The Pin Up Girl
by cozmedic
Summary: It's 1952, Hollywood. Edward is a photographer. Bella is his muse. E/B
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**As most of you know, I originally wrote this story in two parts: The Pin-up Girl and The Photographer. I never posted The Photographer on this site due to the time constraints in my life. Those particular time constraints were actually real life kicking me in the butt. **_

_**To say the least, I have missed it tremendously. **_

_**Now, we are fast-approaching a new year, which to me means a fresh start. With this being said, I am "re-releasing" The Pin-up Girl and the half-written The Photographer as ONE STORY. **_

_**No interruptions. No cliff hangers between the two. **_

_**So, if you have read The Pin-up Girl before and were upset that I never posted The Photographer here, now's your time to quench your curiosity and satiate your need to lynch me ;) **_

_**Thank you bunches to those who stuck by me. Please know I love you and miss you dearly and I cannot wait to continue and complete this work for you.**_

_**Without further ado, it is my pleasure to bring you The Pin-up Girl…**_

**~ Chapter One (EPOV) ~**

She was an extraordinary woman.

Eyes the color of soft brown chiffon, long flowing locks of chestnut brown hair, skin like alabaster. Too extraordinary.

Isabella Swan, the most highly sought after model that I discovered a little over a year ago in a drug store off of Beverly Boulevard sipping on a chocolate shake, reading a book. An innocent working as an office assistant at some god-awful little hole-in-the-wall law firm.

Isabella had come so far since that day in the soda shop. From small town innocence to societal sophistication in the matter of a year. Her career was only made up of things legends were made of. She went from the small pages of the _Sears, Roebuck & Co._ catalog to the titillating pages of Robert Harrison's girlie mags, _Eyeful_ and _Beauty Parade_. Isabella graduated to grace the cover of _Harper's Bazaar_ and now the prestigious cover of _Life_ magazine.

What made her more intriguing to people then Marilyn Monroe or any other starlet was the simple fact that she kept a low public profile. Her private life, she kept private. Very private. And that drove newspaper reporters to the brink of insanity.

She was one extraordinary woman, who would never be in the least bit interested in me, her unrealized knight in shining armor. I was the man who took her from nothing and made her face and body the most well-known force of the free world. She looked at me like a child to a father. Nothing more.

She shouldn't have mattered to me. She was a model, a pin-up. Nothing more then eye candy.

_That had the heart of a fucking saint and a mind like Einstein._

I had photographed many, including the very intriguing Ava Gardner and Jane Greer, and felt not so much as a spark for any of them. Until her.

_Just another cheese cake model, Cullen. An undeniable and highly fuckable sex goddess that has you wound so tight you couldn't pull a needle out of your ass with a tractor._

I ran my hand through my already-tousled locks and sighed with deep resignation. I had plenty of women for my liking. I had a Smorgaous board of them in my hip pocket. Literally. My little black book had over two hundred women who would be with me in a New York minute if I phoned them. For dates, for sex, for anything. They were always at my disposal. That was the up side to this whole famous photographer bullshit I ended up in. But that seemed to be the problem: they were disposable.

I watched her exit the white linen tent where we kept clothing and make-up for her numerous changes throughout the day. She was absolutely stunning in a cherry red one-piece halter bathing suit. The bust of the suit was slightly gathered, accentuating the beautiful curves of her hips. She looked breathtaking in it. She always looked beautiful in red though. She always looked beautiful in everything we dressed her in.

_She could have been wearing a goddamn potato sack and she'd still look devastatingly gorgeous. _

I hopped out of my director's chair and motioned to my assistant who was holding my camera.

I waved over to the Greek goddess that I adored. Her cherry lips matched the bathing frock making her even more irresistible. The corners of her perfect heart-shaped mouth curved into a smile, "Where would you like me Edward?"

_All over me. Your lips. Your hair flowing over my chest as you—_

"Mr. Cullen?" she repeated waving her red gloved hand in front of my eyes. I loved it when she called me Mr. Cullen.

I shook my head of the temporary haze that took over, taking a quick nonchalant glance at the crotch of my grey flannel pants, making sure nothing out-of-the-ordinary was happening during my brief absence before speaking, "Yes, love, right there on the chaise lounge by the pool."

I watched her like a love sick puppy as she crossed the lush green grass of the mansion we had assumed for the day. It always astounded me how she could walk in those black Dior stilettos. Damn, I loved the man who created them. He made every woman with a decent set of gams, loveable. With Isabella, that didn't matter. She had great legs with or without stilettos.

"Edward!" my assistant, Heidi called as I watched Isabella sit with perfect posture onto the sun lounger, crossing her legs, sitting in wait.

_Holy shit, if I could be that lounge right now. _

I ran another hand through my bronze tipped locks as I crossed back to Heidi.

"The editor from Life sent a telegram, Edward."

I snatched the envelope from Heidi and squeezed it in frustration. "Damn, I bet he wants these photos, now, doesn't he? He's the most impatient man I've ever know." I tore open the yellow Western Union telegram, my conscious already filled with spit and vinegar.

Heidi raised her well manicured eyebrows my way, "I know someone who has a short fuse as well. You might know him?" Before I could get out a proper response to defend myself, she turned on her black kitten heals and tapped off towards her own chair.

I let out a calming breath before I read the freshly crumpled paper.

**Where are my photos Cullen? Life magazine waits for no one. This includes you.**

I could hear the irrepressible voice of my current editor Mr. Jay Jenks scream through the words on the paper. Frustration rocked through me.

Art took time. I wasn't a pretentious amateur that just walked in off the street. I was Edward Cullen, Life magazine's Photographer of the Year for 1950, 1951, and soon-to-be 1952. Not to mention the one and only who had shot the likes of Lana Turner, Jane Russel, and Eartha Kitt among the countless others, as pin-ups.

_Jenks should be kissing my ass. _

And these pictures of the most well known, highly sought after, pin-up girl, Isabella Swan would be the ones that would put me on the map for a third time. Like the others past, I was the one and only photographer that she trusted enough to do uninhibited photo shoots like these. Cheese cake shoots.

And someone would think I would be used to these by now. Half-naked women should not have bothered me as long as I have been in this business.

_But it bothered me now, just having Isabella in a fucking bathing suit._

I had to think of something else to take my mind off of her. I needed a goddamn drink.

I crumpled the yellow paper and threw the waded ball to the grass.

"Are you ready, love?" I held up my Kodak Ektra. This camera was my personal favorite that had taken all my award-winning shots and today would be the day for the take-home of winning shot number three.

As if on queue, Isabella threw me a brilliant white smile beckoning me with her eyes. I held up my second pair of eyes and began to shoot where I stood capturing her luminous beauty.

Isabella giggled like a school girl as I walked towards her. I paused for a brief moment to fish in my pockets for my pack of Kool cigarettes. Heidi walked over, placed her hand in my pocket, replying, "Let me."

As she clutched at the green and white box, her fingertips grazed at the erection I was keeping at bay. I backed away, "I'm quite a big boy. I think I can manage a cigarette on my own."

Heidi smiled coyly as she pulled the box from my pocket. She shook out a cigarette, stuck it in between my lips and took out her small, silver Zippo, igniting it. I took a drag and gave her a disapproving look, "I'm working."

"Just doing my job, Mr. Cullen." Heidi turned and sat back in her assistant chair, lighting her own cigarette.

Heidi, I had found, just wanted to bed me for one thing. Fame. Why I hadn't fired her yet, I was still unaware. Maybe it because she was actually good at her job.

I took another drag off of the cigarette and turned my attention back to my lovely specimen, "Isabella, love, why don't you swing your legs onto the lounge chair in front of you. Cross them."

Isabella uncrossed her legs with a swift assurance, taking herself out of a sitting position, lying back onto the white of the lounge chair. The black patent leather of the stilettos caught a ray of sunshine and cast a slight glint into the lens of my camera.

I took ten steps towards her. "Prop up on your left elbow; place your hair over your left shoulder, love. Head up, tuck in your chin slightly. Good, love. Now cast your eyes down towards me. Perfect."

She was so dutiful in her direction taking that I had to do nothing to her, physically, like I was so used to with my other subjects. I still had an uncontrollable urge to touch her porcelain skin. I walked up to her and pulled a long strand of hair over her pale shoulder. A warm, pink blush ran across her cheeks.

_Fuck, she was a fine specimen of a woman. _

"My apologies, Edward." She cast her eyes down to my loafers with a half smile tugging at the left side of her mouth.

I gently pulled her chin up, forcing her eyes to lock on my camera lens. I snapped the photo quickly, peering over the camera after I did so, "No apologies necessary. This is what I love about my pin-up girl. She doesn't need much direction."

Another shade of pink brushed over her cheekbones. I allowed my fingertips one more drink of her smooth skin before I jumped onto a stone planter and hovered above her, my camera capturing every movement that was hers. She laughed jovially, covering her mouth with one of her red-gloved hands. Her luscious red lips taunted me with every giggle that escaped her.

The white tank top underneath my white linen shirt was soaked with sweat. Not by the heat of the unforgiving sun, but by the shear thoughts that were rummaging through my head as I shot each frame as fast as my finger could move.

Isabella seductively ran her tongue across her bottom lip.

_Tongue- teasing little vixen will be the death of me._

She pulled in her bottom lip and bit down, smiling coyly, as her hands found their way through her luscious locks. Her eyes fluttered shut.

_*Snap* Seductive eyes. *Snap* Precious lips. Goddamn I would kill to have those lips around my cock right now. *Snap* Control yourself, Cullen._

Thoughts of love and lust plagued me.

The thoughts of taking Isabella right here on the damn white sun lounger battered me with ferocity. Running my hands through the luxurious waves of her hair, drinking in her strawberry scented skin with every touch of my lips, lapping up any beads of sweat that may form over her milky white breasts.

_God damn, I'm going to hell._

I didn't want the afternoon session to end. Isabella danced her fingertips along the water in the pool. She splayed herself casually over the stone steps leading to the main house, and played with the little Yorkie dog Jack on a pink blanket in the grass. I shot her everywhere that caught my attention as worthy backdrop to her beauty.

The shoot wrapped nicely with twenty-two roles of film to develop and not one slip up from down below. Isabella's assistant draped a white silk robe around her milky white shoulders as she walked over to me with slow, deliberate movements.

Isabella began to peel the elbow length gloves off one by one.

_Damn, who knew stripping gloves off of one's arms would be a turn on. _

She tossed the gloves to her assistant, "Edward, what time would you like me here tomorrow?"

The problem was, I didn't need her tomorrow. Jenks wanted the photos now, not next week.

A small plan was unfolding right before me.

"How about eleven o' clock in the morning, love? I'll show you what we accomplished today over lunch at the Brown Derby."

If I kept our meeting in an all-too public restaurant with people who valued their privacy as much as her, I wouldn't want to jump on her throughout our meeting.

"Sounds nice, Edward." She turned to her assistant, Alice, who was writing furiously as she spoke, "Appointment with Mr. Cullen, Brown Derby, eleven."

I watched as Isabella turned towards her white tent with her assistant in tow, leaving me alone with a cigarette and Heidi tapping her foot impatiently by the stone steps to the house.

Alice looked up at Isabella, "Would you like me to put out the blue Coco Chanel suit for pressing tonight?"

Isabella took one last glance at me and replied, "Yes, please. The blue one will be fine for a nice lunch out tomorrow."

Did she know blue was my favorite color on her? Why wouldn't she? I had been photographing her for the past year.

I scratched at the five o' clock shadow that had taken up residence on my face in the past twelve hours and thought about how in the hell I was going to get the perfect photo of the most famous, sought-after model to Jenks in New York by nine in the morning for the Life magazine cover.

Heidi continued to tap her foot.

_Perfect._

I stole a glance at my watch. The clock face read three o' clock. I had three hours to find the perfect shot and get Heidi on that plane.

_**Hi there folks...me again...**_

_**The first 21 chapters are in Edward's POV (the first half of the story). Every subsequent chapter will have a notation as to whether it is in Bella's, Jacob's, or Edward's POV. :)**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Hope you all loved the first episode of The Pin-up Girl…**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

**Chapter Two~**

I sat rigidly against the brown, straight-backed couch in the living room of my Los Angeles home, staring at the black and white photos that assaulted me.

She was a beauty queen. Not as voluptuous as Marilyn Monroe, but certainly more striking then the up-and-coming Bettie Page.

Her laughter began taunting me through every frame I allowed my fingers to graze. I picked up my silver cigarette case, tracing the outside initials that graced its cover. Isabella gave it to me for a birthday present a few months back. I treasured that cigarette case.

Popping the lid, I took out a smoke and lit it, inhaling deeply. The cool flavor of menthol filled my lungs sending me into a euphoric bliss of calm.

My fingers flitted through every conceivable picture that was before me and there was one realization that came over me in a wave.

There wasn't a bad picture in the bunch.

_I know I'm a good photographer, but hell, not this good. _

There were over two hundred photos and not one terrible picture of the most beautiful woman in the world. How was that possible? I had been photographing beautiful women since I was seventeen years old and there was always _at least_ one bad photo. One bad frame that may have been out-of-focus or maybe the smile was too wide, or the eyes weren't seductive enough. It was always something.

But not this time.

Maybe it wasn't the artist and his brush, but his subject. His best subject. His muse.

Isabella Swan was what every man wanted and lusted after, time after time, pin-up after pin-up. I could bet my last paycheck that every man who was fortunate enough to have a breath running through his body had at least one picture of Isabella Swan hanging up somewhere.

Picking up the closest black and white to me, I studied her slender face. She didn't have the perfect, symmetrical features I had always sought after in my other subjects, but the slight flaws only gave her more substance. Her body may not have been as voluptuous as most pin-ups of the day, but she was just right in all the appropriate places. She was an all-American girl gone naughty. What every red-blooded boy and man wanted.

Including me.

An involuntary grin began to overtake my lips as I let my eyes swim across the sea of Isabella Swan.

I took another drag off of my cigarette when I noticed the photo that would go to Life magazine.

The slight ravine of cleavage that peaked above the bust of the swim suit caught my attention, or shall I say, caught the attention of my crotch.

It was the portrait of perfection.

Every man would wrench the next issue of Life magazine out of their wives' hands, all the while, women would find the photo compelling.

It was Isabella sitting in the grass, legs crossed, her knees pulled up to her chest, her chestnut brown hair cascading over her right shoulder. Her smile emulated nothing but warmth and grace, yet her eyes had a sex kitten appeal to them that would make any man want to find a bathroom to take care of their business.

_Holy hell, I wanted to wretch that flimsy piece of fabric from her delicate frame and ravage her beautiful body with wet kisses, pushing her into the grass, holding her wrists above her head, making her plead for the release. I wanted to feel the wetness between her silky thighs while I made her beg for my cock over and over again._

The heat of my cigarette broke the spell that had overcome me. "Shit!" I yelled throwing the smoldering stick of paper down into an oversized Czech crystal ashtray that was set beside me. I stuck my finger in my mouth to try to quash the blistering pain that had singed the first layer of skin off of my index finger.

"Dreaming about _her_ again?" Heidi's creamy voice made me jump.

"No," I lied, "trying to get this photo to Jenks. You're taking it."

"You're continuous hard-on for Isabella is sickening." Heidi quipped as I licked the envelope shut. I glanced down at my crotch before standing, making sure all evidence of my daydreams was gone.

"I don't pay you to have an opinion on who I photograph." I stated simply, shaking another cigarette from the confines of its package. I brought the smoke to my lips. Without hesitation, Heidi flipped open the Zippo and had my cigarette lit in one motion. It was part of the reason I kept her around.

"You pay me to do your dirty work and to be brutally honest when the situation calls for it." She responded snapping the lid shut.

I shoved the brown envelope into her hands, ignoring her comment, "You're taking this to New York. Felix will take you to the airport. I set you up in the Hotel Pennsylvania for three days."

"Are you trying to get rid of me Mr. Cullen? To lure that little vixen into your lair?"

"Heidi, you need not be involved with my personal life." I picked up the black receiver of the telephone that sat on one of my end tables and dialed the number to the chauffeur's living quarters.

"Heidi will need that drive now, Felix." I placed the phone back into its cradle, turning my attention back to Heidi.

Heidi scowled at me, taking a long filter from a small case and placing a Pall Mall into the confines of the fiberglass, "I'm not cleaning up another media blitz Edward. Scandal is frowned upon in this town."

Exhaling slowly letting the smoke trail through her nostrils, she allowed her eyelids to flutter shut for a brief moment, allowing me to speak my defense.

Instead I ignored her. I didn't want to be bothered by her trivialities anymore.

"You're flight leaves at seven fifteen this evening; make sure you're on it. Jenks has to have that photo by nine o' clock tomorrow morning or I don't get paid." I opened my wallet and handed her the four hundred dollar bills from my black billfold. "Because if I don't get paid-"

"You don't get paid," she finished. She shot me a final look, swiping the money from my grasp, "Don't do anything irrational. Or stupid while I'm gone."

_If fucking Isabella Swan was irrational, then I was going to be in heaps of trouble._

Felix walked in, taking me away from exquisite thoughts of naughtiness that was beginning to take shape. Plans I had for Isabella and me.

_Plans of feeling Isabella's hips grind into mine. Feeling her luxurious skin underneath my seeking fingertips. Running my lips over her quivering abdomen. And knowing all along it was me that made her feel the pleasure that she deserved._

Heidi was still staring at me, shaking her head, slowly taking in another drag, "I think I'm calling Rose and Emmett to watch you while I'm gone."

"Are you my mother now?"

"Maybe that would be a better person to watch over you?" Heidi crossed her arms.

_I was irritated, possibly more so because Heidi's worries were not all together unfounded. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, _Isabella Swan_was a married woman._

Exasperation raked through my brain and shook me to my core. Call Rose and Emmett? My mother? What was I? Five? I didn't need my mother or my brother and his wife to babysit me while my secretary was gone. I was a grown man.

_You are a grown man who is having delusional thoughts about having sex with a _married_ woman. Smooth move, Cullen. Great red flag to send up. May as well stick it to my ever-present hard-on that seems to be giving me away._

My lips pressed into a hard, thin line before I stormed over to my wet bar, grabbed one of the crystal glasses from the cabinet, and poured myself a shot of the amber liquid courage I had grown so fond of.

I didn't need my secretary telling me what I could or could not do.

I threw the shot back, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. As the pleasurable warmth began to spread across my body, my thoughts began to reach out for Isabella again.

_Candles all over the house. Laying her down on the white, shag rug in front of the stone fireplace, suckling her beautiful breasts-_

"Edward?"

How long had Heidi been calling me?

"What?" I asked innocently, pouring myself a second glass of bourbon. This time I added ice. I needed the shock of cold to alleviate the ache that was growing in my loins. I couldn't seem to control any of my thoughts.

_Clutching onto her hair as I fucked her mouth as hard as I could. Feeling the back of her throat on the tip of my cock. Saying her name over and over, "Isabella,"_

Heidi extinguished her cigarette and placed her big Dior hat atop of her head, sighing, "You are a hopeless romantic drunk Edward Cullen."

Hopeless? Definitely. Romantic? Maybe. Drunk? Getting there.

She strode over to me in three long strides and patted the side of my face with her gloved white hand before she continued, "You are free from appointments for the next three days as requested."

Heidi picked up her black clutch from the bar end, sticking it under her left arm. She tugged at both of the white gloves dutifully, "That _does not_ mean it is a free pass to jump in bed with Isabella. This just means you get to relax, free of deadlines for the next seventy-two hours."

_Seventy-two short hours to make Isabella Swan mine was a deadline I intended to keep._

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

**Chapter Three~**

With Heidi gone, you could hear a pin drop. That was nice.

And not so nice.

Quiet seemed to ignite all of my restless thoughts of her.

_Watching her crawl across a tangled web of satin sheets, holding me prisoner with those alluring brown eyes, playing every emotion I was conceivable of having. Her perfect mouth curving into that delicious smile I loved so much._

How could one woman stir so much emotion? Isabella was just a woman. _One woman_ that drove me to the edge of insanity every time I saw her. She drove me to drink too much, and to smoke even more. Every waking moment I was in, I was enraptured with her. Dirty thoughts ran rampant throwing off my ability to concentrate on anything worthwhile. I was a goddamn train wreck.

There had to be a pill for this sort of thing. Something, _anything_ to make me forget about her, at least for a moment.

I could hear the radio advertisement now:

"Dirty thoughts clouding your judgment? Try DirtyThoughtRemover. One little pill to drive away all thoughts of pornographic images of the woman you can never have. Doctor recommended."

_It seems to me, Mr. Cullen, that you have a serious illness. It's called Obsession & Denial. It's from obsessing too much over something that is unattainable. Like, for example, in your case, your obsession with _a married woman.

It was true. Isabella Swan was married to someone that I had to work with just as closely as I worked with her. And I hated that. I despised the fact that I had to smile, be cordial, and kiss his arrogant ass every time I saw him, because if I didn't, he could take her away from me.

And break my career into a million little pieces.

He was a powerful man in the industry. Someone you didn't mess with. Someone who had the capabilities of making or breaking a client, if he so chose to.

He was her agent, Jacob Black. An agent that had a countless array of valued ties in Hollywood.

_You're playing with fire, Cullen. This could be detrimental to the career you've worked so hard for._

I was just about done giving a damn about my career. It meant nothing without Isabella. My life meant nothing without her.

_Love eventually fades away, my friend. Careers have solid longevity._

If you're life had no meaning, a career was worthless.

I piled Isabella's photos into a neat pile on my black coffee table next to my fourth glass of bourbon and the Czech crystal ashtray. Numerous half burned cigarette butts littered the beautiful crystal cube.

The pain crying in my heart for a woman I could never have beat like a snare drum, drilling me to my core.

It was a horrible thought, knowing you couldn't have something you wanted so badly.

The most crippling realization that ran through my head every time I saw her, every time I thought of her, was the fact that I knew the lucky son-of-a-bitch that _did_ have her, didn't even have one fraction of appreciation for her that I held in my little finger.

_Fucking son-of-a-bitch shouldn't have a woman as beautiful as Isabella. Goddamn, Jacob Black, didn't deserve her._

Sighing, I grabbed my glass of bourbon and strode to the phonograph. I took out one of my favorites and flipped it onto the player.

The needle of the record player caught the vinyl. Dust-covered crackles began to buzz through the speaker. The heavenly rhapsody of Brownie McGhee's, Real Good Feeling began to vibrate my soul.

_I got that real good feelin'_

_Makes me feel so good_

_Well a real good feelin'_

_Makes me do things I never would_

I finished off the last of my drink and immediately went in search for the bottle of bourbon. I was drinking myself into oblivion. Something I tended to do after I shot Isabella for a good part of the day.

_The sweet swell of her breasts through that goddamn fabric drove me insane. My cock swimming through that beautiful ravine of sensuality._

The ever-present ache that had set up residence in my stomach grew with longing as I continued to think of her. My Isabella. She was a goddamn Aphrodite. A Goddess of Love and Beauty.

_. Fuckable_.

I found my best friends, Jim and Jack, hiding in a cabinet underneath the bar. I grabbed the remaining half of the Jim Beam.

_Did I put that there? Heidi obviously made a half-witted attempt at hiding the liquor before she left. No matter._

I watched the amber liquid cascade into the glass, making myself a double, no ice. Heidi was right. I was a hopeless drunk.

A hopeless drunk that wanted _Isabella._ No, not wanted, I was beyond wanted. I _needed_ her. Needed to hold her. To smell her. To taste her. My cock twitched in response.

_She probably tasted as good as she smelled. Exploring every crevice of her with my tongue. Nipping at her swollen clit. Plunging my tongue into her pool of wetness. Goddamn, she tastes so fucking sweet._

Me and married woman. When did I lose all of my common sense?

_Isabella pulling me in deeper and deeper, locking her hot thighs around my head, running her hands through my hair, begging me to lick faster and harder as she came. Pushing more of herself into my mouth as she arched her back with her release._

Fuck me twice, I was a disaster. Not only did I have this unprecedented desire to feel her and to taste her, but I had to smell her invigorating scent that she brought into every room with her. It was like an aphrodisiac.

That could've been why I still stood in my grey flannel pants and my white linen shirt from earlier. I wanted her scent to surround me as long as I could have it. The torture I was putting myself through was madness.

Torture.

_Ahh, yes, her wrists bound above her, like our photo shoot last week. A white handkerchief wrapped around those pretty wrists. Her beautiful eyes blindfolded in black lace. Black, naughty thigh-highs constricting her beautiful gams, as I fucked her as hard and as rough as she liked it_.

I was torturing myself. I was a fucking sadist.

I couldn't remember how I made my way to my bedroom, but I did. In an alcohol-induced state, I was laying spread out on my satin sheets, drink still in hand, with the biggest, most painful erection I had ever had. It was begging to spring free from the confines of my pants.

Something needed to be done. It was apart of my normal nightly routine anymore. A few glasses of bourbon, a hand, and a photo. Great.

_It should be her working my cock. Her pretty lips teasing and sucking as I fisted that gorgeous hair. Her tongue nursing the orgasm greedily, like a woman and her lollipop._

I threw open my closet door and pulled the silver chain. Bright light illuminated the small torture chamber of my soul that I had created.

_Fucking damn, it was bright._

The light bulb swayed back and forth.

My eyes shifted through the numerous boxes, each labeled according to date and magazine. My eyes rested heavily on the one I was searching for.

Eyeful, June 1951.

_Fuck yes! _

I pulled the brown box down, dropping my drink in the process,crumbling into an almost useless heap next to it.

_Fuck! Damn it all to hell. _

I pulled the box lid up and dumped its colorful contents next to me, taking great pains as to not dump them into the spilled bourbon.

I couldn't end my search by getting up for another shot, so instead I thrust another cigarette in my mouth. My hands shook uncontrollably as I lit it. If I weren't careful I'd light the whole goddamn house on fire. Heidi would not appreciate it if she came home to a burned up gravy train. I chuckled humorlessly at the thought and went back to my treasure hunt.

Hundreds of colorful photos of buxom blondes, brunettes, and redheads began to shuffle underneath my fingertips. One picture after another, each one blurring into the next.

_Had to see her. Had to look into those deep pools of chocolate brown as I came._

I took another drag of my cigarette before I put it out in the small ashtray on the shelf. God bless Heidi for thinking I would smoke in the closet.

I pulled off my belt. I needed to release, but I needed to see her face more. My searching came to a fevered pitch as my breathing became labored. I had to find at least one of the pictures. Just one.

And then, there it was. There _she_ was.

Isabella.

Lying on blue velvet. Isabella's satin white-gloved arms twisting at the wrists, posed above her head. Her breasts fully exposed, the lusciousness of her aroused pink nipples pointing right at me, begging me to take one in my mouth. Her chocolate brown eyes smoldering through the apex of my camera, piercing me right to my soul. That enrapturing smile taunting me, begging me to kiss her. White Dior stilettos to match the white garter belts and thigh-highs that had the pleasure to grace her silky thighs. Her white lace panties clung low to her hips exposing her naval. Her long locks fanned out above her head like a halo. The coyness of her gaze sent a wave of pleasure through me like a lightning bolt.

_Goddamn delectable sex kitten._

She was biting her blood red bottom lip, playing with the camera. Playing with me.

I unzipped my pants and grabbed hold of my length, beginning to stroke as I had always imagined her to. I looked into her eyes. Those seductive eyes trapping me against my will. But I loved that. With one look from a goddamn picture, I could get lost. That's what made her so fucking famous. That's what made me who I was a photographer. I could capture those looks. Suspend them in time.

_My tongue searching her mouth, relishing in the sweetness of her breath. Her hands wrapping around the length of my throbbing member. Goddamn, her hands felt so good. Rubbing, pulling. The friction, the heat. Almost there, Isabella. Almost._

My breathing was rough, my eyes continued to lock on her picture. Only her. She was there. In the room with me. Calling my name.

"_Edward…Oh God, Edward…Edward, cum for me,"_

I was a desperate man.

_Wrapping her warm, wet mouth around my cock. Thrusting deeper. Feeling the tip erotically hit the back of her throat. She was moaning. The vibrations from her lips cascading over my cock sent me into a fucking frenzy. Not much longer. Not long. Those eyes. Those seductive fucking eyes looking up at me through her long, gorgeous lashes. Her hands all over me. Pulling me into her mouth further. Fuuuuccck!_

I allowed myself to moan softly, "Isabella." The picture in my hand crushed with my release.

I let my head fall backwards, resting against the wall. My fist releasing her photo.

I needed her. Not just for the sex, but for her. Not the starlet. Not the glamour girl she had become. Just Isabella. The girl I found drinking a chocolate shake, reading Moby Dick.

_Like I needed a fucking bowling ball dropped on my head._

Another Kool cigarette found its way between my lips. I inhaled deeply, than pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. I needed to clean myself up. Then pass out.

What the hell was I doing?

_Torturing yourself, Cullen, remember?_

I grabbed a clean towel off of the shelf next to me, and shed my clothes from this afternoon. My body was in great desperation of a shower.

I grabbed a newly laundered pair of comfortable pajama bottoms, a fresh white wife-beater, and some new boxers, grabbing the empty crystal glass on the floor next to me.

Drinking and dry fucking to a picture was not what I did. I could have any woman I wanted. Any woman in the goddamn free world. But I'd rather fuck a photo.

But I wanted _her_. I would give my right arm for the unattainable.

I walked unsteadily on shaky legs out of the closet, closing the door behind me. I threw my half lit cigarette out of my bedroom window and walked into my bathroom.

Maybe I should call Rose and Emmett, I thought with despair, as I placed the empty glass on the bathroom countertop. This couldn't be healthy.

I turned on the water to my shower and stepped into it without waiting for the heat to reach the cold droplets. The cold water began to clear my head. I soaped up quickly, and dried twice as fast, slipping my still-damp body into the clean clothing. The faster I moved the less I thought about her.

My thoughts of Isabella subsided for a few short moments as I walked into the dimly lit living room where my bottle of bourbon waited cordially on the bar where I had left it.

_What in the hell did I do with my glass?_

I scanned the living room and decided not to worry too much about it. Grabbing the half-full bottle by its neck, I sank down into the couch. I held the top of the bottle with my thumb and forefinger, twisting it absently against the top of my knee. My eyes drawn back to her face in the pile of black and whites I had left out.

_Jacob didn't have a fucking clue what he had. She was smart, beautiful, and extremely talented._

I unscrewed the cap of the bottle. I didn't feel like getting up again for a new glass. I was too goddamn tired.

_Who the hell needs a glass? What's the point of being civilized after masturbating in the closet like a pimple-faced 14 year old with a stolen copy of Eyeful magazine?_

I tipped the bottle head to my lips and drank down four large swallows. The alcohol burned the gentle lining of my already raw throat.

I turned off the small end table lamp, allowing the full moon to blanket its soft, white glow over the living room. With the glass bottle in one hand, Isabella's crumpled picture in the other, I absently watched the small dots of light travel the Los Angeles streets through my large floor to ceiling windows.

I wanted the darkness to take over. I needed it. I needed to flush the fluid memories of this afternoon out of my head so I could sleep, even if it was just a little.

_*Another swallow*…drowning myself. Just for tonight._

I was going to bring her back here tomorrow after lunch. Jacob was in Paris this week wooing the likes of a new client. Heidi was away in New York on her errand. No one to bother us. I would talk to her about the next opportunity. Giving her the ideas I had come up with for our next issue of Beauty Parade. Tell her about my conversation with Robert Harrison and his next endeavor, Wink.

Then I would get intimate with her. Accidentally, brush my hand against her cheek, making her blush that gorgeous color of pink I loved so much. The blush that made her famous. It was her signature. I would relax her over a Martini. Billie Holliday playing in the background. It would be perfect.

There was just one set back. The one thing I had to overcome. It was the one thing that could prevent my happiness.

My goddamn conscience.

Could I do it? Could I make another man's wife my own?

_Yes, I could. I would take her from Jacob Black. And Isabella would come, willingly._

It was a moral dilemma.

_I was a bad, bad man._

I took another long swig from the almost-empty bottle; the lights of Los Angeles become a kaleidoscope of colors as the bottle fell from my hand to the hardwood floor. Still clutching her photo, I pulled it into my line of sight, my eyes barely focused on hers.

_So beautiful._

Before I lapsed into a sea of unconsciousness, I grinned.

I was definitely going to hell.

_**A/N: **_

_**Hi Everyone,**_

_**Thanks so much for leavin' me luvin' and reading! Your comments mean so much to me ;)**_

_**On another little side note…Playboy was started in December, 1953, not 1952, as I am writing in the story. The "Playmate" of the inaugural issue was the very lovely, Marilyn Monroe form a 1949 calendar shoot. Since this is a work of fiction, I took a little liberty with the date. Thanks for listening…**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_**Xoxoxo,**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

_**Thank you so much for the warm welcome here on . You guys are EFFIN' awesome leaving me all sorts of wonderful luvin'. I may not be answering all of them individually, but know that I do read each and every one of them and I love you bunches for them. I truly appreciate them ;) You guys are the shit! **_

_***BLOWING BIG MARILYN MONROE KISSES YOUR WAY***_

**Chapter Four ~ **

I wasn't sure how long I had been sleeping, but before long I heard a light knock on the front door.

My eyelids shot open as I jerked awake, sending the photo floating to the floor. I groped for the lamp chain, found it after a few feeble attempts, and pulled as gently as I could muster. Soft light illuminated the room in a gentle shade, but it still didn't prevent my eyes from screaming in protest.

_Who the hell was at my door so late? _

I looked over at the large sundial wall clock that hung over my stone mantle.

_Two o' clock in the fucking morning. Someone better be dead._

I ran my hand through my hair. My head was beginning to throb, I felt disgusting. My mouth felt like I had been eating sawdust for a month. I rubbed at my face, scratching at the overgrown stubble. I took a chance on assuming I looked exactly how I felt; like something the cat dragged in.

"This better be good!" I yelled rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I tried to focus; concentrating on peeling myself off of the couch.

Accomplishment surged through me the moment I stood up, but a sudden wave of alcohol still flowing freely through my system quashed my momentary glory.

The knock became more insistent as I tried to steady myself.

I tried yelling again, but it only came out as a soft, irritated whisper, "I'm coming. I'm coming. Give me a second."

Counting.

Counting at a time like this always reminded me to focus. If I could get to five, I was not as drunk as I thought I was, therefore, I could fake it enough to get myself through what I had to.

_One, two, three…what the hell came after three…oh, that's right, four. Fake it on five, Cullen._

To make my uncoordinated jaunt to the door even more unimpressive, I jammed my unsuspecting knee into the corner of one of my end tables.

_Fuck it all. I'm going to kill whoever it is on the other side of that door._

I grabbed the burnished metal of the doorknob, twisted, and yanked as hard as I could to let whoever was on the other side of that door know I meant business. What 'business' I meant, I had no idea. I just knew I was pissed at the sudden intrusion of a wake-up call, considering I didn't ask for one.

The heavy, red door swung open sending a slight chill through the entryway, filling my head with a momentary sobering clarity.

"What could-" I stopped short.

In my doorway, stood the most angelic sight anyone could ever wake up to.

My muse.

Isabella Swan.

"Did I wake you?" she asked shyly, looking a little startled. My appearance probably would have scared anyone.

She was such a beautiful sight, even in the middle of the night. I was dumbfounded. Knowing I was disheveled, still buzzed from too much liquor, and smelling rotten, I put on my best grin.

_Fake it on five, Cullen._

"No…no, of course not. You know me. Up until all hours." I replied waving my limp hand dismissively. I stepped aside, allowing her to make her entrance.

Isabella's heels clicked delicately over the earth-colored travertine flooring of my entryway. The room became engulfed with her strawberry scent.

"Are you sure I didn't wake you? You look like you were…sleeping, or doing something else…are you…alone?" She asked glancing around the room with a weary expression on her face.

Of course I was alone. I'd been alone for the past year.

_Alone and jacking off to you._

"Yes, I am alone. And yes, you did wake me. But it's alright, really." I shut the front door softly. I watched her walk into the dimly lit room.

She was wearing a short navy satin Japanese mini dress. I paid no mind to the fact that the neckline looked like it was strangling her because I was far too enthralled with the sound of the soft brush of silky satin caressing her thighs as she walked. It was all I needed to kill any sleep that still may have resided in my being. It definitely woke up the long, stagnant erection I had been harboring.

_Relax, Cullen._

Still stunned, I shut the door and automatically walked over to the wet bar, "Can I get you a drink?"

"Martini, stirred. Please." Isabella responded laying her purse on the bar, taking a seat on one of the black bar stools. As I watched her hoist herself up with ease, a slight shock of black lace peaked from under her dress as she crossed her legs demurely.

_Get her dirty drunk and she'll be getting fucked six ways to Sunday in an hour._

As appealing as the inner-evil-Edward made that scenario sound that just wasn't my way. I wanted Isabella to want me with no regrets.

I grabbed the vodka from the mini-freezer I had built in under the bar and the vermouth from the cabinet. Isabella watched me measure out each part. I stirred the concoction absently while I grabbed two frozen martini glasses from the freezer at the last minute. I took a chance and peaked at her while I poured the icy concoction. She watched my every move without taking her eyes off of my hands. It almost made me think she was nervous.

"Olive or onion?" I asked raising an eyebrow at her. I knew better then anyone, she took an olive, but I asked because I was a gentleman. Gentlemen were polite.

She smiled seductively, "You know I love olives."

A slow grin spread across my face as I tossed a green olive in each glass. She took one of the glasses and lifted it, pinky extended, "Cheers"

"Cheers," I replied in a smooth tone lifting my glass to hers.

I wanted to knock the glass out of her hand, bend her over my couch, and sink my hands into her sweet ass as I slid my cock into her delicious pool of wetness.

_Goddamn, fuck me woman, said evil Edward. _

_Nice, Cullen. You are a real gentleman, said conscience-ridden Edward._

Internal debate began to rock my brainwaves, but the almost-full bottle of Jim Beam I had consumed earlier was still rearing its ugly head, diminishing any logical thinking I was capable of.

_Fake it on five, Cullen. Keep it together._

As long as I kept my thought process in line with a Dick and Jane story of simple phrases, I would be able to get through the conversation. I mentally chastised myself for drinking too much.

"Two questions," I was trying to enunciate every word, so I wouldn't look like a complete ass. I continued, "Number one, what are we celebrating and two, what brings you out this way at two in the morning?" I asked making my way around the bar, concentrating on each step. I positioned myself at my growing collection of vinyl. If I could casually lean against something, I wouldn't look like some drunken fool.

"Those two questions are one in the same, aren't they Mr. Cullen?" She was toying with me. Her eyes danced with mischief as she shimmied herself out of the barstool, making her way over to the numerous racks of vinyl I had shelved next to my phonograph. Next to me.

Her scent was overpowering. Strawberry fields in the middle of May. It was so inviting. So relaxing.

_Holy hell._

"Music?" she asked stopping at the player, running her cherry red nails over the wood casing.

_What in the hell was she doing? Music? Martinis? What next? A fuck me invitation? Yea right, Cullen. Try again. You couldn't handle a woman like Isabella in the inebriated state of mind you are in right now._

"What would you like to hear?" I asked beginning to thumb absently through the LPs. I needed another source of interest to occupy my attention. Besides, if she wanted music, I wanted her to make the decision. That's all I would need is to put on something sultry and seductive like Billie Holliday and have her think I was another sick pervert wanting to bed her like the rest of the male population.

"Sarah Vaughan." She simply stated, indulging in one lone sip of her cocktail.

_Fuck me twice! That was as bad as Billie. _

Running my fingers over the hundreds of album spines, they finally rested on my Sarah Vaughan collection. I pulled out one of the LP's and placed it gently on the phonograph. The bewitching, seductive melody that was Sarah Vaughan enveloped us.

Isabella closed her eyes and let the music of Ain't Misbehavin' move her. I noticed her nipples began to harden underneath the smooth fabric as she moved.

_This isn't happening. Don't get your hopes up, Cullen. She's probably thinking of Jacob._

I ran my hand through my hair, walked over to the couch, and threw back half of my Martini before sinking into its inviting cushions. Icicles began to form in the back of my burning throat. My silly effort at nonchalance was failing. I placed my glass on the coffee table in front of me. The vodka began to take effect immediately mixing with the likes of the remaining bourbon in my system.

I continued to watch Isabella sway gently to the music, but within seconds, my eyelids began to droop.

_Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake…_

She stopped suddenly as if remembering why she came here, nursed another sip of her drink, and sat down next to me. She sat very close to me. Touching my knee with hers. Her eyes were wild with excitement. What in the hell was going on with her?

"I was posed with a proposition tonight." Isabella blurted. She was obviously too excited to contain herself anymore.

_Shit and double shit, she wanted to talk business._

I tried to focus on each word that dripped out of her pretty mouth. Word by word. Dripping like honey.

_Focus, Cullen._

"But I told him the only way I'd do it, was if you were the one to photograph me." She continued.

If I continued to speak, I could keep my body from betraying me with the sleep it was longing for.

"What the hell are you talking about Isabella?" I countered. Every proposition, good or bad, was proposed directly to her agent.

_Her goddamn husband._

Who in the world would have the balls to go directly to her?

She continued to eyeball me as though I was something to devour, rather then her trusted friend and photographer. That was a new development. Or was sleep starting to mock me?

_Holy hell, there were those eyes again. Hot, seductive, entrancing. Those were the eyes she saved for the lens, not for me._

Maybe I had been drinking too much for one night already. I was seeing things that weren't really there. Maybe, I couldn't differentiate between my sleep-and-alcohol-induced hallucinations and reality anymore.

Reading between lines that wouldn't be crossed.

_Unless she crossed them first._

I placed the Martini on the table in front of me, pulling myself into a more erect position, so I was leaning towards her in earnest, prompting her to finish. Her diamond-encrusted wedding band caught a glint of light that sent shimmers across my newly polished hardwood floor, taunting me. It was the subtle reminder I desperately needed that kept me from pouncing on her.

_What the hell was she doing here? Looking so goddamn fine. So goddamn fuckable._

"Who propositioned you? I want to know who has bigger balls than me." I reached for the glass again, raised it to me lips and took the last sip, allowing the remains to trickle down my burning throat. Her scent was driving me mad.

Isabella crossed and uncrossed her legs, trying to get comfortable. "Hugh…Hugh-fucking-Heffner!" She was screeching now.

"What?" This was huge. It was bigger then huge. Being a Playboy bunny for Hugh Heffner was like the Pope inviting a Catholic over for dinner. Did you decline? Fuck no.

"Yes, I know!" Isabella sensed my excitement and set her drink down on the coffee table, grabbing my silver cigarette case, "Do you mind?"

I waved my hand dismissively, "No, no. Go ahead."

She lit a cigarette.

She sucked on the burning paper without remorse and let the smoke fill her lungs. Her chest rose and fell gently, relaxing her completely. Watching the rise and fall of her breasts was calming.

_Stay AWAKE, Cullen…_

"Edward, this is it, love." Her eyes dropped downward to her hands. Her right hand twitched nervously as she flicked at her half-burning cigarette. She bit her lower lip with what seemed like a self-conscious air.

"You've made the cover of Life, Harper's Bazaar, and now Playboy." I mused. My eyelids were beginning to drop heavily. Alcohol-induced sleep was normally high on my priority list this time of night, but right now I didn't want my physical body to exclude me from what could possibly happen. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

"Without you Edward, this never would have happened." She was breathless.

Without thinking, I caressed her flushed cheek lovingly, "You've made it kid."

_Just crossed that line, Cullen. And you crossed it first._

She was covered from head to toe in pink, startled by my impulse.

"I guess I could have waited until the morning. I mean we were having lunch at the Derby in the morning. I could've told you all this then." She was talking so fast. Moving so fast. I didn't want her to leave.

"Isabella, it's alright-" I started. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her here with me, in my bed. I wanted her. Not the pin-up, not the glamour girl. Her. All of her.

"Bella…you know you can call me Bella. In private." My heart was thundering. There were two people in her life she allowed to call her Bella. Her father and her husband. Now I was the third. What did this mean? The possibilities were screaming at me.

_She's married, Cullen. Back off._

Before either of us could hesitate, I did what I would probably regret in the morning. I let primitive submission in the room to play its hand.

I leaned in and kissed her.

I thought she would resist. I thought she would push me away. I thought she would slap the shit out of me. Something. Anything. But to my shocked surprise, she kissed me back.

_Holy hell, she was kissing me back._

Primal instincts began to take over. My hands locked into her hair. Our breathing became labored. Bella's hands seductively slid down my back, tracing the contours of my muscles on her way down. Her intensity must have shocked every nerve ending in my body. She wanted it just as bad as I did.

Little warning bells began to scream in protest.

_Married, Cullen._

Didn't care.

_Yes, you do. He could have your balls for breakfast if he wanted. _

_Still not listening._

_Letting her warm tongue sweep across my bottom lip-_

"Edward? Edward? Did you hear me? Hello?" Isabella was waving her hand in front of my face. When did I check out? What the fuck were we talking about?

_Heffner propositioning her at a party about Playboy. Wake up, Cullen! Get with it, L7! She's never going to want you if you can't even pay attention when the most important day of her life just happened. Get her out of here, Cullen, before you make a complete ass of yourself. Talk to her in the daylight, SOBER!_

"I'm sorry, love, I think I must still be half asleep." I rubbed at both of my sleep deprived eyes wearily. I needed to get her out of my house.

I wasn't ready for this yet. I wasn't ready to be alone with her. In my house. In the middle of the night.

In the back of mind I knew I needed to be sober. The alcohol played too much of a part in tonight. I couldn't think without being seduced into the haze of my dreams. I couldn't even distinguish what was reality and what was a fantasy anymore.

"I'm really sorry, Edward. We had such an intense day today and here I am waking you up and stealing away your beauty sleep." She giggled, stood, than placed her glass on my coffee table, "I better shuffle off. It's late and I have to make sure that I get enough sleep to talk about this tomorrow. Or else _I'll_ be the one falling asleep in my Cobb salad."

_Please don't go._

I couldn't even muster a response. I succumbed to the fact that I was still too drunk and too tired to protest. Isabella smiled delicately and bent over, kissing the top of my head, letting her fingers trail through my hair. Pleasurable warmth enveloped my body as she gently forced me into the couch. Her touch was like a warm bath after a bad day. I let my tired lids droop shut as she gently forced my body to fall into the comfort of the couch. I couldn't resist the allure of the soft cushions as my head hit a throw pillow she must have carefully placed under me.

She leaned over and whispered, "I'll let myself out, Mr. Cullen. Sleep well."

I groaned softly in response.

I was pretty sure my dream-like conscience played a cruel joke on my alcohol-induced state of mind during the night because in the distance, before the door clicked shut, I thought I heard her whisper, "Good night, my love."

I decided to play along, allowing my dreams to overcome me, _"Good night, my love. My Bella."_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! You all know I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

**Chapter Five ~ **

Sunlight shouted the arrival of a new day at seven o'clock the next morning. The dull grey overcast of the Los Angeles sky parted ways for the lovely bright rays of sunshine, inviting me to face the day.

I blinked twice, than rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. A slight chill in the air sent a wave of cold through me causing me to pull the small throw around my shoulders a little tighter.

_Who covered me up?_

A wave of terror pulsed through me as I tried to recollect every pertinent detail from the dark recesses of my mind about the events that took place the evening before.

Music. Smoking. Drinking. Masturbating. Isabella. Martinis. More music. Playboy.

_Fuck!_

Propping myself up on my left elbow, I scanned the room with a sober set of eyes looking for any evidence of doing something stupid; or as Heidi so eloquently put it, something irrational.

The empty Jim Beam bottle was lazily sprawled under the coffee table. The beautiful Czech crystal ashtray that I received as a gift from Ava Gardner was sullied in ash and cigarette butts. Two empty Martini glasses gently rested atop my polished black coffee table, one marked gently with a tease of red lipstick.

Two Martini glasses. One empty, one with a swallow of alcohol left floating in the glass.

_Holy hell!_

I threw the small blanket to the floor and stood up with a little too much enthusiasm. My sobriety was mocked with a spine chilling headache that would've even knocked Joe Louis on his ass. Every movement I made was wrought with pain. It sounded like I had my own pair of cymbals ringing in my brain. I sank back down into the couch slowly.

I mentally flogged myself for being so goddamn stupid.

_No more drinking._

Isabella had been here. She had seen me in the worst condition possible: drunk, confused, and guilty of the biggest case of emotional larceny anyone could be tried for. She came over to tell me something exciting, something life-changing and I had been too inebriated to even listen to her properly. I had taken away from that excitement. I was a terrible friend, if I was nothing else.

_At least, no more drinking binges._

I dropped my head in my hands.

_Was my head always this heavy?_

My eyelids began to flutter shut as the telephone bellowed angrily. I knew going back to my state of unconsciousness would be too good to be true.

_You don't need sleep, do you Cullen?_

I picked up the receiver on the seventh ring, "Hello?" I croaked.

"Cullen? Cullen is that you?" The booming, authoritative voice could only belong to one person.

"Yea, it's me, Jenks. How are you this morning?" I looked back at the clock, seven-fifteen. That meant it was ten-fifteen in New York.

_Thank goodness, Heidi made it to New York in one piece. She always came through for me._

I silently crossed myself hoping Jenks's response would only be a favorable one. 

This was the call I had been looking forward to and the call I had been dreading. Jenks was either going to ask me where in the hell my head was or to congratulate me. I was hoping for the latter.

I let out a slow breath as Jenks held his pause. I don't know if he was contemplating suicide because it was too racy of a photo for the cover of Life magazine or getting ready to write me one hell of a commission check, either way his silence was driving me mad with curiosity.

_Speak, dammit._

What seemed like an eternity, which undoubtedly was only a half of a second that had passed before he finally cleared his throat, "Do you really give a rat's ass how I feel this morning, Cullen?" Without waiting for my response, he continued, an obvious smile tainting his normally sour tone, "Cullen, you're a goddamn creative genius, boy!"

_Genius? Me? I could barely keep my cock in my pants and I was being called a creative genius by the biggest editor in the magazine racket._

"Well, uh, thank you Jenks. I don't know what to say." I stammered sitting up. I could feel the blood running back through my veins, bringing some source of life back into my system.

I ran my hand through my hair and grinned. Isabella would be thrilled with the news. This would catapult her career right into a movie contract.

"Well, for starters, son, you can say thank you to the pretty lady who delivered the photographs for your lazy ass. And then you can thank that little starlet of yours for agreeing to be photographed by the likes of you, by taking her to a very nice dinner."

_Yes, I would have to thank Isabella in a very special way. Candlelight dinner. Etta James on the phonograph._

"Cullen, I will send payment for the pictorial with this lovely specimen you call Heidi." Jenks chuckled.

The man was a pig.

_Look who's talking, Cullen. You haven't been a complete gentleman with your thoughts over the past couple of days._

"Thank you, Jenks. It's been a pleasure, as always, to work for you."

"Cullen, you ever think of working for me full-time? Working for Life? Pull up stakes and come to New York?"

_The bastard wanted me to work for him? Leave Los Angeles. Beautiful weather. Beautiful people. _

_Isabella._

"Are you offering me a job, Jenks?"

"You're the biggest free agent out there. Every starlet, glam girl, cheese cake, high fashion model, actress and actor in Hollywood wants you to photograph them. Since _they_ want you, _I need you_."

I couldn't keep the grin off of my face, "You are offering me a job." I stated, more surprised then shocked and shaken, like I should've been. Jenks had always been a blabbering fool, but he was brilliant at his job and even more so, had brilliant people working for him. This was my affirmation that I had become a success.

"How many ways do I have to ask? Are you going to ask an inconsiderate prick like myself to beg?"

"It may help the situation, Jenks." I mused, than continued, "Answer me one question, if every star in Tinseltown wants me to photograph them, why would I move across the country when they're here in Hollywood?"

Jenks's affable disposition turned businesslike, "This is the pulse of where great things happen, boy. This is where everyone who is anyone will end up. Trust me." I could almost picture Jenks starting to sweat the longer I sat silent.

I sat back into the couch, thoroughly enjoying making Jenks uncomfortable. Jenks was known for being a slight pompous, but when confronted with uncertainty, he could be sent squealing like a pig to the slaughterhouse. I was amused that I was one of the men who could do that to him.

The fact still remained that Jenks was a big influence in the magazine industry and he could make me into the success I wanted to maintain or he could easily throw my worthless ass under a moving bus during free-moving traffic. Which meant only one thing: I couldn't be arrogant for very long.

_Career longevity, Cullen._

There was a fly in the ointment though, I couldn't leave her. I couldn't be away from Isabella. It was proving to get more and more difficult every time I would see her.

But I couldn't say no to Jenks. Not yet, anyway.

_You say no and it would be career suicide._

"It'll come with a penthouse on Park Avenue, a car and driver, an unlimited credit account…for God's sake Cullen, what more do you want?"

_Isabella to share it with._

I let out another slow breath, "Can I think about it?"

_There. That was better then saying no._

"Take all the time you need, son. It's a big step. A huge move, so I understand the contemplating you may want to do." He stopped short. I heard Heidi's infectious giggle in the background. The tramp was truly playing the gold digger card today. I rolled my eyes as I heard Jenks cover the mouth piece to the phone and mumble something inaudible that sent Heidi into another frenzy of girlish giggles.

I cleared my throat, "Jenks? You still there?"

"Yes, I'm here, boy. Yes, yes…think about what I have to offer you and get back to me. Take all the time you need, Cullen. As long as you are a commodity to me, I will still want you on my payroll."

"Thanks, Jenks. That really hits the old ticker. You really are full of heart, that's what you are." My voice dripped in sarcasm.

_Horse's ass._

"It's just business, Cullen." With that, the phone went silent.

I sighed, placing the receiver back into its cradle, and rubbed my face with both hands.

_Slashing career's wrists with a switchblade has been put off for another day._

As I sat trying to decide whether or not to make some sort of half-assed attempt at standing, I noticed the grey sky had turned a beautiful Southern California shade of blue. Cars began to clutter the streets of Los Angeles in long snake-like streaks of color. The city was waking up one tired soul after another and I also, had to force myself to move out of the comfort of the couch.

The rest of the morning ran as uneventful as could be expected.

A short swim in the pool to clear my head, a quick shower, and I was on the road in my '52 Cadillac Convertible by ten forty-five, pictorial photos in hand.

It turned out to be a gorgeous day. The sun dripping its golden rays of light onto the City of Angels was a beautiful sight. The great thing about L.A. was that it was beautiful three hundred and sixty-five days a year.

Driving with the convertible top down, wind whipping through my hair as I sped through the city, my mind was entrenched in thoughts of my Isabella.

_My Isabella? When did she become yours, Cullen?_

I stopped in front of the famous Brown Derby restaurant, jumped out of the idling car, and threw James, the valet, my keys.

"Have a nice lunch, Mr. Cullen."

I turned on my heel to meet James, "Is Ms. Swan here yet?"

"Ms. Swan and Mr. Black arrived about ten minutes ago, sir. The hostess will show you to their table, Mr. Cullen."

"Wait…what…are you sure Mr. Black was with her today, James?"

"Yes sir."

I pushed five dollars in his hand and thanked him. James looked at the five dollar tip, than showed me his million dollar grin, "Thank _you_, Mr. Cullen."

"No problem, James."

_Jacob should be in Paris, not here, being a damn fly in the ointment._

I crossed the threshold of the Brown Derby, immediately removing myself from the brilliant sunlight into the ill-defined shadows of the restaurant. I removed my Ray-Ban pilot shades, allowing my eyes to adjust to the muted lighting of the dining hall.

Anyone who cherished their privacy loved the atmosphere of the Derby: secluded and intimate. The deep cherry wood that graced the inner sanctum of the dining room went hand-in-hand with the iron-wrought chandeliers that hung low from the ceiling creating a dim lighting scheme making the room seem more comfortable, more relaxed.

I was greeted by, Irina, a tall, leggy brunette with a wonderful Spanish accent.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan said you'd be joining us today." Irina armed with a menu, began to lead the way towards Isabella's table. As we walked to the back corner of the room, I perused the famous faces sitting within the warm confines of the rich, red velvet chairs. Judy Garland was sitting with her agent at a table for four, engrossed in business. Bill Holden was lunching with his wife over a filet mignon that looked fairly delicious. Cecil B. DeMille was joking with colleagues over a glass of what looked of either Scotch or bourbon.

_Just another day in Tinseltown._

As we rounded a corner into a more secluded portion of the already-private restaurant, I caught a glimpse of her.

She was the bright shining star that lit up the entire room.

Isabella's hair was swept into a delicate twist, pinned neatly to the top of her head. Her make-up was not as extravagant as I was so used to seeing on her. She wore a touch of mascara, with a twinge of red hinting at her pretty lips. Her white skin was powdered to sheer perfection.

I caught her innocent glance as she stole a small sip from a water glass the waitress had set in front of her. Isabella set down the glass, her heart-shaped mouth curving into that beautiful smile I fell in love with.

_In love? Is that what we're calling it now?_

"Edward, so glad you finally made it." Isabella breathed as I slid into the high-backed red booth.

I smiled at her. She wore a smart dark blue Coco Chanel skirt with a white-collared blouse and matching jacket. Her hat was a Dior original navy linen leaf hat. I only recognized it because it was the same hat that adorned her head not a month before for her Harper's Bazaar shoot.

Jacob looked up from his menu, "Edward, dressed for a photo shoot or a lazy Saturday at home with friends?"

"I think a wool jacket with a white shirt is entirely appropriate for an early lunch at the Derby. You're acting like I walked in wearing a cardigan sweater and a polo."

Isabella giggled lightly, "You two are as bad as women. Who knew men would be so overly concerned with what they wore to lunch at eleven in the morning?"

Jacob snapped his menu shut, and took a sip of his drink, never pulling his irritated gaze from mine.

_Prick._

Irina handed me my menu. Without a glance, I gave it back to her, and replied, "Scotch." Then I turned my sights back to Jacob, then back to Irina, "Double, no ice." Irina gave me a nod laced with the hint of a sweet smile and walked away.

I pulled my pack of Kool's from the inside pocket of my jacket, offered a cigarette to Isabella who agreed with a nod of pleasure, and out of habit, lit them both. I handed one to Isabella. She inhaled deeply, allowing herself to get lost in the haze of smoke for a slight second, than she looked back at me, appreciatively.

_You're welcome.  
_

"Are you going to light one for me, too?" Jacob asked defensively, taking his own box of cigarettes out and lighting one of his own.

"I figure the only way one learns manners is to be shown. Since you never offer Isabella or me a smoke, maybe it was time you learned correctly, then shown how rude it is when you don't offer." I blew my cigarette smoke towards Jacob's face and smirked.

Jacob, obviously perturbed, grabbed his drink, and waved down a random waitress. The blonde locked her gaze with Jacob and nodded as he replied, "Another bourbon."

"Drinking much these days, Jacob?" I said, replying to his actions.

"No more then you, I've heard." Jacob threw back the remains of the alcoholic beverage, than took another drag off of his cigarette.

_Touché, Jacob. _

I was tiring of his childish banter, so I turned my attention back to Isabella. "Would you like to see the photos for the pictorial?"

Isabella's face lit up at the mention of the pictorial, she turned her attention towards Jacob, "Jacob, do you want to see the photos from yesterday?"

"I wouldn't miss it." Jacob's voice had a surly undertone to it that Isabella seemed to miss.

I shot Jacob a disapproving look as I took out the brown envelope I had brought in with me, "I heard you were on your way to Paris. What happened?"

"I leave in the morning. Plans change. Let me see the pictures so we can talk about her next job."

_Your next payout, you mean._

I laid out the photo Jenks was using for the July cover of Life magazine, "This is the cover Jacob."

I looked over at Isabella, who seemed to be more enraptured with the photo then I was, "It's wonderful, Edward! You outdid yourself again!" She threw her left arm around my shoulders and gave a squeeze. Every synapse in my body began its normal shots of misfiring from her one touch. My skin cheered with overzealous joy as she let her arm rest on my shoulders for that brief moment.

"A little too taboo for Life magazine, don't you think?" Jacob locked eyes with Isabella, who nervously bit at her lower lip, dropping her appreciative gesture from my shoulders. I felt her knee begin to fidget, something she had been taught to control when she began in this business. Jacob continued to stare at her with his disapproving eagle eye.

"Jenks called me a creative genius over that shot. He told me Isabella was the perfect cover for their summer edition." I replied with a raised eyebrow. Jacob broke his stare from Isabella and narrowed his eyes at me.

"A friggin' genius?" Jacob scoffed. The waitress reappeared with Jacob's fresh bourbon. He took one swallow and continued, "More like fucking lucky."

"Luck has nothing to do with this. Unlike you, Isabella and I have talent."

"You arrogant son of a-"

"Boys? Please." Isabella's voice raised an octave above her normally demure tone as she interrupted. She smiled delicately at Jacob, placing her hand gently over his, than locked eyes with me, "Please stop. You have been friends for such a long time." Isabella turned back towards Jacob, "Please Jake? For me?"

Jacob pulled his hand from underneath hers and replied in a strong tone, "It's just business, Bells." 

Isabella's eyes quivered. She was hurting. With that one simple, indiscriminate movement of his hand, Jacob had hurt her. My heart cried out to her.

_I'm sorry, love. I never would've hurt you like that. I could never bear that look._

And to be honest, Jacob could never deny that he couldn't stand it either, for in fact, he undoubtedly loved her as much as I did.

I had known Jacob Black for eleven years. We had been through a lot together: high school, girls, sports, the passing of his mother. It wasn't until the war that we grew apart. Jacob had fought over in Japan for two years and came back a changed man. Long gone were the days of his fun-loving, carefree ways. His zealous passion for life had been left at the train station the day his dad and I had sent him off to fight.

Upon his return, my friend was unrecognizable. He was an older, darker Jacob: stoic and foreboding. His affable demeanor became surly and antagonistic, at best. Every comment that left his mouth became sour and sarcastic. Women loved him. Drinking and partying consumed him.

After months of this behavior, I had decided to take him to a Vogue Magazine party and introduce him to Isabella.

_Mistake number one._

That's when he changed. He seemed happier, to some degree.

But the more Isabella and I were together, I knew _we_ were falling for each other. And she knew it too.

But the one thing that had gotten in the way was Jacob.

He was in love with her for a time, but before long he began to understand the money train that hung on to Isabella's coattails and _that_ began to consume him. He fell in love with the parties, the business contacts, and the glamour of what was defined as Hollywood. He was rubbing elbows with some of the most famous faces in Hollywood and Isabella's little price tag that accompanied her kept growing. Her success was his success.

Then something happened. Something I saw Jacob do that would hurt Isabella, that could never really be undone, but I made sure I undid it anyway. I covered the mistake for my friend and that cover-up would undoubtedly hurt me the most. I did it for someone whom I considered my brother. My friend.

_It was nice to see Jacob happy again. And she had the power to make him that way._

After they were engaged, I could no longer take back the lie I had so carefully constructed to save Jacob's ass. Isabella would never again see me as the same man after the incident, but my friend was happy.

_Happy and consumed with the fruits of her success._

By that time, it was too late. After a short engagement of one month, Jacob and Isabella exchanged their wedding vows.

Then Isabella became his client, and I began to realize that I had become Jacob's rival. No longer his friend.

After numerous fights, jabs, and insults, combined with the greediness that seemed to overtake his life I had learned that I mirrored the same feelings of dislike that Jacob had for me.

_Remember, Cullen, you created this monster._

Isabella's delicate eyelids fluttered shut for a brief moment as she sighed. Jacob looked guilty, like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner, as he watched her pain unfold like a dying flower. He touched her cheek, "Bella, I'm sorry."

I almost felt sorry for Jacob.

Our waitress approached our table with a dubious expression masking her somewhat homely features, "What can I get for you this afternoon, Mr. Black?"

"Filet for me. Cobb salad for the beautiful lady." Jacob replied not taking his eyes off of Isabella.

"Mr. Cullen?"

"I will not be eating today, thank you." I turned my sour expression towards Jacob's pitiful mug, "My appetite has just left the building."

Truth be told, he still had Isabella and I still didn't.

The waitress nodded and left the three of us to pick up our conversation where we left off. Isabella cleared her throat as Jacob turned his attention back to me.

Isabella began to pick away at nothing on the white tablecloth. She locked my gaze through her luscious lashes and looked back towards Jacob, "Jake, I have something to tell you."

"I got propositioned last night." Isabella knees started to shake again under the table.

"By whom?" Jacob responded reverting back to his normal icy tone. He lit another cigarette, this time looking at me mid-light, he smirked, "Oh, my apologies, Mr. Cullen, would you care for a smoke?"

I shook my head slowly, glaring at him.

_Fuck you._

"Hugh Heffner." Isabella stated simply, obviously ignoring the banter Jacob wanted to start with me. I watched her relentless fidgeting come to a screeching halt.

"Hugh Heffner? The beatnik who wants to take half naked women and put them on display?" Jacob looked directly at me, "I suppose it was you who set this up?"

I would try to be diplomatic about this, "Jacob, its Hugh Heffner. He is producing a magazine that could catapult her career."

"Life magazine is doing that. Harper's Bazaar proved my point. She doesn't have to show her tits every time she gets in front of the camera. She looks like a two-bit tramp in those cheese cake shoots you do, Cullen. "

My blood began to boil. "Never bite the hand that feeds you, Jake."

"We don't owe anyone squat, Cullen."

"It's those shoots that made her and it's those same people who are a pivotal part of this town."

Isabella's eyes grew icy, as if in realization to what her husband just said, narrowing in on Jacob's smug expression, "Jacob Black! Are you kidding? Is that what you think of what I do? If it is then why did you bother marrying me, some quote-unquote two-bit tramp?"

_Because, unfortunately, you married someone who thinks exactly like Jenks, you are a hot commodity. Jacob only cares about the bottom dollar anymore._

Isabella meeting and falling in love with Jacob Black was the fault of only one person.

_Me._

"Bella, sweetheart," Jacob's hard features softened. He took her chin in his hand, than continued, "You are a gorgeous talent that is well beyond what this guy has to offer you. He's a bottom-feeder, a womanizer, and a drunk." Jacob's arrogant gaze floated to mine.

I was seething. Without realizing it, I crushed the glass of Scotch I was holding in my hand. Shards of glass shot everywhere. The amber liquid sullied the crisp, white tablecloth. I looked up apologetically at Isabella, whose eyes were wide with concern. Jacob's mouth turned up into a sinister grin as small drops of blood tainted the cloth. Isabella wrapped one of the cloth napkins around my right hand. Her gentle touch sent shivers down my spine.

I pulled my hand gently away from Isabella, "I have it, love. Thank you."

"I'm sorry Edward. This is all my-" That was so Isabella, taking blame for things that were through no fault of her own.

I smiled to the best of my ability and interrupted her, "Love, don't blame yourself."

Jacob stared at the both of us incredulously.

I turned back towards Jacob, "I _will_ be shooting Isabella for the Playboy shoot, if she so desires." I slid out of the booth, holding my haphazard bandage tightly around the palm of my hand. It was beginning to sting. I continued, "Let's set the record straight Jacob. As much as you want to believe it, or shall I say, as much as you may _want_ _her_ to believe it, I am not a womanizer and I am far from a drunk."

"After the Rose incident, I'm surprised Emmett still hasn't disowned you." Jacob replied hotly.

_After the Rose incident I'm surprised I didn't disown you._

"Maybe because my brother knows what really happened that night." I shot another look at Isabella, who had suddenly donned a look of confusion, then back to Jacob.

As I turned to leave, I heard Isabella reply, "What in the hell is that supposed to mean Jake? What did he mean by you wanting me to _believe _he's a womanizer?"

I couldn't resist a small, satisfied smile as I placed fifteen dollars on the hostess's perch for the Scotch and the clean-up, then walked out the door into the warm California sun.

_Now, there's a fly in your ointment, Jacob._

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_***BIG MARILYN MONROE KISSES***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

**Chapter Six ~ **

Since I was not in the mood to run the risk of infection, I headed straight from the Derby to L.A. General Hospital, where my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was currently employed as the chief of staff. It was early Friday afternoon, so I was hoping that he would still be there making rounds.

I hopped out my convertible, passing by several nurses in the parking lot, smiling like I had something to be happy about.

_You opened up more then the skin on your hand, Cullen. You opened up the biggest fucking can of worms that could either benefit you or blow up in your face._

I walked through a set of double doors into the cool, white sanitized building. The smell of bleach and alcohol assaulted the gentle lining of my nostrils, washing away any traces of Isabella's sweetness that may have lingered a little too long in my olfactory senses.

I weaved my way through the hospital, making my way through a flight of stairs and two floors, until I came face-to-face with my father's dark brown office door.

_How was I supposed to explain this one to my father?_

I knocked softly.

"Come in." Who would know that such a simple phrase spoken by my father could be so consoling?

I opened the door, peaked my head around the door and grinned, "Good afternoon, Dad. I hope I'm not bothering you."

My father looked up and greeted me with a smile. He stood up, walked around his desk with enthusiasm and held out his hand to shake mine, "What brings you to the hospital, Edward?"

This is when I began to feel like the shit-heel son I had become. I hadn't seen or spoken to my parents in about two weeks, which was abnormal for me, so guilt began to flower in the pit of my stomach as my father pulled me into a hug.

He released me from his fatherly embrace and looked down at the odd way I held onto my right hand. "Son, what happened?"

"I broke a glass, nothing to worry about. Can you fix me in here? You know, without the nuisance of having the throngs of people out there knowing I'm here?"

"Edward, you're famous, but don't be an arrogant ass about it. Did you walk in yourself or did Heidi wrap a black bag around your head and walk you in? " That was my father's way of telling me I wasn't as important as I seemed to think I was. My family always was there to push me off my pedestal. They kept me sane in a world of crazy.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and laughed. My father was right. No one assaulted me on the way through the hospital. Some just stared like they knew me, nothing more.

"I can fix it here." My father chuckled lightly, grabbing his black medical bag he kept in the corner of his office. He opened it up and began rooting through it with determination on his face. He continued, "Have you spoken to your brother or your sister?"

"I had had an uneventful conversation with Emmet last week, and I see Alice, every time I see Isabella. Why?" I replied as he began to disrobe the likes of my messy hand. I sat down in one of his high-backed brown leather chairs as he began his work. He took out a syringe of clear fluid, injecting the site of the deepest gash on my palm. I winced slightly as the burn travelled from the tip of the needle to my hand. Immediately the anesthetic began to take effect spreading over my hand, relieving the splintering burn that was beginning to spread to my wrist.

"I just wanted to know how my son-in-law was doing in Egypt. He's been there for over a month." My father assessed the condition of my hand with a skillful eye. He began to take small shards of glass out of my palm, dropping them in a small glass beaker on his desk.

My brother-in-law, Jasper Whitlock, was a director for Paramount Studios. He was a juggernaut in the film industry, currently working with Elizabeth Taylor in Egypt.

Jasper was the reason I became a photographer. He had me shooting the likes of Tallulah Bankhead as a favor for him back in '44 for a public relations event when his hired photographer never showed up on the set of Alfred Hitchcock's film Lifeboat, which was Ms. Bankhead's most noteworthy role to date.

I had been taking pictures of famous faces ever since.

"Has Alice been keeping pretty busy with Isabella?"

There was a slight tug at my heart at the sound of her name. Pieces of my heart were chipping away every time I had to see Isabella with Jacob, every time I heard her name, every minute I was away from her, like the small glass shards that my father dropped into the beaker, one by one.

_Plink. Plink. Plink._

It was like I wasn't a whole man anymore.

I shrugged, playing off my inner torment, "Isabella is a busy lady, dad, so that means I'm sure Alice stays busy."

"Your sister seems to think pretty highly of Isabella Swan, what do you think of her?" My father mused as he swabbed some molasses brown syrup over my numerous cuts.

_I think she's the perfect woman married to the not-so-perfect man._

"Dad, please, you know how I feel about Isabella. She's just a-"

"Another model?" My father finished as he wrapped my wounds with fresh gauze. He continued, "Keep thinking that Edward. Keep thinking of her as a client. She's a married woman. Married to Jacob, no less."

I didn't know what to say. Was he telling me to stay away from her? I couldn't do that. I couldn't stay away from her for more then a day's time anymore.

He secured the last piece of tape on the gauze, than looked at me, a concerned expression crossing his face, "Alice told me about the way you look at her Edward."

_Holy hell, is it that obvious? _

I probably looked like I needed to be committed to an asylum with the dumb look I had plastered to my face whenever Isabella was within the crosshairs of my sight.

_Where were the straight jacket and the white rubber room?_

"Dad, she's a friend, like Jacob. Nothing more." I hated telling my father half-truths. This is what I had resorted to, lying to my own father about how I felt, because I was not allowed to feel anything for her.

_I need to be lobotomized._

"A friend like Jacob? Son, Jacob hasn't been your friend since you introduced him to Isabella." My father began to dutifully clean up his space.

"Jacob made it that way."

_Goddamn, I needed to have a cigarette._

"Are you sure about that, Edward? Are you sure it was him and not you?"

I ran my good hand through my locks. I was getting frustrated by constant questioning. Was I sure? Was I not sure? Dammit, I had never been _so_ sure about anything in my whole fucking life. Jacob caused this strife. If it wasn't for Jacob listening to his cock instead of doing what was right, I would be with Isabella and he would be…well, he would just be Jacob. Womanizing, drinking, partying fool, Jacob Black.

_Remember, this was all you, Cullen. You did this. You were the one who wanted to see him happy._

I was a damn fool.

_iShe liked you. Deep down you know that what happened between you and Isabella was ready to blossom into something so much more. And you had to make Jacob happy. You had to introduce them. Then that was it. You couldn't stop the shit ball you had created from the snowball effect, than when it was too late, it hit you. Right in the goddamn face._

_BAM!_

He sat behind his large desk, interlocked his fingers and looked at me with fatherly concern. He continued, "Edward, don't do anything you're going to regret."

_The only regret I have, is not telling Isabella the truth about that night with Rose._

I smile reassuringly, "Don't worry dad, I don't do things I regret."

_There would be no more regrets. I made that promise the night of the wedding. The night I handed Isabella to Jacob on a silver fucking platter would be the only regret that haunted me. Ever._

"You know, Edward, I've never had to worry about you before." He shook his head and grinned, "I guess I shouldn't worry about you now, should I?"

_No, you shouldn't worry because I'm going to fix that one regret and make it right. Make it right for me and for Isabella. For us._

Getting out of the chair, I replied, "Thanks for the fix, dad." I turned to leave, then looked back at him and smiled another reassuring smile, just for his peace of mind, more then anything, "No, don't worry. I won't do anything I'll regret."

_I promise I would never regret Isabella. I promise to make it everything right._

With that, I left the warm comfort of his office, and sprinted down the hall. I had to get home. I had to call Isabella. And I had to see her.

The glittering Hollywood skyline was painted in different hues of purple and blue watercolors, introducing the day to the night as I drove up the tree-lined street of Washington Avenue in the Hollywood Hills. I didn't anticipate being gone as long as I had been after the visit to my father's office, but aimless driving, seemingly cleared my head.

As I approached my winding concrete driveway, I made out two individuals.

One I knew. One dressed in a red waiter uniform.

_What the hell?_

I pulled my red convertible up the drive and cut the engine.

Isabella had changed her outfit since I saw her this afternoon. She was wearing a Suzy Perette cocktail dress in pintucked black taffeta and velvet, a pair of black stilettos, with a pair of black satin elbow length gloves caressing her arms. Her hair gently cascaded down her back in soft, chiffon like tendrils. A light dark grey wrap surrounded her beautiful porcelain shoulders. The shock of contrast between her white skin and the black dress was stunning.

The waiter stood patiently by her side as she tapped her foot against the red brick walkway.

_Goddamn, the woman was so fine. Too fucking beautiful for her own good._

A ridiculous looking grin crossed my face. I just couldn't help it. The woman made me smile. Without thinking, I hopped out of the convertible not bothering to use the driver's side door. It was like someone shoved a firecracker up my ass and set it off.

I called out to her, "Isabella? Did I miss a meeting?"

As she spun around to meet me, the black taffeta of the skirt swirled around her like a veil of black smoke dancing around her gorgeous gams. Isabella's dress flattered her figure beautifully with its scooped back and neckline.

Her radiant smile returned as she locked her gaze on mine, "Mr. Cullen," she began.

_Here we go with the 'Mr. Cullen'. Damn woman, if you were mine, you would be out of that dress in the flutter of an angel's heartbeat._

Isabella's eyelashes fluttered flirtatiously as she continued, "Would you do me the honors of joining me for dinner tonight, since our lunch meeting was so rudely interrupted this afternoon?"

_Oh, for the love of Pete, is she kidding?_

The short, stubby waiter was holding a large silver portable oven in one arm and a bottle of red wine in the other.

"You must've been pretty certain I would say yes since you came prepared."

Her magnificent cherry red lips curved into a seductive half moon, "I always come prepared, Mr. Cullen. Are we going to stand out here all night or do you have a key?"

_Oh, holy hell. God strike me down right now if I'm reading too much into this._

Without thinking, I handed her my house key. She continued smiling that fucking seductive snarl that she saved for her photos as her dream-like gaze bore into my soul. She extended a gloved hand, palm up, motioning for the key. They suddenly felt like dead weight in my left hand. Without breaking her stare, I dropped them into her hand. She turned towards the door, letting herself into my house. My cock twitched slightly as I watched her sashay into the entryway.

Was I looking too much into this? Maybe I was. Maybe Isabella's intentions were nothing but an innocent dinner she felt I deserved. The waiter caught my attention and smiled a big, toothy grin.

_Nope, no need to read between the lines here, Cullen. Even the fucking waiter knows what's happening tonight._

I motioned for the waiter to go ahead of me. I heard Isabella talking to him as he entered my expansive kitchen. "Aro, please put everything in the oven and set it to warm. I'll take the wine."

"Yes ma'am." Aro responded as he handed her the bottle of wine.

I watched Isabella in disbelief, as she hurried her way through the kitchen, rummaging through my cabinets. "Aha! Victory!" Enthusiastic and proud of herself, she held up two crystal wine glasses. "Is this alright?"

"Yes, of course." I waved a hand dismissively.

_Holy shit, if she really is here to talk business, I'll have to take several cold showers and begin writing a book on how to get rid of blue balls._

Aro scurried around the oven then looked over at Isabella attempting to open the bottle of wine, "May I, Ms. Swan?"

"Thank you Aro." Aro popped the cork to the bottle and handed it back to her.

Isabella quickly poured two glasses and handed one to me. She looked back at Aro and hurried back to her clutch she had abandoned on the bar. With a swish of her dress she turned to meet Aro at the front door with a wad of green bills, "This will take care of the taxi as well, Aro. Thank you."

"My pleasure, Ms. Swan." Aro took one last look at me and smiled knowingly.

_Let's hope so, my friend._

Isabella turned towards me after she shut the front door. I heard the tumbler click and lock into its place, securing the door.

_I never lock my front door. Oh, holy hell, I'm in trouble._

My inner, evil me was doing cartwheels.

_Fuck YES!_

I looked down at the small, etched crystal wine goblet Isabella handed to me and took a small sip of the red wine. The alcohol swished down the delicate lining of my throat. I wanted to throw the whole damn thing down, but showed a little more self-control then I thought I was possessing right then.

Isabella walked over to the phonograph, wine glass in hand, a half grin playing over her mouth as her forefinger grazed the spines of my records.

"Music, Mr. Cullen?"

"What are you doing Isabella?"

_Goddamn, where the hell are my smokes? _

I needed to keep my mouth and my other hand busy, so I wouldn't rip that dress off of her ripe body. My breathing was becoming a little less then smooth as she watched me fumble for my cigarette box.

"I thought since you had that unfortunate accident at the restaurant today and lunch ended on such a sour note, that I would bring the Derby to you. Is that a crime, Edward?" She blinked innocently as she pulled out an album and placed it on the phonograph. The soft crackles of the shiny vinyl penetrated the phonograph speaker along with the sweet melody of Billie Holiday's, You're My Thrill.

My hands were beginning to shake so badly, I had to put my wine glass on the end table next to me.

_Cigarettes? What cigarettes?_

Isabella swallowed the rest of her red wine, set down the glass next to the phonograph and looked at me with a dreamy, provocative look that I knew only too well. The only exception was that tonight, she was doing it for me. And it wasn't because I had a camera in my hand.

Her dress swished gently as she moved closer to me. I could smell her sweet breath as she stood no more then a foot away from me. I wanted to reach out and touch her because I knew where this was going. I knew what was about to happen. I had wanted this moment from the first time I laid eyes on her.

But a small piece of me was screaming to stop. That small piece was preventing me from putting my hands on her.

I didn't want this to stop, though. I wanted this. Wanted her. Needed her. Needed her hands on me.

_Married, Edward. Married to Jacob. _

For the most part, I didn't care.

_Career down the toilet, Cullen._

I really didn't care.

_Flush, there it goes._

"What are you doing Isabella?" I asked again trying to regain some self-control.

"Call me Bella." She replied in almost a whisper.

_Sweet, holy hell, her voice…so low, so enrapturing._

It felt so good to hear her drunk-love voice tell me to call her Bella.

_You're far from dreaming, Cullen. This is real buddy._

I tried to concentrate on my ragged breathing as her hands slowly removed my grey wool jacket from my body.

"Bella, what are we doing?"

"Something we should have done a long time ago." She simply responded throwing my jacket over the arm of the couch. She placed both of her hands on my quivering chest.

_Oh…holy…hell…_

"Edward, I made a mistake." Bella's eyes fluttered shut. Her breath began to come out in raspy, short whispers as she continued, "I should've told him no when he proposed. Why didn't you stop me?"

I closed my eyes. I needed just to feel everything that I had wanted. Everything I had needed from her she was giving me. Electric currents were running through her fingertips as she caressed the thin white button down shirt that clung to my body, sending me into a different part of the universe. Our universe.

I pulled in more of her strawberry scent into my sinuses. It was an aphrodisiac I couldn't resist.

"I thought it's what you wanted." I breathed as my shaky hands brushed against the velvet on the bodice of her dress.

My self-control was wavering as I pulled her in closer. Her face was inches from mine.

"Every time you snap my picture and I give you that look. i_The look_./i I pretend that it's just you and I in the world, in that shot. I make believe that I am posing just for you. Not for Jacob, not for any man, but for you. It's all for you, Edward."

I let my fingers drink in every curve of her. The fabric of my pants began constrict my being. The longing in my loins began to burn slowly with every word that was coming out of her mouth.

_Her pretty red mouth. _

"Bella, I'm afraid…" I looked down at her face. I needed to see her. I needed her to mean everything she said. I needed to not be a regret she would hate in the morning. I was terrified that she would regret this when the sun came up.

"Edward, the only thing I'm afraid of is walking away from you right now."

That's all I needed. Those words were all I needed to push me off the cliff and dive head first into the ocean that was Isabella Swan.

My Isabella.

My Bella.

My everything.

Her hands found their way around my neck. She stroked the skin between the collar of my shirt and my hairline with her fingertips, coercing me to kiss her.

"Bella, please…" I was begging, pleading for her to either stop me or for her to continue pushing me. I didn't know anymore. I had been loving her for too long to stop anything that was happening.

"Edward." She whispered as she placed her finger to my lips, shushing me.

Her eyes fluttered open and there was that seductive smirk through her half closed lids. That grin sent me spiraling over the edge of the blade I was balancing on.

_Oh, sweet heaven almighty, I'm going to pay for this._

My lips crashed into hers with such intense ferocity that it made me light headed. Those sweet lips molded to fit mine. A fit so perfect, it was like it was meant to be.

With every second that ticked by, the burning in the pit of my stomach had grown exponentially for the magnificent woman that was in front of me. Her hands feverishly yanked the buttons off my shirt one by one as my hands fumbled for the small zipper that had kept her dress attached to her. As I pulled the zipper, she stopped kissing me, took one step away from me, smiling slyly.

I didn't want to stop touching her, but the way she held my gaze nailed me to where I stood, unmoving, just watching. She could've put my cock in my own hand and I would've just stood there, in awe.

She shed her gloves. My cock twitching in response to each glove peeling it's way slowly down her arms.

One falling to the floor. One more drifting like a feather.

All I could do was stare. She was incredible. She had me hooked, like a love stoned dog. There could have been a goddamn earth-shattering catastrophe and I would have never noticed.

Bella peeled the light strips of black velvet from her alabaster shoulders, one at the time.

_Holy hell, the woman was stripping for me. _

Isabella let the dress fall into a shadowy cloud at her feet. She stepped out of the dress demurely and stood two feet in front of me. She stuck one painted fingernail into her mouth and giggled, "I seemed to have lost my dress, Mr. Cullen."

She threw her head back and laughed. A laugh that was so free and so goddamn sexy, it sent chills over my flesh. My cock was hard, throbbing and holy shit, so ready for her. I was about to lose my mind. Everything about her screamed 'fuck me!'

My eyes wandered from her black patent stilettos to the revealing black thigh highs held on snugly with a matching black garter, traveling over her beautiful tight abdomen to her full heaving breasts that were confined in black lace.

_So goddamn lovely._

"Do you like what you see, Mr. Cullen?"

"You're stunning." I replied, love struck by her.

She motioned to me with her painted fingernail, biting at her lower lip with a coy expression dancing in her eyes. Like a magnet attracted to its gravitational pole, I floated over to her. She pulled my unbuttoned white shirt from my body sending it to the floor. As she pulled me into her wet, luscious lips, her bubblegum tongue began to trace my bottom lip. She was driving me insane. Little electric impulses ran through my bottom lip as her tongue swept back and forth.

My hands swept her curvaceous waist resting at the top of her hips. Her skin was on fire under my seeking hands. Kneading her hips, pulling her closer to me.

My kisses began to fall, one right after another, down the line of her jaw, sweeping down the curve of her neck, working my way to her chest.

I dropped to my knees in front of her, letting my hands drift to the lusciousness of her ass. I swept my lips over her abdomen. Every time I let my lips caress her skin, she would moan softly. Her breaths were short gasps now as I wrapped my arms around her waist. I allowed my hands to drink in the back of her stocking-covered thighs. My fingers lightly dug into her soft flesh. "Oh, Edward…," she moaned as she grasped at the back of my neck.

I loved that she was calling my name. Every single time she opened her mouth and called my name was more affirmation that she belonged with me.

Isabella fisted my hair as I began to let my tongue sweep over her silky skin. Her hands peeled away my wife-beater undershirt and began feverishly kneading my skin. She wanted more, like she needed me as much as I needed her. Her exploring fingers began to push my head deeper into her stomach as she arched her back.

Every time I ran my tongue by her belly button, small goose bumps would appear. I smiled as I blew soft breaths underneath her naval making her collapse to her knees front of me.

Bella's eyes met mine, "Lie down, Edward."

_Anything for you, Bella. You could tell me to run naked through the streets of Hollywood barking like a dog and I would do it._

I laid down on the white shag area rug in front of her, propping myself up on my elbows. My erection was screaming to be released from the confines of my trousers. Bella stood above me in her silk stockings and stilettos, assessing the crotch of my pants. A slow, sexy smile pulled at the corners of her lips teasing me. She bit her lower lip, bent over and yanked my belt off of me in one motion.

The soft light of the moon filtered through my living room windows, sending a soft, supple glow over Bella's skin. She was radiating true beauty as she stood in her black silk stockings before me. I had never seen anything more lovely in all my life. She was the epitome of beauty as she stood there swinging my black belt from side-to-side. Bella bent over and began to strip my trousers from my body just as fast as she shed the belt. As she peeled my pants off, she dug her blood red fingernails into my thighs on the way down. I hissed through my teeth.

_Goddamn, she was a fucking naughty, wicked little thing. _

A smile permeated my features as she pulled my boxers from my skin, releasing the erection I had been harboring.

I watched intently as Bella straddled my legs seductively and locked my gaze with hers as she took the shaft into her hand. Before I knew it, her hot mouth was wrapped around my cock.

_Oh my…sweet holy…_

I groaned in immediate response to her touch, throwing my head back. I didn't know how much more taunting and teasing I could take from her. I was completely naked and she was still half dressed.

_And looking fucking amazing sucking on my cock._

I managed to pull my head back up off the floor because I needed to see her. I needed to swim in her chocolate brown eyes as she worked every inch of my body. With her warm, succulent mouth wrapped around my cock, her hands cupped my ass as my hips took on a mind of their own. The suction and the heat of her mouth were almost too much. I fisted her soft brown hair, pushing my cock into her mouth, deeper. And she, in return, greedily wanted more, pulling me into her as much as I could go.

_Goddamn, I needed to touch her. _

I sat up and pulled her into my lap, pulling her into another kiss. My tongue searching her hot mouth. My hands started to pull at her bra straps. I had to get it off of her. I had to touch her breasts, bring them to my mouth. I unfastened the bra and tossed it to the side with my belt. I licked my lips and took one of her aroused nipples into my mouth. I nipped and suckled until she was calling my name again, "Edward…oh Edward…" Her hands tangled through my hair as she pulled me deeper into her chest.

My fingers gravitated down towards her beautiful, wet pussy. Moving her black panties to the side, I shoved two fingers into her heat. There was a slight hitch in her breathing as I began to create small ministrations around her clit with my thumb as my fingers moved slowly in and out of her wet opening.

_You are so fucking wet. So hot. So beautiful._

I couldn't take anymore. She was just so lovely. I couldn't quash my need for release anymore. I could feel her contracting around my fingers, so I knew she was close.

"I want you right now Bella." I said laying her gently on the rug. I removed her heels, her garters, those beautiful silk stockings, and her panties as fast as I could without ripping them.

_Because, holy hell, I wanted her to wear them again for me._

With that, her legs were wrapped around my waist, guiding me to my release.

"So beautiful. My Isabella." I whispered. Crashing my lips into hers once more, her hips came up to meet mine.

As I plunged into her slowly, she pulled me into her deeper. With every thrust I could feel myself coming apart at the seams. As her nails tore into my back, I wanted the slashes to go deeper. I wanted her to know that I was hers forever. I wanted her marks on me signifying_ I_ was the one she wanted.

Bella's eyes began to glisten under the moon's beams as she once again, locked my gaze. Her whole body tightened underneath mine in release, "I love you, Edward."

Everything in my being shattered with those four little words. It was like hearing an angel sigh.

"I have always loved you Isabella Marie Swan. And I always will." I breathed releasing everything I had into her.

_You are love-stoned, Cullen. _

And I didn't mind one bit, as Bella and I clung to one another in a sweaty heap on my living room floor, the moon cascading a waterfall of light onto our bodies.

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Leave me some lovin'! I love to hear from ya ;)**_

_***BIG MARILYN MONROE KISSES***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: First & foremost, characters belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer, but The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic  
**_

_**The Nearness of You originally sang by Sarah Vaughan for CBS Records**_

_**Written by Hoagy Carmichael, Ned Washington**_

_**Performed in New York City by Sarah Vaughan on December 21, 1949 **_

_**Lyrics courtesy **_

_**Props: Also, I have to take the time to thank my sister (again) for being my editor…she loves this story as much as I do. So much so, that while she was reading this chapter, her one year old daughter got lollipop stuck in her hair without her noticing too much. ;) Thank goodness, no one's hair had to be cut for the love of this little fanfic.**_

_**Finally, this chapter is dedicated to my support system, the FFFW (**__**.com**__**) readers of The Pin-Up Girl…you guys are effin' awesome crazy bi-otches & I love each and every last one of you! Thank you for being the skeleton in my body & the adrenaline pumping through my veins! Without you, this little story would've ended a long time ago. **_

**Chapter Seven ~ **

Love.

A simple four-letter word that meant so much, and yet, was as complicated and intricate as a spider's web on a warm summer's eve. The simple act of love that Bella and I had engaged in was going to get as complicated as that spider's web.

And I knew that as soon as we declared our love for one another.

_Jacob. _

It would get tangled and complex.

_Lies will have to be told._

I already foresaw it.

_Discretion would be essential. _

I knew how complicated it would get. Discretion was of the essence, especially with a high profile talent like Bella.

_I'm fucking a married woman._

But for now, as I lay next to my love, the outside world was irrelevant.

_She loves you. You love her. Period. _

The outside world was irrelevant…for now, anyway.

_A destined love could never fail…right?_

And I was happy to oblige because lying next to Bella was like being in heaven next to a delicate angel. It was easy to dismiss any, if not all, of the complexities we may have to face in the future. We were together, on the same page. We would be able to get through anything.

_Was our love rock steady? Steady enough to stand up to the shit storm that was coming. _

Hopefully without losing our careers in the process. 

_*Flush*_

Bella and I lay face-to-face staring into each other's eyes, not speaking. Her eyes were easy to get lost in. It was like looking through a pane of glass straight to her soul. It was beautiful.

_What I wouldn't give to get into her head. _

"What are you thinking?" Bella asked after a few moments, as if she was reading my mind, her eyes dancing with curiosity.

"I was thinking what I wouldn't give to get into your pretty head." I replied with a half grin pulling at the corner of my mouth.

Her smile lit up my world, "Do you think I'm _that_ interesting on the outside to want to know what's happening on the inside?"

I pulled my bandaged hand from underneath the side of my face and stroked her cheek lightly, "I think that you are the most interesting person I know."

"Why, Edward? I'm no one special. I'm just a girl from a one-horse town in Washington-"

"Who is more extraordinary then you give yourself credit for." I finished.

Bella propped herself up onto her right elbow setting her head onto the palm of her hand, excitement trilling through her voice, "Get the camera out."

_Abso-fucking-lutely. _

I hopped up, found my grey slacks lying in a haphazard pile on the floor and tossed them on. I walked into my bedroom and grabbed my Ektra sitting in the same place on my dresser I left it two days before after my last shoot with Bella.

"Grab a couple rolls of film, Edward!" Bella exclaimed from the other room. Her voice still was dripping with excitement.

I fumbled with clumsy hands through my nightstand drawer, grabbing two brand new rolls of Kodak film.

There was a new skip in my step as I walked back into my living room. I was damn near giddy.

"Bella, what is going through-"

I stopped short and lost my voice as soon as I pulled my sights off of my camera and up into those chocolate brown eyes. It was like my inner being pulled my vocal cords out of their sockets.

_*ZAP*_

And that's when my jaw dropped two feet on the floor from my face. My heart sped up in a brief instant, than stopped just as suddenly.

_Medic! We need a medic over here!  
_

Sarah Vaughan's "The Nearness of You" flooded the entire room.

_Man down! Man down! _

Bella stood in the middle of the room, cigarette in one hand, and the crumpled photo from the previous evening in the other. The soft dim light from a single lamp engulfed her exquisite figure as she stood in white stockings, white garters, and white Dior stiletto pumps. Her alabaster skin sparkled in the soft glow, her breasts barely covered by a sheer white, waist-high robe, the edges delicately trimmed with a white fluffy boa. Her pink nipples were aroused and standing at attention through the see-through fabric.

_Holy hell…_

A mask of innocence caressed her features; her eyes drunk with passion and love.

_I'm getting a pulse…he's coming around, folks. _

As if God, Himself, was as enraptured with her beauty and being as I was, a slight breeze wafted through the room, sending the robe up in a flutter, making her look as though she possessed angel wings.

Ms. Vaughan's sexy voice only added to the ambient mood of the room.

_Why do I just wither and forget all resistance  
When you and your magic pass by  
My heart's in a dither, dear  
When you're at a distance_

_But when you are near, oh my _

"When I was here last night, I saw this on the floor, resting peacefully next to you." Bella waved the crumpled sheet of photo paper in her hand, a smile teasing her newly painted cherry red lips.

_It's not the pale moon that excites me  
That thrills and delights me_

_Oh no, it's just the nearness of you _

I nodded like an idiot child. I couldn't speak.

_Pulse getting stronger…breathe, Cullen! _

The sultry voice of Sarah Vaughan soothed my thumping heart as I watched Bella walk over to me.

_It isn't your sweet conversation _

_That brings this sensation_

_Oh no, it's the nearness of you _

Bella extinguished her cigarette in a small amber ashtray on the end table, looked up at me with a dream-like gaze through half-closed lids and walked over to me. She entangled her arm around my waist, making her way behind me. Her sharp heels made a soft clicking noise against the wood of my flooring, sending delicious chills down my spine.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. _

She began to trace the curves of my back muscles with her fingertip. I closed my eyes and let her touch encase my being. Bella moved her finger through the peaks and valleys of my muscles in a slow, tortuous manner, sending me into a spiral.

_When you're in my arms_

_And I feel you so close to me_

_All my wildest dreams come true _

All I could do was stand there. It was like Bella put me under some love-induced spell, as her finger gently roamed over my skin.

She placed a hand on each side of my waist, continuing to massage my lower back with her thumbs, than planted a light butterfly-winged kiss in the center of the back of my neck. Bella's breasts rubbed seductively across my back as she ran her soft tongue from the spot she kissed down the top of my shoulder then back to my ear. Pulling my earlobe into her warm mouth, she nibbled and suckled until I thought I would die, right there on the floor. My legs were turning into Jell-o.

Releasing my earlobe from her delectable mouth, her voice purred sensuously into my ear, sending a shockwave of endorphins straight to my balls, "The day you shot this photo, I wanted you so badly, I had to go home and do things to myself that were unspeakable."

Ms. Vaughan's lyrics reverberated through my head, as I could do nothing but feel.

_I need no soft lights_

_If you'll only grant me_

_The right to hold you ever so tight_

_And to feel in the night the nearness of you_

The photo floated to the floor in front of my feet, "Do you want me to tell you what I did to myself or would you like me to show you, Edward?"

The only thing I could muster in response, was a groan of pure pleasure.

_Show me. Fuck, just show me, my beautiful Bella. _

She had me completely love-stoned.

I was like a man crawling his way through the Nevada desert on the hottest day of the year struggling to breathe. Nothing could satiate my lovesick hunger.

No one save for Bella.

My eyelids fluttered open as she posed herself in front of me again. Running her finger across my bare collarbone, she cooed delicately, "I would like to show you what I fantasized about."

Playfully, Bella pulled at my bottom lip with her teeth, than she whispered, "Take out the camera, Edward, and follow me."

_I don't know if I could move, even if I tried, love. _

Before my brain could catch up with what she was saying, Bella turned on her stiletto and walked out into the moonlight of the evening onto the massive piece of grass into my backyard, a blue velvet backdrop from my collection suddenly appeared, draped over her arm.

The insistent yearning within my loins had returned, sending my cock into a frenzy.

_I think you permanently nailed my balls to the floor, you magnificent sex kitten. _

I was in so much trouble.

_I'm going to hell in a burning chariot with the hounds of hell paving the way, and the Devil himself escorting me all the way there. _

I watched her lay out the back drop onto the grass, positioning her body in the same pose as in the photo, splaying out her hair above her like an angel's halo. I wasn't sure how my legs found feeling again, but I managed to walk out and make my way toward her.

For a few brief moments, I found enough sanity to flounder a new roll of film into the camera.

My backyard was wrought with the unfiltered moonlight that dripped shamelessly from the full moon that had blessed the Los Angeles skies, giving me the unusual advantage of natural light. I pulled my second set of eyes to the world up to my face, bringing Bella's seductive figure into view.

Bella began to play with me as I approached, and I shot ten frames in succession.

_Is the trouble worth it, Cullen?_

_Snap. _

_**Fuck.**_

_Snap. _

_**Yes.**_

_Snap. Snap. Snap… _

Her hands twisted through the soft tendrils of her hair as I continued catching every moment that she allowed me to suspend in time. Her hands began to drift sensuously down her neck, gently caressing her breasts.

_Those goddamn eyes. _

Her eyelids fluttered shut as her hands began to explore her body. Down her neck, fingers lingering at her heaving chest. Bella's legs rubbed together slowly.

My trousers were so tight I couldn't even fit a pack of cigarettes in the pocket if I had wanted to. Small beads of sweat began to permeate my scorching skin as I continued to watch her writhe with seductive prowess.

Bella's hands moved under the flimsy fabric of her robe. Her hands explored the curvaceous shape of her breasts. Her fingers began to linger over her aroused nipples underneath the sheer fabric. She began to moan softly, as she rolled her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers, "Oh, Edward."

_Oh, Christ almighty. _

I'm not sure when I stopped snapping photos, but suddenly her eyes met mine. She motioned at me with her finger, as her other hand slipped sensuously down her lace panties.

_Oh, fuck! Let me help you with that. _

The camera felt like a hundred pounds in my hand. I let it go, dropping it into the grass. I pulled off my trousers and made my way towards her on the blue velvet.

"Tell me." I wouldn't take her unless she told me those three words.

"I love you. I've always loved you. No one else," she purred. I stood before her as she placed her dressed foot into my left hand. I took it, caressing the shiny patent leather with both hands.

She sighed, "Tell me."

"I love you." I began as I tossed the white-heeled shoe in the pool. A small splash sputtered in acceptance.

_Thank the heavens I had a private backyard, not a person in sight for over five miles. _

She pointed her toes at me through her stocking-covered foot. I let my fingers caress the arch of her foot. Bella purred in response.

_Oh, fuck yes, Bella. _

"I love your gams," I continued as I let my hand slide up her calf.

She continued to palm herself slowly under the white lace, her eyes never leaving mine.

Soft, sexy rumblings left her throat as I allowed my hands to travel up her left leg, letting it falter at the knee. I placed it gently back onto the blanket, picking up her right leg and doing the same as I did to the left, tossing the other shoe into the pool to follow the demise of the other heel.

I draped her legs spread eagle in front of me, slipping my hands under her knees and hoisting them up only a couple inches off the blanket.

She removed her hand from underneath the white lace.

As I dropped to my knees between her legs, letting my hands drift to her garters, she placed her wet finger to my mouth. I took it between my lips greedily sucking every drop she fed me.

_Goddamn, she tastes so fucking good. _

She gave me her sexy smile, while she removed her finger from my mouth.

"I love the way you taste." I replied a slow smile spreading across my face.

I unclipped the white lace thigh highs from the confines of the small metal grips and began to roll the silk stockings off of each leg.

"I love your sexy thighs as they wrap around my waist." I continued digging my fingers into her soft alabaster flesh.

Bella arched her back in response, "Hmmm…more. Tell me more, Edward."

I moved from between her legs and crawled back to my camera. She looked so goddamn sexy with the only things remaining on her body were a garter, her lace panties, and that gorgeous flimsy piece of fabric.

Her eyes lazily drifted open. When she realized what I was doing she rolled onto her stomach and propped herself up on all fours, beginning a seductive crawl toward me. The robe billowed in the breeze like a cloud.

Bella flipped her soft tresses to her left shoulder and began to move through the sea of navy blue velvet.

"Tell me more, baby." She cooed.

_Snap. _

_Sweet holy hell. _

_Snap. _

This woman made me do things I never would have ever thought of doing.

_Snap. _

_Like take pictures of her while you're in your birthday suit in your backyard at nine o' clock in the evening. _

_Snap. _

I set my camera back down as she closed in on my lips and drew me into another one of her sweet kisses, straddling my lap. My hands gently removed the robe from her shoulders. I began a soft trail of wet kisses down her neck to her chest.

Bella arched her back, as my hands rested on her lace-covered ass. I fisted the sheer fabric. I wanted to rip them right off of her like the primordial animal she was turning me into.

She looked down into my eyes and raised an eyebrow at me, "And what are you going to do about those you nasty, naughty boy?"

I took one of her pert nipples into my mouth as I forcefully pulled the flimsy fabric at the seams.

_Riipppp…Hehe…Victory! _

Lace panties gone.

Bella grabbed my face with both hands, pulling her breast from the hot confines of my mouth.

She gave a sexy little giggle that sent a wave of goose flesh across my skin. "That's my naughty, naughty boy. Now, baby, tell me. Just once more."

Our faces were just a breath away from each other, her hands entangled in my hair, and my arms encircling her tiny waist.

She looked at me with such a tender expression, it made my heart swell.

She was no longer the woman I had fantasized about. She was no longer the woman I had grown to love over the past year. She was my soul mate. She was the reason I lived. The reason I breathed.

And nothing could get in the way of that.

_Nothing and no one. _

"All I want is to be loved by you. By only you, Edward," A crystal-like tear escaped from the corner of her eye.

I was so in love with her, my heart ached. And with each second that ticked by, I was falling deeper into an oblivion I could never recover from.

We were no longer naked in my backyard, but we had stripped away all of us, for each other. We were two lovers baring our souls to each other.

I looked into her deep brown eyes, my voice only a whisper, "I love you. You are my sun, my air, my day and my night."

With those words, the performance of only a few hours before began to replay.

I laid her down in the grass, my hands never leaving the back of her head, sliding my cock into her hot, wet pussy. Slowly, I began to take her as I wiped that single tear away from her eye. She groaned as I slipped in and out in slow succession, penetrating deeper with each pass.

_She would always feel love from me. _

She sighed, "Look at me when you cum, Edward."

_Tenderness. _

Her hands grabbed the sides of my face as my penetrations began to get deeper and harder. Just looking into her eyes was like looking into her soul. She wanted this as much as I did. There was no doubt in my mind that the love I had for Bella was a love she reciprocated.

_Never pain. _

My body was ready to implode.

"Don't hold back Edward. Give me all of you. I need you to give me all of you. Your heart. Your soul. All of you."

_Always pleasure. _

"You have me Isabella. My soul. My heart. My life." I gasped as sweat began to trickle between my shoulder blades.

Bella continued to hold onto the sides of my face as I plunged as hard and as deep as I could. She let her hands glide down to the back of my neck.

Her hips began to move faster the harder I plunged into her. She threw her head back and allowed her release to overtake her. Her body began to shudder and contract around my cock.

Watching her climax was fucking irresistible.

_Holy hell. _

As I climaxed I never took my eyes off of hers. I couldn't. I wanted her to know that I meant every word I said.

It was at the pique of my release that Bella replied, "As I am yours, lover. My soul. My heart. My life."

With those words, I crumbled into a heap on top of her. She began to stroke my damp hair, wrapping her legs tighter around my waist, hugging me closer to her, "Don't go anywhere, Edward. Just stay with me. Like this, under the night sky."

"Love," I propped myself up on my elbows, smiling at her, "I could not dream of leaving you right now."

Heaven.

That's where I was: In heaven with my angel.

_**Hope you enjoyed the latest installment of The Pin-Up Girl…I swear, I won't make you guys wait as long for the next installment ;)**_

_**Your luvin' inspires & moves me to pieces. I read every review and I treasure them. **_

_**So, because I am that needy girl…leave me big sized Bettie Page type luvin'. You guys are the effin' best! Luv ya much! **_

_***SMOOCHES & STARS***_

_**~Cozzy **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: First & foremost, characters belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer, but the universe that is **_

_**The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_**Thank You's: **_

_**To my sis, my Beta, my friend, Kiki ;)**_

_**To my Readers…You guys are just effin' awesome! You have given me such a warm welcome & I luv you bunches for that. Every review you guys leave me is like a huge kiss. Thank you so much for reading! You keep me going…  
**_

**Chapter Eight ~**

Bella and I met a new day tangled in each other's arms, swimming in the deep blue velvet back drop on dew-drenched grass on Saturday morning. I blinked as the bright sun's good-morning rays pierced through my lids. I yawned, stretching like a cat after a well-needed nap.

Bella's peaceful face snuggled closer into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. Last night had been…

_Amazing. _

Bella was amazing.

I looked down to watch her peacefully sleeping on my chest only to be met with her soft brown eyes looking up at me in wonder. She smiled delicately, shifting her gaze back down to my chest.

I smiled at her, stroking at her soft hair that was slightly disheveled, "Bella?"

"Yes Edward?" Bella began to trace the line of hair that went from my navel to below my waistline.

_Goddamn, the woman can't even touch me without me getting hard for her. _

"I think we need breakfast." As if on cue, Bella's stomach rumbled with hungry excitement.

Her head snapped up, her hand flying to her mouth, "The food. In the oven. Oh. My. God."

My laugh came out so naturally at her sudden attack of surprise, I didn't recognize it as my own.

A slight V-shaped crease puckered between her eyebrows. "Edward Cullen, am I amusing?"

"Love, the food disintegrated in the middle of the night, I'm sure."

Bella groaned, covering her face up with her hands, "I can't believe I forgot about the food."

Propping myself up on my right elbow, I pulled her hands delicately away from her face and smiled gently, bringing her hands to my lips, planting small baby kisses on her fingers, "I had everything I needed last night, love. Food was the last thing on my mind."

"I could have burned your house down, Edward."

"It's just a house." I muttered still enraptured with her fingers.

_Kissing her hands, her delicate hands…one finger at a time. _

Bella giggled playfully, lacing my fingers with hers, "Houses can't be replaced so easily, Edward."

"What's a house? My life would be in ruin if I didn't have you." I replied in between kisses. I looked up as she just stared at me, her eyes bright with a newfound enthusiasm I had never seen before, a smile suspended in mid-air.

She looked down at me with the same tender look that she had in her eyes the evening before. Bella had never given it to Jacob, or to her fans. Hell, she hadn't even given it to me, until last night.

_She did love me. _

My insides began to unravel with ease, like a disjointed rope getting the kinks removed.

Bella's face slowly moved into mine. She placed a soft kiss onto my bottom lip, then my top. I attempted to kiss her back, bringing my lips to hers, but she backed away, another smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

_Goddamn, Bella, just… one….kiss. _

I attempted to push myself into her lips that were centimeters from mine, but she backed away so I missed her by the space of one breath.

_Little vixen has too much control over me._

Bella's body began to shake with an uncontrollable fit of giggles. I grabbed her by the waist and threw her gently onto her back, straddling her body between my legs. My bare ass rested gently on her abdomen, my hardening cock resting between her bare breasts.

"Do you think you're the only one allowed to tease, Ms. Swan?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, teasing is an art I have perfected, Mr. Cullen." She replied with a bit of sarcasm tainting her delicate voice, an evil little glimmer shining bright in her eyes.

"Is that so, Ms. Swan?" I asked with a sexy twinge to my own voice. My eyelids began to lazily droop, hot sex dripping from my smoldering green eyes and boring right through her.

Bella looked down at my already-hard cock, a wicked little smile teasing the corners of her sexy mouth. She raised a perfect manicured eyebrow, "Are you going to be the one teasing me, Mr. Cullen?" Bella licked her lips seductively, placed a hand on the outside of each of her breasts and pushed them together, capturing my member between her soft, hot pillows of flesh.

"Or am I the one doing the teasing?" She cooed quietly as if attempting to tame a wild beast.

_Touché Bella. _

I tossed my head back and sighed as she rubbed her tits up and down my cock.

_So much for teasing her. _

Bella slid her breasts along my length. The friction was scandalous.

_Holy hell, how could one woman do this to a sane, intelligent person?_

"God, love, don't stop." My breath was becoming more ragged.

"Look at me Edward." I opened my eyes to see her lick the inside of her palm. She grabbed my shaft and began to stroke with long wet passes.

"Oh, damn it all, Bella!" I yelled to no one in particular. She was making me so fucking crazy.

"Do you know what you do to me, Mr. Cullen, when I see you groaning like that? When I see that I can make you come to the brink of insanity with one touch?"

_Fuck, she feels so fucking good. Tits, hand, mouth, pussy. Fuck! _

Bella continued, her voice oozing in sensuality,"I can cum without you even laying one single finger on me…just by seeing what I can do to you. Your groans, your sighs, your moans, the sexy way you look at me through that glazed-over expression in your eyes…"

_Keep talking, love. Don't stop._

I watched her watch me through her full, thick lashes. Her face exuded a mix of tenderness, love, fear, aggression, and frustration. She was a myriad of emotions in one face. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. Her eyes clamped shut tight as she moved her breasts faster. Her hips moved against air beneath me.

_She's turning herself on. Fuck me gently, sweet Bella._

Bella looked up at me, sexual frustration lacing her expression, "Goddamn, Edward, lay down. i_I _/i need to taste you." Her eyes were glazed over as if she needed a fix of something. Like she was addicted.

_You're not the only love-sick fool here, Cullen. _

I happily obliged, lying down on my back. Her lips curved into that seductive snarl I loved so much. She positioned herself in between my legs, licking her lips once more.

"I love the way you taste, Mr. Cullen." Her tongue began to make slow circles around the head. My cock throbbed merrily in response. It was taking all of my strength not to thrust my length down her throat.

_He's going into cardiac arrest. We may lose him this time, guys. _

I grabbed the back of her hair, groaning loudly, as she licked and suckled on me like it was a Tootsie Pop.

"Now, we were discussing the art of teasing just a second ago, weren't we Mr. Cullen?" Her tongue stopped circling after I didn't respond. I was too involved with her tongue ministrations to even notice the question. They were just words that were strung together by her wonderful sighs of lust.

_Here we go again…I need a pulse!_

I was putty in her hands.

_We're not getting a pulse from him!_

"Wh-?" I began but couldn't even remember my own name.

_Recover! RECOVER! Someone slap the shit out of him!_

Her voice was merely a whisper, "Teasing, Mr. Cullen? We were talking about you teasing me? Do you remember?"

_*SLAP*_

Bella's seductive voice drew me back to her wonderful reality. It was almost surreal. The cloudless sky was such a deep rich blue... It surrounded us in an almost fantasy-like state. I felt like we were in a snow globe. The flawless sky blending into the deep green of the Kentucky bluegrass that grew underneath me. The only two things in the world were the likes of Bella and me and the smooth blue sky.

"Uh-huh" I gasped. Bella's tongue began again. Circling. Slowly. Oh so fucking slowly.

Her tongue began a slow, arduous crawl from the tip to the shaft, stopping halfway; her hot breath encompassing my aching balls.

_Goddamn, you leave me breathless Bella. _

"Do you think I'm pretty good, Mr. Cullen? Do you think I have perfected the art of teasing?"

_Oh, fuck…_

"Bella, please…" I begged.

"What? Please what, Mr. Cullen?" Bella brought her wet, hot mouth to the tip of my cock and kissed it gently. My cock twitched in giddy response.

_Did she want me to spell it out for her? F-U-C-K M-E! _

"Please…" I groaned.

_Fucking suck it…Christ, almighty! _

"Say it out loud, Mr. Cullen…" She teased grazing her teeth across the tip, than continued, "Tell me what a tease I am. Tell me how much you like seeing your wicked girl sucking you till you cum."

Bella's sultry gaze locked in on mine and she continued, licking the small drop that had escaped, "Mmmmm…that little drip…yummy…if you want my whole mouth, you need to ask nicely."

The vibrations from her lips being so close to my cock sent the ache straight to my balls. I wanted to grab her head and force myself down her pretty throat.

My vocal chords sputtered. Fuck, did I have a voice anymore?

"Ask me, or I get up and walk away, Mr. Cullen…" Bella's brought her finger to the tip of my cock and with a feather-light touch began to trace the head. Her eyes were laced with seduction.

_Sexy-ass fucking woman. _

I was her goddamn prisoner.

"Bella, you fucking tease, will you please suck my cock?" I choked out. I was out of my mind. Her love had me going insane.

"Now, was that so hard, Mr. Cullen?" Her seductive little grin returned to her lips.

_Sexy fucking smile. _

Bella's pretty mouth slid over my length, her hand cupping my balls.

_I'm out of my fucking mind.  
_

She began to move faster, then stopped, her mouth curving into a smile, "Cum for me Edward. I want to taste you."

_Fuck woman! _

Her lips regained its position around my member going slow and sensual; every now and again, running her teeth over it. Every time my cock hit the back of my throat, she would suck harder. I felt like I had a vacuum permanently attached to it.

As I came to the pique of losing control, Bella dragged her nails into my thighs, scraping them into the flesh.

_So goddamn fucking good. Holy shit! _

"Don't stop, Bella. Fuck Me! Holy FUCKING SHIT, DON'T STOP!"

When I finally released, I came hard and fast, pouring everything I had down her beautiful throat. She swallowed, lapping up every drop with a lovesick thirst. My heart was beating so hard, I thought it would pop out of my chest. My gasps were short and shallow. I propped myself up on my elbows, a stupid grin plastered across my face.

Bella released me, looked up at me, licked her lips and smiled, "Would you like some coffee?"

"What?" I chuckled.

_How could she do that? On. Off. _

"Coffee? I need coffee with my cream." She replied matter-of-factly, a twinge of sparkle entering her eyes.

_Joke, Cullen. Big dumb-ass…wake up. _

"Is this your sick way of making a joke?" I replied with one raised eyebrow, half-grinning.

"Yes, and I need my caffeine this early in the morning." Bella said laughing. She stood up and held her hand out. I grabbed her delicate hand for leverage as I pulled myself up onto shaky legs. I pulled Bella into a tight embrace. Her arms weaved around me, locking her hold on me as tight as she could.

_Like she didn't want to let go._

I didn't want her to. She glanced up at me through her thick lashes, "I'm going to take a quick shower."

"I can make coffee," I said as she dropped her arms from me.

_Jacob. _

His name popped into my head like a lightning bolt as she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house.

_Fucking Jacob, always ruining something. Goddamn fly in the ointment. _

Bella looked back at me, as her hand dropped from mine. She padded across my living room in bare feet, retrieved her cocktail dress and a large black bag from the whirlwind of chaos and walked into the hallway. "Down here?" she asked motioning towards the long stretch of corridor.

_I didn't see her bring in that bag. _

"Second door on the left, love," I replied watching her luxurious figure float down the hall, dress in one hand, and the bag in the other.

Bella smiled at me with perfect white teeth. Goddamn, after a night of beautiful lovemaking, spending the night outside, and waking up to the most sinful delight, she was still fucking gorgeous.

The bathroom door shut with a soft click.

I smiled and ran my hand through my hair. Little green flecks of foliage began to flutter to the floor in front of me.

_Grass. I have grass in my hair. I can shower, than make coffee. Bella will be at least twenty minutes. _

I nearly skipped to my bathroom, showering quickly, throwing new clothes on even faster. By the time I walked into the kitchen, Bella was out of her shower.

_Damn, she showered quick. _

She wore a pink silk robe that barely covered her scantily clad ass. Her hair was hanging down her back in long wet tendrils. She was watching the coffee percolate on the stove, tapping her foot impatiently.

The food from the night before sat scorched and in ruin in the kitchen wastebasket near the refrigerator.

I was wearing nothing but a pair of khakis and a white undershirt. My own hair wet and disheveled. I grabbed a new pack of cigarettes from my small round kitchen table; hit the top of the pack into the palm of my hand, than un-wrapped the package. I shook out two cigarettes. One for me, one for Bella and lit them both.

I handed her one as she began pouring two cups of coffee.

"Black, correct?" she asked giving me one of the ceramic mugs.

"How'd you know that?"

_I never told her I took it black. Hell, I never had coffee on the set of our shoots. _

"You don't have a creamer cow anywhere, so I assumed you didn't take cream. I figured you were sweet enough, I didn't think you needed sugar." She smiled stirring a small amount of sugar in her own coffee.

She had been hanging out with Jacob too long. The 'too sweet for sugar' was a line he used often around particularly endearing women.

_Sick fuck treated her like every other bimbo he nailed. _

"Thank you, yes, I take it black." I replied.

I took a long drag from my cigarette, watching her stirring at her coffee absently. Bella was staring off into empty space. Her beautiful, fresh face was expressionless except the creases in her forehead.

_She's worried. Scared. _

Her eyebrows were knitting an intricate web between her eyebrows.

_Lies. Deceit. Hiding what's going on…With those things coming at you at fifty miles an hour wouldn't you be scared, Cullen? _

"What's wrong?" I asked, tapping the ash of my cigarette into the kitchen sink. I slowly nursed my coffee, watching her face fall into a frown.

"Nothing…No, that's a lie. It's not just nothing." She took another long drag from her dying cigarette, sighing as she exhaled.

_Fuck, here we go._

"Do you regret what we did Bella?" My voice went dead in the matter of my angel's sigh. I ran my hands through my damp hair and drew on my cigarette once more. I leaned against the white of my countertop, keeping my sights on the trashcan full of burnt offerings.

If I looked at her, and she told me she didn't mean a damn thing last night, the tears from my own eyes would come on their own. My heart would start the dying process. Not that I was a weak man, but because she was something I had loved for too long. If she denied me now…

_Love hurts, Cullen._

I exhaled slowly, readying myself for her answer.

In truth, underneath black sky, surrounded by darkness and magically drifting through your own sea of reality, it was quite easy to declare an undying love. In the daytime, in the sunlight, maybe for Bella, clarity had sunk into her soul, realizing her mistake.

_She's counting the cost, Cullen. Her career. Yours. Her husband. _

I flinched inwardly.

_Yes, asshole, Jacob is still her husband. _

I wasn't sure what expression she was trying to convey. Surprise. Regret. She was just staring at me, or beyond me…expressionless.

_Speak, love. Please don't tell me I was a regret. _

Expressionless, until tears began to roll down her face.

_Oh, hell almighty, I—_

"Edward, did you mean what you said?" She asked sternly. Her eyes narrowed as if she was closely inspecting my reaction.

"About what, love?" I asked, suddenly a little confused.

"That you loved me."

_Of course, I love you! _

Then realization settled within me. Jacob. The lies.

The lie I began.

The lie that he accepted and made into an intricate vine of other lies to corrupt her. To keep Bella from me.

_Goddamn, she believes Jacob's fucking lie. _

"I am not quite sure what you may be thinking Bella, or more like, what Jacob may have ingrained in that head of yours over the past few months, but I don't sleep around with all the models and starlets I photograph. And I don't just throw the word 'love' out there like it was a used up cigarette butt."

"Have you ever said 'I love you' to anyone?" Bella leaned against the white stove. She crossed her legs, one over the other. Her form was phenomenal and her innocence in the question only added to that extraordinary women I grew to love more and more as the seconds passed. A concentrated effort had turned her attention back to stirring her coffee.

_She had to leave Jacob. She had to be with me. He would suck the life right out of her. He already was._

And even if she didn't leave Jacob. So what, she can be with me, as well.

_What the fuck are you babbling about now, Cullen? Have you flipped your goddamn lid? _

If Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy could do it…

_That's right, try to justify it in your little head, buddy boy. _

I had cracked. Finally.

_Sharing her? Are you joking? Bella is not a toy. Not a plaything you can jerk-off to anytime you want, Cullen. You're cracked, you know that? You're starting to sound like Jacob, for fuck's sake. _

She was a beautiful, sophisticated woman that deserved to be treated like the goddess she was. To be loved and adored, unconditionally.

_And there he is...our boy, Edward Cullen. Where have you been buddy? You checked out for a while. Glad to have you back. That evil brother of yours was cramping your style. _

I threw out my burned down cigarette into the sink and took her face between my hands, "No, I have never said 'I love you' to anyone at all. It has always been you. No one else. It's always been just you, Bella."

My hands slid down her silky cheeks and rested casually on her shoulders, "Now you need to answer me this one question, Bella…do you regret what we did last night?"

I watched her face on bated breath. 

"No. No regrets, Edward." She simply stated, sniffling setting her cup down on the counter.

"Did you mean what you said last night? That you loved me?" I began to wipe the tears from her face with my thumbs.

_Undoing all the wrong Jacob instilled in her._

"Yes, every word, with all my heart." She replied as I studied her face.

She wasn't lying. There was one thing I had learned in this business and that was how to read people.

Models to actresses, I could read each one of them. They could easily trap you with their looks and lie to you until the cows came home, with their knowing ways of seducing the camera.

Not Bella. She was still so pure and readable. The business had not tainted her.

And goddamn it that made me love her more, right there.

_She was flawless._

"Then that's it. Conversation over. We can do this. We can get through Jacob and anyone else who may get in our way." I declared filled with a newfound confidence.

_We're about to fight an uphill battle, love. Are you ready for that? _

Bella's eyes softened, "I would never regret us, Edward. Please never forget that. I would walk through fire for you."

"And are you going to be willing to walk through fire iwith/i me?" I asked as my arms entangled themselves around her waist. I never wanted to let her go.

_I had to ask her. She had to count the cost. _

In the deepest pits of my stomach I knew what we were getting ready to embark on. I knew that the rags would have a field day with this one. Like the speculation with Kate Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Those rag-happy bastards still wouldn't leave those two alone.

_It doesn't help that Kate and Spencer are still fucking and Spencer is still married to his wife. _

"I would walk through fire with you. Always and forever," Bella's lips began to graze my neck.

"We have to be careful." I said her breath running hot on the tip of my Adam's apple.

"We'll be careful." She agreed rubbing at my damp hairline, her soft lips still on my neck.

"If anyone finds out…" I whispered, rubbing my hands down the curves of her back.

A loud thud reverberated painfully through my ears. Startled, Bella and I just clung to each other like a couple of kids caught making out on Blueberry Hill at midnight.

Heidi stood in my kitchen doorway, a look of irritation pulling at the pre-mature crow's feet that speckled the outside corners of her eyes.

Heidi sighed, her gaze shifting from me to Bella than back to me. "Now, Edward, I told you not to do anything irrational while I was gone."

Heidi threw her large Dior hat onto the kitchen table, lit up a cigarette and crossed her arms, looking at Bella turning beet red in my arms.

_Shit. _

_**Hope you enjoyed chapter eight of The Pin-Up Girl…**_

_**So, because I am that needy girl…leave me big-sized type luvin'. You guys are the effin' best! Luv ya much! **_

_***SMOOCHES & STARS***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: First and foremost, characters belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. Secondly, The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

**Chapter Nine ~ **

Heidi looked at Bella and me expectantly. I didn't know what to say. I was stunned. Heidi was supposed to keep her ass in New York until, at least, Sunday. It was only eleven in the morning on Saturday. Besides, can't the bitch knock?

"Hey, this isn't-" I began. Heidi held up her hand, palm out to me.

"I don't care Edward." She turned her sights to Bella's red face, beginning to take off her smart white gloves, "Isabella, darling, I know this is none of my business, but since Mr. Cullen here is only thinking with the head inside his pants, maybe you can be the little voice of reason that I have so unsuccessfully tried to be myself.

Bella's arms unwound from my neck. She crossed her arms and stared at Heidi with a snarky expression, "Heidi, we're grown adults-"

Heidi interrupted, holding her palm up to Bella in the same silencing gesture she had used on me, "Isabella, darling, obviously neither of you has had a coherent thought cross your mind. Allow me to put this in perspective for you both. I do not care about what iyou/i do ini your /ipersonal life or for the duration ofi your/i career. That, darling, is Jacob's job. On both counts. My job is to care what happens to ihis/i career."

Heidi took a drag off of her cigarette, stepped between Bella and I, and turned the water to the kitchen faucet on. The water dripped carelessly over the burning butt of her cigarette. She threw the butt in the trashcan and rubbed her hands together, "Isabella, darling, go get dressed." Heidi looked disapprovingly at Bella's attire, grimaced than continued, "Edward and I need a moment to discuss this turn of events."

Bella looked at me, than back at Heidi. Her lips pressed into a hard, thin line. As Bella passed, she gave Heidi a cold look, "This is none of your business."

"Oh, sweetheart, this situation has become iall/i of my business. I keep his pretty face out of the rags," Heidi replied coldly, never taking her hard, calculating eyes from my face.

Bella stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Heidi and I staring at each other.

"And it looks like I'll be keeping your beautiful ass out of the rags as well, so start getting used to it being my business!" Heidi called after Bella, a look of amusement beginning to pull at her beguiling eyes.

I could feel the heat that had ignited in my gut begin to boil up to my face. I was hot, flushed and ready to pull Heidi's arms out of their sockets and beat her with them. I probably looked like a goddamn cartoon, with smoke coming out of my ears and everything.

I lit another smoke, trying to regain some sense of self-control before I spoke. But I couldn't hide the ungracious edge in my voice. "Heidi, what the fuck are you doing here? And since when are you allowed to waltz in and out of here like you own the place? Just because you live on my property in the house next to Felix does not give you any right to come intoi my /ihouse at any time. You're my assistant."

"I am not only your assistant, but I am also your public relations gal that keeps your cute little ass out of the rags, sweetheart. I have this town by the balls." Heidi turned a perfectly manicured eyebrow skyward.

Frustration rocked me to the core. I was furious. Taking three steps towards her, I stood toe-to-toe with her contemptuous glare, my green eyes burning into hers, my nose just an inch from hers. I screamed in annoyance at her cool, collected taunting, "I should fucking fire you!"

"You should, but you won't." She retorted, her eyes never wavering from mine.

"And why won't I?" I screamed back. I was seeing red.

"Sweetheart," Heidi began with her smooth, cool voice, "I am not having another press debacle on my hands like the one three years ago. Do you remember that?"

_Condescending bitch whore. That's why I didn't fire her._

I sighed, taking three steps away from her callous expression, and rested back against the countertop. Whispers of faint memories began to cloud my head.

_Snowdrop. _

"Twenty-two year old Edward Cullen beds twenty-five year old Ava Gardner in the midst of her divorce from Mickey Rooney!" Heidi arms flailed up to the heavens in emphasis.

"Snowdrop was a peach, wasn't she?" My lips curled into a wicked grin.

"Snowdrop? For Pete's sake, Edward! Stop acting like a twelve year old!"

I chuckled at Heidi's response. Heidi could never stand Ava Gardner. I had assumed it was because Ava was beautiful and ballsy. Just like Heidi.

_But not Isabella. Isabella was phenomenal. _

"Ava was a stupid mistake. She liked to play around, is all. If she had kept her mouth shut, it would've been kept a secret." I returned.

_Ava liked to play around. A lot._

"Yes. Ava was a bit of a tramp." Heidi said softly, more to herself then to me.

_And I was young, dumb, and full of cum._

"I wouldn't go that far. I think Ava just has a problem being alone. She went from Mickey to me to Artie within just a couple years. And now she's got Frank…who the hell knows how long that will last." I shrugged indifferently. I could have given two shits about Ava.

_I wasn't a fucking monk before Isabella. But none of that mattered now._

"Are you done analyzing her Edward? I mean honestly, I could give a rat's ass about Ava. I give a damn about you."

_You only give a damn about your career, Heidi. I have always been secondary._

"My career." I corrected.

"Exactly." Heidi replied in a curt tone.

_Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner folks!_

"Everything will be fine, Heidi." I knocked a long line of grey ash down the drain of the kitchen sink. Trying to reassure Heidi was like trying to bathe a cat in cold water. Damn near impossible.

_Bella is different. Every other woman meant next to nothing compared to Bella._

Was I a bad person for thinking that? Was I a bad man for not caring about any other except for my Bella? No one could compare to her. No one could hold a candle to her. Not Ava, not anyone.

_Who fucking cares about my goddamn career, anyway? Without Bella, I'm nothing._

"Edward," Heidi sighed reluctantly admitting defeat, "I know you have the hots for this glam gal. But please, she is dangerous. Jacob…"

"Jacob won't be a problem, Heidi." I interrupted with an irritated edge to my voice.

Heidi always looked out for one person.

_Herself._

"I know you and Jacob have a history, Edward…" Heidi let my name just hang in the air like an undisturbed dust mote floating through time.

"But?" I prompted with the same aggravated tone. Heidi always spoke her mind, whether I wanted her to or not. This time would be no exception, I was sure.

Heidi sighed, taking one of her Pall Malls from its silver cigarette case. She tapped it with a gentle hand against the case before she put the delicate paper to her lips, "Jacob has a temper, Cullen. He can obliterate your career into dust."

"Jacob won't need to know about this-"

"Unless she intends to leave him. Then it will be crystal clear. Look, it's none of my business, Edward. Whatever you think is best for the two of you. But please, give me a small break and be somewhat  
realistic-"

Bella reappeared in the doorway to the kitchen in a deep purple circle skirt, a black cinch belt and a thin peach short-sleeved wool sweater that clung to her breathtaking bosom. Her black kitten heels tapped lightly on the linoleum flooring as she crossed the kitchen to stand by my side.

I couldn't help but smile at her bravery. Heidi was a mean-spirited bitch. It took a lot of guts to stand up to her.

_Mine and Bella's first stand together. The first of man, probably._

Bella smiled at me, than looked at Heidi, her voice almost a whisper as Bella's dainty fingers began to lace through my own, "Heidi, maybe you should let Edward and I take care of this. He loves me. And I love him with all of my heart."

"Isabella, darling, do not be so goddamn naïve. You're not a kid. You're twenty-three years old. Be a realist, for God's sake." Heidi's irritated stature was starting to rub my nerves raw.

"Fuck, Heidi, give it a rest." I snapped to Bella's defense. I had had enough of her holier-than-thou bullshit for one Saturday morning.

_For the rest of my fucking life. Shit, I should just fire her._

Bella held up her hand, mirroring Heidi's earlier theatrics. Her voice even, her eyes bearing down on Heidi, "So is this where our uphill battle begins? With a stone-cold gold-digging bitch-of-an-assistant?

I turned my head slowly to look at Bella. She stared at Heidi with an air of smug satisfaction, and spread slowly across my lips.

_Brave. Sexy. Smart. Beautiful. Broad. Goddamn I love you, Isabella Swan._

Without a thought, I spun Bella into my arms and kissed her. Hard. Tongue and everything.

_Take that, Heidi. Mood killing bitch._

Shocked, Bella's hands tangled into my bronze locks, her lips relaxing into mine. Bella's soft tongue began its tortuous seductive exploration of my mouth.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Heidi cleared her throat.

Twice.

I tore myself away from Bella's warm kiss, looking up at Heidi, "Oh, Heidi, darling, I forgot you were in the room."

Priggish. Smug. Pompous. I knew the look on my face expelled all those things towards Heidi, as I held Bella in my arms.

Heidi crossed her arms, looking all too annoyed with me.

"Nice, Edward. So glad you two have that out of your system. Now, Isabella darling, what do you plan on telling your dear sweet Jacob?

My jaw clenched as Bella stiffened in my arms at the mention of his name.

_Jacob._

Heidi's cigarette was burning down to her fingertips. She took one more aggravated drag, than smashed the butt into the dark gray ashtray in the center of my round table. She sat down with a huff in one of the four red vinyl seats, crossed her legs with evident annoyance and sighed.

With her thumb and forefinger, Heidi began to pinch the bridge of her nose as she spoke. Now she was speaking more to Bella than to me, "Do you plan on divorcing him when he gets back from this little business trip? And how are you going to pull off your public displays of affection? You know the two of you have the Heffner party the night he comes back? And let's not forget the Edith Head soirée this evening? Are you going together or separate? Do you even have a plan or were just running with this by the seat of your pants?"

"What is this? The goddamn Spanish inquisition, Heidi? Fuck! You make it sound like we're going to be skipping into these things holding hands." I was damn-near disturbed by her firing squad of questions.

"She's right Edward." Bella released me and sat next to Heidi at the round table, crossing her legs in a comfortable fashion. Bella gestured to Heidi's cigarette case, "May I?"

Bile began to rise into the back of my throat.

_She's having those second thoughts._

"Help yourself, darling. Lord knows we'll be here a while." Heidi gave Bella a genuine smile.

_What? _

First, Bella finds her brave-and-ballsy backbone, and now she is cow-towing to Miss Bitch.

_Counting the cost, Cullen. Ticking off the pros and cons._

"Bella?" I questioned standing in shock. What was she thinking? Is she going to back down now? Is that all its going to take to push her from my side? A slight nudge from Heidi?

"Edward, sit down." Bella began, lighting her smoke.

I sat down like a petulant child. Heidi smirked shamelessly like she had cracked Bella over the head with a cube of lead crystal.

Almost out of affirmation of my love, I took Bella's hand in mine. Bella continued all the while looking straight into my eyes, so I could see the tears moistening her own. "Heidi, we have a love so pure, so genuine. You can't deny us that."

_Oh, God in heaven, thank you. Her love is real and defined. And here she is, shouting it from the rooftops._

Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Nice sentiment, but love doesn't pay the bills, darling." Annoyance still plagued my insides. I wanted to throw Heidi out on her pretentious ass.

Bella's gaze shifted to Heidi's, unrealized tears disappearing only to be replaced with a look of fire yet wrought with provoked deception, "We need your help. We need your experience and expertise in the fine art of mind-fucking the rags in this business. At least until I can get my divorce. We need you to be on board with us. We can't do this without you."

_Bella's divorce?_

She was leaving him. Just like that. The words just poured out of her pretty lips as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to say. Like a beautiful concerto of bravado. My heart skipped in jubilation.

A pompous grin began its journey across my face. It was either from the word 'divorce' or from how she was playing Heidi. I couldn't distinguish which at this point. All I knew was that I was skipping like a little kid out of a candy store with the biggest bag of chocolate in the world.

Bella was knowingly choosing her words with careful utterance. I couldn't help but smile with a conceited tug pulling shamelessly at my insides.

Heidi's precious deviant little ego could be played. It just needed to be by the right person.

_My little vixen was playing Heidi. Fighting fire with fire._

Like a piano in a beautiful orchestra of trickery and deceit, my Bella was using her irrepressible charm on Heidi's weasel-like disposition to get her to help us in our little affair.

My heart flinched at the word.

Affair.

Classic dictionary definition: A romantic and sexual relationship, between two people who are not married to each other.

_You can always call it an act of subterfuge._

It sounded like we were doing something dirty. Acting in some wicked pool of deception.

_Fuck, if you aren't, Cullen. She is a sexy, wicked little thing that you love and adore more than your own life. Someone you would be willing to wade through numerous hoops of smoke and mirrors to be with. _

_That's more than an affair. It's an act of the heart._

Heidi looked from me to Bella, than rolled her eyes in apathy as if admitting a sick sort of defeat to Bella's unprecedented act of ego handling, "Edward, you have my word. I will help you and Isabella in any way I can, but when Jacob comes back…you need to prepare yourselves. Your quote-unquote, dare I say it, 'love', will have to endure the wrath of Jacob, the rags and ultimately, the public, if this case of dirty laundry gets tossed to the outside world, which I will assume it will."

"I'm leaving him, Heidi." Bella declared, sitting up a little straighter, tightening her grip on my hand, as if reassuring me. Her skirt crumpled delicately under the smooth movements of her legs crossing and uncrossing in Bella's feeble attempt to hide her not-so-subtle creases of worry that were plaguing her delicate facial features.

"Isabella, darling, don't be so quick to throw your illustrious career down the crapper after one night of lust and desire." Heidi returned coldly.

"Heidi, please, this started long before last night." I lit up another cigarette for Bella and myself, "Besides," I continued, "What did you think? We were going to fuck for a few months and that would be it? I've loved her since the first moment I laid eyes on her."

_There. Now I was declaring my love for Bella to someone else. This was real, goddamn it._

Bella gave my hand another small squeeze.

_I love you._

Heidi propped her elbows on the table and began to rub at her temples. She closed her eyes, sighed deeply and replied, "Alright already. If this goes south, you two are going down in flames on your own. I won't even throw you a goddamn rope. I'll throw you a goddamn gas can to encourage full disintegration."

"Your kindness touches us both, Heidi." Bella responded sourly.

Heidi's eyes shot open like a rush of adrenaline spiked her heart, "I mean it, Cullen. Jacob is fucking dangerous. The contacts he's made…" her voice faltered. Heidi seemed as nervous as a cat in a room full of hungry dogs.

"Why are you all so afraid of Jake? What's the worst that can happen?" Bella inquired, with almost too much innocence.

"All of our careers…gone. You'll have to live on that love you two have, Isabella, darling. And I'll say it again, love doesn't pay the bills. Especially the way the two of you spend money."

As if done with the conversation, Heidi stood up, walked into the living room, slammed two cabinet doors and returned with two square crystal glasses and a bottle of Jack Daniels. She set a glass down in front of Bella and one in front of me. A cascading amber waterfall swished gently into each glass. I looked at Bella and shrugged.

_A firing squad with our last drink and a smoke resting between our lips._

Heidi held up the bottle of whiskey, in the gesture of a toast.

_Blindfolds, check._

Bella and I copied her actions raising our glasses simultaneously.

Heidi replied, "We're all going to hell together, kids. Ready for the ride?"

"_Any last words?" The grim reaper whispered in my ear._

Heidi clinked our glasses with the neck of the bottle, looked me in the eye, and tilted the mouth of the bottle to her tinted red lips.

"_No last words, Cullen?" His dead expression chilled me._

Through her gaze, I knew not to trust her. Heidi was only out for one person…Heidi. No one else. And I couldn't begrudge her for that. Heidi had said it. If Bella and I went down in flames, she would be the first person to throw us the gasoline and stoke the fire.

"_Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer." I replied._

Bella placed her hand on my knee, filling me with a surge of confidence. We would overcome. Our love would prevail. It had to.

_Ready…aim…"_

I watched Heidi over the rim of my glass. She had no loyalty, unless you were an asset.

_FIRE!_

Bella and I followed suit, clinking the crystal as if we were making a pact. A pact to love and to protect each other under all circumstances. One final resolution.

_Ready for the ride to hell, my sweet Bella? _

We tipped the drinks to our lips and poured the harsh liquid down our throats, slamming the glasses to the table in unison.

Bella's eyes burned bright with passion as her gaze locked onto mine.

_Fuck yes._

_***Chapter Nine Notes*  
**_

_**The stunning Ava Gardner was a brilliant actress, most noted for her role in Robert Siodmak's "The Killers". She was married to Mickey Rooney, Artie Shaw, and lastly, Frank Sinatra. All three marriages were short-lived, lasting only a year, her longest being to Frank Sinatra, which lasted for 6 years. Snowdrop and Angel were nicknames that Ms. Gardner went by frequently.**_

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! **_

_***SMOOCHES & STARS***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	10. Chapter 10, Part 1

_**A/N: First & foremost, characters belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer, but the Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_***Notes: **_

_**Quote from Harry Cohn courtesy of Wikipedia and the Chateau Marmont website**_

"_**Fan-fucking-tastic!" courtesy of our own Mary…my rockin' glam-gal**_

_**As always, thank you to my sister, my FUCKTASTIC editor. You make it look pretty, 'nuff said. **_

_**Note to the Readers…my glam-gals (and guys too if you're out there)…Chapter ten had to be split into two parts for a couple of reasons. The first being that Part One had to happen, it was just flowing from my fingers to the screen in such a fluid movement that it couldn't be stopped. Part one had a mind of its own. The second reason is because the Edith Head affair has numerous characters that are involved, therefore, research is of the essence to get the full effect. I hope you enjoy part one as much as I loved writing it.**_

**Chapter Ten (Part One) ~**

To our utter disappointment and dismay, Bella and I had to agree with Heidi. Life had to move forward as if our love didn't exist. In public, anyway.

In private was a separate matter.

I could shower my Bella in kisses, make love to her all day in the sun, watch her with adoration, and hold her in my arms until the night turned to dawn. Alone we could be who we were supposed to be.

In the limelight, we were Mr. Cullen & Ms. Swan. Photographer and model.

Heidi left shortly after our toast, leaving us explicit instructions for the evening. Bella was to go home, get dressed and head over to the Edith Head affair before me. No questions asked. That's how it was supposed to be every party, gala, and event we attended in the next two weeks until Jacob's return.

I didn't know if I could keep my mind off of her that long to even get dressed.

It was a cool crisp May afternoon. The breeze smelled perfect. A hint of fresh cut grass with the subtle touch of Bella's strawberry essence tainted with the dull scent of the Los Angeles exhaust problem. Perfect.

I stood in front of the large open living room windows and stared out at the moving traffic on the street below, getting lost in my thoughts of spending the long evening with Bella.

Heidi was far from gracious this morning, so in her guilt-ridden state of emotions, she made us reservations at Chateau Marmont for an exquisite evening alone. The hotel was phenomenal, giving their guests nothing but anonymity. Harry Cohn, the founder of Columbia Pictures, did say, "If you must get in trouble, do it at Chateau Marmont."

_With that sort of advice, who were we to deny it. _

Bella had called a cab an hour before to fetch some of her things from Jacob's house in Benedict Canyon. I chuckled.

_Jacob's house._

She no longer called it her home. She called it Jacob's.

It was hard to comprehend how one night could turn itself into a future lifetime of passion and love between two people fated to be together.

_You haven't met opposition. Don't get your hopes up yet, Cullen._

As if God was watching the sin unfold, the telephone let out a shrill ring, breaking me out of my haze. Without thinking, I answered after two rings.

"Cullen, here." The smile Bella put in my voice was evident.

"Awful chipper for a Saturday afternoon, aren't you Cullen? I didn't die, so you must have run over someone you didn't like."

_SHIT! _

Jacob's voice knocked the wind out of my sails almost immediately. Did that pecker have some sort of sixth sense? I looked at my clock. Three-thirty. That meant he was in New York.

_Play it cool, Cullen. _

"What do you need Black?"

_God was punishing me. _

"Have you seen Isabella?"

_Punishing me with a bolt of lightning._

"We're not set to meet until next week, Jacob. I haven't seen her since the Derby." I shook out a cigarette from its carton, lit it, and let the white stick of tobacco hang loosely between my lips as I picked up the heavy black telephone from its rest stop.

I went back to staring out the window.

Jacob sighed deeply into the phone, "Cullen, if you see her. Tell her I said…I'm sorry."

_You'll be sorry when you get back, jackass._

"What did you do Jacob?"

"I've really mucked things up. Look, if you see her or hear from her, tell her to call me in New York at the Hotel Philadelphia. I'll be here until tomorrow morning."

"And if I don't see her?"

"Tell her, I'll call as soon as I can."

"Jake, _who _did you do?" I asked, rephrasing the white elephant in the room. I was a sick bastard.

"I…I…Look, it's none of your goddamn business, Cullen. Christ! _Who_ did I do?" Jacob was yelling into the phone now at the realization of the question.

"Black, you're the same womanizer who can't keep his dick in his pants that I knew before you met Isabella. I wouldn't think you've changed too much since we had our last heart-to-heart. I mean really, have you changed since the Cocoanut Grove? You know the night you proposed to Isabella, than tried to hop in bed with Rosalie!" My voice was getting louder with each word I spat at him.

"What? That was all you, buddy boy. When you try jumping in the sack with your brother's highly fuckable starlet of a wife, don't you dare lay blame on me, Cullen." A nervous chuckle resounded through the phone line.

I couldn't believe it. The pecker believed the lie himself.

"Number one, Jacob, you are damn lucky you are in New York and I am three thousand miles away from you because if I could crawl through this phone and kick your pompous ass, I would. Number two, you ever talk about Rose that way again, I will hunt you down, rip off your head, and shove it up your tight little ass so you could smell what you had for breakfast."

"Are you going to do it, or is little brother, Emmett "Brother Bear" Cullen going to do the dirty work for you?"

I was seething. Through clenched teeth, I hissed, "I will rip you limb from limb if you try and damage me or any one of my family members and their reputations."

"Well, well, well, Cullen, I do believe I have had an epiphany."

"Don't hurt yourself using those big words, Black. You may end up having an aneurism."

Ignoring my insult, Jacob replied, "You know, I always thought you were pissed off that I won Bella over you. But that is truly not the case. It is about reputations. Because that's what this is all about isn't it? You covering up for me that night. To save your precious reputation. To save the Cullen family. Goddamn, Edward, this was never really about Bella, this was about your fucking family."

_No, it was about Bella. You were right the first time._

My blood pumped furiously through my veins. My hands began to shake uncontrollably. I clenched the butt of the cigarette so tightly tobacco began to flutter to the floor.

My voice dropped down to a shaky angry whisper, "Jacob, I will only say this once, so listen carefully. Isabella was never a trophy to be won or lost. You have treated her like a piece of meat, parading her around through Hollywood over the past six months like she was one of your prize-winning cattle at the beef auction. She was never yours to be had because she is not a piece of property. So, in fact, you didn't 'win' anything."

My knuckles were turning white as I gripped the black receiver of the telephone with all my might.

I continued with fearless abandon, "And that night at the Cocoanut Grove, well it was, in large part, that you could've ruined not only me, Rose, Emmett, and Jasper, but yourself. You were my brother, my best friend. I couldn't let them ruin your windfall of good fortune. Isabella included. So I don't ever want to hear how I am only out for my family or my fame or my goddamn money, you fucking ingrate. Because if it wasn't for me and my precious family, you would have gone back to the orange groves after the war and lived out your life as a drunk day worker living on pittance for the rest of your life instead of wearing three-piece suits and hob-knobbing with studio heads and dipping your wick into every starlet that will let you."

I could hear Jacob's breathing pick up through the telephone. I had ultimately dug the grave of my career right where I stood.

Jacob's voice was rough and angry as he spoke, "And let me tell you something, you annoying little ego-driven bastard. You have been jealous of my relationship with Bella since the beginning. Don't think I don't see how you look at her, or how your hand lingers a little too long on her skin when you touch her, or when you call her ten times a day before a shoot to make sure she's on her way. She will never love you like she loves me. She will never look at you the same way she looks at me, and she will never know you as the knight in shining armor you claim to think you are. She is mine, she is happy and we are _married_. And it will stay that way, Cullen."

Jacob continued, "In regards to your family, you're only concern has ever been their reputations. From your famous director brother-in-law to your fuckable actress of a sister-in-law and your notorious brother, who inadvertently killed someone in the ring. And that brings me to my next point in fact, don't be so goddamn high and mighty lecturing me on the terms and conditions of gratitude. You got your success off the backs of your precious family. You climbed the ladder right next to me, buddy boy. I just played a better hand than you did. Got to know bigger and better people than you and let's not forget, married the most sought-after model in the industry. I own half the town and you know that. So I would highly recommend you watch your p's and q's with me, Cullen. Because you know I can break you in half. Your career and your skinny little ass. The gloves are on, Cullen. Do you understand? In two weeks, when I get back into the States you will be sorry we had this conversation."

"Are you threatening me, Jacob?" I was ready to bust his chops right then. Crawl through the phone and beat his jaw to a bloody pulp.

"Perception is reality, friend."

A sinister smile crept along my jaw line as I felt two long cool arms wrap casually around my waist. Bella's hot breath beat gently against my ear as she whispered in a low, sultry voice, "Tell Jacob to fuck off and get off the phone." Her teeth nipped playfully at my earlobe.

Jacob was forgotten.

Bella licked at the rim of my earlobe, than continued in a dreamy whisper, "Tell him that in about ten minutes I am going to be fucking the love of my life and there will not be a damn thing he can do about it. See what he says to that?"

"Jacob, we'll see how this plays out, my friend." I replied as a haze of sex began to engulf me. My cock was hard immediately at the taunting way she played with my ear.

"If you don't hang up with him Edward," Bella moved from behind me to face me. She unbuckled my belt and began to play with the metal enclosure of my slacks. She continued in a whisper so hushed, I had to strain to hear her, "I will suck you dry with him on the phone. How are you going to explain that one? Groaning and moaning as I suck on your cock while you're on the phone with my husband."

_Goddamn she was going to sell us both out to Jacob._

Bella grabbed the damaged cigarette butt from my right hand and threw it out the open window. Opening my clenched fist, Bella placed my hand, palm side down onto her left breast. She placed her own finger over my lips and said, "Shh…don't want to give away what we're doing to Jacob do you?"

_She is a devil woman._

"I stopped being your friend when you became my worst enemy, Cullen." Jacob replied hotly.

"Isn't that normally how it works?" I declared as Bella's tongue began to trace my collarbone. My pectoral muscles twitched in response to her warm fingers as they began to trace the curvature of the large peaks and valleys. Goose bumps raised my nipples into hardened points. I continued under strained breaths, "If you're not friends, you're…"

"Enemies." Bella finished, her voice still low and raspy.

_And sexy as fucking hell._

"Enemies." I managed to squeak out in a harsh tone.

"Don't patronize me, Cullen."

"There you are…" I covered the mouthpiece to the telephone and let a large breath of air escape my lungs as Bella's hot lips placed small rings of fire down my throat, over my Adam's apple. I released the mouthpiece and finished, "using those big words again."

_Goddamn, the woman was the devil. And I would go to hell with her willingly, as long as she was there._

Bella's lips worked their way down my stomach. Her nimble fingers unhooked the clasps on my slacks. Jacob wanted to continue the conversation and I just couldn't. I couldn't comprehend one fucking word he was saying. My boxers were around my ankles now. Bella was kneeling in front of me and here I was. Naked. Again.

I watched Bella's face as she pulled her bottom lip under her teeth and half-grinned at me. Her voice regained its normal strength, "Now Edward, you're still not off the telephone…"

"Cullen? Are you still there? Who's that in the background?" Jacob's voice was strained.

I covered the mouthpiece quickly. "You little vixen!" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"I warned you Edward. Don't tempt me. I may do something like this…" With that sexy deviant snarl she owned, Bella's hot lips wrapped around my cock.

_Oh, fan-fucking-tastic!_

The telephone receiver hung limply in my hand next to my mouth as I let out a chuckle.

_Dumb ass, Cullen._

"We'll see who laughs last in this, Cullen." With Jacob's last words ringing in my eardrums, the line went dead.

"Yes, we'll see." I returned to dead air. I was too enthralled to care about anything except Bella's wet pouty little mouth wrapped around my member.

_We are going to get caught._

Bella drew away from me with one last hard suck, pulled up my boxers and my trousers, delicately wiping the corners of her mouth. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes looked up at me longingly through her thick lashes.

With puppy dog eyes and a small pout, I replied, "I wasn't done with you yet."

A hint of wickedness danced around her eyes as she stood up, continuing to exaggerate her actions as she went along smoothing her clothing down.

I set the phone down on the opposing end table.

_Mischievous little vixen wanted to play, did she?_

I grabbed Bella by the waist, throwing her over my shoulder, like a primordial caveman. Her sexy laugh rang sweetly through my ears as I hauled her like a sack of flour through the hallway to my bedroom. I tossed her body playfully onto the bed, laughing at her feeble attempts to be released. Her laugh alone was driving me crazy.

She was clad in a pair of red pedal pushers and a white sleeveless top that tied in a knot in the front. Bella kicked off her red heels, than propped herself up on her elbows. Her smile was fucking magnificent. I stood at the foot of the bed, my laugh trailing off into a devilish half-smirk. She wiggled her finger at me, tossing her luscious locks behind her. Her large curls fell down the curve of her back like a river of soft chocolate silk.

"You know, you're going to get us in trouble." I replied unbuttoning her pants.

Bella raised an eyebrow at me, "I didn't think it would be any more trouble then you were getting yourself into, Edward. I mean, honestly, fighting with Jacob when he hasn't even left the country yet. Do you want him to come back?"

My hands grazed the sides of her hips as I peeled the light cotton pants from her thighs revealing nothing but bare skin and black underwear. "Do you think he's going to fly back tonight?" I asked allowing my fingers to drink in the hot flesh of her thighs.

Bella tossed her head back in pleasure and sighed, "Mmmm…Jacob would never leave business for me."

"Why would you say that? There couldn't be a place in the world that held enough importance for me to stay away from you." I untied the knot in her blouse and began to pop the buttons one by one from the restraints of the button holes with my right hand while leaning all my weight on my left hand, hovering over her.

"He has everything he wants while he's away. Money, business. He doesn't need me." The cotton of her shirt drifted open. I slid my hand to her breasts. Bella groaned as I pushed the flimsy lace away from her milky white skin, taking one of her fleshy mounds into my mouth.

Bella laid her head into the feather soft mattress allowing me to nip, suckle and tease her mercilessly. Her hands tangled into my hair as I continued to kiss every inch of skin on her breasts. She moaned and sighed with each touch of my feather-light kisses.

_There's no other place I would rather be than in your arms, my Bella._

My hands explored every curve and slope of her upper body, until she could take it no more. "Fuck Edward, you're driving me insane!"

I held my finger to her lips, "Shh! What would you like me to do to you, Isabella?" I cooed delicately into her left ear.

I looked at her through half closed lids. She was like a drug to me. With every lick, every taste, I needed to have more. I needed to taste her skin and feel her flesh. I needed to swim inside of her. I needed the release as much as she did, but she would have to beg me for it. This time I wouldn't give in to her ways of seduction like I had earlier.

Her hands locked around my neck. She tried like hell to pull me towards her. I chuckled lightly, "Isn't it a horrible feeling when your body betrays you, Isabella?"

"I love it when you call me Isabella." She sighed as her arms relaxed from my neck, resting above her head in defeat.

"Tell me what you want, love. Tell me how you want me to please you." I leaned in and kissed her soft lips. My tongue gently probed the inside of her mouth. As I pulled away, Bella sucked on my tongue, letting it slip out with resistance.

"Goddamn, love, you are so good." I whispered.

"You're better." She simply replied.

"What do you want me to do to you?" I asked again, a slight smile tugging at the corner of my mouth.

"I want you to kiss me. All over. Everywhere. I want your lips on places I wouldn't even allow Jacob to go because those places belong to you. It's all yours, baby."

Nothing pleased me more then to do what she was asking. I leaned into her lips and kissed them lightly. My tongue grazed her bottom lip. My voice was low and raspy, "Your lips were meant for mine." I replied.

"Yes…." She breathed.

"Your neck?" My hand breezed tenderly over the contours of her smooth neck, my lips caressing down the beautiful slope into the small hollow of her throat. I planted a light kiss lovingly into the soft spot.

"Was meant for your lips." Bella replied, her hands beginning to roam down my bare back.

"Your magnificent breasts?" I questioned as I popped an aroused pink nipple into my mouth.

"All yours. To do with as you fucking please." Her voice was dripping with frustration. Bella arched her back, her hands finding their way back into my hair.

_Payback's a cruel and heartless bitch, isn't it, love?_

My lips moved down to her quivering abdomen, swirling my tongue around her belly button. "Oh, fuck, Edward, can you go any slower?" Bella's voice raised an octave as my tongue began outlining a small heart into her stomach like it was a blank canvas. She began to giggle in that smooth sexy voice that made me grow harder, "Are you drawing hearts, Edward?"

I looked up into her curious brown eyes, "For all the love I have for you, my sweet Bella."

My fingers dug into her soft skin as I peeled the black panties from her skin. The small tuft of dark hair that was there this morning was gone. She had taken it all off.

_Holy hell._

I was already having a fuck of a time controlling myself. The woman could tease me to death without lifting a finger.

I looked into her eyes, plunging two fingers into her luscious pool of wetness. Her breath slightly hitched as her hips rocked in response. That's when she locked her gaze on mine and replied, "That has _always_ belonged to you, Edward."

I gently positioned her knees up so they looked like beautiful mountains of alabaster flesh on each side of my head. My tongue traced the outside of her opening shamelessly. Her back arched in response.

My tongue traced the curves of her pussy, until there was no more skin left to explore. Bella was gasping for air. I began nipping, ever-so-gently at her engorged clit. With each little nip she received a little lick in return that drove her to the edge of insanity. Her legs started to wrap around my head as if she were trying to pull my tongue deeper into her.

I stopped licking and looked into her face, "What would you like me to do Isabella?" I teased, tracing smaller hearts near her pubic bone. My hot, labored breaths were dancing on her clit without remorse.

_Say it. Tell me to tongue fuck you._

"Edward…" she sighed. Her voice sounded almost pained.

"Yes, Bella, love?" Another light lick. She was so wet, so hot. I wanted to plunge into her and bring her to her knees. Hard and fast. But this was all about Bella. Me loving her and treating her like the goddess she was.

Her voice went higher, her hips thrust into my face. I backed away slowly, "Say it Isabella or I walk away right now…"

_And take a cold shower for two days while sitting on a block of ice._

"Edward…" her voice squeaked.

"Getting up…" I started to prop myself up on my elbows, but not before giving her another tormenting lick.

"You want me to drink in every drop as I plunge my tongue-"

Bella locked her thighs around my neck, "Tongue fuck me, dammit!"

"As you wish my love, my Bella." She contracted almost immediately around my tongue as I plunged into her ravine of sensuality, making me almost cum from the friction of the satin sheets rubbing at my length. I felt her hands push my head further into her wet pussy as she began her release. I greedily took every succulent drop she fed me as she pushed her hips furiously into my face.

As her hips slowed into a dance of sexual taunting, she grabbed the sides of my face and brought me out of my bubble of sweet escape as I crawled to her beautiful face.

My eyes were glazed over in a surreal sexual induced haze. Bella's bubble gum flavored breath teased at the corners of my mouth as she began to gently pull at my bottom lip with her teeth. The biting turned to sucking. She pushed me over the edge. My lips crashed into hers. It was like two waves hitting the beach simultaneously. The sweet taste within the confines of her mouth pushed me over a cliff, head first.

I was throbbing. The pain in my balls was excruciating. I had to be in her. She was like a box of Cracker Jack and all I wanted was the prize.

I was spiraling as the tormented beast began to savagely take her.

"All for you. Don't you ever forget that, Edward." She breathed as I slid into her.

Glistening beads of sweat began to form between her breasts. I couldn't help myself, those crystal-like drops beckoned to me. I pressed my tongue between her breasts and lapped up the salty sweet moisture. As her hips moved faster, I plunged harder. It was like something had been released from the confines of my soul.

Bella's lips met my neck as my hands cupped her sweet ass as she rocked underneath me. She sucked and bit at the thin skin covering my jugular. The more she did it, the more my hips ground into hers with a pulsating need to satiate the sexual fiend that had taken up residence in the darkest pit of my being.

I wanted to erase Jacob with every thrust. I wanted her to remember only me. To want only me. To need only me. Every day for the rest of her life.

"Tell me," Bella gasped as she let her lips slide over my neck.

"I love you. I love you more then anything in the world Isabella. You're my….i_oh, fuck/i_…my everything." My whole body shuddered in response to my release. Bella's legs tightened around my waist as if she wanted to hold onto that very moment. And I wanted her to. I wanted this moment to be permanently etched in her memory. Forever.

As our breathing pattern began to return to normal, I raised my head to meet hers. I gently pushed my sweaty forehead to hers. Her fingers began to trace my jaw line.

"I love you." I repeated. I felt like I couldn't tell her 'I love you' enough.

"As I love you, Edward." I loved the way my name rolled off of her tongue.

I looked up at the Big Ben clock on my dresser, "It's getting late." I replied internally cursing at Father Time.

Bella's fingers began to caress the nape of my neck. Her legs tightened again around my waist.

"Mr. Cullen, we have two hours and fifty-five minutes to get showered, dressed, and drunk. I can do all those things in less then an hour."

I was growing hard even as I stayed within her warmth.

"Ms. Swan, do you have plans for the other two hours?"

"How about you be my teacher, telling me all about how a naughty girl like me is supposed to keep my hands off of you in public, and I will be the wicked little student that won't listen to a damn word you say?"

A mischievous tug pulled the curves of her mouth into a smile as she pulled me back into my sweet escape.

_**Thanks for reading another installment of The Pin-Up Girl…**_

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! **_

_***SMOOCHES & STARS***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	11. Chapter 10, Part 2

_**A/N: First & foremost, characters belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer, but the Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_****Please read "Notes" Portion at the end of this chapter…I know it's long, but just do it (please) ;)**_

**Chapter Ten (Part Two) ~**

Two hours and thirty-five minutes later, I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror taking in the trail of collateral damage Bella had left down my neck. I fingered the angry red circle with a mixed dose of adoration and pride. How was I supposed to explain a bite mark on my jugular?

_We are going to get caught._

I turned on my electric razor and began the monotonous process of grooming my face. The buzzing of the razor invaded my thoughts of Bella's hands roaming my body just minutes before.

"_You are my candyman, aren't you Edward?" _

The ghost of Bella's sexy voice still rang in my ears even after she had left the room.

Bella was getting ready in my guest bathroom down the hall. She was having Felix drive her back to Jacob's Benedict Canyon home and from Jacob's she would call a cab to drive her to Edith's, which was two streets over. Bella would arrive at Edith's hacienda at nine-thirty, whereas I would drive myself in the convertible arriving at ten.

I placed my gold wristwatch over my left wrist, barely glancing at the time. Eight thirty.

I slipped my white dress shirt on over my wife-beater, and made a quick assessment in the mirrored medicine cabinet, running a hand through my hair.

_To slick back or not to slick back?_

Fuck it, I didn't have the time. I ran both hands though my bronze locks once more, then grabbed my cufflinks off the counter and quickly began to fuss with them. When I looked up to open up the cabinet for my aftershave, I glimpsed movement in the mirrow. There she was, looking exquisite as ever. An angel.

_Like an angel dressed by the demon's seamstress._

Bella's curved figure was draped in tight black satin. Her alabaster shoulders exposed. Her gorgeous gams painted in black stockings, melting graciously into the black fabric.

_Only the Devil's hands could make such a fantastic dress._

Bella leaned casually against the door jam, her arms crossed, and a smirk playing her fire-engine red lips.

"What do you think, Mr. Cullen?"

_Fuck me she's going to make this as difficult as she can. Wicked girl._

"I think you are a naughty girl." "I replied turning to face her sexy figure, than I continued as I wrapped my arms around her waist, "Have you ever killed anyone before?"

Bella began to button up my white dress shirt. Such a simple act of shirt-buttoning shouldn't have affected me, but it was beginning to cloud my judgment. Her nimble fingers grazed over my chest with the third button.

"No, I have never attempted murder, Mr. Cullen. Why?" She smiled at me through her long black-painted lashes.

"You can tease a man to death without lifting a finger." I pulled her chin up so her lips were a breath away from mine.

"Can you imagine what I could do with my fingers?" she replied.

_I would walk through fire just for one simple act._

"I think I can imagine a lot, Ms. Swan." Could she hear my heart banging in my chest? Did she know what she did to me? How crazy she made me?

_Just one kiss._

"I think that you need to learn self-control, Mr. Cullen. Because what if I accidentally bump into you tonight and do this…" she delicately bumped her hand against the crotch of my pants.

_Christ…_

It was inevitable. Her touch, no matter how small, would make my body betray me. I was hard in the matter of a hummingbird's heartbeat. Without taking her face away from mine, she began to stroke the front of my pants with a light caress; her breath was intoxicating.

_Damn, I love that smell. Alcohol, post-coital cigarettes, and strawberries. _

"I think I may have to make sure we aren't this close." I murmured running my hand down her bare arm. The satin whispered against my hand as I weaved my right arm around the sweetheart bodice. My eyes took full advantage of the dip of cleavage that peeked out at me, pulling her body closer to mine, but still forbidding myself to close the small gap between our mouths.

_We'll never get out of this house. Out of this fucking bathroom._

"You know, we will never leave this house if this keeps up, Mr. Cullen." Bella tilted her chin, a slow grin spreading across her heart-shaped mouth. Her hot breath blew gently across my lips. She could rile a man out of a coma if she wanted to, with her titillating ways of taunting.

_And I was no exception._

In an unusually cruel act of teasing, Bella continued to dangle her lips from me like a piece of steak in front of a starving dog.

"If I stay up, I'll never be able to leave this bathroom." I said in a tortured whisper.

"It's only eight-thirty, Mr. Cullen. I think we can take care of your plumbing problem within twenty minutes and we don't even have to get undressed, considering I'm not wearing any underwear."

_Holy hell._

"To drive anywhere in Los Angeles only takes twenty minutes." I justified quietly turning her towards the bathroom countertop.

Her hair was partially pulled away from her face, pinned neatly at the crown of her head with cascading brown curls hanging loosely down her back. She was stunning, as usual.

_My beautiful Isabella._

My fingers caressed the bare skin of her shoulders. Bella tilted her head to the right and sighed deeply as my fingers drank in the warmth of her skin. Her skin exuded white heat under my searching fingertips. She shivered in response.

"To be fashionably late has always been the rule in this town." Bella replied in a hushed murmur, her eyes drifting shut for just a moment.

I watched us in the mirror. She fit me like a glove. How could our love be so undeniably sinful and feel so right, all at the same time?

_Look at me Bella. Look at what a beautiful sight we are._

As if she heard my thoughts, Bella's eyes slowly opened, catching my gaze in the mirrored glass. Her brown eyes burned a little darker tonight. Painted in vixen.

"Tell me." She replied as my lips planted small, delicate kisses along her shoulder.

In the past twenty-four hours, I had grown to treasure the fact that she made me tell her how much I loved her every time I was going to take her. I wasn't sure if I loved it because of my own insecurities, or if I loved it because every single time I said the words she wanted to hear, it meant Jacob was being pushed further away from any dark corners of her mind.

Under the harsh bathroom lighting, Bella's smoldering dark eyes burned into me. We were like two magnets drawn to each other. Clinging to each other.

She took one of my hands in each of hers and placed them on the side of her hips. I inhaled the scent of her skin as she guided my hands up her hips, pulling the dress up with them. I felt my fingers graze the lace of her black stockings as they crept higher revealing the garter clips. Her bare ass stuck out nicely clad with garters and no panties.

My delicate kisses were replaced with passionate, wet trails of desire as my lips kneaded the soft flesh of her neck.

"I love you." I replied in between gasps.

"As I love you, Edward." I peaked through my lashes into the mirror and saw the glimmer of a smile touch her lips as she spoke the words.

Her hands drifted from mine as she allowed me to stroke the bare skin of her ass with my fingertips. Her eyelids fluttered shut as her hands moved up to my neck, then tangled into my hair. She rocked her bottom with inviting strokes into my crotch. I fumbled with the zipper of my trousers, releasing my erection, as they fluttered into a black puddle at my feet.

_We will never get out of here. _

And who in their right mind would want to?

Bella leaned over the sink area as I slipped into her. I looked at her face in the mirror. I loved the way her hair fell into her face as she was bent over the countertop. With her eyes still shut, I whispered into her ear, "Look at how beautiful you are Isabella."

Bella's eyes fluttered open. I began to make small ministrations around her clit as she rocked back and forth with me. Her back began to arch, her eyes glazing over. "Look at yourself Isabella. Look at us. Look at how beautiful we are together."

The more I whispered the faster her hips would move. I began to feel her tight contractions pulsate around my cock, sending me into spiral of ecstasy.

I watched Bella's eyes roll back underneath her eyelids as we climaxed.

She was a rainstorm of emotion as she released. Her face tightened, relaxed, than recovered within a matter of sixty seconds.

Just like this morning, everything I felt she exuded in her facial expressions: Desire, lust, pain, fear, torment, joy, and love.

Damn, what I would've given to take a jump inside her head for just ten seconds.

It was beautiful.

She was beautiful.

We were beautiful.

Together.

I leaned my forehead into her back feeling the rhythm of her body rise and fall in gentle waves. Bella's head hung over the basin of the countertop, her hair flowing over her shoulders like a shroud.

"Are you alright Bella?" I asked after a few moments.

She looked up at me through the mirror, her face radiant, "Of course. I'm always alright after we make love."

I pulled away gently releasing her from me.

_Surviving this evening will be like surviving Chinese water torture…excruciating. _

Bella was picked up at nine o' clock by my driver, Felix.

By nine thirty he was back on my doorstep, "Are you ready, Mr. Cullen?"

_No, I would prefer to stay in tonight with my Bella. Enjoying each other's company and each other's bodies. Is it asking too much to have one night off?_

"Yes, Felix. I will be right out."

_Of course it would be asking too much. It would be like asking if the Pope wore a funny hat._

I checked my pockets.

_Cigarettes, money, keys, suitcase in the trunk. Ready to go._

For once, I wasn't half-gassed before I walked out the front door. I needed the sobriety if I was going to last three hours in public with Bella.

Felix held the door open to the white convertible. The engine gently purred in the driveway as Felix held the driver-side door open for me, "Sir, will you be requiring my services for the remainder of the evening?"

"No, no Felix. I am heading over to Edith Head's Benedict Canyon estate. If you need anything, Heidi knows where to find me."

Felix gave me a curt nod and shut the door as soon as I was safely inside. I rolled down the window, lit a cigarette, and turned to back to Felix, "Felix, please, whatever you do, whoever asks, Bella Swan was never here."

A look of confusion muddled his expressionless face. He recovered quickly, then replied in the same emotionless tone he always had, "Sir, I have worked for you for over five years. And in that five years I have seen nothing, nor have I heard anything. As in those five years, I will continue to see nothing and hear less than nothing. Therefore, I have nothing to tell." Felix allowed a small smile to escape his normally dark demeanor.

"Thank you." I replied an internal sigh of relief escaping my lungs.

"My pleasure, Mr. Cullen. Have a wonderful evening, sir." With that I pulled the idling car down the drive and onto the streets of Los Angeles.

I arrived at the Spanish-style hacienda of Edith Head and Bill Inhnen promptly at ten o' clock. I had been here a couple of times over the past few years, and yet I was always amazed at the picturesque environment in which they lived. It was like a movie set of sorts. So Edith. Simple and personable, yet intimate.

The wrap-around driveway was paved in Spanish tile, like the yellow-brick road in the Wizard of Oz, dropping you off under an awning made of creeping vines of jasmine and ivy. The front wall enclosing the open-air patio was meant more for privacy than anything else. Ivy vines and jasmine crept up the façade creating the illusion of a quaint cottage style home, tucked away from the prying eyes of the press.

Valets dressed in red suits lined the drive as I approached. I recognized James from the Derby almost immediately as he pulled my driver's side door open.

"Mr. Cullen! So nice to see you again." James exclaimed as I tossed my keys to him.

"James, working nights too?" I replied making small talk with the kid. He seemed to be everywhere as of late.

"Starving actor. Making rent." James replied a little too somberly.

"No one should work that hard in this town. We'll talk, James. Maybe Jasper can use you as a production assistant or an extra or whatever."

James' face lit up at the sudden strike of good fortune.

I pushed a five-dollar bill into his hand. He looked at it and attempted to push the money back into my palm. I chuckled lightly, "James, it's my pleasure."

"Mr. Cullen, what you just said to me is a big enough tip."

I shoved the money back into his palm, "James, has Ms. Swan arrived?"

James looked at the money and grinned, "Uh…no Ms. Swan has not arrived just yet." He looked up with a knowing eyebrow as I pushed another five-dollar bill into his palm, than he continued, "But as soon as she arrives I will tell her you were looking for her."

"Thank you James." I replied with a smile.

"No, thank you, Mr. Cullen." James hopped into my idling car and drove off with a permanent grin scarring his already rough-looking exterior.

I walked through the fragrant doorway into Edith and Bill's private sanctuary and was immediately assaulted with hospitality.

"Edward! Dah-ling!" Edith air-kissed my cheeks with an air of sophistication and jubilance only she could possess.

Before I could greet her, Edith continued, slinking her arm through mine as I walked next to her short five-foot-one stature , "Dah-ling, grab a drink at the bar, make your rounds and commit to an area so I can properly introduce you to a gorgeous blonde that I think you'll absolutely a-dore! You do like blondes, don't you? Oh, of course you do, dah-ling, what man in Hollywood doesn't, right?" Edith's outlandish laugh echoed off of the thin walls of the hacienda as she took a small sip of what I assumed was a Gibson. After a brief moment, her voice hushed into a whisper as if she was sharing a juicy piece of gossip, Edith continued, "Her name is Grace and she is Mr. Hitchcock's newest muse, dah-ling. I think you'll love her…"

_Where in the hell is Bella? She should've been here by now._

As she prattled on about Hollywood's loveliest future leading lady, I noticed Edith was not in her normal studio attire of beige and white, which surprised me, but rather a bold number that was well suited to her casual demeanor. Edith donned a pair of bright, color-saturated cocktail pants that were speckled in diamond-shaped hues of turquoise and violet against a black shiny backdrop. She wore a high-collared plain white dress shirt, with the collar standing on end to accentuate her flat black bangs and her dark round-rimmed glasses she was so notorious for. Edith's hair was pulled into a tight, no-nonsense chignon.

_No other woman could pull off that circus outfit, except for Edith Head. _

I almost chuckled out loud as she walked me from the spacious patio into the inner sanctum of Hollywood society. My eyes scanned the room of familiar faces from the Paramount lot. Everyone there held a certain status of elite royalty in American society. 

I scanned the room with deliberate intent, checking if Bella snuck in without being noticed.

_Highly unlikely, Cullen. When Bella walks in the room, people stop and stare at her undisputed beauty._

Instead I saw the kaleidoscope of Hollywood unfolding in its own brilliance: Cary Grant smoking a cigarette in the corner of the room with Audrey Hepburn toying absently with her drink, both captivated by Jerry Lewis' comedic talents.

Cecille B. DeMille in his old age of loyalty, caught in yet another ass-kissing by studio president Leonard Goldensen. Goldensen's hope was to keep the ripe-old golden boy, DeMille, within the studio's handbag to help them with their current slump. The dip in revenue for the studio was the wake of the Supreme Court ruling made in '48. It couldn't have been as bad as it seemed considering the studio was still generating revenue and blockbuster hits. Goldensen's hob-knobbing obviously proved lucrative.

Montgomery Clift was unsuccessfully trying to engage the always bored Alfred Hitchcock and the obscure beautiful blonde Edith referred to as Grace Kelly, with playful banter. Neither the blonde, nor Hitchcock was buying it.

As Edith and I made our way through other small groups of technical studio heads, I still kept my eyes open for Bella's entrance.

I had worked with Edith on quite a few photo shoots for various movies and productions in the past. She was a very assertive, all-business type of individual that could quiet an entire room of production staff in the matter of mere footfalls. She was one of the few technical department heads that were recognized by the public. Off the lot, Edith was a personable woman. On the set, she could be nothing short of a bitch.

"Edith I would love to meet her later, love." I gushed shamelessly as I lit a cigarette, not missing a beat of conversation. It would be unrefined of me to even think about saying no to Edith in her own home. By the time I made my rounds, grabbed my drink from the bar, and committed to any area, Bella will have made her arrival.

_Hopefully._

Then I would be too occupied introducing her to pertinent people to even bother with Grace Kelly.

As I turned my attention back to Edith, I noticed she had stopped talking. She almost looked entertained as she sipped at her drink, "Edward, where is your muse, Isabella? She's supposed to be here tonight, isn't she? And what about your brother-in-law, Jasper? I still haven't forgiven that bastard for not choosing me for his newest endeavor."

I cocked an eyebrow skyward, chiding her with a playful smile, "Isabella will be here shortly. Jasper, as you know, is out of the country for another week. My brother-in-law would be so sad if he knew you were angry with him And honestly, I think working with Ms. Hepburn on that iRoman Holiday/i project was the wisest choice Paramount could've made with you. And now you have won that Oscar for iA Place In the Sun/i. All of this was possible because of the good studio heads at Paramount."

As I tallied up her newest achievements, she smiled. I knew as soon as I inflated her ego a bit, I would be free to go about my business.

It was the way these parties were. As lovely of a hostess Edith was, it was all about egos and who-knew-who at these things. That's why when you were invited to be amongst the kings and queens of Tinseltown, you never questioned, you just went and enjoyed, while making lucrative contacts within the industry.

I didn't mind the glitz and glamour and the incessant parties, but at times, they could be cumbersome. It was, however, what kept me in my career.

_And what would catapult Isabella into stardom. _

Suddenly, Edith waved her hand with a dismissive air and turned her nose to the sky with a smile hinting at her bright red lips, "Dah-ling I could never be angry with Jasper. Now tell me, what have i_you_/i been working on? I heard Jay Jenks has his clutches around your balls right now. He is drooling over the thought of having you on-staff at Life magazine."

I nearly choked on the menthol-flavored cigarette smoke, "I have not given him an answer yet, Edith. Besides how do you know about that?"

"Tsk-tsk, Edward. News travels at lightning speed here. You know that. And oh, thank gawd, dah-ling. I thought he had you in his talons already. Hollywood wouldn't be the same without iyou/i in it to capture its beauty, Edward."

I put out my smoke in a nearby ashtray.

"You really are too kind, Edith." I placed both of her hands between mine and pecked her on both cheeks, "Now, I am off to the bar for some sort of alcoholic concoction. Don't stray too far, my lovely."

"Yes, yes. Go. I will find you shortly." Edith shooed me away with her hands like a pesky little puppy.

"I would not have it any other way, Edith." My fake smile was starting to hurt my cheeks. I turned and headed towards the bar, the smile turning into a small frown.

"Scotch and water, no ice." I shoved another stick of tobacco into my mouth and set it aflame. I pressed my stomach into the cushion of the bar, leaning into it. I shut my eyes and let the euphoria of the tobacco filter through my lungs. Her voice wouldn't leave me.

"_Tell me, baby." _

"_I love you."_

"_As I love you, Edward."_

My body felt deflated. Like I was missing a piece of me every minute I was away from her. I needed her next to me. I needed her presence. Her spirit. Her love.

"Did you miss me, Mr. Cullen?" The sexy voice replied in my ear.

I knew that voice. I knew it only too well.

I slowly opened my eyes as I let her scent overpower my senses. Strawberry fields in May. Someone needed to write a song about that….strawberry fields forever.

I chuckled as I turned to meet her gaze.

"Isabella." I sighed, a maddening sense of bliss encompassing my being.

I breathed a sigh of relief as if she were the puzzle piece that completed me.

_**PLEASE READ **_

_***Chapter 10, Part 2 Notes* **_

_**~All actors, actresses, studio heads, and directors mentioned in this chapter were under contract with Paramount in 1952. Every one of them mentioned I hold in high regard and mean no malice by how they may come across. Their represented demeanors were from actual reports that may or may not have been entirely true, but this is where creative license comes in. ;) Props to all of them, they were "Hollywood".**_

_**~In 1948, the US Supreme Court took Paramount Studios to court. In this case, Paramount owned a large chain of movie houses in which they released their own films. In the 1948 court ruling, production companies could no longer own and operate their own movie theatre chains. The decision brought an end to the classic Hollywood studio system. With this separation of production and exhibition by the US Supreme Court, Paramount was split into two companies, Paramount Pictures Corporation and United Paramount Theatres on December 31, 1949. Paramount went into a slow decline, cutting back studio-production, releasing contract players, and making production deals with independents. The only one who remained was Cecille B. DeMille who had been associated with Paramount since 1913. DeMille ended up being the studio's saving grace when in 1956 he remade his film, The Ten Commandments. DeMille passed away in 1959. (Information for summary courtesy of Wikipedia)**_

_**~The "Have you ever killed anyone?" & "You can tease a man to death without lifting a finger." lines that Edward says to Bella, I cannot take credit for…it will be familiar to Hitchcock fans. It is actually from Mr. Hitchcock's 1959 film, North By Northwest when Cary Grant is on the train with Eva Marie Saint. It was too good of a line to pass up not to throw in there as a total throwback to my favorite director of all time, Mr. Hitchcock. Thank you, Ernest Lehman for writing a line so smart and so damn seductive. Now we know why you won an Oscar for this in 1960. **_

_**Thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you enjoyed it! **_

_**Leave me some luvin' kindness like noboady else can ;)**_


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N: First and foremost, characters belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. Secondly, The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_**I want to extend my thanks and gratitude to the girls who are pimping this little fanfic: Jo, Carolyn, and the other half of my brain, Crystal (clpsuperstar)…Love you girls!**_

_**And tons of thanks & love to my sis, my Beta, and my best-est friend…Kiki ;) **_

_**Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! I can't respond to every one but I do read them and I thank you so much for all your support of this little fanfic. ;)**_

_**Please read the 'Notes' section at the end of this chapter (it's short this time, I swear).**_

**Chapter Eleven ~**

_Hello, I love you._

"So, did you miss me Mr. Cullen?" she repeated herself as if I hadn't heard her, but I was so enthralled with her that I couldn't speak. The natural rose in her cheeks made her look radiant. It was hard to believe that she was real sometimes.

I shook myself out of my day-dreaming haze, "Isabella, love, I didn't hear you come in. I see Edith hasn't accosted you yet."

"I snuck in through the back entrance. Edith hasn't _seen_ me to accost me as of yet. I'm getting quite good at this sneaking around thing, you know?" Bella turned towards the barkeep, "Martini, stirred, olive please."

I sipped at my drink with an air of casualness. It was so pretentiously false. I felt like a charlatan. I felt like I actually belonged amongst my peers.

"I missed you."

_Goddamn you sound needy, Cullen._

Bella smiled, than whispered, "I missed you too."

I wanted to ask her why she was an hour late, but I was far from sounding like a jealous lover. I wasn't Jacob for Pete's sake.

The barkeep placed an icy glass before Bella. She grabbed the stem and sipped without making a sound, "I hate these things, but they are…necessary." A gorgeous smile played her face like a trained seal waiting for its fish. She took a long drag off of her cigarette and turned to me. The smoke filtering through her nostrils was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.

She continued, "I hate hob-knobbing, and dressing like this." She gestured towards her cocktail dress.

"What would you rather be doing?" A devilish smile played my lips as I took another small sip of my Scotch and water. The bartender set Bella's Martini in front of her. I placed a ten-dollar bill on the bar as tip for the barkeep.

Bella leaned in close to me, "I would rather be in the side yard."

"And what can be so interesting on Edith's side yard other then her roses?" I questioned.

"You fucking me against a brick wall, praying like hell we don't get caught." Bella giggled, fingering the top of her Martini glass.

_You naughty girl._

"Isabella!" Edith's voice flitted through the air like champagne bubbles.

"Ms. Head." Isabella raved with juicy enthusiasm, all the while giving an eye roll to the sky for my benefit.

Edith grabbed both of Bella's hands and air-kissed Bella's rosy cheeks, "Dah-ling, dah-ling, dah-ling…how many times do I have to insist you call me Edith." Edith turned to me, "Edward, you must make her call me Edith."

I took another sip of my drink and with a stern playful demeanor replied, "Isabella, love, call her Edith."

Edith crossed her arms, and bobbed the long, elegant black cigarette filter she possessed between her index and middle fingers. "Oh honestly, Edward, you are such a playful little thing when you want to be." Edith swatted at me gently, then turned back to Isabella, "Dah-ling, I want you to meet that pompous old windbag, Mr. Hitchcock. I want him to love you as much as Edward does." Edith's arm intertwined with Bella's.

"Oh, Edith, you really don't mean that, do you?" Bella gave me a quick wink, "Edward may get jealous."

"Then Edward, will have to get another source of inspiration." Edith returned smiling, clueless to the subtext in Bella's statement.

"There is no other muse that could replace her, Edith." I replied smooth as silk, not missing a beat.

Edith began walking Isabella towards the corner of the expansive living room. Isabella tossed her head back and laughed at something Edith had said. I didn't know what they were talking about anymore. I didn't care. All I could do was watch Isabella engulf Edith in the same charm and elegance and beauty that she constantly enraptured me with. Isabella was just an amazing woman.

She made me breathless, dizzy, sick, and delirious with happiness all at the same time. I could never harm a hair on her precious head. I could never leave her. I could never be without her.

I had never felt this way about another woman in my life.

And I never would.

_I love this woman. I really love this woman._

And I almost didn't care who knew anymore.

_Be smart, Cullen. _

How could a man fall in love so quickly? How did one person know they were destined to be with someone, even if that certain someone was married?

Bella stopped walking, turned and smiled at me. That precious smile.

_We're meant to be. _

"Come, come Edward. You mustn't dawdle behind. It just wouldn't be right to leave you standing by your handsome self at the bar, dah-ling. It would make me look like a bad hostess." Edith gave a pseudo-pout as she tapped her foot, waiting for me, as Bella stood unmoving.

Bella held out her right arm, as Edith clung onto her left. I hurried to my place next to Bella, placing my left hand in the small of her back, making soft manipulations through the thin fabric as I guided her through the crowds with Edith, now in tow, while placing her right hand in the palm of my right. It was a simple, gentleman's move, but wrought with sexual tension for both Bella and myself.

Every time we touched, electric sparks seemed to fly through the air like lightning bugs on a warm summer evening.

Edith cleared her throat as we approached Mr. Hitchcock. His attentions were being stroked with a delicate hand by the blonde bombshell Edith referred to as Grace Kelly. "Alfred, dah-ling?"

Mr. Hitchcock turned his sights towards Edith and her motley crew of sorts, "Yes Edith?"

"Alfred, I would like to introduce you to Hollywood's own Edward Cullen and his irrefutable muse, Ms. Isabella Swan."

Isabella held out her hand and almost half-curtsied, "Mr. Hitchcock, it is such a pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

_Breathtaking and exquisite as usual._

Mr. Hitchcock, looking almost surprised, half-bowed, gently taking Bella's surrendered gloved hand and brought it to his lips, "The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Swan." His thick English accent dripped into Bella's demure circle of radiance.

_What the hell? Fucking fat bastard is only supposed to like blondes!_

I stuck out my hand on impulse. "Edward Cullen, so nice to meet you Mr. Hitchcock."

A look of disgust plagued his bulldog features as he straightened out of his slightly bowed stance, acknowledging my existence. "Mr. Cullen."

_Goddamn, I'm an idiot. I fucking looked like jealous Jacob._

Edith's stare shifted from me to Mr. Hitchcock, "Alfred, give the boy a break. He's just overly excited to be in the presence of greatness, aren't you Edward dah-ling?"

_Good rebound Edith._

"Absolutely." I agreed with a pitched nod, "I'm a little nervous. I mean the last time I saw you I was taking publicity pictures of Ms. Bankhead for _Lifeboat_. Which, by the way, was exquisite Mr. Hitchcock. Your wide shots are always phenomenal."

Alright, maybe I coated the gushing on a little thick, but I had to recover from the little slip in jealousy. The man could have my balls for breakfast if he wanted to.

Mr. Hitchcock grabbed my extended hand.

Gently.

He had the grip of a young woman. It made me shudder a bit on the inside. He shook it once, than let go of my hand immediately, as if I had burned him.

"Yes, well, I suppose." Mr. Hitchcock went back to his bored, unenthusiastic demeanor.

_Thank God!_

"Mr. Cullen, my name is Grace Kelly." The blonde took my hand into hers and shook it with a gentle up and down motion. Ms. Kelly wore a stunning ombre silk chiffon halter evening gown. The different shades of lavender and violet accentuated her light skin, and blonde hair. Her face was a little too square. Her features a little too perfect.

_She's no Bella._

"Ms. Kelly, Edith has said great things regarding Hollywood's rising star." I replied dropping her hand. My hand regained its posture in the small of Bella's back.

"Grace, my name is Isabella Swan." Isabella shot me a look of irritation then brought her hand out to Ms. Kelly's.

_What was that look for? _

"Well, now that uncomfortable introductions have been made, let's have another drink, shall we, ladies and gentleman?" Edith replied motioning to a red-vested man.

He approached Edith with a little nod, "Ms. Head?"

"Demitri, I'd love a Gibson…Alfred?"

"Gin and tonic."

Edith looked at me, "Another Scotch and water, Edward?"

"Would love one. No ice, Demitri."

"A Manhattan, if you will, Demitri." Isabella replied as she threw back the remains of her Martini, setting it atop the silver tray Demitri possessed.

"And you Ms. Kelly?" Demitri paused at Ms. Kelly.

In a smooth voice, Ms. Kelly replied, "I'll have what Mr. Cullen is having, Demitri." Her eyes locked onto mine, than she continued, "Now, Mr. Cullen, I've heard that you are the only one allowed to take pictures of this beautiful dame. Does that mean you aren't allowed to take mine?" She nodded at Bella, than gave a flirtatious giggle.

"I do work with other studios, Ms. Kelly." I replied with a good-natured tone.

"I only want to work with the best, Ms. Kelly." Bella replied with a sharp tone.

_What…the….fucking….hell?_

My head snapped towards Bella's soft features. She pulled away from my hand.

"Well, darling, don't you think you should share the clever man with the rest of us?" Ms. Kelly replied with a somewhat brusque tone as Demitri returned with his silver platter full of drinks. Demitri slipped the tall glass of Scotch and water to Ms. Kelly.

"Thank you Demitri, you always make the best Scotch and water." Ms. Kelly replied taking a small lady-like sip from her drink.

I grabbed my drink from his tray. I was going to need it.

"It's a Scotch and water. He didn't have to do much to it." Bella replied under her breath as she swept up her Manhattan off the elegant tray.

"It's the Scotch." I swirled the liquid in my glass into swishing circles. Bella turned her scrutinizing eye back to me.

_What?_

"I only serve the best." Edith shoved a cigarette into the long, black fiberglass. She spoke like we should just know she wouldn't serve anything but the best to her guests.

"So, Mr. Cullen, I would like you to take my publicity shots for _Momambo_ with Clark Gable in the coming months." Ms. Kelly's voice moved into a devious little hush, "And maybe you could talk me into one of those wicked little cheese cake shoots."

I gave her my best half grin, "I'll give you my card and your agent can set something up with my assistant, Heidi."

"I don't share well with others, Ms. Kelly. It's not a part of my nature." Bella spat out.

_What the fuck are you doing, Bella?_

Ms. Kelly pushed her blonde locks away from her forehead with a gentle nudge, and then replied, "Maybe that's why you haven't gotten any further then the pages of Wink and Eyeful, pet."

_DOH!_

I nearly chocked on my drink. Alfred shifted his already uncomfortable stance, shuffling his feet.

Bella's eyes turned from brown and alluring to black and threatening within one breath.

Instead of throwing her drink into Ms. Kelly's smug smile, Bella smiled back with an alarming apocalyptic sneer, "Edward chooses to take my pictures on a regular basis, so he's very busy. By the way, I think Edith introduced me as _his muse_, earlier. Or did you miss that, Ms. Kelly? At any rate, at least I didn't get my last role because of the emotional meltdown of another actress. I have never been…what would you call it? An understudy? I don't get the leftovers. I get the first fruits."

Bella raised an eyebrow at Ms. Kelly while sipping at her pink concoction with self-assuredness.

_Damn woman, fuck me now, you little belligerent vixen._

"Well, DAH-lings!" Edith gave a nervous chuckle and motioned towards the black baby grand piano that sat next to our small group, "Edward, you still tickle the ivories every now and again, don't you?"

Before I could object, Edith grabbed my arm, ripping me away from Bella's side, sitting me on the hard bench. With a threatening tone, Edith whispered through clenched teeth and a smile, "Play something nice. Something soft. Something to calm these she-cats or I'll rip your balls off dah-ling."

I was stunned.

_What just happened? What was Bella thinking? _

I sighed, than played the first thing that came to mind.

Debussy's, _Clair de Lune_. My favorite.

The smooth ivory keys slipped underneath my long fingers with ease as I got lost in the song's brilliance.

All I could think about was Bella.

_The soft allure of her brown smoldering eyes. Her chestnut hair falling into her face in the bathroom mirror as she told me she loved me. The heat of her supple skin underneath my searching fingertips every time I touched her. Her hot voice dripping in love and seduction._

I barely noticed that someone was sitting to the right of me as the gentle notes flowed from my fingertips.

_Oh, my sweet Bella. _

Lost in the music, lost in the thought of my passionate Bella, I snuggled a little closer. I wanted her arms wrapped around me like a safe cocoon. I couldn't wait to get her to Chateau Marmont and just hold her. In my arms. Intertwining our bodies, making us one again.

_I love you, my darling._

"Mr. Cullen, Clair de Lune is my favorite."

But it wasn't my Bella sitting next to me, whispering in my ear.

_What the—_

It was Ms. Kelly's voice…

_Shit._

As the piece hit its pique crescendo, I tailored the music off into its soft ending. I looked up from the keys; I noticed Ms. Kelly's face next to mine.

"You play beautifully, Mr. Cullen." Ms. Kelly cooed. Applause broke out around the room in a soft swell.

Ms. Kelly began to gently prod my elbow, encouraging me to stand, "Take a bow, Mr. Cullen. That was brilliant."

I stood and did a mock bow, smiling widely.

_Bella? Bella, where are you?_

I felt like a lost child searching for its mother. Fear crept over me like a tidal wave in the midst of a tsunami.

_Bella?_

My eyes searched the sea of faces: Cary Grant's smile, Audrey Hepburn's coy stare, Jerry Lewis' over enthusiastic clapping, Grace Kelly's blue eyes, Montgomery Clift's mischievous grin, Mr. Demille's grandfatherly gaze…I wanted to find her face. I needed to find her face.

Her eyes. I searched amongst the faces. Laughing, joking, applauding, slapping me on the back as I passed. It was like a dream turning into a true nightmare.

_Where did she go?_

I had to find her.

I took my bows like a gentleman, kissed Edith, quickly thanking her for her generous hospitality.

"Oh, Edward, don't go." Edith pleaded as I looked back at Ms. Kelly.

"Where did Isabella go?" I asked Edith in a hurried hush.

"Edward, let her go. She's married." Edith replied in the same urgent whisper. The applause was starting to fade away. Edith continued, "Edward, dahling, please listen to me. Grace is single and she adores you-"

"Edith, love, I don't want Ms. Kelly." I looked over towards the blonde bombshell and smiled cordially.

Ms. Kelly waved with her fingertips, "Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Cullen. We'll work together very soon, I promise you that."

_Not in this lifetime sweetheart._

Thunder rolled over the house in giant echoes as I sprinted to the patio.

"Edward, my dahling, I love you, but for once, don't think like most men."

"Dully noted, Edith. Thank you." She grabbed my face in both hands and kissed my cheeks like a mother to her son. "We'll talk next week. Phone me and we'll have lunch at Chasen's."

"Of course, my dear Edith. Thank Bill for me." I rushed through the small throng of people to the front entrance.

Rain began to pelt the Spanish tile as I crashed through the gate. James stood with several other valets against the wall, underneath a short awning, watching the rain begin to pound against the driveway.

"James, have you seen Ms. Swan?" I shouted over another roll of thunder.

"Ms. Swan gave me ten dollars to tell you she was on the side of the house."

_The side of the house? In the rain?_

I ran around the large hacienda to find Bella sitting on a small stone bench next to Edith's roses. The rain was starting to permeate through my dinner jacket into my white dress shirt. My hair plastered itself down the sides of my face.

"Bella?" I called to her. "Bella, love, what are you doing?" I chuckled a little.

_What was she doing sitting in the rain?_

"Edward…" she sniffed. She looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen on a human being. I wanted to wipe that look off of her face.

_He's back. That's why she was late. _

I kneeled in a small mud pit that had accumulated around her feet. Splatters of muck began to coat her beautiful shoes. I could feel the thick mire soak through the knees of my pants, but I didn't care.

My eyes began to get used to the darkness. As I looked deeper into her face, I noticed her make-up caked down her cheeks, her heart-shaped face looked as though she had been crying.

"Love, what's wrong?" My voice crept an octave above normal. She was scaring me.

"I can't…I can't…"

My heart sank into the mud puddle. Tears flowed down her cheeks just like the angels above were crying on me.

_She can't be with you, Cullen._

"You can't what, Bella?" I was trying to sound gentle as I began to rub her drenched, gloved arms.

_Fuck, spill it!_

"You were flirting with her, dammit!" Bella shouted suddenly pushing my arms away from hers.

"What?" I was confused. Again.

"You! Grace! In there! Debussy! Christ Edward! Are you stupid?"

"I…I wasn't…I mean I didn't…" Honestly, I didn't even know how to respond. I was so involved in my thoughts of Bella, I barely noticed Ms. Kelly.

She began to mimic me, the bitterness of a scorned woman tainting her voice, " 'I…I wasn't…I didn't mean to' Is that all you got, Cullen? Pitiful, you sound just like _him!_"

I was stunned. Like she had slapped me in the face.

She continued, attempting to light a cigarette with her Zippo and failing miserably because of the rain. She tossed the wet tobacco to the ground, laughing cynically, "Jacob used to tell me that too. Philandering bastard used to go to parties with me. Flirt. Tell me it was all about the contacts and making connections. And I believed him Edward! I believed him like a fool! He would look at me with those puppy-dog eyes and beg me to stay. And I would fall for it every time."

"Baby, please, really…" I pleaded.

"NO!" She shook her head not wanting to hear me. Not wanting to hear my explanation.

And how _could_ I explain? She had been hurt before. I couldn't blame her for her suspicious mind going into overdrive.

_Jacob had hurt her. Badly._

What was I supposed to tell her?

I sat down. In the mud. With my heart.

_I fucked up._

I had hurt her.

_Like Jacob._

Bella stood up, her clutch in her hands.

"You belong in the mud. Just like Jacob. A pig in the mud." She muttered with a disgusting tone. Bella started to walk away.

Anger began to rock my fragile being. Anger at Bella for making me insane with jealousy and comparing me to a pig…comparing me to Jacob.

Unshakable wrath permeated my soul as I thought of Jacob lying to her all these months and taking her from me to begin with.

_Oh no, you crazy bitch. It's not ending like that. _

I stood up, nearly slipping twice. My pants were covered in mud. I looked like I had been rolling in shit.

Before she could walk two feet, I was on my feet. I grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her towards me.

"WHAT?" She screamed with vehement fury.

"Don't even think of walking away from me like that, do you understand me Isabella?"

The thunder cracked overhead and the rain began to fall around us even harder.

Bella pulled away, "Are you kidding? You don't own me, Mr. Cullen!" she spat.

_Pit viper little shit!_

"Holy shit Bella, we've been together all of a day. One fucking day and you think you _own_ me! I mean what in the hell was that in _there_ with Ms. Kelly? Making stupid pot shots in there? You know I can speak for myself. These parties? They're FAKE! Everything is for show. The schmoozing, the people, EVERYTHING! Including Grace Kelly's sucking up to me!"

"Don't you mean Ms. Kelly sucking you _off_?. I hear you like that sort of thing." Bella scoffed.

I rolled my eyes at her petulant comment, running my hands through my wet hair, "Let's make something crystal clear little girl, _we_ are not 'we' in public. _We_ need to be _careful_! You are MARRIED Isabella! I am screwing a _MARRIED_ woman!"

"Is that all I am to you? A screw?" She replied with a sharp tone.

"Don't you dare turn this on me! You're the one who's married. Just because he asked, that didn't mean you had to say yes."

"I had to say yes!"

"No. You. Didn't!" I screamed.

"Yes, I did!"

"Why?" I shouted.

"Because I was pregnant!"

I think I died a little right there.

Bella looked down to her feet, her chin trembling. Sobs ripped through her chest like an untamed beast. I was so angry I couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight.

Bella looked up at me. My eyes burned into hers, "Please Bella, I love you! I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you! I could never hurt you Isabella. I am not him and dammit, you need to see that!" I was pleading with her now. Begging, and pathetically failing.

Groveling for my girl.

_Not groveling, Cullen, fighting. You're fighting the mistake that grew into regret. You're fighting for her love. You're fighting Jacob for her love. Right now._

She was six feet in front of me. Still crying.

"Please Bella. I'm sorry." I repeated reaching out for her. My fingertips grazed the wet flesh of her shoulder. With that touch, she looked up at me and stepped backwards two steps, shaking her head.

"No." Bella stated in a simple tormented tone. Her hair hung in limp, strands down her chest.

"Please, let's go to the hotel. Let's talk about this. You haven't even given this a chance. You haven't given me a chance."

"No. I can't do this Edward. I can't do this again."

Before I could grab her, she turned and ran into the black rainy night. Never looking back.

Leaving me.

Alone.

_***Chapter Eleven Notes***_

_**~First and foremost, again, I love every actor, actress, and director mentioned in this chapter. They were "Hollywood". Kudos & applause to them.**_

_**~Grace Kelly was a beautiful actress who had more grace and poises in her little finger than any other actress of the day. She ranks right up there with Audrey Hepburn in the way she carried herself in the public eye. Now, I did read reports that Ms. Kelly had been a little bit of a tart before she married the Prince of Monaco, Prince Rainier III. Ultimately before she wed, her name was linked with every major actor and player in Hollywood at one time or another, including Ray Milland who was 22 years her senior and married.**_

_**Now she did replace Gene Tierney in **__**Mogambo**__**, but the studio didn't fly her out until September 1952, so please forgive the slight timeline warp in the story. Ms. Kelly earned the role through audition and the role did give her a 7-year contract starting at $850/week with MGM. Ms. Tierney did have an emotional breakdown, forcing her to leave the role.**_

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! And **__**thanks for reading!**_

_***SMOOCHES & STARS***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	13. Chapter 12

_**A/N: First and foremost, characters belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer. Secondly, The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_**And tons of thanks & love to my sis, my Beta, and my best-est friend…Kiki ;) **_

_**Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! I can't respond to every one but I do read them and I thank you so much for all your support of this little fanfic. ;)**_

_**Hearts & Hugs, Darlings! **_

_**Chapter Twelve ~**_

Under normal circumstances, I loved the L.A. rain…one minute it was hard and furious, the next minute, tame and gentle. Tonight, it served only as a nuisance.

I wove my way through the curvy streets of Benedict Canyon trying to find a phone booth. Much to my dismay, the only one I could find in Benedict Canyon was in the middle of no man's land, two miles from Edith's home.

I fussed with the cash in my pocket to discover two lonely nickels backing their way into the recesses of my slack's pocket.

I picked up the black receiver and dialed '0' on the rotary.

The operator picked up immediately, "Directory services, may I help you?"

"Chateau Marmont on Sunset."

"Five cents please."

I dropped in my nickel and waited.

_One ring….two rings…three rings…_

"Chateau Marmont, this is Andrew, how may I assist you today?"

"Andrew, this is Mr. Cullen. I am looking for a Ms. Swan. She may have checked in this evening."

"Just a moment, Mr. Cullen," he paused, papers rustling in the background, "Uh…I don't see anyone checking by the name of Swan."

"Thank you, Andrew."

"You're welcome sir. If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to call."

In frustration, I slammed the telephone down and walked back to my car.

All I could do was drive. And smoke.

I became more aggravated with every minute I wasted searching the streets for her face. For the better part of two hours, I wound my way through Benedict Canyon, finally succumbing to defeat.

I was tired. I was hungry. I needed a drink. My throat was raw from smoking too much. And to add insult to injury, I was freezing cold and caked with mud.

_Is she still worth it, Cullen?_

For the millionth time since she left me in the pounding rain, I reminded myself that she was worth it.

Worth every scar of pain, torture, frustration, and worry.

_Abso-fucking-lutely._

Bella was also worth every ounce of happiness and love that I knew we were capable of.

_If she just gave us a chance. _

I was willing to give us a chance. And if she loved me, she would be willing to do the same. Not give up after one day.

_One fucking day._

Like it was a glimmering little piece of hope in a world full of dismal gloom, the Chateau Marmont sign blinked a knowing nod of neon blue and pink as I pulled into the entrance off of Sunset Boulevard.

_Why am I here? I should just go home._

Under the safety of the canopy, I put the car into park and hopped out.

_She may be here. You know that's why you came tonight, Cullen._

I was a fool.

"Welcome to the Chateau Marmont. My name is Vincent. Anything you need, I'm your man." Vincent eyeballed me as I handed him my keys.

"Thank you, Vincent. I'm Edward Cullen." Vincent had a solid handshake and a warm greeting emulating from his face.

"Nice to meet you, Edward Cullen. Forgive me for being so bold, sir, but it looks like you are in need of a warm brandy and a valet to take that suit and burn it." Vincent chuckled as he removed my suitcase from the confines of the trunk.

I laughed a bit looking down at my appearance. I had to agree with Vincent. I was a mess.

"Vincent, that's a brilliant idea. I would love someone to fetch the suit and burn it. And I think I definitely need that brandy."

"Yes, sir." Vincent replied. He motioned for me to follow him into the golden glow of the entrance's hallway, leading to the lobby. A low-lit golden tone emulated from the small table lamps that sat next to the smaller outdoor-type couches that graced the larger-than-normal corridor.

We reached the lobby's front service area.

Vincent dropped my suitcase with a slight thud and began ringing the tiny silver bell that sat dutifully on the front desk with a distinguished fever that reverberated through the walls of the hotel's lobby.

A very well-put-together man appeared in a small archway behind the desk.

He seemed to brighten when he saw my face, "Can I help you?" His gold nametag read "Andrew". The same chap I spoke to on the phone.

"Good evening, Andrew. My name is Edward Cullen. I have a reservation for a cottage."

Andrew peeked over his wire-rimmed glasses at my appearance, than began to filter through the many names on the registry.

As if he had caught Andrew staring, Vincent chimed in, "Mr. Cullen has had an evening filled with…unfortunate difficulties, Andrew. Can you please get some brandy up to this poor man as soon as possible? And send the valet up to fetch his suit. Burn it and replace it with another. Will that suffice, Mr. Cullen?"

Andrew continued to look through the register, acknowledging the tall, dark man next to me with a curt nod.

"Vincent, it has been a pleasure." I replied palming him a ten-dollar bill.

"Anything, sir. I know the look of someone who could use a pick me up every now and again." With that, Vincent smiled and walked back underneath his white awning, snapping his fingers and throwing my keys to the nearest valet.

"Mr. Cullen, you are in the penthouse this evening." He gave me the burgundy registry book and an elegant, black pen.

_The penthouse? Heidi must've felt extremely guilty._

As I scribbled, Andrew replied, "Brandy has already been sent up to Ms. Stewart over an hour ago. Would you like me to send up the filets she requested, now that you're here sir?"

_Ms. Stewart?_

I stopped scribbling, my gaze still locked on the registry's chicken scratches, "Ms. Stewart? You mean Ms. Swan?" 

"No, sir. Ms. Swan is not here. Ms. Stewart is here." I looked up, with obvious confusion clouding my etched features.

Andrew's voice dropped to a whisper, even though there was no one around. His head bent close to mine. "Sir, we here at the Chateau are famous for the discretion and privacy of our patrons. Please be aware of that fact." Andrew straightened up and began again, "Ms. _Stewart_, the beautiful swan that flitted in about an hour ago, has upgraded you to the penthouse for the next two weeks. She gave me very specific instructions that you are not to be bothered unless we were notified in advance. The room is only to be cleaned once every few days and only upon instruction from you. I was to send up several hundred candles and six dozen long stemmed roses. I was also to call her upon your arrival, which I have done."

_My Bella was here. She came back._

A slight smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as all the frustration and aggravation of the evening began to melt away. She had that effect on me.

_Six dozen roses, two filets, brandy, and candles? _

Andrew slid the brass key across the high-shined countertop, the number '64' etched into the wooden key fob in thick gold numbers, "Mr. Cullen, I was also told that you may leave your suitcase. Vincent will drop it by in the morning. Ms. Stewart has accommodated you accordingly for the evening."

I slid the key into the pocket of my slacks as Andrew pointed the way to the penthouse elevator shaft.

Lyle, the elevator man, smiled as I disembarked the lift car. He sized up my shattered appearance as the doors closed on his hovering presence.

_I know, I know. Burn the suit._

I walked down the black and white tiled hallway to the suite's door.

_64_

I sighed heavily. I didn't want to seem over-eager, but all I wanted to do was fall into her arms.

The key in my hand suddenly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I slipped it in the tumbler and twisted it to the left. The lock gave way easily.

I walked into the dimly lit room. It was nothing short of breathtaking.

Candles were lying in wait all over the room. The overwhelming scent of vanilla accosted me as I stepped into the large foyer.

The front door clicked shut. I locked it.

"I'm sorry." She whispered from a darkened corner of the living room. I barely made out a slight bulky shadow draped over one of the large armchairs.

_Oh, God in heaven, I love you and I'm sorry._

"Don't say anything right now. Just walk into the bathroom. Don't turn on any lights. I'll be there in a minute." Bella's sexy voice dripped in remorse.

Without a word, I found my way amongst the pillars of expensive hotel furniture to the bathroom. I pushed the door open and was assaulted with the source of the overwhelming smell of vanilla and roses.

Bella had draped every possible inch of the small bathroom in petals and candles.

Steam billowed off of the still bathwater in the princess tub that lay to the right of me. Deep red rose petals bobbed with elegant grace on the water's surface. The candle flames flickered in the reflection of the small, mirrored glass cabinet door like some fantastical wood nymphs in a fairy tale. I caught my haggard face in its reflection. I brought my hand up to my five o' clock shadow.

_Jesus, this is what the woman has done to me in four hours of hell…_

I watched Bella in the mirror as she walked up behind me in her bare feet. Her normally tamed mane was hanging in her face in wet tendrils. Her hands were in the pockets of her thick terrycloth hotel robe, her head hanging down like she was ashamed of herself.

She was so easy to read.

I wanted to turn around, wrap my arms around her waist and cover her in kisses.

But I didn't. I just stood there watching her in the mirror, waiting for my next instruction.

"I'm sorry." She repeated again.

She looked up briefly. I caught her face in the mirror. The soft glow of the candles accentuated her features. Her face was scrubbed clean of any traces of make-up from earlier in the evening. Her eyes looked crystal clear and alarmingly innocent, but red-rimmed and filled with anguish.

I wanted to turn around, tell her everything was fine. That everything was going to be alright.

But instead, she brought her hands up to my shoulders, still peeking at me through her thick lashes as she shed my soiled jacket from my body, "I'm sorry for anything and everything I did to you tonight."

Her voice was low and husky. She continued, as she made her way to face me, tossing my jacket to the side at my feet. My gaze locked on her beautiful robed figure as she continued, "Please forgive me. I don't know what I would do if you didn't forgive me."

Her hands pulled at the damp white dress shirt that clung to my chest.

"I forgive you." I whispered placing my lips onto her forehead. My hands on her covered forearms.

_She's shaking._

Her fingers quivered as she slowly fumbled through the buttons of the shirt.

I wanted to stop her, but I almost couldn't. I didn't know what to do.

_Hold her. Stop her. Kiss her. Make love to her. Stop her. Let her keep talking._

I went with the latter. I had to hear what she wanted to say. She was hurting and the only way she would be all right is if she purged herself.

I could begin to make out the silver tears that streamed freely down her cheeks through the soft glow, "We made love one time, Jacob and I. After our second date."

My whole body tightened in anger at the sound of his name. This was hard for me to hear as she undressed me, but I knew I had to hear it. I knew she had a story to tell. And if this was the only way she could tell it, I would listen.

_I was her pillar of strength._

"About a week later, I got sick. I had never been sick a day in my life. Not like that. I didn't look different, but I felt different. As one week of being sick turned into three…four…five…then no period. I put two and two together. I was in denial for about a day. The doctor said all signs pointed to the obvious. I didn't have to wait for the rabbit to die though. I knew. My body knew."

She wouldn't look me in the eye as my damp dress shirt fell to my feet.

Her hands began to tremble uncontrollably as she pulled my undershirt from the confines of my trousers.

"Bella, please, you don't have to do this," I pleaded attempting to hold her shaking hands within my own. I didn't know if I could handle hearing anymore.

_This isn't about you, Cullen._

Bella looked up at me, locking my gaze with hers, "I told Jacob. He was elated, you know? He proposed. I didn't think I had an option. We got married three weeks and four days later. Jacob felt the sooner the better, so the public wouldn't suspect…he said, so they wouldn't think I was a tramp."

_Nice work, Jacob. Calling your future wife a tramp._

Emotion rocked through my core, I couldn't keep it together. A single tear escaped my eye, falling strategically onto the pale skin of her quivering hand.

The tear represented so much…my anger at Jacob, my pain for Isabella, my concern for my own fucking sanity.

_Way to be her pillar of strength, Cullen._

Bella continued, sniffing twice, "I didn't want it. I didn't want to be with him. I wanted you. I wanted it to be your child. I wanted it to be us. So when I lost the baby, a week after the wedding, the two weeks you didn't see or hear from me, I felt like…God was punishing me. I felt as though I _willed_ the baby away. Like God said, your wish is my command Isabella. POOF! And that was that. It was over."

Her hands rested on my chest. Her whole body was shaking now, like a dead leaf hanging to the last shreds of its life, blowing at the mercy of a Santa Ana windstorm. I wrapped my arms around her, stroking her wet hair as she cried all the tears of pain she had suppressed over the past six months.

"I wasn't ready to have a baby, Edward. And I didn't want it to be Jacob's." she sobbed into my shoulder.

My heart ached for her. With every tear that fell from her eyes, another hairline crack would fracture my heart.

"I'm a terrible person, Edward. I'm a selfish, terrible person."

"Don't ever say that Isabella." I said in a firm, but loving voice. She couldn't allow herself to think that way.

_It's not right for her to take the blame. An unfortunate set of circumstances. That's all it was._

"And than, when I saw Grace standing there with you tonight, it was a perfect opportunity to end something that still had yet to begin. It was an open window that would save you any pain or any regret that you may have to endure in the future. Little did I know, we had already started ithis/i way before last night...and you know when Jacob comes back…" She trailed off as if letting the thought sink in.

I knew when Jacob came back, things would get…sticky.

_How far will Jacob go to keep her?_

Bella looked back into my eyes, "And I tried. I tried to convince myself it was best to…to…to leave-" her chest heaved as fresh sobs began to overtake her.

"But when I saw you sitting there in the mud…when I call you a pig…you came after me. In my head, as soon as I called you a pig, like Jacob, I thought, 'Ok, if he comes after me, I'll stay, but if he doesn't say anything, I'll leave'. But when I turned to face you…you were so…so…angry. I had never seen you look at me that way. My heart shattered into a million pieces. You were mad and you were..." she trailed off.

"Hurt." I simply stated.

"Yes, you were hurt. Like I had hit you with a ton of bricks. I wasn't sure how to react. It wasn't right of me to feel the jealousy and it sure as hell wasn't right of me to feel…to feel…"

"Love." I replied sighing. I knew exactly how she felt.

"I mean how could I love you and feel all that emotion after just one day? I mean, that's crazy, right? One day. You said yourself, Edward. One day and I felt like you belonged to me. Like I owned you."

"Like you belonged _with_ me." I brought my hand to her chin, pulling her face up to mine. She was strong, yet so fucking vulnerable.

_Like porcelain. Hard on the outside. So sure of herself, yet so fragile…so breakable on the inside._

Bella began to speak again, but I brought my finger to her lips, "Shhh…you are not a terrible person, Isabella."

"I willed it away, Edward. I killed-"

"No," I replied in the same gentle, but stern voice. I brought my hands to the side of her face, than began to plant gentle kisses all over her swollen cheeks. Through slight whispers I continued, "You are the most courageous, selfless, beautiful person in the world, my Bella."

Her shaking body began to relax as I kissed her pain away, one tear at a time, "I love you. We belong together. We will get through this."

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry," she breathed as her hands began to trace the curves of my hard pectoral muscles.

"I'm sorry, Isabella." I breathed into her mouth as my lips caressed hers. Her hands slipped around my neck. She began to massage small circles into the nape of my neck with her fingertips.

"What's wrong with our moral compasses, Edward?" She chuckled lightly through her tears.

"Nothing. We are just two maladjusted misfits that got segued by stupidity," I replied through my series of kisses down her neck. I kicked off my muddy shoes, as her normally sure-speed hands, now stilled, fell from around my neck and landed at my waist. She began to pull at my trousers.

"This…this information…does this change things, Edward?" she breathed, a slight nervous twitter still evident in her voice.

"It doesn't change anything, Bella. You are still the same beautiful soul that was with me last night, and this morning, and this afternoon. The same soul who I fell in love with a year ago. The same soul who is…"

_Kiss._

"Courageous."

_Kiss._

"Sexy."

_Kiss._

"Loving."

_Kiss._

"And fucking brilliant."

_Kiss._

I pulled at the ties of her robe.

_Now I would take her away into some alternate reality where Jacob, the pregnancy, and Hollywood didn't exist. A place where it was just us. Like in my backyard. _

She stepped away from me, disrobed and slipped into the heat of the water. She sank into the warmth of the tub, resting a beautiful leg on the rim.

_And now, she was ready to be taken._

I shed my muddy slacks, stepped with ginger footing into the tub, and sank my body between her legs, facing her, sitting my ass onto the thick slick porcelain of the tub. As I laid back into the heat of the tub, I noticed Bella's semblance regaining more of her confident attributes once again.

As if the tears shed on my shoulder were her insecurities falling away.

She grabbed the bar of soap next to her, lathered up her hands and brought them to my foot that lay resting over the side of the tub. She began to massage it lovingly. "For the next two weeks I want to get to know you, Edward. I want you to get to know me. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Everything we do here, in this room, in this hotel, is between us."

"I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else in the world." Her fingers began to make small circles in the arch of my foot.

"We are checking out of Hollywood for two weeks."

"That's what I've been told. By you and by Andrew, downstairs." My grin grew wider as she made her way up my calf.

_Goddamn, that feels so good._

"I want to know everything. I want to know about your needs, your wants, your desires…your fantasies….your fears, your nightmares, your diseased issues with life. Good or bad, I want to hear it. I want to feel it."

"You may not like what goes through my head." I replied with a hint of a smile still playing at the corners of my mouth.

"You will not like some of the things I have to say, Edward." Her massage began to make my balls ache.

"Are we going to have issues?" I rested my wet arms over the side of the tub, raising an eyebrow skyward.

"Don't you think our relationship is wrought with issues already?" She laughed softly.

"I think every relationship has issues, Bella. Ours is just a little more complicated than most." I laughed a little at that statement.

_Complicated? Is that what you're calling it these days? You're diseased, Cullen._

Bella sighed with a smile playing her lips, "For now, complications don't exist." She shimmied herself up against me, her firm ass pressing up against my groin, the smooth, slick skin of her back pressed up against my chest.

I was hard in an instant.

"Tell me," I said, letting my hands travel down her arms under the water. Bella spread her legs, propping each one over opposite sides of the tub as she leaned into me. I let my hands wander shamelessly over her slick thighs.

"I love you, Edward Cullen." Her hands traveled up to my face, pulling me down to the curve of her neck. I picked up a floating rose petal, tracing it down the gentle slope of her neck.

"I love the way your whole body tenses in anticipation when I touch you." Her hands slid down to my muscled thighs. She began to massage them with slow deliberate strokes with her thumbs. Bella's touch was magnified tenfold under the warm blanket of water that covered us. It was like I was drowning in a world of my lover's ecstasy.

I wasn't sure how long we were just sitting there, touching and massaging each other. Her back towards me. Her breathing slow and enchanting.

But time had stopped for us.

I could have sat there and talked to her about the might-have-been's or the could-have's or the what if's, but when she was this close to me, nothing else mattered.

Everything disappeared. Jacob, Hollywood, the world…gone.

I realized she was my everything. She was all that I was, and all that I would ever be. She made me the man I was right now and the man I wanted to be in the future. Nothing else mattered.

Bella spoke, her voice as relaxed as her body was, "I love the way you sigh and tell me how much you love me."

Rose petals continuously bobbed around us, like a river of passion, as my hands cupped both of her breasts simultaneously. She let her head fall back onto my shoulder.

"Mmmmm…I love the way you touch me, Edward. Only you can touch me like this."

She rubbed her bottom softly up against my shaft. A thousand volts of electricity pulsed through me as she seductively teased my length, bobbing up and down in the water as I played with her breasts.

"You're my everything, Isabella. I want you to be mine forever." I whispered into her ear.

"I am yours forever, Edward." She cooed as she turned to face me. She stood up in the tub and stepped out before I could protest.

She held her hand out for me. I took it and hoisted myself out of the water. The candlelight cast a beautiful glow against her wet body. She brought her hand to my face and stroked my cheek.

"I am yours forever." She repeated. Her hand dropped down to mine. We padded our way through the expansive suite towards the bedroom. She stopped at the foot of the bed, and turned towards me. Moonlight filtered through the large window, making her look like an exquisite porcelain doll.

_So vulnerable._

I brought my hands to her face, pushing the wet tendrils away with a gentle hand. My lips came down to hers in a soft whisper. My tongue explored every plush crevice of her mouth, as she reciprocated my movements. It was like we were allowed to explore each other for the first time.

Uninhibited.

No time constraints. No worries about whether or not someone would walk in. No one to say what was right and wrong. No one to tell us how wrong this was.

I laid Bella down on the bed, letting my hands drink in every curve, every slope of wet flesh on her body.

My hands hovered over her abdomen.

_What if her belly was filled with my child?_

"What if…" I said, my hands fluttering over the beautiful alabaster skin. I bent my head towards her belly button and began to explore the supple skin with my lips. Goose bumps began to form with every warm breath I breathed. Her breathing became ragged with each pass of my lips.

_Would we give up everything to be a family?  
_

"What if," I began again, not knowing whether or not I should say it out loud, making my thoughts known to her.

_Holy hell, what am I saying?_

My wants. My needs. My desires.

_Did she really want to know what was going on in my head? What I was thinking?_

"What if it were you?" she asked in a whisper, completing my unsaid thought.

"What if it was my baby?" I said delicately placing those soft eyelash kisses around her stomach.

_It's out there now, Cullen._

I didn't have to look at her face. Her voice said it all.

"I would give up the world." She said an obvious smile on her lips. She ran a fingernail down my shoulder blade, sending chills down my spine.

With those words, I was overcome with an overzealous need to complete her. Everything in me ached to be one with her. I stopped and looked into her eyes, shining bright, like shooting stars across the black sky of night.

"I told you, Edward. I am yours forever. I feel it in my soul…in my…" her breathing hitched as I slid into her warm pool, "…my heart. I will leave everything I know in this life to be with you. Only you."

She completed me in every aspect.

My life. My body. My soul.

As I felt her lovely body shudder around me, bringing on my own release, I could conclude only one thing: every future frame of my life included Bella.

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! And **__**thanks for reading!**_

_***Smooches & Stars Marilyn Monroe Style!***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	14. Chapter 13

_**A/N: First & foremost the beautiful characters of Twilight are courtesy of our very lovely Stephenie Meyer, while The Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_**Props: Thanks, once again to my Kiki-Kins, my sister, my editor. Love you the most girl. ;)**_

_**Dedication: This chapter is for my chat-bitches on Freedom: Yneone, Lindz, Carolyn, Mona the Juicy Viper, Ashley (ASH-HOLE!), CHARLIE (I always feel I have to scream your name Eva), Jas, Lilly, Twi, I_Am_Kate, & Jessica...and anyone else I didn't mention, I'm sorry, but you know who you crazy bitches are and I love you all the same. ;)**_

_**Chapter Thirteen ~**_

_Baby. _

The word had permanently burned itself into my brain.

_Our baby._

Was I a fucking nutcase?

_Yes you are, Cullen. _

Sleep had escaped me.

_Clearly love-stoned._

All I could do was think about our future together as I watched her sleep for over an hour.

_Would it have her heart-shaped pouty mouth? Would it have her chestnut brown hair or my bronze locks? Would it have green eyes? Brown eyes? Hazel eyes?_

Last night was nothing short of a confessional for us.

_The next eleven days would be nothing short of a confessional, Cullen._

She had purged any hopeless insecurity to me, including the loss of an unborn child. Our relationship, in its hours of infancy, had already reached another plateau.

_Enjoy it before he comes back._

At five thirty the sun's rays burned through the grey cloud cover from the night before, exposing another new day full of promise.

I rose from the large white overstuffed chair in the corner of the bedroom and walked out to the living room. I padded through the room in some new blue plaid pajama pants that Bella had purchased for me for the evening.

_Jacob is going to put up a fight, Cullen. Don't think any different just because she truly is in love with you._

I plopped into the cream-colored sofa, lighting a cigarette. I took in a large drag as I burrowed deeper into the plush cushions, trying to get in a comfortable position. I threw my hands over my head, resting them onto the high back of the couch.

_He will fight for her. You know that. He's never lost anything in his life. He doesn't know how to lose._

I brought my cigarette back to my lips and inhaled another deep breath of smoke. I felt the tobacco work its magical reigns of relaxation. After a few more puffs, I extinguished the half lit tube of tobacco, and laid my head back into the feather-soft cushions, allowing exhaustion to wrap me in a warm cocoon of sleep.

_He will lose this time._

Two things awakened me: The feather-light brush of her lips on my cheek and the harsh rays of Southern California sun streaming into the room.

I blinked twice, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with my fingertips.

_Coffee. I needed coffee._

"Wake up, Mr. Cullen." The hot breath from her lips tickled against my left ear.

I had to smile at her voice.

Her sweet, lovely voice. It was like vanilla ice cream on a hot day. So inviting and sweet, and yet so fulfilling. I needed that every day for the rest of my life. To wake up to her silky voice and her beautiful face would complete every aspect of my life.

Bella's satin-robbed figure was sitting next to me on the couch. Her hair combed back into a no-nonsense bun, swept away from her porcelain face. She looked fresh and vibrant, compared to the lack-of-sleep look I was ridden with. No sense in making an attempt at sexy after only a few hours of sleep.

_Coffee. I needed coffee._

"I took the liberty of ordering French toast, some fruit, eggs, bacon, and…" Bella handed me a cup of steaming liquid as I propped myself up on my right elbow.

"Coffee." I inhaled the scent of the caffeine-ridden molten lava through my haze. My eyelids popped open as if a shock of caffeine was introduced to my heart for the first time while I sipped the hot coffee.

"You are an angel," I sighed in a bliss-induced state.

_Now all I need is a smoke._

"So I've been told," she replied smugly, taking a Pall Mall out of its hard container and lighting it with her small silver Zippo. She handed it to me.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

_She's a fucking saint who can read my mind. I need to marry this girl._

What was I thinking about?

_Marry her? She's not even divorced yet, horse's ass._

But she will be, I justified.

_Technicalities._

I jerked myself out of the conversation between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, only to be met with a sudden cloud cover filtering over Bella's soft features, "I know you heard it last night, Edward. But in the daylight, you know, it's different… I need to do it with the sun shining…I mean, I owe you another apology."

"What are you talking about, love? We went over this last night. I forgive you." I took another sip of coffee, then placed the heavy ceramic mug onto the coffee table. I took another drag off my cigarette, watching her intently. How many times was she going to drop the proverbial bowling ball onto her own head?

"People say things in the dark, that they maybe wouldn't say in the daylight, and I don't want you to think that I didn't mean what I said last night. You know?" Bella pulled the cigarette out of my hand and took a drag herself, then smashed it out in the small hotel ashtray.

I knew what she meant.

I had grappled with the fact that maybe, just maybe, she only said I love you because she was caught up in the moment. People were uncovered in the daylight. They were naked. Your soul is bared in the light. In the dark, there were too many places to hide. Too many things could be said and not meant. In the dark, you could hide the look in your eyes, your body language, your tone of voice. All of it could be hidden in the night. But it wasn't easy to lie in the light.

As I looked into her eyes, I knew she was sorry and I knew she loved me. She was uncovered. Naked.

Since we were heading into honesty, I needed to know one thing, "Why were you late last night? I am far from a jealous guy Bella, but I thought maybe…hell, I don't know what I thought." I threw my head back into the soft cushions of the couch.

Bella placed a hand on my cheek, "Don't worry about last night, sweetheart. It wasn't important."

I locked my gaze onto hers, propping myself back up onto my elbow, "To hell it isn't important…It tore me up to know you weren't there. Shit, Isabella, I worried about you. A thousand scenarios played out in my head. Like what if-"

Bella placed her finger on my lips, shushing me. She was good at that, "Shhhh…another time. No what if's today. Know that I love you. Know that we are here right now. Know that we are uninhibited with no distractions for ten days, my sweet man."

I don't know how she did it. How she could make me stop thinking like she did with one touch. It could've been her intoxicating smell. The fact that her breath was inches from mine. Or the fact that I was just addicted to her. But with her finger lying so sweetly on my lips, I could do nothing but take it in my mouth.

She smiled and sighed, allowing her eyes to roll into her head and she lazily dipped to the side. Like someone doped her with morphine.

_She's just as addicted, Cullen. She's just a little more talented at hiding it than you._

Bella opened her eyes pulling her finger from my mouth, that lazy smile and seductive look in her eyes still burning, "We have plans today, Edward."

I leaned my lips into her face, hoping for a kiss. As the over-protective, jealous vibe began to wear off, my morning hard-on began to take its effect, "Staying in?" I replied.

She brushed her lips to mine, her voice a whisper, "Maybe."

"Can I convince you to deviate from said plans…for a day in?" I put on my sexiest smile, as I brought my hand to her bare thigh. I began to make small patterns in her skin.

_You are wrapped around her little finger…_

_Love-stoned…you keep forgetting. _

"Maybe, but you may like my plans. Going out is…optional." She whispered kissing the side of my mouth. She smelled like freshly picked mint in the midst of spring.

"Where are your plans taking us?" My fingers began to creep up her thigh a little higher.

I looked into her warm chocolate eyes.

_Fuck plans, Bella. Let me take you right here. On this couch._

I casually spread her legs apart, bringing one of her knees closer to me.

She smiled delicately, moving her knee back to its original place, "Do as I say, and you may enjoy this afternoon."

_Fuck. Me._

My member throbbed in angst underneath the thin barrier of pajama pants.

_Let me just slip off that little piece of fabric that you call a robe._

Bella leaned into me once more, taking my hand from underneath the pink fabric and placing it on my own thigh.

_C'mon…._

"Don't worry Edward, we're not going far…" She released my hand, letting her fingers slide down my thigh to my kneecap, "But first, you must shower, dress, and eat. You know, all the things we forget to do because we are so into all the great sex we're having," she giggled.

"You can help me shower."

_Oh, holy hell, please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes._

My cock was chanting its own mantra.

Bella gave me a scrutinizing look, "Now behave, Edward!"

A slow sensuous smile spread slowly across her pouty heart-shaped lips. She raised an eyebrow at me, than slowly…_oh, so fucking, slowly…_pressed her face closer to mine, "Now, stop being…"

_Kiss…_

"…a naughty…"

_Lick…_

"…nasty…"

_Kiss…_

"…boy."

_Oh…sweet…heaven…_

She stood to leave, but I grabbed her arm, "What do you have planned?"

_Give me that look. That naughty little look._

Bella put her finger to my lips, "A little less conversation, a little more action, sweetheart."

And there it was….that fucking look.

_Fuck YES! There it is!_

With that she turned, went to the bedroom and shut the door, leaving me sitting on the couch with a dumb look on my face, trying like hell to remember what she said.

_Eat, shower, get dressed. _

"Get dressed for what?" I yelled at the closed door. I stood and stretched my arms above my head.

"I put everything you'll need in the bathroom, Edward! A little less conversation….please!" Bella called back in a voice drenched in sex.

_Oh Christ!_

I felt like the anticipation was going to kill me. Now what was I supposed to do? God, she made me a fucking mess. I couldn't even think straight.

_Eat. She wants you to eat, dumb ass._

I looked over at the large dining room table in the center of the room, where sat a covered silver tray.

_Breakfast._

"Why is it so important that I eat right now?" I raised my voice just enough so she could hear me through the closed door as I walked myself over to the large square table in the midst of the room.

_No answer from the peanut gallery?_

Steam billowed out in a large puff as I opened the wide silver dome from hotel services, with the best aroma of French toast and bacon I had ever smelled. My stomach reminded me that all I had to eat over the past twenty-four hours were cigarettes, coffee and Scotch. I removed the white ceramic plate from its silver housing and began to eat standing up. I was never a breakfast person. Give me a cup of coffee and a couple of cigarettes and I was good until noon.

As I began to stick a piece of the sweet French toast into my mouth, the bedroom door cracked open, and my attention was suddenly diverted.

"Did you eat yet?" I heard Bella coo.

One of her long, porcelain legs squeezed seductively through the crack. It was draped in black silk stockings, adorned with a black stiletto heel.

The fork bounced out of my hand onto the ceramic plate and into the silver tray with a clang.

_Smooth move, Ex-lax. What's the encore?_

"I take that as a no….eat up boy, you'll need your strength." she purred. Her leg disappeared behind the wood door. She clicked the door shut, turned the lock, then laughed seductively.

"Bella!" I yelled, obvious sexual frustration tainting my primal roar.

_UGH! Cock tease!_

_God, I love this woman!_

The door cracked open again, "Remember, this is a soundproof hotel, Edward. No one can hear you scream but me." She slammed the door shut again.

Leaving me in the living room.

With my breakfast.

_She's got you by the balls, Cullen._

I picked up the fork from the tray and ate fast, not even caring that I burned my tongue on the scalding scrambled eggs. All I could think about was what the little femme fatale had planned.

I was like a kid on Christmas Eve.

A few moments later, I was letting the warm shower relax away any knots that were hounding me. I let the water cascade around me like a waterfall, washing away the luxurious soap bubbles I had scrubbed onto my skin. I leaned all of my weight onto my forearms against the beige and white tiled walls, dipping my head once more under the sharp needles of water that screamed out of the showerhead.

_Sitting between her thighs, licking away all the goodness…_

I turned off the water and grabbed the plush white towel from a silver rack outside of the tub. I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped out of the porcelain.

On the sink sat all of my usual toiletries that I would pack from home: straight blade, shaving cup, toothbrush and paste, cologne, comb. But one thing was missing.

My clothes.

_My little vixen._

I brushed my teeth, shaved, and walked back into the living area, running a hand through my wet hair.

A high-backed wrought-iron chair, upholstered in red velvet, sat in the center of the room facing the bedroom door. The patio door was halfway open, allowing a nice Southern California breeze to filter through the room. It felt good against my warm, freshly washed skin.

I sat where I assumed she wanted me.

_Cock at attention…check._

_Naked…just about._

_Bella's hot little ass…almost here._

And I waited on pins and needles.

A few minutes had passed when the door to the bedroom finally opened, like the curtain of a theater.

_Holy…hell._

I leaned forward eagerly at the big reveal, and was definitely not disappointed.

_Fuck…me…gently…sexy…seductress._

"Holy hell…" I breathed. Because I would crawl through brimstone and fire for what I saw.

Bella's hair was piled into an array of twists that hung down her back in long curly tendrils. Her svelte figure was cinched into the most erotic midnight blue and black corset that I had ever seen. Her arms stretched up into the doorjamb supports, her legs crossed, her chin pulled slightly inward and to the right. Her eyes not making contact with mine. Yet.

_Look up…give me that fucking look and I'll cum right here._

Then she looked up at me through thick, black lashes.

My cock twitched.

Her eyes were doused in fire, black eyeliner framing her dark eyes in burning desire.

My eyes travelled down to her precious gams that were adorned in black thigh highs, tightly secured in garters that were attached to the steel-caged contraption that clung to her body. Her ass was painted in black lace panties from some Parisian lingerie shop, I was sure. The States didn't have that sort of inventory post World War II.

Sexy high-polished black stilettos, that had to have been three inches high, dressed her feet.

"Mr. Cullen." She purred as she walked towards me.

My cock jumped to attention at the sound of my name. I was stupefied as she rested her regal heel into my shoulder, pinning me to the chair. My hot breath slightly fogged the hard polished leather of her heel as I turned to greet its evil shine.

_I've never loved fuck-me heels like I do now._

I had never known any woman like Isabella.

No woman _thinks_ like this.

_No woman, save mine…._

A smile grazed my lips as I locked my eyes on her toned thigh that stood, painted black, next to my face.

Evil clapped its hands together in anticipation within my soul.

She brought one red painted fingernail to my chin, pulling my attention from the high-shined heel back to her eyes.

"Mr. Cullen…"

_How in the hell did she stay balanced on one heel while the other has me pinned to the back of this fucking chair?_

If I leaned forward, I would probably impale myself.

_How would I explain a heel-shaped hole in my shoulder to my father, the fucking doctor?_

I chuckled inwardly at the thought of an emergency room attendant trying to fix that one.

Bella leaned her cherry red lips close to my right ear. My shoulder screamed in glorious pain the more she leaned into me. I could smell the rose water from last night on her skin, with a hint of cigarette and Scotch on her breath. She trailed her finger down my chin to my throat, lingering seductively at my collarbone. Pleasure and pain. What a fucking combination.

_Just one touch and the girl has got you almost cumming in your seat._

I groaned, closing my eyes, leaning my head into the back of the chair. I wanted to touch one of her legs.

Just once.

"You've been a bad, bad boy, Mr. Cullen." She unwrapped the damp towel from my waist, releasing my erection.

_Punish me, you naughty girl._

I ran my free hand down the silk stockings. Her calf muscle flexed and pushed harder into my shoulder as I began to massage at the toned muscle. Bella threw her head back, sighing.

_And see what you do to her?_

"Goddamn woman, what have you turned into since I found you that day in the drug store in a turtleneck sweater?"

"Do you like what you see, Mr. Cullen?" She removed her heel from my shoulder revealing the half-inch red circle of damaged skin. She straddled my lap, sitting erect and poised in her corset. I reached out, placing one hand on each side of her hips.

"It's called Trouble." She replied in a breathless hushed tone. I brought my hands to her delicate throat feeling the soft skin throb underneath my thumbs. Her pulse beat rapidly underneath the thin skin. It was calling to me. Almost like some sort of bloodlust. I pulled her throat to my lips. Her skin was hot and ripe. All I wanted to do was mark her, like she had done to me.

Bella's hands fisted my hair, pulling me closer into her neck. My slow succulent kisses soon became feverish sucks and pulls at the soft vellum of her throat.

The harder I sucked on her throat, the more her nails dug into the back of my neck. Her fingers slid ruthlessly down to my upper arms, slicing into the soft tissue of my biceps. I hissed involuntarily at the scorching pain. It felt too fucking good to tell her to stop.

_Goddamn, she's made me into a fucking masochist._

I pulled away from her neck to find that I had left a safe amount of collateral damage down her neckline. I smiled at the trail of savagery I had left across her pure white throat, now singed by red O-shaped marks.

She closed the gap between her pussy and my cock, adding friction and heat by moving her hips up and down.

_Sweet…mother…fucker…_

The tops of her breasts rose and fell with each labored breath. Her hands released my damaged flesh and traveled to my chest. Her fingers lingered against my pectoral muscles.

She arched her back, trusting me to support her curved frame. As she dipped further back, I noticed the stiff corset that strangled her already taut body, and how it formed it into the most revealing figure eight I had ever seen. It was beautiful.

"You make me crazy," I replied, allowing my fingers to drink in the high shine of the electric blue satin as she leaned back into my hands.

The fabric was soft while the black boning was hard and confining against my thumbs.

Black laces tied into a pretty bow held everything together in the small of her back.

_Heaven and hell tied into one package._

I ran my hands up and down the contraption in awe. I pulled blindly at the ribbon's bow, releasing the corset from her skin. I pulled at the laced up confines, loosening the tight bonds with one hand while supporting her with the other. I unclipped the stockings from the grip of the alligator clips.

The corset finally released her from its jaws. I threw it to the side of me, bringing my hands up her sides, "As much as I fucking love this corset, and plan on investing unlimited amounts of money into them, _this_ is how I like you. Almost completely naked, save for those naughty little black stockings and those goddamn fuck-me stilettos. I fucking love those."

I greedily took one of her pert pink nipples into my mouth, savoring the rose petal flavor from the bath the night before. She moaned in pleasure as I continued to suckle and bite, alternating one with the other.

"Try not to rip those panties…they're my-"

_Rrrrriiiippppp._

"Next time don't wear any," I replied, releasing her breast from my hot mouth and tossing them on the floor.

Bella giggled, "How about I just run around naked in heels and stockings all day?"

"Agreed, love," I said.

As I replied, she lowered herself onto my cock, my hips coming to meet her half way. She enveloped all of me in an instant. We rocked back and forth, getting into a beautiful rhythm that only the two of us knew the music to.

Bella shimmied her hand in between our hot, sweaty bodies, lacing her forefinger and her middle finger around the base of my cock as she continued to bounce, pushing me to the edge of insanity. My head careened backwards into the wrought iron of the chair backing as her intense grasp around my member strengthened, sending a pulse of depraved pain throbbing into my skull.

_That's going to hurt later, Cullen._

But it didn't hurt now.

Adrenaline was coursing through my veins as I pumped harder. Sinful pulses of erotic current condemned us both into different fields of the universe.

My thighs were shaking with anticipation as she continued to grind into me with vigor. Her hair started to stick to her temples where sweat dripped down her face like honey.

_Sinfully sweet honey._

I grabbed her beautiful face between my hands, bringing her neck back to my lips. She moaned with every pass of my tongue, as I traced it down her sweat-covered skin, taking in every drop of her.

_Fuck, so sweet. Like fucking candy. Sugar… sex...magic._

My hips continued to pump into her wicked garden. Leg muscles I didn't even know existed were beginning to burn like the Devil himself was tearing away at the sinewy fibers with his pitchfork of evil.

Could she see in my eyes what she did to me? Did she know how much physical pain she put me in when she wasn't near me?

"Tell me." I said gasping. I needed to hear it. Had to hear it.

_So fucking needy, Cullen._

"I love you." She replied, greedily taking my lips into hers. She released my lips and continued, "Fuck me all day, Edward. Fuck me until I don't know my own name. Fuck me hard. Fuck me fast. Fuck me slow. Fuck me sideways. I will walk around in just heels. I will run around in a maid's outfit. Holy shit, I will run around in a Donna Reed outfit if you want me to. Come with me now. Goddammit…_now!_"

Bella threw her head back as she contracted around me. The feelings she evoked from me were like a kaleidoscope of light plummeting into my vision. The release was divine torture.

_So erotic, so sinful. _

Sugar…Sex…Magic…

_The recipe for us. _

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! And **__**thanks for reading!**_

_***Hearts & Hugs, Marilyn Monroe Style!***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	15. Chapter 14

_**A/N: First and foremost, characters belong to the magnificent Stephenie Meyer, but the Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic.**_

_**Props: Thank you (I can't say this enough) to my sister, my editor…you know I'm your Gwen and you're my Kiki-kins.**_

_**Guys, I read every review and hold each one close to my heart. Unfortunately, I can't respond to every one but I wanted to thank you so much for all the love!**_

_**If you are in a hurry to read the rest of The Pin-Up Girl, you can find me on Freedom Fanfiction Writers (dot) Com where I normally post. There you will find the rest of this story, plus the continuation, The Photographer (Bella's POV).**_

_**If you go there, sign up and tell them Cozmedic sent you ;) xoxoxox**_

_**Chapter Fourteen ~**_

Four days.

That's how long Bella and I had been in the room before we made a conscious decision that it was time to cross the threshold of the hotel door into somewhat of an alternate reality.

_That's not true Cullen. You attempted to get out last night for dinner._

With all the money and the fame, it was very easy to fall off the face of the planet and into our own universe. Between Vincent and Andrew, all of our needs were met: food, cigarettes, alcohol, and our belongings.

_Your cock had other plans though._

And any other divine taboo of eroticism that Bella or I thought up.

_And so did Bella._

My lips curved into a villainous grin as the memories from last night began to invade my brain like a beautiful heavy fog.

This morning found us in the double sun lounger, enjoying a post coital cigarette and a cup of coffee with our breakfast of Eggs Benedict and breakfast potatoes. She and I hadn't bothered to get dressed for the day. We were always naked within minutes after waking up, so it was pointless to go from pajamas to regular clothing. I was beginning to wonder what the point of clothing was.

I entangled my arms around her tiny robed waist, pulling her into my lap. "What would you like to do today? Dinner at the marina? A day out at the beach? We can have Andrew get us a picnic basket and head up to the mountains for the day?"

"Didn't we attempt this last night? Going out, I mean?" Bella's face turned her signature color of rose at the remembrance of the past evening when we tried to get out. Things ended up almost infamously fucked.

_You were fucked, Cullen. Properly, if memory serves well._

"Well, this time, we'll do it right."

_This time we'll make it to our destination._

I continued excitedly, "We'll get a basket from Andrew for lunch. We'll take the car and go up to the San Bernardino Mountains." I stopped and looked into her wicked little mug. I could see the wheels of her brain moving at top speed.

"Camera?" Her eyes twinkled in the sunlight.

"Do I go anywhere without that damn camera, love?"

"Nope." She popped the P, than gave the corrupt little smile that I adored.

I pulled at the small bun she had roped her hair into, letting it fall into wet tendrils down her back. Wet or dry, her hair was always beautiful when she wore it down. She leaned her head into my shoulder as I cradled her in my lap.

After a few moments, she sighed deeply, "This will end you know, Edward."

My arms wrapped themselves tighter around her. I never wanted to let her go.

"Why are we having this conversation again, Bella?" We had already gone over this two nights before.

"Because you never answered my question." She sat up straight.

"I answered your question," I replied calmly. I grabbed my cigarettes from the small glass garden table next to us.

"No, you didn't. You said, 'we'll talk about this later, Bella.'"

I flinched inwardly. The truth was, Bella asked the question that I couldn't answer. It was too soon to answer.

"Bella, love, we have seven days to figure it out."

Bella crawled her way out of my lap, lighting her own cigarette. She took a drag off the Pall Mall, removing a dried tobacco leaf from her tongue as she pulled the cigarette from between her lips.

I sighed in resignation. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you."

"Good, because I think I've had my fill of being lied to in the past six months."

I ran my hand through my hair. This wasn't how I wanted to start such a glorious day. "What are you going to do Isabella? Are you going to leave him as soon as he gets back? Is that a good idea with the Heffner shoot around the corner?"

"What are you saying, Edward? Are you saying I should go back to that son-of-a-bitch?" Bella puffed at the cigarette relentlessly. I had made her angry.

_Looks like you royally pissed her off, Cullen._

Damn, if I could shut my inner governor off, I would have. I put my hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off like a petulant child. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. How did this turn into something ugly?

"I'm thinking about you, Bella. Your career. You are at a turning point right now-"

She turned to face me, her hands visibly shaking and tears in her eyes. "What did I tell you the first night we were here? I told you I would trade the world for you. _For us_. I wasn't kidding, Edward."

I stood up and began to pace, "I am more than willing to leave behind _everything_ I've worked for, for you. _For us_, Bella. But it's not such a simple answer. I've known Jacob for half of my life and he doesn't like to lose, doll. In fact, he will do everything in his power to keep you. And to add to this debacle, he will use _this_," I motioned feverishly between the two of us, then continued, "against us. Against you. He will use the loss of the baby against you. Against us. Don't you think I haven't thought of every conceivable scenario?"

Her eyes were beginning to spill over. She had to hear it. Had to hear the reality. That's what she wanted, wasn't it?

_You're a fool, Cullen. She's a woman. She wants reassurance from you, not reality. Where's the pillar of strength now?_

I continued, trying not to allow the unyielding reality of her tears to pierce my heart, "He will use everything and anything to keep us apart. Is this what you wanted to hear? Is this the answer you wanted to hear from me, Bella?"

Bella buried her head in her hands and allowed her constrained sobs consume her. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't bear to be cold with her.

_She's not at fault, Cullen. You know that. Hug her. Hold her. Tell her you love her, you fucking dope. Tell her the two of you will survive. Fix this._

As I approached her, she looked up at me. "Are you going to tell me now, that it's over?"

_WHAT? See what you've done, Cullen? Fuck up the best thing in your life in seven days. New record. Even for you. FIX THIS, YOU DISEASED IMBICILE!_

I kneeled down in front of her. "It will never be over, Isabella. Do you understand me, love? It will _never_ be over between us."

Her eyes grew dark, "Even in death?"

"What? What are you talking about Isabella?" I was suddenly filled with panic.

"Is he capable of murder?" she replied in a monotone voice. Her hands shook violently around the almost extinguished cigarette.

I pushed her hair away from her face. "What has he done to you, love? Has he hurt you before?"

_I'll kill him with my bare hands. I'll strip his skin from his body and light him on fire._

"Not on purpose." Bella extinguished the burning paper that was already near-death and immediately lit another in its place. She took a slow drag and looked at me with dead in her eyes. It was terrifying.

I found myself sitting at her feet. Rage began to consume me.

_Not on purpose? What the fuck did that mean? I will smash seven shades of shit out of him!_

I brought her head to rest within my hands. I was trying like hell not to shake.

"What do you mean 'not on purpose'?" I deliberately enunciated each word.

She looked into my eyes and a look of pure fear ran through her. I must've looked like the Grim Reaper. "Don't hurt him, Edward. He didn't mean it. We're married, so…so…it's not like I'm not his wife, right? I mean at the time. It's no big deal. It's over and done now, I'm with the person I was destined to be with. So whatever happened doesn't matter anymore. Let's keep the past in the past." She was babbling. Over-thinking what she had just said.

"You told me the other night that I wouldn't like some of the thoughts that ran through your head. Well, love, here's a thought running through mine that you may not like. I'm so fire-red angry I could break him in half right now. Husband or not, he has no right to hurt you, to lay a hand on your body without your consent or to otherwise damage you in any way. Do you understand me Isabella?"

I wanted to shake her like a ragdoll until she understood.

Her eyes were full of fear and anguish.

_What did he do to her, Cullen?_

Little by little I was chipping away at her tough-broad exterior that she had carried so well over the past six months. Slowly, piece by piece, she was crumbling like old stone in a tomb of death and destruction. All I had to do was help her rebuild.

I repeated myself, my voice unwavering, "Do you understand me Isabella?"

"Yes," she replied. A lonely tear spilled over cheek. I wiped away the remnants of her trails with my thumbs. Gently. Lovingly.

"I want you to understand something, Bella. I will never cause you pain…physical, mental or emotional…and I would trade my life for yours any day of the week, love."

Bella smiled through her pain-soaked skin, "I know you wouldn't hurt me, Edward." She sniffed loudly and wiped away any excess debris from her snow-white skin, continuing with a look of determination, "Let's stop this nonsense. Alright? It was dumb of me to even bring up old wounds. The stuff with Jacob is my business. Old business."

I hung my head down, resting my forehead on her knees. "Bella, you are my business. And I need to know what he did to you."

_Jacob never used to be like this…he wouldn't hurt a hair on a girl's head before…_

"No, I'm not rehashing bad memories right now, Edward."

_Some other time, then, but you will tell me, Bella._

"Don't be angry, Edward. You're one hundred percent spot-on. We'll get through this. It's too early to talk about this and I was an idiot for bringing it up." She was making an honest attempt at trying to make light of the situation. I didn't like it. Not one bit.

She began roaming her fingers through my tousled hair. Here she was, in such a fragile state and _she _was consoling _me_ with her light touches and her words of bravery.

My anger began to dissipate almost instantly with a the touch of her hand.

I brought my gaze up to meet hers. "Let's go. I'm going to get dressed and go downstairs to make arrangements with Andrew. You take a nice hot bath and relax a bit. I think we've been in this fucking room too long."

"That's my sweet man," she replied, her eyes brightening at once to the proposition.

_What did he do to you Isabella?_

The room had been our own erotic prison. As much as Bella and I loved it, we also needed to get away from it. It was causing us to dwell on reality too much.

_Reality really was a cruel, insensitive bitch._

I was hoping this little excursion would clear both of our heads. Give us a little clarity on our current situation.

Before our escape, I had Vincent fuel up the convertible and pull down the top so we could enjoy the sun, while Andrew packed us a picnic basket with some of the best pastrami from the local deli.

_You're going to love this, Bella. Just trust me. Please._

I glanced over at her stony silhouette. Bella's sad eyes were masked by a pair of large, white glasses which covered half of her face. Her hair pulled back into a large twist, covered by a light blue shawl that was tied tightly around her head. Little wispy strands of her brown locks waved freely in the cool, crisp wind as we wound our way down the I-38 into the base of the mountain.

I pulled onto a small dirt road about twenty miles from the interstate, drove another mile down a short hill and parked under a large overgrown shade tree, next to a small but raging river bed. Small summer flowers bloomed over the green, lush landscape. It was a beautiful backdrop for a cloudless, blue-sky day.

As soon as the car stopped, Bella hopped out, removed her glasses and looked over at me as she shut her passenger side door.

"How did you find this place?" she asked, happiness evident in her voice and the twinkle in her eyes slowly returning.

This is how I loved her. Vibrant, bright-eyed, and happy.

"You like it?" I beamed.

"Oh my word, Edward. It's breathtaking. The flowers, the grasses, the trees, the river…it's spectacular."

I jumped out of the car, walked towards the back of the vehicle, and opened the small trunk. I inspected Vincent's handiwork as I began to gather up our belongings. "I was doing publicity stills of Joanne Dru for _She Wore a Yellow Ribbon_ in '49."

_Blanket. Wine. Basket. Camera._

"I needed grass, dirt and a river. So, John Wayne told me about this place. He takes his wife here a lot. He said it's far enough away that you actually feel away from the hustle and bustle, but you're a stone's throw from where you need to be."

Bella took the blanket and the bottle of wine from me. "Well, it's beautiful. And I love it."

"I'm glad," I replied, a heartfelt smile gracing my lips.

As she stood before me, I noticed Bella was just as beautiful as the scene I had brought her to, as usual.

She was wearing a stunning bombshell sarong-type halter dress in a marine blue, speckled in reds, oranges, yellows, and greens, with a hint of ivory. The Asian-influenced fabric clung to her curves, gathering into a sarong tie on her left hip. The bodice looked boned and adhered to her upper body perfectly.

She suddenly bent over, unclasped her yellow high heeled shoes, and threw them in the trunk before I slammed it shut. "Terrain's way too rugged for heels today," she laughed. A beautiful, brilliant laugh that trilled through the air like a harmonious symphony.

"I love it when you laugh." I stroked her cheek with my free hand.

Bella's smile emulated so much: warmth, love, grace, strength. And yet her eyes, for a brief moment, told a different story. Her eyes were still draped in a world of sadness. A world of pain I wanted so badly to take away.

_What did he do to you?_

Bella placed her sunglasses back onto her face as if she knew I saw her anguish.

"What did good ol' Andrew pack for us?" she inquired, changing the subject.

_Don't shut me out, Bella. Trust me._

I walked Bella over to the shaded grass, my hand never leaving the small of her back.

"Your favorite, pastrami on rye from Musso and Frank's." Bella always devoured the meaty creations when Alice bought them for her, so I assumed she loved them.

"Oh my gosh!" Bella posed dramatically with her full hands awkwardly hugging the wine and the blanket to her chest, "I _love_ Musso and Frank's pastrami. The only one in the world who will get this for me is Alice."

Bella set the bottle of red wine next to her bare feet and threw the large flannel blanket over a patch of grass. I set the basket down. "I know. Every time you have an all-day shoot, my sister gets it for you."

She plopped herself in the center of the blanket tossing her gams underneath her, so her bottom sat demurely on her calves.

I watched Bella begin rooting through the wicker basket of goodies, unwrapping two large red wine goblets, two sandwiches wrapped in white paper, and a small basket of strawberries.

I brought my camera up to my eyes and shot several frames of her.

"Edward, what are you doing?" She placed her hands on her hips like she was angry with me. A W-shaped crease was burrowing itself between her eyebrows.

"There is one thing that I do not have of you, love," I replied taking four more images.

"And what's that, you silly fool?"

_Your trust._

"Unscripted photos," I declared suspending her reaction in time.

She shook her head and mumbled quietly, a smile hinting at her pouting lips. "Silly fool."

_Maybe, but a silly fool who is head-over-heels in love with you._

She shed her sunglasses slowly as I shot one picture after another. My fingers had a mind of their own as I suddenly realized through the apex of the camera, as the sun glinted off of her face, that she was crying.

Her face was still in its relaxed state, but tears rolled down her cheeks in waves. I drew the camera away from my face, stunned. She had allowed me into a private moment to take the most priceless photos of anyone in the world.

She had allowed me to shoot her sorrow.

_Now I have pictures of the day she let me in. _

I dropped down to my knees next to her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to console her. I wanted to help her rebuild her life. But I needed her to initiate it.

"I am not a blubbering fool, Edward." She was wiping away her tears with the tips of her fingers, shutting off the waterworks almost immediately. She looked down at what she had set in front of her and moved everything to one side. I crawled closer to her, positioning myself in front of her. I stretched out my long legs, pulling one knee up, resting my right arm on my raised kneecap while I leaned my weight on my left hand. I brought my right hand to her snow-white skin. My thumb ran the gamut of the tear's trail.

She was right, in the past year I hadn't seen her shed a tear.

_Not until seven days ago, at my home, underneath the moonlight. The first tear fell._

The only sounds around us were of the raging river and a flock of small birds that were flying overhead.

"Kiss me, Edward." Her breath was slow and deliberate. Relaxed.

My eyebrows were knitting the ultimate afghan, because for the first time in a year, I didn't want to make love to her.

I wanted to just love her.

Something I think she had been missing.

Something he could never give her.

Something I could give her with my whole heart.

I leaned in slowly, taking her quivering lips into mine. The soft flesh of our mouths molded together into its own sweet embrace. It was just an innocent, loving, open-mouthed kiss. Neither of us were fighting for domination. Both of us were just allowing our lips the time they needed to linger and explore. To make a home for each other. My mouth soothing her soul. Comforting her. Her lips telling me she loved me. Making a much larger place for me in her heart.

Neither of us could stop kissing each other.

I pulled her into my lap, where she immediately entangled herself around my neck. My arms holding her tiny waist to me. I never wanted to let her go. There was no attempt at tearing off each other's clothes. We just clung to each other's embrace.

Her tongue shyly began to make its entrance into my mouth. For some reason, even though we had kissed before, even though I knew she tasted like sugar, it was the sweetest thing I had ever had in my mouth in my life. Her tongue grazed mine with a soft caress. Just letting her do what she felt was right. I felt the light muscle take its time sweeping over the insides of my cheeks, my teeth, and the underside of my tongue. Everywhere and anywhere she wanted to, I allowed her explore. I didn't want to hide anything from her.

Her lips pulled at the soft, fleshy mass in my mouth, creating a tight vacuum around it. She pulled away from me slowly, sending an ache to the pit of my stomach and straight to my balls.

_Holy hell, so good._

I began brushing my tongue across her soft lips. She moaned in pleasure as I swept my tongue from side-to-side along her top lip. I sucked her bottom lip between mine and bit down delicately, savoring the way it felt between my teeth. Bella began to squirm in my lap as I nuzzled the soft, slippery flesh of the walls of her mouth with nimble pressure. Her hands began to grope at the delicate skin at the back of my neck. It made my skin into goose flesh.

Without a thought, I began to take my kisses elsewhere. Small feather-soft kisses.

Outlining her lips. Travelling up to her cheeks. Grazing her small nose. Covering her eyes. Allowing my lips to drink in the soft skin of her forehead. Kissing the pain away.

The way we were right now was how I wanted to be for the rest of my life. It was the greatest pleasure I had ever experienced in my life just having my girl in my lap. Holding her. Kissing her.

Loving her.

Bella's hands travelled into my hair, pulling me closer into her, if that was possible. We couldn't get enough of each other. I couldn't get enough of her skin underneath the tips of my fingers. I couldn't get enough of her breath burning hot abrasions onto my flesh. I couldn't get enough of her voice dripping its sweet goodness into my ears. I couldn't get enough of her heart.

I wanted it all. I needed it all.

_You are so fucking lost, Cullen. _

_I know._

_Are you sure?_

I tilted my head up, allowing her full access to my throat. Her trembling lips quivered over my Adam's apple. I moaned in simple pleasure, allowing my warm hands to linger down the smooth fabric of her dress.

_Yes, I'm sure._

_Have you factored death into this equation?_

_I would die for her._

_You're fucking lost, Cullen._

_I know._

I was lost in her embrace and in her kiss. The world could have imploded and I would have died happy, right there in her arms. It almost didn't feel real. Again, my mind had found that place, that snow globe, where the sky melted into the ground. No beginning and no end.

_I love this place._

The place where we were the only two people in the universe.

Repeating over and over as if a record on the phonograph had been skipping in place, I murmured in soft whispers, "I love you, forever."

And in response she would constantly reply, "More than my own life."

"What did he do to you, love?" I asked, in a moment of incoherent raving. I didn't even realize the words were out until I wanted to take them back. My subconscious wanted to know.

Badly.

So bad, in fact, that the inner me suddenly had a voice of its own.

She stopped her simple kisses that were running down my jaw line and stood up, smoothing down her dress. "He was drunk, Edward. Jacob doesn't mean anything when he's drunk. Besides, that's really none of your business."

_Great way to ruin the moment, Cullen. _

She started walking towards the small riverbed.

_You imbecile. Demented goon._

I grabbed at a tiny patch of fresh grass and yanked it up, throwing the shards onto the ground.

_FUCK! You moron!_

"To hell it isn't my business, Bella."

_Shut your fucking mouth, Cullen!_

Bella turned to me, "What happened between Jacob and I is my business, Edward. Stop criticizing me! If I have a notion to jump off a goddamn cliff head first, it ain't nobody's business if I do."

_Fuck, woman, don't you dare defend him._

"Bella, stop the drama. This isn't a Billie Holiday song for chrissake." I ran an aggravated hand through my hair.

She crossed her arms and gave me an incredibly dark look.

_Gentle, Cullen. Different approach._

"I just want to help you. I want to help us," I said in a gentler tone. I stroked her exposed forearm with the backs of my fingers.

"He just had a little too much to drink that night. You know Jake, Edward. He has a little too much alcohol and he thinks he's the best thing since sliced white bread. You know?"

"He hurt you. You said he hurt you." My eyes pleaded with her.

_Please tell me, Bella._

"Slip of the tongue." She was more confident now, like she was mentally preparing herself for this talk. Like she believed her own lies.

_Like she believed his lies._

She sighed, picking up a handful of loose gravel. She started to pitch rocks into the river as she yanked me back into her nightmare with her. "He came in one night after that black tie affair for Vanity Fair. You remember, don't you? The one-"

_The one where I brooded in a corner watching him shove his tongue down your throat the whole night._

"The one that Errol Flynn made an ass of himself."

"Errol is always making an ass out of himself, Bella. He does that at parties."

_Kind of like Jacob._

"Anyway, I went home early. We had that Harper's shoot early the next morning. Do you remember now?"

_Ahhh, yes. Two months ago. The one where he had a blonde on each arm after you left._

"Yes, yes, go on," I encouraged, lighting up a cigarette. I needed one.

Bella looked relieved that I remembered, and she pressed on, "I was in bed and he walked in, drunk as usual. He told me how gorgeous I was, told me how I made him feel. I told him to go away, I was tired and I couldn't look puffy in the morning. I tried to be nice, but dammit, some of us have to get up early for work sometimes. The nicer I was, the more he took it as….encouragement. And that's when he started pulling at my nightclothes…"

Bella trailed off, then locked her gaze with mine, forcing a delicate smile. She didn't have to finish. I knew what Jacob had done.

_Fucking asshole._

My hands, my arms, my legs, my core…it all turned to venomous fury.

_I will kick his motherfucking ass._

I was a raving lunatic. I knew what he had done to her and it made me nauseous. I only imagined tearing his limbs off one by one. The volcanic ferocity that rocked me was almost unbearable. Almost uncontrollable. Everything began to get hazy.

_Bringing my right into his stubborn jaw. His head flying back. Bringing my left into his stomach. Making him wretch his guts everywhere. Blood everywhere. Motherfucker._

Bella noticed the unadulterated seething that was burning into my soul. I was capable of killing Jacob with my bare hands.

Jacob was physically bigger, but I had more on him. I had a reason.

_Knocking his ass to the ground. Pounding my fists into his face, one right after another. Blood everywhere._

She reached up, letting her fingers run down my face. "He's not that guy, Edward. I know Jacob-"

_Punching him till his lifeblood ran out._

Without a thought, I grabbed Bella by her upper arms and shook her, "He hurt you! Do you understand that? Without your consent!" I was screaming. At the top of my lungs. I was out of control. "Do you fucking comprehend what he did to you, Isabella? Do you?"

Crazed was a better term for my behavior.

_CULLEN GET A GRIP! YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER! _

_You're scaring her._

She was terrified. Of me. Of my insane fit-pitching. Of my rage.

I released her arms. My eyes betrayed me. Tears were falling. And they weren't Bella's. They were my own.

_My anger at Jacob. My anger at Bella for justifying it. My fear of my own capability to kill another human being. Get it together, Cullen. Keep it together for her. Fake it on five…_

"I understand. But I'm his wife. It's my job. Whether I like it or not, Edward. Do you understand me? I'm his wife!"

_5…_

"That doesn't mean he can have his way with you when you don't want it," I spit venomously.

_4…_

She brought her hands to my face. Wiping away my tears with her gentle hands. Consoling me.

_3…_

"When he took me that night, just like every other night, I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. Just so I could get through it."

_2…_

I ran my hand through my hair, deflated. "You pretended it was me doing those things to you?"

_I can't fake it…I can't fucking stand it. The way he touches you. With no love. No feeling. Only a dog could do that to you. An animal. Don't you see that, Bella?_

She flinched. I was like a bee stinging her over and over with the truth.

She shook her head, "He didn't do anything to me that I didn't concede to."

I sighed with deep resignation, "You can tell yourself all the lies and bullshit you want, Bella."

_Sting._

I continued, "Call a spade, a spade, for fuck's sake!"

_Sting._

"I AM! I am saying he is my husband and it was my duty to do what I did!" she yelled, her eyes forged of cold, hard steel. I didn't like that look in her eyes. They were the eyes of a dead soul.

I grabbed the sides of her face, "You are MINE! He WILL NOT hurt you again! Do you understand me ISABELLA SWAN?"

Then she did something so random, so unheard of in our current situation that I didn't know how to react. Maybe that was her point. Diversion.

She smiled. A look of such pleasure. It was almost scary.

_Like a dead soul awakened by life._

"You silly fool," she smiled delicately, running her fingers through my hair, "I was always yours. I could only get through sex within the walls of my marriage by pretending it was you. I always just imagined your face, your hair," She buried her face into my chest, "your smell. I pretended it was you. Because it's always been you, Edward."

I wanted to hold her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and wish us away to another place. But there was a time for that. And this wasn't it. I was mad as hell. And I couldn't get myself to do any of those things.

I brought my hands to her face, pushing away from her grasp, "I take back what I said earlier…at the hotel."

_You're not going back._

"What are you talking about Edward?"

_Not to him. Not. Ever._

"I don't want you going back there." I replied dully.

_She can't go back. She can never go back._

"There's no going back, sweet man." She pulled at my shirt. "Let the past stay in the past." Bella began unbuttoning my blue cotton shirt. She wasn't crying anymore. She looked almost…relieved.

Another secret. Purged. For her.

_Another reason. For me. To hate Jacob. _

Rage still ebbed and flowed through my veins like a sinister poison. I pulled away from her coy grasp and strode to a poor, defenseless shade tree. I had to take it out on something.

I pulled back my fist and let go. Let go of the fear.

_BAM!_

I funneled every ounce of rage into my punch. The hard bark crashed into my fist. The pain was excruciatingly beautiful.

_His fucking face._

I rammed the other fist into the skin of the tree again. Bark splintered off the body of the tree as I made contact with my left fist.

_Blood everywhere._

Images of Jacob touching Bella was gut-wrenching. It made me pull back my right again. Before I knew it, something was preventing me from pummeling into the large piece of timber a third time. Bella's limp body hung onto my elbow. My breath was ragged and uneven. Reality came flooding back to me.

"What are you doing Isabella?" I growled. Bella released my elbow, brought my face towards hers again, and positioned my quivering body in front of her. She stepped one foot back and smiled that small grin again. But this time the smile wasn't forced.

I was trying like hell to steady myself. To calm the storm that had turned into a hurricane inside of me.

The cold in Bella's eyes softened into melted chocolate. She tugged lightly at the flimsy ties around her neck, "I want you to forget about everything."

She pulled me back into her reality kicking and screaming. I didn't want to leave the black place I was visiting. I wanted to hate. To avenge. To kill.

And she knew it.

Bella unzipped the side of the bodice.

_Zziiiiipppppppp._

"I want you to forget all about him right now, and concentrate on me." The dress fluttered to her feet, revealing her beautiful naked form.

_Not now, Bella. Please, love, let me be angry. _

She continued, lifting my hands to her breasts, "The only way for that to happen is if you take me right now. You are so full of raw, pure aggression and I want you to take it out on me. I want you to take me, right here. On the grass."

_I don't want to take anything…_

I smirked dropping my hands from the hot pillows of flesh that I adored, "Do you think this is going to fix how I feel?"

_She's as demented as you are, Cullen. _

"I don't know if this will fix you. Hell, I don't know if I want to fix you, because all this energy…all this anger…" Bella trailed off as she pressed her body into mine.

_Oh, Jesus…_

Her breath was hot and intoxicating against my neck. My jaw tensed as she continued seductively, "Jacob doesn't deserve this much attention. But I do. _I_ deserve all of this pure, genuine power that you have and I believe there are two things you could do about this. You can punch that poor innocent tree over and over until your hands are bloody and broken. Or…"

Bella took my balled up fists into her hands, loosened them, than rested them on her hips.

_Her skin so soft. So creamy and smooth. FUCK! How does she do this?_

I began to make small circles with my thumbs on her skin. She had calmed me down. She had tamed the storm.

Her hands floated to my trousers, unclasping my belt. "Or, you can take all of that moxie and funnel it …"

Her lips caught my Adam's apple.

"To…"

_How the fuck can she _do_ that?_

"Fuck…"

_Her lips on my throat. Awww….goddamn._

"Me…"

_Her hands on my cock._

"Senseless…"

That was it.

I pulled her into me with such force it scared even me. I threw her agile body onto the soft flannel blanket I had under the tree. Quickly, I had her underneath the weight of my body. I didn't even bother to pull my pants off.

She was breathing hard, her hands on my face. "Don't think. Just fuck."

_Don't worry, I won't. _

This time there was no foreplay. No admissions. Nothing. She wanted it. And I was going to give it to her.

"Look at me Edward." My faraway gaze pummeled into hers. She was full of fire and desire. We had made love so many times and she looked more turned on than any other time I took her.

I slid into her. She was hot, wet, and felt so fucking good.

I smiled a villain's grin at her. "Goddamn, how do you do this? How do you take me from being pissed off to…to…"

"Shut-up, Edward. Just shut the fuck up and pound me, you silly man." Her legs pulled me closer to her. Every time I thrust into her, she would meet me halfway pounding me right back. Such fervor. Such strength. I felt like a million dollars between her thighs. She made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered in her life.

_You are the only thing that she cares for, Cullen. That fact is unusually evident._

The river raged on next to us, as both of us became overtly aware of each other. I took in the brown of her eyes as I poured myself into her. She tightened her grip around my waist, pulling me into her, as she arched her back. The walls of her core tightened in a death grip around my cock.

It was an explosion of infinite proportions. All my pent up fear, anger, and insecurity washed away as I lay in her arms. Her hands ran the length of my bare back sending chills through every cell of my body.

_Soothing. Diversion._

We were both shaking. I propped myself up on my elbows to take my weight off of her body. "You are a fucking phenomenal woman, Isabella Swan."

"You're not so bad yourself, Edward." She replied giggling. She continued, "Now, don't you feel so much better. Fight or fuck? I'd take fucking any day of the week. It takes the same amount of energy and its more fun."

I rolled off of her, curling the blanket around her nude body. She wrapped it around her self, then propped herself up to look at me as I laid on my back allowing the sun and cool air of the day to permeate my skin as I regained my breathing pattern. She began to finger the light hair on my chest as I zipped up my slacks.

"It's getting late." She replied. The sun was no longer high in the sky. Twilight had begun to dance on the horizon.

"You want to go somewhere tonight?" I asked, a glimmer playing into my smile.

"I want to do something I haven't done since I was in Forks." Bella said sitting up.

"What's that?" Her excitement was rubbing off on me.

"Let's go to a movie!" She squealed in delight.

"Buttered popcorn. Soda pop."

"Sex." Bella smiled smugly.

I rose an eyebrow skyward, "Sex, huh? Do they serve that on the refreshment menu?"

"It's on _my_ refreshment menu." Her eyes dropped down to the ground coyly as she rubbed her hand up and down my inner thigh.

With the cinema consuming my thoughts, Jacob had hidden himself into a deep dark, recess of my mind. Right next to him, rubbing its hands in anticipation, sat the anger that could easily fester into another raging hurricane.

_**Because I am that needy girl…leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! And **__**thanks for reading!**_

_***Smooches & Stars!***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

**Chapter Fifteen ~**

We didn't make it to the five o' clock showing at Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

Bella's cherry red fuck-me pumps drove me insane as I thrust into her. Her right leg was pulled up over my shoulder, giving me extreme access to plunge deeper. Every time I thrust, Bella made sure that that red fucking heel slapped me in the face.

"Deeper. All of you, baby." She gasped.

_You want deeper? Try this._

Bella screamed in ultimate pleasure, arching her back. Beads of sweat from my forehead dotted her chest.

_Her glorious fucking tits. Bouncing with every. Fucking. PASS. OF MY COCK._

She was the ultimate sex goddess that I worshipped on my hands and knees with relentless erotic passion. She had me in seductive shackles that kept me in her clutches every waking moment.

_And goddamn I loved it._

She ground her hips into mine. She was almost there. I could tell now. Her screams were becoming whimpers.

"God, I love you woman."

"You love me…you love my tight fucking pussy wrapped around your cock."

_Keep talking._

I loved it when she talked to me like that. The woman knew exactly what I liked.

_Fucking dirty-talking little-_

"You love my hips grinding into yours. I love feeling you fuck me ihard/i."

_That's it baby…_

Bella and I screamed together in the heat of our climax.

I brought her long leg down off of my shoulder, digging my fingers into it as I laid it down on the bed. Bella began to laugh. The way her body felt as it convulsed into fits of laughter sent my already-throbbing cock into its second wind.

_How does she do that? How can I keep up?_

I rolled myself off of her, my cock at half-mast. "What's the joke?"

"Nothing. No joke. You are just fucking amazing. You leave me giddy every time." Bella turned towards me, propping herself on her elbow, then she continued, "You like the heels?"

I smirked. She remembered. She knew I loved those goddamn fuck me pumps.

"I love those heels. Anything that graces your exquisite body, I love." I ran my hand up the slope of her curves. She moaned as I ran my hand over her hips down to her sultry bottom. I trailed my finger down the V-shape of her pelvis. Watching her face relax into an expression deeply rooted in sex was pure exhilaration. A cool breeze blew through the large bedroom window, sending up the billowy cloud of curtains. The sun glinted mesmerizingly through the angled glass, causing tiny shards of sunlight to shimmer over her body like crystals, making her look like she was dusted in glitter.

If I could bottle this shit up…

_You bottle that shit up every time you take her picture, Cullen._

Not that expression though.

Suddenly, like a light bulb shattered into a million tiny pieces in my head, my eyes brightened and I bounded off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Bella inquired, sitting herself up, shocked at my sudden movement.

I threw my white dress shirt at her. "Put this on."

I grabbed my camera off the dresser, checking for film. Bella put on the dress shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. I noticed she grabbed her gold tube of fire engine red lipstick from her night stand and applied it with a skilled hand.

_Those fucking red, pouty, sex lips. To match her fuck-me heels._

The trail of exposed skin from her throat to her pelvis was spectacular. The sun caught the sheen of sweat that glistened off of her sensuous ravine between her breasts beautifully. She positioned herself behind the effects of the white sheer curtains. As the wind picked up, I shot several frames of her seducing smile peaking above the soft pillows of the billowing fabric. She crossed her legs and dipped at the knees a bit, weaving her arms above her head, catching her flowing locks in her hands as her arms crossed above her head. She turned her head to the right, tucking her chin in, but keeping her eyes locked seductively at the camera.

She knew exactly what I wanted.

_So fucking extraordinary._

"I can't say it enough, how beautiful you are." I snapped eight more frames. She smiled at me knowingly, and then held up her hand. "Stop!"

I pulled the camera from my face as she continued, "I have an idea." She began tugging at the overstuffed armchair that sat in the corner of the room towards the window.

I pushed it the rest of the way for her. The chair was now facing me. Bella sat down, draping her left leg over the left arm of the chair, allowing her right leg to stay in place in front of the chair. She leaned into the cushions, propping her arm behind her.

"Ready?" she asked me slyly.

_I'm always ready, baby._

As if on her cue, a breeze blew through the window as she tilted her chin towards me, bringing her finger into her mouth. She bit at the nail, allowing her tongue a little taste of her finger.

_Fuck me running._

I was hard in an instant. No doubt about that one.

Bella's cheeks turned into a rosy red flush. As soon as she saw my hard-on, her full sex-soaked lips curved into a full-blown wicked leer.

_So fucking sexy._

She sat up straight in the chair bringing her leg down from the arm, drawing her knees together, her right hand flying to her mouth in a surprised O-gesture, her shoulders squeezing together to form the best cleavage I had ever seen. Her eyes were wide in shock, playing the whole scene.

"You are fucking brilliant, love." I declared as the sheer curtains continued to dance around her. Bella's hair was in sexy disarray. Her facial expressions were priceless.

And my cock thought so too.

"I think your little friend thinks I'm pretty goddamn brilliant too, Mr. Cullen."

_Holy hell, there she goes with the Mr. Cullen crap that I love so fucking much._

I continued to snap pictures as she walked towards me. The way she looked should've been a goddamn crime somewhere. It was probably illegal in twenty-six states.

My cock twitched in response to her voice.

_Fucking Pavlov's dog._

Bella caught the twitch. "He thinks I'm pretty damn sexy too."

I continued to snap pictures as she neared me.

_Those lips. Those eyes._

"Take pictures of us." She cooed as I brought the camera down from my face. Her breath blew hot on my cheek as I bent down to meet her ravishing red lips.

She whispered seductively as she reached for the camera, "I want to take pictures of us. Of you."

For the first time in my life, I let go of my camera willingly.

Bella began to kiss the underside of my jaw line. She raised the camera to face us and…

_Snap._

"I am not the only beautiful one in this room," she replied. Her lips continued to graze my neck.

_Snap._

I brought my hands to her shirt-clad shoulder. As I gently pulled it down, I heard the camera snap again as my lips made contact with her bare shoulder.

_Suspending us in time. Forever._

"Bella," I whispered as she pulled me to the bed. She had the camera focused on my face.

_Snap._

"You look…you look…like a beautiful piece of art. Like someone carved you out of marble. Exceptionally exquisite." She cooed over the camera lens. She continued snapping the camera's shutter as she backed into the lush pillows. I crawled on all fours toward her through the sea of sheets. Letting my fingers drink from her skin.

She kicked off her red pumps. My dress shirt hung in wispy abandon onto her body, barely covering her pert nipples.

My face was an inch from hers. I felt her hand change directions, snapping our kiss.

"Smile," she whispered as I tongued her bottom lip. My eyes were full of sex as I inadvertently turned to the camera's lens. She licked my cheek and snapped another photo.

I wrapped my hand around the camera, crushing my lips to hers, diverting her attention as I placed it on the nightstand. "Down to business, little girl. No more pictures."

"I never tell you, 'no more pictures,'" she pouted as she pushed my shoulders back from her. I laid my back into the feather-soft mattress. She straddled my hips. The dress shirt clung desperately to her arms, exposing her bare shoulders.

I brought my fingers to her cheekbones.

_So goddamn fine._

"You have no idea how sexy you look right now, Edward, lying here underneath me." Before I knew it she had grabbed for the camera on the nightstand again.

I grinned, "You wicked little vixen!" I struggled underneath her body as she held it high above her head.

She looked at the exposure status than looked back at me, "One more photo, Edward. Then that's it for the roll. I swear."

I stopped struggling and allowed my hands to drop to my sides, "One more? Promise?"

"I swear. Scout's honor." Bella replied holding up two fingers on her right hand.

"You better make it a good one, Ms. Swan."

She giggled as she focused the camera, than set it back next to me, "Oh, I will, Mr. Cullen."

"Aren't you going to take it?"

"I only get one more picture. You said so yourself, it has to be _the_ shot. And I'm not quite ready yet." She looked at me coyly, setting the camera on the nightstand next to me.

She turned herself around in the opposite direction. Her glorious little ass sat on my sternum, facing me.

_Oh, fuck yes._

I suddenly felt warm breath grace my balls. She started at the tip of my cock, and licked down the length with the flat part of her tongue.

_Oh, sweet motherfucker._

Bella took the head into her hot mouth while she grabbed the shaft. Her strides were long and tight along my length as her mouth provided the perfect vacuum around the head, swirling her tongue around and around. I grabbed at her hips. She rocked back and forth while she sat on top of me, matching her strokes and suction to her hip movements.

"God, Bella, you feel so fucking good." My hips began to buck underneath her. With every pass she made, my hips met her thrusts. She let go of my shaft and swallowed me whole. It was like slipping under warm water on a winter's day. I just about died right there as I felt the back of her throat hit the head of my cock as the heat of her mouth enveloped me.

Her long brown hair cascaded over my stomach, tickling my sides, stimulating every nerve ending in my body as she sucked hard, pulled, and released. She did this so many times I thought I was going to pass out from pleasure.

The way Bella was positioned with her back to me I couldn't see her gorgeous face.

_But you can take advantage of the sight of her gorgeous ass._

I had to have some part of me inside of her. I ran two fingers down her spine, following down her ass to her wicked little pool of wetness. I grinned.

_Surprise, baby. _

I plunged two fingers into her core. Her breath hitched as her inner walls contracted immediately around my fingers. She moaned as I began to stroke her. The vibrations from her mouth sent me into a goddamn frenzy. I began to move my hips faster. She dug her fingers into the muscles of my thighs, raking her nails over the skin. She never stopped her rhythm. I matched my finger strokes to her wet passes across my length, pass for pass.

My balls were so tight. I was going to cum any second.

And she knew it.

She sat up straight, tossing her hair over her shoulder, positioning herself to face me again.

"Oh, sweet Jesus, Edward. Look at you. You are so ready to be fucked, aren't you baby?" Her eyes dripped in sexual honey. I nodded dumbly as she reached over to the nightstand. She continued, holding the camera up as she raised her hips from me.

As soon she positioned herself over my yearning cock, I knew what she was going to do with that camera.

_And I don't fucking care. Just fuck me, Bella._

Her wet entrance was right there. All I had to do was thrust my hips into hers. But I waited. A slow whine began to form in my chest.

_Please, love._

She smiled smugly.

"So fucking beautiful, my sweet man." She whispered as she lowered herself onto me giving me what I wanted. Her heat. Her luscious fucking wet heat.

The camera came up to her eye, "Cum with me Edward."

It didn't take long. I ached all over as I allowed the sensation of our release to wash over me. I heard the camera click once.

_Snap._

And I didn't care. 

Rain was coming. I could smell it.

At nine o' clock, we stood outside the Chateau. I looked up at the looming storm clouds, puffing on a Kool cigarette.

"Did you tell Andrew to put the top on the rag top up?" Bella looked up at the sky pulling her black kitten sweater tighter around her shoulders, "It looks like rain."

_She looks hot even in a goddamn sweater and that damn body- tight pencil skirt. _

My gaze shifted to her feet.

_God bless America. And those red fuck-me heels. Again._

I wrapped my arm around her tiny waist, "Worry not, fair maiden. No convertible this evening."

As if cued, Vincent pulled up in a brand new black 1952 Chevy 2-door Sedan. Complete with white-walled tires and fender skirts. He shifted the car into park and hopped out.

Bella squealed, "Did you just get this? Did you buy a damn car for tonight, Edward?"

"Yes, Miss Swan, I did. It's a present. For you."

"Wait! What? Are you joking?" Bella began dancing around the car. Watching her so happy made my heart soar to the moon.

She danced and skipped around the car once more, before I pulled her by the waist into my embrace, "Do you like it? Is it too much? Do you hate me?"

She kissed my nose, "Yes. Kind of. And absolutely not."

Her excited eyes softened as I pushed my lips into hers. Her tongue danced with mine for a brief moment, sending small sparks of electricity through my nerve endings.

My subconscious was whining like a spoiled child.

_Holy hell…can't we just go back upstairs?_

Vincent gave a subtle cough pulling me from my reverie, the new keys dangling from his gloved hand. "Ms. Swan…your chariot awaits, miss." Vincent pulled the driver's side door open for her.

Bella started dancing again underneath my grasp. "Do I get to drive it Edward?" She pulled away from me, bouncing up and down with excitement. I gave her a cheeky grin. Bella took that as a 'yes', immediately grabbing the keys out of Vincent's hand, kissing his chocolate-colored cheek as she slid into the driver's seat.

"If I knew I was getting a kiss from the most gorgeous woman on the planet I would've paid more attention to the closeness of my shave," Vincent laughed, shaking his head and shutting Bella's door.

I opened up the passenger's side door, sliding into the front seat with Bella, getting as close to her as I could, wrapping my left arm around her shoulders.

I turned my attention to Bella, suddenly serious, "Do you know how to drive?"

"Do I know how to drive? Hang on to something Mr. Cullen." Her tinted red lips gave me a smirk as she pushed the accelerator to the floor, peeling out of the driveway onto Sunset Boulevard.

"Then burn rubber, dollface." I replied propping my Converse-clad feet up on the new dashboard.

She rolled down her window, letting the damp air envelope us as she put as much asphalt between the Chateau and us as she could. The impending rain smelled so sweet and delicious. I closed my eyes for a split second to relish in the scent. The breeze mixed with her smell was thought-provoking.

_Fucking Bella in the rain. Watching her taut, wet body run the gamut of my cock. Holding on to her perfectly sculpted hips as she pumped up and down. Screaming my name. Telling her how much I loved her. Loved watching her._

My gaze shifted to the speedometer. She really was flying. I watched the speedometer hit fifty-five miles per hour as I placed my hand on her thigh. I ran my fingers up her leg. Her right leg tensed while a small moan escaped her lips. With just that one touch, she slowed the pace of the car to thirty-five. I grinned at her sudden lack of ability to concentrate.

I leaned into her ear and whispered in a husky tone, "Watch the road, love. You don't want to crash do you?" I pulled her earlobe into my mouth, sucked lightly, than released it. I heard her breath come out in a long, torturous sigh. Inwardly, I was doing cartwheels.

_That sigh was for you, Cullen. You make her feel this way._

"Maybe you shouldn't be trying to induce cardiac arrest while I'm driving, Edward." Her voice was so sexy. So goddamn hot. Like hot fudge dripping over mounds of vanilla ice cream.

My hand climbed higher over the tight fabric of her black pencil skirt. Her contours felt fan-fucking-tastic underneath the wool. I couldn't wait to get my hands on her bare flesh.

"Next time, you're driving," Bella countered in a delectable tone, giving me a sly little smile.

"You know where we're going?" I asked innocently, my hand continuing on its own accord, stroking her thigh. I couldn't keep my damn hands off of her. It's like they had a mind of their own.

"Come on Edward. Everyone knows where the passion pits are," she returned giggling, as she turned right onto an unmarked street. The bright lights of the drive-in lured us into its grasp. I fished a dollar out of my jean pocket to hand to the ticket salesman.

When we pulled up to the window of the booth, the young gentleman replied, "One dollar." He peeked into the driver's side window as he waited for Bella to hand him the dollar bill and did a double-take.

_Fuck! Leave it to Howdy-fuckin-Doody to have a brother working at the drive-in on a slow school night to recognize my girl._

"Hey! You're…you're…that pin-up model…Isabella Swan! Right? Am I right?"

_Shit! Think fast, Cullen._

I shrank back away from Bella into the darker recesses of the car, so I couldn't be seen, "No she's not. She gets that a lot, don't you baby?" I replied calmly, taking my sunglasses out of my jacket pocket and putting them on my face.

Bella just smiled apologetically at the kid, saying in her soft tone, "I do. I get that a lot."

_She's only the most looked at glam gal in the country right now, Cullen. What'd you think? No one would recognize her? Half the male population has her body and her gorgeous face hanging up somewhere._

"C'mon Big Daddy, it's her!" He pulled down a small postcard snapshot from his booth and leaned into the window. The kid was pushing me.

_Big Daddy? Christ, I'm not that old._

He was comparing her face to the picture he held in his hand. His eyes shifted nervously when he caught the small blaze from my silver Zippo lighter as I lit up a cigarette.

I ran a hand through my hair, frustrated. This was such a bad idea.

In the corner of my eye, I watched as Bella lit up one of her Pall Malls, taking a drag off of the tube of tobacco. As she pulled the paper from her lips, remnants of her lip stick left a red twinge of color clinging to it with a sexy sheen.

My gaze locked onto the L7. He was watching her with a stupid grin on his face. The kid couldn't pull his eyes off of her lips as she sucked in another drag. My eyes narrowed into slits.

_Wipe the drool from your lips, fella. She's with me._

"For the last time, it's not her kid. Take the money." I leaned over Bella, making my presence visible. I donned a leather jacket and a tight black, T-shirt making me look more foreboding than I actually was. The dark-rimmed sunglasses on my face didn't help either.

Flustered, the red-headed kid took the dollar from Bella's outstretched hand, than waved us through, mumbling, "Have a wonderful time." Bella smiled a large, toothy grin in appreciation and waved.

"You didn't have to scare the poor kid, Edward." Bella gave a disapproving look in my direction as she pulled away from the booth.

"He was ogling you, love."

Bella eyeballed a parking space on the far side of the lot, in a darkened corner, and began heading in that direction.

"All men ogle me. That's why I'm so good at what I do. And let's give true credit where it's due, lover. You do the exquisite work of capturing every moment that these men love to ogle." I could tell by her tone that Bella was amused at the situation. She threw her half burned cigarette out of the open window, than rolled it up. She pulled the vehicle into the empty parking space.

_Not laughing, Bella._

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "Besides, if he had recognized you, he'd be on the telephone faster than you could bat an eyelash with the nearest rag hag. I could already read the headline, 'Isabella Swan Spotted At Passion Pit with Unidentified Man in Leather Jacket and Sunglasses'. How do you think Heidi would faire with that one?"

Bella shrugged with indifference, "Don't know how she would handle that. Don't care."

She put the car in park, turned to me, and leaned into my ear, dropping her sultry voice into a thick whisper, "Now, we didn't get caught and no one will be the wiser…so, do we get to christen our car, Mr. Cullen, or is your jealousy going to turn this whole night south?"

_Jealous? Me?_

"I'm not jealous, just looking out for us. Remember, discretion?" I pouted in the corner of the car, taking another long drag, than flicked the smoke out my window. I rolled up the glass, exhaling the smoke at the same time. I turned the key into its auxiliary position in the ignition and turned on the AM radio. Glenn Miller's _Moonlight Serenade _softly sighed through the new speakers of the car.

"Ok, Mr. I'm-Not-Jealous-Just-Overprotective, do we get to christen the car?" She walked her fingers across the large front seat and up to my ear. My eyelids dipped shut for a brief second as small electrical impulses connected me to Bella.

I couldn't resist her touch and she fucking knew it.

_DRAT!_

I did a quick paranoia-driven scan of the lot to see if anyone was watching, then I locked my gaze back onto hers, taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger, guiding her lips to mine, "Christen the car, Ms. Swan."

_I'm not jealous. Can never be jealous. Not like Jacob._

The crinkle of the new leather crumpled under the shift of my weight as she crushed her lips to mine. Cecil B. DeMille's, _The Greatest Show on Earth _flickered to life on the big screen.

Normally, I lived for the movies. But not tonight. Tonight I lived for Bella. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Bella's hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, secured with a rubber band and a red hair ribbon to match her red belt. I grabbed at the long silky tresses and wound them around my fist, pulling her head back slightly to give me full access of her neck.

She sighed as my lips caressed the curvature of her neck. I planted a small kiss into the soft spot in the center of her throat, "This is supposed to be a really good picture, Mr. Cullen."

I smiled, still grasping her locks in my tightened fist, "I can stop and we can watch the picture, if you would like?"

Bella brought her chin down slowly, than brought her hands to my sunglasses, shedding them from my face to reveal my bright, green eyes. I gave her my sexiest stare that could have ravaged her body all on its own. "My God, you are the sexiest man alive, Edward."

My smirk grew wider as I let my hand fall from her hair, dropping it to her now-exposed knee. My fingers began to slide underneath the binding skirt. Her gaze never leaving mine as my hand floated to her thigh. The heat she emitted was fucking phenomenal as my fingers dug into the soft skin. My fingers found their way towards the source of the heat. She spread her legs as soon as the search party found their destination.

_Wet heat._

I slid two fingers into the pool of my desire and began moving them in and out at a slow teasing pace. The windows began to fog up as our breath began to speed up. Bella leaned into the driver's side door, shimmying up her skirt to the bottom of her ass, allowing me full access to her wicked garden.

She felt so fucking good. Her shallow breaths began to hitch. I knew she was on the edge. She began moving her hips slowly in rhythm with my fingers. She was balancing on the razor edge of a sharp sword. Teetering. Almost there. I could feel her walls begin to close in on me.

Then I did something so cruel, I knew she would make me pay for it later. God, I hoped she would make me pay for it later.

_Not yet, baby._

I slipped my fingers from her delicious center, bringing them to my mouth. I sucked on them with greedy lust. Her eyes blazed as she cried out with a primal snarl. She looked so frustrated, I thought she was going to slap me, or attack me. Either way, I was almost alright with both outcomes. My cock throbbed angrily against the hard denim of my Levi's in response, as her frustrated stare turned into a devious little lip curl.

"You want to play that way, Edward? Make me almost cum, than leave me hanging like that?" Her voice was thick, coated in sexual need and desire.

_Oh, sweet mother of…she's so going to get me for this._

Bella pushed into me with her lips, squeezing the sides of my face with her hands. My eyes fluttered closed as I allowed myself to just feel her touches. Her delicate hands flittered to the collar of my jacket, grabbing hold of it roughly, as she pushed her lips harder into my face. Bella's tongue forcefully plunged its way down my throat. My hands found their way to the sides of her face, pulling her in just as hard as she was pulling at me. She broke the kiss and looked at me with smoldering dark eyes, filled to their brim with lusty angst. I didn't like how she broke the connection with me. I just wanted more of her.

_By the looks of it, she wants to eat you with a spoon, Cullen. One goddamn lick and mouthful at a time._

"Damn, baby." I replied breathlessly. Bella rearranged her skirt, smoothed down her cashmere sweater, and then checked her full red lips in the small rearview mirror, wiping off small traces of red that mussed the corners of her pretty little mouth. She opened the driver's side door and stepped out.

_Where the fuck is she going?_

Bella pulled the large front seat forward, ducked into the backseat, slamming the seat back into its original position, than leaned over to pull the driver's side door shut. With a deep satisfying breath and a delicate smirk, she replied, "We need to check out the backseat interior. Don't you think, Mr. Cullen? It seems a little cozier, a little more private."

I slammed both locks down on the doors, "Don't want intruders."

Bella's lovely little laugh filled the car's interior walls with a wonderful twitter that sent more delectable shockwaves through my being, while I crawled over the new front seat. She grabbed at my jacket, pulling me the rest of the way.

"My sexy candyman…is making such a fuss to get to me." Bella dragged my face towards hers again, planting a sultry wet kiss onto my lips. She freed my jacket from her clutches, allowing me to sit back in the seat next to her.

She draped her long legs across my lap and crossed them at the ankles. I fingered the high shine of red on the stilettos.

"You have a thing for my stilts, don't you baby?"

"You have the most gorgeous gams in the fucking world, Bella. Anything that accentuates that fact, bids well in my book."

I leaned into her slowly, but she grabbed the back of my head, pulling me into her again. A rush surged through me as she peeled the leather jacket from my shoulders. Her hands grazed over my toned biceps that were playing through the thin cotton fabric of the shirt.

I yanked at the large red belt that cinched her waist, pulling it free from her body, sending it to the floor.

The rear window had fogged over so much that you couldn't see into the car if you tried.

I slid both of my hands roughly up her skirt, pushing it up her sleek hips.

_No panties. I love no-panty days._

Bella dragged her nails across my back as she barbarically clawed my shirt off my back. I hissed in response. She smiled sadistically as she pulled away from me. As she broke free from my touch, I whimpered a pitiful whine.

"Take your Levi's off, Edward." I was already taking off my shoes. She didn't have to say it twice.

"What if someone sees us?" I whispered through the dark as she peeled off her sweater and tossed it my way.

"Would you care if someone did see us right now?" Her words were breathless whispers.

_Not in the fucking least._

I shook my head back and forth, "I wouldn't give a shit." I needed to touch her skin. I needed the connection.

She was wearing a black lace bra that made me want to shed tears. Her tits were so fucking beautiful hidden behind the prison of lace that surrounded them.

_Holy fucking hell, there is a God and He loves me._

It was then that we consumed each other in powerful, raging embraces. I ripped at that lace bra, exposing all her pleasurable goodness. I ran my hands down her aroused nipples, cupping her firm breast into my harsh hand. A moan escaped the confines of her little mouth as I brought my lips back to her neck. Her hands entangled themselves into my hair, pulling my head closer into the hot skin of her chest.

"Edward…Oh, Edward…I need you." She slid her ass down the backseat until she was lying down, with her left foot secured on the floorboard.

"You have me Bella." She pulled at my boxer shorts until I felt her hands wrap around my girth.

_Holy shit…_

She positioned my member at her hot entrance. I plunged in immediately, feeling that wet heat envelope my cock, than she did the unthinkable. She backed her hips away from me, smiling. Little fucking vixen.

_And here is my payback…_

"You want that sweet wet pussy, Mr. Cullen? You want what I have to give you?" She wrapped her strong hand around my cock once more, giving it two more forceful passes. I was ready to pass out. I needed to be inside her, I needed the release.

I hovered over her, my face inches from hers, "Let me have it Bella. Please." I whined. Damn, I sounded pitiful.

She gave me the look. The look she saved for every picture. Every frame I had shot of her over the past year. The sexiest goddamn look in the world. No other woman could do it. No other woman, save my Bella.

I felt her hand release me.

_No, don't let go!_

I felt her fingers push into her own core.

_Nooo…touch meee…._

My inner-self was whining so loud I thought he would find a voice of his own.

Her eyes fluttered shut, "Oh, gaaawwdddd, Edward." Her hips bucked underneath the pressure of her own palm. She looked so goddamn fine.

"Bella," I whispered in a raw state of pained torture, "Bella, let me do it," I begged.

She was relentless, her eyes locking on mine, "You like to be teased, right Edward?" She pulled out her two fingers and rubbed them softly along the underside of my balls. The wet trail she left behind was indescribable.

I whined…out loud. God, it was fucking torture. Her touch was driving me up a wall. I pinched my eyes shut, trying to keep my sanity in tact.

"Next time you decide to tease me like that, Edward, think about this moment. Think about that ache in the pit of your balls that can _only_ be satiated by being inside of _me_." She grabbed hold of my cock again, rubbing it up and down at her wet entrance until the tip was drenched in her sweet nectar, than brought it to her clit. She began to work the tip of my cock over her engorged sex pillow. Without thought, I began to thrust my hips, my cock lay hard and ready, working its way between the folds of her pussy.

She was so wet. So fucking ready for me.

Between her ever-loving moisture, the raw friction, the intense heat, her breathless gasps pulsating into my neck, and the closeness of her sex, I was pushing the ultimate boundaries to a deeper sense of insanity.

I growled ferociously, the sound coming from the depths of my chest.

I needed to be in her.

_FUCK DAMMIT! _

Bella began to buck with wild abandon under my weight. I took satisfactory pleasure in the fact that she was going as insane as I was.

"Are you ready?" Her eyes were bright in anticipation.

In response, I grabbed her hips and thrust inside her.

Deep. Hard. Beautiful. Pleasure.

She cried out in a mix of what seemed like pleasure and pain.

"You _ever_ tease me like that again, Bella…"

_*THRUST*_

I.

_*THRUST*_

WILL.

_*THRUST*_

FUCK.

_*THRUST*_

"YOU."

"Edward…Oh, gaawwwddd, Edward….you are fucking amazing!" Her walls crushed my cock in multiple pulsing strangulations.

"UNTIL."

And I kept going. Filling her with my entire length. She fit me so perfectly.

"YOU."

Pounding into her over and over. My sweat dripped onto her bare breasts.

"CAN'T WALK FOR DAYS!"

_Ah….ah…oh, Jesus….yes….ahhhhhhhhh…_

I collapsed onto her chest in a sweaty heap.

"Do you promise?" Bella's finger began tracing calming designs into my back muscles.

I chuckled, kissing the inside of her right breast, "I promise."

We lay in each other's arms, just regaining some semblance of calm before separating.

Once we were calm, dressed, and sitting upright, I broke the comfortable silence, "Want a hot dog? It's intermission."

"I thought I already got one of those?" She shot an eyebrow skyward.

"You got me there." I chuckled slipping my Converse back on my feet. I continued, "You want something? Anything?"

"We'll make it easy, I'll go with you. I want a smoke." Bella said excitedly. She retrieved a brush from her black vinyl tote and brushed through her hair with an expert hand, throwing it back up into a ponytail. As she applied her red lipstick, I noticed how radiant she looked. She rustled through her bag once more, pulling out a small compact and powdered her nose.

"Bella, we're just going to the refreshment stand." I laughed lightly.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Let's go Mr. I'm-In-A-Hurry."

As soon as I opened the passenger side door, I wanted to crawl back into the back seat.

I was met with the pop of a flash bulb.

And fucking Howdy-Doody's brother.

_Mother fucker._

_**Leave me some type of luvin'. You guys know I need it ;)**_

_**You are the effin' best! Luv ya much! And **__**thanks for reading!**_

_***Smooches & Stars!***_

_**~Cozzy**_


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**Thanks & Much Love: To my girl, my online BFF, my sistah from anotha mistah, CLPSuperStar. You are Fuck-Awesome girl! Thank you for filling in as my Beta, while my sister went to go play in Vegas. ;)**

**A very special, love-soaked thank you to Lillie Cullen! She is the ultimate Bunny! She reviewed this little fanfic on her blog last week, secret (dash) twilight (dash) garden (dot) blogspot (dot) com . Please visit her and her wonderful Lesson stories! Love you bunches Lillie! *MUAH***

****_**Disclaimer from Mary (Mama Cougar):**_

**WARNING:**** The Surgeon General has determined that reading **_**The Pin-Up Girl**_** can lead to excessive panting, sweating, sharp increases in libido, incontinence, drooling, pallor, and a distinct lemon taste in the mouth. ****Read with caution**** and possibly a pair of Depends undergarments.**

**Chapter Sixteen ~**

The sounds of popping bulbs filled my eardrums, the flash of light burned into the core of my retina. Dust mote sized flickers danced within my eyesight.

_The shit-end of the beating stick…that's what this is._

I shielded my eyes from yet another flashbulb pop. I tried to decipher how many people were standing around watching the current debacle. My eyes adjusted favorably to the flashes within moments of the bright cascading light. I scanned the small whispering, smiling crowd of mostly teenagers. Ten, maybe fifteen kids. Not a huge group. Nothing I couldn't handle as long as Bella stayed in the damn car.

Unfortunately, Bella had other ideas about the situation.

I heard her sex-filled rag hag voice, the one she saved for her fans and the press. The one voice they all loved, as she stepped out of the backseat of the car, "Why, hello! Such a fuss over little ol' me?" In my peripheral vision, I watched Bella's hands fly to her chest in mock embarrassment.

I turned to face her, ready to throw her ass back into the car, as another sharp blast of flashbulb hit my vision.

I turned towards her smiling face, "What the hell are you doing Isabella?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Saving face, Edward. I've been on this side of the camera. You haven't. Watch your little vixen work her magic." Bella smiled and waved at the lone photographer who stood smiling next to Howdy Doody.

I clenched my fists into tight balls.

_I'll fucking kill him. Red-headed, freckle-faced piece of shit calling a goddamn rag hag._

"Ms. Swan, this way, dollface. What are you doing at a drive-in with Mr. Cullen?"

"What do all people do at drive-ins, Mister….?" Bella prompted continuing to smile as she placed her hand on my shoulder. She leaned over casually, whispering sharply…beautifully, "Relax, Edward. Things will go smoother if you just smile. Fake it, remember? Besides, there's only one of them. No reporter, just the photographer."

_Relax? RELAX? She must be fucking kidding._

"You want to know my name Ms. Swan?" The photographer responded. Another flash bulb popped and crashed to the ground. He was a tall man, short cropped black hair, gangly. I was having a hard time making him out with a flashbulb going off in my face every thirty seconds.

"Mr. Call. Embry Call, ma'am," he continued a little flustered. The flashbulbs stopped as Bella stepped around me, floating towards the photographer and Howdy Doody. She brought her hands to Howdy Doody's face, caressing the under-side of his jaw gently, giving him her "sex kitten" eyes. She was playing him…playing Mr. Call…playing the crowd.

_She plays the press, like they think they play her. Beautifully._

Her lips were full, her face a little flushed with a hint of red in her cheeks. She looked…perfect. Happy.

_She looks like she's been made love to all damn week, Cullen._

Bella laughed lightly, "Well Mr. Call, first of all, I'm too young to be called 'ma'am' and secondly," Bella took a pen out of the red-headed boy's limp hand beginning to scrawl on his postcard, still smiling, "please call me Isabella."

I watched her beautiful chocolate brown eyes connect with Mr. Call's. She batted her long lashes flirtatiously, her lips curving into her signature smile, which made my lip curl in an undeniable fuck me grin. Bella was the sexiest woman in the world and she was my girl. Capable of handling any man. Including this kid and his photographer.

_Get rid of her husband and she'll be _all_ yours, Cullen. Just how she wants it to be._

_Working on that._

Bella looked so relaxed in the arms of the press. I watched as she graciously flitted around the fan and the photographer like _she_ owned _them_, not the other way around.

She had them eating out of the palm of her hand, and she fucking knew it.

The photographer looked up from his camera at me, "Mr. Cullen, got a comment? Why are you here with Ms. Swan?"

I ran my hand through my hair, "Ms. Swan bought a new car tonight. I only came along for the ride, Mr. Call."

_If only he knew I just got taken on the ride of my life._

My grin grew wider at the thought.

Bella turned back to Mr. Call, playfully slapping his shoulder, "Mr. Call, I told you to call me Isabella, you naughty thing." She shook the ballpoint pen in his direction with a mock disapproving look.

Mr. Call flushed, obviously embarrassed, "Ms. Swan…I mean Isabella," he chuckled, like a shy little boy, kicking at the small patch of dirt at his feet.

_She is one smart dame._

As Bella handed the red-headed boy back his pen she touched the side of his face gently, "There you go, Sweets. All for you." Bella called all boys 'Sweets'. Each and every one of them ate it up as if it were the best cherry flavor-blasted candy they were allowed to devour. She allowed her fingers to linger along Howdy Doody's cheek a moment too long. The boy turned seven shades of red in the matter of a split second. Bella had rendered him speechless, like all the others.

Bella turned her little snake-charming skills towards Mr. Call, continuing, "Since it's just you, Mr. Call, do you think you can show me your beautiful camera? Being a pin-up doesn't necessarily allow me the right to fondle Mr. Cullen's camera whenever I want and I would love to hold one." Her fingers played with the top of his camera, than she continued with a flirtatious expression, "I mean this one is _so_ big and it looks unusually heavy."

I saw the inner workings of Bella's corrupt little mind as she threw it into overdrive. I knew where she was going with this song and dance number and it fucking thrilled me beyond the moon. The beginnings of a twinkle began to glimmer in my eyes as she continued to bat her lashes, smile that dangerous snarl, and float her dainty fingers over the camera's metal and plastic parts.

_Brilliant girl._

Mr. Call did what she asked. Without a question or a look of concern, he handed her his fucking camera. Poor devil had no idea what was about to unfold.

The bulk of the load fell into Bella's hands. Turning her attention my direction, she gave me a look of feigned shock, her voice filled in mock surprise, "My goodness, Mr. Cullen, no wonder you photographers have such big muscles. This is so heavy."

I suppressed the guffaw that was forming in my chest. She was good. That's all there was to it.

My cock began to throb again in excited somersaults as I connected with Bella in that one look. Electricity sparked like fireworks on the Fourth of July between us. Bella's gaze travelled to the crotch of my jeans. She gave a teasing little smirk, than positioned her body in front of me so no one else could tell my cock was in the first stages of its erection.

I had to do something about the monster in my pants.

_Edith Head…naked._

That did it.

Cock, shackled and chained to the wall in a limp mess.

Mr. Call paid no mind to my little predicament, thank God. His full attention was on Bella's balancing act with the camera. He began to fidget, getting unusually nervous at the lack of handling experience Bella had with the pricey piece of equipment.

She looked back at Mr. Call, reaching out to hand him his camera back, but instead of handing it to him, she tripped over her own two feet, stumbled, allowing the camera to crash to the dirt. The camera shattered into a million pieces at her feet. Bella's delicate hands flitted nervously to her mouth, "OH MY! Mr. Call, please forgive me!"

_SCORE ONE FOR THE TEAM! THE CROWD GOES WILD! AHHHHHHH!_

Mr. Call's face was a priceless piece of artwork in and of itself as the guts to his camera lay strewn across the drive-in's parking lot. I almost felt sorry for the poor bastard as he bent over it like it was his dying mother, his hands fluttering nervously over its remains. Jackass was in shock.

I ran over to help as much as I could without having hysterical fits of laughter, as Bella crouched over the corpse of the broken and battered camera.

She pulled daintily at the exposed film, pulling it out of the roll, "I'm so sorry Mr. Call." She pulled the film out of the camera with a hard yank, releasing it from the jaws of the roll. She waved it mercilessly in front of Mr. Call's face, "Is it salvageable?"

Mr. Call shook his head back and forth slowly as he gingerly fingered the film, "No, dollface. Not salvageable."

Bella stood up and looked at me, then winked. A wicked little smile gleaned her lips as she spoke directly to me, "Mr. Cullen, could you please do me a gigantic favor? Can you please tell me how much a racket like that costs?" She batted her eyelashes at the forlorn photographer.

"One hundred dollars, Ms. Swan." Mr. Call replied in a monotonous voice still picking at the pieces of his camera.

Ignoring him, I replied, "Three hundred dollars."

And two hundred dollars wasn't going to kill me. Or him. Poor, poor bastard.

I took out my billfold from my denim pocket, taking out a large bunch of bills. I handed it to Bella, who smiled at me knowingly.

She attempted to hand the money bouquet to Mr. Call, who was still kneeling on the ground in his own misery, "Mr. Call, I hope this covers all your expenses. If you have any issues, please call me." Bella snatched the pen from Howdy Doody for a second time, scrawling her number and Alice's name on the back of one of the twenty dollar bills before handing the garden of green to him. Bella waved it in his tortured mug, repeating, "Please phone me Mr. Call if I can help in any other way. I truly am sorry. I hope you forgive me."

Snapping out of his stupor, collecting a handful of camera guts, Mr. Call's attention was suddenly diverted to the wad of cash. Standing up to face Bella, he took it gingerly, like it was going to reach out and bite him, "Uh…this is too generous Ms. Swan…I mean Isabella." Mr. Call's eyes brightened as he began counting the unlimited amount of bills Bella had placed in his hand.

As Mr. Call stood, Bella touched the side of his cheek, "I am sorry Mr. Call. Can you ever forgive little ol' clumsy me?"

Mr. Call's cheeks turned a deep red. I thought he was going to cum in his pants right there. I know I would have.

Mr. Call cleared his throat and began in a shaky voice, "Oh sure, Isabella. It could have happened to anyone. And besides, my camera getting broken by the most gorgeous woman in the world…who could ask for anything more?"

_Wow._

"Oh, Embry, you are the sweetest little thing, aren't you, Sweets?" Bella planted a large red kiss on his cheek, than continued in a breathless whisper, loud enough for everyone to hear, as she pulled away from him, "Oh, Embry, you are such a gentleman."

Bella allowed her fingers to fall gently back to her sides. She turned to meet my waiting arm.

Her giggles were soft and feminine as she weaved her arm into mine, "I thought that went well," she whispered into my ear. Her breath was a gentle reminder to my chained up hard-on. We would have to make a stop before returning to the hotel.

I opened up the passenger side door for her, "Fucking brilliant, Ms. Swan."

Bella slid into the luxurious seat, sliding her legs in, smiling. She was proud of herself and had every right to be.

I slammed the door shut, walked to the driver's side of the car, and looked up at Mr. Call. He locked his gaze with mine, the remnants of his life in one hand coupled with the wad of green he gripped in the other.

The smug glint in my eye became my only evident feature as a look of realization crossed Mr. Call's already dark features. His glare could've cut ice if that were possible.

_Smart broad. Stupid rag hag._

I smirked, the corner of my lip curling upward.

It was time to go.

The best course of action was to leave before someone else showed up. I had had enough for one night.

The impending rain finally broke free as we pulled out of the drive-in's half-packed lot. It was a steady sprinkle. Nothing more.

I was beginning to hate the fact that Bella and I couldn't even leave the safety net of the Chateau Marmont without being recognized. Our first outing had been somewhat a success due in large part to my girl's ability to think one step ahead of everyone else.

I puffed on the cigarette that lay loosely between my lips, never taking my hand off of the steering wheel or Bella. I stroked her silky hair with my free hand, while she snuggled into the side of my body.

In the rearview mirror I watched a few flickering seconds of a three-ring circus play its way onto the screen: white horses, extravagant costumes, and Betty Hutton flying across the screen. It reminded me of the three-ring circus our life had become.

_Our life? Wow, Cullen._

I continued to gently sweep my hand across Bella's soft chocolate locks. I was in my own place of serenity with one simple gesture. That's what the girl did to me.

_She will be my wife. The mother of my children._

The cool, damp wind whipped through the partially rolled down window wafting her scent into my olfactory senses. It felt good just to be near her.

My girl curled up closer to me while the gentle sighs of her contentment filtered through the car's luscious interior. I was the happiest man on Earth. The smooth hum of the wiper blades beating a steady pace across the wet glass mixed with the soft croon of Nat King Cole's _Unforgettable_ and the damp tires crushing the asphalt as we drove in a wet slosh, was pushing me into a comfortable state of mind.

I heard a small growl escape Bella's stomach. A giggle made its way through her lips as I chuckled at the noise. She sat up straight, and stretched her arms above her head. As soon as she broke our connection, I missed her touch terribly. Within a split second, she curled back around me, shaping her body to mine.

"Where are we going?" Bella reached for me with her soft brown eyes.

I looked at the dashboard clock, eleven forty-five.

_We're going to my favorite place in the world._

"I'm going to take you somewhere, Bella. Somewhere so erotic, someplace I have never taken you before. It will be the ultimate experience you will ever have." My grin grew wider at the prospect.

"Oh, it sounds so dirty, Edward." Her eyes gleamed in the darkness as she sat up more erect, her hand still never leaving my leg. Never breaking that physical touch.

I waggled my eyebrows at her in silence as a devious grin glimmered across my lips. Her hand began to crawl up my knee to my upper thigh. Why does she need to do this?

_Awww…Godddd…._

_Edith Head…NAKED!_

That did it...again.

_She thinks this is another sexcapade, Cullen. _

_Oh my dear little sex kitten…even we need a break._

We turned onto Melrose, her excitement at another sexual adventure purely evident. I pulled into a small parking lot off of the busy street, taking the first available spot in the small area.

Pink's Hotdog's near the intersection of La Brea and Melrose was a must on a night like this. It was my kind of comfort food.

The simple white building housed the best hotdogs in the city, if not the world. Hotdogs doused in the best chili, sprinkled with cheese and onions with a huge slab of bacon nested in the bottom of the bun. Heaven.

Bella looked stumped, "You're taking me to a hotdog joint, Edward?"

I laughed, "This is not your average hotdog joint, Bella. This is sex in a bun. Paul Pink makes a hotdog that will make you cum six ways to Sunday. His chili is an erotic experience all on its own. Besides, I'm starving. You're starving. We need sustenance." I put the car into park. She could not deny that she was famished. I felt like I could eat a whole elephant with a side of hyena, so I was almost positive she was hungry too. I continued eyeballing her still disappointed expression, "Trust me, these hotdogs are that good."

Bella's crestfallen features turned into a lovely giggle that filled my stomach with butterflies. I hopped out of the car, running to the passenger's side to get her door. I yanked at the handle with reverie, "Madam?"

Bella stepped out, "Thank you kindly, sir." I took her extended hand, helping her out of the comfortable confines of the luxurious interior.

"Pink's used to be a hotdog cart, started by Paul Pink in 1939. He opened up this place permanently in '46." I explained as we walked through the now light drizzle, to the ordering window. A small line had formed since we pulled up. I hardly noticed the long looks and whispers as we stood behind two boys in jeans and white shirts.

I continued, "And Pink's doesn't close until 2AM. That, love, is always a sign of a good meal."

Bella laughed freely at me. Her grin became a wide toothy smile as she watched the two boys in front of us whispering and pointing. Bella leaned into my ear, "We are going to get busted. You know that right?"

"You'll be able talk us out of any situation. After seeing what you did at the Los Altos Drive-In with that L7 and his photographer, I think you're capable of walking on water."

"Well, well, well, Mr. Cullen, are you acknowledging that your girl has some sort of skill?" Bella batted her eyelashes in my direction. My heart trilled when she acknowledged she was my girl.

I put my arm around her, my confidence building, dropping my voice into a sex whisper as I leaned into her ear, "You better stop the flirting or else I may slam you up against the side of this little establishment and fuck you senseless. You know we haven't had sex in over an hour. Cock-meister needs some air."

Bella threw her head back into the bend of my arm, laughing loudly, "You wicked boy!"

We were impervious to the stares. Her face was beet red as I continued, leaning halfway into her neck this time, "Say it again…tell me what a naughty boy I am and I spring the biggest hard-on you'll ever see."

"Edward, people are staring…" she whispered breathless. I was getting to her. Her eyes were dark as she motioned to the two kids in front of us and the line behind us. Their stares of recognition pulled me back into reality.

"Ok, ok…" I pulled my head out of her neck, pulling away my arm from her delicate shoulders, the corners of my mouth pulled up into a villainous leer, "I'll behave."

Bella grabbed my arm and swung it back around her shoulders, "That doesn't mean you can stop holding me, Mr. Cullen."

"Yes, ma'am." I replied hugging her body closer to mine. She was so soft. She allowed her body to relax into my side again, like she did in the car. Damn, she felt so good next to me.

Bella looked up at the gray clouds that hung heavily overhead, "This reminds me of Forks. It rained like this all the time. Slow, steady drizzle. Never a dry day."

The light mist fell delicately over her made up skin. She was a glorious wonder. And God showered her in his love, just like I had done over the past eight days.

I cleared my throat, "You never talk about Forks. What was it like?"

Bella sighed heavily. I didn't know if this was good or bad. I pressed on, "That good huh?"

"Oh, it was okay. Nothing spectacular. One horse town. My dad is the sheriff. Edward, you already know all this. What about you? Have you always lived here?" We inched closer to the order window. The stares of our neighboring patrons were beginning to subside. Or were we just so wrapped up in each other, we weren't noticing anymore?

"Bred, born and raised here, love." I lightly tapped her nose with my forefinger, "And you already know that. Ask me something you don't know."

"Alright, favorite color?"

I thought of Bella in her electric blue gown she wore to the Harper's Bazaar party. Bella draped over a navy blue piece of velvet in her June cover shoot for Eyeful magazine. Bella in her blue Coco Chanel suit at the Derby, "Blue. You?"

"Emerald green." Her voice dropped to a shy whisper, as she brought her eyes to mine.

"Favorite smell?" Bella asked genuine interest residing in her voice.

"Your skin," I replied almost too quickly.

"My skin?" She looked a little shocked by the statement.

"You smell like a strawberry field in May dabbled with a touch of vanilla cream."

"God, Edward, you make me sound like a sundae from Rexall's," she laughed as we approached the window.

I leaned into her once more, "I like eating sundaes."

Bella's contagious giggle subsided while we approached the order window. A young kid in a paper hat and white apron stood there expectantly, "What'cha want, Mac?"

I looked at the menu, "Two chili cheese dogs, an order of French fries, and two tamales."

"Drinks? Or you plan on letting your girl slosh all this food down dry?" The kid chewed the tip of the pencil.

I turned to Bella, "Coke, root bear, 7-Up?"

"Coke," She replied smiling.

The kid squinted through the window looking at the two of us. He had sandy blonde hair, clear complexion, and high cheekbones. Good-looking kid. His nametag screamed 'Johnny' in big bold, black letters.

"We'll take two Cokes."

"Six fifty, Mac." Johnny replied.

I rummaged around my pocket with my free hand, retrieving a ten-dollar bill. As Johnny took it from me, he scrutinized my face a little too closely. His gaze shifted from mine to Isabella's, and then he called, "Hey Paulie!"

An older gentleman, in his early forties, walked over wiping his hands on a white terry cloth dish rag, "What's wrong Johnny? This fella givin' ya problems?"

"Nah Paulie…check out who's at our window?" Johnny gestured at Bella and me.

I raked my hand through my hair, over my scalp, watching Bella from my peripheral vision, trying to gauge her reaction. She was smiling widely at both gentlemen.

We would have to come out sooner or later.

_When in Rome, do as the Romans do._

Paulie squinted through the window as Johnny had. A large grin took over his pre-maturely aged face. He started shaking his finger up and down, "Yea, yea…she's that broad. The pretty little broad on all those rag mags, right? The one on my wife's copy of Harper's Bazaar or whatever damn magazine she subscribes to. And you…" Paulie then turned his finger to me, "…you're her photographer, right? That famous fella who takes snapshots of all the movie stars, right?"

I laughed, nervously, "Yea, we're them. I'm-"

In confirmation, Johnny interrupted, "Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan, right?"

I unwrapped myself from Bella, pushing my right hand through the order window, "At your service, gentleman."

Paulie shook it enthuastically, "I'm Paul Pink. I go by Paulie. This is Johnny McCann, hot dog extraordinaire and struggling actor. Can we get your picture for our wall of fame with a dog?"

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged at Bella, whose lips were smiling but whose eyes screamed out in horror at my sudden interest in all the attention.

_I know… I've flipped my lid._

Paulie motioned for us to come through the front door. We walked into the warm establishment, assaulted by the most wonderful smell. Chili, hotdogs and grease.

Before we could get in a word, Johnny handed us each a chili-soaked hot dog. Paulie jumped in between Bella and me, wrapping a thick arm around each of us, "Smile kids."

The small flash bulb sparked as the camera snapped the photo.

Paulie released us and turned to me, "When these get developed I would love to have your John Hancock's before I put 'em up."

"We'll come back," I promised.

Johnny handed us a bag of food and shoved the cash I had given him in my hand, "It's on the house, Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Pink. Thank you Johnny." Bella stood on her tiptoes to give Johnny a peck on the underside of his jawline, than grabbed Paulie Pink into a hug.

"Don't forget about tomorrow, kids."

I smiled at Paul Pink and Johnny, "Won't forget, sir."

As Bella and I walked out of the hotdog joint back into the misty weather, I heard Paul Pink reply, "Good kids. Nice couple."

My heart soared.

We had a good time. Drive-in sex, chili-soaked hotdogs, and a run-in with the paparazzi, what more could a guy ask for.

Andrew looked up from his book as Bella and I approached the desk, "Good evening Mr. Cullen."

Andrew shuffled through several small scraps of paper and put them down in front of me on the cherry wood desktop, "Messages, sir."

"Messages?" I asked. A V-shaped crease puckered between my eyebrows at my inquisition. No one knew I was here but Heidi.

I looked over at Bella, "Anyone know you're here?"

She looked down at the floor, replying quietly, "Just Alice."

I let out a slow deliberate breath with a heavy heart…my sister knew.

Bella looked up apologetically, "Edward, Alice is my assistant, my make-up artist, my fashion queen, and…and…my best friend."

"And my nosy sister. I'm surprised she hasn't shown up here yet." I pinched the bridge of my nose, squashing my eyelids closed. My brain had the sudden urge to pop its skin. I could feel a small aneurism coming on. If Alice knew where to find Bella, that meant my whole family knew.

"Discretion…" I mumbled more to myself than to anyone else.

Bella let go of my hand, "Discretion is futile when we are as famous as we are. How long did you think it would be before people found out? Especially family, Edward. Your family." I opened my eyes as her words made themselves comfortable within a small reality crevice in my brain.

"Discretion is of the essence, Bella." I replied quietly.

"You want to talk to ime/i about idiscretion/i?" Bella's voice turned to a strained hush, "I think you blew that one wide open while we were in line at Pink's Hotdog stand. Holding me close. Whispering in my ear. Burying your head into my neck. In front of about twenty people. Then, proceeding to have our picture taken for Paul Pink's Wall of Hotdog Fame? Jesus, Edward, really? Discretion was tossed out the window as soon as we left this hotel."

She was right. I'm the one who put our business out there for everyone to see tonight.

I looked into her molten chocolate eyes, "I'm sorry. I'm not mad. I just didn't even think you would tell Alice."

I looked back at Andrew who quietly went back to reading his book, "Thank you Andrew." I slipped a twenty-dollar bill across the smooth wood counter. I wanted to finish this conversation within the quiet walls of the room. Not in front of the evening manager.

Andrew peeked over his book, looking from the piece of paper back to me, smiling, "That is unnecessary Mr. Cullen. I believe I made myself clear last week when I said that your discretion is my number one priority. The number one priority of the Chateau."

"Andrew-" I began.

Andrew cut off my sentence before it had a chance to begin, looking from me to Bella, then back to me, still smiling, "Mr. Cullen, I have never seen two people more enamored with each other in my years here. Forgive me for being so bold, sir, but most individuals who room with us are individuals when they leave, just as they came in, regardless of whether or not they roomed together. You two, on the other hand, checked into the Chateau alone, as individuals, but as fate would have it, you will leave here together as one."

Andrew pushed the bill back at me with a slow hand, locking his gaze onto mine, "I have had maid service clean your room while you were away and they have left fresh towels. Would you like anything else this evening?"

I was stunned. I didn't even have the capacity to say anything. Here was someone looking at us from the outside. Someone who did not know Bella or me, from Adam. Someone who had watched us with careful, almost scrutinizing eyes over the past eight days, and had made the educated decision that we were meant for each other.

I was astounded.

Bella cleared her throat, interlacing her fingers with mine, "Andrew that was the first time you have called me Ms. Swan." I looked over at her. She was beaming.

Andrew's grin grew wider, "It will never happen again, Ms. Stewart."

I had sifted through the messages while Bella bathed. Eleven messages. All from one person.

Emmett.

Message one through seven simply said, Mr. Cullen, please phone Mr. Emmett Cullen.

Message seven through eleven stated in big, bold letters, EMERGENCY, call Mr. Emmett Cullen promptly upon return.

I picked up the receiver of the black telephone. It weighed at least two hundred pounds as I dialed Emmett's home. If he knew where I was and with whom I was with, he would have my ass in a sling.

Not that he hasn't been in my predicament. He knew what it was like to be in my shoes.

The line barely rang once, "Hello?"

"Since when do you answer your own phone?" I demanded putting myself on the defensive.

"Since I have to call my brother ten times before he decides to call me back," Emmett retorted in a hot tone.

"Eleven times," I corrected, getting irritated.

"Are we going to argue over trivialities, Edward?" Emmett sighed.

"Get to the point, Em…"

He sighed. Again. Infuriating me even more, "You know why I'm calling, Edward. It took me fifty threats and finally one set of Coco Chanel high-heeled shoes from Paris to get her to tell me where my big brother was hiding out. Now, I need to know if you are with iher/i?"

"With Alice? I haven't seen her in a week."

"Don't be coy with me, Edward. Dammit, this is dangerous shit you're getting yourself into."

My blood began to boil, "Pardon me, Emmett? You are far from the person I would expect to tell me which direction to point my moral compass."

"Edward, that was different. Rose and I were meant to be together."

"Oh, don't use the 'meant to be together' bullshit on me. I'm not mom for Christ's sake. Rose was a married woman when you met her, Emmett. Another boxer's wife, no less. Don't you guys have a code or something? You know, Thou shall not fuck thy fellow boxer's wife?"

"No honor among thieves, right Edward?" My brother retaliated.

"Don't be such a self-righteous son-of-a-bitch, Emmett, what do you want? You want to lecture me on the finite laws of courting another man's wife or do you actually need something of importance?"

I heard my brother breathe an undeniable hiss through the earpiece as he let out a slow, tormented breath. If I knew Emmett, he didn't want to fight with me, he was just concerned.

And he knew he had no legs to stand on when it came to being in love with a married woman, for, in fact, Rosalie Hale was his friend's wife. A fellow boxer named Johnny Jackson. Lightweight champion of the world in 1950. My brother's confidant. His friend. His teacher. His support system in the boxing industry. Someone who trusted Emmett.

And my brother broke that trust as soon as he met Rosalie. But even I had to admit. Rose and Em belonged with one another. From the moment Rose had walked into our lives, we all knew, Emmett had found his other half.

I couldn't begrudge Emmett for that.

A slight throb began to pulsate under the soft skin at the nape of my neck. The throbbing was an adverse effect of a damn conversation I didn't want to have. Especially with Emmett.

_You don't want to have this conversation because it is a cold slap of reality, Cullen._

I swiped a brand new box of cigarettes from the dining room table. I tapped both ends of the box with a hard hand, on the inside of my palm, holding the phone in the crook of my neck. The cellophane paper crinkled as I opened the box, shook a tube of tobacco out and lit it.

Inhaling with a deep sense of gratification, I allowed the cool menthol to work its way through my lungs, giving me the immediate feeling of calm that I needed.

Fucking Emmett had no right to tell me about the splinter in my eye, when there was a log that stuck out of his own.

_He's not telling you to do anything. He's wondering what they're all going to be wondering….is she worth it?_

I ran my hand through my hair, and then picked the receiver from the crook of my neck.

_It IS worth it, dammit. She's worth it. _

"Edward? Edward, are you still there?"

Jeez, the guy needed to give me a small break.

"Yes, I'm still here, puffing on a cigarette, waiting for you to finish hammering me with bullshit. I'm not the proverbial punching bag."

"This isn't going to fare well with Heidi."

"Heidi knows Em. The bitch knows everything."

"And she's alright with this? She hasn't gone to Jacob yet?"

"No. She promised to help us, not dig us our own grave plots."

"Heidi's 'helping out' is only beneficial to one person," Emmett began.

"Heidi," we replied in unison.

"She hasn't told Jacob anything because Jacob is out of the country," I replied absently. I was almost positive she wouldn't snake us out to Jacob. Heidi was loyal to money. And I made sure she had enough of it.

"There is something called a telephone, Edward. We're talking on one right now. I mean we have gone beyond tin cans and string. Christ, Edward, if there was a big enough paycheck tied to the end of giving Jacob any information, she would find a fucking carrier pigeon to get the message to him."

"Emmett, be realistic. Do you honestly think Heidi would rat me out to Jacob? I mean that…that…would be idiocy at its finest."

"She hates Isabella," Emmett returned in a plain, monotone voice.

"Bella set her straight. Bella doesn't take Heidi's garbage, Em," I smiled at the memory of Bella's tenacity. She was a fighter.

"Yea, well, is she worth it? Is Isabella worth all this trouble? The shit storm is coming, Edward. We've been in and around this business a long time. You, Jasper, Alice, Rose, me…Jesus, Edward you made Jacob….but he knows people now. Bad people. We're not talking destruction of careers, we're talking he could have you-"

"Killed?" I interjected.

"Killed," Emmett confirmed in a glum voice.

"Jacob wouldn't kill for her."

_He barely loved her enough to do anything for her, let alone take the time and energy to kill me for her._

"No, but he would pay for someone to do it for him."

I shook my head, chuckling, "C'mon Emmett, are you going to believe the rags about his dealings with the mafia?" My brother could be as paranoid as J. Edgar Hoover standing in the midst of a train station at five o' clock on a Friday afternoon in a dress and high heels. That's pretty goddamn paranoid.

"Yea, I guess your right. Jacob can be a horse's ass, but not an idiot." Emmett paused. I heard the flick of a lighter on the opposing end of the line, signifying Emmett's own need for a cigarette. The conversation was stressing out my poor little brother. I heard him exhale, "So, can you tell me how long this tryst has been going on? Or do I have to bribe our baby sister with a handbag to match the shoes?" Emmett replied. I could picture the smug expression on his face.

I chuckled lightly, "Eight days ago."

"Eight days. Well, I think it's about time you brought Miss Isabella Swan around to the house, Edward."

My stomach threw itself into my throat. Panic began to squeeze itself around my esophagus like a Boa constrictor around its prey. I couldn't even smoke anymore. I impaled the small amber ashtray on the dining room table with the half lit cigarette, than began to rub my forehead in distress.

My brother continued, "Rose and I are having a small dinner party in two days. We're celebrating Jasper's homecoming with drinks, dinner…you know, just us. Rose and I would like you to come. Would you? Come to dinner? With Isabella?" Emmett sounded hopeful.

"Em, if I come by…I'm not sure if Bella…is comfortable…with that arrangement."

"With what arrangement?" Bella's breath blew lightly into my unoccupied ear, her arms finding their way around my waist.

I unwound myself from her grasp, walked over to the table, leaning my bodyweight into it. I crossed my feet at the ankles, mouthing 'Emmett' and pointing to the telephone receiver.

Bella waggled her eyebrows at me and smiled that damn smile that made me want to cum right where I stood. She tilted her head to the left untying the pink silk ties of the shorty she wore. The fabric fell open limply, revealing that trail of silky skin from her neck to her pubic bone.

"I think you need to tell me what arrangement I may not be comfortable with, Edward…" Bella whispered in a husky voice as she sauntered over to me. When she was within touching distance, she began to un-tuck my black shirt from the confines of my Levi's.

My brother kept talking, "Eight o' clock, Edward. We'll set a place for you and Isabella."

_Oh sweet heaven and hell._

"Sure, great….I'll talk to Isabella. Eight o' clock."

Bella's hands moved slowly underneath my shirt. Her fingers lingered over my pectoral muscles, "Edward Cullen is so fucking beautiful. How could I not like any arrangement that includes you, baby?"

"Edward, you sound out of breath? Are you that panicked about her coming with you?" Emmett was being a persistent pecker tonight. And all I wanted to do was get him off of my telephone.

I covered the mouth piece, hissing at her through clenched teeth, "It's Emmett, dinner with him and the family on Saturday night. I'm trying to-" Bella's lips crushed mine in such divine sweet goodness, I almost quit breathing. Her soft tongue slipped into my mouth, lingering only for a moment. Just as every time before, I lost myself in her kiss, relaxing into her. Kissing her back with just as much fervor and intensity.

"Edward? Edward?"

She pulled away, satisfied with her work, her voice still a sheer whisper, "We're going to Rose and Emmett's home for dinner, so accept the gracious invite and get your sweet ass off the phone or else…"

She unzipped my pants, and continued, "Because you know what I'm capable of, Edward, and I don't care who you may be on the phone with because…" Bella signed seductively, "I need you so much right now."

I brought the receiver back to my lips that still tasted of her, "We'll be there Emmett. I'll talk to you Saturday."

"Tell Isabella 'hello' for me."

I couldn't draw my eyes from her intense gaze.

"Will do," I replied in an automatic tone, never breaking my stare from Bella's. She wouldn't break our connection. Wouldn't break the hypnotic trance she had placed on me.

Bella gently took the telephone away from me, placing it back in its cradle.

My breath hitched as she began to inch her way closer to me. She pressed herself up against my clothed body, her breath pouring hot into the small indent in my throat. Placing the phone on the table next to me, she replied, kissing my collarbone with feather-soft kisses, "No more phone calls. It makes you tense."

"Uh-huh…" I replied, my lids at half-mast. Maybe it was my imagination, but the smell of her newly washed hair was more intoxicating hanging in wet tendrils than it was hanging in soft, dry waves.

She pulled closer to me, linking her hands together behind my neck, pulling my lips closer to hers, still not touching, still not connecting, "I love the way you look right now Edward. You looked stoned. Drunk out of your ever-loving mind."

"Isabella…"

"Edward…"

"Uh-huh?" I didn't even know if I could link two words together. All I could muster was her name. Was it even coherent?

"Tell me," she breathed over my lips. It was such a delicate, soft voice. Mesmerizing.

Being there, in her arms, under her spell was a memory I would lock away in my heart forever.

"I love you," I replied softly, allowing my hands to drink in the sensation of the silk underneath my fingers as I caressed the slope of her back.

"Tell me, Isabella."

She dropped her arms from around my neck down to her sides, "With all my heart and soul, I love you."

The vibrations from her lips sent a shiver through my skin as she spoke, for our lips still hadn't made the connection. We just stood together, locked in the moment. Locked on each other.

My hands moved their way up to her shoulders.

_She is worth it. _

Bella's robe slipped down her smooth skin into a soft pink puddle on the floor at her feet as the spark generated from our lips ignited the fiery passion from beneath our souls.

A few hours later, the sun's rays peeked into the large window of our bedroom. Bella's hair cascaded over my chest, the left side of her face molded itself into the small dip of my chest. The rhythm of her sleeping breath matched my heart beat-for-beat. Without waking her, I placed my left arm under my head and stared at the ceiling, while I absently caressed her head with my right hand.

Bella stirred slightly, wrapping her leg tighter around my naked waist. I felt the naked flesh of her pelvis press itself into my hip. Her form melted into mine, like soft warm candle wax adhering to its holder.

_Is she still worth it? Do you think you really found someone to love you unconditionally, Cullen? Someone who can deal with all the fucked up insecurities that plague you on a day-to-day basis?_

I looked down at my Bella. She slept so comfortably. Her eyes closed as if in a pleasure coma. She was beautiful as her lips had played their way into a contented smile. I wondered what she was dreaming about that would make her smile while she slept. I continued to caress her head lovingly.

_It's all worth it. She is the one. She's the one who has made me what I am. The one who has turned all my fears and nightmares into hopes and dreams. The one I want to go to bed with and the one I want to wake up to in the morning. _

The sun continued to rise, beginning its slow dance up Bella's exposed leg on the bed.

_Does she want you? Or is this a sick ploy to get away from the one who is making her life miserable? Is this an out for her? An end to a very bad, demented means?_

My jaw clenched at the thoughts that were getting out of hand.

_She loves me. She wants me as much as I want her._

_How long has she loved you? Since the beginning? _

_Yes. No. I don't know._

_How long have you loved her, Cullen?_

_Since the first day. Since that moment when I saw her come into the drug store, sit down and give me that shy smile. When I returned the smile, she blushed crimson. She was so innocent. So pure. Her heart had yet to be tarnished by the bitterness of Hollywood…_

_Than why in the hell did you allow Jacob to court her? Why did you allow this mess to happen?_

Bella buried her face a little deeper into my side.

I shook my head back and forth lightly. I didn't allow Jacob to date her. It just happened. Things just happen. Things that cannot be controlled. Life happens. Just like Bella and I couldn't control the love that had grown between us.

_She will blame you for this predicament eventually, Cullen. It's the nature of the beast. In the end, Jacob is still her husband. You are a diseased fuck if you think all this shit won't come back to you. Her pregnancy, her failed marriage…she'll need to blame someone when she faces the reality of the possibility of her career being flushed down the proverbial toilet. And that someone will be you._

I shook my head as if answering the seed of doubt that was sprouting tiny barbs of poisonous venom into the web of deceit that was starting to plague my soul. It was causing me to question the inner workings of my sanity.

_No, she won't blame me._

_Not yet, Cullen…but she will. She'll see through the thick bullshit and come to terms with the fact that you were the cause. Now, tell the truth…is this all worth it?_

_For the last time….YES. Case closed._

I was certain we were meant to be together. She was my destiny. My one and only. My girl. I truly believed that to the depths of my soul. I felt it. I knew she felt it. Didn't that mean anything?

_Yes. It means you're both delusional, Cullen._

_No, people know when they meet the one they're supposed to be with forever._

_Stop sounding like a woman, Cullen._

I internally cursed the demon seed of doubt.

_You can't shut me up forever, Cullen._

_Yes, I can._

He had come out enough today.

_When will you be done stealing, Cullen? Stealing from her? Stealing from Jacob? _

_Shut up…Shut up…SHUT UP!_

I beat the tiny voice into submission and pushed him back into the shackles of my inner sanctum.

_She's mine. She always was. _

Just as I am hers.

_And always will be._

"I love you, Edward," Bella whispered as if she could hear the desperate murmurs working my heart. As if she knew I needed the confirmation of her love. I looked down at her still slumbering frame.

"I love you too, Bella," I whispered back.

I was right. I knew it. Even in her unconscious state of mind, Bella knew we were meant to be together.

With my heavy lids closing in on my being, I allowed myself to fall back asleep. I had grown tired of listening to the voice that reaped gloom and doom. Exhaustion had finally overcome me.

_Isabella Swan. An extraordinary woman who was worth the world._

_**You guys are friggin' great! I love you so much for your reviews. You guys make me blush every time ;)**_

_**Leave me some luvin'! You know how I love that like Marilyn Monroe loved her halter dresses!**_

_**Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings!**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**Thank you bunches for all the love and support you have given me here! I read every review and hold each one close to my heart! You guys are F*Awesome. Period. ;)**

**Thanks & Much Love: To my Beta, my sis, my Kiki…MUAH!**

_**Disclaimer from Mary (Mama Cougar):**_

**WARNING:**** The Surgeon General has determined that reading **_**The Pin-Up Girl**_** can lead to excessive panting, sweating, sharp increases in libido, incontinence, drooling, pallor, and a distinct lemon taste in the mouth. Read with caution and possibly a pair of Depends undergarments.**

_**Chapter Seventeen ~ **_

Bella and I sat across from each other, our backs towards the arms of the couch, our legs tangled into each other. Bella sat, twisting her hair around her fingers while she flipped through the pages of last month's National Geographic. I flipped absently through the pages of the latest issue of Wink, scanning the current works of Pearl Frush, the only female artist of pin-ups in this day and age.

I flipped to the center of the magazine to find Bella's fresh face. Flaunting her seductive stare, she looked back at me as she sat on a bale of hay in red short shorts and a checkered red and white plaid top with cut-off sleeves. The blouse was unbuttoned halfway down to her naval, tied in a knot in front.

I pinched Bella's big toe playfully to get her attention. She looked up and smiled at me immediately.

"You look good in this one." I held up the magazine so she could see her beautiful form sprawled out across a hay bale in the June issue.

"Hmph…" she replied scowling. She wrinkled her cute little nose.

I turned the magazine back to me, "I like it."

She looked up from her article, laying the magazine facedown in her lap, saving the spot she was at. "I never said 'hmph' like I didn't like the picture. I said 'hmph' like I remember the day we took that picture." The left side of Bella's upper lip curled into a half-smile.

"I thought that was a productive day." I went back to flipping the pages. The famous faces of many skimmed under my stare. Not one like her.

"Thirty-five rolls of film Edward. I was itching like mad when I left that bale of hay."

"That only means it was a productive day." I went back to the center of the magazine and stared at the image of her. I grinned as Bella's fingers tugged at the edge of the pages.

Bella leaned towards me, a playful glint in her eyes, gesturing for me to come closer with her finger. She continued in more of a hushed tone, even though we were the only two people in the soundproof hotel room, as I leaned in to meet her, "There's something I've been meaning to ask you. I know several, I don't know, hundred cheese cake models who tell me their photographers only go through maybe…oh, I don't know, ten to fifteen rolls of film per shoot. You? You use anywhere from twenty to forty rolls on my shoots." Her smile was growing as she continued, "Is that, dare I say it, normal?"

I ran my hand through my hair, a smile seducing the corners of my mouth.

"Nervous?" Bella asked running a finger down my jaw line.

"Why should I be nervous?" I replied with a light tone. She knew why I took thousands of photos of her. I couldn't get enough of her.

"Well," her finger continued down the side of my neck, speckling my skin with goose bumps, "because you only run your fingers through your hair when you're nervous, or when you're agitated."

"And?" I prompted, throwing the magazine onto the floor.

I casually leaned back into the overstuffed arm of the couch. If the little femme fatale wanted to know why I loved taking her picture, I would gladly tell her. Because I loved her. That was something I told her all the time. Since the moment I saw her, I loved her.

"Anyway, I was just thinking…well, you know, do you keep me at shoots so long because you needed the right shot, or just because you like the seduction?"

"I love the seduction, Isabella." My voice had become thick, rich, and dripping in sex. She evoked that from within me every time.

Bella leaned back into the arm of the couch herself, tucking her left arm under her head, "I love it when you call me Isabella."

She closed her eyes lightly, continuing, "What do you see when you look into your window to the world, Edward?"

"I see everything that you exude that you may not want people to see."

Bella opened her eyes, and stared at me in a dreamy state, "What do you see?"

"Vulnerability, innocence, guilt, shame, anger, love, trust, honor, sex appeal, intelligence."

"All in that little lens?" she gave me a half smile, her eyes soft and alluring.

"All in that little lens. All of those things equal your beauty, Isabella." I sat up, got off of the couch and knelt by her side.

A wispy strand of hair lay haphazardly across her forehead. I picked up the strand, gently tucking it behind her ear. My face was inches from hers. I took a deep breath, inhaling her minty scent from her slightly parted lips. It gave me the courage to say what I was about to say. "Isabella, I have been waiting for you my whole life."

I took her free hand in mine, planting a small kiss on the soft alabaster skin, "I would pay any cost to be with you, Isabella. I love you. I've loved you since that day. You were sitting there drinking a chocolate shake, getting so involved with your book...and after Andrew said what he said last night, it made me realize one thing…" I chuckled softly, beginning to draw small circles into the patterns of her skin.

I began again, taking in a large breath, "After this is over. After all this shit is gone. I want you to be my wife. I want you to be with me forever." I finally had the nerve to look her in the eye. When I brought my gaze to hers, I saw her eyes glistening in tears. I smiled at her encouragingly.

"Edward, I love you. I've loved you for a long time, but," Bella began sniffling, "Edward, it's only been nine days. How would you know what you want in nine days?" She released my hand, than sat upright.

My head dropped in despair, "Isabella, I know that I love you. You know that you love me. What more do you want? If everyone thought through marriage, no one would get married." I looked up giving her a half smile as I grabbed for her hand again.

But instead of allowing me to hold her, she pulled away from me, stood, and walked towards the bar. My head fell limply, my shoulders sank. I didn't know if I could get up off the ground. She just rejected me. She didn't want me.

_Here it comes, Cullen. The blame._

"Edward, look at me, baby." I pulled my chin up to meet her diseased look of pity as she leaned against the bar, bracing herself with both hands as if she needed the support. She was preparing herself for something. I could tell by the look in her eyes.

_Told you so, Cullen._

She continued in a pathetic tone, her body stiffening as she spoke, "You don't want me to be your wife. I'm no good at it. I know because I haven't been the model spouse over the past six months for Jacob. Please see that. What you see through the lens of that camera is not what you think it is. I'm fighting a private war that you want no part of. Trust me, I'm not innocent. I'm not brave. And, I sure as shit, am not honorable." Bella looked away from me, hanging her own head down, her hair cascading around her face, shrouding her.

I stood from my position on the floor and walked up behind her. "You are those things, Bella. The camera doesn't lie."

Bella spun out of my half-embrace, fire in her eyes, "You have no idea who I am, Edward. I saw how you looked at my picture, just now. You love the seduction, not me. You love the idea of me. Jesus! I'm no good for you. Do you understand that? I am the girl everyone dreams of, the one everyone beats their meat to, but not the girl you marry and take home to your mother."

I grabbed her by her shoulders, "Stop it, Bella!"

She shrugged out of my grip, "Nine days, Edward. We only have five more. Then what? What are you going to do when Jacob gets back? What are we going to do?"

"Stop it, please, Bella. Don't do this." I whispered.

_Here it comes, I was right, Cullen._

"Look, this has been a gas. Hiding out here with you, having great sex, but we both know, this will end." Her voice was distant, cold.

And pissing me off because she was scared.

_So much for her tenacity, right Cullen?_

"Stop. It. Now." I was trying to control myself. Trying like hell.

"Oh, don't worry, Edward, you'll go back to your starlets and your life. You'll forget about me and my issues and my Jacob problem."

All I heard was _my Jacob._ My blood began to boil as if someone cranked the heat up to high on my stove.

Bella began to fuss with the glasses on the bar, drawing her attention away from me.

_Ignoring me._

I was stupid for thinking she would want me. She still wanted Jacob. She was still in love with _her Jacob._

Humiliation and anger began to settle itself comfortably in my heart, as I scanned the room for my cigarette case. I spotted it on the end table near the couch. Swiping the case with a quick hand, I noticed the letters on the cover.

Was I really just a ploy to get back at him? Or was she trying to push me away because she really thought in her heart of hearts that she was no good? It didn't matter. She was a good person. She was good for me.

_BULLSHIT! I'm fighting for what's mine. I'm fighting for her._

I touched the letters on the front of the silver casing with my fingertips, then opened the lid and took the thin papered tube between my fingers gingerly. I heard Bella rustle around the bar, clinking glasses and shuffling through the bottles until she found what she was looking for. I heard the ice plink into her glass and the slosh of liquid as I lit up my cigarette.

My anger emerged as I spun around. The cigarette burned hot between my forefinger and my middle finger as I pointed at her rigidly, "You know, you're full of shit, Bella!" My voice raised about three octaves.

"Pardon me, Edward?" Bella's features hardened, but she stayed calm as she sipped her drink. The ice clinked around the inside of her glass.

"You heard me. You're full of shit! You're scared. You are a scared little girl who doesn't want to face what we have head on like a fucking adult. You're scared about what you're feeling and you're scared that I feel the same way. You are afraid of getting hurt again, because if I know Jacob, he snow-balled you into believing he loved you, then when he started fucking other women, you drowned yourself in your work, the alcohol, the countless parties, and me. You did this to hurt him and you're going to end up hurting me. And yourself!"

"Jesus Edward, don't be so naïve." She replied, sighing. She leaned her back against the bar, lighting a cigarette as well. She chuckled as she exhaled, "You think this is all about you? Do you think you're the only one in this relationship? What about me? What about what people think about me? Especially while we're out in public! For Christ's sake Edward…_I'm married_!"

"No, I don't think this is just about me."

_See, Cullen, she cares about what the public thinks about her…which means she gives a damn about her career…which means, what will come first, you or her job?_

I wanted to shut off my inner governor.

I took another drag off of my smoke, than continued, "I saw you last night at the drive-in and when we were at Pink's. You care about what those rag hags think about you and your career. When we were in line, you told me to back off because people were staring. Who gives a shit? Don't you want people to know? Why do you care so much about what they think?"

"I care because I looked like a philandering fool out there last night. A two-bit harlot. That is i_not/i_ what I am. And you know what, Edward, I care about what they think about me because they are the ones who buy my face. They are the ones who love the eyes, the hair, the looks I give. It's why I get paid big money. Just like YOU! We are trained like circus bears to care about what people think, Edward. It's the business."

"You don't know shit about this business, Bella." I spat at her.

"Fuck you, you pompous piece of shit! You _made_ me care about what people think. A year ago I could have given a rat's ass over what the boy next door said about me. Now everywhere I turn, someone's saying something about me. What I look like, how I'm carrying myself in public, who I am fucking at the moment! EVERYTHING! I have been taught to ignore the bullshit. And I have been taught how to dress, how to speak, how to act in public. You said so the other night…every party, every scene, everything we do in public is a farce. It's all lies. When do we get to distinguish the lies from the truths? Are we going to be the first couple in Hollywood who does that? Because holy hell, Edward, if this is the case, what makes you different from Jacob? Will it be real or just pretend? With Jacob, what I thought was real, wasn't."

I shook my head, taking another drag off of my almost extinguished cigarette.

"You love me! That's real! People can see it. Right down to Andrew, the fucking manager. Paul Pink said we looked good together Bella! These are people we don't know! We belong together!"

"Edward, when I'm divorced, we can laugh and be open about us, but NOT. NOW! It's not fair to Jacob!"

_What the bloody hell?_

"Oh Christ Almighty, Bella! Are you kidding me? Not fair to Jacob? Not fair to fucking Jacob Black? What about me? How is this fair to me?"

"This isn't JUST ABOUT YOU!" Bella bellowed. The drink in her hand sloshed back and forth in the glass. The ice looked like a tiny ship in a turbulent sea of chaos.

_She still loves the asshole. She used you, Cullen. Just like I said. She's playing a game. A wicked little game. The one that women play to get back at jealous husbands._

_That's not true, and I'll prove it. Right now._

_Prove it, Cullen. I dare you._

_Fine, I will show you how much she loves me._

_Go ahead. But I'm warning you, it won't be pretty._

"You love this wicked little game. You're shacking up with me while he's away, playing _my_ feelings…but what I really want to know Bella…what I _need_ to know…is what's _really _going to happen when Jacob comes back. Are you going to pack up and leave him to come live with me or are you going back to him?"

For a split second, I noticed a look of indecision cross her features as she took another sip. Her silence was so deafening I heard the liquid slide down her throat with a hard wake.

_Told you so, Cullen. Next time, listen._

I shook my head at her, "I can't believe you, Bella. You're in love with him too, aren't you?"

"I'm not _in_ love with him, Edward, but I still _have_ love for him. There's a difference." she replied with a look of tortured desperation in her eyes.

_Adultery…a crime with only victims. No one wins, Cullen. _

"Jesus Christ, Bella…" I felt like all the blood drained from my face. I had just been pulverized. My heart had just been stepped on, and smashed into a thousand pieces.

_What in the hell does that mean? _

I continued, "That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of! You are not _in love_ with him, but you still _have love_ for him. You sound like you've been watching too many soap operas during your free time, Bella."

"Don't you get all self-righteous with me you arrogant bastard! You have never been married in your life! You've never lost a child! You've never experienced what I have, so don't tell me what I said is stupid because YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED IT!" Bella slammed her glass onto the bar, tossing her burning smoke into the half-empty glass.

"Isabella, you have never experienced anything real. Not with Jacob. You have experienced love with me! You love me! What we have is real…so real, baby, you're not getting rid of me that easily!"

"Is this all about you? This relationship that we have is so goddamn complicated and thick with bullshit you seem to have difficulty seeing past the cold hard fact that he is my husband! Yes, it was forced on me, but there are some memories of my marriage that are somewhat happy ones. He isn't always a son-of-a-bitch and you, of all people, should know that!"

"What are you telling me, Bella? Are you saying you're going back to that piece of shit? If that's your intention, than what are you doing here with me?" I yelled bringing my fist into the hard wood of the dining room table. I placed my left hand flush with the table, while I dragged my right fist back and slammed it into the defenseless wood again. I pulled my fist back, seeing the tiny indentation of my vengeance take residence.

"I'm here with you…because I'm completely _in love _with you! I love you more than my own life!"

I looked up to see her face. Black tears were streaming down her cheeks like mad rivers from the pit of hell.

"Do you?" I asked disgusted.

"Don't be like Jacob, Edward. Don't be him." She was pleading with me, but I couldn't hear her anymore. I didn't want to hear her. She cut me deeply.

"Well, you're still _in love _with the sick fuck. So I assumed you liked it when I acted like him. Oh, wait a minute, my apologies, you're not _in love _with him, but you still _have love_ for him. Do I have that right?"

"_**ARGH!**_" Bella threw the crystal glass that sat next to her, liquor, cigarette butt and all, at my head. I ducked as it crashed into the glass door behind me. A crack the size of the Santa Ana riverbed began to make its mark across the suite's terrace door behind me. The crystal glass shattered into a million ice-like crystals over the carpet.

"You're insane! What in the bloody hell did you do that for?"

"Because you are such a stupid bastard, Edward Cullen!" Her hands tightened into tight fists as she approached me like a fast-moving freight train.

I straightened to my full six foot two inch height, towering above her. She stopped short, a foot in front of me. The look on my face was hard. Her eyes were defiant, blistering infernos.

My jaw clenched as I spoke, "Why did you come over that night Bella? For revenge on your sweet Jacob? Did you come over because you found Jacob in bed with one of his tartlets? Was she sucking him off and you walked in?" I sneered at her flushed face streaked in black mascara.

"Shut-up Edward," she said through her tears, staring at my chest, her fists loosening. She brought her hands up to my white linen shirt, and her fingers grazed at the bare skin of my chest.

I shrank back for a moment in a reflective response of defense. "Let me go," I replied. The sharp edge in my voice never waivered.

Her fists clutched at the edges of the shirt, with no intention of release.

The truth of the matter was that as much as I wanted her to fight for this, for me, for us, and as much as I didn't want her to let go, I was still crazy-mad at her. Angry with her for cutting me. Deep.

And I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I wanted her to feel the sharp pain of the same dull blade she had sliced me with as it pierced her heart. I knew she would feel it, too, because I knew how I would cut her.

A cruel edge crept into my voice, "Oh wait…knowing Jacob, he asked you to join them, right?"

"Shut-up Edward." She raised her voice several decibels as her eyes met mine. So hurt. So venomous.

With a diseased smile, and the look of the Devil in my eyes, I continued mercilessly, my chin jutting out in my own defiance, "Or wait, here's a hot one, he asked you to watch and get yourself off while he was being sucked off." I added a sick laugh that made my own skin crawl.

That's when it happened. Her hand came back and slapped me across my smug face. And Bella didn't stop at one slap, and I didn't stop her. She hit me again.

And again.

With every stinging smack across my face I felt her pain, her bitterness and her anger. I hated myself for that. I hated myself for putting her through it.

After the fourth smack, I grabbed her wrists, which she instantly pulled out of my grip, curled into tight fists and punched me in the chest with as much power and strength she could muster.

Bella was screaming, incoherently at first, beating her tiny fists into my chest over and over again, with tears still streaming down her face, "He knows! He knows I love you! He knows I've loved you since the night I found you passed out on your couch! That night before I left for the party, we were fucking and I yelled out YOUR NAME! NOT HIS! YOURS! Do you know what I've already been through for you, you bastard! I called out YOUR name instead of HIS that night!" Bella's whole body went limp.

I let go of her wrists as her punches came to a stuttering halt. I grabbed her black-stained face with my hands. She wouldn't look at me while she spoke in the quietest voice I had ever heard in a woman.

A defeated voice. A defeated woman.

"You've told me time and time again, how you have loved me since the moment you saw me, but I've never told you when I fell in love with you."

"Isabella…" I whispered trying to console her. I began to wipe away the dark smudges with my thumbs.

A sick part of me reveled in the fact that she said my name while she was having sex with her husband.

_You know you're demented, right, Cullen?_

_Acknowledged._

"It was when I gave you that cigarette case. That stupid silver cigarette case. You looked at me with those stupid sexy green eyes and that damn smile, and I felt like I died and went to heaven."

I remembered. It was right after I met Bella. Two weeks, three days after I saw her. Right after her first publication in the Sears, Roebuck & Co. catalogue…

"_Happy Unbirthday, Edward," Bella said handing me the plain wrapped box._

"_Unbirthday, Isabella?"_

"_Haven't you ever read Lewis Carroll, Edward?"_

_I chuckled. Leave it to Isabella to know when I was having a bad day that needed brightening, to pull from __Alice Through the Looking Glass__._

"_Are you going to open it or just stare at it, you big goof?"_

_I tore the plain white paper with a gentle hand, lifted the lid, and moved the onion thin paper around to reveal the intricate letters EAC. I began to trace the letters with my finger. No one had ever given something to me on such a personal level before._

"_How did you know my middle initial?" I looked into her deep pools of chocolate. She was so sweet and pure. I had never been consumed with that much emotion in all my life._

"_I have my sources, Edward. Do you like it? I noticed your cigarette case was looking pretty shabby and this is much more chic. You deserve it." Isabella planted a small peck on the underside of my jaw. My heart jumped into my throat. Her touch was nothing short of amazing._

_I ran my hand through my hair as she pulled away, smiling shyly. _

_I gave her a half grin, "I love it…thank you Isabella. It really is too much though. You shouldn't have spent so much of your hard-earned money on me."_

"_You're more than welcome, Edward. It was my pleasure. You've done so much for me in the past couple weeks. It's a small token of my appreciation. And trust me, it is a very small token compared to everything you've given me. My success is based solely on your photos." Isabella blushed a deep crimson._

"_Your natural beauty is what makes those pictures, love."_

"_Well, I just do what you tell me. If you told me to jump off of a bridge because it looked pretty, you know I would," she looked down at the dirt, crossing her arms, shifting from her right foot to her left._

_I touched her cheek softly. Too softly. "You're beautiful in everything, love."_

_That's when she looked into my eyes. I mean really looked. My breath got caught in my chest._

"_Well! Thank you, Isabella. It is truly appreciated."_

"_You're welcome." Bella turned to walk away. I couldn't let her walk away from me._

"_Hey, you want to grab some lunch? Chasen's maybe?"_

"_Um..no, I can't. I have a fitting with Dior, but can I get a rain check?" Bella replied._

"_Sure…anytime." I couldn't hide my disappointment._

After several months and many missed opportunities later, she was no longer free for me to have.

Bella pulled me back from my memories.

She continued, still whispering, "And ever since the day I knew I loved you, all I think about is you. Your face, your smile, the way you pull your hand through your hair when you're nervous or angry. So the night of the party, the night I came over to tell you about Playboy…that was the last night Jacob took me. I was pretending it was _you _making love to me. My make-believe got mistaken for reality when I screamed your name. Not Jacob's. He got angry. I mean, he got really angry. He threw things around the house. Threw his wedding band at me telling me how it meant nothing. How I meant nothing to him."

_He knew how she felt…he knew that day I talked to him on the phone. But he didn't know we acted on that love. He didn't realize… he was trying to convince himself that she could never love me the way she loved him...lying to himself…again._

Bella matched her gaze to mine, "The truth be told, Edward, I didn't care. I was tired of the lies. Of the lie I had been living. I do love you, Edward. But do I love Jacob, too? No, I am not in love with him. I have some love for him. The things that happened between him and I are things no one will understand. Not even you." She took in a deep breath, then continued, "Sometimes, I think back over the past eight months and I think, yeah, we had some great times. But it doesn't out weigh the fact that he did things that hurt me so badly, I can't forgive him."

I pulled Bella into my arms, whispering into her hair, wrapping my arms around her neck, "Please tell me what you want from me."

Her arms snaked themselves around my waist. She pressed her cheek into my chest, holding me close for a few seconds.

Then she pulled away, looking at me with a thoughtful expression, "Edward, I have no expectations of you. All I ask is that you don't expect things from me right now. The only expectation you can count on, is that I love you. I want you. Not Jacob. You. I want i_you/i_ to be in my life forever. But we need to be realistic and take baby steps towards that goal. Cornering me with a marriage proposal, when I'm not even divorced? Well, that's crazy."

I needed to know, "Bella, are you leaving him?"

"Yes, but I have some things to tell Jacob, that I've wanted to tell him for a long time, in person. And I want him to see me walk out the door …" Bella trailed off, looking up at me, "Do you understand?"

I kissed her head, "I don't like it, but I understand. Do you think he knows?"

Shaking her head in slow deliberate movements, she replied, "No. I don't think Jacob knows. He enjoys ignorance sometimes."

"That's not ignorance. Where you're concerned, that's denial."

She pulled away from my embrace, wiping the black streaks from underneath her eyes with her fingertips, "Now what are _we_ going to do today, after I get cleaned up?"

"We need to develop some pictures for our meeting tonight with Mr. Heffner." I took Bella's hand into mine. She stretched her arm out like she was getting ready to dance. She twirled around while I held onto her hand.

Even with a black tear stained face, she was beautiful. An ideal in wonderment. No doubt, she had become my Alice in Wonderland. One minute she was bigger than life, busting out of the seams of her own skin, and the next she was a little girl playing in a garden overgrown with weeds of insanity. A place not meant for her.

If Marcus, my groundskeeper, hadn't been trimming the bushes in the front of my house, I might have driven by the piece of modern architecture, like it was just another one of the homes on the quiet Los Angeles street.

I hadn't been here in ten days. The house, the grounds…it all seemed almost alien to me.

Various photo shoots had taken me away for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. But not like this. Never had I gone away as one person and come back a changed man. Without Bella, the material things in my life failed to have meaning anymore. With Bella, my house, my possessions, my life…it had purpose and definition.

She fulfilled my every want, desire, and need. Bella was the air that I breathed, the food in my stomach, and the quench of my thirst.

I gave a friendly wave to Marcus as I drove up the twisting driveway of my home, with Bella by my side. As soon as I put the car into park, Bella hopped out with a start, grabbing the small bag of film she had sitting in her lap.

I followed suit, escaping the convertible's comfortable confines, throwing my cigarette onto the cement of the driveway, stomping it out with my foot. I placed my arms along the roof of the car, crossing them, leaning my weight onto them with lazy accord, as I exhaled the remains of the tobacco through my nostrils.

"It feels like we haven't been here in ages." Bella said it more to herself than to me as I watched her slam the passenger side door shut.

Pushing myself away from the car, I copied her motions, "A little over a week," I replied.

She turned to me, smiling a sexy half grin as she sashayed up the brick steps to the front door, "About 10 days."

"Isn't that a little over a week?" I replied lightly, fumbling for the keys in my pocket.

I caught up to her side, rested my hand on the doorknob, placed the key in the tumbler, and turned. Before I pushed open the heavy door, Bella leaned in to my lips, whispering, "Yes, a little over a week."

Holy hell, she could rile a dead man from the grave if she wanted to.

Bella placed her hand over mine, pulled the keys from my grasp and pushed the door open. She stepped over the threshold, than tossed the keys onto the small table that was in the entryway. I followed her, as always. I would follow her to hell and back if she wanted me to.

The house was stuffy and smelled like old cigarettes and booze.

I walked over to the large floor-to-ceiling windows, throwing them open with a heaving push. The fresh Southern California air wafted its way through the windows, shooing away the stale stank that wrecked havoc on the expansive room.

I heard Bella sigh behind me, plopping into the cushions of the couch. As I turned to meet her gaze, she tossed the brown paper bag my way.

I caught it skillfully, "You want to come?"

A slow, sex induced smile, pulled at the corners of her mouth, "Of course I do. I love to cum."

"You know Isabella, talk like that would cause people to think there was a double-meaning behind it."

"Good thing no one was around to hear it but you…" Bella cooed, sliding her delicious body off of the couch.

I arched an eyebrow skyward, grabbing her hand, and pulling her towards the back of the house, "Come on, you little vixen. We have work to do."

"Work? Is that what we do?" she replied innocently as I brought her to a revolving black door at the end of a short hallway off of the opposing wing of the house. I circulated the heavy metal until it opened, than I turned to meet her toying gaze, before we entered.

Bella wrapped her arm around my waist, making small, delicate circles into my side with her thumb. It was the simplest of gestures, but it was frustrating me to pieces. I wanted her. Badly.

She was torturing me with her teasing ways and it was killing me.

I gripped the brown paper bag a little tighter within my fist, pulling away from her slightly. If I let go of the bag, my hands would be all over her and we would get nothing done.

"We have a three o' clock meeting at Chasen's with Mr. Heffner that _you_ set up." I held up my wrist, her hand still in mine, to glance at the time, "It is now eleven o' clock. To be honest, the pressure of this looming deadline is causing me to have a small stroke, so unless you want to see my limp body on the floor of the dark room, don't bug the master while he is working."

I pulled her into the small circular entryway.

While the thick darkness enveloped our bodies, she replied in a hushed whisper, pressing her body closer to mine, "I will see your body on the floor and it won't be limp, Mr. Cullen."

_She's going to make this as difficult as possible today._

"We have to get these pictures done, Isabella." I said in a very strained no-nonsense voice as my fingers pressed against the cold black steel, swinging the door around to reveal the pitch black developing room. I reached into the sea of black to find the small, familiar light switch. I flipped it on.

Red light illuminated the large developing space.

"Welcome to my other piece of the world." I stepped outside of the doorway into the large darkroom. Releasing her hand, I walked over to a five foot long countertop that lined the back wall.

The room was large, with plenty of room to roam. Not only did I have the five foot long countertop gracing the back wall, but I had installed a stainless steel sink next to it. Four shelves hung in a column between the first and second workspace. Every shelf was lined with dark amber glass bottles, all labeled, to use at my disposal. Five strands of clothesline dangled over my second countertop that housed my photographic enlarger, several light boxes, as well as several large photo paper boxes and a paper cutter. Not to mention the twenty-something drawers of storage space I had underneath the center console for all my various supplies.

I had never brought anyone else here. It was my sanctum away from the chaos of the outside world. It was where I could drown away all light, all noise, and all life without being bothered.

Right now I was a happy little clam to be sharing it with her. I turned my attention to the center workspace, stealing a small glance at her through my lashes. I attempted to busy myself with the largest top drawer where I kept my film tanks and reels. I rummaged around until I found what I was looking for while continuing to steal glances at Bella.

She trailed her fingers over the doorway, "I thought light damages photos?"

She was so goddamn sexy standing there with an inquisitive look on her face. She looked like a stranger in a strange land.

_Did she have to wear those little white shorts today? She's punishing me for the fight. Teasing me to death is probably appropriate punishment._

And it was taking all of my self control not to jump the counter and fuck her senseless.

In desperation to busy my hands, I dumped the contents of the brown paper bag onto the workspace's cool countertop, "Yeah, well, that's the method behind the madness when it comes to the revolving black steel door and the light." I gestured towards her, than continued, "The red light is called a safelight. Black and white picture paper is only sensitive to blue or green light, hence the red light. I guess you could use a low-intensity orange or yellow light, but the red is more common."

_That's it, Cullen, keep your diseased mind out of the gutter by talking shop._

And it was working. Babbling about what I did took some of the sexual tension out of the room, therefore giving me more focus.

I looked up, "Can you hit the switch? I need complete darkness to get the film out of the casing."

Bella switched the safelight off. Within twenty seconds I had the film disengaged from the confines of the plastic casing and rolled into a developing canister. When I first started, spooling film used to take me an hour.

"Ok, you can turn it back on." I replied fetching two dark amber bottles off of a small shelf to the left of me.

"What's that?" Bella asked as I poured the bottles into the small canister. She hoisted herself up onto the countertop behind me. I casually turned my head to watch her cross her legs. The sound of skin-on-skin friction made my cock stand at attention like a private officer in the presence of General Patton. Thank God I wasn't wearing tight pants today.

"Developer and fixer." I began shaking the canister up and down.

"Can I try?" Bella asked with a smile.

"Sure." I handed her the small container. "Shake it until I tell you to."

As Bella shook the contents silver housing, I began to prepare the four trays that sat next to the photo enlarger.

"Do you love what you do, Edward?" Bella asked after a few quiet moments.

While I busied myself with the different liquids, I answered with a shrug, "It's what I know. I don't know how to do anything else."

"But do you love it?"

"You can stop now, Bella." I replied turning towards her. She handed me the canister. I dumped the liquid and added water. While I rinsed, I repeated my first sentiment, "It's all I know. Jasper and I went to high school together. He got hired on as a production assistant on Alfred Hitchcock's film, _Lifeboat. _One day, Jas called me up and said they were in a bind and needed some help with some publicity stills. I told Jasper I had never photographed people and he said it wasn't an issue. Just bring my camera."

I ran the fresh negatives through my squeegee, than hung them by a clothespin on a nearby string that crossed over my head near my sink. I turned towards Bella and began again, "So, I took some photos of Tallulah Bankhead, developed them and sent them on to Jasper, not thinking anymore of it."

I wiped my hands on a fresh terrycloth hand towel.

Bella watched me for several seconds, swinging her crossed over leg back and forth like a little kid waiting for her ice cream cone on a boardwalk, "And the rest is history?"

"Yeah…I mean, you know, to answer your question…I guess I do love what I do. I can capture the simplest expressions and moments and freeze them in one frame. I mean, let's be honest, how wonderful is it to capture the essence of beauty and share it with others?" I took two steps towards her. She uncrossed her legs, and wrapped them around my waist, sliding her arms around my neck, bringing me close to her.

Her breath screamed the scent of sweet bubble gum laced with a hint of tobacco. I loved that smell.

Addictive and intoxicating.

_Work, Cullen._

I kissed her nose and pulled away from her, turning back towards the negatives. "Can you turn on the second light switch Bella?"

"Sure." I watched as she jumped off the counter, making her way across the room, her attention diverted by a row of dangling black and whites.

_Fuck…_

They were my outtakes. Close up stills of Bella's face. Her charming smile. Her alluring brown eyes. Her perfect alabaster skin. The rose in her cheeks blushing a hint of grey in the photo. Pictures that weren't necessary for the magazine, but I took them anyway. For my personal collection.

She fingered one of them casually, than pulled my favorite from its clothespin.

It was of her face. Pure and innocent. Her eyes were lightly closed in amusement. Her delicate fingers covering half of her face in a shy, embarrassed giggle. We were taking publicity stills that afternoon, and her hair had been done in a French twist with large bouncing curls spraying out of the top. In the photo, she had just taken down the bouncy mass of curls that had been tucked into her head all day. From afar, I watched as Alice scolded her for taking out her creation. Bella's response to my sister was just a giggle. It was the cutest exchange I had ever witnessed.

And, of course, I had to immortalize it.

That picture was one of my favorites of her.

_One of many._

She studied it with a look of confusion, than looked up at me, "Close-ups of my face have never been necessary for Wink or Eyeful."

I walked over and gently plucked the picture from her hands, "Every picture of you is necessary."

Bella pressed her body into me, slipping her bare leg between mine. Her leg wrapped itself around my calf.

_Holy hell, how does she expect me to work while she's rubbing up against me?_

"Isabella…" I replied in a tormented tone. More tormented than I wanted to let on.

"Yes, Edward?" Bella inched her toned leg into the back of my thigh. She began to rub herself seductively up and down the back of my leg.

"We really need to get these done." My eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments, relishing her touch.

_Damn girl, I want you too._

I pulled her into a deep kiss, breaking away for one moment, the picture of her still in my grasp. My lips hovering near hers, she said, "That picture can say one of three things about you, Mr. Cullen."

"And what would those three things be, Ms. Swan?" Son-of-a-bitch, if she wasn't making me a crazy mess.

"Creepy, disturbing, or the hottest thing I have ever had anyone do." She forced her lips back into mine. I leaned into her, supporting her head with my right hand while sliding my left up her luscious curves, taking in the slope of her waist underneath my fingers.

_Work, than play, Cullen._

I pulled away from her, "We need to get this done, Bella. Really."

Bella's lip jutted out in displeasure as I walked back towards light box. My sudden sense of self-control was making me somewhat irritable. I snatched the negatives from the clasp of its clutches, laying them onto the illuminated fixture.

"Light please, Bella." I bent over and began my study.

She flipped the main light switch without a response. I heard her soft footfalls as she approached my hovering figure.

As I studied the frames one by one, I felt Bella's body press into mine, her voice low and hushed in my ear, "How do they look?"

The photos of her were exquisite as usual. Frame by frame, gorgeous…

_Son of a bitch…_

…until I got to our pictures of us.

The first frame was nothing short of astonishing.

Breathtaking.

Heart-pounding.

A close-up of our faces from the shoulder up.

Bella's face was pressed to mine, a slight smile playing her lips as she kissed the corner of my mouth. Her eyes were cast downward, full of playfulness and love. My own adoring eyes resting on her features, rather than the camera, my lids playing half mast as if I were drunk. My lips smiling the sexy half grin Bella claimed I won her over with. Our whole beings were leaning into each other, like two magnets pushed together by an invisible force of nature.

I wanted to jump back into the photo and relive the moment again and again.

We were legitimately beautiful together.

"Can I see it?" Bella said as I stood, hovered over that one frame, stone-still.

I still didn't respond for a full ten seconds. Finally, I straightened, flipping the small switch to the 'off' position on the light box. I fumbled through a small drawer of filters, found what I was looking for, and slipped it in the enlarger.

"No." I replied. Giving her a broad smile, I continued, "I want you to develop it."

_Cullen! _

_Heffner. Chasen's. Three o' clock._

Without waiting for her to respond, I walked over to the far wall by the door, switching the room back to its red glow as Bella stood by the photo enlarger, her mouth ready to protest.

I made my way back to the enlarger, working with the numerous parts so it would be ready for her to process the picture. I placed the negative into the slot at the top of the enlarger, than backed away, allowing her to step in front of me.

_Acknowledged, and dully noted. But you know what they say…_

I gently pulled at Bella's upper arm, positioning her between my body and the equipment.

_All work…_

My voice was rough and ragged as I leaned into her ear, "Take the photo paper out of that black box to the right."

…_and no play,_

Bella reached over, bending at the waist, to reach across the countertop. I ground my hips into her firm ass. She pushed back against me in greedy need. She straightened; photo paper in hand.

…_makes Cullen a very dull boy._

"Now, place the paper on the flat surface in front of you." My breathing hitched as she positioned one of her bare, toned legs between mine. She lifted her foot, bending it at the knee, so she was rubbing the inside of my right leg.

_Holy hell…_

I rested my hands along the peaks of her hips, "Put your hands on the enlarger," I whispered in her left ear, taking her earlobe between my teeth.

Moving her hands to the hard plastic top, I saw her cheeks move into a smile.

"Right here?" Bella asked softly, tilting her head back into my shoulder.

"Uh-huh, right there." I whispered back in a gentle tone. I continued moving my hands up her waist, taking in the slope of her beautiful curves.

_She would see what we had. In this one picture. _

I moved my hands to her shoulders, bringing my lips to her neck, moving my thumbs in slow circles into each of her shoulder blades. I planted a soft myriad of kisses along the supple skin of the side of her neck, taking my time, not missing a single square inch of her beloved throat. Her soft moans elicited small electrical vibrations through my lips that careened straight to the nerve endings of my cock.

_And she would appreciate it, just as I did._

I disconnected my lips from her skin, moving my hands to hers. She was trembling as my hands moved with hers to position the enlarger where I wanted it. I was so familiar with this piece of equipment, that in fact it was second nature for me to know the positioning of an eight by ten picture without having to see it.

I ran my hands up and down her arms with slow deliberate passes, creating a sea of goose bumps down her upper arms.

"See that small switch in front?" I cooed.

"Uh-huh." I could tell she was focused on my every word because her forehead rippled in concentration.

I let my arms drift to her abdomen. Unbuttoning her sunshine yellow blouse, I began again, popping the buttons from the confines of their buttonhole homes as I counted, "Turn it on."

Bella's head straightened as she made a genuine effort to push the button. A sharp shaft of light filtered through the enlarger onto the white paper.

_One…button._

_Two…buttons._

_Three…buttons._

_Four…buttons._

"Turn it off." I whispered.

Bella switched the light off as I got to the fifth button of her blouse. I let the crisp, starched cotton fall from her shoulders. Her white lace bra glowed a fiery red under the light.

_My Bella…so goddamn beautiful._

I ran my hands back down her shoulders, slipping my forefingers under the straining white satin straps. I slipped them down her shoulders, allowing the strips of elastic to rest on her upper arms, never going further than that, "This is where we need to pay attention to the details. Do you understand me Bella?"

"Uh-huh...attention…to…the…details…" She responded, moving her body with mine. We never broke our connection as I moved her to the trays of chemicals.

I moved my hands to her lace-covered breasts, massaging them with gentle hands, "Drop the photo into the first tray, grab those tongs and move it around till you see a picture. I'll tell you when to put it in the second tray. Remember, concentrate on this picture…you don't want to make it too dark."

"The Devil's in the details." She cooed, straightening a little under my touch. She was attempting to pay more attention to what she was doing.

I leaned into her ear again, "And do not touch the liquids with your bare skin. Understand?"

Bella nodded, releasing the photo paper into the liquid. She picked up the tongs and began to move the paper through the developing fluid. My hands glided down the curvature of her breasts, down to her abdomen.

The grays began to appear within seconds. Next came the shapes. Bella's head shot to attention when she saw what I saw.

My mouth curved its way into a delectable grin, "That's who we are, Isabella. That is why I love what I do." I whispered waiting for her reaction.

She was stone still.

As the picture darkened I took the tongs from her firm grasp and pulled the picture from its watery prison, placing it into the fixer to stop the developing process. After a few more moments, I placed it into the rinse water, than hung it on the string above us to dry.

The two of us, stood there, unmoving. Staring at beauty.

Us.

I wrapped my arms back around her waist, pulling her into me once more. I leaned into her ear, "Are you going to say something?"

"I…I…wow," she breathed.

Suddenly, she whipped around to face me, grabbed my face between her small hands and crushed her lips to mine. Her hands tangled themselves into my hair.

I broke the kiss, "You took that picture, Bella. You captured us."

"You know, pictures speak a thousand words." She was breathless as she continued, still clutching at my face.

"What did you see, Bella? What did you capture?"

"Your vulnerability. Your allure. Your sexy smile that you try to hide, but you can't. Your intelligence. The inner workings of your soul. And one more very important thing…" She trailed off, focusing her attention to my lips.

"And what's that?" I asked. My heart was pounding its way out of my chest like a jackhammer doing roadwork on Route 66.

"Your love." Bella murmured without hesitation.

She pushed back into me, ravaging my lips with hers, shedding our clothing within seconds as we made our way to the cold tiled floor beneath us. She straddled my lap as I sank into a sitting position on the floor. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist, pressing her pelvis into my cock, pinning it between our hot bodies.

I moved my hands into her chestnut locks, "All I have ever wanted is you. Don't ever forget that."

Bella began to move her body up and down. The friction was setting my cock on fire.

She pushed my shoulders down, "Lie down."

I would do anything she told me to, without question. I laid down on my back, hissing through my teeth as my bare back took in the shock of cold tile.

The dull red glow from the safelight, set her alabaster skin on ablaze. It was fucking phenomenal watching her lower herself onto my throbbing member. She worked slowly. So fucking slowly. Up and down. In and out. I grabbed at her hips, silently urging her to move faster.

But she wouldn't.

My release was building as her wet heat made each excruciating slow pass of my cock.

I was being sexually pulverized by the sweetest torture in the world.

Bella raked her fingers down my chest as she began to move faster. This room was the coolest room in the house, yet both of us were starting to shed small beads of sweat.

Bella's thighs began to quiver around me as she continued her gyrations. Her hands left my chest as she began to rock into a slow dance. Grinding her hips into mine in pulsating waves. She began running her hands through her hair, her moans becoming louder, as the soft tendrils fell delicately down her back.

Her movements were becoming stronger. More intense. Her delicate walls were closing me in, suffocating my cock. And I fucking loved it. I loved that I made her this way. That I was the one making her crazy with passion.

Goddamn, I adored her.

"Ed…ward!" She was trying to hold it in, but I could tell by the way she bit her bottom lip and the way she was tensing, she wasn't going to be able to hold it anymore.

"Cum with me, Isabella." I ran my hands up and down her curves. Her skin slid through my fingers like wet porcelain.

"Anything for you." She gasped. I felt her walls finally crumble around my cock. My hips plummeted into hers one last time as my release overcame me.

Her hips slowed, then became still as Bella fell onto my chest in a lazy heap. "Do you think Hef will like my just-fucked look?"

I laughed openly, smoothing down her damp hair with my hands, wrapping my arms around her, "It'll get you the centerfold." I assured her.

Bella chuckled in my arms, hoisting her head up to look into my eyes, "You are one amazing man, do you know that?"

"Only built and supported by one amazing woman, Bella." I replied.

She nuzzled back into my chest, "Can we stay like this forever? Like in our picture?"

_Pictures speak a thousand words._

I chuckled lightly, "You mean the picture that spoke all those words to you? I'm surprised it didn't already give you that answer."

_Thousands of words that are never spoken out loud._

She looked back up at me, "It said I would be yours forever."

_Words that can never be taken back._

I wrapped my arms around her body a little tighter, "Forever. You'll be mine forever, Bella." I confirmed in a soft-spoken tone.

_Words that needed no explanation._

She laid her head back onto my chest, "I love you."

"I love you too, love."

_Ever._

A few hours later, I walked out of the house with Bella, who was dressed in a no-nonsense black pencil skirt, and a white short-sleeved silk blouse. I was in my dark blue flannel suit.

As we drove away, my thoughts never re-visited the ceramic-tiled countertop in the kitchen, where Bella and I shared a post-coital cigarette and a glass of red wine over a light lunch of a shared bowl of fruit.

The ceramic-tiled countertop where I left fourteen black and white photos.

Of us.

Pictures worth a thousand words.

_**Now, do what you do…Leave me some luvin' kindness and tell me which parts you liked, loved, or creamed your pants for ;)**_

_**Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings! xoxoxoxox**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**Thanks & Much Love: **

**To my girl, the bestest Beta ever, my sister Kiki. You just can't pull off Gwen like I can. But I guess that's why you're Kiki and I'm Gwen, because the whining, self-indulgent brat (or bitch, whichever you prefer) suits me way better than it does you. LMAO**

**Props & More Love:**

**Girls, I want you to give it up for our Glam Gal, CAROLYN! She is my first Bunny of the Week, making her appearance loud and proud in The Pin-Up Girl. So, let's give her a warm welcome. (*Crowd claps wildly for Carolyn*) I love you Carolyn! Without you and my sis to tell me to man-up and post this damn story, I would have chickened out. Thank you again, girl! ;)**

**Disclaimer from Mary (Mama Cougar):**

**WARNING:**** The Surgeon General has determined that reading **_**The Pin-Up Girl**_** can lead to excessive panting, sweating, sharp increases in libido, incontinence, drooling, pallor, and a distinct lemon taste in the mouth. Read with caution and possibly a pair of Depends undergarments.**

_**Chapter Eighteen ~ **_

Bella and I stood underneath the green and white-striped awning of Chasen's like we were getting ready for judgment day.

I looked over at her as I disembarked my car. She may have been nervous as hell on the way here, but she never showed it. Not once.

She was still stunning and composed.

Bella looked like she had just stepped out of the pages of Vanity Fair. She was astounding in her smashing Lilli Ann suit. It was black wool covered in black floral embroidery. The peplum jacket Bella had thrown on when she got out of the car was fitted, clinging to her adorable figure like a glove over her white silk blouse. Her matching straight skirt had a rear vent, showing off a nice touch of her shapely, well-defined legs. It was sexy as hell, and yet very businesslike and professional.

This meeting meant the world to her. To her career. To her life.

And she knew it.

As she slammed her passenger side door closed, she looked up, locking my gaze with her.

_Say something, Cullen. Make her feel more confident than she really is right now._

"You look beautiful, love. Hefner will think you are a brunette bombshell." I walked around the car, taking her hand into mine. I pressed my lips against her forehead.

While I pulled away, Bella let loose a nervous giggle that was laced with affection, "Isn't the term blonde bombshell? And don't you think you're a little biased?"

I leaned into her ear as we walked up the green carpet to the door, "I'm only partial to brunettes, and so blonde never plays hand-in-hand with the word bombshell in my book. And I am not biased since every red-blooded man and boy love you."

We walked over the threshold into the dark, wood paneled restaurant.

I noticed her jaw clench as she spoke with a slight whisper, "Here we go. Time to meet with Hef."

"Deep breath, love," I replied in the same hushed tone as I gave the hostess we knew as the face of Chasen's, Joan, a smile.

In my peripheral vision, I watched Bella's chest rise and fall quickly.

_Relax, love._

I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

The familiar bubbly blonde acknowledged us with a contagious smile. "Two today, Mr. Cullen?"

I placed my hand in the small of Bella's back as I smiled back a large toothy half-grin, "Not today, Joan. Today, Isabella is meeting Mr. Hefner."

Joan's smile grew at the mention of Mr. Hefner's name, "Right this way Mr. Cullen."

She turned her head towards Bella as we began to walk towards our table, "Ms. Swan you look very beautiful today, as usual."

"Thank you, Joan. How's the writing coming along? Were you able to find an agent yet?" I could tell Bella was on auto-pilot. As she made small talk with the hostess, I perused the many rich faces of Hollywood glamour sitting in the high-backed overstuffed red vinyl booths.

Weaving our way through the restaurant, Joan continued her pleasant conversation with Bella.

The famous faces that adorned the tables of Chasen's ran bountiful this afternoon. The myriad of notoriety swirled around us in a kaleidoscope of controlled chaos as we passed. Studio heads bowed in business deals, starlets and their leading men poured over scripts, and an up-and-coming cheese cake model by the name of Bettie Page was with my colleague, Bunny Yeager.

"Still writing. Still waiting for the agent." Joan replied beaming at the mention of her novel.

Joan stopped at a private table in the rear of the restaurant. Bella slid into the ox blood red circular booth, shimmying her way towards the center. I slid in next to her.

Joan handed us lunch menus. Bella replied absently, but still giving her signature smile, "Please let me know if I can help you in any way, Joan."

"Thank you Ms. Swan. I truly appreciate all your help."

Bella was placed with a white napkin in her lap. I placed my hand on her knee reassuringly.

I watched Bella's nervous twitching and decided alcohol was the first order of business. "Can we get two White Russians?"

"I'll have a gin and tonic, Joan, while my companion will have a Cosmopolitan." A smooth deep voice replied with an apparent smile spreading across his lips.

Bella and I looked up. I stood, offering my hand to a tall, lean man with black hair combed into a neat style. He wore a warm, yet confident expression as he took it with a cordial look of bemusement, "Mr. Edward Cullen, I presume?"

"Yes, and you must be Mr. Hugh Hefner?" I replied shaking his hand enthusiastically.

"At your service." He quickly released my hand and turned his attention to Bella, who was smiling from ear-to-ear, "And, once again, it is so nice to be in the presence of greatness, the one and only Isabella Swan."

Mr. Hefner reached across the table, taking Bella's delicate fingers into his, placing a gentleman's kiss onto the soft skin on the back of her hand. He pulled his lips away smiling, then looked at me, "You lucky bastard." He straightened his posture and continued, still grinning like the fox that ate the gingerbread man, "To enjoy the company of beautiful women is how every man should be living. Just like us, right Edward?"

"Beautiful women on the arms of sexy stylish men," Bella returned with confidence, giving Hef's companion a knowing smile. Goddamn, Bella could turn me on in any situation with that sexy snarl.

Mr. Hefner gestured at his companion with a grin as he placed his hand into the small of her back.

"This is Carolyn…Carolyn, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Edward Cullen and the lovely Ms. Isabella Swan."

The woman beamed at me with a wonderfully bright smile as she held out her hand, "Mr. Cullen." She shook my hand quickly, then turned to Bella, shaking her hand with the same energizing smile, "Ms. Swan."

With a quick handshake, Bella answered, "Please call me Isabella, Carolyn."

Carolyn was a leggy brunette with light chestnut locks billowing just past her shoulders. Her coif was lavishly backcombed, meticulously smoothed and sprayed, piled into a high mound on top of her head. Her remaining locks trailed down her back right past her shoulders. Her blonde highlights were captured by the streaming pane of sun that spilled into the restaurant windows. Her make-up was applied with an obviously skilled hand. Her blue-grey eyes were lined with coal-black liner, her lips doused in red to match the expensive black Chanel suit tailored to fit her tall five foot ten frame.

She was a nice specimen of a woman. Not Bella, but definitely worth a second look.

Carolyn turned to Mr. Hefner, "Hef, baby, she is adorable. Perfect for your centerfold."

I knew Hugh Hefner had a wife and kids and I knew this gal wasn't it, but hell, who was I to judge? If the man could do it, so be it.

Mr. Hefner squeezed into the booth, then looked back to our hostess, Joan, as he made a Carolyn sandwich with Bella. "Joan, I'll have that Gin and tonic and please make sure we are undisturbed for the next few hours." Mr. Hefner smiled at me and Bella, than looked back at Joan, continuing, "Except for libations, and the delicious cuisine of our chef, of course."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Hefner." Joan giggled slightly as Mr. Hefner gave her a half smile that looked like it was melting the poor girl's knees into puddles.

"Call me Hef, Joan." Mr. Hefner turned his attention back to me, as Joan walked away to retrieve the drinks we had asked for, "Mr. Cullen….or can I call you Edward?"

"Edward is fine, Mr. Hefner."

"Hef. Please call me Hef." He locked my gaze with his, "Edward, I understand, you're the man of the hour?"

I ran my hand through my hair, "Who did you hear that rumor from, Hef?"

"Jay Jenks. Inglorious little bastard, but he knows his stuff."

"You spoke to Jenks?" I wasn't surprised. Jenks knew everyone in this racket.

"Jenks and I go back a few years. Anytime I need to know something about anyone, I call him."

Joan came back a few moments later with our drinks, setting them in front of us.

Bella cleared her throat, sipping her White Russian with a smirk, "Didn't I tell you at the party Hef? Edward is the bee's knees when it comes to the exquisite knowledge of the modeling business."

"And Jenks said nothing but great things about your boy, Isabella. Said your fella was King Shit and I should be kissing his ass."

I chuckled lightly as I pulled my cigarette box from my inside coat pocket, shaking one out for myself and one for Bella. I lit them both simultaneously, than handed one to Bella. I was tickled pink that my reputation preceded me.

Carolyn leaned towards me, unbuttoning her suit jacket and revealing that she was wearing nothing but a nice set of double-D assets under the black suit coat, "Edward that is the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen."

I swear the woman made me blush as she turned to Bella's own knowing face, "You are a lucky girl, Isabella. Having this piece of man at your side. I mean, hell, he's a handsome gentleman and he acts like one. The only one I know like that is my little Hef."

Hef chuckled as he made bold eye contact with his companion's ample assets, "Carolyn, you are an incorrigible little fox, aren't you?"

Carolyn leaned back into the vinyl booth, "That's why you keep me around Hef. I'm one of the few that can keep up with _your_ incorrigible ways."

Hef looked back to me, then to Bella, "Carolyn will also be making her feature debut in the magazine…but you, my dear, will be my cover girl and my centerfold."

Remembering the envelope I had brought with me, I dumped its contents in front of Hef, "Those are your money shots, Hef. I know it."

Twenty-two pictures flittered under his fingertips until he picked up the shot I knew would catch his attention.

Hef picked up the photo of Bella in nothing but my dress shirt in front of the curtain of billowing fabric, "Damn me to hell in a basket… Jenks was right."

Carolyn peered at the photo and smiled in agreement with Hef, "Beautiful." She murmured in concurrence.

Bella's picture at Chateau Marmont. In front of an open window. In my dress shirt. The look of sex dripping off of her in overpowering waves.

Hef picked up the photo that followed. The one with that genuine smile. That giggle.

He looked at Bella, "You are an extraordinary woman, Isabella. I think you just gave me a hard-on. And all you had to do was look at me through a fucking photo."

"And you, Edward, are one hell of a photographer." Hef gazed at the photo, than looked back at me, "Where were you?"

"Chateau Marmont." Bella and I said in unison.

"We've been there, haven't we Hef?" Carolyn interjected with a sly smile. Hef wrapped his arm around Carolyn's shoulders.

Hef nodded his head in quiet understanding, his own wicked grin pulling at the corners of his mouth, hinting at his own subterfuge. "Where good men and women become naughty little girls and boys. Am I right?"

Bella and I exchanged knowing expressions with the couple in front of us.

Hef laughed lightly, "Don't worry. My lips are sealed."

"Oh, we're not…" Bella stammered, giving Hef a nervous grin while she tried to recover. "Don't think…I mean…Edward…me…I'm married, Hef."

"Guilty much, Isabella?" Hef replied with a cool expression. He clearly looked bemused with Bella's flustering before he continued, "Do you see Mrs. Hefner with me this afternoon, Isabella?"

I looked over at Bella as my lips pursed into a hard thin line. How would she handle this one?

Bella shook her head from side to side slowly, shifting her gaze from Carolyn to Hef.

Hef took out a cigarette of his own, lit it and took a long drag, still clutching the photo. "Let's make one thing unusually clear, Isabella. I'm not here to judge you, or Edward. As you, I'm sure, are not here to judge me or my lifestyle. We're here for business. In the line of work we are all in, mixing the two will be customary."

"Mixing business and lifestyle?" My eyebrows shot to the sky.

Hef waggled his eyebrows and smiled a broad grin at us, "Live it, love it, and own it, Edward. We are in the business of parading around the lifestyle men want to lead. They want women like Carolyn and Isabella. They long for them. And we give that to them. We provide a service, if you will. For fifty cents, they get to look at the many beautiful women of Playboy magazine without leaving the comfort of their homes. They get to peruse the likes of Marilyn, Bettie, Isabella, Carolyn and all the delicious offerings they possess."

"I think you have us figured wrong Hef…" Should I even try to explain it? Was it necessary?

Hef's eyes danced with an entertaining look of amusement. Like I was a spider monkey ready to dance next to my organ.

"Edward, maybe I need to be a little plainer. I. Don't. Care." He chuckled again shaking his head, "I am not here to tell you or Isabella how to live your life because I don't care. I do know that the two of you are fucking, though."

"How would you know that Hef?" Bella shot out in a panicked tone.

Hef raised the picture, "You in a men's shirt with a recently fucked face, Isabella."

"Let's not forget to mention the fact that your expressions come naturally through your pictures." Carolyn replied still grinning, her fingers pouring over every picture I laid out before them.

Hef leaned towards me, across the table, "That's why you are fucking brilliant, lad. Your gift is Isabella. God has given you the most precious thing no one else can possess. Her love for you shines through every picture you ever took of her." Hef leaned back, taking another sip of his Gin and tonic, then continued, "That's why I want her, and you, Edward. Only you can capture her. And the fact that our Isabella is adamant about only you photographing her…well, that's the bonus."

Bella and I exchanged surprised looks.

"What are you saying Hef?" Bella asked.

"I'm saying get rid of that pompous ass Jacob Black, Isabella. Get rid of him like a bad habit. This ride you're about to take with me, dear? The inaugural journey we're about to take? It's only the beginning."

I tossed back the remains of my drink and lit another cigarette.

"What are you asking us, Hef?" I repeated Bella's question, still not quite comprehending his intent.

"Edward, are you that dense or did your mother drop you on your head as a small child?" Hef replied looking almost bored with me.

Carolyn interjected, "Look, sweetheart, you two evidently belong to one another. If you're going to work for Hef, the both of you need to be uninhibited. Free to do what you want to in public. Because this," Carolyn held up the pictures in her left hand, "Is fucking brilliance."

Just like the evening before, someone else saw what was evident: We were in love.

"Now, is it settled? Are you going to allow me to publish you Isabella?"

I looked over at Isabella's pensive expression. She chewed at her bottom lip, finally letting out a sigh, "Of course, you can publish it, Hef."

"And for any subsequent layouts, Edward, I assume you will be available?"

"Would a gentleman's handshake, suffice? Or shall I write it in blood on a napkin Hef?" I gave him a half grin as I shot my eyebrow skyward.

Hef let out a guffaw, then reached across the table to offer his hand to me, "Absolutely, my boy…abso-fucking-lutely! Now, we need something to seal the deal…"

Bella piped up, all smiles at her new found contract with Hef, "The only thing appropriate for this occasion is a round of Pepe's Flame of Love Martinis, Hef." A wicked smile tainted her sexy red lips.

"I think you are right, my dear."

Hef stopped a cute blonde waitress that was passing us by, "Sweetheart, we need a round of Pepe's infamous Flame of Love Martinis."

The girl gave him an agreeable smile, "Anything for you Hef."

A few short moments later, Pepe, Chasen's notorious bartender, came up with a rolling metal bar. "Who ordered Pepe's most famous Martinis?"

We all whooped and hollered our replies.

"Watch and learn lovers…."

Pepe whipped out four chilled wine glasses from underneath his cart. With a fly of his fingers, he swirled a few drops of La Ina Fino sherry into each glass than poured it out onto a clean terry cloth towel. Pepe quickly took an orange into his possession and with a sharp paring knife separating the skin from the flesh of the fruit in one continuous motion. He split the skin in four, and in a flash, Pepe squeezed each individual segment into each of the four glasses, lit a match and set all four glasses a flame. The fragrant orange oil flambéed as it fell into the sherry-coated glasses.

Bella and Carolyn squealed with delighted laughter, while we all applauded our maestro of the bar.

While the flames burned the orange oil, Pepe peeled another orange, mirroring the same motions he did with the previous piece of fruit. As the flames died down, he tossed another few drops of orange oil into the glasses. As the flames began to extinguish on their own, Pepe poured Stolichnaya vodka into a cocktail shaker to chill, then strained it into the coated glasses.

Pepe finally squeezed the remaining orange peels over the drinks, fanning each peel vigorously around the rim of the glasses, so it was covered in the orange oil.

"Lovely ladies and gentlemen…I give you Pepe's Flame of Love Martinis!" Pepe replied with flourish as he put a wine glass in front of each of us.

We applauded his valiant show than raised our glasses to each other.

"To Playboy." Hef replied with enthusiasm.

"To Isabella and Carolyn." I looked over at Isabella. Her eyes were a combination of excitement and sex. I fucking loved that look.

"To us. To the new venture. And most importantly, to our newest friends." Isabella said in a sultry voice, motioning towards Hef and Carolyn.

We clinked glasses and threw back the drinks in exuberance.

"'Nuff said." Carolyn replied opening her menu.

We ate. We drank. We laughed.

Carolyn was right….

'Nuff said.

The day fell away and unleashed the night sky as we walked out of Chasen's that evening.

Slightly inebriated and filled to the brim with the best steaks money could buy, Bella and I got into the convertible. I looked up at the sky streaked with clouds.

"I don't want to go home." Bella said as I started the car.

"Where would you like to go?"

"Hollywoodland." She replied in a thick voice tainted in a smile.

I laughed, stepped on the gas as hard as I could, and headed to my girl's favorite place.

Hollywoodland was my new favorite spot to take her picture.

And it was her favorite spot in the world.

Quick, irritating rasps of sound pulled me from my drunken slumber sometime the next morning. I blinked twice. The spilling sunlight from the open bedroom window was mind-splitting. The noise was a continuous beating in my skull.

_Fuck, I hear you!_

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I reached over and turned off the incessant buzz of my alarm clock. I looked over to my left. Bella was sprawled out naked across my bed, tangled in a mess of white satin, lying on her stomach. The sheets covered only her lower half, baring her beautiful stone-smooth back to me.

I rubbed my face with both hands.

_What the hell did we do last night?_

I looked around the room.

_My room. My house._

Our clothes lay in lifeless heaps on the plush oatmeal colored carpet.

_Nothing unusual._

My Ektra sitting at full attention on my night stand.

_Pictures at the Hollywood sign overlooking the fabulous city._

Bella stirred, turning her face towards me, still fast asleep. I moved her soft locks out of her face, taking in her sleeping stature. The memory of the night before began to invade my brain space like a tidal wave storming the middle of a calm ocean on a balmy winter's eve.

_Bella lying nude across the center of the 'O' in the Hollywood sign. Her legs wrapped around my waist. Plunging myself deeper into her as she screamed my name. _

My morning chubby began to knock at the door of my boxers.

"You look beautiful in the morning, especially after making love to me on the epitome of Hollywood, Edward."

Her low, raspy voice shook me out of my memories. I grinned, turning onto my side to face her.

"Today, we're staying in bed all day, love."

"Make love all day?"

"Make love all day," I confirmed.

"Eat breakfast in bed?"

"Breakfast in bed," I replied, my grin broadening.

And than she dropped the bomb, "Then dinner at Emmett and Rose's?"

I sighed.

_Well, that was a chubby cruncher._

She began tracing my jaw line with her index and middle fingers, "Don't look so stressed, my sweet man."

Bella inched her face closer to mine so we were nose-to-nose.

Her hand disappeared beneath the sea of sheets. I felt it snake its way to the waistband of my boxers. Bella slid a finger beneath the waistband, teasing my torso. Her fingers gave a casual grace along the V-shaped crease in my pelvis, sending shivers throughout my skin.

"Is that your way of relieving stress, Isabella?" I inquired, as a mischievous grin took over my lips.

"No…" she cooed as I weaseled my way on top of her. Bella's legs entangled themselves around my waist.

My hard-on was running at full speed now, begging, no pleading was a better word for it, to be let out of its cotton prison. I concurred with its incessant pleas and shimmied the fabric holding me from Bella's goodness down my legs, and off of my body.

She moaned sensuously against my throat as I grinded my hips into hers.

I rubbed my cock against her smooth abdomen. The friction was amazing as I took her into a deep kiss. She pulled away, lust tracing her dreamy brown eyes.

"Holy hell, Bella…you are so beautiful." I ran my fingers down her porcelain face, studying every curve. Every slope. Hoping to memorize the contours of her face.

I could never be without her.

As I began to trace her lips, she took my index finger into her mouth. "Shit Bella, I love watching your pretty little mouth suck on all parts of me."

She released my finger from her hot mouth, replying in that low rasp, "I want to take you in my mouth. Suck on your cock. Run my tongue along the head. Drink you up. One. Drop. At. A. Time."

_Jesus, the woman had an insatiable hunger for cock. _

And the way she talked to me like that. Good goddamn!

"Only if I get to tongue fuck you." I replied with a sly smile, positioning my body so my cock hung in her face. With a greedy mouth, she took all of me.

_Oh Christ, Almighty!_

Her hands sunk deep into my ass, forcing me to plunge into her. Bella's hips moved in the same succession as mine. Watching her pelvis thrust into my face was such a goddamn turn-on. I mirrored her movements, plunging my tongue into her sweet, wet pussy.

She tasted amazing. Every drop she fed me I sucked up like a greedy, starved puppy at a bowl of milk. My tongue pushed deep. She could have fucking suffocated me between her hot thighs and I wouldn't have cared.

Her breath blew whispers of ecstasy against my throbbing balls, while she ran her soft tongue along my shaft. Once she got to the tip, her pretty lips enveloped my cock with so much suction I thought I was going to explode. Paired with the sensation of sliding in and out of her with long, involved strokes, I was going insane. To add to my debauchery, Bella was pushing my hips into her face further, the tip of my cock hitting the back of her throat with every pass.

I began running my tongue along the inner folds, trying to slow the pace down; trying to prolong the electrical pulses that rocked through my body.

Bella picked up on my deliberate need to slow things down and began mimicking my movements.

_Up, down…fuck me, how long can we do this? Has anyone passed out from too much pleasure? Holy…fucking…hell…_

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

_What the bloody hell? Was someone knocking on my front door?_

Bella didn't pick up on the sound, so I continued with my lavish licks up and down her valley of pleasure and sex. Lapping up her sweet goodness. Memorizing her movements. Taking in her beautiful, sweet movements.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

There was no mistaking it. Someone was knocking on my front door.

_Motherfucker. GO AWAY!_

Bella discontinued her suction and rolled out from underneath me. She got out from under the satin sheets and looked around the room. Her pink shorty was draped from the corner of a pulled out dresser drawer.

_Goddammit! Someone is going to die a million deaths…_

Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock!

"Well, it could be a very persistent Bible salesman?" Bella shrugged into her robe, confining her beautiful milky white skin, giggling at her own joke. I couldn't help but chuckle right alongside of her.

My hard-on was disappearing quicker than a virgin at a prison rodeo; I pulled on a pair of somewhat clean khaki's and my white wife beater undershirt. Bella handed me a lit cigarette sensing my frustration, placing a luscious kiss along the underside of my jaw, "I'll make breakfast."

Taking a long drag off of my tube of tobacco, my hands wrapped themselves around her tiny waist as I exhaled, "This was supposed to be breakfast."

I gave a low whine as she planted more deep indulgent kisses onto my throat.

The knocks came again, faster and more insistent, interrupting Bella's sweet tongue as it began to pepper my skin with its lovely caress.

"Jesus H. Christ! I'm coming!" I growled, pulling away from her. I stomped down the hallway like a pissed off little boy who was denied the last chocolate chip cookie after dinner.

I yanked open the front door to find the likes of a tiny, yet irritating, force of nature.

My sister.

Bella's assistant.

Alice Cullen-Whitlock.

"Well, it's about time, you big horse's ass." Alice pushed past me, her small frame adorned in a red Coco Chanel suit. Her matching red kitten heels tapped with a certain sense of authority as she made her way into my living room.

Shutting the front door, I replied with a valiant wave of my hand, "By all means, Alice, I wasn't busy. Please come right in." The door clicked shut.

I turned towards my sister with an irritating gaze, "What do you need so early in the morning, Alice?"

"Coffee, a cigarette, Isabella, and some breakfast." She retorted taking off her over-sized red hat, tossing it onto my couch. Alice began to pull off her short gloves, as she leaned against the back of my couch.

She continued, taking a slight glance of her watch, "Besides, it's not early. It's eleven in the morning. Half of my day is now over."

"I can get you coffee and a cigarette." I replied with a short tone.

Before I could grab my cigarette case, Alice had a long, daunting black cigarette filter hanging loosely from her lips, my silver table lighter in her hand already lighting the white cigarette paper.

"I want Isabella. I need to talk to her. Hef's people called me this morning saying they want to interview her for the article on the spread they're doing on her. I gave them Jacob's name and contact information and they specifically said Mr. Hefner had no intention on working with Jacob Black. They were given instructions to deal only with me and you."

"Well-" I began.

Without skipping a beat, Alice continued not allowing me to get in a word of explanation, "Well, isn't that a fine how-do-you-do? We're in a pickle Edward! And I don't mean a little one. I mean this is getting to be the debacle of the century."

Leave it to Alice to make mountains out of molehills.

"And I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill," Alice quipped as if reading my thoughts.

_How does she do that? Ever since we were kids…_

"Easy. I can read you like a damn book, Edward Cullen. You also don't think I should read so much into this," Alice replied to my thoughts.

"Fuck! Can you quit that?" I ran my hand through my hair again and stubbed out my almost-extinguished smoke into an ashtray.

"Well, Edward, are you going to explain yourself or am I going to have to get out a pencil and a piece of paper and have you draw me the scenario?"

I sighed as she looked at me expectantly. Alice tapped the long thin cigarette filter against her meticulously painted fingernails in irritancy.

Alice knew what was happening. She didn't have to ask.

"Are you going to answer me or do I have to beat you over the head with a Louisville slugger?"

Knowing my sister, she brought one with her.

"First-"

"I'm waiting." Alice replied placing her right hand on her hip. Her posture was impeccable.

"If you just shut up a minute, I can tell you!" I yelled.

Alice looked at me with a shocked expression on her face, "Well! If you're going to be rude about it, I don't know if I want to hear your explanation."

I rolled my eyes in response.

That was just so Alice.

"Rude? Me? Listen to me baby sister…I love you to death but for crying out loud, you barge in here unexpected on a Saturday morning expecting answers that I'm attempting to give you, and all you do is spit at me like a pit viper defending her nest. What do you want from me? An explanation or nothing at all?"

Alice crossed her arms, "Alright. I'm waiting…you repulsive annoyance."

I chuckled, "Bella and I went to see Hef last night-"

Alice already looked bored, "Speed it up, darling brother. I only have twenty minutes. Some of us don't live the life of Riley like some people I know."

"Shut-up! For Christ's sake-"

"You're going to hell, you know that right? First, for this little tryst you're having with Isabella and for using the Lord's name in vain so much."

_Ahhh…I see where you're going with this my dear, sweet Alice…_

"Are you going to let me tell you about the Hef deal, or do you want to lecture me on my personal life?"

I paused, then gave her a playful shove in the arm, continuing, "And besides, you know that I know that I'm going to hell." I gave her a mischievous look that could have melted butter on a winter's day in the midst of Michigan, but it didn't budge Alice. She was far from a joking mood.

Alice took a dainty drag off of the fiberglass filter. While she exhaled the thin trail of smoke, she replied, "I'm not finding this the least bit amusing. I can see we're all going to hell for your sins…hell-bound by association. When Isabella told me about her little 'vacation', I just about flipped."

"She could have just disappeared and not told anyone where she was going." I needed a shower.

"She could have, but she didn't because she is actually a responsible adult." Alice began twisting her foot at the ankle in a tight circle, picked at an invisible piece of lint on her skirt, then continued, "Unlike _some _individuals who have this diseased sense about responsibility and adulthood."

"Alice, please…you knew about her feelings for me way before I knew about them-"

Her head popped up. She looked me straight in the eye, her voice dropping below a whisper, interrupting me, "Yes, I did. I knew more than I needed to know, Edward. And I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her a couple weeks ago. Don't do anything stupid."

I laughed lightly, "That's what Heidi told me last week."

"Yes, well, its good advice that neither of you took. Now we are in the midst of a big project for Isabella that Jacob doesn't even know about. How are we supposed to explain that one when Jacob returns-"

Finally, I got to interrupt her, "She's leaving him Alice."

Alice looked like she swallowed a poisonous toad, "Wh-What?"

"Stop looking so shocked, Alice. As soon as Jacob gets back, she's telling Jacob about us and leaving him."

"Well…this changes things, now doesn't it?" Alice looked pensive. Her foot stopped twirling, her nervous fingers stopped tapping incessantly on the now-empty black cigarette filter.

Alice's sense of calm was almost disturbing. "Alice, what's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

Alice looked into my eyes. Her stare was no longer filled with authority, but fear, "You need to tell her, Edward. About Rose. About how Jacob tried to push himself on her. On the night of the engagement party."

"Why does she need to know?"

"You covered for him that night so she wouldn't get hurt. She's going to blame you for being forced to marry him. Because I know Isabella and if she had known that he did that, she would have never…" Alice trailed off.

"That's not the only reason I covered that mess up, Alice and you know it."

"If you're going to try to tell me that you did it for Jake-"

"I did it for Emmett. I did it for Jacob." I lit up another cigarette.

"And you did it for her, Edward. It's always about her. It has always _been_ about her."

Bella would never blame me for her bad marriage.

_Wouldn't she, Cullen? Especially if you had first hand knowledge about what happened that night. What kind of fuckery are you, Cullen?_

"What is wrong with what we have, Alice?" I hissed through clenched teeth. I strained to listen for the breakfast commotion of pots and pans. Bella didn't need to hear this conversation.

"Oh nothing at all. Are you stupid or what? I swear, mother dropped you on your head one too many times as an infant." Alice pursed her lips in annoyance, than stomped out her cigarette in the crystal ashtray.

All I heard was a cabinet door thud shut. Then silence. A glass clinked. More silence. Water began to pour out of my kitchen sink.

_Thank God. She's busy. _

"I'm happy, Alice. For once in my goddamn life, I'm happy."

_Adultery produces one thing, Cullen._

"You're happy? That's great Edward. I'm ecstatic that _you're_ happy. But this isn't just about you. This is about her. About you. About Jacob."

_Victims._

"This isn't about Jacob." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Yes, it is. He is her husband." Alice spat back quietly. She began to shake her head from side-to-side, than continued in a softer tone, "You're stealing from him, Edward."

_Alice sees it, Cullen. Why can't you?_

I shook my head vehemently, "No. I'm not stealing. If anyone stole anything, Jacob took her from me."

_Because I'm not stealing anything._

"You had your chance, honey."

"And what if opportunity is knocking again, Alice? Do I not open the door? And what if she was the one who acted on it? It was mutual. This wasn't one-sided."

Alice sighed, "Edward, I don't have the answers. I don't know. I do know there is a time for everything. A time to live. A time to die. And a time to love."

"What if this is our time to love?"

Alice met my gaze. Her tone grew unusually calm, "Is your love worth dying for?"

I laughed with disdain, "Why in the hell does everyone think Jacob's so damn dangerous? Are we talking about the same Jacob who cried when he fell off the roof when he was fourteen? Or the Jacob who screamed like a little girl when I popped out from behind the bushes on Halloween night when we were sixteen? Or what about the time-"

Alice interrupted me. Again.

"Things were different then, Edward. _He_ was different back than. Jacob wasn't consorting with the same people he is now."

"He's not an idiot, Alice. Jacob has done some stupid things in his life, but he's not a fool."

"Love makes people do crazy things."

"He wouldn't kill me for her." I felt like I was having déjà vu.

_Because you had this same conversation with Emmett, you fool._

Alice took a deep breath, walked around to the front of my couch and flopped down with a huff. She gave me a cynical smirk, "What in the hell am I talking about? You're absolutely right! He can barely open a door for her, let alone kill for her."

Alice beamed me a thousand watt smile of reassurance.

"Exactly." I replied in a confident tone. More confident than I felt.

"Now, what are you going to do when he gets back?"

"I'm leaving him, Alice." Bella stood against the doorjamb of my kitchen, holding a mint green coffee cup filled to the brim with a dose of liquid adrenaline, a grin pulling at her lips.

She walked over to Alice handing her a mug, than continued, "He comes back on Tuesday. I'll be waiting for him. Alone."

Bella and I exchanged a quiet look of understanding.

"Of course you are." Alice declared matter-of-factly, taking the cup of coffee between her dainty hands.

Alice sipped at the hot liquid noiselessly, than continued, "I hope you two know what you're doing."

Bella smiled, "Of course we don't. But that's where you come in, my dear, sweet Alice." Bella leaned into the couch, then placed a sweet peck onto Alice's small nose.

She stood up and handed Bella the mug back. She pecked me on the cheek, "I have to go to the quaint offices of Hugh Hefner and the new Playboy Publications. Well, I should say, his temporary Los Angeles office. The publication will be centered in Chicago, where I'll be heading after the reveal party on Sunday."

"What reveal party?" Bella and I inquired in unison.

"The reveal of the cover. Didn't Hef tell you about it last night?"

Bella and I shook our heads and shrugged our shoulders. He didn't mention a "reveal" party.

"No harm, no foul. Hef's people told me this morning that the reveal party will be at The Ambassador Hotel. Masquerade Ball. So, Isabella, I already have a black cocktail dress for you and your mask will be fitted tomorrow morning before the party. Be ready please. And Edward, I don't care what you go in, but make sure it's the tuxedo I'm having delivered tomorrow afternoon."

Alice looked at her watch, then continued, "Oh my word, I'm late."

She approached Bella, wrapping her arms around her best friend's shoulders, "Don't you ever try to butter me up again Isabella. Your sweet, irresistible charms may work on most men and women, but it doesn't work on me."

Bella broke the embrace, "It works on you, Alice. You just haven't noticed."

"I'll see you two at Rose and Em's tonight." Alice placed her hat atop her head, then turned to leave, continuing, "Eight o' clock. Don't be late. You know how Rose is about tardiness?"

I shook my head, smiling, "I know. Don't worry, we'll be there with bells on our toes at five minutes till eight."

"Don't be funny, Edward…and make it eight minutes till eight." My sister flashed me a quick smile, then looked at Bella, "And Isabella, honey, dress accordingly this evening."

"What did you leave laying out for me?"

Alice's electric smile dazzled as she shook her head approvingly, "You know me too well, Isabella. Your dress will be delivered this afternoon along with shoes and a handbag. Simple make-up to accentuate the glamorous dress."

"Jeez, Alice it's just Rose and Em's for dinner." I replied with a frown. I knew Bella's distaste for my sister's overzealous nature when it came to clothing, but Bella endured it. When it came to something as simple as dinner at our brother's house, I would have thought things would be a little more casual. My hopes were dashed at her mention of the word glamorous.

"Jeez, Edward, Jasper's coming home today and I want everything to be perfect and happy and…well, perfect." Alice mocked, her gaze floating from me to Bella, "No matter what our current situation might be."

With that, Alice flitted out of my front door just as quickly as she had entered.

"That's my Alice." Bella replied walking over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

Bella began to nuzzle the base of my neck, as I replied, "Do we get to finish what we started?"

Answering my question with silent sexual prowess, Bella ran her soft tongue along my bared collarbone sending me into a sudden fit of ecstasy.

Alice's words made a mad-dash through my brain.

_You're stealing from him, Edward._

How can you steal something that was rightfully yours to begin with?

_**DO IT! Leave me what I like! You know what I want ;)**_

_**Leave me some luvin'! You know how I love those reviews like Marilyn Monroe loved her halter dresses!**_

_**Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings! xoxoxoxox**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but the universe that has become the Pin-Up Girl belongs to me, Cozmedic**

**Props & Accolades (I'm a little long-winded today but there is a method to this madness…trust me, just read it): **

**Of course, no chapter would be complete without a dedication to my sis, my Beta, my friend…Kiki…I know I bug the shit out of you about each and every chapter and each time you tell me the truth and lo and behold I believe you and you end up being right. Where have you been all my life? LMAO**

**This chapter is also dedicated to those bright shining stars of Hollywood that burned out too soon: Jean Harlow, Sharon Tate, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, River Phoenix, Heath Ledger, Natalie Wood and the like. They are a huge part of this story and without them, it couldn't be done, because no one would be fascinated. They dazzle me. Period.**

**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ ~ Notes: **

***The actual home I used for Rose & Em's home in this chapter was demolished in 1994 and re-built as 10066 Cielo Drive***

**A March 1967 article in Playboy began, "This is the year that Sharon Tate happens…" and included six nude or partially nude photos taken by her husband, director Roman Polanski during the filming of her movie, **_**The Fearless Vampire Killers**_**.**

**Sharon Tate was hailed as one of Hollywood's promising newcomers, nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance in **_**Valley of the Dolls**_** in 1967. She appeared in fashion magazines as a model and cover girl throughout the 1960's. **

**Unfortunately, Sharon Tate was not fully recognized until her untimely death on August 9, 1969 at her home, 10050 Cielo Drive in Benedict Canyon at the hands of the Manson "family". **

**I used this address for Rose & Emmett's house, not to exploit Sharon Tate and the heinous crime committed to her, her unborn son or her friends, but as a homage to someone who's star burned out far before her time.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Sharon Tate, her unborn son, and her family who has fought to keep Charles Manson and the Manson "family" members behind bars since 1969. **

**Sharon Tate, you were a star, baby. **

**Smooches & Stars Forever ;)**

_**Chapter Nineteen ~**_

Benedict Canyon was the bell jar of Hollywood's elite.

It was the heartbeat of the machine still clearly on display for those who wanted to gawk. And behind the fragile glass was the sanctuary of solitude everyone craved.

Hollywood was chock-full of ego-driven psyches. We hungered for our seclusion, but were too ostentatious not to want to be watched, and the cylindrical glass vessel made the stars of present day feel safe and contained, but our wealth and fame were still fully visible to be paraded and boasted.

Each house was nestled strategically amongst steep and narrow winding roads, trees and illustrious landscaping, hidden by large over-sized iron gates covered in shrubbery.

As the skyline whipped past us, it made me realize that the canyon put us worlds away from the urban streets of Los Angeles without taking us out of the pulse of the city.

My brother and sister-in-law lived off a private street in the Canyon by the name of Cielo Drive. And sometimes finding it could be a bitch.

I maneuvered my convertible through the picturesque ravine until I approached an unpaved road camouflaged in beds of lush ivy. The vehicle approached a set of gates approximately three hundred yards from Benedict Canyon Boulevard.

Emmett and Rosalie's security guard, a smaller, older gentleman named Arthur, waved us through. I drove up the dirt road, watching the large iron gates close us into the property, until the red Normandy-style home came into view.

I parked and hopped out.

Bella stepped out and practically sprinted to my side, grabbing my hand as we walked side-by-side towards the winding concrete path. We were caught in our own silence. It was like the bell jar had vacuumed out the sound. A squirrel scurried up one of my brother's trees as we approached.

_Yes, my friend, gather the family. Get a good place to sit and watch the ensuing fireworks display._

I sniffed at the slight breeze that seemed to be draped in moisture. It was going to rain later. I could smell it.

_June gloom. Cold rain, warm breezes._

Bella gasped as we walked from the car down a small dirt path to the farm-red house that looked more like a cottage, although, that was the intent of its designer, Robert Byrd.

The house was originally commissioned several years before for the French film star, Michele Morgan. The minute Ms. Morgan placed it on the market for purchase Emmett stepped in, buying his new bride their home.

Bella's black, no-nonsense heels clicked up the long concrete pathway to the door. She looked over at me, "This doesn't seem real. I mean the house belongs in a fairy tale."

I placed my hand in the small of her back, leading her up to the doorway, "Emmett and Rose love it."

Before we could knock on the wide, white windowed door, Emmett appeared in its threshold in a black wool suit and tie ensemble. The Andrews Sistersseeped through the doorway.

"Welcome, my wonderful brother and his…his…companion, the very lovely, Isabella."

"Oh for heaven's sake, stop with the theatrics, will you?" I pushed past my brother, herding Bella past Emmett, through the front door.

Once we were safe inside the expansive hallway entry, I heard my brother sighing as he shut the door, "Nice to see you too Edward."

I suddenly felt a terrible pang of guilt pierce my heart. My family and I were unusually close. We tried to have dinner together at least twice a week. With our busy schedules that was next to impossible. With Bella in my life and my newfound secretive nature, I had not had a meal with my family in a little over two weeks.

I had been such a shit to them. To the ones who would love me unconditionally.

_Blood's thicker than water._

They were only looking out for me. For my well-being.

_They're your family. Your blood. Your voice of calm and reason in your world of chaos, remember Cullen?_

I looked over at Bella who gave me a look. The look that said, make amends.

_She was in my blood. She would be my wife. They have to accept her. Accept us._

I pulled Emmett into a hug, "It's nice to see you, Em."

Emmett pulled away from me laughing, "Watch the jacket. Rose will have my ass if I get wrinkled."

Just then, my angel of a sister-in-law appeared in a demure, but sexy mocha lace cocktail frock complete with an organdy overskirt. It had a fitted short-sleeved lace bodice with a gathered waist. Organdy floated with a romantic allure over the fitted skirt. Rose's blonde hair was neatly done up in a French twist.

Rose pecked me on the cheek, "Nice to see you Edward."

Rose turned to Bella, taking her into a reserved embrace, "Nice to see you as well Isabella. Can I take your wrap?"

"Thank you for having us, Rosalie." Bella chimed, removing the thin white fabric from her shoulders, handing it to Rose, then continuing, "You have a beautiful home."

"Thank you, Isabella. I'll have to give you the grand tour during drinks." Rosalie beamed, taking the white wrap into her possession, than hanging it in the entry hall closet as we passed by. Rosalie loved compliments on her home. She looked back at Bella as she led her to the living room, "What would you like? Gin and tonic, scotch…Martini perhaps?"

"A Martini would be wonderful, thank you."

"Edward?" Rose asked.

"Scotch and water, Rose."

The one thing I loved about Rose was that she loved to entertain. And she was exquisite at bartending. She hated it when someone else mixed her drinks. She loved doing it herself. It was a little eccentricity she had.

I smiled at Bella's elegance as she followed Rose into the warm and inviting living area. Her green and blue brocade Grenelle Estevez cocktail dress swished softly as she walked. Of course, she was stunning in the figure flattering dress. The square neck and back of the dress showed her perfect skin beautifully. She looked like an exquisite piece of art wherever she went.

Alice flitted over to Bella as soon as Rose disappeared behind the bar, throwing her tiny arms around my Bella's neck, almost squealing with delight, "I'm so glad you're here, honey!"

Bella hugged her back, "Me too."

"Dinner will be ready shortly," Jasper replied, walking into the room from the kitchen. A drink in one hand. A Chesterfield cigarette hanging haphazardly from his lips.

Jasper's smile was infectious as he made his way across the oatmeal colored carpet in four long-legged strides. His iron-clad grip wrapped around my right hand, then pulled me into a hug, patting me on the back, "You son-of-a-bitch! Where have you been? I thought you were coming out to Egypt for a couple weeks?"

He pulled away from me, looking over at Bella still shaking my hand enthusiastically. His cigarette bobbed between his lips as he spoke, "Isabella? Is Jacob here?"

Time seemed to stop as the white elephant in the room was finally revealed.

Peggy Lee's _Bali H'ai _began to croon through the speaker of the phonograph. Bella shifted uncomfortably from her left foot to her right. I noticed Rose's clinking at the bar ceased to exist, while Emmett cleared his throat.

Alice finally spoke, "Isabella is joining us for dinner tonight, darling. I thought it was due time. Jacob has been keeping her so busy…"

Jasper pulled the cigarette from between his lips, shook his head slightly in confusion, than kissed Isabella on the cheek, "Where are my manners, sweetheart? I haven't seen you in months and I don't even give you the proper greeting you deserve. I was just surprised I didn't see Jacob glued to your hip."

Even after living in California all these years, Jasper still had a slight Texas twang lacing his smooth voice.

"If you will all excuse me, Alice, can you show me the way to the ladies' room?" Bella nervously bit at her bottom lip, giving me a small smile.

"Of course, honey." Bella followed Alice towards the other end of the house.

As Alice slipped past me, she replied in a harsh whisper, "Explain quickly and try not to ruin my husband's homecoming."

I watched them go, shaking my head gently in understanding, then made my way to lean against the bar.

_Fuck._

Rose poured the Scotch with an expert hand, replying with a smirk, "So, where is the wolf in sheep's clothing anyway?"

I rolled my eyes with open accord at her disgust, "C'mon Rosalie. We're over that now, aren't we?"

Rose stopped pouring the Scotch, then slammed the glass bottle onto the bar top, giving me a glare that would cut ice on the coldest day in the Arctic Circle. I jumped slightly as the glass hit the wood.

Running my right hand through my hair, I fished in my jacket pocket for my pack of cigarettes with my left.

Jasper noticed my flustering and handed me a Chesterfield. I lit it and inhaled deeply.

_How long can Alice keep Bella occupied?_

Emmett's eyes narrowed to slits, "I don't think she's over anything, Edward. Don't you dare make light of that situation at the Grove."

"Hey!" I slammed my fist onto the bar in aggravation. My whole body tensed in response to Emmett's comment. Jasper jumped slightly at my outburst, then lit another cigarette. He was chain-smoking. Which was the equivalent to stress.

_Reel it in, Cullen. They have more right to be pissed about that night then you do._

In my head, I counted backwards…

_5…4…3…2…_

I let out a long sigh, regaining some of my inner composure. I turned back to Emmett, "I remember that night all too well, but I think we need to let it go."

"Jacob almost threw us to the wolves! And Rosalie could've been hurt. Badly." Emmett clenched his fist in remembrance.

I shook my head trying to remove the haze of the nightmare from the corners of my mind.

_Smile. Make nice. It's supposed to be a fun, light evening. For everyone._

I shrugged, changing my demeanor in a smooth instant, "But I made it right."

"For who? Jacob?" Emmett's voice began to soften.

_For Bella._

"For you and Rose," I replied in a light tone. I took another drag, allowing the smoke to wind its way through my throat into my lungs.

In truth, it _was_ for Emmett and Rose. Jasper. Jacob. All of them. That cover-up was to help them as much as it was for Bella.

_Keep telling yourself that, Cullen. It was about her. _

It wasn't just about Bella and her happiness. It was about my family and what they had already been through. I didn't want that for them. We had lived under the scrutinizing eyes of the press for months. They had made us miserable.

Bella, I had thought, was happy with Jacob. She looked like she was thrilled after the proposal. And after what Jacob had been through in the war, I wanted him to finally be happy. I thought that's what he had found. Bella made him happy. Jacob made Bella happy…so I had thought.

_And that blew up in your face too. She was miserable with him…you have proof of that. She's with you, now._

Emmett let a slow grin spread across his face, "What would I do without you, brother?"

That was Emmett. A smile and a promise, and the man could easily be pacified. At least for the moment.

I put my arm around Emmett's wide shoulders. "You would constantly have to worry about your sorry ass hanging out in the open," I chuckled lightly.

"The brotherly love you two share is nothing short of stimulating," Rose scoffed, then continued, "That still doesn't answer my question. Where is the dog and why is she here with you? This homecoming for Jasper is about family. As far as I knew Isabella isn't part of this family. She's your i_client/i_, Edward."

Emmett had yet to tell his Rose about Bella and me.

"She's more than a client now," Emmett responded with a chuckle, hitting me softly in the shoulder with his fist.

_Aw, shit-ski, whit-ski!_

"What's that supposed to mean, Em?" Rose gripped the neck of the Scotch bottle with white-knuckle strength.

"C'mon Rose, what do you think it means?" Emmett still didn't realize what he was saying to his wife. And Rose was putting the puzzle pieces together all too quickly.

"What? Who? Are you kidding me?" Rose stammered, a dark look crossing her features. Her eyes turned the color of a winter storm, "After all the trouble she has caused us? You and her? Do you know what this will do to us, Edward? To our family? To you? Jacob can obliterate us! He will destroy you, Edward!"

Jasper cut into Rose's hysterical fit with a soothing tone, "Rose, sweetheart, let's think about this

logically-"

Rose cut in, "Logic has surpassed Mr. Happy Pants over here! Why do I have to be logical? I won't let my career be flushed down the toilet because of The Cock and His Tease! I will not let you destroy all of us for your sinful tryst!" Rose stopped, then snidely continued, "It has always been about the very lovely Isabella Swan, hasn't it Edward? You keep saying the cover-up was to help Em, but-"

I cut her off, "Excuse me? I just got finished telling you I did that for all of you! For this family!"

Rose's voice dropped to a low, strained decibel, "That was not for us. That was for her. That silly woman. Everything with you has been about her. I didn't go to the coppers that night because-"

"Because NOTHING. HAPPENED. TO. YOU!" I shouted. My voice reverberated throughout the high-ceilinged room.

I ran my hand through my hair once more, bringing my voice to a tolerable level, "Rose, I remember that night. It wasn't a big how-do-you-do. I fixed it. I fixed it so no one got hurt."

"Do you remember what happened that night, Edward?" Rose asked glaring at me.

I would always remember that night…like a bad dream…

Jacob proposed to Isabella. And just like that, she said yes.

So, being who Jacob was, and unbeknownst to Isabella, Jacob took over the Cocoanut Grove at the Ambassador Hotel for the ultimate engagement party. He said Isabella deserved the best.

Isabella was beautiful that night. As uncomfortable as she was with such a large event planned in her and Jacob's honor, she was still the best hostess in her attempts to keep people entertained.

The night dragged by like Father Time had tied a noose around the neck of the minute hand.

I was leaning against the center railing of the club amongst its many fake palm tress, watching the cigarette girls parade their goods back and forth across the party. Sparing no expense, Jacob had even hired Frank Sinatra to sing at the club.

The crooner began to sing, _So In Love_. God I hated that song.

Emmett and Jasper slapped me on the back, breaking me out of my self-loathing, "Hey, check out Jake…He's got Isabella pinned into that corner behind the trees. Bastard can't even wait till the wedding night," Jasper snickered, taking another drink.

Emmett's eyes began to take on a mischievous twinkle under the dull lighting of the club. That look always got the three of us in trouble, and that night would be no exception.

I shook my head, knowing full well what was running through my brother's head. "I want no part of this Emmett. You want to go fuck around with Jacob and Isabella, that's your own business. I will stay here and finish my drink like a good boy."

"You were never a good boy, Edward. And you have been nursing the same drink for the past two hours. You are the soberest person here…Hey Jasper, is that a word? So-ber-est?"

Jasper laughed a little too loud, "Don't know. Don't care, but I like the way you think Emmett. Let's welcome Isabella to the family."

I could do nothing, but follow at that point. What the hell else was I going to do? Sit against the railing all night and cry into my bourbon?

Probably not too good of an idea.

As Jasper, Emmett, and I got closer to Jacob, my stomach began to do a double-heave.

"Oh Christ!" I replied. Emmett and Jasper looked at me, then glanced back at Jacob.

It wasn't Isabella that Jacob had pinned in a dark, discreet corner of the Cocoanut Grove.

It was Rosalie. Emmett's girlfriend.

She was visibly struggling under Jacob's weight and height.

"Jake, I tried to be nice, but this isn't funny anymore. Get off of me!" I was almost too stunned to move as I heard Rose's cries.

"C'mon baby, you know you can't possibly be satisfied by that murderer over there. You know I got somethin' you want." Jacob slurred as he grabbed his crotch, pushing his face into her neck.

"You're drunk Jacob! I'm not Isabella."

"I know. I prefer blondes."

"Jacob, you're a fucking beast!" The band began to play Glen Miller's "Tuxedo Junction", drowning out Rosalie's piercing voice amongst horns and drums.

I scanned the room.

Where the fuck was Isabella? This would kill her. I knew Jacob could be philandering horse's ass, but I thought Isabella changed him. I thought that's why he proposed.

_And what about Rose, you retarded son-of-a-bitch? You going to let Jacob push himself on Rose like that? She's almost your sister._

_WAKE UP DUMB ASS!_

My eyes scanned the room once more. Photographers and press everywhere.

Leave it to Jake to fucking shoot himself in the foot for wanting press at his delusion of grandeur.

Fuck, he was going to ruin everything: What he had with Isabella, his career, everything, because he couldn't control his goddamn drinking or his cock.

One little slip up in this town and the press would have you for breakfast and the public would pick at your bones. Jacob still refused to learn that lesson.

Emmett followed my line of sight to Rose's struggle. Before Jasper and I could react, Emmett had pulled Jacob off of Rosalie, slamming him into the wall.

_Fuck me running._

What happened next scared the piss out of me. And he was my brother.

Without an ounce of hesitation, Emmett slammed Jacob into the wall a second time, cocked his fist back and hit Jacob like he was an opponent rather than his friend.

Blood splattered onto Emmett's white tuxedo shirt from Jacob's unsuspecting chin.

Emmett knew how to throw a punch; I had to give him that.

But, it was in Emmett's nature to fight. It's what made him a phenomenal boxer, but it's also what almost put him away for life.

Just a few weeks before, Emmett had gotten a 'not guilty' verdict in the accidental death of Timmy "Two Face" Johnson. The first round lasted two punches. Emmett hitting Two-Face. Two-Face hitting the floor. Two-Face Johnson was pronounced dead at LA General an hour later.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen was the attending physician.

The media blitz was unrelenting for our family for months.

The rag hags thought it was a conspiracy. Rose was Two-Face's cousin's wife. Two-Face had publically humiliated Rose just weeks before calling her out to the press for cheating on his cousin. And it just-so-happened Dr. Cullen was the attending physician when Two-Face was brought to the hospital. Too many fingers had been pointed to Emmett.

After two and a half months of vicious attacks on my brother, his girlfriend, and our family, I wasn't going to allow it to happen again. And I was still protective of Jacob. So instead, I took the easiest possible out.

I looked around the ballroom, taking in the spectacle we were becoming. Several party-goers were becoming curious spectators at the scuffle that was transpiring. Curiosity typically turned into meddling, so, in order to save Isabella her heartache, Jacob's worthless ass, and my brother's reputation, I did the demented.

I threw my full body weight into Emmett. Jasper followed suit and helped me wrangle Emmett's half-drunk frame to the wall. Emmett struggled as Jacob slid from his grip, down the wall, onto the floor.

Emmett had knocked him out in one punch. Again.

_Fuck._

"Emmett, I'm going to let you go. When I do, you're going to walk away. Jasper, I want you to get Jake out of here. NOW! I will take care of Rosalie."

"What are you doing?" Jasper seethed.

"This will ruin each of us. Especially Isabella." I motioned to her curious eyes as we held Emmett against the wall. She began to walk over to our little brouhaha. "She'll look like the fool."

"Did you see what Jacob was doing?" Jasper hissed, watching Emmett's anger boil, "If we hadn't walked over-"

"Shut-up! Here she comes and a photographer is hot on her heels. If I don't fix this, all of us are done. Do you understand? This only confirms what they already think of Em and I can't let them see this…this…fuckery."

_Emmett will look like someone who should have been convicted. Jasper would look like an accessory to assault. Rosalie will look like a victim._

I turned to Emmett, "Do you understand?"

_Jacob will look like a philandering idiot. Isabella would look like the village idiot. _

Emmett glared at me. His breath ran ragged through his clenched teeth, his fist still cocked at an unconscious Jacob.

_If you do this Cullen, you'll look like a womanizer and Rose will look like a drunken starlet._

Emmett relaxed his fist, bringing it down gently, "Yes. I. Understand. But you better keep him the fuck away from me or I'll kill the son-of-a-bitch! Do _you_ understand _me_, Edward?"

_Perception is reality. In Hollywood, that is always the case. _

Jasper and I released Emmett's shoulders. Emmett shrugged his jacket into place, wiped some of the blood from his face, hurriedly leaving the scene of the crime.

I turned quickly back to Isabella and the photographer who had gotten caught between several groups of partygoers.

Rosalie was visibly shaking at the thought of what could've happened. The photographer and Isabella were getting closer as Jasper pulled Jacob into the open door three feet from where we stood.

"Rose? Rose? Look at me!" I demanded as I brought my arms up, resting my hands on each side of her head.

Rose's scared eyes found mine, "Edward?" Any traces of alcohol left in her were gone. She looked into my eyes with frightened, adrenaline-induced clarity.

"Rose, I can only say this once. You're an actress, and dammit right now you have to act like it."

I leaned my head into Rose's ear and whispered gently, "Sweetheart, I know you're scared, but whatever you do, just follow me. For god's sake act like you want me. Kiss me." I took a deep breath and pushed my lips into hers. Without even asking, she threw her arms around my neck, willingly. In my peripheral vision, I saw two light bulb pops and turned my head away from hers.

Rose released my neck and smiled drunkenly at the photographer.

Isabella's honor and virtue were safe. My family was safe.

And I was a mess.

Just another night in the life of Edward Cullen.

I shook the horrendous memories from the dark corners of my mind.

I should have left it all alone. I should have let things fall into place naturally. Shouldn't have messed with destiny. Because if I let things fall into its natural order, Bella would have never married Jacob. She would have been legitimately mine instead of me stealing from another man.

_Finally realizing you're stealing?_

_Shut up, asshole._

I looked from Rose to Emmett to Jasper, "I know I took the path of the least resistance. If I hadn't done what I did, Jacob could've looked like a womanizer and you would've looked guilty as sin for beating the shit out of him so soon after that Johnson incident, so I kept your ass out of jail that night and made Jacob believe it was me making out with Rose. He was so drunk he didn't wake up for twenty hours. I thought he slipped into a coma."

"And instead, Rose looked like another drunken tart starlet, while you looked like the womanizing fool." Emmett replied bitterly.

"And Isabella? What about her?" I shot back.

"Isabella? Who gives a shit about Isabella, Edward! Goddamn, I am so sick of it always being about her!" Rose picked up her drink, tossed back a swallow, than looked at me.

Rose leaned towards me, her face two inches from mine, "Edward, I know you were doing what was right in your head at the moment, but dammit, not everything is about Isabella."

_That's what I've been told._

Emmett grabbed his drink, than turned to me, "Do you know what it was like for her Edward? Rose could've been raped. It was a nightmare for her."

_Bella was forced. It was a nightmare for Bella that could have been prevented if you let things take their natural course._

"But she wasn't raped. She's fine. You are fine. I'm fine. I made the mess smaller."

_Bella was unhappy. Bella was…miserable. You were unhappy. And when all is said and done, will she blame you for her unhappiness, Cullen?_

A thoughtful look crossed Emmett's angry features. He softened a bit, then put his hand on my shoulder, "Yes, you did make that mess smaller and I will be eternally grateful for that Edward, but you really have to understand that not everything is about Isabella."

"It is about her. I love her, Emmett. Are you going to begrudge me my soul mate? Did any of us do that to the two of you?"

Emmett and Rose looked at each other. Guilty.

"No. No, Edward, you didn't." Jasper replied looking at Emmett and Rose.

We all looked at each other in silence for a solid half a minute. No words were exchanged. Just looks of guilt and shame.

Emmett cleared his throat again, "Edward, you've always done the right thing. We expect nothing less from you now."

_Of course not._

The truth of the matter was, the lines of truth were becoming blurred.

Did I make my life out to be about Bella Swan? Did I live my life for her? Was I stealing from a man I once called my brother?

Just then, I heard a slew of familiar voices interrupting my thoughts. All of us relaxed as my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen and my mother, Esme, walked into the living room. Trailing behind were Alice and Bella.

I threw my exhausted cigarette butt into a small amber ashtray, grabbed my drink and made my way towards my mother, kissing her on the cheek, "Mother, so nice to see you."

My mother pecked me on the cheek, "Nice to see you son." She pulled away from me. "I see Isabella has joined us this evening?"

My mother's eyes gave me a knowing look, smiling softly.

My father grabbed my hand into a hearty handshake, "I see your hand is healing nicely. Who removed the stitches?"

"I did." I replied with a smug grin, noticing the bits of scarred flesh on my hand.

"You should've been a doctor," Carlisle commented, handing his dark gray overcoat to Emmett's maid, Mary.

"Carlisle let's not beat that dead horse," My mother replied as she helped herself to the silver case on the mantle.

My father had always wanted me to follow in his footsteps. But he never made me feel like I was a disappointment.

My father rolled his eyes as he made his way over to Jasper, "Son! How was Egypt?"

"Hot, dry and exhausting." Jasper replied smiling, giving my mother a peck on her cheek. "Thank God, we shoot at the Paramount lot for the next three weeks."

Jasper prattled on about the desert, Elizabeth Taylor and all the quirks about filming in a country other than our own. I tuned out.

I looked over at Bella chatting with my sister quietly in the corner, nursing her drink. Bella locked eyes with me and smiled broadly.

Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Heidi….they all said the same thing.

_It's not always about Isabella._

_You're stealing from him._

_Don't do anything stupid, Edward._

I smiled back.

I needed her. She was my air that I breathed. When Bella wasn't around, I felt…

_Incomplete._

They didn't understand the connection Bella and I shared. My family didn't know how much love we had for each other.

Strangers did. Why was it so evident to them?

Hef, Carolyn, Andrew, Paulie Pink…

_You belong together._

_You two look good together._

_The two of you came in here as individuals, but you will leave here as one._

_You need to keep things open and above board._

Interrupting my thoughts, Mary re-appeared, "Dinner is ready, Mrs. Cullen."

I grabbed my drink off the bar and headed to the dining room, ushering Bella to the back of the house where we were to have dinner.

We were seated and settled within a short fifteen minutes. A bowl of soup sat in front of me. Its contents were red, creamy, dashed with a glob of white in the center of the pristine china.

After a few spoonfuls, my father cleared his throat, "Isabella, what are you currently working on?"

_Divorcing Jacob._

Bella dabbed at the corners of her mouth, then replied, taking a small sip of wine, "I just sealed a deal with Hugh Hefner and his new endeavor."

My father raised a speculative eyebrow. I knew that look. Not disappointed, but surprised, "Was that Jacob's doing, Isabella?"

She giggled lightly, giving my father a shy half-grin, "No sir. Not quite."

"Did you arrange that son?" he inquired, propping his elbows on the white linen tablecloth and lacing his fingers together like he was addressing a patient.

I took a sip of water, swishing the ice cold liquid through my mouth. I swallowed hard. "No. Isabella sealed the deal on her own, Dad. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself."

"Well, it looks like you don't need Jacob anymore if you're sealing your own deals, right Isabella?" Rosalie wore a smug smile on her face as she sipped her soup.

"Isabella never needed Jacob." The fuse in my brain had switched to defensive.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow, "No need to get on the defensive Edward."

Bella placed a hand on my knee under the table. Her hand began a slow tortuous crawl up my thigh.

My mother cleared her throat, "Isabella, have you done the photo shoot already?"

"I have, Mrs. Cullen. It was a beautiful set up. The breeze was perfect. The setting was incredible." Bella looked over at me and smiled slyly, "Edward has a keen eye for environment when working with his subjects."

"He's kept his eye on only you for a while now and it seems he has acquired the prize." Rosalie whispered taking another sip of her soup.

Emmett whispered his warning in a harsh tone, "Rose!"

I clenched my jaw. Better let Emmett take care of his wife.

Bella's hand went straight to my upper thigh, giving me a light squeeze. Bella's eyes never left mine as she spoke with reverie and confidence, "Rosalie, under normal circumstances, it would be quite forward of you to make such a bold remark. Again, that would be under normal circumstances. But being that you're among family and the fact remains that my being here is a little strange, I can see where you found your audacity. Especially in the comfortable surroundings of your own home. I will not disrespect you, nor will I engage in your frightfully childish banter. Maybe we can discuss this further, in private, after dinner?"

Bella turned her gaze towards Rose with a look of brim and hellfire lacing her beautiful doe eyes.

Rose, holding her water glass within the tight confines of her grasp, pursed her lips into a tight line. She forced a wry smile, and then replied, "I guess we will have this conversation later then?"

I grabbed Bella's hand under the table as my father spoke, "Isabella? Rosalie? I do not quite understand what is going on here, ladies…"

Jasper looked at me, making his attempt at changing the subject, "Edward, I heard Jenks wants you in New York. At _Life_ magazine. On staff. Is that true?"

Bella's head turned towards me. Her eyes were searching my face. If the situation could have gone from bad to worse, it just had.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, "I…uh…yes, he does want me there, but I haven't made up my mind yet. Where'd you hear that from Jasper?"

I couldn't even look at Bella. I hadn't told her because there was no reason to.

Jasper looked from me to Bella, his engaging smile disappearing, "Um, I just heard…um…I heard it from Alice. Wasn't it you, doll?"

Alice cleared her throat, coming to life, "I saw it in _Variety_, Edward. I thought it was public knowledge. But I mean you have kind of disconnected from life for the past couple of weeks…" Alice trailed off, looking away from my penetrating stare.

"When were you going to tell me?" Bella whispered softly. Slowly.

I looked over at her, "I didn't feel it was necessary to talk about it if I hadn't made a decision yet, Bella…"

"Is that why you proposed?"

"No." I whispered.

"You proposed to a married woman? Edward, when you and I spoke a couple weeks ago, I didn't think you had acted on…on this…whatever this is." My father's voice shocked me out of the private circle Bella and I had thought we had created.

I looked up at each of the faces around the table. They all looked like they were carved out of stone as they watched the exchange in silence.

We all sat silenced for a few seconds, before my father sighed, "Edward. ..Isabella…oh, Jesus, this is Emmett and Rose all over again."

My father looked over at my mother, grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. Esme looked up at both Bella and I and replied, "I think what you're father is trying to say is that you two are the only ones who can help yourselves out of this. Edward, you know that we will help you in any way we can and we will be as supportive of the two of you as we were with Rose and Emmett. You know we don't judge any of our children or their decisions." My mother looked over at Emmett and Rosalie, then continued, "None of us have the right to judge. No matter what."

I let go of Bella's hand that went limp, walked over to my mother and kissed her on the top of her head, "Thank you."

Mary brought out beautiful plates filled with steak and roasted potatoes.

Rosalie looked at her plate, picked up her fork and began picking at her food, "Well, we better eat before it gets cold."

As my father adjusted his napkin in his lap, he replied, "Never a dull moment in this family."

I looked over at Bella once more, who moved her potatoes around her plate with awkward silence, "We'll talk about this later," I whispered, keeping my sights on my plate. My green beans were the perfect color of fresh grass on a summer day.

Bella put her fork down quietly and replied under her breath before throwing back the remains of her wine, "Damn right we will discuss this later. There's no question about that one."

_You have some explaining to do, Cullen…_

I sighed as I cut into my steak.

It was going to be a long night.

We sat in silence on the drive back to Chateau Marmont.

As soon as we were under the safety of the awning of the parking attendant, Bella hopped out without waiting for me.

I tossed my keys to Vincent, looked up at the hovering clouds, and turned my attention back towards the car, "Can you put the top up? I think it's going to rain tonight."

I slipped Vincent a ten dollar bill for his trouble, and without waiting for a response, sprinted inside to the elevator where Bella stood waiting.

"You didn't say anything on the way home," I started.

Bella pushed the button on the elevator twice within ten seconds, watching the dial on the elevator shaft slowly creep its way towards the number '1'.

Silence.

"I thought we were going to discuss this?" I was exasperated.

The elevator doors swung open. Bella stepped in and I followed.

_You're always following her, Cullen._

"Top floor," Bella spoke softly to the elevator attendant, then stared straight ahead.

"Yes, miss. For you sir?"

"I'm with her," I replied as the doors closed.

_I'd follow her to hell if she asked me to._

The elevator ride was painfully silent. I shifted from my left to my right. Then back to my left. Bella tapped her foot impatiently until the doors opened up to reveal the familiar black and white tile.

Bella bolted out of the elevator shaft, making her way towards the suite.

I pulled the hotel room key out of my pocket, caught up to the door where Bella stood impatiently, unlocked the tumbler, pushing the door open, allowing her to make her way.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Bella spun around to face me, "Were you going to tell me?"

I dropped the hotel key onto the end table near the couch, took off my wool coat and turned on the lamp. A soft glow enveloped the room. I draped my coat along the back of the couch, then loosened my navy blue Don Loper silk tie. I felt like hanging myself with it. It had been a shitty night and I could tell this was not going to end well.

"No, I wasn't going to tell you because it wasn't necessary. I'm not taking the job, Bella."

Bella sighed with a heavy breath, then went to the bedroom. On her way she had slipped off her shoes, throwing them into the doorway of the room as she walked. She fumbled with the metal zipper on the side of her dress, then slipped it around her ankles, tossing it with her foot onto the bed. She was wearing only her lace bra, panties, and garters.

She was even more gorgeous when she was angry.

Unclipping the garters, she replied in a softer tone, "Are you going to hide things from me anymore, Edward?"

I slipped my tie from around my head, beginning to unbutton the white dress shirt, "No."

Within seconds, Bella had rolled her thigh highs from her legs, "Do you promise?"

Walking over to the open bedroom window, she threw the wadded silk into another corner of the room. Then she just stood there. In the open window. Allowing the moon to bathe her precious skin in its soft luster.

Again, I followed after her.

I glanced out the open window. Shadows of cars lined the busy street. Faceless figures shrouded in darkness walked briskly below us. Some shadows were obvious couples walking hand-in-hand, trying to get away from the impending rainstorm that would break the sky at any moment.

Every now and again a shock of lightning would light up the darkness and the lifeless shapes would have more descript meaning to them. Faces would appear. Lines of the vehicles became more defined. I noticed little pelts of rain started to pound the concrete below. The slight breeze created goose flesh down my arms.

I shed my shirt from my body, and took off my wife beater. I ran my hand down her shoulder, taking in the softness of her skin. It was like the finest silk from the best weavers. Feather light and smooth.

I nuzzled my face into the side of her neck, winding my arms around her waist again, "I promise."

I heard Bella breathe deeply as she brought her head closer to mine, "Forever and ever?"

I continued, "I swear on our lives. Never again will I hide things from you. Forever and ever."

The rain was falling harder as she brought her hands to my hair. I began to plant soft kisses along the side of her neck.

The slight breeze shifted direction, sending the free-falling droplets towards the open window, "Close the window and come to bed." Bella whispered as she pulled away from me.

As I was closing the pane of glass, lightning struck again, cracking against the black sky. People were scattering to their cars in a hurried fashion as the rain came down harder.

Everyone except one.

Curiosity got the better of me as I stared at the unmoving human figure six stories below me.

_Probably a press hound watching the Chateau for a good gossip column piece for tomorrow's paper._

Nonetheless, I continued to stare at the dark shadow as I was fumbling with the lock on the window.

It was just standing there. Nothing phased it. Not the rain. Not the people. Nothing.

Was the person looking up into the rain?

_Odd._

I stared harder into the black pitch, hoping to get a glimpse of the faceless individual.

"Are you coming to bed?" Bella inquired as I stood there.

I turned around to see her naked form glowing in the subtle moonlight.

I looked back to the person down below, "Yeah…just locking the window."

"Edward, we're several stories up. I don't think we'll have an issue with someone breaking in." I could tell she was smiling at me through her words.

Just then the lightning broke loose on the ebony sky once more.

I don't know if it was the alcohol from dinner, my paranoia, or just my eyes playing cruel jokes on me, but as the several sharp pains of light emblazoned the sky, for that one split second, I thought I could make out the one person who wasn't moving on the street below.

The one who stood motionless in the rain.

_Jacob._

_**Did you like it? Huh? Huh? What'd you like? What'd you love? You want the rest of the story? Keep leavin' me that love, my sweets! ;) The Pin-Up Girl is almost finished…keep reading! **_

_**Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings! xoxoxoxoxox**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**Thanks & Much Love: To my girl, the bestest Beta ever, my sister Kiki. And to my cyber-bestie, CLPSuperstar, my fucking nympho queen… who just schooled me in the difference between a halla & a holler…the difference? Only Californians say holler…LMAO**

**Props & More Love: Girls, I want you to give it up once again for our Glam Gal, CAROLYN! She's back, and she's got herself a Gin and tonic…Thank you again, girl! ;)**

**Disclaimer from Mary (Mama Cougar):**

**WARNING:**** The Surgeon General has determined that reading **_**The Pin-Up Girl**_** can lead to excessive panting, sweating, sharp increases in libido, incontinence, drooling, pallor, and a distinct lemon taste in the mouth. **_**Read with caution**_** and possibly a pair of Depends undergarments.**

_**Chapter Twenty ~**_

I woke up in the middle of the night restless, and a little disturbed.

I stared at the white popcorn ceiling, concentrating on its rough peaks and valleys. I couldn't relax. Every muscle fiber in my body was tense and strained. I tried counting sheep, muscle relaxation, and even a cigarette or two. Nothing worked. I was ready to grab a handful of sleeping pills I kept in my bag for when I travelled to different time zones and couldn't sleep, but I hated doing that.

Jacob's face, the concerns of my family, and ultimately, the promises that I had made to Bella played over and over in my head until I wanted to scream.

Irritated and sleep deprived, I threw the blankets from my body, grabbed a new pack of cigarettes, my small silver Zippo, and headed out to the terrace. On my way out, I grabbed a crystal glass and a half-full bottle of bourbon.

I stood under the beige and black awning of the terrace, poured myself a full glass of the amber liquid, lit up the cigarette, and watched the rain come down in sheets.

I had stood at that damn bedroom window for a solid minute straining my eyes to see if it was who I thought it was. By the time another bolt of lightning had cracked at the sky, illuminating the street below, the man was gone, Bella had pulled me into her arms, and it was forgotten.

At least for a couple of hours.

Now, it haunted me.

_Was it him? _

No. It couldn't have been him. If I knew Jacob, he would make his presence known the minute he landed his feet on solid ground. No question about that one. He wasn't a goddamn stalker of the night. Jacob was an asshole, but he would never hide within shadows of darkness in the rain at midnight watching a hotel room. Besides, who would tell him?

_Heidi?_

No, too much loyalty there on her part.

_Loyalty to the good ol' American dollar, and you kept her rolling in enough of that._

I walked to the edge of the awning, peering over the intricate iron-wrought railing to the street below, to the place I thought I saw him. No one was down there.

_Why would he still be standing there, Cullen?_

Because I'm fucking his wife and if I were him, I'd probably do the same thing.

_You're diseased._

Noted, for the hundredth time.

I flicked my almost extinguished cigarette over the edge of the terrace into the rain. Throwing back another swallow of liquor, I walked into the two-foot space that the awning did not shield from the downpour.

Heavy, penetrating drops of cold liquid doused my skin, cleansing away the black thoughts that plagued me. I didn't want to think about what I would do if I were in Jacob's place, or what was going happen when he got back. All I wanted was to enjoy the next few days of uninterrupted time I had with her.

We could deal with reality when it approached us.

I swallowed the remaining contents of the glass. The poison began its arduous crawl through my veins. My muscles began to unravel one fiber at a time with each passing minute I stood in the rain.

I don't know how much time had lapsed or how many more glasses of bourbon I had downed, or even how many cigarettes I had smoked. The last thing I remembered was not caring what happened when Jacob got back. All I knew is that he wouldn't take her from me like he had the first time.

The morning sun hit my eyes at some God-awful hour. I wasn't sure what time it was and really didn't give a good goddamn. The rain had stopped and a new day had emerged with crystal blue skies and clean air.

I yawned, scratched my balls, and stood to stretch out the kinks in my back.

_Sun loungers were not meant for sleeping on._

A tiny sparrow landed on the edge of the black railing and chirped merrily at the dawn of the new day. I scowled at him, "Don't be so chipper. The day hasn't even begun yet."

The sparrow looked at me and flew off. He must have sensed my morning irritability.

I ran my hand through my hair, rubbed my face and scratched my bare chest. I looked down at my cotton pajama bottoms still damp from the rain. I cracked the kink out of my neck, grabbing my cigarettes off of the outdoor end table.

_Enjoy the next couple of days, Cullen. Be with her. Love her. _

"Did you ever fall asleep last night?"

Her voice was like an angel's whisper.

"I did eventually." I let the smoke trail through my nostrils as I continued to stare out at the quiet street.

I heard her bare feet pad across the concrete of the terrace. Bella stood next to me, then leaned her head on my shoulder, "It's going to be fine, Edward."

I wrapped my arm around her small frame, watching the streets of Los Angeles being shocked to life.

The silence we shared was comfortable. Peaceful. Like the words she had just spoken were a true affirmation of what I needed to hear.

After a few more unspoken moments, she lifted her head and looked at me through her thick lashes, "I'll tell you what…I'm going to run a hot bath for you. I'll order a pot of oatmeal with some fresh strawberries and cream from room service. And a steamy pot of coffee."

I grinned, throwing my cigarette butt over the ledge. Bella laced her fingers into mine and began pulling me back into the room, "Let me take care of you, Edward."

"I think I like the sound of that."

"Go grab your clothes and I will run your bath."

I waggled my eyebrows, "Will you be in the tub waiting?"

"I might be." Bella threw me a sly grin as she turned and sashayed towards the bathroom.

As I turned towards the bedroom, the telephone let out a shrill ring. I looked back at Bella who was already on her way to answer it.

_One ring…two rings…_

"Don't touch it!" she demanded with a smile, "You go get your stuff. I told you I would take care of you today and you're not going to ruin it right off the bat."

I held up my hands as I turned back towards my destination, "I surrender!"

I heard her pick up the phone behind me, "Hello?" she answered in a sing-song voice.

I rummaged through the top drawer of the small hotel dresser, looking for my razor when my ears piqued, "No, Alice. I'm not going to worry about this now."

I chuckled as I looked at the small Big Ben alarm clock that sat on the nightstand.

_Only Alice would call at seven o' clock in the morning._

Bella's voice went from light and airy to strained and hushed, "I'm not going home right now to do that, Alice."

I paused, listening.

"For the last time Alice, I don't give a rat's ass what-"

_Alice must have interrupted her._

Bella started again, "Alice shut up and listen to me. I will deal with it later."

Another pause.

_What will she deal with later?_

My stomach began a head-first dive off of a very tall cliff. And there was no water to cushion the fall.

"I know the reveal is tonight…no…_**no**_, don't do that. I'll work it out with him myself."

_He _is _back. What else would she have to deal with?_

Pause.

"Alice, listen to me sweetheart…send the dress-"

I slammed the dresser drawer shut.

Bella's voice dropped another decibel, but I could still hear her, "Send the dress home. I'll go home to get ready."

I heard the telephone receiver find its place in its cradle. I stood at the dresser for a few minutes, my head hanging down between my shoulders. My breathing became hard and shallow. This was it. Our time of reckoning had arrived.

I was numb, but I found my way to the bathroom. Bella was lounging in the tub. Hot steam billowed off of the cascading water. I leaned into the doorjamb. "Is he home?"

Bella gave me a delicate, but sorrow-filled half smile. She finally nodded, "He's back."

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingertips, "I saw him last night."

Bella popped up out of the tub sending turrets of water over the edge of the porcelain, "What do you mean by that Edward? You mean, you saw him on the way home from Emmett's? On the street? Or you saw him…here?"

I looked up at Bella. She was standing naked in the middle of the tub. Her face lost all sense of color.

I grabbed one of the hotel's plush white towels and wrapped her naked form in it, "I saw him in the rain last night. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me…"

Bella stepped out of the tub, wrapped the towel tighter around her body, then pushed past me, making her way out towards the living room. I followed hot at her heels, "I thought it was the alcohol. Or that I was just really paranoid, Bella."

Bella tucked the edge of the towel into the wrapped portion around her body until it was snug and secure. She tore open the closet door in the bedroom, pulling out her suitcase. I watched in silence as she pulled her numerous dresses off of the wood hangers in the closet. She tossed frocks of all shapes and colors into her suitcase haphazardly.

"You can't go home to him. If he saw us last night, he knows, and he'll be pissed."

"He doesn't know yet. Alice spoke to him this morning when he called her at six o' clock wondering where I was."

"What did Alice tell him?" I asked as I began to help her fold her blouses neatly.

"She told him I was on a shoot with Bunny Yeager in the mountains for a Christmas issue."

"Wouldn't that make him suspicious? He knows I'm the only one who takes your-"

Bella began throwing her shoes into a smaller suitcase, "Edward, I don't know. All I know is that Alice said to get home. I told her I would deal with it when I went home to get ready for the reveal. Maybe then Jacob wouldn't have the time to fire twenty questions at me…but," Bella trailed off, finally looking up at me in her flurry.

Angry tears rushed across my cheeks.

I don't cry. I never cry. Men don't have those emotions because it defines weakness.

_But she makes you feel something…doesn't she, Cullen?_

He was taking her from me. Again.

Bella touched my cheek, wiping away the tear with her fingertips, "We knew. We simply knew this would happen, sweetheart." She looked down, beginning to straighten her shoes. She continued softly, "I'll see you at the party tonight. I'll be back. I promise, Edward."

I shoved her suitcases off the bed, sending them and their messy contents to the floor, grabbed her by the waist, and threw her to the bed. My tears were flowing freely now, down my cheeks onto her bare chest.

"Edward, please…"

"No. I'm not letting you go."

"I'm coming home with you later…"

"Stay with me, Isabella. Just for the day. Stay with me." I moved her damp locks away from her face. I needed her here with me. Right now.

"Edward, please, understand…I have to…if he saw us last night..."

"He didn't see us."

"You don't know."

"What's it going to matter if he saw us together last night or not? In the end, what is it going to matter? Please, Bella…please…" I was begging and I knew it, and I didn't care. I wanted her to promise me she wouldn't leave. I wanted her to promise me that she would be with me forever.

I was so afraid that once I let her out of the bedroom, she would go back to him and I would never see her. That Jacob would steal her from me. Again.

I wanted to just love her. That's all.

My tears continued to spill onto her skin. As the sun began to peek through the window of the room, the wet droplets sparkled like diamonds.

I planted a small, soft kiss on her bottom lip, whispering, "Tell me..."

"I love you," Bella whispered back. Her hands began to run down my bare biceps.

"Do you promise?" I replied planting a string of butterfly kisses down her neck.

She arched her back purring, "I promise, Edward. I will never break your heart. I will love you forever."

"Then stay with me….I'm just asking for a few hours, Bella." My right hand began to unwrap the wet towel from her body.

She pulled me into her embrace, sucking me into her kiss. An unholy fire began to burn bright and strong within my loins.

It was the most intense feeling I had ever had with her. The ache was severe. Tangible. I was in pain.

Physical pain.

My heart hurt. My stomach hurt. My body ached. Inside and out.

I needed her. Like plants needed water to sustain life, I needed Isabella Swan to sustain my life.

It was no longer the lusting desire I had felt over the past year. It was a longing to continue to stay whole.

Our naked bodies writhed together in ecstasy. We couldn't get close enough. Bella clenched her legs tighter around my waist, trying to pull me closer to her. My hands searched her supple skin with maniacal intrigue. I couldn't get enough of her.

Her small hands fisted my hair pulling me into her breasts. I took one of her pert pink nipples into my mouth. She groaned in pleasure as I bit down gently. I released the erotic sensor from mouth, running my tongue over it gently. I continued to play, nip, and tease her breasts until she pulled my head up to hers.

Minutes or hours could have passed. I didn't know. I didn't care.

She grabbed my face between her hands. I positioned myself at her entrance as she enchanted me with just a look. The ache in the pit of my stomach was dreadfully painful as I slid partially into her, not pulling away from her intense gaze. I stopped, pulled out slowly, and then repeated it all over again, relishing the feeling of her wet heat.

Bella's eyes rolled into the back of her head as she arched her back, attempting to pull me fully into her.

"You're killing me slowly, Edward."

I grinned at her, still playing my game.

_Slowly…in…stop…out, but not quite…oh, fucking hell and damnation…_

I was killing myself. I still couldn't pull my gaze from hers. I pushed into her, fully sheathing myself within her.

Her thighs were like a vice around my waist as we moved as one.

She never released the sides of my face as she swayed her hips with mine. She was so beautiful. And I needed to tell her as much. I needed to tell her she was mine and I was hers. Not just our bodies, but our hearts and minds. Our souls.

My voice was low and raspy as we continued to move, "I won't eat, breathe, or live until you come back to me. Until you're resting here with me. By my side. Do you understand, Isabella? I can't hide this anymore. I won't go on without you. You are my heart, my life, my soul. You've taken everything from me and made it yours. You own me. Whether you like it or not, you own me."

"Edward, you've had the key to my heart, forever."

I felt her walls collapse around me as her tears began to fall. She pulled my face to hers, still crying. It was her tears and my pain that spurred our release. Everything we said. Everything we did. It was for each other.

"Don't cry, Isabella." I soothed as our breathing began to normalize. I pressed my forehead into hers, repeating, "Please don't cry, love. You told me this morning, everything will be fine."

Bella shook her head lightly as I pulled out of her. She immediately rolled into my body, her back up against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly within my embrace.

"We'll face it together, love. I promise…do you believe me?"

I heard her sniffle, replying with a murmur, "Yes."

"You're going to wipe away the tears. You're going to shower. Get dressed. And take your car to Jacob's. Meet me at the party and we'll go from there."

"What about my stuff?" she whispered.

"I'll have it packed and sent to my house. You're living with me until your divorce is finalized."

"But…but…what about the press, Edward…" 

"We'll take it for what it is. You can say you're living in the guest house with Heidi during your divorce. We'll figure it out. Don't worry." I planted an affirming kiss into her hair.

"That's always easier said than done, Edward."

"Don't worry…We'll figure it out. One step at a time. We belong together Isabella…"

Bella's grasp tightened around my forearms.

_We belong together._

It didn't take much convincing to keep Bella at the hotel with me.

We sat on the terrace for the remainder of the day, just wrapped in each other's arms. We hardly moved from the double sun lounger. We spoke about things that mattered and things that were unimportant. Room service brought up breakfast, lunch, and a plethora of snacks for our enjoyment. The hours seemed too short. We laughed with all of our hearts at silly jokes and childhood memories, shared comfortable silences, and covered each other in passionate kisses filled with love.

It was a beautiful thing, and I didn't want to see it end.

But of course, I've been told, all good things must come to an end. In our case, it was the end of the alternate universe we had created while we lived at the Chateau Marmont. Bella and I shared so much in such a short amount of time.

Before long, the sun began its eternal process to visit the other side of the world. The purple and orange hues of dusk descended upon Los Angeles. The air went from warm and breezy to cool and crisp. The perfect summer evening.

Bella sat up, lit one of her Pall Malls and threw her hair up into a haphazard ponytail.

"It's time to go." She brushed my cheek with the tips of her fingers, smiling delicately.

"I'm not saying good-bye."

"You don't need to. I'll see you in a couple of hours," Bella replied. I took in her scent as she pressed her lips to my forehead.

_Strawberries._

With that, she was gone. Like a warm summer breeze disappearing into autumn foliage.

Just. Gone.

_Only momentarily._

I unwrapped a new pack of cigarettes and sat in the stillness of the twilight.

And waited.

Promptly at eight thirty, I arrived at the front doors of the Cocoanut Grove at The Los Angeles Ambassador Hotel.

I hadn't been here since the engagement party and I thought it was rather ironic that the decline of Bella and Jacob's marriage was being held in the same place that it began months prior.

As I disembarked my convertible, Art the doorman greeted me with a friendly smile, as usual, "Good evening, Mr. Cullen. Are you here for the party in the Grove this evening?"

"Yes I am, Art." I was feeling a little rushed. A little flustered. And didn't even bother to ask Art how he was doing. I felt like a shit heel.

"Not escorting anyone tonight, Mr. Cullen?" Almost as if he understood my incredible need to relax, he put me at ease almost immediately with a comforting grin.

Tall and tanned, Art had been here for a few years and knew the comings and goings of every hotel guest and visitor from celebrity to politician to world leader. He treated every guest the same. With his ever-present grin making you feel like you were family rather than someone off the street. I loved that about him.

I lit a cigarette, smiling, "Not tonight Art. It's just work."

"Another public relations event, Mr. Cullen?"

"The reveal party for the new publication of Playboy is this evening." I looked at Art as I took another drag of my cigarette, then continued chuckling, a little embarrassed, "Of course, you probably knew that."

"Did you take the pictures?"

"I did. Ms. Isabella Swan is the cover."

Art whistled, adjusting his cap, "She is an extraordinary woman, Mr. Cullen."

_And so she is…definitely an extraordinary woman._

I pointed to Art with a grin curving my lips into a partial smile, "That she is Art. That she is." I threw my cigarette into the driveway of the hotel, and began walking towards the entrance, still facing Art, calling after him, "Don't you ever forget her name or her face, Art!"

"No one could forget a beautiful woman like Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen!" Art called after me chuckling lightly, bidding me a farewell.

I glanced at my wrist watch as I walked into the hotel and made my way towards the Grove.

Eight-forty.

I would walk in. Bella would be there.

_Alone?_

Hopefully.

I walked into the Grove to be met with a sight that was nothing short of spectacular.

Well-endowed women, sexily clad in sensual bunny outfits, walked around with trays of cigarettes, cocktails, and appetizers. Their outfits were beyond the sexy scale. The bunnies were adorned in black leotards, black fishnet stockings, high-shine black patent leather heels, and white cuffs with shiny black cuff links. They donned half masks comprised of either black feathers or black fluffy boa material, and bright cherry red lips.

One of the outfitted bunnies, a voluptuous blonde, stopped next to me, giving me a sensual smirk, "Sir? Cigarettes?"

I took a box and handed her a five-dollar bill, "Keep the change, love."

"Thank you Mr. Cullen." She beamed and flittered off into the crowd.

I shoved the new pack into the inside pocket of my black tuxedo jacket and headed towards the bar. My eyes scanned the room from the top steps of the entryway.

The fake palms were draped in white twinkling lights, tables had been set with the Grove's best white linen tablecloths, sexily clad bunnies ran to and fro meeting every demanding need of American royalty, and Peggy Lee's sexy voice seeped through the microphone. A heavily draped cardboard square hung behind the band, along with a large black net filled with pink and clear balloons from the expansive ceiling. I assumed that was the cover.

Hef spared no expense.

As I crossed through the throngs of people, I began to recognize many celebrities and members of the press. Well, one member of the press in particular.

Hedda Hopper. The most obnoxious woman next to her foe, Louella Parsons. Her and Louella were considered the Queens of Hollywood gossip in Tinsletown. They were troublemakers in my book.

Hedda met my gaze and began making her way over towards me.

_Fuck me._

I grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing bunny. Hedda was wearing a loud, overly extravagant head piece that screamed obnoxious, but that was her signature. Big ugly hats.

"Mr. Cullen, funny to see you here." She reminded me of a snake. Nice and smooth, luring you into her grasp…then she struck out at you like a pit viper, sinking her fangs into the soft flesh of your neck, drinking up your lifeblood until you were convulsing in pain or dead on the floor.

"Don't talk to me Hedda." When it came to Hedda Hopper, I was never nice. After she squealed like a pig about Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, I didn't want her near me. She was right on the money, but she didn't have to spread it around like cow manure.

"Edward, darling, don't poo-poo the press, dear. You may be the next piece of juicy gossip." Hedda gave me a deviant smile and walked off towards Van Johnson.

_Bitch. _

I looked at my watch once more. Nine-fifteen.

_Where in the hell is she?_

I flagged down the page boy I had passed when I came in. Within a minute he had crossed half the room, "Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

I slipped him a five dollar bill, "Please show me to the phone."

The boy nodded in quick understanding and began our short journey to a private telephone booth in the lobby.

"Thank you," I replied as I slipped into the wooden privacy chamber, closing the door behind me. I picked up the receiver, fished out a nickel, dropped it in the slot, and dialed Jacob and Bella's house.

_Ring….Ring….Ring….Ring…._

I slammed the phone back into its cradle after ten more rings, charged out of the telephone booth and walked over to the bar.

"Bourbon…" I told the bar keep, "Make it a double."

The barkeep nodded and within seconds had my drink in front of me. I threw back a few sips of the harsh liquid, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You know, you shouldn't be drinking alone this early," the voice I knew whispered.

I turned around to see Carolyn, smiling coyly at me, mask in hand. She was wearing a revealing low-cut black halter dress that showed off those exuberant assets of hers.

I smiled at her. The booze was beginning to take its effects, relaxing me, "Good evening, Carolyn."

"Where's our lady of the hour? You two are attached at the hip, aren't you?" Carolyn leaned against the bar next to me, flagged down the barkeep, "I'll have a Gin and tonic, darling."

Carolyn turned her full attention back to me, "Or did Mr. Black come home?"

"He came home today. Two days early," I said sourly, taking another sip of my drink.

"Well, this will prove to be quite an interesting evening, don't you think, Edward?" The barkeep placed a tall skinny glass with a sprig of mint for garnish in front of Carolyn.

"Hmph…interesting? Maybe." I replied in a monotone voice. I fingered the top of my glass.

I wasn't nervous. I was anxious. I wanted Jacob to know. I wanted everyone to know how much I loved her. How much she loved me.

Carolyn sipped her drink demurely. I noticed she closed her eyes briefly as she let the alcohol travel her throat.

Our eyes locked for a few moments. She seemed to notice my inability to take solace in her light attitude.

"Edward, baby…don't be such a tight ass. Finish your drink and have fun tonight. Don't let this get under your skin. You know, Isabella is quite smitten with you. If one would see the two of you from afar, they would say, you two were…in love." Carolyn smiled encouragingly at me, threw her cigarette butt into an over-sized crystal ashtray, and grabbed her glass.

As she began to walk away, she patted me on the back gently, then whispered in my ear, "Romeo…I think your Juliet just walked in."

I turned towards the entrance to see the most breathtaking sight in my world.

_My Bella._

She looked like sex on fire.

An electric blue deep plunging V-necked origami dress swept the curves of her supple body, exposing the beautiful ravine of smooth flesh I had grown accustomed to fingering almost nightly. Her heart-shaped mouth was doused in a deep fire-engine red color that screamed 'fuck me'. A matching pair of custom-made electric blue four-inch heels adorned her feet, accentuating her brilliant gams. Her half-mask of electric blue snakeskin clung to the top half of her face like a second skin. Her brown chiffon locks fell down her shoulders in a loose waterfall of curls. She was stunning.

A smile broke free on my glum face as her eyes connected with mine.

Carolyn whispered, a smile tainting her lips as she placed her mask back on her face, "And it doesn't look like she came with anyone, Romeo."

In my excitement, I grabbed my drink and sprinted up to meet her, leaving Carolyn at the bar.

Breathless, I was at her side in a half of a second, reaching for her hand. I tangled my fingers with hers, "I thought you would never get here."

I reached in to kiss her on those sexy red lips, when she gave me her cheek instead. I pulled away, just a tad bewildered, until I looked up and saw Jacob Black enter the ballroom.

"Nice to see you, Edward." Bella caught my gaze and smiled apologetically.

I released her hand, and made contact with Jacob as he weaved his arms around her waist, "Welcome home, Black. Did you have a good trip?" I said in a tight tone.

My heart plummeted a thousand feet and landed on concrete.

_Splat._

"Cullen," Jacob acknowledged, then continued, "I heard this was a big day for my girl, so I raced home to make sure this Hefner fella treated her appropriately, since this deal was made without me." Jacob smiled snidely then kissed Bella on the cheek. Bella shied away, turning her head to look at nothing.

I took a sip of my bourbon, "Looks to me she didn't need you…I mean, considering she made the deal on her own."

"Really? Funny thing, I heard you were in on it." Jacob shot back, pulling Bella closer to him.

"Who did you hear that one from?" I ran my hand through my hair.

"I have my sources, Cullen. You know that nothing is kept from me when it concerns my Bells."

I narrowed my sights on Jacob's face as he nuzzled Bella's neck. The closer he got to her, the more I hated him. He had no business having his arms wrapped around her.

"Sure," I smiled smugly, then continued, "Your sources in this town are nothing short of shady, Black, so I wouldn't hold whatever you heard with too much regard."

"Edward, have you seen Mr. Hefner?" Bella interrupted with a fake lightness to her voice.

"No, I haven't seen him yet, Isabella." I turned my attention back to Jacob as he ran his fingers over Bella's alabaster shoulder. I continued, my voice still tight, "So is that why you came back? Didn't trust your wife with her own career?"

"I think I have spent far too much time away from my wife, Cullen. I don't think I'll be away much anymore."

Bella took a slight side-step away from Jacob as he began to make small manipulations in her shoulder.

"Hmph…I'll believe that when I see it," I replied sarcastically, throwing back the rest of my drink.

"Still drinking too much, huh Cullen?" Jacob pulled Bella back to him holding her in a tighter embrace. Bella's lips pursed into a thin line, and then relaxed into a soft smile.

She turned towards Jacob, wrapping her arms around him, planting a seductive kiss on his lips. I cringed, gripping my glass with white-knuckle strength.

She pulled away from him, "Can you get me a Martini, Jake?"

"Why don't you make monkey-boy here get it for you?" Jacob replied, pushing his lips back into hers. I saw his tongue flick into her mouth. The bourbon I had just splashed down my throat came back up a little.

My voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "Why don't you go fuck yourself, Black?"

I stormed off towards the coat closet, leaving the two of them standing alone. I was done with the charade. I was done with watching him tongue-fuck her mouth. I was done with the whole night.

I slammed the empty bourbon glass onto the desk of the coat closet, making the girl behind it jump slightly at my outburst. I slapped my hands on the desk and let my head fall limp between my defeated shoulders.

"Ticket, sir?" The girl asked in a meek voice.

"Edward!" A male voice boomed. I felt a slap on my back. It was Hef.

I looked up and met his gaze, "Hey, Hef," I replied in a tired voice. I felt horrible and all I wanted to do was go home.

Hef stared at me for a brief second, concern clouding his face, "Son, what's wrong with you? You should be…"

Hef's gaze followed mine as I watched Bella and Jacob head towards the bar. Jacob's hand lingered on the bare skin of Bella's back as he ushered her towards the watering hole.

"Son, look at me."

I met Hef's gaze. One of fatherly concern. The man was practically my age and yet, I felt like the look he was giving me resembled a look my father would give.

He continued, "You have to stay. This about you and Isabella and the success of this magazine. Sometimes we have to push through personal anguish and continue on with life. You can go back and deal with him later."

I shook my head, "She's not his, Hef."

"She's not yours either, son. Right now, you are in a state of love and trust."

I looked at him with a confused expression crossing my face, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means you have to trust the love you have with her. And trust Isabella enough to do what's right. For her and for you."

"Fuck Hef! Look at that!" My voice started to rise with fury as I motioned to the two of them standing at the bar, laughing. Jacob met my gaze and smiled slyly.

_Son-Of-A-BITCH! I'll kill him!_

Hef sighed, shaking his head. His eyes turned hard. "Cool it Cullen. This is business, goddammit, and you _will _keep the status quo."

My eyes turned into a cold, piercing gaze, "Is that an order?"

"Yes. Get it together, man. You will be on that stage with her in forty-five minutes. You have that long to get your shit together. Work. It. Out."

With that, Hef placed a congenial smile on his face and with determined footing, walked back into the ballroom.

_Keep the status quo? Is he fucking kidding?_

I turned back to the bar and Jacob and Bella were gone.

I focused my attention to the staring coat closet girl, "Sorry about that," I mumbled.

She smiled shyly, "You're fine Mr. Cullen."

"Please keep it together, Edward," the voice whispered in my ear. I spun around to meet my angel's face.

Bella smiled at the coat closet girl, "Can you give us a moment, please?" Bella placed a twenty-dollar bill on the desk, pushing it towards the girl.

"I can give you about five minutes." The girl looked in both directions and smiled sweetly at Bella.

Bella handed the girl another twenty-dollar bill and replied, "Make it thirty minutes and there will be a hundred dollars attached to this afterwards.

The brunette took both twenties, placed them between her tits and her uniform, smiling, "No problem, Ms. Swan."

With that the girl disappeared from her post.

Bella looked around, saw the closet was free from prying eyes and yanked me into the large room, filled with racks of coats and wraps and shut the door quietly. The lock clicked shut.

She turned to me, "Can you please keep it together?"

"How can you let that son-of-a-bitch put his tongue in your mouth?" I yelled.

"He doesn't know yet! He's playing stupid or he really doesn't know!" Bella seethed through harsh whispers. She continued in a softer tone inching closer to me with pleading eyes, "We need to get through this Edward. We need to get through just one night. He knows nothing yet. He didn't ask either, so I just want to keep things the way they are until this reveal is over. I will tell him tonight."

"Don't turn my stomach, Bella!" I pressed my body to hers, pinning her against the wall. As much as I wanted to be angry with her, I couldn't. I saw it in her eyes. Behind the mask, I knew she was still mine. That her heart belonged to me.

I tugged the mask off of her face. Her eyes searched mine. That look of lust tainted her black-lined doe eyes.

"I need to get him out of your head," I replied in a strained whisper.

Bella's breath began to hitch slightly as she felt my cock begin to grow hard. The nearness of her body was too overpowering. I was pissed off, yet incredibly turned on with how close she was to me.

"Edward…" Her breath was beginning to come out in ragged whispers as she unconsciously began to push her hips into mine. Bella's lips parted. Her pretty mouth was only centimeters from mine.

"Isabella, I will fuck him out of your head if I have to."

"No, Edward…we can't." She replied, but made no motion to leave. Her mouth said no, but her eyes and her body screamed yes.

I began to stroke the outside of her thighs, pulling the skirt of her dress up. I fingered the metal alligator clasps at the tops of her now-bare thighs.

"Tell me to stop and I will, but you know better than I do that you want me to fuck you hard enough to forget about that piece of shit waiting for you out there," I whispered, as she hiked her leg onto a chair, allowing me full entrance to her.

_That's right, baby…who loves you and who do you love?_

She closed her eyes lightly as my fingers began a slow crawl up to the rim of her lace panties.

My fingers played with the edge of the lace as I continued, "You know you want me to…" I breathed as I ducked my head into her neck. I began to pepper her illustrious skin with rough kisses. I slipped my index finger into her folds.

_Goddamn, she is so fucking wet._

I manipulated her engorged clit with my thumb while my index finger waited patiently at her hot entrance, as I whispered in a tense tone, "Tell me…"

Bella's hands moved into my hair, while I continued to lick, suck and kiss her neck. She twisted her hands through my tresses in what seemed like frustrated agony. She pushed her neck closer to my lips.

"Say it, Isabella…tell me you want it and I will finger fuck you until you cum. And when you think you're done, I will bend you over that rack of coats and fuck you harder then you've ever been fucked before."

Bella whimpered something incoherent.

I had her. I had her right where she wanted to be.

"Say it," I demanded as I stroked her clit faster. Every time her hips attempted to push my fingers into her I pulled away, never discontinuing my ministrations.

"Yes…" Bella sighed matching my gaze with hers.

_There it is. The want. The desire. The lust. For me._

I plunged two fingers into her roughly, crashing my lips to hers. I hiked her skirt up as far as it would go, feeling her hot thighs crush my hand as I forged ahead.

"Oh, goddamn Edward," she whispered as her walls crumbled around my fingers. Her hands flew from my hair to my black tuxedo pants. She yanked at the belt buckle until it released, then unzipped my pants. She quickly had her hands in my tuxedo trousers as she came down from her orgasm. My cock sprang free.

_I'll make you forget all about him, dammit._

In a horse voice, I demanded, "Bend over that chair."

Her eyes cloaked in complete submission and desire, she obliged, positioning herself over the chair, legs spread apart, waiting for me. I flipped her dress up so I could admire her tight lace-clad ass standing at attention.

I shoved her panties to the side, and slipped my cock into her wet and waiting pussy. She grunted and sighed simultaneously, pushing her ass into my hips as hard as she could.

_Fuck yes!_

"Goddamn, Bella, you don't even know how good you feel," I breathed as I continued to pump into her.

"Harder," she demanded in a harsh, breathless tone. She slipped her hair over her right shoulder as she looked back at me.

I met her gaze, reaching around her waist to pull her body closer to mine. I bent my head close to her ear and said in a strained whisper, "Tell me."

"God, I love you, Edward. You feel so fucking good. Fuck…" Her murmured whispering spurred on my release. She arched her back, allowing me to shove deeper into her.

Her moans were getting louder as I plummeted deeper, "Shhh…" I replied with a grin, then continued, "He might hear you."

"I don't fucking care!" she almost yelled as I felt her contract around me.

_That's right baby. Say my name, bitch! Say it loud. Say it proud!_

"I love you Edward!"

_Hell yes you do. _

Our bodies slowed to a sputtered stop. We were both grinning like fools as I slipped out of her.

I grabbed some poor woman's wrap and wiped myself off, zipped up my trousers, buckled my belt, than threw the soiled piece of fabric in the far corner of the room behind a large box. Bella cleaned herself up, then adjusted her dress.

I tangled her in my embrace and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed me back passionately, pulled back, then replied, "I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

"Are you ready to go out there now?" she smiled, wiping my mouth with her thumb and index finger.

"I'm ready for anything," I replied, as she opened the door to the coat closet. While Bella positioned her mask back onto her face, we walked out just in time to see coat closet girl just returning. Bella placed a hundred dollar bill on her desk, mouthing the words 'thank you' to her.

"Have a nice evening, Ms. Swan," she replied with a large smile, tucking the crisp bill into her uniform.

As soon as we descended the short staircase to the ballroom, Jacob pushed passed several party-goers and grabbed Bella's upper arm within his forceful grasp. He looked at me, then back to Bella, and with a forced smile said in a brusque tone, "Where have you been?"

I saw Bella flinch at his touch, "Jake, that hurts…let go."

Ignoring her, he repeated in the same harsh, flat tone, "Where the fuck have you been?"

I noticed the flesh on her arm was pinched under his over-sized hand. I placed my hand on his shoulder, as a warning. "Let go of her. You're hurting her, Black."

"I'm hurting her?" Jacob replied incredulously looking at me, "She's done nothing but hurt me, Cullen. More than you could know."

"Keep your voice down Jake," Bella pleaded, attempting to free his grasp from her arm in a nonchalant way. He was hurting her.

My grip tightened on his shoulder while my other hand pulled Bella from his grasp. "I said. To. Let. Her. Go."

"What are you going to do about it, Cullen?" Jacob smirked. He looked back to Bella, then back to me. His fingers loosened from around her arm revealing white and red splotches.

"I'll fucking kill you," I breathed low and raspy.

A few close-by guests began to show interest in our exchange.

Hef made eye contact with me. Suddenly, Hef had his arms draped around Bella and I. I released Jacob's shoulder as Hef cleared his throat, "Edward….Isabella…I need you on stage now, my friends. It's time."

While we walked away, Jacob replied, "Well aren't you the lucky bastard, Cullen. I was afraid I would have to kick your ass."

I ignored him as Hef quietly whispered, "Status quo, Edward."

We made our way onto the stage. I squinted into the lights as they burned brightly in my vision, darkening the faces in the crowd. Peggy Lee motioned for Hef to take the stage in front of the microphone.

Hef smiled brightly, "Ladies and gentleman!"

I looked over at Bella who was smiling mechanically, looking out at the crowd. I searched with strained sight to find Jacob's smug face in the front row of onlookers.

_Keep smiling you sick motherfucker._

"Tonight is a very special night. One that will go down in the history books as the day Hugh Hefner made his place in the world. And I couldn't be more proud than to share it with all of you."

The large celebrity-ridden crowd thundered their applause. I scanned the ballroom once more, taking into account the numerous faces of press, actors, actresses, models, and studios heads that had made themselves available for this party. Richard Widmark, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, Lana Turner, Van Johnson, among countless others watched history in the making. The making of a legend. 

"So, my friends, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to my first and favorite covergirl. The face of Playboy…"

The drape dropped off the larger than life cover of the new Playboy magazine. Pink and clear balloons began to fall into the crowd.

"Ms. Isabella Swan!" Hef shouted into the mic, waving his hands with a flourish at the oversized cover.

I didn't need to see the cover. I knew what photo he used. The one of her at Chateau Marmont, draped lazily over an over-stuffed chair. My white dress shirt being the only thing covering all her pertinent parts. Bella's freshly fucked face glowing, with a shy smile caressing her red painted lips.

Jacob's normally tanned face flushed white as he stood gaping at the cover. I could actually see his jaw clench and tighten like a vice gripping with all its might around two pieces of wood.

_Who's laughing now you fucking twit?_

As the applause died down, Hef began again, "And who would take such an exquisite picture of this living definition of beauty, you may ask…Hollywood's own, Mr. Edward Cullen."

More applause broke loose through the crowd. My lip pulled into the sexy half-grin Bella constantly told me I possessed, nodding my head, mouthing the words thank you.

I made eye contact with Jacob once more and mouthed the words, "Thank you."

_Thank you for giving me back what was rightfully mine to begin with, you bastard._

Jacob stood there, all the blood returning to his face, obviously fuming. My villainous grin stayed plastered on my lips as I continued to stare down my archrival. My brows furrowed into a V, shrouding my eyes in darkness.

_You and me, you worthless son-of-a-bitch…._

Hef said a few more words about eating, drinking and being merry and then escorted us off of the stage. My gaze darted to and fro as Bella and I stepped from the stage.

_Where are you? You son-of-a-bitch!_

Peggy Lee's voice began to reverberate through the speakers again, "Isn't she a beauty, everyone?"

More applause.

The music started up again as soon as we disembarked the last step of the staircase.

Jacob approached us at full force, pushing his way through the crowd with rough hands.

_Come on you bastard!_

Jacob pointed to the hanging piece of cardboard, "What the hell is that Bells?"

"It's a picture Jacob. It's the cover." Bella crossed her arms defiantly, stepping back as Jacob inched closer to her.

"I know it's the damn cover. Don't play innocent with me Bella. I mean what in the hell kind of picture is that?"

I looked at him smugly, "It looks like a damn good picture, if I say so myself."

"Shut your fucking mouth, Cullen. I'm talking to _my wife_."

"You keep referring to her as _your wife_, but you never seem to be around to act like _her husband_."

Jacob's fists started to shake and clench in anger at his sides, "You don't want to get me angry, Cullen. I told you that on the telephone. Don't fuck with me."

"Is that a threat or a promise?" I pulled myself to my full height. He was pissing me off. I noticed in my peripheral vision, Bella took another step behind me.

"Why do you keep inching towards him, Bells? I'm your husband and you're making it out like you're defending him. By standing behind him…"

_And the final puzzle piece falls into place._

"Holy shit!" Jacob rubbed the back of his neck finally putting it together.

_The picture. My defensive tone. Bella's body language._

You're fucking him, aren't you?"

_Ding! Ding! Ding! Give the man a prize!_

"Jacob…calm down…let's talk about this outside…besides, you knew this was coming…" Bella replied, looking from me to Jacob.

"How the fuck was I supposed to know anything Bells? Holy shit, what did you do? Send me a note in Paris by fucking carrier pigeon?" Jacob's voice piqued the interest of several people who stopped talking to gawk.

"Keep your voice down Jake. Let's go home to talk about this," Bella whispered, her eyes shifting from one guest to another, then back to Jacob's tense face. I thought he was going to have an aneurism.

_Then that would take care your problem wouldn't it, Cullen?_

I damn near chuckled out loud at the thought of Jacob's convulsing body on the floor of the Cocoanut Grove ballroom.

"Keep my voice down? Is that what you said?" Jacob asked incredulously, taking a step towards Bella. I was the one remaining thing that stood in his way.

I leaned into him, "Are you deaf, Black? Hedda Hopper's here-"

I wanted to get him outside where I could pulverize him without the prying eyes of the press hot on my heels. I wanted to see his blood splattered over the sidewalk. I didn't want to kill him. Just maim him.

For all the things he had done to hurt my Bella. He was given a gift so pure and full of life, and he threw it to the curb like some a piece of garbage.

_He deserves everything I'm about to give him…_

"Really? Good! This will be a stimulating piece of fodder for the morning's paper. Right Cullen? Covergirl found FUCKING my best friend!"

_Yes, play this up to the press Jacob. You've been taking lessons._

Jacob motioned his finger back and forth between Bella and I, then continued, "That is what has happened right? You two are fucking like rabbits. Because you still haven't answered my question. ARE THE TWO OF YOU FUCKING?"

Jacob bowed up like a peacock ready for its fight, clenching his fists. His body was wracked with tension. His breathing was slow and deliberate.

I stepped in front of her, shielding her from him. Protecting her.

"Jacob Black, keep it down." Bella seethed through her teeth inching her body around mine.

Very slowly, annunciating every word, he locked eyes with Bella, "Are you having an affair with him, you bitch?"

"You don't need to talk to her like that Jacob," I replied evenly. I was beginning to see nothing but Jacob's smug face. Everything around me had gone silent. The room became void of any and all sound with the exception of the three of us.

_This bizarre love triangle._

Every muscle fiber in my hands and arms tensed. I curled my fists into hard hammers. Every raw piece of energy I had, from the moment I heard about the pregnancy, to when he raped her, was channeling into my hatred for Jacob Black. Funneling right into my fists that hung by my side, rock hard and ready to pummel his face.

"Bells, I can give you so much more than he can." Jacob's voice changed as he directed his attentions towards Bella. He said it softly. Encouragingly.

_A wolf in sheep's clothing._

"Cry me a river, Black. You've had enough time to show her what you can give her and so far from what I've seen and heard it's been less than zero."

Jacob turned his vehemence towards me, "Am I fucking talking to you, Cullen?"

"Let's go outside for this Jake. Let's talk about this in private. Please?" Bella's voice was a hushed whisper as she attempted to ignore the group that was watching the spectacle unfold.

Jacob snickered, "In private?" Jacob pointed at the cover. "Bells, look at that face up there. That's a public display if I ever saw one…"

Realizing we were drawing a crowd, I pulled Jacob's jacket sleeve, encouraging him to walk out the door with me. He shrugged me off roughly, "You touch me again. I don't care who's watching…I will hurt you, Cullen."

I grinned, but my eyes delivered a message much more sinister, "Step. Outside. Black."

Jacob's voice softened slightly as turned his gaze towards Bella again, "Bells…baby…that look on that poster? I know that look. That look is a look exchanged between a husband and a wife. That look up there was meant for my eyes only. Baby, I'm your husband…level with me. Be honest. Are you having an affair with him?"

"Maybe you haven't been the best husband Jake. You hurt me. Over and over. Time after time…" Bella whispered.

"I'm only going to ask this once more Isabella Black. Are you fucking him?"

Bella looked up into his eyes. Her nostrils flared slightly, "Yes, Jacob. I love him. I've always loved him."

Jacob looked like someone knocked the wind out of him. Like someone who had taken a professional hit to the stomach. He even staggered back a little. His soft eyes turned hard like mud baked in the Mojave Desert for too long.

Jacob looked into my eyes, his deep brown orbs threatening and foreboding, but he still spoke to Bella in a loud, obnoxious voice. If we only had a few on-lookers before, we had a crowd now. Jacob's voice was obnoxious and thunderous. And he picked the perfect time to create the ultimate spectacle. Peggy Lee was in between her set, and the orchestra had yet to play a new song.

"Everything you and Cullen have partaken in has been a public display of debauchery. Since our lives are so fucking public, we may as well finish it in public!"

That cone of silence we had had suddenly exploded.

Suddenly we had every photographer and rag hag in Hollywood clustered around us.

I scoffed, shaking my head, "I told you not to strain yourself with those big, fancy words, Black."

Hef appeared out of nowhere, "Boys, take this outside. I will not have this here. Not now."

Bella took a step forward, "Jacob, please let's do this in a more private setting. We're drawing too much attention to ourselves. We can talk about this whole thing quietly-"

"Quietly? QUIETLY? You have made a goddamn fool out of me Bella. In private and now publicly. Own what you have done, sweetheart. You are a two-timing back-stabbing bitch who can't keep her legs crossed!"

"Jake, please-"

Jacob got as close to her face as he could, saying loudly, "You are a Dirty. WHORING. BITCH!"

That did it.

I saw red and lunged.

_**Leave me the love…I so LOVE every F*Awesome piece of luvin' you feed me ;)**_

_**Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings! xoxoxoxoxox**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**This is the final chapter before our epilogue…**

**I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you to those who have posted so diligently, keeping my spirits up, when I thought I sucked ass, and keeping my over-inflated ego constantly stroked even when I may not have needed it *wink*. You guys here on the FFFW are my girls. And I love you for all the support you have given me since posting chapter one.**

**Much Love: To my girl, the bestest Beta ever, my sister Kiki. Luv you, Sam. Are you ready for the 2****nd**** leg on our tour Mordor ? ;) ~Frodo**

_**Chapter Twenty-one ~ **_

I have gotten into several fights as a kid with Jacob. At eleven years old, we got into a fist fight over bubble gum. At thirteen, it was an altercation over who was a better baseball player, me or him. In high school, we fought over who would ask Anna May Dean to the junior dance. Jacob won on all counts of hand-to-hand combat only because Jacob thought he always had something to prove. That, coupled with the fact that he was always taller than me, gave me a slight disadvantage.

But not tonight. Tonight, I had something to prove. I had something to fight for.

I came in strong and hard and fast. My adrenaline-induced state of mind had made me impervious to pain. It made me numb to feel anything at all. It would have been surreal if it hadn't been for the blood. And the screams.

Everything Bella had told me, coupled with everything I had already known about Jacob Black, fueled my hatred.

_I was pregnant, Edward! I had to._

My fist connected with his jaw. Blood splattered out in spurts from his square mule-like jaw. The feeling of my flesh making contact with his was invigorating.

_He forced himself on me…I was his wife, it was my responsibility._

"You stupid son-of-a-bitch! You hurt her again and I'll fucking kill you!" I yelled as I came in with my left, again, making enough contact to split the skin at his temple.

_You don't want that murderer…I got what you want baby._

"Edward! STOP!" Bella was yelling at me from some alternate space and time. She sounded so far away. The sounds of her voice made me falter slightly, giving Jacob enough time to regain some semblance of power.

Before I knew it, Jacob's own hard fist hit my unsuspecting chin. My head flipped back slightly at the force. I felt liquid warmth seep down my lips.

_But still no pain. Just numbness._

"You have no idea what shit storm you've unleashed, Cullen." Jacob threw his body into mine, sending me careening to the floor. Something crashed behind us, sending crystal-like shards of glass cascading over us. Jacob's full body weight pressed my back into the floor.

As Jacob hovered above me, I saw a mad man. It was disconcerting.

Anger, fueled by murderous intent, burned behind his eyes. Burned so bright he could've set me aflame if he had wanted to.

He cocked his fist back again and cracked me underneath my right eye. I felt the skin split on my upper cheekbone under the tremendous might of his fist.

"She's my wife, Cullen! I love her. I love her more than you ever will. Do you understand that?"

_Thwack!_

Another punch into my already shattered cheekbone.

"You…have never…loved her, Black!"

I pushed Jacob off of me with all my strength, sending his massive weight sprawling across the room. I heard another shatter of glass.

_I'll fucking kill you, Black. You'll never lay one…hand…on her…again._

Pinning him to the floor with my palm flat on his chest, I punched him in the face once more. I pulled my fist back again, and cracked him at the bridge of his nose. More blood pulsed freely from both of his nostrils, down to the floor.

"You've never loved her Jacob! She's mine goddammit! She was always mine! And you fucking knew it!"

Without thinking, I wrapped both my hands around his neck. I felt the throbbing pulse of Jacob's jugular pumping in hard, strained thrusts against his skin. He began gasping, "Do…you…see…?"

Suddenly, I felt two sets of strong hands pull at my shoulders.

_What the fuck?_

I struggled against the force keeping me away from Jacob, but whoever was prohibiting me from tackling my prey was strong as an ox. The red tunnel of madness I had created began to dissipate. As the tumultuous haze started to lift like a heavy fog on a winter afternoon in San Francisco, I recognized my two statues of constraint: Emmett stood on one side of me, Jasper on the other.

Hef, and two other men I didn't recognize, pulled Jacob's almost limp body from the floor. My breath was rough and ragged as I scanned the room for Bella.

Jacob held onto his neck, gasping, trying to regain his breathing pattern. I struggled against my brothers' grip on me.

Jacob shrugged off Hef and the other two gentlemen and began to whisper as he bent over, his hands on his knees, "Do you see the power she has over you, Cullen? Do you see what she has done to you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Black?" I shrugged out of Emmett and Jasper's grips.

As Jacob straightened, I got a good look at his now-battered face. Blood dripped mercilessly from a gash in his temple, and from his nostrils, down his white dress shirt. Black and blue marks were already apparent on strategic places on his face.

I'm sure my appearance wasn't any better.

I finally took notice of the sizable crowd that had gathered to the left of the staging area. My friends, my family, my colleagues, looked on in horror as I adjusted my tuxedo jacket.

I saw Alice and Rose, holding Bella back until she finally shirked out of their feeble grasps. She slammed into me, throwing her arms around me. I looked down at her. Bella had removed her mask. Her hair was disheveled, her meticulous make-up, smudged. I swung my arm around her shoulders as she dabbed a finger onto my chin wiping off what I assumed to be blood.

"Oh, God, Edward…baby…I'm sorry...I'm so sorry," she breathed, ignoring everything around us.

"Shhh…" I cooed into her face. I looked back at Jacob who had the face of a beaten man. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

Until that sad, puppy-dog stare turned sinister and foreboding.

"Look at what she's done to you…" Jacob repeated. His facial features twisted into an unrecognizable figure of a man I once knew.

Ignoring Jacob's comment, Jasper, Emmett, Bella, and I started towards the door. The flash bulbs that went off around us looked like a movie premiere. In my peripheral vision I noticed Alice and Rose trailing behind. As we walked past Jacob, he continued with the same twisted face, "She's made you into me, Cullen."

I stopped, locked my gaze with his as he continued, "She's made you a jealous fool for her."

"I will never be you, Jacob." My voice was wrought with conviction.

"You already are, Cullen," Jacob whispered in a harsh tone as his mouth curved into an ominous sneer. Like a puppet master was pulling at the corners of his lips into the face of an evil clown caricature.

Emmett replied, "Enough Jacob." I felt Emmett's large hand push into my back, leading me through the mass of press hounds that had made a circle around us.

I heard Jacob scoff behind me, "You better watch it, Cullen! She's a vixen! And you'll only get hurt pal!"

We all turned to watch Jacob as he swaggered off into the crowd of on-lookers and press, grabbed a very beautiful brunette selling packs of cigarettes, and whispered something in her ear. With slight hesitation, the woman looked at Jacob, who leaned into her ear once more. The brunette giggled with her wide eyes.

I looked down at Bella, who watched as Jacob made a play on another woman. She cocked an eyebrow from Jacob to me, than sighed, "That, my friends, is Jacob Black. Asshole extraordinaire."

"Is that a quote Ms. Swan?" Several voices screamed as we attempted to make our way through the plethora of vultures.

_Shit! _

Flashbulb debris crunched under our feet as we approached the front door of the club. The blood-sucking leeches continued to slink next to us, flashes of light continued mercilessly. Bella tightened her grip around me.

"Ms. Swan, does this mean you are dissolving your marriage to Mr. Black?"

Alice's light voice twittered in response, "Gentlemen, please!"

_Pop-pop-pop-pop!_

More flashes of light engulfed us. Alice continued, grabbing at the tails of my tuxedo jacket, signaling for Bella and me to stop. The five of us turned around and stood around Alice. Reporters stopped as Alice held her fingers to her lips, ordering complete silence with an innocent smile.

My cheek was beginning to throb. Loud voices faded into hushed whispers.

I looked out over the massive ballroom. Jacob had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, his drink had been replenished, and he had a mass of photographers and press surrounding him. No doubt telling them half-truths and bold lies, attempting to cover his own ass.

Alice continued to stand, finger poised against her lips, still as a statue. The hushed whispers turned to silence except for the mass hysteria that was fluttering around Jacob not more than ten feet away. Even they stopped to turn around and watch.

I noticed Hedda Hopper hovering nearby, arms crossed, a look of piqued interest masking her usually bored face, with a girl of about nineteen attached to her hip, a small notebook stuck in one hand, a pencil scratching furiously in the other. No doubt her apprentice.

Finally, Alice spoke. "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I know you must have a lot of questions for Mr. Cullen and Ms. Swan, but we would truly appreciate an evening of silence to recuperate from this trying evening."

One brave soul pointed his pencil in the air and called out, "Mrs. Whitlock, how can you expect us-"

Alice's lethal gaze appeared out of nowhere, silencing the poor fool. "As I was saying. Mr. Cullen and Ms. Swan will take the evening to recuperate from this incident. As you can see, my brother is in less than perfect condition and will likely be visiting a doctor this evening."

"Lucky your father is the head of L.A. General, right Mr. Cullen?" someone yelled out from the crowd.

A chuckle ran through the mob.

"Good thing!" I shouted back towards the voice.

Another gaggle of laughs floated through the air.

_Keep them on your side, Cullen. You'll need it later on._

"Ms. Swan, will you be dissolving your short-term marriage to Mr. Black?" Surprisingly, it was a woman's voice.

Bella straightened up, releasing me, attempting to crane her neck to match a face with the nervous twitter. The same girl that was standing by Hedda Hopper was now in the front of the group. She was an average looking young woman, definitely no older than twenty years old, black hair pulled into a tight bun, wearing an understated black Don Loper dress adorned in a no-nonsense necklace of pearls.

Bella walked towards the woman, smiling gently. Flashbulbs began to rock the crowd once more.

"What's your name, sweets?" Bella's voice was curious.

The girl gave a surprised stare and locked eyes with my Bella, "Leah. My name is Leah Clearwater…I work for the Los Angles Times, Ms. Swan."

"You run with these wolves?" Bella gave an apologetic smile to the crowds, giving her famous blush and giggle combination, "Sorry fellas but this pretty girl shouldn't be running with you guys. She looks much too nice for that."

"Awww….Isabella, you can't mean that," reverberated amongst at least thirty photographers and press hounds who gave very masculine sounding giggles. I gave a half-smile that hurt like hell. That was my girl, working the crowd with her charm.

I looked over again at Jacob, still talking to the few rag hags that he had managed to keep entertained.

Bella continued, turning her attention back to Leah, "Ms. Clearwater, will you come by our home tomorrow afternoon for an exclusive interview?"

_My incredibly brilliant girl._

Leah gave Bella an adorable smirk, "Ms. Swan, you must be joking?" Ms. Clearwater's eyes sparkled with excitement at the thought.

"Far from it Ms. Clearwater. Be there at seven o' clock," Bella turned to Alice, "Alice, will phone you tomorrow with instructions."

As Bella made her way back to me, Ms. Clearwater had disappeared within the throngs of other reporters wanting a piece of us.

The shouts enclosed us in a deafening wave.

"Isabella? Isabella?"

"How long have you and Mr. Cullen been dating?"

"Is it true you're pregnant with his child?"

"Mr. Cullen? Mr. Cullen?"

"Mr. Cullen is it true that you and Ms. Swan have been living together, unbeknownst to Mr. Black?"

"Sir, we have confirmed reports that you and Ms. Swan have been staying at the Chateau Marmont for the past three weeks, any comment?"

The throbbing in my face was beginning to spread to my head as the questions continued. I overheard my sister yelling, "No comment!" as we tried to make our way through the pushing and shoving. The incessant flashes of light were burning my retinas.

Bella wrapped her arms back around my waist, pulling me to her tightly.

I looked over to Jasper and Emmett.

Jasper had a permanent white-toothed grin plastered on his face, all the while mumbling every couple of steps "No comment!" With every step Jasper took, Alice had to keep up with two to match. She was attempting to swat away the press hounds like they were unwanted mosquitoes on a warm summer evening.

Emmett had his arm wrapped protectively around Rose, elbowing his way through the crowd, tight-lipped. No comment from those two, that was for sure. Emmett had gone through press hysteria before and he knew it was better to say nothing at all.

I felt someone fall into a rushed step next to me.

_Hef._

Hef began talking in a loud hush, "Art has pulled your cars around. Go. We will discuss this tomorrow when the shit has landed safely on our shoes rather than in our faces."

And with that, Hef was gone. Like a ghost in the darkness, he disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared by my side.

I squeezed Bella a little closer to me as we made our way outside to our idling vehicles. The gaggle of press seemed to have multiplied since we walked out of the Grove.

Like the saving grace that he was, Art had the door to my convertible already open on both the driver's side and passenger's side. We slid into our respective seats; I threw the car into drive and sped off, leaving a trail of rubber behind me.

Looking in my rear view mirror, I saw Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice follow suit. I breathed a slow sigh of relief, putting plenty of asphalt between me and our rag hags.

Bella placed a hand on my knee, sinking back into the comfortable seat. Her touch gave me the confidence I knew I had needed. It was reassuring.

While we drove the length of Beverly Boulevard, the pain began to overtake the numbness. But pain or no pain, it was hard not to be happy. The boulder that had weighed heavily on my shoulders for the past couple of weeks had finally been lifted.

And I was going home the winner.

A bottle of antiseptic, gauze, band-aids and cotton swabs were strewn across my kitchen table. Bella had changed into some denim jeans and one of my dress shirts. Something she said she enjoyed wearing around the house. A shadow of her beautiful breasts filtered through the sheer cotton fabric under the harsh kitchen lighting. I had stripped down to my boxer shorts so Bella could clean me up.

We were sitting at the kitchen table facing one another, a smoke playing lazily between my lips, a bottle of Jack Daniel's between us and Bella taking great care not to hurt me.

She dabbed meticulously at the dried blood with hydrogen peroxide and gauze, trying to clean the wound. I hissed as a burning sensation shot through my nerves like a firecracker on the fourth of July.

"I'm sorry…" Bella murmured.

"It's ok," I whispered, touching the side of her face with gentle fingers.

She made eye contact with me, pulling the soiled gauze from my face, "I've been thinking…"

"About what?" I asked, pouring myself a small glass of scotch.

"We're out in the open now..." She trailed off as she began to dote over the amber antiseptic bottle. She dipped a swab into the head of the bottle, and then brought it to the gash.

I flinched as the cold harsh liquid stung at the open wound like a bee stinging its prey. "And?"

"And I want to know something."

"Yeah, what's that?" I inquired as Bella took out a small band-aid, unwrapped it from its paper packaging and placed it gently on the cut.

Bella stopped dabbing, making eye contact with me. She sighed as she put down the swab onto a clean napkin. Bella took my hands into her, "Why didn't you tell me about Jacob and his promiscuity from the beginning…especially after you saw him at the Grove with Rose?"

_Oh, Jesus…she overheard…_

"How did you…find out?" I sat back in the kitchen chair, watching her.

"It was a little hard not to overhear while we were at Rose and Emmett's, Edward. Rose's voice can carry. Besides, I already knew. I mean, between these obscure conversations you and Jake used to have, the pieces fell into place. I'm not an idiot."

Bella sighed, and then shook her head, continuing, "When the press came out with that story about you and Rose…I had this feeling that it was a fabrication of lies. Something was amiss. You were not that guy that Jacob made you out to be. And deep down inside I always knew that. But, the thing is, you didn't think about telling me. You didn't think about the repercussions to the situation you created."

I picked up my glass and walked over to the sink. I turned to face her, leaning against the countertop, "I wanted you to be happy."

_When you say it out loud, you sound foolish._

"But I wasn't….not to mention, if you just told me…I mean why would I want to be with a man who tried to …to…" Flustered, Bella looked down at her hands for a moment, then began cleaning up the mess.

"I didn't know if you would believe me, Bella. Sometimes if you tell someone something bad about the person they're about to marry…well, let's just say, I didn't think you would have believed me."

"You never even _tried _to tell me, Edward. You were supposed to be my friend."

_I was your friend! I thought you were happy. I thought it was where you wanted to be._

I took in a deep breath. The smell of scotch whiskey and antiseptic burned my sinuses.

_You thought wrong, Cullen._

"Bella, Esme used to tell us when we were kids, if you love something set it free." I watched the liquid in my glass slosh around in circles as I nervously swished the glass in a circular motion. I looked up, meeting her gaze, and then continued, "I set you free. You looked so happy and I thought it was the drink that made Jacob do the things he did. I thought once he married you, things would be different. That he would change."

"Yes, well, he didn't change. He got worse." Bella began to slam the medical supplies into a small tin box I kept them in.

"Bella, I didn't know…and I'm sorry."

"He could have raped Rose, Edward! And now you're standing there telling me you were giving me to him because you loved me?" Bella yelled as she slammed the box shut.

_Please…don't do this…_

I raised my voice an octave, "I fucked things up. In hindsight I should have handled things better. But it was just my instinctual reaction to the situation. It's not like I had the time to think things out. I had the prying eyes of the press, you, my family…I had to think of everyone! And trust me, Isabella, you were at the forefront of every thought I've had since we have met. Besides," I paused, walked over to her sitting figure, and knelt beside her. I continued in a softer voice, "I never thought you would ever reciprocate the feelings I had for you, Bella. I never thought…"

"You never thought at all," Bella replied, matching my tone. She let out a slow deep breath, then caught my attention once again, pulling my hands into hers.

"I'm sorry. From the depths of my soul, I'm sorry."

Bella stood up, metal box in hand, side-stepping my kneeling body. I grabbed her forearm, spinning her towards me, "Please don't be mad at me."

Bella smiled delicately, her eyes softening, "I'm not mad. Disappointed? Maybe. But not mad."

I released her arm. She walked over to the Formica countertop, laid the box down and began rummaging through her small black clutch. I watched, confused, as she began going through a few small pieces of papers, sifting through them like she was going somewhere.

I cleared my throat attempting to interrupt her. She didn't flinch as she continued looking at the small papers with interest. I didn't know what she was thinking or what she was doing and I hated that. Bella was easy to read in most cases, but when she wanted to be secretive she could be.

"What are you doing?"

With a matter-of-fact tone, Bella replied, without looking up at me, "I'm going to Jacob's."

_What?_

"Excuse me?" I asked. The shocked expression on my face was probably priceless.

She looked up, "I need my stuff Edward." Bella looked down at her casual attire and gave me a sexy grin, continuing, "I mean I can't go around like this everyday, right?"

I made my way to her, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist, nuzzling her neck with my lips, "You're not going over there. I'll send Felix. Shit, I'll send Heidi. But you are not going over there. Especially alone."

I felt Bella's body stiffen. She turned to face me, lacing her arms around my neck, "I can handle Jacob."

"You didn't see the look he gave me Bella. He wanted to kill me."

"If I remember the scene correctly, I saw _you_ strangling _him_." Bella smiled smugly.

I gave her a half-smirk, half-smile, "Alright, you have a point. From your point of view, he looked like he was having a problem. But I still don't want you to go. I don't trust him."

She placed a kiss on the tip of my nose, "You win…I won't go."

She ran her hand through my hair, then patted the side of my face gently, "We'll get Felix to go tomorrow."

"Absolutely. Now, will you ever forgive me? For not telling you about Rose and Jacob?"

She gave me a small smile, "You have a lot of making up to do."

I placed a light kiss on her bottom lip, "I do?"

"Yes, you do." She looked into my eyes once again, "_A lot_ of making up to do."

I cupped her face within my hands, "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

My cock began to throb at the thought of us spending the rest of our lives together. I picked her up; carrying her to our bedroom like a husband would carry his newlywed bride. Bella laughed freely. Uninhibited.

As we passed the front door, Bella replied, "Wait. Go back."

I stopped, confused at her request. She hopped out of my arms, walked to the front door and locked it. I smiled at her.

"Don't want anyone barging in," Bella replied, hopping into my arms once again. I caught her light frame mid-air. She began running soft kisses down my neck as I carried her down the hallway to the bedroom. I laid her down gently onto the bed, our bodies never breaking our connection.

Her eyes danced in anticipation as I unbuttoned the dress shirt. My voice dropped down to a sexy whisper, "There is one thing I was sure of the moment you walked into the house two weeks ago."

My green eyes burned into hers as I continued unbuttoning the dress shirt.

"What was that, sweetheart?" She cooed.

The shirt fluttered open to reveal her perfect body. I placed my hand over her beautifully beating heart, "I knew that my heart needed to beat next to yours for all time. You have made me a whole person. You are the key to my heart. I will always love you, forever."

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and smiled that precious smile that I adored, "I'll love you forever, Edward."

With that, she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into her tender kiss.

I could have lived in that kiss forever. And I think a part of me did.

We made love for hours. It was exquisite. By one o' clock in the morning, Bella lay curled up in my arms.

My face was sore, my body was exhausted, and I was mentally drained.

But I had my Bella, so all was right with the world.

I caressed her soft tendrils, listening to a cricket chirp outside my open bedroom window. As my eyes began to flutter shut, Bella said in a tender voice, "I love you."

Unconsciousness overtook me as I breathed, "I love you, too."

I don't know what it was that jerked me out of my peaceful slumber at three o' clock in the morning, whether it was the out-of-the-ordinary silence that encompassed me, or the sheer fact that I knew something wasn't right, or that my body knew something was wrong.

My eyes fluttered shut as I turned to face Bella's sleeping body. Just a touch would put my paranoia at ease.

My fingers searched for her familiar soft skin only to find a cold, empty sheet.

I sat up in bed at the realization like a shot of adrenaline had been pumped into the length of my spinal column. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness. As I slid into the pair of jeans I had thrown next to the bed, the telephone in the living room rang shrilly.

I nearly tripped twice as I stumbled down the hallway into the living room, slipping a black T-shirt over my head.

_Bella…Bella… please let it be Bella._

"Hello?"

"Edward? Edward, its Alice!" My sister was in hysterics.

My stomach plummeted at the high-pitched nervous twitter that had my sister in a tizzy. Something bad had happened.

"Edward? Edward I just got a call from Crystal, and she said-"

"Who the fuck is Crystal?" I growled into the telephone receiver. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour at the possibilities of what was happening. I mean, who in the hell was this Crystal person and why didn't I know about her?

_Maybe because you've been intimate with Bella for all of two and a half weeks. Maybe you don't know every facet of her, Cullen…The woman had a life before you, you conceited bastard._

I walked over to a small safe I had hidden behind the bar.

"Bella's friend! Edward, goddammit listen! Bella went to Jacob's. You better get down there. I don't have a good feeling about this at all."

"I'm on my way," I replied roughly. The adrenaline coursing through my veins was in overdrive. I manipulated the lock on the safe, opened the small heavy door and took out my Colt .32. It was a present from Jacob. He had two, and had given one to me as a birthday gift.

I handled the Colt with a skilled hand. Jacob's father, Billy, used to take us out shooting as kids. I was a dead-shot every time. The cool steel of the gun felt good in my hands as I checked the chamber. It was clear. I checked the clip. Six bullets.

Alice continued to talk into the receiver.

_He hurts her again, I'll kill him._

Alice concluded our conversation, "Be careful, Edward."

"Alice…I love you, baby girl."

I hung up without waiting for her response.

I slipped on my black leather jacket, holstered the pistol and grabbed my keys from the bar.

All I could do was think about her.

My Bella.

Twenty minutes.

That's how long it took me to get to Jacob's over-extravagant house in the Canyon.

_Damn you Bella!_

I told her not to go over there. She told me she wouldn't. I hit the steering wheel in frustration as I climbed the hills of Benedict Canyon. The car sped along without hesitation, like it knew I couldn't lose a moment's time.

_I should have made her promise._

I pulled up the long driveway, threw my car into park, and bounded up four steps in my race to get to the front door. As I placed my hand on the burnished brass doorknob, I heard Bella scream.

The knob turned freely as I tore into the house, to find the most horrifying thing I had ever seen.

Glass was shattered around the plush white carpet, and Jacob hovered over Bella's almost lifeless body as she jerked uncontrollably, his large hands wrapped around her throat.

Jacob looked up at me with a drunken snarl, his eyes shrouded in hate and vehemence. "Get out of MY FUCKING HOUSE!"

Instinctively, I tore the gun from the inside of my jacket and cold-cocked him on the side of the head, relaxing his release on Bella's throat and sending him backwards. Blood dripped from his temple. The same temple I had split the skin on earlier that evening.

Quickly, I grabbed the white receiver of the princess phone that lay on an ornate table next to Bella's struggling body. I dialed quickly as I dropped to my knees. Immediately my fingers flew to her neck, checking her pulse.

_Oh, God, please…please…_

Her pulse was weak. The phone rang several times before my father picked up.

"Hello?" my father answered in a groggy voice.

Unbeknownst to me, I was in tears, gasping for air, "Dad…Dad…Bella's hurt. Jacob…Dad? Meet me at L.A. General."

I hung up without waiting for a response.

Jacob's battered, still body laying two feet away from me was forgotten.

"Bella? Bella, baby?" My voice was getting higher with every word I spoke, cradling her head between my hands.

_Oh, Jesus…please no…_

I gathered her in my arms.

"_Tell me…" she whispered._

"_I love you."_

"_As do I, Edward."_

"I can't be without you Bella…can't be without your light, love. We're not over. This isn't how we're going to end. I won't let it end this way, goddammit."

As I stood, her head lulled towards me. Her breathing was shallow. Barely audible.

"Keep breathing baby…it's not time for you, love," I whispered, as tears flowed off of my cheeks onto her limp body.

I continued to talk to her as I carried her out the front door, "C'mon Bella. You need to fight for this, baby. We're leaving all this behind us now. You can't leave me…"

_Breathe, baby…_

As I carried her out the front door, I remembered one thing.

_Breath by breath._

She was an extraordinary woman.

_Just breathe…_

_**Leave me some special luvin' because we are almost done folks…up next, the epilogue…then the continuation of The Pin-Up Girl…**_

_**Smooches & Stars, Baby Loves! Xoxoxoxox**_

_**~Cozmedic**_


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: First & foremost, these characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-Up Girl, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**

**Instead of putting my props and accolades at the beginning, I have decided to put them at the end today….so please read Author's Notes at the end of this epilogue….thanks bunches! **

**There is, of course, my playlist, for the epilogue: **

**Superchick – Bowling Ball**

**LaRue - Jaded**

**Mazzy Star – Fade Into You**

**Superchick – Beauty From Pain**

**Without further ado, here it is…the epilogue of Part One to **_**The Pin-Up Girl**_**…**

_**Chapter Twenty-two – (Bella's POV) ~**_

I believe that men sometimes need to hear a lie to set their minds at ease.

Not that I am an advocate of deception and betrayal, but sometimes men need to hear what they want to hear so they can live peacefully. At least long enough to have a peaceful night's sleep.

I was stopped at the side of the road on Benedict Canyon Boulevard. My hands were shaking. My stomach was twisted into a set of knots. And my breathing was getting more shallow and ragged as my car inched closer to Jacob's house.

_This is a bad idea, Bella. Turn back._

I couldn't turn back. I had to finish this. On my own.

Edward had been my saving grace. He had helped me so much in the past couple of weeks, I couldn't ask anymore of him. I had to handle Jacob on my own.

I got out of the car with a nickel in my Levi's pocket and walked the quarter of a mile back towards the phone booth that I had passed a few minutes before.

_It's three o' clock in the morning, who in the hell are you going to call, Bella?_

Crystal Parker.

My friend. My confidant. The one who didn't put up with my bullshit.

The door on the telephone booth was battered and broken, no doubt from a group of pesky kids trying to stuff themselves in it.

I yanked it open, stepped inside the booth, picked up the receiver and dropped my nickel in the slot. A nasally sounding operator squeaked through the telephone lines, "Operator."

"Um…yes...Castle four-three-two-five please."

"Hold please. Thank you."

The phone rang twice before a smooth familiar voice fueled the phone line in a raspy half-asleep growl, "Someone better be dead."

"Crystal? Crystal, it's Isabella. Don't hang up." I practically shouted with frantic abandon into the telephone.

"Isabella? Sweetheart? What happened?" Crystal was on full alert now, her voice panic-stricken. I knew as soon as she realized what time it was, she would immediately think the worst.

_Wouldn't you? Three o' clock in the morning phone call to your best friend who has had the not-so-greatest luck with men in the past year. Of course she would have a stroke over your phone call._

"Isabella Swan, you better speak, dammit! My mud mask is starting to crack and I am getting rather irritated at the interruption of my dream with Cary Grant. He was just about to tear my blouse off of me."

Imagining Crystal slathered in green mud, her hair piled in rollers and wrapped in tissue was almost comical.

I found my voice, "I'm going to his house, Crystal."

"Who's house? What in blue blazes are you talking about, darlin'?" Crystal's Kentucky drawl began to seep through the lines as she got more agitated.

"I'm going to see Jacob."

"WHOA! I read what happened in this evening's paper, Bells. You're not going over there. What if something happens? Does Edward know about this?" I knew Crystal well enough to know that she was already unwrapping her hair in hysteria.

I tried to soothe her, tapping my ballet flats against the metal of the booth, "Jake won't do anything to me."

"Do I need to remind you of the incident four months ago?"

I flinched. Leave it to Crystal to dredge up bad memories.

"Crystal, he was drinking. He didn't mean anything by it…"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, Bells! He Johnny-cocked you on the side of the face! Open palm!" Crystal's voice had become shriller with each word that passed her lips.

As Crystal's voice climbed the octave levels of a sheet of music, mine became softer, "I had it coming, Crystal. You know I can push his buttons…"

"Bells, you had a bruise on the side of your face for two days. You called in sick to a shoot, darlin'. Which you never do, I might add, because of, _swoon, _our dearest Edward Cullen. Then you had to cover the side of your face in five inches of pancake make-up, hoping against all hopes that no one would notice. I don't care who ya'll are, darlin', that's not right. Nuh-uh…not right in my book. Holy shit-balls! That's not okay in anyone's book!"

"Crystal, stop. I need to talk to him. Just tell me everything will be fine. Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

"Does Edward know?" Crystal repeated.

"No," I said firmly, and then continued, "And no one's going to tell him. Right?"

"Let's sum this up, my little Einstein: It's three in the morning after a disastrous evening scuffle at the Grove between my friend's new steady and her abusive husband…yes, that's right, darlin' I said it…abusive. And you're telling me I can't say anything to anyone? I'm calling the nice boys at the asylum. You know the ones in the cute little white outfits that drive that fan-cy truck with the padded backseat?"

_Kentucky accent at full speed equals Swan in trouble. _

I rolled my eyes, "This isn't open for discussion Crystal. I'm hanging up now. And I'm going."

"Isabella Marie don't y'all dare hang up on me! I am the closest thing you have to a mama, chil'! Don't you dare hang up on yer mama!"

I hung up. She'd understand. And she would forgive me. As usual.

I stood outside the front door for a solid ten minutes. Arguing with myself if what I was about to do, was the right thing to do.

_If the doorknob turns, I go in…If the doorknob is locked, I turn around and go back to Edward's bed, make love to him, and forget that I was dumb enough to try and confront Jacob at three o' clock in the morning._

I gripped the knob with white-knuckle strength, turning the burnished brass door handle slowly, hoping it would give resistance to tell me it was locked.

_Jacob never locks the door. What are the chances…_

It turned freely.

_Damn it all to hell._

I walked into the house, straightening my posture as I made my way into the expansive and ornate living room I had grown to despise.

I slammed the front door behind me, announcing my presence. The bang of wood hitting wood echoed within the walls of my own plastic prison.

Jake's woodsy cologne hung deep within the confines of the house. The smell used to remind me of warmth and love. It used to be a gentle reminder of my husband's love: Jacob's arms wrapped around me in a protective cocoon while we snuggled in front of the fireplace during a rainstorm. Jacob telling me I was his world. Jacob's hot hands running the curves of my waist, telling me I was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

But now, the room only reminded me of pain. Physical, mental, and emotional torment I had endured for six short months. Pain that had been erased from my memories in two and a half weeks by my soul mate. My true love.

My Edward.

_Edward's hands running up and down my body. His mouth enveloping my own in passionate kisses so sweet it made my heart skip every time I thought of him._

The smell of Jacob's musky scent wafted through my nostrils once more, snapping me back to reality. I scanned the room taking in all of the misty-colored memories trying like hell to recollect why I was here. Torturing myself. In my own personal hell.

It was hard to be here.

I needed a drink.

As I made my way to the small bar cart we kept in the corner of the luxurious room, I ran my hand along the smooth backing of the very expensive brown leather couch.

_The place I had found out I had lost the baby._

I looked down at the white Oriental rug that adorned the cold hardwood floors.

_The carpet he threw me on when he forced himself into me for the last time._

The room he had hit me in when we had both had a little too much to drink.

"_You stupid son-of-a-"_

_SMACK!_

With every step I took, and every memory I rehashed, I gained more confidence in my step. I was doing the right thing. I had to confront Jake and tell him this was over. That we were over.

And as my confidence continued to bloom, I knew I still needed a fucking drink to calm my nerves.

My palms were sweating as I began to pour myself a straight glass of bourbon, no ice.

_No need to beat around the bush._

I threw back the liquid in one fluid movement. I set the glass down a little too loudly, making no effort to hide my presence in the house.

I knew Jake was home. His red Cadillac was parked in front of the house.

I poured myself another bourbon, with a couple of cubes of ice this time, picked up the glass and made the familiar walk to Jake's office down the hallway. I stopped at the closed door, noticing the dim burn of light that escaped underneath the crack of the large heavy door. I laid a light touch with my fingertips into the ornate carvings in the wood.

_Now or never, Bella. _

I pushed open the door to find Jacob slumped over his desk, his right hand clenched around his ebony tresses. Like he was trying to pull out his hair from the roots.

"Jake?" I said after a few moments.

Jake's tall, overbearing stature didn't move one muscle as I swished the liquid around in my glass. The ice clinked lightly against the crystal with each pass of circular motion. It looked like a mini tornado.

_Wish I could get sucked in…_

I sighed loudly, attempting to break Jacob's struggles.

He was still wearing his tattered dress shirt, splattered in blood. His head hung into his hands. Jake's normally styled hair was disheveled. An almost empty bottle of his favorite drink sat next to him. Bourbon.

As I inched closer to the desk, I noticed what he had been staring at for an indefinite amount of time, unmoving.

Black and white photographs. Edward and I at Chateau Marmont.

My stomach hit the floor.

"Jacob, the only thing I'm sorry for-." I began.

His head snapped up, catching my gaze with his. Through clenched teeth he interrupted, "You haven't even begun to be sorry for what you've done."

I closed my eyes for a half of a second, and then locked my gaze with his. My eyebrows furrowed into a V-shape, shrouding my eyes. I walked up to his desk, slammed my glass down, sloshing the amber liquid over the rim, and proceeded to slap both of my palms into the deep mahogany.

"Don't threaten me! I've had enough of your threats! Goddamn it, Jake! You knew this was going to happen. You knew we were at the end. And if you didn't know, well, then you're a fucking idiot!"

I grabbed my glass without waiting for a response and stormed out of his office, making my way back into the living room.

I heard Jacob scramble from behind the desk, chasing after me. As I began to throw back the remains of my drink, I felt his strong grip around my upper arm as he spun me around. The glass flew like a bat out of hell from my grasp and shattered in a thousand shards all over the hardwood floor and the white plush carpet of the living room rug.

"I love you, Isabella!" he yelled, two inches from my face. His breath reeked of bourbon and stale cigarettes. His beautiful brown eyes were deep set and withdrawn. I could tell he hadn't been sleeping well. My surprised gasp became short, wispy inhalations as he threw his curled fist into my face, forcing me to look at the picture of the kiss Edward and I shared.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head, "You never loved me Jacob. You loved the idea of me. But never me."

Pain began to travel up my arm as his strong fingers pinched the tender skin. "That's bullshit!" Jacob slurred, then continued, "Look at this picture, Isabella! This should be me and you. Not you and Edward Cullen!"

"It should be. But it never was us…and it never will be." I tried like hell to shrug his grip off of my arm, but his grasp only tightened the more I moved.

"Open your eyes, you whore, and look at this fucking picture!" His voice boomed throughout the house.

_This was such a bad idea._

"Look. At. The. Fucking. Picture!" He repeated his voice reaching stronger heights.

My eyes flew open in a mix of rage and frustration. How dare Jacob Black tell me what to do anymore? I once again locked my sights with his, my jaw clenching.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" I yelled back.

"You're my wife, Isabella! Mine! Not his! I can do whatever the fuck I want with you."

My voice dropped to a low snarl, "Not anymore Jacob. You don't fucking own me."

Jacob's grip was beginning to cut the circulation off in my arm, "I fucking own you, him and half of this town Isabella. I have this city so threaded that you won't be able to take a shit without wondering whose watching."

I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the sheer fact that Jacob had turned into a delusional nutball and I thought it was fucking hilarious, or it was the mere fact that his delusion of grandeur was really that comical to me, or that I was under an unusual amount emotional duress. I wasn't certain. But, nonetheless, no matter what state of mind I was in, I let out a laugh.

A laugh that infuriated him so much, that what happened next caught me off guard. So much so in fact that I let out a loud shrill scream that I didn't even recognize as my own.

Jacob grabbed my throat in one of his over-sized hands, cutting off my air passages. The pressure of his forefinger and thumb was so overpowering, my ability to breathe was cut off almost instantaneously.

It felt like someone shoved a sock down my throat and left it there to rot. I felt the walls of my esophagus collapse.

I begged and pleaded with my eyes for him to stop.

"Jake…" I tried to spit out, but I couldn't. A distorted sense of reality began to take over my brain. My thoughts flipped through scenes of a movie in a random process of beautiful memories.

Memories of my life.

My father's smile, my mother's beauty, fishing in the riverbeds of Forks, swinging on an old tire swing in the rain, Jacob's soft features captured by glistening raindrops, my wedding.

And then there were the green orbs of light penetrating my soul, cameras snapping my every look, my every touch, my every thought, and a pair of gentle hands caressing the slopes of my body. Needing me, loving me within every inch of my life.

Edward telling me he loved me. Over and over and over again.

"_I love you, Isabella."_

Somewhere in the distance, I heard the front door crash open.

A sudden pounding resounded throughout my head. I could not decipher whether it was the blood attempting to keep its pulsing beat within my body, or if someone else had entered the room. I guess I really didn't care.

"Keep breathing baby…it's not time for you, love,"

It was an angel's voice.

"C'mon Bella. You need to fight for this, baby. We're leaving all this behind us now. You can't leave me…"

My angel. My Edward.

I wanted to fade into that voice. I wanted it to cover me in its warm loving caress like a warm bath after a long day. To envelope me in its cocoon, swaddling me in its sweet escape. I wanted it to absorb me in its delicate murmurs.

But the voice disappeared just as quickly as it had made itself present. Like a ghost in the mist.

_Keep breathing, baby…it's not time for you, love._

And like a curtain in a theatre falling for the last time at the end of a play, the lights dimmed and my world faded to black.

_**To be continued…**_

_**The Photographer**_ is currently in progress and what chapters I have done will be posted one-by-one starting tomorrow.

_**Author's Notes:**_

Today I am sort of long-winded, because it is the end of Part One and everything, so I am a tad emotional…forgive me in advance…

It has been fun, it has been scary as hell, and it will continue to be a great fucking ride…Buckle up kids, _**this**_ was only the beginning.

_**To the Readers: **_

Again, my heart-felt thanks to everyone who posted their love and support of this fanfic. I am beyond thrilled that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I give you my hugs, my heart, and my kisses. If you have read this story and have never come out of the coat closet…come out from lurk-dom and leave me some good luvin' (I won't bite, unless you want me to). I would love to meet you and give you my personal thanks.

_**Much Love: **_

To my girl, the bestest Beta ever, my sister Kiki. BTW-Frodo loves you…(or Gwen, whichever you prefer…*giving sad Frodo eyes*)

_**More Love: **_

There are several girls on this site that have held my hand during some or all parts of this process that I have to send shout-outs to—CLPSuperstar (Everyone knows she is my KY twin…and I do not mean KY Jelly, folks, I mean Kentucky so get your minds out of the fucking gutter LMAO), Carolyn (my support Bunny who nudged me off of the cliff with my sister), Dazzled~By~Jake (my girl who gave me my own fucking country), Diane Normandin & Rhodes (my Ebert & Roper of the FFFW), FL95 (Jo, you are my drinking buddy, now hand me some Patron, dammit), Lindz (my encourager when I needed love), Moaning Mona (my tackle pal & soap opera radio announcer extraordinaire), and last, but so not least, my Chat Bitches, my Girls Next Door, you know who you are you crazy bitches…Hugs & Hearts to you girls!

Smooches & Stars, Hearts & Hugs!

I love you all so much! Thank you for reading!

~Cozmedic xoxoxoxoxox


	24. Chapter 23

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

_**WELCOME to Part Two of The Pin-Up Girl, The Photographer! I hope you all enjoy the second half to this little fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it. **_

_**Smooches & Stars, Hearts & Hugs, Dah-Lings! xoxoxox**_

_**Thank You's: **_

_**To my Beta, my best friend, my Sam…Kiki, you're the best. I still am trying hard to comprehend how you tolerate my shit…**_

_**Carolyn, my gal pal, love ya girl. CLPSuperstar, thanks for pushing me. **_

_**Of course, the chapter wouldn't be complete without a playlist:**_

_**Shirley & Lee – Let the Good Times Roll**_

_**The Kooks – See The World**_

_**Amy Winehouse - Cupid**_

_**X – Breathless**_

_**Great Northern - Story**_

_**Christina Aguilera – I Got Trouble**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-three (BPOV) ~**_

He was perfect.

Eyes the color of sparkling emeralds. Sun-touched copper tresses. Skin that almost sparkled like diamonds.

I was so hung up on Edward Cullen that I didn't even know what to do with myself. Whenever I was around him, I needed a panty change. Every time I was graced by his god-like presence I melted like butter in a frying pan on a scorching stovetop. He was the most famous photographer in Tinseltown.

_And the most fuckable._

Every actress, starlet and glam gal wanted him.

_Including me._

I was so entrenched in his presence because of one reason. He was my photographer. The only one I allowed to take my pictures. The only one I wanted in my bed. Between my thighs. In my heart.

_You are truly twisted, Bella._

I had one problem.

_Crazy and diseased are better words…_

I was also in love with another man.

_A forced love, maybe. A love worth dying for, never. _

Maybe not in love…but it didn't mean I didn't have love for him. He was a good man. Underneath all the scar tissue, he was still a good man.

_Be honest with yourself, Swan, you're not in love with him. At least not anymore._

My husband, my agent, Jacob Black.

_I am a sick bitch._

My leg twitched nervously as I sat in my appointed make-up chair.

Through the slit in the white linen canopy, I could see Edward sitting in his director's chair smoking a cigarette, talking to his bitch, or dare I say his assistant, Heidi.

_She's always all over him. Poor bastard._

My assistant and my best friend, Alice Cullen, doted over me like a mother hen with a make-up stick of some kind in one hand, a kohl eyeliner pencil in the other, and a large make-up brush hanging out of her mouth like a Cuban cigar. Her short black hair was tucked meticulously into pin-curls.

_I'd like to be all over him. My hands. My legs. _

Alice sighed, "Isabella, please cooperate. I've told you twice now to look down and you keep staring off into space, honey."

I yanked my attention back to Alice in the mirror as she expertly applied my black eyeliner on my lids while keeping her smart white pant-suit smudge-free. I could never do that. Hell, I could never apply such extravagant make-up without her assistance. Basics, I could cover. Extreme make-up like today needed a professional.

"Alice, you know how nervous I get about these things," I replied. My foot was shaking so bad I thought it would come off at the ankle.

"If you don't sit still Isabella, your make-up will not come out well and Edward will have my rear end. These shoots cost them thousands of dollars every day we're out here, honey."

She smiled as heat rose up to my cheeks, "Now, that's the perfect shade of pink."

I was a train wreck. Hell, I was always a train wreck when Edward was around.

Heidi's thick cackle shook me out of any reverie I might have been in. I grabbed at Alice's jacket, "Tell me today will go well."

_Can you be anymore insecure, Swan?_

Alice looked down at me, untangling my hands from her Dior suit. "Today, like every other day since my brother found you, will go well."

Alice continued as she forced me to look into the mirror, manipulating my face with her hands until I made eye contact with the image that stared back at me. "Look at that gorgeous woman in the mirror, Isabella."

_Gorgeous on the outside. A fucking consorted mess on the inside._

Heidi's shrill giggle sent angry shockwaves to my core. I hated that laugh. It was like nails on a chalk board.

Flustered, I shook Alice's small gentle hands from my face, and then began picking invisible lint from my satin robe, "Are you done, Alice?"

Alice sighed heavily, still chewing on the end of the thick make-up brush. "Yes, I suppose. Go…be free little swan."

I gave her a crooked grin and a raised eyebrow. Alice always called me her "little swan".

Alice gave me wink, "You look beautiful."

Heidi cackled once again. Chills speckled my arms.

I stared through the opening in the tent.

He was fucking gorgeous. Everything about him was the epitome of beauty. Panty-changing, Greek-god status greatness.

_Chiseled pecks, thighs of steel…._

"Isabella!"

"What?" I replied with slow, deliberate pronunciation.

Son-of-a-bitch! I was so hot for him.

"Honey, you need to shed the robe."

I looked down at the short, satin frock, pulled at the thin ties, allowing the satin to fall from my shoulders to the ground. Alice handed me an over-sized pair of white sunglasses. I placed them on my face and emerged from the tent, confident and collected. What could I say, I was a great actress.

_Hey, Edward! Come ogle these goodies._

I walked out into the blazing sun, tits pointing straight into the air like a proud bitch in heat, shoulders back, head held high with pride. My Dior clad feet walked with an overflowing amount of confidence.

_Fuck yes!_

The sun pricked my skin with its soft heat. The pre-summer sun was already warm and inviting. It was a perfect day for a shoot. Edward waved me towards him.

As I approached, I heard myself say in a breathless tone, "Where would you like me Edward?"

My breathing had to stabilize. I felt like I was going to pass out. He was so fucking beautiful, he took my breath away.

_Damn, I would love to impale myself on him. Have him straddled underneath my thighs. I could ride him all fucking day. _

He wasn't paying attention to what I just said. He stood there with that sexy grin on his face. Looking at me. Well, not really _at me_, but through me. He always had that faraway look on his face whenever I was around. I would have given a thousand dollars to anyone who could dictate to me what he was thinking.

_He was probably thinking about Heidi. Stupid bitch always got in my way._

And here's the funny part…I have been told time and time again-by rag hags, newspaper reporters, press, women and children, that I have an uncanny ability to rile an impotent man from cock-stupers. But when it came to Edward Cullen, I lacked any power to do anything to him.

_Son-of-a-bitch…Look. At. Me._

I waved my gloved hand in front of his face, "Mr. Cullen?"

_Winning smile, sex-wet eyes…now…there's my boy. My man._

Again, I waved my hand in front of his face like an idiot, then smiled, dropping my voice into that seductive hush everyone loved so much, "Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes, love, right there on the chaise lounge by the pool."

_I will have you, Mr. Cullen. Today's the day. _

Edward had that Cary Grant accent. It was so proper. So defined. It was an accent that said, 'I have lived here my whole life, but just guess where I was born'.

It was that voice. An angel's voice that I fell in love with every time he spoke to me.

Turning from Edward, I made my way with slow, deliberate strides. He had to be watching. Just had to be. Every other man would be, dammit. I gave off an air of assurance as I walked over to the white-cushioned sun lounger, sitting myself down like a dutiful child, crossing my legs, my back straight, unbuckling the charm Miss Kitty Green instilled in me at Miss Green's Academy for the Refinement of Women. The tight material of the swimsuit clung to my body like it was a second skin. When I looked up from positioning myself, to my dismay, he was talking to Heidi.

_Bitch. Gets. In. The. Way. Every. Time._

I smiled my sex-soaked smile, dropped the shades from my face slowly, locking my eyes on his emerald green orbs of light as I relaxed into the thick cushion.

_Take that, Mr. "Fuck Me" Cullen._

"Are you ready, love?" Edward called.

_Anytime, any place. _

I threw him one of my contagious little girl smiles. Innocent and alluring. The one that said, I swear I am a good girl. Please come out and play with me.

Suddenly, Heidi approached Edward, sticking her hand into his pants pocket. She was killing me slowly as she purposely fumbled around in his pants. I rolled my eyes as she began touching him in places I didn't want her to sully. Edward Cullen was mine. I mean, forgive me for being somewhat territorial but, really, he was meant for me.

_Meant for you, Swan? You're married, sweetheart. And he is up to his neck in women. He doesn't need another cheese cake model to take up residence in his address book._

That was it. It was time for war.

I uncrossed my legs, draping my entire body in the lounger. I knew I looked good. The red bathing suit alone was to die for, but coupled with the red gloves and my new favorite black stilettos, let's just say I knew I looked drop-dead gorgeous. I crossed my gams at the ankles, casually lifting my arms over the back of the lounger above my head.

Obviously catching his attention, he walked towards me. In my peripheral vision, I saw his eyes gaze over my body.

_That's it sweets. Take it all in. This can all be yours._

"Prop up on your left elbow; place your hair over your left shoulder, love. Head up, tuck in your chin slightly. Good, love. Now cast your eyes down towards me. Perfect," Edward said.

_Fuck, did it always have to be about work?_

I did as I was told, positioning myself according to his suggestions. Goddamn, his voice was sexy. It was always so rough, yet relaxed.

He walked up to me, pulling a strand of my hair over my shoulder. His touch made me quiver in anticipation. I felt all the blood I had in my face flow into my cheeks. It was an embarrassing attribute I hated.

"My apologies, Edward." The left side of my mouth inched into a half-smile as I looked down at his shoes. Brown loafers.

His fingertips graced the underside of my jaw line, pulling my chin up slightly. He smiled one of those sexy smiles that pull your panties into twists. The kind of smile that winds you so tight, you can barely think anymore. Thank God my job didn't require too much of a speaking role. Or right now I would be up a creek without a paddle.

"No apologies necessary. This is what I love about my pin-up girl. She doesn't need much direction," Edward replied. I felt white heat pulse straight to my cheeks.

I cast my eyes downward, leaned my head into my gloved hand, and plastered an intoxicating subtle smile across my face. Edward's camera clicked with fervor.

After a few more playful shots, I gave him my look. The one I was famous for. The one that I saved for him. The one that reduced every man to mush.

My lip curled slightly into a half smirk. One that contained arrogance, beauty and sex. I cast it his way, throwing my chocolate browns downward than back up to connect with his.

He stopped shooting for a half a second…

_That's it, baby. You know you want it._

…smiled like a shy little boy…

_Come to mama…_

…drawing his eyes away for a quick moment, knowing what he was doing was wrong.

_It's alright, don't be shy._

I slid my bare legs against each other, shifted onto my belly, propping my weight on both elbows, manipulating my chest to show slightly more cleavage, then threw my head back in a large girlish laugh, covering my throat with my hands, tossing my luscious locks behind me.

And then, he connected with me once more. His boyish smile turned into manly confidence as he jumped onto the planter behind me, snapping pictures.

I ran my tongue sensually along my lips, and then seductively bit at my bottom lip.

_Snap. Snap. Snap._

That's always their favorite. The tongue playfully coming out of its home for a quick peek at the outside world.

_Fuck me, Edward. Want me. Love me. _

My breath hitched as he looked down at me once more. He made my heart skip when he flashed those eyes at me.

_Breathe, Isabella. _

I continued to concentrate on my breathing. If I didn't, he would give me a goddamn heart attack.

_In. Out. One breath at a time, Swan. _

He smiled knowingly, pulling the camera back to his gorgeous chiseled features to begin clicking again.

_Breathe._

I had him hook, line and cock.

_Just breathe…_

"Baby? Baby, please wake up."

I heard his voice. That soft, sexy, sweet, nervous voice that I adored.

"Hmmm?" My voice was rough as I responded groggily. How long had I been asleep?

I allowed my eyelids to flutter open, expecting to be at Edward's home. In his bed. But instead of the soft, satin sheets I had grown used to, my legs rubbed against stiff cotton.

I turned my head to face him and was met with a withdrawn, sleep-deprived man. His five o' clock shadow was coarse and ragged against his baby soft skin. He looked at me like hope was renewed for him.

Scanning the sterile white room, I finally realized where I was.

_L.A. General. Dr. Cullen's Hospital._

The combined smells of hydrogen peroxide and alcohol wafted throughout my sinuses, confidently screaming that my assumptions were correct. I was in a hospital room. In a hospital bed.

Attempting to adjust to the bright lights, I blinked several times and rubbed my eyes. My throat was dry and burned like a son-of-a-bitch. My mouth felt like I had been eating sand for a week.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I croaked out, trying to prop myself up.

Edward immediately stood, sending his plastic chair careening six inches across the hard white linoleum of the hospital floor in his haste.

I placed my hand on his arm, looking up at him, "Baby, its okay. Relax. I can prop myself up."

Edward gave me a feeble smile, fluffing the flat hospital pillow to the best of his ability. He picked up his chair, placing it closer to me as I nestled into the pillow. He sat stiffly, leaning his forehead into mine, placing my hand into his, "You're not allowed to leave me like that again," he whispered.

I brought my hand to his rough cheek, "I never left you," I cooed, trying to satiate his angst.

Edward shut his eyes tight, squeezing all light from his sights. He whispered in a ragged breath, "You almost died, Isabella. He almost…killed you."

_What in the hell happened?_

"Edward, I'm here. Everything's alright. Baby, open your eyes. Look at me."

Edward opened his eyes and stared at me longingly. I placed his hands on my face, "Touch me, darling."

His fingers traced the silhouette of my face in silence. I closed my eyes, memorizing his touch. It was soft. Gentle. Filled with an intense shock of love. It was amazing.

I heard him sigh and opened my eyes, replying in a hushed whisper, "See? I'm still here. With you."

"You have to promise me one thing Isabella." Edward pulled away from me, but still sat close enough where I felt his breath burning hot on my lips.

I knew what he wanted me to say, and right now I would say it. Because it was the truth.

"I'll never leave you, Edward. I'll stay with you forever," I murmured. I ran my hand down his cheekbone, my fingertips travelling to his perfect mouth. I leaned in and kissed him. A sweet, tender kiss that sparked a fire within me. It was like someone turned the key to my ignition. His tongue came out slowly to meet mine. As if Edward and I had the same thought, we pulled away from each other, somewhat embarrassed.

Dr. Cullen had his back to us while he stood a few feet away, pretending to study my file. Edward cleared his throat, sitting back into the hard plastic of the chair.

I sighed as I sank back into my pillow.

"Bella, why'd you go over there?" Edward ran a hand through his hair, then pulled a cigarette box out of his sleeve. He shook out a smoke, and placed it between his lips. As he lit it with his silver Zippo lighter, Dr. Cullen turned back in our direction and cleared his throat.

"Since when can I not smoke in the hospital?" Edward shot out at his dad. I chocked up Edward's sour mood to obviously having a long night.

"Can you at least stand by the open window, Edward?" Dr. Cullen replied, scowling at his son. Edward stood up and walked to the large window.

Edward placed his right palm onto the jamb of the over-sized window, leaning his body weight into the palm. Was it wrong of me to love the way the man stood against a window frame, smoking a cigarette while I lay in a hospital bed?

"Why'd you do it, Bella?" Edward said sucking on the tube of tobacco, a scowl burrowing deep lines into his forehead. He was over-thinking again.

"What?" I replied, not quite comprehending the jump in dialogue we were taking.

"Son, she's been through a traumatic experience. Give her a moment." I looked up at Dr. Cullen as he scribbled in the file he had in his hand. Dr. Cullen's gaze broke away from his chicken scratching, and then watched me expectantly, as if I was going to shatter like hairline cracked porcelain. I had been through a lot, but what they failed to realize was that I had been through much worse in the past. This just happened to be the cherry on the sundae.

_But let's not forget, Swan, you have yet to inform Edward of those incidents._

Edward flicked his cigarette out of the window, walked back to my side and wrapped his hand around mine, before he even sat down. His delicate strength made my hand want to crumple into his as the memories of the night before flooded back to me like a tsunami crashing on the northern shore.

_Jake. Strangling. Me._

"What…What happened?" I needed confirmation. Confirmation that I wasn't crazy, or having a mental breakdown. I never thought Jake would hurt me like that. Ever.

I mean, I understood the slaps across the face or the rough handling. Hell, I even understood my obligation as a wife to have sex when I didn't want to. But I didn't comprehend the want to kill me. I never thought Jake would get that low.

_You never thought at all, Swan._

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat looking to Edward, then back to me, "You don't remember what happened last night?"

My left hand immediately went to my throat. It was tender under my touch. Edward looked down at my right hand that lay in his and absently began tracing small circles into the pale skin.

"I remember going to Jake's. I remember the yelling. Then he grabbed…" I trailed off as Edward clutched my hand into his. He looked up at me, locking our gazes. The electrical current that ran through that look was thick and charged and ready to zap any poor bastard that tried to break it.

"You came for me," I whispered in a raspy tone.

Edward ran his hand along my cheek, "I will follow you anywhere, love."

The man knew how to make my heart melt, no matter what the situation was.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat, breaking my concentration, "Isabella, Jacob was treated for some minor cuts and bruises. And the head trauma. He's being released in a few days. Depending on his recovery."

Edward's face turned hard, his voice tight, "Dad, do you think she cares about what happened to that son-of-a-bitch?"

Ignoring Edward, I replied, "Head trauma?"

"Edward hit him on the temple with a…blunt object. He could have killed him."

"But I didn't. I should have, but I didn't," Edward said in a flat tone, still stroking my hand. His touch sent small sparks throughout my body.

"A blunt object?" I replied, confused.

"The butt of a Colt .32 to be exact," Dr. Cullen replied.

_Edward brought a gun with him? Holy hell…_

Just then, my ears perked up to the sounds of a loud ruckus outside of my room, interrupting our discussion.

"Oh no! Y'all can't tell me what to do! I'm her family and y'all ain't tellin' me I can't see her. Aww, hell no, buster brown! You ain't puttin' your hands on me! This is a David Hart original!"

Edward stood up. "What in the hell?" I heard him say under his breath, making his way around the bed to investigate.

I smiled. I could identify that pissy voice in a crowd any day of the week, any time of the day.

Crystal Parker.

Singer. Songwriter. My friend. The girl who didn't take any bullshit. Especially mine.

Crystal was the only person I knew when I came to Hollywood. She helped me with a job, a place to stay, food and clothing, when I only had two dresses and a skirt and blouse ensemble. Whenever I missed home she would tell me everything would be alright. But when things were bad, she always told me, yes, things are bad, but they can only get better. She had never lied to me and I knew she never would. It was in her nature to be truthful and above-board with everyone she met. It was in her nature to be brash. It was who she was. And it was why I loved her dearly. She was a tough cookie with a thick skin.

That's why I felt bad for hiding from her for the past two weeks. No phone call. No telegram. Nothing.

_You are a class-A shit heel, Swan._

She was going to kill me.

Crystal stood in the doorway of the hospital room, clad in a black and white checked David Hart day dress. Her waist was cinched tight with a wide three-inch black patent leather belt. The full scoop neckline accentuated the set of pearls I bought her last Christmas. Her dark auburn brown locks draped to her shoulders in large curls, meticulously combed. A square understated hat adorned her head.

If I had sisters, she would definitely be one of them.

She began swatting two orderlies with her black patent leather purse, "Get your hands off of me! Bells, will you please tell them who I am?"

I strained my voice as loud as I could over the tussle, "She's my friend. Edward, please?"

Edward ran his hand through his bronze tipped locks and cleared his throat, "Gentlemen, please."

Two orderlies and a nurse stopped yanking at Crystal's arms, giving her one last dirty look and walked out. Crystal looked like a bull seeing red as they walked away.

"Hmph! Well, I never!" She declared, glaring at them, dusting the full skirt with her black-gloved hands.

Turning her attention towards me, she practically sprinted into my arms. She hopped onto the bed, bypassing Edward and Dr. Cullen's shocked faces, pulling me into a hug, "Aww, my baby girl. Look at you! You're a disaster! Where's Alice when we need her?"

She broke her embrace from mine and looked at me sternly like a mother to a daughter, shaking her index finger at me, "Missy, you don't ever hang up on me, or think of just disappearing on me like that again. Especially after you shack up with this fella for two weeks," She turned to Dr. Cullen and smirked, "She calls me and says she's going away for two weeks with this fella and not to worry about her. I tell her, honey, be careful. She says Edward will take care of her. And now look at the pickle she's gotten herself into. Lying in a fucking hospital bed, looking like she's wearing a gawd-awful eggplant colored scarf in the middle of June."

"Don't feel bad, Crystal, I hang up on everybody at one point or another. What would make you so goddamn special?" I tried to ease her nervous flittering by making light of the situation. When she put it that way, it did sound kind of bad.

Crystal snapped her head back in my direction "Don't get smart, Bells. Trauma or not, I'll still take a switch from that willow tree out there and tan your ass."

I gave her my best sexy smile that probably looked distorted because of the pain that fired through the nerve-endings of my sensitive skin, then added, "I might like that."

Crystal laughed lightly, patting the side of my face with a gloved hand, "You're diseased, Bells. But I'm glad you're alright."

Edward cleared his throat. I had forgotten that he had never met Crystal. As a matter of fact, I had never even mentioned her in the past two weeks.

_Class-A Shit Heel….remember?_

_Noted._

Crystal looked over to Edward, a dark raincloud crossing her features, "You must be Edward-fucking-Cullen!"

A tight smile crossed Edward's face as he politely extended his hand, "Crystal Parker, I'm assuming?"

Crystal looked from his hand to his face, cocked a nicely manicured eyebrow to the sky and chuckled with a hint of sarcasm, "You assume right."

Edward gave me a bewildered look, dropping his hand. I just shrugged lightly.

Crystal turned to Dr. Cullen, taking charge, as usual, "What's the prognosis Dr. Cullen?"

Dr. Cullen looked from me to Crystal, flipping open the file, "As I was getting ready to tell Isabella and Edward, she was lucky. The violent strangulation only seemed to damage her larynx, which means hot tea with honey and lemon. Try to keep talking to a minimum. Same as if you were nursing a sore throat. Jacob didn't fracture the hyoid bone in her neck, which was the one I was most concerned about, or any of the other neck bones, for that matter. Thank goodness."

Dr. Cullen looked at me, then continued, "The bottom line is that she can go home today, if she'd like to."

I began pulling the sheet from around my legs when I realized something. Did Edward still want damaged goods? Did he still want the baggage? My baggage?

My forehead crumpled in worry as I looked up at him, my eyes searching his.

_Please tell me you want me._

As if he was reading my mind, Edward replied, taking my hand into his once more, "She's going home with me." He glared at Crystal, daring her to argue with him.

_He loves me. He really does love me._

"Go home with you? Nuh-uh…you couldn't even keep the girl in bed with you, stud."

_Oh Jesus…here it comes. _

Crystal turned to me, "Baby love, you're coming home with me. No arguments."

I shook my head, biting my lower lip, "I'm going to go home with Edward, Crystal. My place is next to him, sweets."

_Please understand._

Crystal began to protest, but renegotiated when she saw in my eyes what I needed. I needed Edward. I needed him to take care of me.

_In more ways than one._

_You've almost been strangled to death, your man is sitting here looking worn and tired and all you can think about is sex. You're worse than a man._

Crystal patted my hair, gave me a small understanding smile, then turned to Edward, her frustration apparent, "That rat bastard gets near her one time, Cullen, it'll be your head on a pig pole in my front yard!"

"Why do I not doubt that?" Edward replied sarcastically as he continued to help swing my legs out of the hospital bed.

Dr. Cullen gave Edward and I a look of concern as Edward helped me stand, "Isabella?"

Walking over to the hospital room door, Dr. Cullen shut it softly, drawing his glance around the room at the three of us, "Isabella. What Jacob has done to you is very…disconcerting to me."

"Disconcerting? Well, I think it's a little more than disconcerting, doc," Crystal replied as she stood. Crystal walked over to the oversized window and took out her pack of Chesterfields. She shook one out and lit it, inhaling the smoke, then blew its nicotine trails out the window.

I sat back down on the side of the bed. I didn't want to deal with Jacob right now. All I wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath, and cuddle up with Edward on the couch, listening to Billie Holiday and eating a fat steak from the Derby. Was that too much to ask?

Edward drew another hand through his hair. He appeared agitated and out of sorts.

"Isabella? You need to tell the police," Dr. Cullen replied softly, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head, "No. This just ensures my divorce. Jacob can't fight this, Dr. Cullen." I stopped, looking at Edward's face. It was apparent he was befuddled at my bargaining chip.

"Jacob…is a decent man, Edward. You know that."

_Under the scar tissue, he was a good man. Decent. Kind._

"Are you kidding, Bella? Dad, did you give her a sedative? Because I don't think she's thinking clearly." Another rake of hand through his hair. I was hurting him.

_Just like you hurt Jake, Swan._

I forced the tears back. Pushed them to the place I had kept them for the past six months. My chin began to tremble. Edward kneeled in front of me.

"Bella, we will get through this. But you need to give up the fact that Jake…is no longer that man. He's no longer decent. I knew Jacob as a decent man and this…this is not it. He's lost. And you are not going to be the person who brings him back." Edward's hands came up to my face. His gentle demeanor got the best of me. And the tears began to crash through the haphazard dam I had created for them to hide behind.

I sniffled quietly as Edward tended to my tears, his thumbs tenderly catching the drops that cascaded down my cheeks.

Dr. Cullen sighed, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder as he passed him, "Son, he leaves that hospital bed in three days. Isabella, I want to see you in four weeks for a check up. As an interim measure, I will come by the house once a week to check the bruising and make sure you don't have any abnormal complications."

A gentle smile caressed Dr. Cullen's lips as he turned towards Crystal, who was still standing quietly at the window puffing on her cigarette, "Ms. Parker, I'm sure we'll see each other again."

Broken from her thoughts, Crystal replied absently tossing her almost extinguished smoke out of the open window, "Yes, Dr. Cullen. It was a pleasure meeting you."

With a deliberate nod, Dr. Cullen left the three of us behind a closed door. Edward helped me stand, pulling me into his arms. His embrace was warm and comforting.

I closed my eyes, whispering, "Tell me…"

I had to hear it. I had to hear those sweet words come from his lips. Jacob never told me he loved me. Not until he feared he would lose me.

I didn't want that with Edward. I loved hearing him tell me over and over again. And maybe a part of me still didn't believe that it was real. It seemed surreal to finally have everything you ever dreamed of in one man.

_Because he is your soul mate, Swan._

I felt his hands caress my hair as he clutched me tighter into his embrace, "I love you."

I heard Crystal sigh, "Baby girl? I'm going to go."

Pulling away from Edward, I glanced over to Crystal who had made her way to my side. She pecked me on the cheek, careful not taint my white skin with her fire engine-red lip color.

"What are you thinking Crystal?" I asked as she began to fuss with another cigarette.

"I am thinking that you should listen to Dr. Cullen, Bells. Get some rest. Take some time, darlin'."

I eyed her skeptically, "That's not what you're thinking Crystal."

"Yes it is." An obvious forced smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.

I sighed.

"Alright, y'all want to know what I'm thinkin'? I'm thinkin' you're being a twit. You need Jacob like you need a bowling ball dropped on your head, sister. I'm thinking you need to send his ass to jail."

"I can't! He can change, Crystal." Edward broke away from my feeble grasp, walked over to the window and lit his own cigarette. Menthol filled the room.

"If he changes, are you going back to him?" Edward asked quietly.

"Oh for cripes sake! Stop being so goddamn insecure, Edward! Jesus! She's been lovin' on you since she met you, you big-ass dummy!"

I blushed crimson, watching Edward's face break into a small smile.

He took another drag from his cigarette, attempting to hide his satisfied smile. Then within a heartbeat he faced me, his tone and his expression full of concern, "She's right Bella. You need to stop hoping for him."

"There's hope for everyone, Edward. Including Jake. Besides," I paused, walked up to him, took the cigarette from his lips and brought it to my own, then continued as I let smoke trail out of my mouth, "if there is no hope for him, how can there be hope for us?"

Crystal interjected with a somewhat crooked grin, "Because you know Edward, Bells here is the eternal optimist. She likes being that Good Samaritan all the time. Saving things that many think aren't worth saving. Including the asshole in the other room,"

Edward tore his eyes from mine and exchanged an eye roll with Crystal.

I wanted Edward to see that nothing was hopeless.

Including us.

And certainly not Jacob.

**_A/N: I thought I would interject something of my own that may need explaining. _**

**_Bella's POV can get dark. Very dark._**

_**All I ask with this part of the story is that you hang with me. I will take you to the edge, let you dangle for a bit, bring you back and make you feel safe, then push you off of the cliff, bringing you back to do it again. Just keep in mind, there is a method to my madness that I hope you will all be apart of.**_

_**I love you, dah-lings ;)**_

_**Leave me some love. **_

_**XOXOX**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	25. Chapter 24

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

_**Thank you Kiki...**_

_**To those who hopped on board the bullet train (you know who you are dammit!), Thank you again ;)**_

_**Disclaimer from Mary (Mama Cougar):**_

_**WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that reading The Photographer can lead to excessive panting, sweating, sharp increases in libido, incontinence, drooling, pallor, and a distinct lemon taste in the mouth. Read with caution and possibly a pair of Depends undergarments.**_

_**Playlist:**_

_**Never My Love – The Association**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-four (BPOV) ~**_

Our trip from L.A. General to Edward's house on the hill was filled with comfortable silence. Edward's hand never left mine. His childlike grip never faltered. It was as if he were afraid to let go. Hell, I was afraid to let go of his firm but gentle grasp.

Our touch seemed to be the single thread that kept me from teetering over the edge of my sanity.

As we drove down Normandie Avenue towards Beverly Boulevard, I rolled down my passenger's side window. The cool air of early summer wreaked havoc on my already-tangled tresses. I was dreaming of a hot bath and some peace and quiet.

_And maybe sex._

I smiled delicately at the thought as I watched countless houses, office buildings, and storefronts zip past us.

I heard Edward chuckle lightly, making a break in my empty thoughts.

I asked softly, "A penny for your thoughts?" The crisp early summer breeze felt good on my skin as Edward continued to smile, staring at the road.

He looked over for a brief moment, "I would give a hundred dollars for yours, love."

I tucked a few wild tresses behind my right ear, still never letting go of Edward's hand, replying, "I would much rather hear what you have to say about what you were thinking."

Edward pulled the car to a stop at Beverly Boulevard, waiting for the red light to turn its familiar shade of green. He looked over at me, pulled his hand from my grasp and touched my face, "You gave that smile."

"What smile?" I asked, curious.

"You have several smiles, Bella. And the one you just smiled was my favorite. It's a smile you save for me. So, I was curious what you were thinking about."

I felt a familiar sense of heat wash over my cheeks as I gave Edward a smile that screamed my embarrassment, "I don't know if I want to tell you."

_Oh my hell, how embarrassing. What were you thinking about Bella? Sex, Mr. Cullen._

"Well, well, well, Ms. Swan. I think I just caught the cat that ate the canary. You have me intrigued. What could you possibly be thinking of to make you blush such a deep crimson?" Edward steered the car through the intersection, making a left onto Beverly.

I gave him a sexy snarl as the storefronts and offices of the main street turned into small, cottage-like houses. We turned into Edward's neighborhood after a few moments. I still didn't speak. My seductive trance on Edward never faltered as he concentrated on the road.

_You sexy son-of-a-bitch…how did I get so goddamn lucky?_

His chiseled cheekbones were relaxed. His perfect lips parted ever so slightly. As the air whipped through the small cabin of his enclosed convertible, his nostrils flared softly in response. The rough five o' clock shadow that covered his face was sexy as hell. He was perfect as usual.

And as usual, good goddamn, if I didn't want him.

So. Fucking. Badly.

It was like that silly toy, the magnetized pigs. The ones that have the magnets in their butts and when you pull them apart, all they want to do is snap back together. Well, that was me to Edward. Every time he was near me, I had this intense sense of need to be touching him. An uncontrollable desire to snap back to his side.

Like now.

_Touch him, Swan. You know you want to. You know you want to run your lips down his neck to his collarbone. Do it, dammit. Do it now!_

The attraction was fierce. My hands began to quiver at the thought of Edward ravaging my body in the car.

_You're a disaster, Swan._

I had to touch him. I needed to feel his skin under my fingertips.

While he pulled the car onto his street, I could no longer control the force that propelled me towards him. It was like some sort of unforeseen set of hands shoved me into his lap. I leaned into his right ear, still controlling the tormenting urge to run my tongue along the soft skin on his neck. I whispered in a husky tone, "Do you want to know what I'm thinking, Mr. Cullen?"

The shade of his face went from white to flushed pink in the matter of seconds. Edward loved it when I called him Mr. Cullen. I figured that out within the first month I had known him. I used it like a lit matchstick next to a pile of gas-soaked rags. As soon as he heard the words "Mr. Cullen" his eyes would grow dark with desire. Like some sort of passionate bloodlust.

He never said it out loud, but I knew. Somehow I knew.

So I whispered it once more, "Mr. Cullen…"

And once again, like a man addicted to blissful torment, I watched as Edward's jaw tightened, his lips pursed into a thin, agonized line and the pink hue that tinted his skin turned bright red, with the mere mention of his name falling from my lips.

_Amazing, Mr. Cullen._

The effects of his anguish made me rub my legs together. I just needed his touch. Just once.

Still staring at the small tree-lined street, Edward's sex-filled smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. That grin was the one that made me melt from the inside-out, every goddamn time. And that look. The look he saved for me. The dark, lust-filled eye soak that made my panties wet every time, was in his glance right then.

"You like it when I call you Mr. Cullen, don't you?" I purred.

_Pull the car over and fuck me._

The grin grew wider, if that was possible. He made an audible noise that sounded like he was agreeing with me in a thick whisper, "Mhh..hhhm…"

That sound pressed me over the edge. I couldn't contain myself anymore. Everything this man did screamed sex. His smile, his laugh, his grunts, everything.

_Holy hell…fuck him now, Swan. Fuck him and ruin him for all others._

I brought my finger to his ear, tracing the delicate skin of its outer rim as my voice dropped even lower, "You want to know what I was thinking, Mr. Cullen…I'm thinking that I will never ever leave the safety of your arms again. I'm thinking that as soon as this car makes it to its final destination, we sequester ourselves for at least the evening. Tonight I will make all this up to you. Tonight, I will do nothing but make love you. Tonight, I will take care of you."

I wrapped my mouth seductively around his earlobe, sucking it gently, than releasing it as soon as I felt the car pull to a halt.

I allowed my lips to travel down the side of his neck. Edward groaned as he pushed the gearshift into park.

I felt his hands in my hair as I continued to drink in the flavor of his neck. His skin was a mix of sweet and salty as I allowed my tongue to graze at the base of his neck. My trailing kisses became more insistent. Jesus, I needed this man. He was like a tall cool glass of lemonade on a hot day in August. He was thirst-quenching. With every pass of my lips, I craved more. I needed him to finish me. To complete the hole in my heart. I could never live without him.

And the more I sat there, practically in his lap with his hands roaming my still-clothed body, the more I wanted everything he wanted.

I wanted to renegotiate the conversation I had with him at the Chateau Marmont. I wanted to take back what I said. I could chock it up to a momentary lapse in sanity. Because now, as I sat with him in his car, parked in front of his home. Our home. I wanted to marry this man. I wanted to be completely his forever. I wanted everything and anything from him. I wanted his undying love. His unyielding desire. His unrefuted passion. I wanted it all.

My own hands wove their way through his soft bronze locks. I fisted them fervently as he let his head fall back into the headrest of the front seat of the car. I wanted to fucking mount him right there in the driveway.

_You're addicted to him, Swan. Is this really healthy?_

No, it couldn't be healthy.

But it was an addiction that needed to be satiated. Like a moth to a flame, everything he did, I needed validation. Whether it was with a word spoken from his lips, a touch of his skin against mine, or even a look passing from him to me, I just needed some sense of confirmation that I was his. I needed something tangible that represented him just so I could convince myself this was all real. That he was real. That his love for me was real.

His hands released my hair, gently moving to the sides of my face. I felt him pull my head from his neck. Edward's eyes locked upon mine for a few moments. We were both breathless and out of sorts.

I softly whimpered in protest at the intrusion of space between us.

_Nice, Swan. Let him know how truly pathetic you really are…_

Edward finally spoke first, "Oh my God, Bella."

His face was flushed and he looked a bit disoriented. Hell, I probably looked the same way.

He continued in a discombobulated voice, "You…you need to rest, love."

That was Edward. Always thinking of doing the right thing.

Maybe he should do less thinking and more doing…

"All I need is you, Edward."

_Maybe you need to show him, instead of talking to him, Swan?_

Without another thought, I pulled the keys out of the ignition, and bolted from the car's confines, heading to the front door. There was something freeing about being with Edward. I felt like a bird that had been just let out of her cage.

Anyone looking in would think I belonged in the sanitarium. I had just gone through a traumatic experience, but why did I feel like that didn't matter? Jacob may have broken me, but Edward was healing me. From the inside-out. It felt so right. Being here with Edward made me feel like I could accomplish anything. Including the power to heal what I knew was broken in a matter of moments.

_You're in love. Being with Edward is just right. Like apple pie and vanilla ice cream. You're perfect together._

I fumbled with Edward's house keys, smiling like a school girl. The key slipped into its slot and twisted the tumbler until the door gave way and I stumbled into the house.

_Is that what it was? Love?_

My smile turned into fits of giggles as I felt Edward's hands wrap around my waist from behind me. I tossed the keys onto the decorative entryway table. The door slammed shut behind us as we fell into a fit of unrestrained laughter like two children stumbling over a found case of chocolate bars.

The laughter in the house signified so much.

Love.

_Check…You have that with him, Swan._

Happiness.

_Check…Check…You have that too._

Freedom.

_Be free, Little Swan._

I felt Edward's warm breath brush the side of my cheek, "You are awful spunky for someone who just left a hospital bed, Bella," he chuckled in this unbelievably sexy voice that made all my girl-parts tingle in anticipation. The current that flowed between the two of us was uncontrollable. With every breath he breathed onto my cheek, shockwaves of joy swelled my heart.

_Be free…_

I turned around to look at his face. I had to look into his eyes. I had to get lost in them. I had to tell him how much I loved him.

And how much I wanted only him. No one else. Just Edward.

Edward beamed at me. He radiated happiness that I was merrily reciprocating. Before a single word could escape my lips, he completed my thoughts, "Stay with me forever, Isabella."

_I would crawl through brimstone and fire to stay with you forever, Edward._

I loved it when he called me Isabella. I loved hearing it roll off of his tongue.

"Why would I want to be anywhere else, Edward?"

I pulled at his black cotton T-shirt, nearly ripping it from his body. His chiseled pectoral muscles appeared before me, making me lose nearly all sense of reality. I was in awe as I let my fingers linger, tracing every curved line of his chest.

Edward made me feel so comfortable, all the time. I loved that I could lose myself in intimate moments such as these. These moments were like a warm afternoons in Forks, an atmosphere so inviting after long days of rain and cold.

_I could get used to his sunshine. All the time. No more cold days. No more rain._

His skin was cool and inviting, like a calm riverbed on an early summer's day. I could feel his intense heartbeat begin to subside as I caressed his solid chest. His skin pebbled in goose bumps as I trailed his chest with my finger caresses.

I wanted to feel his skin on mine. No, I needed to feel his skin on mine. It wasn't about wanting anymore. He was my air. My sun. My moon. My everything.

_And I need my everything to live._

I couldn't take it anymore. I tore the soft yellow button down blouse I was wearing from my body, sending small buttons scattering to the floor, revealing a sensible skin-colored brassiere.

I hated sensible. I hated the word and I hated the state of mind. My whole life was built around sensibility. But it was a part of the outfit Alice had dropped off at the hospital. She said maybe it would rub off.

The sensibility that is.

I yanked at the top of his blue jeans, unsnapping the button. My hands swiftly threw down his zipper.

_Probably not._

I needed to feel him plundering the inner workings of my body. Needed to feel how real he was. As I began to shimmy his pants from his hips, he took my hands in his.

"Shhh….," Edward whispered, pulling my hands back to his chest. He laid my hands palms down over his beating heart. His heart pulsed hard, fast, and furious underneath his skin. He continued with a small smile playing his lips, "It's alright, love. I'm not going anywhere. We have all day and all night. We have forever, if you want it?"

_I want it. I want forever, Edward._

The large muscle of Edward's chest began to twitch underneath its protective layer as my blood red nails slowly started to outline his muscles' curves again. It was like he was a stone carving, rather then a human being.

My breath was intense, slow and deliberate through my parted lips.

I would die for him. Steal for him. Lie for him. I would do anything he asked me to.

I got lost in the peaks and valleys. Time had stood still. All I could think about was what I would do for him.

_You almost died for him last night, Swan. Would you do anything?_

My hands fell flat against his chest once again. His heart still throbbed with incessant speed underneath the palm of my hand. He was excited. The beat coming from the confines of his body spurred the need I had into unyielding knots that lay resident in the pit of my stomach. My breathing became more erratic as I ran my hands all over the perfect creature that stood before me. My hands suddenly had minds of their own as I allowed them to pass to his six-pack of abdomen muscles.

_Yes, anything. Anything to have this man near me for the rest of my life._

He pulled my chin up until my eyes connected with his once more.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. Tell me…"

"I love you, Edward." My chin began to quiver in his hand. I loved hearing this man demand that I tell him that I loved him. Almost like he had the same diseased need I had of having to hear those three words.

His right hand pulled from my chin and slid to my cheek. I closed my eyes at the gentleness of his touch. I only wanted to be his.

_Forever? Do you want this man forever?_

I felt his hand leave my face, forcing me to open my eyes. The lack of contact left me desolate and empty. My line of sight shifted gears. And when I saw where he was, my breath hung in my lungs like still air on a hot day. Stagnant. Like it didn't know where to go.

He had kneeled down in front of me. A black velvet box played in his left hand. He continued piercing me with his emerald green eyes, speaking calmly, softly, "Last night, I carried your almost lifeless body to the car to get you to the hospital. You didn't move. You didn't speak."

My right hand spontaneously flew to my mouth. He was giving me a second chance. He was asking me again. My heart was ready to explode as it jumped into my throat, nearly strangling me. A warm river of tears began to spill over my cheeks.

_Forever. I choose forever._

This time, I wouldn't ruin this for Edward.

Or myself. So I let him finish.

Edward continued, his eyes never leaving mine, "I watched my father and at least ten nurses fuss over you in the hospital. Then when my father told me you'd be fine I was relieved. Well, more then relieved. My heart never felt so complete in all my life," Edward sighed deeply and continued, "I almost lost you last night. I wanted to die. If you had died, I don't know what I would've done."

My face was covered in tears. One of my hands drifted from my face to Edward's cheek, "Edward…" I began. I wanted to tell him everything. How much I loved him. How much I wanted him. How much he meant to me.

Instead, he chuckled low and gruff, his voice a thick whisper as he interrupted me delicately, "Isabella, when you say my name, it melts my heart, and the first thing I want to do is pull you into my arms and take you on the floor, but just let me finish this. Let me tell you that I not only want you because of the way you say my name, or because you have a smile for every day of the week and a smile meant just for me. I want you because I want to see your pantyhose draped over the shower rod. I want to nick myself with a dull razor on a Monday morning when I'm late for a shoot because you've used it to shave your irresistible gams. I want to find that I only own a quarter of my closet because your clothes have taken over. And dammit, I want to leave the toilet seat up just so I can hear you nag at me to put it down."

"I want you for you, Isabella. I want the woman who grew up in that small po-dunk town in Washington. The woman who walks into our bedroom with only red lipstick and my dress shirt on. The woman who can burn a dinner she didn't even cook like nobody's business. And I want the woman who said she wants to have my child. The woman who quotes Anne Frank and Thomas Edison in one breath and then in the very next quotes Van Johnson and Humphrey Bogart. I want you. Just you. Not the cheese cake model. Not the woman everyone sees on a poster. Just you."

A tear escaped the corner of his eye, dropping down the side of his rough, unshaved face. I stood unmoving, with a half-smile tugging at the left side of my mouth.

_He wants you for you, Swan. Not for the model on all the magazine covers. For the girl. The girl from Forks._

"I almost lost you," Edward continued, his eyes still locked on mine, "Last night, I watched you sleep. I watched the bruises on your neck appear. I watched them pine over you at the hospital. And there was one thing I knew from the moment I saw you at Jacob's house, laying on the floor. Unconscious."

Edward looked up at me, and then continued, "I can never be without you. I can never live without you. Every single day, for the rest of our lives, I will love you. Unconditionally. So, with that being said, even though you will probably say no and a fight will ensue, I am willing to chance it. Will you be mine alone? Will you be mine forever? Will you marry me, Isabella Marie Swan?"

I couldn't tackle him fast enough. I pummeled into his kneeling figure, sending the box tumbling out of his hand. I could have cared less about the jewelry he had bought. I just wanted him. His love was better than life.

"Yes…Yes…Yes, I will marry you!" I practically screamed.

Edward looked shocked as I straddled him between my legs, my black skirt flowing around us in waves of light fabric. The inside of my thighs brushed against his bare sides sending a thrill through me. I bent into him, smiling, "Yes, I will marry you Edward Anthony Cullen. When all is said and done, I will marry you." I placed a delicate kiss onto his lips.

As I pulled away, I saw his surprised expression curve into a genuine smile, "Bella, are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," I replied. A seductive smile played my lips as I continued, "Anyone who takes me with my baggage and bruises, well, that says something about a man."

I bent into Edward once more, placing my face only an inch from his, "I love you, Edward," I whispered, my eyes intent on his.

His hands slid underneath the sea of organdy, searching until he found my hips. He began to stroke my skin gently with his thumbs, making slow rapturous circular rotations into my flesh, sending pleasure vibes throughout my core and thrilling me to the moon. Good goddamn, the man had a wild set of skills only meant for me. If he continued to stroke my skin, I could easily have had an orgasm just sitting on him, practically fully clothed.

"Do you want to see the ring?" Edward asked after a short moment.

I opened my eyes and scanned the floor. Lying a foot away from us, above our heads, was the velvet box. I reached up to grab the box, exposing my neck to Edward's mouth.

His perfect fucking mouth that had talents all their own.

As I grasped the delicate container, I felt Edward's tongue playfully swirl along the curve of my neck. I moaned instinctively at his sudden touch.

_Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…_

Box in hand, I stayed in the position I was in. Splayed across Edward, my neck on full naked display for him to molest in any way he wanted.

And he did.

His warm tongue continued to glide down the slope of my neck until he reached the hollow of my throat. Planting a soft butterfly kiss in the center, he whispered, "Fuck, love, you are so very beautiful. Why would you want me?"

I slid from my position and met his eyes, giving him that smile. The smile I saved for him.

I looked down at the unopened box, my voice low, "I want you because you smoke too much. Because you drink even more. Because you will have two ashtrays on your coffee table. One clean, one dirty...why I have yet to understand. I mean, Edward, you will actually put your cigarette butt in the clean one. That drives me crazy, but I love you anyway."

I sighed lightly thinking of all the ways I loved him. Every idiosyncrasy I could think of that would annoy the hell out of someone else, I loved. That meant something.

_It means you belong with him, Swan. Tell him that. Tell him more._

I continued, "I want you because you leave the toothpaste cap off of the tube. Because you leave dirty socks on the floor next to the hamper, instead of in it."

I pulled my attention from my hands to his eyes. Those green eyes, "I love the way you run your hand through your hair when you're nervous or flustered or pissed. I love the way you take two cigarettes out, and light them both before you give one to me. I love the fact that you think of asking me what I want to do before you tell me what we are doing before an evening out.

"Edward, I want you because you give a good goddamn what happens to me. Because you want my baby. Because I can see the two of us sitting on a porch in forty years, watching our grandchildren play in the front yard. Because you don't even need to touch me for me to have an orgasm, for crying out loud."

Edward took my hands into his, smiling gently. I just stared into his intense eyes, "I want you because you are my Romeo. You're everything I have ever wanted. You're everything. _My_ everything."

With that I stood, pulling away from him.

He scowled, "Where are you going?"

I shook my head slowly, "No where. I'm not going anywhere without you again, Edward." I tugged at the black metal zipper of the skirt, watching it float from my hips to the ground like a black cloud. I stepped out of it, kicking it towards the kitchen door.

Edward gave me a wicked grin, propping himself up on his elbows, watching intently as I stripped my underwear from my body.

"I guess this means we're not getting rid of each other," Edward smirked as I basked in the low level light of the late afternoon sun that streamed through the large living room windows.

I shook my head back and forth slowly, not saying a single word. Just giving him his smile. The one I loved to give him.

I was naked. Bare. Vulnerable. And I liked it this way. With Edward, there would never be pain or mistrust. I knew he meant everything he said. The lies weren't there. Not like before. Not like with Jacob. So standing in front of Edward bare and exposed was easy. It was like breathing or eating. I just did it.

Giving Edward a sexy snarl, I glanced back at the box I continued to hold.

"Are you going to open that?" Edward inquired raising an eyebrow at me. He stood to his feet, taking the box from me.

Opening the top gently, the token of Edward's affection sparkled at me.

It was beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, my breath hitched. It was an understated square cut diamond set in white gold, lying peacefully in its velvet container. A loose ray of sunlight pierced its clarity, sending small shimmers across my hand as I touched it in awe. It was perfect.

Just like Edward.

He slipped the ring out of its container, threw the box carelessly over his shoulder and smiled at me as he took my finger in his hands.

I hadn't had a ring on that finger for three months. Well, unless you counted the parties I went to. I did wear the goddamn dog collar than. But it was sparingly and never with pride. I always took it off as soon as I could. Which typically was as soon as I walked out of the press's prying eyes.

As Edward slipped it on my finger with a gentle hand, he replied in a whisper, "Now, when you feel like wearing my dress shirt and red lipstick, make sure this is the only accessory on you."

He grabbed the sides of my face with his warm hands and brought my lips to his. His kiss felt nothing short of wonderful.

I pulled away from his lips and gave him a look dipped in the Devil's delight, "From now on, I may just strut around in this."

I placed my hand against Edward's bare chest. The light of the sun that shone through the large windows behind us danced in square diamonds, sending shimmers of radiated light along Edward's chest.

"It's so beautiful Edward," I murmured.

"Not as beautiful as you, my love," he replied, running his hands along the curvy slopes of my waist.

I sighed as he bent his head into my neck once more. His lips ravaged my throat in passionate kisses. My hands flew from his chest to his jeans. He helped me shimmy them off of his body into a lazy heap at our feet with his boxer shorts. His harbored erection sprang free.

_Oh…my….God…_

My lips connected with his and the familiar sparks I adored revived themselves. Like an electric shock to the heart. His hands cascaded over my body in ways that were indescribable as they found their way to my ass. He cupped both cheeks with his hands and lifted me slightly. I jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

We moved from the living room to our bedroom shutting the door behind us. Doors and locks were our new best friends.

Edward laid me on the bed, never disconnecting his kiss. His sweet kiss.

Our love was such a crime. No one should love someone this much.

He hovered above me, straddling my hips, "I love you, Isabella. I can't stop saying it. I'll never stop saying it."

"I don't ever want you to stop saying it Edward. Never." I pulled Edward's face to mine, drawing him into another kiss. The skin on the back of his neck was incredibly soft as I massaged it gently under my fingertips, running my hands back into his hair as our sultry kiss became more insistent.

I felt his hand run the gamut of my body, then lingering on my lower abdomen. He was teasing me.

_Ugh! Touch me, dammit! Finger fuck me…tongue fuck me…anything, but don't tease me!_

I gave him a sex smile, pulling away from his kiss, "No teasing…" I warned. His eyes were almost a forest green. Lush and soaked with sex-filled intentions as he smiled, attempting to push his lips into mine. I moved my mouth to the side, avoiding his lips, I continued, "You want to tease me?"

"Bella…" I could hear the seductive warning in his voice, but I took no heed. Bastard wanted to toy with my sex. Fine. I was alright with that. As long as I got to play back.

I attempted to get up but Edward prevented me from doing so as he pushed me into the soft mattress, "I don't think so dollface. We have something to finish from the other morning. Remember breakfast in bed?"

_Oh, God yes!_

Edward's movements were quick and deliberate. I suddenly had his gorgeous cock bobbing in my face and his tongue was massaging in between my folds. He was purposely avoiding my clit as he continued to lick everywhere but where I wanted.

Two can play at this game, Mr. Cullen.

I licked the palm of my hand, then carefully wrapped it around the bottom of his shaft, gripping with enough pressure not to send him over the edge, but enough to get him teetering on the knife's blade. A small drop of pre-cum dripped daintily from the head. My favorite part.

I licked at it like it was chocolate syrup that dribbled over the side of my hot fudge sundae. Edward's whole body tensed, a moan escaping his lips. The vibrations of his mouth made me buck my hips in response. I needed him closer. I lifted my knees and spread my legs further apart in hopes his tongue would slip and he'd hit my clit.

"If you suck, I suck, baby. No playing," I whispered, enticing him, swirling my tongue around the head of his cock once…twice…three times.

"Bella…" he whined.

_You have no idea, sweetheart…_

"Do it. No more teasing. Give me what I want and I'll give you…" I wrapped my mouth around the head of his throbbing member but gave him no pressure. No suction. Just my hot breath blowing gently over and around it.

He whined. Louder this time.

Edward continued to kiss around my bundle of nerves, purposely not touching the spot I wanted him to. Purposely running his tongue around my entrance but never plunging into it. Fuck, it was driving me insane.

Finally, I let go of his shaft, grabbed his ass and thrust his hips into my face. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to suck on him. I wanted him to feed me. I wanted to feel him thrusting. I wanted to bring him to his knees in pleasure.

He groaned loudly, shoving his tongue as deep as he could. In and out it went and good goddamn it felt so fucking good. Pretty soon we were just fucking each other's faces. As he would thrust I would thrust. His arms snaked around my waist. He was getting close. So close.

"Bella, I'm going to cum, love."

_So am I, sweets._

I sucked harder. I wanted to feel his shudder as he came. I was nearing my own release as his tongue began to glide over my clit with wild abandon spurring me to suck harder. The tip was hitting the back of my throat. There was something about this whole position that made me like a horny dog. Maybe it was the savagery behind it. Maybe it was the barbaric way he held me. I don't know, and I guess I really didn't care.

_This is illegal in twenty-nine states, Swan._

Our love was illegal in twenty-nine states, who was I kidding.

Edward's body stiffened as my body screamed in ecstasy. All six of my senses overloaded at once, throwing me into euphoric ecstasy. My back arched in response. Every synapse in my body cried out in blissful content as Edward buried his tongue deeper into my river of pleasure to my undeniable merriment.

_Feed me!_

I grabbed his ass tighter, digging my nails into the soft flesh as I felt a spurt of cum coat the back of my throat.

_Ohhh….yes….thank you!_

I drank it up as my own release continued to flow. My body shuddered with his. My suction subsided as I swallowed the last of him.

_Amazing…absolutely phenomenal._

Edward rolled off of me, repositioned himself so his face was next to mine, and then kissed my lips with delicate pressure, "You are amazing."

His face was hooded in sexual relief. I loved that face. And knowing that I did that to him made me do cartwheels on the inside.

I gave a quick glance at the small bedside alarm clock that ticked next to him, then placed my hands under the right side of my head, "Do you want to order in tonight? I can call Irina at the Derby and get some really delicious steaks? Or…"

_Greasy comfort food._

"How about we get really great Chinese food and watch that new show, I Love Lucy on the television?" Edward finished with a grin.

"Deal," I replied. I stood and smiled again, looking back at Edward's supplicated features.

_You are one lucky woman, Swan._

Didn't I know it? While I stood there staring at this perfect man, I wondered what I did to deserve him.

_Everyone deserves happiness._

I slipped my white satin shorty over my bare shoulders, picked up Edward's cigarettes and shook one out. I grabbed the filterless tube of tobacco gently between my teeth, noticing Edward in my peripheral vision, propping himself up on an elbow, watching me with a grin. I inhaled as I lit the paper to life, turning towards his statuesque figure, laying the Zippo on the dresser.

"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He was so goddamn cute, lying there naked on a bed of tangled sheets. I couldn't help but be enamored with him.

Edward just stared at me smiling, "You are absolutely gorgeous."

I walked over to his side of the bed, bent over until I was an inch from his lips, "You are a tad biased," I kissed him lightly on the nose and straightened, then continued, "I'm going to shower. Would you care to join me?"

Without waiting for the response I knew he would give, I gave him a wink and headed towards Edward's bathroom, sliding the satin fabric from my shoulders allowing it to flutter to the ground behind me.

He would come. I was confident in that.

Edward's soft footsteps fell behind mine, his arms weaving around my bare waist.

I smiled.

Edward would always be there.

_Here with me. By my side. Forever._

And I couldn't wait to start our forever.

_**A/N: Hello, my lovelies…I hope you enjoyed chapter twenty-four….leave me some love. ;)**_

_**Smooches & Stars,**_

_**~Cozzy XOXO**_


	26. Chapter 25

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe belongs to me, Cozmedic. ;)**_

_**Chapter three was pivotal for me. It took a helluva long time and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**_

_**Thank You's: This is one is for my girls….My sister, my Beta, my Kiki, thank you for Beta'ing for me. You are my savior when I'm down (she totally Beta'd this chapter within an hour with three screaming kids under the age of 5 in the background *GASP*). To Crystal, my CLPSuperstar…thank you for keeping me sane and humbling me always. To Carolyn, thank you for talking me away from the edge. It has been a frustrating three weeks…'Nuff said. ;) **_

_**The Playlist for this week's chapter is unavailable primarily because I used songs that were new. Listen to New Moon's Soundtrack & Weezer's brand new rockin' jam, I'm Your Daddy ;)**_

_**Playlist:**_

_**Times Like These - Foo-Fighters **_

_**I'm Your Daddy – Weezer (Flashback Scene)**_

_**New Moon (The Meadow) - Instrumental (Flashback Scene)**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-five (BPOV)~**_

Beads of water cascaded down my back from the showerhead, scrubbing away all the trials and tribulations from the night before. It felt like a million raindrops falling from a clear sky. To feel completely free was a miracle.

And to have all my problems kissed goodbye by one man was a fucking phenomenon.

My hot palms lay flat against the cool, white, sanitized tiles of the shower walls. Just the small shock of cold between the skin of my hands and the frozen wall was refreshing. I let the water flow over my head, down my shoulders, over my skin into the drain below my feet.

_All my problems were flowing down that drain. Like dirty water. Going away._

I allowed my eyelids to droop shut for a brief second as his lips passed over the top of my left shoulder.

_Oh…God…._

His touch was electrifying. Every piece of him that touched me, whether it was a brush of his lips or the stroke of his hand, was mind-numbing.

_Like a beautiful tranquilizer after a painful accident.  
_

He was the calm in all of my mayhem.

His breath blew hot whispers down the back of my neck as his lips caressed my skin. I felt his hand move to my hair. He draped my long, wet locks over my right shoulder, exposing my back to him, giving him unadulterated access to my neck.

"I'll never stop loving you, Edward," I said. The left side of my mouth turned up at the corner, locking itself into a half smile.

_I will forever love you, Edward._

I felt his lips on the back of my neck stop, then turn into a smile. "I love hearing you say that, Bella."

His hands left my hair, slipping down the soft flesh of my upper arm. His finger trailed a small circular pattern into my shoulder blade. Even though the water was warm and comforting, his touch sent goose bumps down my flesh, sending me into what I had grown accustomed to as my reaction to Edward: A euphoric spiral into heaven.

Edward's hands slid down my waist towards my stomach. He nestled his strong erection into the small of my back as he pulled me closer to him. His lips found their way to my ear. I felt his tongue trace the outer rim of my left ear, and then he whispered, "When we get married the first thing I want is our son."

A giggle escaped my lips. I loved hearing Edward talk about children. Our children.

I turned to meet him, slinking my arms around his neck, smiling with a raised eyebrow, "Son? You mean our daughter, don't you?"

"I'm happy as long as the kid has ten fingers and ten toes. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter." He shrugged. His eyes had turned a deep forest green.

His eyes were the window to his soul. Intense and shielded, yet open to anyone willing to look. I loved his eyes.

_Swan you love everything about him. His lips, his hair, his cock. Is there a part you don't love?_

I didn't love his past. He tended to be secretive about that.

_And here is the great little seed of doubt…You just don't like that you know only as much as the public does._

No, I didn't like that. The truth was, Edward had had a few notable affairs that were so high profile that you would have had to be living under a fucking rock not to notice them.

_Stop it, Swan. Stop playing the fucking victim. You have a past that he accepts with his whole heart. A past he doesn't know much about either. Remember?_

I remembered.

I remembered that he didn't know a lot about what happened between Jacob and me. He didn't know the grizzly details of my life in Forks. Hell, he didn't know anything about me. Nor did I know a whole lot about him.

_And the seed of doubt grows and flourishes into raging mistrust._

Jacob was a piece of baggage that Edward was more than willing to accept in my life. Jacob was in fact a part of my life. And he always would be. And Edward accepted that.

_For now…Jacob accepted your past too, until he used it against you._

Edward would never do that…would he?

_You thought Jacob would never use his vindictive tactics on you either. _

Edward bent his head into my neck, peppering whisper-like kisses along the side of my neck, down my shoulder. His soft, slick lips paired with sweet murmurings of love and fate and children and a home made my head begin to spin. My heart rate almost doubled.

What if I failed him like I failed Jacob?

All I wanted to be was a good wife. A good mother.

_And you failed miserably at both. What makes you believe this will be different, Swan?_

Because of our love?

_Love can be painful._

I winced as Edward's lips hit a tender spot on my neck. His head popped up as I unconsciously let out a hiss of discomfort.

"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

I placed my index finger across his lips and smiled reassuringly, "Shhh…it's okay."

_You're not okay._

The water droplets that had comforted me were now becoming a slow irritation.

Edward cupped my chin in his right hand, tilting my face into his. He studied my eyes, intently searching for answers he knew I wouldn't surrender easily.

"Love, please forgive me," he said after a moment.

"You didn't do anything, so there's nothing to forgive." My lips held the mask in place. Little did he know, with every passing moment he held my stare, my resolve was crumbling.

_Piece by piece._

I wanted him so badly. I wanted to tell him everything. From the moment my mother left me in Forks, to the time Jacob swept me off of my feet, to the first provocative moment Jacob hurt me.

I closed my eyes, blocking out his stare. Shutting him out was easier than letting him in.

Edward's warm hands began to roam the slick skin of my body again. His touch was remarkable. His fingers always seemed to be memorizing my curves and drinking in the slopes and pathways of ecstasy.

I didn't want the inner workings of my conscience running my brain anymore. It was like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other incessantly arguing with no voice of reason to interrupt either of them.

_Shut the hell up, Swan. Enjoy this time. Make love to the man for fuck's sake. Just love him. _

His cock twitched as I slid my hands down his back, resting at his waist, pulling him closer to my hips. The water between us spurred my erotic need for his skin on mine. I loved the sensual feel of his skin slipping against mine.

_Escape into your passion. Just for the moment._

Edward's green eyes sparkled in playfulness as he bent his lips toward mine, never touching my lips. His breath coupled with the splattered drizzle of water drops sent shockwaves to my core, nearly shattering me.

Fuck, I wanted him.

"Edward, you are magnificent. Everything about you…is just…perfection," My fingers trailed down to the carved pectoral muscles of his chest. Beads of water splattered feverishly against his skin.

My playful smirk returned as I locked away the devil and the angel. They would visit me later. I was sure of it. But for now, I would make love to my fiancé. For now, the vixen within me wanted to play with her lover.

I trailed my fingertips slowly around the curves of his chest down to his abdominal muscles. He pushed his raging hard-on into my lower abdomen as my fingertips teased his cock, "You don't play fair, Bella."

"Who said sex was fair, Mr….Fuck Me….Cullen?" I hoisted my left foot onto the ceramic soap holder on the wall, sending the bar of white P & G soap careening across the tub. Edward slipped his right hand under my knee, supporting my weight so I wouldn't fall or lose my balance.

His lips were an inch from mine as I whispered over the sound of the falling water, "You're the one I need. The one I will always want. Forever. But please, Edward, go slow with me. Even when I might shut you out. Don't think I don't love you."

Edward nodded once in understanding as he entered me, replying, "Trust me, Bella."

The angel and the devil pounded at the door of my heart at his words. But I refused to listen. This love was different. This love was complete.

Edward thrust into me over and over. The longing in my core enveloped us in a warm state of euphoria. He was perfect for me. He was everything I was not. Together we were a scale of checks and balances. Where one failed, another succeeded. That's why our love was perfect. That's why it would be different this time.

I smiled at the thought, throwing my head back in momentary glory.

The demons were locked tightly away as I allowed my happiness to gain ground.

Edward could do that to me every time.

* * *

I wrapped the thick white terrycloth robe around my damp body, tying a tight knot in the front. I pulled the fluffy collar up as far as it would go, covering up the reminder of the night before.

His musky scent surrounded my being as I began to pull a brush through my freshly washed hair. I breathed in the familiar aura as I gently pulled a tangle out of my locks.

Not paying attention to the reflection in the mirror, I was unaware of Edward's presence standing in the doorway to the bathroom until his nose was pressed into my hair, his lips meeting my head and planting a firm but delicate kiss into my scalp.

I smiled slowly and stopped the mundane task of primping.

Edward spun me around slowly, spreading his legs shoulder length apart, practically pinning me to the bathroom sink. His breath smelled like mint as he inched his mouth closer to mine. God, I loved it when he did that.

"I ordered Chinese from Mr. Wang and the television is on and waiting," Edward grinned sheepishly. He handed me a glass filled with a rich amber liquid that smelled like Scotch. He backed off a bit, but never broke his touch from my body. The inside of his leg pressed firmly against mine.

I set my brush on the counter, took the glass from his hand and sipped at it. Definitely Scotch.

"And I am ready and waiting," I replied with a smirk.

Edward brought his hand to my cheek. The backs of his fingers, along with his eyes, caressed my cheekbone, slowly trailing them to my neck. My smirk furrowed into a deep frown. I didn't like that look he gave me. A look filled with sadness and remorse…

… and worst of all, sympathy.

I hated sympathetic stares.

_Reason number fifty-three as to why I left that fucking town. _

These marks were not his fault. They were wounds inflicted by my stupidity. As usual, I had made a bad decision.

_Bad decisions seem to be your forte, Swan. _

I wanted him to smile. I wanted to bring him happiness. For six months I had brought pain to Jacob in some way or another. With Edward, all I wanted was to make him happy.

In reflex, I shied away from him slightly. I knew the marks were ugly. I knew they were a reminder.

_You want to keep riding on the road to ruin, then continue to shy away from him._

But I was used to being marked.

_He's not _used to_ seeing you marked. _

Cupping my face between his hands, Edward pulled my gaze back towards him until I succumbed to meet his stare. I could feel my left eye twitching. I hated that Edward wanted to see my pain. I hated it so much.

"It's okay," he murmured, planting a small kiss onto my forehead.

_Smile._

I gave him a look of bemusement. It was the most I could muster. I wanted to scream at Edward. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I was having a horrifying nightmare that I wanted to be woken from.

_It's not okay, Edward. _

But I couldn't. As usual, my automatic response took over. The look that had been ingrained in me for the past year.

"I'm always okay," I replied, shrugging out of his arms and flashing him a smile on my way out. I took the glass of Scotch with me as I made my way to the main artery of the house. My feet padded their way down the hall into the spacious living area.

I sank my tired body into the couch, placing the crystal glass on the end table next to me. Picking up my pack of Pall Malls, I shook one out and lit the flimsy paper aflame. Inhaling with deep satisfaction, I noticed Edward had already lit up one of his Lucky Strikes and sat next to me.

I smiled at him, propping my feet into his lap. The terrycloth robe flipped open casually, exposing my long alabaster legs. Edward's hand began to caress my calf. I sighed outwardly at his delicate touch.

The television set rumbled at a low volume. Vivian Vance and William Frawly danced their way across the screen as Lucille Ball sang in an off-key voice in between bars of gay folly. Ricky let Lucy be in the show. Again.

"You're not okay, Bella."

Sighing deeply I rolled my eyes under my already-shut lids.

_Here we go…want to fix me, Edward?_

Men always knew how to spoil a good moment.

_Go ahead and try. Try to fix what's broken. Lord knows you aren't the first._

Edward shifted his body so he was facing me. He was so goddamn beautiful. Like an arch-angel.

_Come to save you, Swan. Come to fix you…_

"I'm alright. Really," I confirmed, taking another drag and giving him my smile: My thousand-watt grin that fooled everyone…Hell, sometimes it even fooled me.

"Alright, well, I'm not okay!" Edward's voice had risen about three decibels.

_But it's not fooling him, Swan. _

His eyes zeroed in intently on my façade. My leg twitched slightly. My voice came slow and even, "You're fine, Edward."

I took another drag to calm my nerves.

_Let him fix you…_

"How can you do this? How can you not have a goddamn emotion during a crisis, Bella? You turn on and off like a goddamn faucet and I don't understand how you can do that!" Edward threw my feet to the side and stood up, running his hands through his hair. He snatched the glass of Scotch that lay next to me, making his way to the large window facing the city. He began to stare out at nothing, obviously waiting for my response.

_This_ is what I wanted to avoid.

I sat up and sighed again, taking the last long drag from the almost extinguished tube of tobacco, letting the smoke trail through my nose, "I don't turn it on and off like a faucet, Edward. I'm trying to be happy. I'm trying to forget."

Edward spun around, "Is that what you call this? Your attempt at happy? Those marks are not disappearing as fast as you think. I mean Christ Almighty, this just happened last night. This morning. Whatever."

_Don't do this Edward…_

He continued talking as he stared out the window at the slow moving traffic below, "Every time I try to get you to talk about what happened last night, you divert my attention to other things."

I noticed he didn't have a shirt on. I began to study the muscular curves of his back, as I narrowed my stare at him. My attempt at burning invisible holes into him was going nowhere.

I didn't like where this was going.

His voice continued in its monotone state, "If it isn't sex, it's a smile. If not a smile, a fucking tangent into another conversation. Why don't you just tell me what is going on in that head of yours?"

No, I didn't like where this was going one bit. And it was pissing me off.

_Edward wouldn't want me if he knew the history I had._

I shook my head slowly, whispering back, "You don't want to know, Edward."

With his back still facing me, Edward replied, "If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't keep trying to prod it out of you."

Even though he couldn't see me, I shook my head again. No, he didn't want to know what I was thinking. Because in truth, what I thought was a cold, black mess, tainted in private memories.

My own private hell.

"No, I mean, you really don't know what you're asking," I returned in a tight tone.

_You don't want to know what's going on in my head. You don't want to know about the first time Jacob hit me, or the first time he forced himself on me. And you sure as shit don't want to hear about how I provoked it all. You don't want to know about the names I called him, or all the countless times I blatantly ignored him, or the times I hit him and spat out how much I hated him._

"I'm not an idiot, Bella. I know what I'm asking you. I'm asking you to fucking trust me. After all this? After all the bullshit, you can't honestly believe I would still leave you. Unless…"

"Unless, what?" I asked.

"Unless you are purposely trying to sabotage this relationship." Edward still faced the dying sun of the city skyline. The sun was a round circle of fire in the deep blue skyline.

_I'm not sabotaging shit, you pompous ass!_

"I am not trying to sabotage anything! I just told you I would marry you an hour ago. Do you think I'm that goddamn flippant in my decision-making process?"

I heard him chuckle in disdain, "You're a woman. Women are fickle creatures."

_Awww….hell no!_

I couldn't stand the fact that he didn't face me. It reminded me too much of Jacob. And far too much of my mother walking away from me, never looking back at her fourteen year old daughter as she boarded a one-way bus to nowhere. It reminded me of unresolved issues.

And I hated that crap.

I stood abruptly and grabbed his upper arm to spin him towards me, "You want to hear the truth? You want to hear the heart of the matter? You want to make your attempt at fixing the unfixable?"

I yanked at the thick terrycloth, exposing the purple and blue tinged marks from Jacob's hand. I noticed Edward purse his lips, his eyes squinting just a tad, as if I had just smacked him across the face.

_Stings, doesn't it?_

"Look at these! How do you think I feel? You think I fucking like the way this looks? Do you think I'm okay with this? Absolutely not! I'm scared, Edward! I'm mortified by my own stupidity! I am terrified that you won't want damaged goods! I am afraid if you hear the truth, no matter what you said even an hour ago…you're going to throw me away. Like trash."

Edward's voice came down to a soft murmur, "I told you at the hospital. I told you here...just now. Not even an hour ago. I want you. All of you, Bella. I want…I want all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. I don't know how many ways I have to tell you that. But most of all, I want you to trust me enough to help you."

_I want to trust you…I do trust you…but…Jacob said that once…trust me. Trust me enough to help you. And he threw it back at me. Everything I told him, he used against me, later on. Just give me time, Edward._

My half-assed attempt at a smile came out as a scoff. I backed away from him a step, "You have no idea what baggage I have, Edward…"

Edward grabbed my upper arms in a vice-like grip that was nothing but gentle, pulling me closer to him, "Tell me about it. Tell me all about what he has done to you."

_Can I tell you about my mother? Can I tell you about Jacob? Can I tell you about the numerous skeletons in my closet? _

I couldn't though. Not yet. Not now. It was too soon. The wound was too fresh.

_Trust him, Swan. Be free._

Jacob burned me with that one once before.

_He wouldn't understand. _

"Why? So you can blame me, too? Jacob blamed me for everything," I choked back the lump in my throat. I wasn't going to cry. I never cried. Not when my mother left me at the bus station. Not when I moved away from my father and Forks. Not when Jacob hurt me. Not when the baby died. Never.

Not until Edward.

With Edward, I didn't have to be what everyone expected me to be. I could just be me. I could let go of the grief and let someone else take it from me. Like when I told him about when I lost the baby. Telling him that was like someone throwing me a life preserver.

_The ice queen is beginning to melt…_

But sometimes I didn't even know who I was anymore.

_It's easier to put the mask in place than to give an explanation._

I clenched my jaw and looked up at Edward with a hard glare.

"You can't _fix_ me, Edward…no one can." I shrugged out of his fingers, still staring at him. A V-shape made its way into the skin of his forehead between his brows.

_Being the bitch is far easier than letting someone help you._

"Fuck Bella! I am not Jacob!"

"_Fuck you, Bells. Do you think he's going to want you…you and all your fucking baggage? Do you think Mr. Edward Cullen will want some used up piece of trash? I know Edward. For fuck's sake, I grew up with the pompous prick! He likes his women with no strings attached. And you have too many strings, baby."Jacob boomed , his voice reverberating through the high ceilinged living room._

I grabbed my cigarettes off of the end table, stormed to the bar, grabbing a glass and a half-empty bottle of bourbon. As I pushed past Edward, he grabbed the upper arm of the sleeve of the robe, stealing my attention from my rage.

In a sick way, I was comfortable in that raging state of mind.

To be honest, I just wasn't used to someone caring.

"I would understand," he said softly as I yanked the terrycloth out of his grip.

_Too many strings, baby._

"Maybe… maybe not," I replied, once again shrugging away from him. I made my way out to the expansive patio to watch the sun set.

Alone.

* * *

Summer was a season I reveled in.

In Forks, Washington the warm days of summer, though few, were enjoyed from the time your feet hit the floor in the morning until you were so tired you could barely keep your eyes open.

I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself, allowing the remnants of the sun to soak through the exposed skin of my cheeks. The warmth felt inviting.

A slight breeze tickled the stillness of the purple sky, stinging the single wet tear trail on my left cheek.

Edward would not understand.

Not quite yet.

He just wasn't ready.

He would not understand because not only would he have to be told about the nightmare my life had become with Jacob, but he would have to be told _why_ I stayed with Jacob. And in order to do that, Edward would have to hear how I fell in love with that man.

And I didn't know if I could relive that just yet. I didn't know if I wanted to share those private moments with Edward. They were thoughts and memories he may not be ready to hear.

Because, in fact, they were sacred.

Something that was shared between me and Jacob.

_Your husband._

My soon-to-be ex-husband.

_Jacob was…a gentleman…_

At one point.

_At many…_

Like at the _Harper's Bazaar_ party…

I smiled at my first memory of him. The first time he swept me off of my feet.

_Yes, like at the Harper's Bazaar party…_

The room was filled to the hilt with people I didn't know. I looked over at Edward's handsome face. He looked so fucking good in his tuxedo. His six foot one stature was elegantly adorned in a Christian Dior, straight from France. His normally messy bronze locks danced in controlled disarray. He was dashing, as usual. And I couldn't keep my eyes off of him all night.

Whenever I could steal a glance, I would. As I sipped my Cosmopolitan, I peeked over the rim of the glass. As he introduced me to many, my peripheral vision would slip to his chiseled features. His strong jaw. His emerald eyes.

But not once, did he look at me. Not as I disembarked the stairwell of my apartment in a backless number the Harper's Bazaar people had given me. It was shockingly low-cut, in a metallic navy blue. He loved me in blue…or so he said.

Edward and I made our way around the room.

I had the opportunity to meet the stunning Ava Gardner. Edwin Goodman, the founder of Bergdorf Goodman on Fifth Avenue in New York. Omar "Alexander" Kiam, a well-noted and distinguished Hollywood and New York dress designer. Edna Woolman Chase, editor of Vogue. Many influential individuals. Countless contacts that I was to log away in my mental file cabinet.

_Isabella this is so-and-so. Isabella, let me introduce you to the likes of whomever. _

It bored me to tears.

All I wanted to do was go home to the comforting walls of my two-bedroom apartment off of Beverly Boulevard. I wanted to turn on my brand new thirteen-inch television and watch The Honeymooners with an oversized pastrami on rye from Musso & Frank's deli, crack open a beer and prop up my feet.

But instead, I smiled.

I put on the mask.

And sadness washed over me as I realized one thing.

_Edward Cullen will never want you. He barely looked at you tonight._

We made our way through the throngs of people dancing around the ballroom. We had already been here an hour and Edward had failed to ask me to dance. I mean, I wasn't the best dancer but I could twirl my way around a ballroom once or twice without tripping over my own two feet. At least that's what Miss Kitty taught me. Don't trip over your own two feet.

My mindless wanderings were interrupted as we stopped at the bar. Edward slapped a beefy-looking fellow on the back with brash exuberance.

Edward obviously knew the gentleman quite well because in the few short months I had known Edward, he had shown he was more reserved with public affection than that.

The tall, russet-skinned gentleman never turned with the harsh slap on the back. He was in the throws of enjoying his drink, gripping a short glass filled to the brim with ice and what I assumed was vodka.

Edward held out his hand to me as he spoke to the unfamiliar gentleman who was leaning himself casually into the bar, still facing away from us, "Jacob Black, I'd like to introduce you to the most beautiful woman in the world,"

_Another introduction. Dammit all to hell. Smile on, Swan._

My face fell frozen into what I had grown accustomed to as familiar, awaiting Mr. Black's acknowledgement.

As the tall gentleman turned, I was greeted with an enormous, over-confident smirk emulating from his masculine features. It was infectious.

My mask fell to the floor and shattered as a genuine grin took over the corners of my mouth.

Edward cleared his throat, replying, "This, my friend, is the woman I've told you about. The one who will be on the cover of every magazine from here to New York City, Ms. Isabella Swan."

Mr. Black was very handsome.

Jet black hair meticulously styled to his obvious liking. Dark brown puppy-dog eyes. A stubborn jaw of rock hard arrogance. Skin the color of tanned leather. He seemed to be over-flowing with confidence.

_Very fucking handsome, indeed. _

I found my voice, holding out my hand for him to take it into a handshake, "Mr. Black, it is very nice to meet your acquaintance."

Instead, Mr. Black took my fingers into his over-sized bear's paw, turning my hand palm down. He bent over at the waist, made eye contact with me, waggled his eyebrows once and kissed the supple skin on the top of my hand delicately. His lips were soft, hot, and obviously talented. When he looked up at me, his deep brown eyes made my heart skip into my throat. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol beginning to take its effect or if it was this man's stare or just the touch of his lips.

_Or maybe you're coming to terms with the fact that Edward Cullen will only be a man of your dreams. Never a reality._

"It is my utmost pleasure, Ms. Swan, to make your acquaintance." The suave sounds of his voice made my knees melt, amongst other things.

Mr. Black straightened, never breaking eye contact as he continued, "Would you care to dance? It would be a shame to have your dance card empty another minute."

I looked from Edward to Mr. Black, my face turning a deep crimson. Mr. Black's forward demeanor made my heart twitter in response.

"Excuse me?" I managed to choke out.

A twinkle sparkled in the man's eyes. The look he gave me reminded me of a mischievous little boy about to get into an unmanned cookie jar. He snatched the Cosmopolitan glass out of my hand, and then set it on the bar top with his unfinished drink.

Mr. Black held out his elbow for me to take.

I looked back Edward, who gave me an encouraging smile, as Mr. Black continued, "Well, I saw you walk in with this son-of-a-bitch over an hour ago, and he has the audacity to shuffle you around the room, not once asking you for a spin around the floor."

With a little apprehension I snaked my arm through his. His thick bicep pulsed around my arm. And I was sure girth did not just reside within his arms.

I giggled as he led me through wall-to-wall people. Without hesitation, Mr. Black spun me around three times, placed his large hand in the small of my back and dipped me.

And that's when I did something I hadn't done so freely in such a long time…

I laughed.

"You have a beautiful laugh, Ms. Swan…or may I call you, Bella?"

_You can call me whatever you want Mr. Black._

"If you let me up, you may call me Bella, Mr. Black."

Mr. Black stood me upright in one fluid movement in time to the soft thrumming of piano keys. He brought me close to his large frame and began to waltz me around the massive room, my feet barely touching the ground.

"And you, Bella, may call me Jacob."

My feet never left the ground that night.

And that was my problem.

It would be almost six months later when reality would rush at me like a fast-moving train heading for a wall of concrete.

I took a sip of the bourbon. A pair of hands massaged at my shoulders, breaking me from me from my memories. I looked over at several paper boxes filled with food and two forks. Edward had laid everything out.

_My favorite grease-laden food in the world._

I stretched my sore neck from one side to another as Edward's thumbs made deep circles into my tense muscles.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, exhaling a trail of smoke.

Edward's hands stopped. He walked around me and sat in the opposing ornate metal patio chair. He snatched my Pall Malls from my hand with a grin, shook out a filterless cigarette and lit it with a wooden matchstick.

"No sorry necessary," he began as he exhaled the newly lit smoke, "I shouldn't have pushed you. I trust you will tell me when you're ready, love."

I nodded in supplication, "I love you."

"I love you too, Bella…" Edward's cigarette lay lazily between his lips as he grabbed at one of the white boxes, popping the top open. He handed it to me with a fork, "Enjoy, my love."

I gave him his smile. The only real one I had, as he opened up another container and began eating.

"Do you want me to tell you about the night I met him?" I replied after a few moments of comfortable silence.

_Are you ready, Edward?_

Edward threw his cigarette into an ashtray and started to pick at his food, "The question is Bella, are _you _ready to tell me about the night you met him?" After a moment, he shrugged and then continued in a tone of feigned nonchalance, "I mean it's not like I wasn't there or anything, love…"

"You weren't there, Edward," I returned in a soft tone.

The purplish iridescent sky had turned ebony; twinkling stars flickering like just awakened fireflies as a sliver of the moon's elegance donned a dim filtered light over the backyard. The pool's water shimmered slightly as a soft breeze picked up, causing ripples to garnish the stillness.

"Where was I then?" Edward returned evenly. He set down the box of food and lit up two cigarettes and handed me one.

I closed the top of the origami box with deliberate movements, setting it on the table in front of me, "You were drinking for a spell, then Ava Gardner made your re-acquaintance," I took a drag and then continued as I crossed my legs, "As soon as I saw her leave on your arm, I had made a decision."

"Ava _dragged_ me away, Bella. I-"

I interrupted him, chuckling, "Look, I'm not blaming you. I'm telling you how I fell in love with Jacob and really, how I settled. So, I need to know, before I start. Are you ready to listen?"

Without hesitation, Edward replied, "Yes."

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, "Jacob made it so easy to fall for him."

"He did that with a lot of women. Jacob is a very likable creature. He's always been that way," Edward acknowledged with a genuine grin.

I nodded in agreement, "Yes, he does that. Very smooth. Like he can take all your cares and turn them into rose petals and butterflies."

"That's an interesting way of putting it."

"Then you find out he's full of piss and vinegar and everything he says is bullshit," I said in an even tone.

"Yeah, I should have given you boots for a wedding gift," Edward joked.

Both of us burst out laughing.

Over boots and bullshit.

The voices within my heart settled as I told him about that night. About the dancing. The car ride to my apartment. Even the kiss Jacob and I had shared.

Intermittently, Edward would crack a joke or poke fun at Jacob's demeanor, but never in malice. Just in remembrance of what his friend once was.

As our conversation began to wane and our cigarette supply diminished, Edward took my hand into his and kissed the tip of each of my fingers. The moonlight hit the diamond in just the right spot, sending shimmers down my skin.

"Thank you, Bella," Edward said softly.

"For what?" I asked, running my hand through his hair as he continued to kiss my fingers.

"For trusting me. For believing in me. For loving me."

"Tell me…" I replied.

"I love you."

I smiled as his eyes met mine, "As I love you, my darling."

Just then, I heard the doorbell.

Edward and I exchanged a short look of confusion as we both stood up together. I pulled my robe tighter around my shoulders.

I followed Edward back into the house and to the front door, noticing the time on the Sundial clock hanging over the mantle.

"Who in the hell would be here at nine o' clock at night?" I asked.

The shrill ring of the telephone hammered throughout the walls of the living room.

"Answer that, will you, Bella?" Edward asked as he gripped the doorknob.

I picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Bella? Bella? Don't say anything! Say no comment!" Alice shouted into the phone.

A tad befuddled, I gripped my robe with my free hand a little tighter, as I replied, "What? I don't understand, Alice."

Edward opened the door to two women.

Leah Clearwater was one of them.

"I think I understand now," I replied, hanging up on Alice.

_Smile._

_

* * *

_

_**A/N: What'd you think peeps? Love it? Hate it? Leave me the love ;)**_

_**Also, as you are well aware, I have only been on fanfiction (dot) net for a very short time. Since I began reposting this little ditty, you folks have given me a very warm reception. For that, I wanted to take the time to extend my thank yous. You have made this girl very happy.**_

_**Next chapter to post soon. I promise ;)**_

_**Smooches & Stars!**_

_**~Cozzy XOXOX**_


	27. Chapter 26

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Shout-Outs: Of course, to Kiki-kins…thank you…without you, who would tell me that something was annoying? *MUAH* And to the girls who listen to me rant and rave on a daily basis, you know who you are dammit…and I totally love you for it!**_

_**My Bunny of the Week: I don't have many, but I do this week…Diane Normandin, thank you! Thank you for letting me use you ;) **_

_**This week's chapter couldn't have happened without my CLPSuperstar. I am not giving a reason. You just know. Love you hard, babe! xoxoxox**_

_**Playlist:**_

_**Live Your Life – T.I. featuring Rhianna**_

_**Northern Sky – Nick Drake**_

_**Never Think – Rob Pattinson**_

_**Hanging By A Moment – Lifehouse**_

_**Hold Me Tight – Cowboy Junkies**_

_**Angel Mine – Cowboy Junkies  
**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-six (BPOV) ~**_

"I think I understand now," I replied placing the receiver in its cradle. Edward looked back at me. His jaw noticeably tightened as I gave my best smile.

Within seconds, the phone rang again.

_Oh, Alice…_

I kept smiling, sighed slightly for dramatic fanfare, and then picked it up with a wince of aggravation lacing my voice, "Hello?"

"Can you please not hang up on me? You know how that infuriates me, Isabella. And it's rude no less," Alice scolded.

My smile had a twinge of legitimacy to it. Alice was such a mother.

"How are you daddy?" I squealed. Edward's head spun around quickly. I gave him a raised eyebrow and a half-grin. He knew I only called Alice, 'Daddy,' if I was in the company of those that needn't know about Alice's presence on the end of the line.

"That's better," Alice approved.

"Well, you know, right now, I am in the midst of company, can I call you back?"

_Make it speedy, my little Mad Hatter._

"Use the neutral concealer to add luminosity to the skin on the neck, and Max Factor #5 is in the bottom of the make-up case. Sit outside in dim lighting. And wear the black Coco Chanel pencil skirt with the periwinkle blue silk blouse," Alice's words came out in a rushed slew of twitters.

"I will call you as soon as I can."

_Five seconds, Alice baby._

Alice continued as I began to pull the receiver from my face, "Isabella, be wary of what you say! You know how those rag hags are."

"I understand. You know how careful I am," I cooed into the phone. There was one thing I loved as much as modeling and that was acting. Acting for a still camera was as much fun as acting for a live audience.

_Three seconds, Sweetheart._

"Did Edward give you the ring?" Alice tweeted excitedly.

"Yes. Yes, he did," I replied, an even wider grin permeating my fake mask.

"Put it away because I know you're wearing it!" she hissed at me unexpectedly.

"Of course, I will."

_Alice, really? I am not as big of a titmouse as you may think I am._

I heard Edward clear his throat, allowing the two women a wide berth to pass, "Welcome, Ms. Clearwater, may I take your coat?"

"I love you, Daddy, I'll call you soon," I placed the phone back in its cradle, not waiting for Alice's reply as I pulled up the thick collar of the robe with one hand and placed my left in the front pocket. Sauntering to the door, I reached my right hand out to take Leah's.

"Ms. Clearwater, we weren't expecting you so late in the evening." I looked up at Edward's tight stare, than continued, "You obviously know Mr. Cullen."

Leah Clearwater gave me a raised eyebrow and a smirk, as she shook Edward's hand, "You didn't expect us? You said yesterday…"

_Ahhhh…yes…the interview that _should've_ been at seven o' clock, not nine, sweets._

"I also said seven o' clock, you silly girl. Not that Edward and I mind that you're over two hours late…" I trailed off waiting for Ms. Clearwater's response as her associate walked into the stone-tiled entryway, holding out her hand.

I held out my hand to the unidentified woman, "Forgive me. I'm Isa-"

"Isabella Swan," the alabaster skinned woman responded taking my hand with a delicate touch. After a second had passed, she continued, "I'm Diane. Diane Normandin. I'm Ms. Clearwater's assistant. At the paper."

She seemed a bit flustered as I withdrew my hand from her light grasp. Ms. Normandin's midnight locks were pulled back into an elegant French twist. Her dark brown suit was pressed and neatly arranged around her white-collared silk blouse.

Edward held out his own hand, "Ms. Normandin, I'm Edward Cullen."

Ms. Normandin took it with a small smile, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen."

I looked up at Edward who had proceeded to hang their coats on a brass coat rack, "Now that we have gotten our elaborate introductions out of the way, will you excuse us for a few moments so we can change into something more appropriate…Edward, maybe you can call Felix to get these ladies a drink while you and I steal away?"

As the words left my lips, Edward was already on the telephone.

"Did we catch you at a bad time?" Ms. Clearwater replied obviously legitimately apologetic for storming the castle at such an odd hour.

My lips curved into an even larger smile, "Never a bad time, sweetheart."

Felix suddenly appeared from the side door of the house where his servant quarters were located, "Good evening, Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan."

"Felix, I know it's such an odd hour, but would you mind terribly showing Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin the rose garden under the moonlight?" I asked with a smile.

Felix looked at me like I had cracked my head. Edward nodded once slightly at Felix's confused expression.

Felix gave a congenial smile eyeballing Edward for a clue as to what was going on.

Edward smiled then repeated, "Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin…,"

Felix replied in a proper tone, taking his cue, "May I interest you ladies in a libation?"

"Water please, thank you," Ms. Normandin replied. She had a very warm, inviting smile. One that pulled you in and made you trust her. I liked her.

"Just water, please," Ms. Clearwater responded fussing with something in her clutch. She snapped it shut, and then looked over at me, "If it is inconvenient, we can come back in the morning,"

"Oh no! You're already here, sweetheart. This way you can have your story in the morning edition and everything is said and done. Now, if you'll excuse Edward and me, we will be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail," I gave a wink, pulling Edward down the hall in a rushed state, still clutching the top of my robe.

I closed the door to Edward's room behind us, twisting the lock into place. I slammed my back into the door, "Ugh! Could this have been the most _inconvenient_ time?"

Edward's sexy body fell onto the soft cushiony mattress. He propped himself on his right elbow, leaning his head into his palm. He grinned that fucking sexy-ass snarl that always made me want to devour him, "They could have come while we were making love."

Damn, he looked inviting.

_No shirt. Muscles all hard and flexing and…and… Fuck! Put your hands on me baby!_

I sauntered over to him, shedding my robe, revealing my nude body underneath, than leaned into him, "I love it when you say it like that…_making love_…not, having sex or fucking…but making love. It sounds so goddamn sexy."

_Get your shit together, Swan!_

"God-fucking-damn, Bella, why do you do inappropriate things to me at all the wrong times?" Edward breathed, taking my bottom lip between his.

My nipples hardened as his soft lips suckled mine.

_Oh, Jesus….how can I get it together when he does this to me?_

Edward and I pulled apart after a few moments. I was breathless. As usual.

_Get your fucking self together, Swan! NOW! Two women out there. L.A. Times. Morning edition._

Right. Get it together.

As hard as it was, I yanked myself from Edward's sexual magnetism, smiled, and then allowed my fingertips one last drink of his cheek, "Later. We have work to do."

Edward began muttering, obvious frustration penetrating his normally calm face, looking like a pouty four-year-old who lost his toy, "We always have work to do,"

I grinned, "All work and no play makes Edward a dull boy?"

I turned on my heel, glancing at the bedside alarm clock.

Twenty minutes to get my act together. At least through the eyes of etiquette, I should never allow anyone to wait longer than thirty.

_So says Miss Kitty's School for Refined Women._

I turned my head slightly to glance back at perfection.

_All you need is ten minutes for him to slip it to you, Swan…_

Ten minutes? Sure, I would take at least twenty. My lip curled into a devilish grin as the rebellious side of me fought a losing battle.

_You'll have all night…and the rest of your lives for him to stick it to you. _

I straightened to my full height, snapping my girly parts to attention. It was time to work.

I probably looked like a fool running around the bedroom nude, my hair in dried tangles flowing behind me as I gathered my black cosmetic case from underneath a pile of tousled clothing. Thank God, Edward didn't have neighbors.

I streaked to the bathroom for my freshly washed hosiery I had hanging over the shower at the realization of how fast time was speeding by.

I hooked my white lace brassiere into place, stepping into my clean lace panties to match, nearly whacking my head on the open medicine chest. I rummaged through the hard make-up case until I found a tube of light pink make-up Alice said I needed with Max Factor's number 5. I opened the tube first, slathering a dime-sized amount into my palm. I grabbed my make-up sponge and began the dubious effort of concealing my wounds, furiously dabbing and dotting until I was satisfied, washing my hands as soon as I was finished.

Flipping the lid of the flat compact open, I began smearing the thick foundation across my neck. I winced in discomfort as I slathered it on in long streaks, covering the muted angry marks. Alice would kill me if she knew I wasn't slapping the make-up on with a cosmetic sponge.

_Alice screamed as I slathered the foundation on with my fingertips. I looked at her wide-eyed and shocked at the outburst._

"_Rule number one, honey, you never use your fingers to apply make-up."_

"_Why, Alice?" I asked like the innocent I was. Well, innocent when it came to make-up._

"_Because all those horrible little oils on your fingers end up on your pretty little face. And we don't want that, do we? It will make you all shiny and Edward does not like shiny. At all."_

"_I have never seen Max Factor use a sponge," I stated matter-of-factly as Alice handed me a tissue to wipe the cream-colored make-up off of my fingertips._

"_Max Factor is not as smart as I am," Alice retorted with a tad of smugness lacing her tiny voice._

"_I'll make a deal with you, Alice, why don't you just take care of all the make-up and clothes, and I will just sit and look pretty."_

"_Honey, I catch you using your fingers again, I'll cut them off," Alice took out the pancake of perfection again and dabbed a small circular sponge with delicate hand into the thick cream._

"_Yes mother," I replied. Alice went to work applying the foundation with a skilled hand. _

I caught Edward's stare in the mirror as he leaned against the bathroom doorjamb. His gaze pulled me out of my memories of my very first interaction with Alice. I loved that little fairy-like creature. She was one of my best friends.

He was wearing a light blue V-neck sweater and his light beige khakis. He looked absolutely delicious. I stopped mid-stroke and smiled at him, "You alright?"

"You amaze me," he breathed cocking his eyebrows once.

"You are a big silly man," I continued with my make-up application.

"No, really," Edward replied softly. He placed the toilet lid down and sat down to watch, than he continued, "Can I help you? Do you need me to do anything?"

I smiled again. Edward looked like a little boy, just sitting there, watching.

I touched the side of Edward's face with my fingertips, "I need you to get the black Chanel pencil skirt and the periwinkle silk blouse from the closet. It's on the left side."

Dutifully, Edward got up, kissed me on my cheek, smiled, and went off to rummage around in the closet for my outfit. After a brief moment he returned with just what I had asked of him.

I studied my handiwork in the mirror, "Well, that's all she wrote." Again, I washed the makeup off of my fingertips, than dried them on a small towel, taking great care not to drip water all over myself.

I turned to Edward, pulling the blouse out of his hand, walked out of the bathroom slipping my arms through the sleeves, beginning to button up the blouse quickly. Edward sat himself on the edge of the bed and smirked, "There is nothing sexier than watching you run around like a chicken with its head cut off."

I gave him a sensual turn of my lips as I leaned into his face while simultaneously snatching the skirt from his hand. I ran my tongue along his top lip. The man could turn me on if I were in a fucking coma.

I taunted with a salacious tease to my voice, "Stop being so naughty or I'll have to punish you later."

Edward grabbed me by the waist and tossed me onto the bed like I weighed nothing. I screamed in surprise, laughing loudly. Edward laughed right along with me.

Realizing our loud guffaws, Edward placed his finger to his lips, and replied, "Shh! If you scream, they'll hear you, and how will that fare in the morning's paper, Bella?"

Edward lay on his side next to me, wrapping his leg over my waist.

I struggled to get up, but he had me pinned. Through fits of giggles, I whispered in my harshest voice, "Edward, let me up! Their going to start to wonder where we're at."

He chuckled, his beautiful green orbs of light penetrating me, "Then you have to stop being so goddamn sexy, Ms. Swan."

"You are biased, don't you think, Edward?" I cocked a playful eyebrow towards the ceiling.

Bringing his hand to my cheek, he allowed himself to trail his fingertips softly to my neck, tracing the shadows of the covered wounds delicately. This time I didn't wince, or shy away from him.

"You are beautiful, no matter what, Bella." His stare deepened as he pulled me into his world.

The world I loved more than life itself.

It was like an alternate reality that we both loved being in. Almost like a dream. Like the story from Lewis Carroll, _Alice through the Looking Glass_. It was a place we could go where time would stop. The world was the opposite of what it really was.

As I continued to stare into his eyes, I realized what Edward had wanted me to see since the Chateau.

His love. His pure, unsullied love for me.

_I was bruised…_

I gave him his smile. That special legitimate smile that I saved for him.

…_but not broken._

"I could be wearing a potato sack covered in mud, sitting in a pig pen and you'd still say that," I teased, breaking the trance with a smirk, and propping myself on my elbows.

Edward undraped his leg from around my waist, stood, and chuckled, helping me to my feet, "You could be wearing last year's frock sitting on a front porch in the midst of America and I would think you were the most beautiful creature on the planet."

"That's good to know," I began as I stepped into the long pencil skirt, zipping up the metal closure, "because if this interview goes south, that's where we'll be living. Down on some wheat farm in the middle of Oklahoma eating snap peas and potatoes for dinner."

I kissed his nose, and grabbed my red lipstick, quickly applying a light coating over my lips.

I grabbed a string of pearls off of the tall six-drawer dresser. Edward gently took them from my grasp, letting the beads dance between his fingers. He quickly slinked them around my neck, clasping the closure shut. I felt his breath on the side of my neck, "You're going to knock 'em dead…don't worry."

Turning around, I wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you."

"As I love you, my darling," Edward kissed my forehead and pulled away from me.

I ran a brush through my hair once more, and threw half of it into some bobby pins, letting my long locks flow down my back in a smooth wavy stream of chocolate. I slipped on my black kitten heels and looked at the clock.

Nine-thirty.

_Thirty minutes, flat. Aren't I the punctual one, this evening?_

"Are you ready?" Edward asked.

I grabbed the doorknob. "As ready as I'll ever be."

I heard Edward take a deep breath, exhale, and then reply as we walked out, "And what's wrong with Oklahoma?"

I giggled as he placed his hand in the small of my back, leading me to the living room.

I turned my head and whispered just loud enough so only he and I could here, "As long as I'm with you, it doesn't matter where we end up."

Edward gave me a half grin as we made our way out to the awaiting firing squad.

_Back through the looking glass, into reality._

_

* * *

_

When we returned, Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin were sitting out on the lanai around the small patio table. I took notice Felix had cleared the Chinese food boxes and cleaned the ashtray.

_God bless that man._

Felix whispered in a serious tone to both Edward and I when we made our way back into the living room, "They have toured the rose garden, Mr. Cullen, and I have placed them outside as instructed by Mrs. Whitlock. Will you be requiring my services for the remainder of the evening?"

"Stay close Felix," Edward whispered back.

"Yes, sir, I will stay in the kitchen," Felix replied in a bored tone walking towards the kitchen.

Edward put his hand up, "Wait…Felix, have you seen Heidi?"

Felix never turned around as he replied, "It wasn't my day to watch her, sir."

Edward half chuckled, calling to him, "Felix, there's coffee in the pot…and thank you."

Felix turned and gave Edward and I a congenial smile, "As always, the pleasure is mine. Ms. Swan, break a leg."

Edward's hand never left the small of my back as he led me outside. He nuzzled my ear lightly, explaining as we walked, "Felix is an ex-theatre man. Hence, the 'break a leg' mentality."

"That explains a lot," I replied with a snicker.

Felix had always been very blasé about everything whenever I had a conversation with him. He could be trimming the hedges or smoking a cigarette or just standing outside watching traffic, and he always looked the same. But his responses were, well, laced with a teasing tone. His quick wit outshined even Edward.

"Why are you so concerned about Heidi?" I inquired, curious as to why the sudden interest in the whereabouts of the bitch.

Edward dropped his voice to a hush as we stepped out into the evening, "Because she would be helpful right now, love."

"Is Heidi ever helpful?" I asked donning my smile.

"In situations such as these? Always," Edward replied.

"Our apologies for our delay," Edward smiled at the two woman as he spoke to them. Pulling out one of the black ironwork chairs for me, Edward continued, "Did you enjoy the roses?"

Ms. Normandin cleared her throat, "You have a lovely yard, Mr. Cullen. Ms. Clearwater and I enjoyed it very much, thank you,"

"I will pass that compliment to Felix. It has taken him a year to grow those roses…and let's just say he reminds me daily. So when someone gives those damn roses a compliment, I make sure to pass it along to him." He gave Ms. Clearwater a quick wink and a boyish chuckle that sent my uterus careening into erotic cartwheels. The man had a salacious talent for causing women to turn to mush. Especially me.

Edward was Mr. Congeniality. He could charm the habit off of a nun during a winter blizzard in Chicago. One look. One touch. One grin. One laugh. The man could make my mind turn to Jell-o.

_Damn, is it getting hot out here?_

Just thinking about him lying on the bed with no shirt on made me shift in ways I shouldn't be shifting in for fear I may orgasm right in the chair. Besides, the present company may not appreciate the squeals of delight.

_Well, except for Edward. He always enjoyed my squealing. _

Naughty thoughts began to invade my over-productive mind as I sat down. I heard Edward chuckle at something one of them said. He gave them another boyish grin and lit up a cigarette.

Oh my damn, the man could mouth a filtered cigarette like nobody's business.

I was ready to excuse myself to change my freshly washed panties. Damn it all to hell! I wanted to go back inside and throw on my corset and some red pumps and do naughty things to him.

"Isabella loves them as much as I do, don't you, love?" His voice seemed a hundred miles away.

"Excuse me?" I replied snapping out of my erotic prison of desire.

"The rose garden? You enjoy it, don't you?" Edward's eyes danced in fiery content as he pushed the question at me.

"The garden? Oh, yes, indeed…love the garden." That familiar red heat I knew only too well, rushed to my cheeks.

_Thank God it's dark out here._

I pushed an invisible stray hair back into my partial up-do, still smiling.

"I was just telling Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin about your love of Felix's roses."

I shifted my body away from the patio light fixture, replying, "Especially the white ones. I love white roses."

I situated myself in the chair, readying myself for anything, my mouth curving into a half-moon smile, "Where do we begin ladies?"

Sitting a little straighter, with all the poise I could muster, I interlaced my fingers together around my kneecaps.

Ms. Normandin had a notebook in her lap, ready for dictation, while Ms. Clearwater cleared her throat. I looked over at Edward, who in turn was looking down at my left hand. My eyes danced in happiness as I turned towards my interviewers. Taking note of everyone's stares, I looked down at my intertwined fingers.

In all of its glory, sticking out like the white elephant in the room was my diamond. My engagement ring.

_Fuck it all! Not like Alice didn't remind you, you big horse's ass._

In an act of nervous delirium, I positioned my fingers in front of Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin like a schoolgirl showing off her boyfriend's class ring after asking her to go steady.

I felt…proud.

Proud of the love I shared with Edward. Proud that we were together. Proud that I was going to be his wife.

_Mrs. Edward Cullen…_

Ms. Clearwater cleared her throat again, "That is a beautiful piece of jewelry, Isabella…Tiffany's?"

"Why thank you, Ms. Clearwater. Yes, I believe it came from Tiffany's," I grinned admiring its beauty.

_Shit. _

"Did Jacob give you that ring?" she inquired with a raised eyebrow.

_Double shit…do what you do best, Swan…make the obvious work for you._

"What do you think, darling? Do you think Jacob gave this ring to me?" I moved my fingers around so the light hit the rock perfectly, scattering the beams across the table. It looked like some futuristic light show with cascading rainbows playing against the ebony metal of the table. It was quite beautiful.

_That's a girl, turn it around. Make them answer you. _

I felt Edward drape his arm around the back of my chair, in an almost protective stature.

"No, I don't. Jacob can barely open a car door for you in public, I can't imagine he would buy you anything," Ms. Clearwater mumbled. I snapped my eyes from the light spectacular to her expression.

_Well, aren't you a forward little thing?_

"Who do you think gave it to me?" I asked with a teasing grin, ignoring her quip. I liked this woman. I liked that she spoke her mind and didn't care who was listening.

It was then I noticed an incessant tapping on the concrete. Edward's knee was bouncing a mile a minute.

_Nervous, much, darling? Mr. You-Don't-Know-the-Paparazzi-Like-I-Do…_

Inwardly, I chuckled as my vixen-like snarl carved an etching in my face.

Ms. Clearwater grinned, loosening up her stiff posture as she realized the game I was playing, "Who is conducting this interview, Isabella? Me or you?"

I giggled lightly, giving Edward's leg a squeeze to calm him down. Diane watched every move we made, then glanced over at her counterpart. Fuck it all, if the girl wasn't astute, too.

_We are so done. Toasted like bread on an open campfire._

You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. Edward shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

_Breathe, darling…crumble on the inside, not on the outside._

I patted his knee once more, exchanging a private glance with him.

_If they see you squirm, they know they have you._

I looked back to Ms. Clearwater, "You are conducting this interview, my dear. Please proceed."

"Where did you get the ring?"

"Tiffany's, would you like to see the box?"

"No, I believe you. Who gave it to you?"

"Who do you think gave it to me?" I shot back smoothly.

"Edward."

I giggled breathlessly, "I think you may be right, Ms. Clearwater."

In my peripheral vision, I saw Edward give a small guilty grin.

"Don't you think a divorce is in order before you get married again?" Leah shot out; her voice had become slightly elevated.

"I think that would be the first order of business, Ms. Clearwater. That is, if it were _your_ business. Which it's not, I might add." I was becoming agitated and was losing my poise. I hated it when rag hags did that to me.

Leah stared at me with a stone cold bitch stare that could have cut a glacier in two, "That _is _an engagement ring isn't it Mr. Cullen?"

My nostrils flared in agitation, and my jaw clenched in frustration.

Edward cleared his throat, ran his long fingers through his hair, than extinguished his cigarette into the small ashtray. He gave that boyish smile that made all women want to do the jive right in their seats, "Ms. Clearwater, what do you think it is?"

A small laugh slipped out from between my lips. Edward was good. Too good. I looked over at Ms. Normandin who kept her head bent over her notebook. She scribbled a few notes and looked back at me, waiting patiently for the interview to continue.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, I am not here to putt around a promised interview. If I wanted to play games, I wouldn't have come. I would have gone to the drive-in tonight with my husband, for Christ's sake, but I was concerned…"

Ms. Clearwater looked up with a surprised glance at both Edward and I. A look that meant she had said too much.

"Pardon me?" My brows began to knit together. What in the blue blazes did that mean? She was _concerned_. Concerned about what? My well-being after the altercation at the Grove? Edward's physical state after the fight?

Ms. Clearwater began to collect her purse, but made no attempt to leave. She unclasped the clutch and pulled out a white business card printed on heavy stock.

"Ms. Clearwater, would you mind explaining your last statement?"

_Ugh!_

She still didn't answer me.

I sighed, "Ms. Clearwater, what would you like to know? It's late and I am tired. Very tired. As you can see, Edward has a cut on his cheek and I am recuperating from being humiliated by my soon to be ex-husband's public outburst. So if we can hurry this along, it would be very much appreciated."

Diane squirmed in the chair at my tartness. I was losing my patience. People needed to understand that what Edward and I had was special. People in Hollywood got married and divorced. What made us so goddamn different?

_You're famous. You're young. And you're a private gal who is never in the spotlight. They're going to feed on you like vultures on a fresh carcass._

"Isabella, I know what he did to you last night," Ms. Clearwater replied in a hushed tone looking down at her hands.

I gave her a confused look.

"Pardon me?" I felt like a fucking broken record. And I didn't know if I had heard her correctly.

"I know an orderly at LA General," Ms. Clearwater fumbled with her gloves, gripping them like one would a lucky rabbit's foot.

_Whatever happened to privacy, people? Can you tell me that?_

"He told me you were being treated for asphyxiation. For lack of a better word, you were strangled. Would you like to elaborate or would you like me to investigate myself."

_Fuck! Discretion is the name of the game folks!_

I looked over at Edward, then back to Ms. Clearwater. I was speechless. For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to say. And nothing could have prepared me for what was coming.

Ms. Clearwater pushed the heavy cardstock in my direction, "I know you're very wealthy and you probably have ten lawyers on retainer."

_Uh..no…don't know one fucking lawyer…was hoping Edward did._

"But this one, I know personally." Ms. Clearwater held her fingers on the card for a moment longer, locking eyes with me, and continuing, "Isabella, please take the card. My brother is good. Really good. He'll help you with this...family matter."

_Oh no, I am not airing my dirty laundry to you. A fucking rag hag and her side-car riding Pink Lady. Nuh-uh, folks…_

"Look, ladies, I am not sure what you may be speaking of. I was not treated last night for asphyxiation caused by strangulation. I passed out. Exhaustion. Nothing more. I need some rest," I babbled beginning to pick at an invisible piece of lint on my black skirt.

"Really? Does that explain the dark shadows on your neck, Isabella?"

I looked over at Edward than back to Ms. Clearwater in feigned shock, "And when did we become such good friends that we are on a first name basis, Ms. Clearwater?"

Ms. Normandin spoke softly, ignoring my response, "Ms. Swan, our visit here tonight was to check on you. Make sure you were alright. There will be a story in tomorrow's paper. But it will be nothing but fluff. I was in a relationship such as yours a year ago, Ms. Swan. He put a bullet in my shoulder. Ms. Clearwater's brother took care of the proceedings."

"Seth Clearwater?" Edward spoke for the first time.

It was Ms. Clearwater's turn to look surprised, "Excuse me?"

"I knew I recognized the name. You have a younger brother. Seth."

"Ummm…yes. As a matter of fact I do."

Edward smiled knowingly, lighting up two cigarettes. He passed one to me. I inhaled sharply, letting the calm filter through my lungs. He waggled a finger at Ms. Clearwater, "Jacob and I went to school with Seth for a year. Then his family moved away because your father passed. Am I right?"

Edward turned to me with a large grin, "Seth was a great kid. He was a couple years younger than Jake and I. He was great. Great kid."

"Yes, well, he's a lawyer now. Married. Kids. You know the perfect life," Leah said in a thick tone.

"How is Seth?"

"Successful. Has a small firm downtown," Leah replied shortly, obviously uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation, "but this isn't about me. This is about Ms. Swan. And I highly recommend my brother. He's good. And he knows Jacob. He knows what makes him tick. He knows of his connections."

I put up my hand to stop her, "Excuse me? I am only looking for a divorce," I quickly glanced back at Edward in panic.

"He won't give you one," Ms. Clearwater stated plainly.

"Yes. Yes he will. He has to," my voice began to climb several octaves in panic.

"You think because he strangled you, he'll give you what you want? Ms. Swan, please, there are bad men in this world. Don't be so naïve. Diane's husband was one of them. Her husband owned the judge that sat on the bench and oversaw the proceedings. He wasn't going to budge."

"But Jake is not like that." I turned to Edward in full-fledged panic and then continued, "Tell them. Tell them he's a good man who just took a wrong turn. He lost his way is all…"

All three of them looked at me like I had flipped my can. I couldn't explain it. Jacob was good. He just made wrong decisions. Bad choices.

Edward took another long drag, staring off into the opposite direction.

Diane interrupted in a strong voice, "Isabella please. My husband was a terrible man. He shot me. The bastard shot me! And the judge said no divorce. Until Seth did a little digging of his own and sabotaged the little heist that was going on behind the scenes. My ex-husband was paying off the judge. Seth got photos of the exchange and threatened to go to the FBI. To say the least, my ex-husband was not thrilled."

"What kind of man was your husband?" I asked in awe.

"Not one you played games with," Diane replied looking down at her hands.

Edward began to rub my back. I shook my head back and forth slowly, "No. That's not Jake…Edward? Tell them Jake would never-"

Edward took a deep breath looking at me tenderly, "You don't know what sort Jacob has been associating with Bella. Just take the card. Give him a call in the morning."

I turned back to Ms. Normandin and Ms. Clearwater, "After you did that, weren't you afraid of your husband? What he would do to you? I mean he shot you."

"At first, yes, but, not anymore. There comes a time in a person's life when you have to make a stand. You have to take control of your own life again. You have to live again. As soon as the divorce was finalized, I left where I came from and ended up here. The weather was worth the relocation, that's for certain."

"How can you live like that? You're always looking over your shoulder. You're always wondering if…if…" I shuddered at the thought of having to look over my shoulder like Ms. Normandin. Everyday wondering if someone was hiding around the corner, waiting to gun you down.

"How could I not take that chance, dear? You eventually get tired of being someone else's prized possession. You realize they are little bullies hiding in the bodies of men." Diane sighed deeply, then looked up at me, conviction in her eyes, continuing with an authoritative voice of empowerment, "Look, fear kept me with my husband. Fear kept me rotting in someone else's sick prison. And it was fear that kept me from living a free life. Once I found the inner strength to leave…well that was when I overcame the invisible hold Tommy had on me. That's when I kicked fear to the curb. I am not afraid anymore. Oh, he's still out there. He's alive and well and living with some dame that tolerates him and I'm sure every now and again he thinks of me because I know I think of him daily. But I know in my heart, that if I didn't leave, I would be dead already.

Ms. Normandin took a sip of water, continuing, "With that being said, am I afraid? No, I'm not. I would rather live the life I'm living right now then be stuck with him. You've got that strength Ms. Swan. I see it. The question is: Are you going to follow through?"

I processed everything she was telling me. And in my heart of hearts, I knew what I wanted, but I also knew I could never hurt Jacob like he hurt me. I would help him.

I nodded my head slowly in agreement. That was Ms. Normandin's situation, not mine. Jacob would never...he…just wouldn't…

_He hit you several times, Swan. He tried to strangle you! Wake up and smell the proverbial bullshit! _

"He was so sweet. He was so caring. Jake was just…it's the drinking. The drink makes him do crazy things," I replied in a pleading tone. I didn't know if I was trying to convince myself or them. I wanted them to believe in him like I did. I searched Ms. Normandin's eyes for her understanding. Instead they were laced with something else.

_Strength._

"They are perfect in public. Whether you're Hollywood's princes or paupers, it's all the same. They are all charming in public. Tommy was…God…Tommy was handsome. He was full of congenial appeal. He was Prince Charming. The perfect husband. But when we got home and the doors were closed, he turned into Mr. Hyde. A brute. A bully. Just like Jacob Black."

"That's a bold assumption don't you think, Ms. Normandin?" I replied with a snide tone. She didn't know Jacob like I did. Jacob was not like her ex-husband. I could help fix Jacob.

_Who are you trying to fool, Swan? Yourself? Or these two rag hags?_

Ms. Normandin took a sip of water, then continued ignoring my remark, "Ms. Clearwater and I have watched you and Jacob over the past month. His mannerisms. His personality. The two of you were wonderful actors, Ms. Swan. I must admit, you were the best I'd ever seen. You always looked like you loved him. Until I was going through a photograph I took of the three of you at a party. Your façade wore off. And not just on your end. On his, as well. It became more…well, dutiful obligation, than love. Ms. Clearwater and I noticed the little things. He no longer held doors open for you. You no longer laughed at his jokes. Things like that."

"Well, aren't you perceptive?" I quipped sarcastically remembering when those things ceased to exist between Jacob and I.

"That's our job, dear. We're the press. We see everything. Even when you don't think we do," Ms. Normandin continued after a brief pause, motioning between Edward and me, "It was a look you gave Mr. Cullen. It was just a look I recognized. It was love. You and Mr. Cullen gravitated towards each other constantly. After that one photo, I began to have many taken. Obviously, I never published them because who am I to break up a marriage with bad press photos?"

I turned to Edward and gave a smirk, "Holy smokes! A rag hag with a moral compass? Hot damn! This is a first, isn't it?" I turned back to Ms. Normandin with a serious expression, continuing with a sigh, "Should I assume that's what prompted you to come here?"

Ms. Normandin shook her head, "No. Not entirely,"

Ms. Clearwater interjected with a half-smirk, "You threw me a bone yesterday, Ms. Swan. In front of all those men, you wanted me to interview you. I would be daft to pass up the opportunity you gave me."

Ms. Clearwater was right about that. When opportunity knocks, you need to embrace it.

_Sound advice, Swan._

Ms. Clearwater cleared her throat, "Its best that you go with my brother. At least call him, Ms. Swan,"

I looked down at the thick white paper.

_**Seth Clearwater, Attorney At Law**_

The women stood to leave. I grabbed at Ms. Clearwater's hand in reflex. She couldn't leave yet. I had more questions.

"Wait, what is going in tomorrow's paper?" I was internally panicking.

Ms. Clearwater smiled delicately, "You and Mr. Black have lawfully separated within amicable guidelines. Or something along those lines."

"But that isn't true," I protested. I wasn't knowledgeable with the timeframe of these things. I had never gotten divorced before. Or legally separated for that matter.

"That statement will ring true by tomorrow evening. Look, don't worry. I'll put in a fluff piece if it's not and not even visit the situation…I'll see what I can do," the brunette beauty concluded with certainty.

After a moment, Ms. Normandin looked at me with doe eyes, "That is what you want, right Isabella? A divorce?"

Without hesitation, I replied staring at my new ring, "With all my heart. I just want to be with someone who loves me." I looked up at Edward, and then continued, "Someone who loves me as much as I care about them. As much as I love them."

"Then it's settled. You will go have this taken care of tomorrow and Ms. Normandin and I will take care of our end."

Edward and I sat there staring at each other. The world was so uncertain. So volatile.

And I was scared.

I could hear a smile in Ms. Clearwater's voice, "We'll let ourselves out, Isabella."

Shaking myself out of Edward's hypnotic stare, I stood and extended my hand, "Thank you. Thank you for everything, Ms. Clearwater."

"We're just reaching out. Just like you did for me last night, Isabella," Ms. Clearwater proclaimed as she gave me a smirk.

Ms. Normandin took my hand, "You may be uncertain now, but in the end, you'll be relieved to know that you took the first step."

"Thank you Ms. Normandin."

"I think we're past the formalities, don't you think Isabella? Call me Diane." She gave me a wink.

"Diane, thank you."

"Goodnight, Isabella. It was a pleasure meeting you Edward." They both called out as they let themselves out the front door.

Edward put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me to his hard chest. I placed my ear to his sternum and closed my eyes lightly. His embrace always made me feel whole. Complete.

_Thump-Thump…Thump-Thump…._

Underneath his sweater I heard the soft thrumming of his heart. It was like a soft lullaby lulling me into sleepy static.

_Thump-Thump….Thump-Thump…_

It was the sweetest sound in the world.

He placed his lips on my forehead, taking me away to an island in the sun. That kiss fired up any and every erotic sensor in my body.

"Mr. Cullen, are you requiring my services, any longer?"

Edward pulled his soft lips from my skin, "No, thank you, Felix. We will see you in a couple days. Have a good day off tomorrow."

"Thank you, sir," Felix replied.

"Good night Felix," I called after him.

"Good evening, Ms. Swan, or shall I dare say, Mrs. Cullen," Felix returned with a slight smile etching its way into his refined features.

Edward and I looked at each other than back to Felix. Edward replied, "Mrs. Cullen sounds wonderful Felix, but can we keep that under our thumb until the divorce is final."

"My apologies, sir, as you wish. But may I offer some sound advice, Mr. Cullen?"

"Of course,"

"Maybe you should reconsider giving the woman of your dreams an engagement ring until she can actually wear it in the open?"

"I'll remember that for next time," Edward called as Felix turned to leave again.

I looked up in mock shock, pulling out of his grasp, "Next time? Are you thinking of leaving me already, Mr. Cullen?"

I heard the front door slam shut and the key leave it's tumbler housing signifying the locking mechanism was properly latched.

I gave Edward a look painted in vixen, waggling my finger at him, motioning for him to come closer.

Edward peeled his sweater from his body, throwing it on the concrete next to his feet, "The pool looks pretty inviting, doesn't it Ms. Swan?"

I slipped out of my kitten heels, preparing myself for his mischief. If I knew anything about Edward, I knew the look he was giving me.

_Oh no you don't Edward. Don't you-_

His eyes glittered in the moonlight with misbehaving intent.

_No way! Don't you dare!_

I took off into a sprint as he pulled no punches and caught me by the waist within seconds. He threw me over his shoulder and walked over to the pool. I struggled with fruitless abandon, "Edward! Edward! This is Chanel that I'm wearing! You can't do this! Alice will have your behind!"

I beat my fists against his strong back as he laughed, inching his way closer to the cool pool of water.

"Why? Mrs. Cullen! Is that proper behavior for such a refined woman?"

_Mrs. Cullen?_

My squirming came to a momentary halt. It sounded so nice hearing that name come from his mouth with no hesitation. It was a beautiful sound. Mrs. Cullen. Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen.

_I like that._

Edward got to the pool's edge, teetering like he was losing his balance, bringing me back from my schoolgirl haze of wedding dresses and flowers. I screamed and laughed hysterically, "I'll do anything! I'll do annnnyyyything! Just don't jump! Don't do it!"

Edward stopped teetering and placed me down on my feet, "Anything?"

"Anything," I said in a breathless tone as the blood that had drifted down to my head regained its normal semblance back into my body, restoring my equilibrium.

I wrapped my arms around his bare waist, a playful glint still in my eye, my breathing pattern coming in short quick gasps, matching his breath-for-breath.

I felt Edward's taut body relax as I moved my lips closer to his, "I will do anything for you, Edward Anthony Cullen."

"I think I like the sound of that, Isabella Marie…Cullen."

Edward's arms tightened around me, making me feel whole. Complete.

Nothing in the world could rip us from each other. Not a natural force of nature. Not a person. Not anything. Edward holding me in his arms was as captivating as cascading blue, red, and green lights against an ebony sky in the midst of Aurora Borealis.

He was a magnificent man.

His sweet breath enslaved any coherency I had left within me. I wanted to brush my lips against his. Run my tongue along his bottom lip. Lap up his luxurious flavor as I explored the inside of his talented mouth.

I shivered slightly in expectation, our lips still suspended in time.

"You want to go inside?" he breathed. His whisper was intoxicating.

I barely shook my head in a slow deliberate movement. The tip of my nose brushed the cleft of skin above his upper lip. I closed my eyes savoring his smell, committing the scent of a woodsy musk to memory.

I would always remember this moment. I would tuck it away into the metal filing cabinet of my mind's eye. Forever.

_Us. Here. Under a full moon. The air of the night not even wanting to disturb this moment._

I slipped from his grasp, and moved away from his lips, smiling slightly. I wanted this moment to last forever. And I would prolong it as long as I could.

The invisible haze of nirvana Edward held me in made me do crazy things. I never had to think when I was with him. He had me in ethereal shackles that I was more than willing to stay in for the rest of my life.

Edward and I had stepped through the looking glass once more.

Into the dream-like alternate universe that we loved. Where there was no beginning and no end. We were a continuous fluid movement. One ended and the other began. Simplicity at its finest.

My skirt slipped from my body into a cloud of black at my feet. My periwinkle blouse was next, billowing its way to the concrete lip of the pool.

"Tell me," he whispered making a feeble attempt to reach for me. I pulled away from him once more, taking one more step backwards, feeling the lip of the pool under my heel.

"I'll always love you, my darling," I replied with a delicate smile. I reached behind me, unclasping my bra, shedding it from my arms. With a small giggle I threw it at his feet, taunting him with a sensual snarl.

Edward was just adorable standing there as dumbfounded as I felt. It was an obvious pattern we seemed to have. He would always look how I felt. Again, where one of us ended, the other one began.

My eyes fluttered shut as a gentle breeze kissed my skin. I ran my hands down my breasts, feeling the pert nipples pebble under the skin of my fingers. My hands glided down to the waistband of my lace panties. I slipped my fingers under the delicate fabric, pushing them down my legs, kicking them off one leg at a time.

Finally, I looked into his eyes. Those hypnotic spheres of emerald green that made my breath hitch in my chest every single time. It was odd, how this love that we had was undeniably palatable. You could put a blind deaf man in the room with us and he would know what Edward and I had. He would see and feel the love that we shared, just by our presence.

"Holy hell, Bella," Edward replied in such a low hush that if I hadn't been reading his lips, I would not have heard him. I continued to hold his gaze prisoner.

"I am so in love with you," I breathed. My skin burned white hot as he grazed his fingers against my cheek, trailing to my neck.

"Oh my god…you are so…so beautiful. You are my angel." Edward's fingers pressed into the back of my neck, pulling me into him once more.

Looking up into his eyes, I replied with a smile, "Let me take out my tarnished halo and my marred wings then."

Edward didn't smile at my joke. He just stared at me with a W-shape penetrating his brows, "You are just as strong as Ms. Normandin, Bella,"

_Opportunity's knocking, Swan. _

I didn't want to talk about that anymore. I didn't want to re-hash the pain right now. I didn't want to talk about Jacob or the abuse or anything. I just wanted Edward to love me.

I glanced behind me at the inviting pool of water, then looked back to Edward with a mischievous grin.

His serious expression quickly curved into a smile.

_Knock…Knock…Knock…This is Opportunity, Swan. _

So, I smiled. His smile.

_Do you hear me?_

And did a backwards swan dive into the swimming pool.

_Open the door._

No one else could cause such a natural reaction within me but Edward.

* * *

**A/N: Dear Readers, after the last chapter, you guys gave me the greatest thing ever. You told me you loved this story. Each review since I began posting has been a gift. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me. I love and appreciate every single one of you. Another chapter will be up in a couple days. Until then, shoot for the moon…you will always end up amongst the stars. Smooches & Stars, dah-lings! XOXOXOX ~Cozzy**

**P.S. I am also on Twitter. My tweets are protected so just follow me and I will confirm you. My name on Twitter is cozmedic . Love you guys! XOXO ~C**


	28. Chapter 27

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, belong to me, Cozmedic. ;)  
**_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…very simply put, thank you for waiting for my mojo to come back ;)**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-seven (BPOV)~**_

Vanquish.

I loved the sound of the word. I hated its definition.

Vanquish.

True definition: to defeat soundly.

_Synonyms: Beat, conquer, crush, overbear._

Just to name a few.

His strapping body was wrapped nicely between my thighs as I pondered the word. I loved being on top of him. I loved dominating him.

_Antonyms: Lose, surrender, fail._

To name a few.

It was a wonderful thing. To dominate something you knew was wild. Something that could not be tamed.

_Could not or would not?_

I looked down at his chiseled features, taking in his eyes. They were docile. Subdued. Satiated. Even if for only a short time.

_Surrender to me._

He ran his hands up my corseted bodice.

"Do you like it?" His hands continued to caress the fabric as a smile of sex-soaked carnage played his lips.

_Damn. The man was beautiful in so many ways._

"I love the color," I whispered, glancing at the midnight blue fabric that peeked from in between the layers of black boning. The corset restricted my air intake making speech a little difficult, but damn, I loved how it clung to my sides. I loved how it took my breath away. It made me feel like I was alive. That I still had a breath in me. That I still had something to fight for.

I threw my head back as he supported my back with his large hands, never breaking my momentum.

He loved things that symbolized control. Corsets were his favorite. They were something, other than himself, that could control me. Keep me contained.

He repositioned me into an upright stature, bringing my eyes back to his.

_Loving, kind eyes._

"I know blue is your favorite. When I saw it in the store, I knew you had to have it."

His confident hands loosened the confines of the contraption with swift assurance. I did love that about him. His self-assured behavior. His daring ability to do anything he wanted, whenever he wanted.

The corset was stripped from my body within a minute, releasing me from my own steel prison. I gasped as his warm hands caressed my sides. Why did his gentility always shock me?

I looked down at his face once more.

_The man was definitely a little slice of sublime._

As he thrust his hips into mine, I closed my eyes in revelry. My hands combed their way through my locks as I rocked my hips with his.

"Ahh, Bella you are the most beautiful thing in the world. Your skin. Your gorgeous hair. Everything…so fucking…beautiful."

_Thing? Beautiful thing?_

"Open your eyes, Bells. Give it to me baby." His voice was a whisper but the sound had a rough edge to it. Not the voice I wanted to hear. Not _his_ voice.

_But damaged. Beautiful and damaged. Just like you._

I continued to keep my lids closed as his hands travelled up my neck. I felt his thick fingers gently massage at the delicate skin along my neckline. He was so gentle. During sex.

_It's the only time he is, Swan._

"Look at me, Bells. Please," He rasped. He was close. I kept the pace he liked. Strong with the building force of a hurricane.

I felt his eyes capture me.

_Like the eyes of Edward's camera._

As usual, I opened my eyes and saw _his_ angelic face. My Adonis. My beautiful Edward.

I smiled seductively. My pace picking up speed.

_That's right Edward. Tell me how much you love me. Tell me what I want to hear._

His length slipping inside and out with fervor.

_Oh Jesus, Edward. Oh…Oh…_

I threw my head back thinking of him. "Goddamn baby!" I screamed.

_Right there Edward. Don't stop! Keep going, baby…_

"That's it Bells…"

"Ah…Ahhh…Oh, Edward!" I screamed as my orgasm finally burst free from the confines of my belly right down to my core.

_Oh Jesus, baby, you feel so fucking good…_

Abruptly, the hips underneath me stopped.

_What in the hell?_

Jacob's large hands fell from my face down to rest on my hips. I opened my eyes and looked down at him, with a look of confusion creasing my features. Intense pleasure was replaced with an irrational state of panic.

_What'd I do?_

His large hands roughly tossed me off of his body like I was as light as a skipping stone careening its way across the glassy waters of a calm lake. I put out my hands to stop myself from falling off of the king-sized bed.

"Hey! What's that all about?" I asked in a defensive tone. I began to wrap the white sheet around my body.

Jacob's ebony eyebrows pointed downward into a look of dangerous fury and rigid disgust. I cringed back slightly, knowing that look.

But I was only familiar with it when he was drinking. Not when he was sober. And in his sobriety, he looked more foreboding. Darker.

The pit of my stomach tightened. Like an unsure doe at a spring in unusual silence, I crept closer to his tense body. He looked like a coil wound too tight.

In silence, Jacob grabbed his Chesterfield's from the nightstand next to him. He shook one out roughly, throwing it into his mouth and lighting it. His back muscles carved their way into his russet skin as he sat rigidly on the edge of the bed for a moment.

He was driving me mad.

_What in the living hell did I do now?_

"Jacob?"

As I reached out to touch him, he stood up, cigarette lying loosely between his lips, the look of disgust more apparent. He grunted as he pulled on a pair of worn Levi's. The smell of motor oil wafted through the air as he shoved his legs into the worn denim.

Jacob's fierce features tightened as he took a drag, zipping up his pants.

"You're a goddamn two-bit tramp!" he suddenly yelled.

I shook my head, dazed by the sharpness in his voice, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Two. Bit. Tramp!"

"I don't understand," I replied dumbly. I didn't know what in the hell he was talking about.

Jacob haphazardly rustled through our large dresser, pulled out a crisp white cotton undershirt, and then slammed the drawer shut with a sharp bang. I jumped a little at the hard sound that rang through my ears.

Throwing his arms through the sleeves, he removed the cigarette from his lips, shoving his head through the neck of the undershirt. I gripped the sheet a little tighter to my body. I felt a tremble begin to pepper my skin as I recalled what I had said,

…_Edward._

I began the tumultuous spiral back to reality.

Harsh, cruel reality.

The man underneath me wasn't Edward.

_Jacob, you moron! Jacob, Jacob, Jacob!_

I didn't know what to say. I was cold. Stone still and cold.

_You hurt him…again._

The breath that remained in my lungs burned hot, singeing my insides. I needed to make it right. He didn't deserve to be treated this way. Jacob deserved better.

"Jacob-" I began in a soft tone.

Jacob's eyes narrowed as he interrupted me, his voice booming, "He will _never_ want you, nor will he _ever_ love you. Ever. Do you understand me Bells?"

I blinked lightly as the tears began to burn my eyes. The tears would never flow freely again. Not since my mother left. I never allowed people to see my emotional torment.

And most assuredly, I wouldn't allow him to see the pain he inflicted. Just like he would never allow me to see his pain or torment. It was just who we were.

_Besides, it would just be another chink in the armor. Jacob saw enough nicks and scrapes to last him a lifetime._

Jacob stared at me for a full minute as I sat in defeated silence. What could I say to make it right? Anymore, there was no apology that could make things right between us.

So I sat in my mess.

_Vanquish…To defeat soundly._

He scoffed, "Typical."

With that, Jacob started out the door without a response. Damn it all! He knew I hated that. He knew you did not walk away from me in a goddamn argument. I scrambled off of the bed and ran after him. Grabbing his arm, my nails scraped the skin of his bicep. Red angry marks began to rise immediately on his russet skin.

A snarl piqued the left side of my lip, "Where are you going?"

"Out!" His voice resounded throughout the hallway.

Jacob yanked his arm from my grasp as I screamed, "Not until we fucking finish this!"

"Who in the hell are you to tell me what I can and can't do?"

I stepped back and crossed my arms replying, "Going to one of _your_ little floozies?"

Jacob's lips pulled into a sick smile, "Hey baby, at least _they_ remember my name."

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't. I had hurt him. Again.

My face fell from the hard, sarcastic bitch façade to the conquered forlorn woman.

_Antonyms:_

The front door slammed shut. The sound of the motorcycle roared to life.

_Lose…_

My world began to crack.

_Surrender…_

I placed my back against the hallway wall.

_Fail._

Pulling the sheet tighter around my shoulders, I slid to the floor in a naked heap.

_You are a failure, just like she said you were going to be._

The mask broke and my tears spilled forth for the first time in ten years.

* * *

My pillow was soaked from my tears and my stomach was just not right.

_Bad memories and bad Chinese food._

Yes, my week was complete.

Sniffling, I threw my legs over the side of the bed, setting myself upright.

I felt his hand caress my back through the thin fabric of my short nightdress.

"You alright?" Edward asked in a sleepy haze.

I shook my head in silence, "No…not alright. I think the Chinese food was bad."

_And I think I need to be put back together, Edward. Like Humpty Dumpty._

My memories of Jacob were too strong and impeccably real to escape from. Even in sleep.

I hunched over slightly as another round of nausea settled itself into the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was all the stress? Or maybe there was a shred of truth behind the exhaustion bit I spoon-fed Ms. Clearwater and Ms. Normandin?

I looked over at Edward, smiling weakly. He placed his hand on the side of my face. Realizing my tears, he brushed them away, then pulled me to his chest. Happily I curled up in his arms, lying there for a full minute before either of us spoke.

Brushing my hair with his hand, he whispered into the dark, "It'll be alright love. Everything will be alright."

"I'm not getting better," I whispered, restraining the sob that fought to break free from my chest.

My mind was speeding at a hundred miles an hour. I felt like a passenger on a vehicle that I had no control over. And all the signs that passed me by were my memories of Jacob.

All the things we did.

_The motorcycle rides in the rain, dancing in the living room barefoot on a Saturday night, showing up on my doorstep with stolen flowers even though he could afford a whole goddamn florist, telling me we would get through our loss…together._

All the things we had and things we could have had.

_Your heart was with Edward. How could you have had anything with Jacob? Your relationship was doomed from the beginning._

From the beginning I was unfair to Jacob. He never knew the truth until a few months ago. He never knew my heart belonged to only one man.

_Edward…._

"You haven't given yourself a chance to get better sweetheart."

Edward's smooth voice brought me back to the cool of the summer evening. A slight breeze wafted through the sheer curtains of our bedroom.

No, I hadn't given myself enough time to heal. How could I? I had gone in a matter of weeks from one dysfunctional relationship headfirst into a new love with my soul mate. My destiny. All it would take is time.

The beat of his heart thumped with a melodic song as I pressed the side of my face deeper into his chest. I loved the sound. It was relaxing. Comforting.

I sighed deeply, taking in his scent, allowing it to envelope me. I began to lazily draw circles into a light patch of hair on his chest.

Why would Edward want me? Why would he not want Ava or any of his other prospects? Why me? Sure, I was beautiful. According to some publications, I was the most beautiful woman in the world. But I was damaged. Broken. What people didn't realize is that you may go to bed with Isabella Swan, pin-up girl, but you wake up with Bella Marie, the girl with issues. The girl from Forks, Washington. An ordinary girl. Nothing more.

After a moment Edward's voice broke the heavy silence again, "What are you thinking about, Bella?"

_Ava Gardner._

"Did you love any others before me?" I replied with a heavy heart. Damn it all if I didn't know how to ruin a quiet moment.

I felt his lips press into the top of my head. Without an ounce of hesitation he replied, "Never."

"Never? I find that hard to believe. The country's most eligible bachelor never in love." I gave a small smile, making my attempt at lightening the heavy-handed conversation I had thrown us into.

I sat up to find his eyes in the dark. His eyebrows were knitting an afghan. I gently caressed the furrows on his forehead trying to smooth away what I had just caused, still giving a grin. Once again, my feeble attempt at making light of the conversation.

So far it wasn't working.

_And so what if he was in love with another. You were once in love with another, Swan. Remember?_

Edward's serious scowl, curved into a half-grin, "Never. I've loved you since the day I saw you in the drugstore."

Before I realized what my mouth was saying, I shot out in a quiet tone, "And Ava? Did you love her?"

_UGH! Big old dumbass! Learn to keep your mouth shut Swan!_

I looked down at the tangled sheets. I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Really, Bella? Goddamn…" Edward sat up, propped himself up against the plain wood headboard, and then brought up one of his knees, motioning for me to sit between his legs. I rested my back against his iron cast stomach, snuggling in deeper. His arms wrapped around me in bear hug. He continued, "There will never be any other. Ava? Ava was a…a distraction."

"A distraction?"

I heard Edward chuckle lightly, "Jacob was a distraction for you. Ava was mine."

I knew this was going to be bold, but the question grabbed at me and tormented me daily.

"Did you make love to her?"

"Love, the only person I have made love to is you. Any other was a glorified fucking. Dammit all Bella, I wasn't a fucking saint." Edward stopped for a moment. I felt one of his arms release me as he ran his hand through his hair. He was nervous. He didn't like this conversation. And I was disappointed in myself for bringing it up.

"When was the last time you made love to Jacob?"

_Didn't expect that one, did you Swan?_

I shook my head sitting up, pulling away from him. My defense mechanism kicked in.

"That's a loaded question, isn't it?"

"About as loaded as the 'did you make love to her' question, don't you think?"

I pulled my legs into an Indian-style sitting position, facing him. Edward needed to know. Why I wanted to tell him, I wasn't sure. I just knew it had to be out there.

"I haven't fucked Jacob since the night I came over here. Almost three weeks ago."

Edward flinched as if I had slapped him. He needed to let me finish and he needed to hear it.

I placed my hand on his cheek, caressing the twenty-four hour stubble he had accumulated, and then continued, "And we never finished. It was my wake-up call. That's why I came over that night. That's why I wanted to start our relationship. I came to the realization that the more time that passed for Jacob and I, the more difficult it would become…to get out."

"So that's what I am to you? An out?" Edward looked at me intently, searching my eyes.

I shook my head vehemently, "No! No, don't misunderstand me," I sighed then continued, "You are my kismet. My fate. The one I was destined to be with. The night I left Jacob…the night he left…that was the night I realized that I needed to start taking a chance on my heart. Something I have never done."

Edward gave me a sexy half grin, "Really?"

My smile returned to the corners of my mouth, "Do you remember what I told you? At the Chateau? I called out _your name_. Not his." I dropped my hand from his face and continued looking at my hands.

My voice dropped to a hushed whisper as I continued, "Now the last time I had _sex_ with Jacob…well, that was four months, three weeks, two days ago."

Edward scoffed, "Glad to know he left that memory with you." He grabbed at his Lucky Strikes on his nightstand, shook out a cigarette and lit it.

The burning cherry on his smoke cut through the black night of the room. The smoke trails looked like ghosts in the darkness as he continued to puff away on the tube of tobacco in what looked like nervous frustration.

"The only reason I remember how many days ago it was is because I will always remember the night I lost my baby. I will always remember the night I died a little."

Edward ran his hand through his hair once more, pulled me into his arms and replied, "Oh Jesus, Bella. I am a wretched man. I'm sorry love. I am so sorry."

Pulling away from Edward I replied, "I'm sorry for bringing up such a stupid thing. It was diseased for me to even ask such a silly question that means nothing."

With that, a fresh wave of nausea wracked my stomach.

In a flash of an instant, I bounded off of the bed, hurling myself into the bathroom.

_Nothing good can come of this…_

_

* * *

_

Thank the good Lord the toilet seat was up.

_Great way to ruin another moment…_

A strong stream of bile, stomach acids, and Chinese food burned my throat as it spewed forth into the porcelain bowl in front of me. The smell was horrid.

_Yes, but throwing up in his face would have been a bigger disappointment._

With a shaky hand I flushed the remnants of my last meal down the toilet. I ran my other hand over my lips. They felt like sandpaper.

_God, please do not let anything come of this…_

I couldn't be. I mean really! I had only been with Edward, what? Three weeks.

_It only takes once, Swan. We know this from experience._

And experience told me all signs led to pregnancy.

_Or bad Chinese…_

I felt a cool hand press against my clammy forehead, interrupting my thoughts. Edward was kneeling next to me. "I called my father. He's on his way. He thinks it might be a reaction to the pills he sent home with you yesterday."

_A reaction to the sedative…yes, that had to be it…_

"You didn't have to do that," I croaked as I tried to lift myself. My legs suddenly felt like tree stumps.

_If I had actually taken the sedative, that is._

Edward swung my arm around his shoulders, proceeding to lift me from the tiled floor as though I weighed nothing. I leaned my head into his chest.

Would it be so bad? Being pregnant with his child? No, it wouldn't. It was what we had talked about. He wanted it as much as I did.

Lying me back down in the cool of the sheets, Edward smiled into the moonlight.

_It would have his smile. That beautiful smile._

"You are so beautiful, Edward," I murmured, taking in his features trying to decide what charming characteristics would belong to our child. Those chiseled cheekbones. The square, rigid jaw that screamed nobility. His piercing emerald eyes that were gentle and kind, yet wrought with intensity.

"The epitome of beauty is laying in my arms, love." He sat himself within the feather mattress next to me, never disconnecting his touch from mine.

My body felt like it had been run over by a delivery truck, and yet, when he ran his fingers over my cheekbone for a few moments, intently studying my face, it was like he had miraculously healed any form of physical or emotional scarring that had ever been inflicted on me.

I didn't know what he saw when he looked at me, but whatever it was, his gaze always reflected a look of love and adoration that I had never seen before through the eyes of any man.

After a few moments of beautiful unabridged silence Edward whispered, "I think we need to go away for a couple days."

"Go away? We just sequestered ourselves for weeks at Chateau Marmont. I think we've been away long enough," I replied gently. I knew he meant well, but we needed to be realistic. I had meetings. We had commitments to adhere to.

And Alice would have my ass on a silver platter.

Edward grinned and then took my ringed hand into his, "We'll see Seth Clearwater tomorrow afternoon, we'll come home and pack up and head to Palm Springs for a couple of days. What do you think? Golf. Sun. Swimming."

"Edward, are you listening to me sweetheart? We can't leave every time there's an issue. Besides, I don't know how to golf," I replied logically.

He cocked an eyebrow skyward, giving me a sly smile, "And why can't we leave? Do you have something going on I don't know about? And besides, I'll teach you how to play golf. It is a wonderful time for you to learn." Edward's voice was laced in a teasing tone. It was common knowledge that every shoot I had was with Edward. I made sure of that.

"We have that shoot for Wink in a couple days." I wasn't sure why I had such a vehement urge to argue. Maybe it was because with Edward, it was so easy to escape into an alternate reality and get lost in it.

And one of these days, I may never want to return. To reality that is.

"And?" Edward climbed over me, took me into his arms and began again, "The best thing about what you and I have is that we can work anywhere, love."

"You and I have meetings…speaking of which, I have to call Alice-"

Edward placed a finger to my lips, "You are starting to sound like a work-a-holic."

"I didn't get where I am by sitting on a pedestal looking pretty," I chuckled lightly at the imagery. I wish it were that easy. My daily life was more than waking up in the morning, having Alice dress me, and going off to have my picture taken.

"I know how much work you do Bella. All I'm asking for is a few days. A few days to sleep in. A few days to play in the desert sun. Maybe swim a little. Go somewhere no one recognizes you."

"Just a few days?" His persuasive arguments were hard to ignore. In fact, they were downright impossible. Why shouldn't I go away with him?

Holding up two fingers in a Boy Scout maneuver, Edward replied, "Just a few days. I swear we'll let Alice know and she can rearrange your schedule. I'll have Heidi scramble my schedule around a little as well. I have publicity stills for Elizabeth Taylor coming up next week for Jasper's film, but that can be easily rearranged. Okay?"

His eyes were too mesmerizing not to say yes. I mean, who could say no to such a gorgeous specimen of a man with that engaging smile? Even in the dark, he could hold me prisoner with his gaze.

I ran my fingers along his chin, "This is it. When we get back, we are getting back to work. I mean normal, everyday work. Right?"

Like a little kid on Christmas day, Edward's eyes brightened, "Of course love. Work. Now how about a kiss to seal the deal?"

Now, you know someone loves you when they'll kiss you even after you have thrown up bad Chinese food. He pushed his lips toward me. I gave him my cheek.

Pulling away with a disappointed scowl, he replied, "What kind of fuckery is that?"

I pointed to my mouth, "Vomit vandalism is not attractive."

"Vomit vandalism? Good goddamn Bella, where did you learn to turn a phrase?"

"I read a lot as a child," I replied smiling.

Interrupting our playful exchange, a swift series of knocks hammered against the front door.

"That must be my father," Edward replied, untangling himself from me and practically leaping off the bed.

I neatly arranged the tousled sheets on the mattress, wrapping them around my legs, turned on my bedside light and waited.

Within a couple minutes Edward appeared in the doorway with Carlisle in tow.

Carlisle was a little more disheveled than what I was used to, but still very nicely put together for a man who was dragged out of bed at two thirty in the morning by his overly paranoid son. His hair was in slight disarray. His light green V-neck sweater and khakis was the most casual I had ever seen him in.

"Good evening, Isabella. Having some issues I hear," Carlisle smiled softly. Edward's smile.

I straightened up in bed a little, suddenly self-conscious about my appearance. Seeing his future daughter-in-law in a thin pink shorty was probably far from appropriate behavior. I pulled the sheets a little higher up into my lap.

"I think it may just be bad Chinese food," I replied, feeling the familiar heat rising to my cheeks.

"Edward, you can wait out in the hall, son," Carlisle replied looking at me, giving me a reassuring smile and sitting himself on the bed next to my side.

Edward lit up a cigarette, looking somewhat annoyed by his father's remark.

"Are you excusing me from my room? In my house?"

"Son, she's my patient."

"Dad, she's my fiancée."

Carlisle looked at me, rolled his eyes, then chuckled, "Is he always this protective?"

With a gentle hand he lifted my chin slightly to take a look at the bruises that still hammered my white skin. Carlisle ran a thumb along the marred edges delicately, squinting as if he was studying the marks with scrutiny.

"Always," I replied exchanging a secret smile with Edward who rolled his eyes in return.

In a soft tone, Carlisle began, "Did you take the sedative I prescribed yesterday, Isabella?"

I turned my glance to meet Carlisle's, "No. I thought it was unnecessary."

Carlisle sighed, "I gave you the sedative to get a good night's rest. They were necessary."

"I am not a huge fan of taking medication is all," I shrugged, giving Carlisle a look of indifference. He took a small white penlight from his black medicine bag, shining it into each eye.

"Then it isn't the medication. What time did you eat?" Clicking off the light, he looked at me expectantly.

I looked over at the clock. It was two forty-five in the morning. I had eaten over eight hours ago.

"About six o' clock."

"Abdominal cramping?"

"A little."

"Diarrhea?"

"No."

"Tired?"

"All the time. But I can rest when I'm dead."

"You keep up the schedule you and Edward do, you will be dead. Dead from exhaustion," Carlisle replied with a fatherly tone. He turned to Edward, who was still puffing on his cigarette, then continued, "Edward, how are you?"

"I'm fine."

"You have none of the symptoms I just asked Isabella?"

"None."

"Did you eat the same thing?"

"Yes, why?" I noticed a twinge of irritation within Edward's voice.

"Because if she has food poisoning and she ate the same thing as you did, and you were having the same symptoms, I could safely conclude that it was food poisoning. But because you are not sick, well, it leads me to believe Isabella is either coming down with the stomach flu, she is suffering from exhaustion, or it just has yet to hit you and she does, in fact, have food poisoning."

_Or I'm pregnant._

Carlisle snapped his bag shut, turning his attention to me, "If Edward gets sick within the next day or so, it is probably bad Chinese. If not, I believe you have a case of exhaustion. Which is what you likely have. How's your throat?"

"Sore and obviously, raspy. I sound like Red Buttons," I giggled, pushing the pregnancy card to the back of my mind.

"Yes, but at least you're here to say that, my dear." Carlisle paused, then let out a shallow breath, "Did you think about what I said…about Jacob…yesterday?"

"I'm not turning him in, Carlisle. He'll move on. He'll grant me the divorce." I looked down at my engagement ring, beginning to turn it absently.

Carlisle pinched the bridge of nose between his thumb and forefinger, letting out a heavy sigh, "Isabella, I am far from worried about the divorce. I am worried about the next woman he does that to."

My eyes snapped up to meet Carlisle's gaze, "I'm not. Jacob and I had somewhat of a volatile relationship from its conception. I could push his buttons like nobody's business."

What they didn't seem to grasp was the fact that Jacob was a gentle man. You couldn't convict a man for trying to love his wife. Hell, you couldn't convict a man for trying to make his wife happy.

_Like the time he took me on the motorcycle. In the rain._

"Isabella, I have known Jacob since he was a child-"

"Then you should know he isn't really like that, sir," I cut in with a defensive tone, jutting out my chin in defiance.

"And you should know that Edward and I know him better than anyone." Carlisle stood, collected his belongings, and then looked at Edward, "Make her rest, please. Rest is the best medicine for her right now."

I balled the sheets up with my fists in aggravation, "Excuse any disrespect Carlisle, but you don't know him like I have gotten to know him."

"Exactly, Isabella. He's a changed man." Carlisle sat back down next to me and then continued, "My dear, I have seen some of my patients coming back from the war afflicted with large bouts of depression. Jacob was one of those people. He is one of those people."

"I know. I lived with him," I replied quietly, remembering Jake's insatiable appetite for alcohol. And his incurable love for the dark places the alcohol took him.

"We're seeing the lawyer tomorrow," Edward interrupted absently.

Carlisle turned to his son, "I am more concerned about her health and safety. Not whether or not she's getting a divorce."

"For safety's sake she's getting a divorce, so everyone wins." Edward gave his father a playful smile. When Carlisle didn't return the gesture, Edward twisted his lips into a scowl.

"This is not about winning or losing. This isn't a game," Carlisle shot out in an agitated tone. His gaze was as penetrating as Edward's as it shifted from me to his son.

"I never insinuated it was, Father. I was attempting to lighten a glum conversation. We've had enough gray days around here over the past forty-eight hours to last a lifetime." Edward snubbed his dying tube of tobacco into the small ashtray on the bureau.

"You've had too many gray days? Well son, life is wrought with gray days. Get used to it." Carlisle's intensity softened only slightly, never losing its agitated edge, "He's dangerous. For both of you."

"Well, I am not putting him jail," I replied quickly. Jacob was not dangerous to anyone else other then himself.

_And you._

"You are decimating that window of opportunity, Isabella."

_If I hadn't infuriated him…hell, if I had listened to Edward, I wouldn't be in this mess._

"Don't blame her, Dad!" Edward was no longer constraining his voice.

I watched as father and son began a hardened stare down. Before the argument exploded into a full-fledged volcanic eruption I cleared my throat in a gentle manner that burned like hell.

Carlisle turned back to me, giving me a reassuring smile, "Take a few days Isabella. Take the sedative. It will help you sleep."

"We're going to Palm Springs. For a few days." Edward piped in once more.

"That sounds like a good idea. You are looking like hell." Carlisle replied sourly.

"Is that your professional opinion?" Edward retorted with a snide smile.

"It's my only opinion, now, walk me to the car, son." Carlisle turned back to me for a brief moment, "My prescription is for relaxation in Palm Springs, Isabella."

"Thank you Carlisle," I replied, watching Edward and his father walk out into the living room. I heard the front door open and shut quietly.

Nestling into the soft pillows, I allowed my memories free range of motion. Again.

_He's dangerous._

Jacob was gentle.

_Gentle? A lamb is gentle. A wolf like Jacob Black is…wild._

Troubled.

Jacob was all sorts of tangled trouble. That's what attracted me to him. I liked those types of boys though. Bad boys. The ones that had issues. The ones that were vexed and afflicted with some sort of past. In the end, all I wanted to do was fix them. Fix Jacob.

_He's dangerous for both of you._

Jacob's past was plagued with hurt. From the death of his mother to his father's injury to what he saw in Japan, it was all woven into a tapestry of suffering. Suffering I thought I could fix.

_Suffering he would not allow you to fix._

My stomach began to flip-flop in anguish again, pulling me out of my memories.

For the second time, I ran to the bathroom and vomited the final remains of my last meal.

After flushing the toilet, I sank my bottom down to the cold tiled floor, leaning my back against the cool of the porcelain tub. I allowed my head to bob backwards, resting the nape of my neck along the rounded rim.

No one knew Jacob like I did. Not anymore anyway.

_I swung open the door to find Jacob standing on the steps in his Sunday best, a large bouquet of daisies in his hand. His smile was as radiant as the sun._

_I stood in the doorway, taken aback by his presence at nine o' clock in the morning on a Friday._

_Thrusting the flowers towards me, Jacob replied with a shy smile, "I was walking this morning. Along Beverly and well…I picked these. For you."_

_I took the large tangled bunch of stems from his hand, smiling, and then buried my nose into the fragrant blooms, inhaling deeply. Pulling my face away, I replied, "They're beautiful Jake, but why'd you pick them? You can afford whole florists."_

_Jacob looked down at his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Money doesn't buy everything Bells. Especially love and romance."_

_Jacob stepped up the two stone steps that kept us apart, wrapped his arms around my waist ,and took me into a lover's embrace. His hugs were comforting. Enchanting._

_Whispering, I replied, "Love and romance are slightly dangerous Jake."_

"_Only slightly?" He cocked an eyebrow skyward leaning into me, his lips barely touching mine._

"_I'm on the edge." My voice was barely audible._

_His nose nuzzled the side of my neck. I felt his lips curve into a smile, "What can I do to push you over the edge?"_

"_Jump with me," I said breathlessly._

_Jacob's lips crashed into mine. His passionate kiss was warm and soft, his lips molding to mine without hesitation. His tongue playfully danced its way into my mouth, surprising me with his boldness. The intensity of his embrace ignited an unfamiliar spark within my belly._

_Smiling, Jacob pulled away from my stunned lips, "Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner this evening, Bells?"_

"_Why Mr. Black, it would be my pleasure," I playfully replied, a little winded._

_His kiss was…wonderful. Exciting. Truly breathtaking._

"_Dollface, the pleasure is surely all mine. Eight o' clock?" Jacob started backing down the stairs, his grin broadening with each step._

"_Eight o'clock," I replied, still shocked and shaken by his kiss._

"_Enjoy those flowers, Bells!"_

_I brought the flower petals back to my face, giving Jacob Black a coy wave and a smile._

_He was a good, sweet man. No Edward Cullen. But a good man none the less. Any girl would be proud to have him on her arm._

_Truly a good man._

Yes, there was good in Jacob Black.

He just needed us to help him find his way again.

"Bella, love, you're exhausted," Edward whispered as he placed my body between the cool sheets.

I felt Edward climb into bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"He's not dangerous, Edward. You know this," I whispered in sleepy slumber.

"Shhh…another time, love. Just sleep." Edward's lips pressed into the crown of my head.

_Edward was a good man._

"I love you Edward."

_A better man._

"As I will always love you, Bella."

_My kismet._

My heavy eyelids dimmed the pale moonlight as my exhaustion finally piqued. A black shroud of dreamless slumber finally prevailed.

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks for reading another episode of The Pin-up Girl...leave me some lovin'... Smooches & Stars, dah-lings ;) XOXOX_**

**_~Cozzy_**


	29. Chapter 28

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…Merry Christmas, baby sis ;)**_

_**Thank You: To those who have loved me and stuck by me in this journey this year, I extend my deepest thanks. I'm not going to name any names because you all know who you are (and typically when I start a list, someone will get left out and I so don't want to leave anyone out because you are all special to me). I love you more then you know for beta'ing for me, for leaving me reviews that lift my spirits and first and foremost, for reading.**_

_****_

Dedication: This is so important to me…please read….

_**RIP Brittany Murphy, another shining star that burned out too soon. My story, though small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, is dedicated to those talents who went before their time. Ms. Murphy this one's for you…Marilyn Monroe kisses, baby. You're living with the legends now…amongst the true stars.**_

_**~Chapter Twenty-eight (BPOV)~**_

Typically, succumbing to the darkness was easy. When my life was unusually difficult, I could close my eyes and let the sand in the hourglass fall.

That is, until my sleep became plagued with nightmares.

After my mother left me, my unconscious would torment me just as much as when my eyes were wide open. Everywhere I would turn, I would see her sad, smiling face.

When sleep would allow me to embrace it, one unrelenting nightmare would replay like a horror flick on a continuous loop. Again and again, I would awaken to feelings of loneliness and despair.

I was six. Rosy-cheeked and happy.

Renee was beautiful, as usual. Her hair would be loose and blowing in the breeze, her pink summer dress billowing around her in an unmarked countryside.

I would be standing with her on a small hill, watching the flowers teeter to and fro in the wind when a black set of clouds would begin to make their way across the bright blue sky.

And there she stood with me, holding my hand and protecting me from the impending darkness, her confidence never wavering as I would scream for her to run.

Finally, the foreboding clouds and gloom would sweep over us, tearing me from her grasp and as I would fumble feebly for her hand, she would smile.

So sweetly, yet so wrought in sadness. That was the smile she saved for me.

My smile.

Her eyes would meet mine and she would say, "Isabella….sweet, Isabella. I have to go."

And I would cry. Scream. Reach for her. Plead with her not to go. Not to leave me.

She would smile again and reply, "You won't amount to much here, darling."

That is when the storm would engulf me and take me away from her.

Forever.

I always woke up trembling and covered in sweat, my heart beating like the hooves of a thousand race horses against a wet track. And to add insult to injury, I would be alone.

In bed. Alone.

That nightmare happened to be a constant in my life.

At least, ever since the day my mother abandoned me in pursuit of a life she never had with me and my father.

My mother was always chasing delusions of grandeur when she should have been content with what she had in front of her.

_Me. My father. Our life as a family._

Since Edward, the affliction of that nightmare had ceased to exist and I was graced with incredible dreams.

Dreams of a family, a home, being a good wife.

Clouds of non-existent memories danced around in my head.

The clock chiming five o' clock. Six smiling faces sitting in wait as I flittered out of the kitchen with a huge pot roast. Edward at the head of a table, a large grin turning the corners of his mouth as I put out a bigger-then-life platter for him to admire. Me shedding my princess apron and sitting down, watching the faces of all my children as Edward carved each one a slice of beef.

_You're a sap, Swan._

My own piece of heaven.

_It could happen._

The smell of bacon woke me from my little piece of a Norman Rockwell painting.

_The likelihood of meatballs falling out of the sky is more apt to happen. _

It could happen…

_Just like your mother…chasing delusions of grandeur._

I sighed heavily as I looked over at the tabletop alarm clock, delicately rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

Eleven o' clock in the morning was definitely too early to be hitting the fantasy card.

I was a pin-up girl, not a wife nor a mother. I was on everyone's wall, in every boy's locker, and on every man's mind.

_Didn't anything Edward told you worth listening to, Swan? You're not just a pin-up to him. You're his everything. Right down to the air he breathes. And you saw it in his eyes. You SAW it. Hell, a blind man could have seen it.  
_

The large rock that sat on my finger gently scraped my face as I stretched. It was the reminder I needed.

I brought the ring into my view, admiring its beauty. Yes, I would be a wife. Edward's wife. The mother of his children.

A broad smile overtook my features as I thought of all the children. Running to and fro. The flights of giggles. The love.

For a brief moment, I allowed the thought of a possible pregnancy drift back into my mind. All symptoms led to the inevitable, but until the rabbit died, I had no intention of holding my breath. I would wait for Dr. Cullen to tell me.

Then I would have to tell Edward. How would he fare with the news?

_He would shit a solid gold brick, Swan. Like any man._

Edward wasn't 'any man'. He was a man who wanted it as much as I did.

I sighed. The biggest obstacle was not telling Edward I was pregnant, if in fact I was. The biggest task was a little more daunting then that.

Getting out of this lifestyle would be one of great difficulty for in fact, like every other Hollywood novelty, I was addicted.

I lazily dragged myself out of bed, slipping my pink satin robe over my sheer nightdress. Lighting up a cigarette, I walked over to the window to admire the precious white roses that peeked over the bedroom window sill. Just as I approached, the last dew drop of the morning fell to its impending doom from a rose petal to the ground.

Celebrity and prosperity to Hollywood's elite was like sugar to an ankle-biter.

Even though you didn't want it, you had to have it. And once you got it, you couldn't live without it.

The flashbulbs popping and crashing from the clamoring throngs of reporters. The notoriety from your face being plastered across magazines from here to Timbuktu. Your name and face was a subject spoken in every household in America during dinnertime.

I pushed the window open scaring off a small sparrow from a nearby tree. The air was warm and still. Summertime had arrived.

Snubbing out my freshly lit smoke, I closed my eyes breathing in the freshness of the late morning.

Anyone who said they didn't adore the adoration was a liar. They wouldn't be in this business if they were not interested in the fame.

_Fame and money._

I could never forget the money. The green stuff was the perk.

Cars. Jewelry. Clothing. Shoes. Trips. Whatever your heart desired was within the reach of your fingertips.

Stretching my arms high above my head I attempted to reach for the ceiling, like I used to as a child. It was the ultimate fail-safe for getting out kinks from a restless night's sleep and it was sure to get out any knots from a decent night's sleep.

The smell of bacon was sharp and sudden as I continued to stretch. Edward was in the room.

With breakfast.

I smiled, opening my eyes to find a plate under my nose.

"Hungry?"

My arms drifted back to my sides, my mouth unconsciously curving into a grin.

I turned to greet his casual voice to be met with his gorgeous self adorned in wool slacks and a tight white undershirt holding two identical plates of food. He looked like a waiter. One plate was meticulously balanced on his arm and the other was precariously teetering on his hand.

Gripping his morning cigarette between his teeth, a playful smirk gracing his talented mouth, he ran his free hand through his hair as my smile penetrated him.

"I'm famished." I replied as I graciously took one of the plates out of his hand.

I quickly took a bite of the crispy bacon that taunted me relentlessly. It was phenomenal bacon. Crisp and light and fried to perfection. I swallowed the bits with satisfaction.

"You look like you're in ecstasy, Bella." Edward snubbed out his smoke in an ashtray, broke off a small piece of bacon and popped it in his own mouth, grinning.

"Bacon is my downfall. I love bacon." I gushed as I threw the remaining piece of deep fried meat into my mouth.

He chuckled, "I see that. Note to self. Always keep bacon in the house."

I bent down, kissed him on the nose, and then sat down beside him. For a few moments we ate in comfortable silence.

Edward cleared his throat, "I spoke to my father last night about something."

"Oh, really? And what would that have been about?" I picked up a piece of scrambled egg with my fork, popping it into my mouth, chewing carefully.

_If you were a betting woman, Swan, you would place ten bucks on the pregnancy card right about now…_

Edward took in a large breath, sitting in silence, looking down at his plate.

I studied his perplexed face.

I hated silence. It was always deafening.

_Ten bucks, Swan…_

"Baby? Are you alright?" Concern gripped my sides. I placed the plate on the floor.

Edward looked up at me, forcing a smile. He stood up, placed his plate on the dresser and fished around his pant pocket for his pack of cigarettes. Finding them, he shook two out and lit them both, giving one to me.

Something was plaguing him.

_Pregggggg…naaaaannnnnnn…cccccyyyyyyyy!_

Edward chuckled, "Funny you should mention baby…he thinks you might be…expecting."

_DING! DING! DING! Yes, folks, we have a winner!_

My stomach plummeted one-hundred feet and splattered on a ravine floor. Keeping it together, I replied, "Pardon me?"

Edward took another drag. As he exhaled his grin became wider, "Pregnant. He thinks you're pregnant. With a baby."

I wrapped one hand around my stomach and took a long, intense drag of my cigarette. A mix of elation and fear rocked me. To hear him say it out loud made it real.

_A baby? My baby. Our baby._

"And what would you think about that?" I replied in an even tone.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Not, I don't know…just…" Edward's voice trailed off as a look of seriousness crossed his forehead.

_He wouldn't want it. He's having second thoughts._

"Just what dammit?" I replied a tad too sharply, shooting to my feet in a defensive posture.

Surprised, Edward ran his hand through his hair, "I need to know something. I need to know when the last time you had sex with Jacob was."

My eyes snapped up to meet his, "I told you! Three weeks ago but we never finished!"

"Are you sure about that?"

I scoffed crossing my arms, "I'm not an idiot Edward. I know when a man finishes. Besides I think shouting out another man's name would immediately deflate any man's erection, including his ego."

"Bella, please understand…"

The truth be known, my mind didn't understand, but my heart did. I started to internally panic. If I was pregnant and Edward didn't want it, where would I be?

_Alone._

I willed the tears not to fall and for once they agreed with me, "Before that it was four months. Four fucking months, three goddamn weeks, and three days!"

Edward's face hardened, his eyes narrowing, "I know how many weeks and days, goddammit. We went over that last night so I really don't think we need to rehash that little detail."

"Well, you're obviously insinuating that this may be Jacob's, aren't you? Besides, I want to know why your father…the one who wanted you out of our room last night to check on me, I might add, tell _you_ instead of _me_ about this little development?"

"I'm not insinuating anything. I just came right out and asked the last time Jakey-boy dipped his wick in the candle wax." Edward retorted plainly.

I felt my nostrils flare like a raging bull as I yelled, waving my hands like mad as I spoke, "And don't you dare split hairs with me! Do I look almost five months pregnant right now? NO! And I am not stupid! I know when a man is done. It's not rocket science. So, once more, why in the hell would your father have this discussion with you and not me?"

"Because I'm his son and we have gotten ourselves into an awful precarious position right now, love, if in fact, you are expecting _my_ child!" Edward's voice was irritated and elevated. He ran another hand through his hair in frustration, continuing in a more leveled tone, "He's worried, Bella. He's really worried about this. About us."

I let out a slow breath, took a long drag of my cigarette and collapsed onto the edge of the bed. I looked down at my lap as I began to wring my hands together nervously.

He had every right to ask, because, in all honesty, if it was not his baby, he wouldn't want anything to do with it.

_Or with me._

After the longest of moments passed, I heard Edward's light footfalls against the plush carpet. Within a second, he was kneeling in front of me, his eyes intently looking for mine underneath my mass blanket of brown locks. His right hand lightly brushed my cheek as he took the tube of burning tobacco from my hand with his left. He squished it into a nearby ashtray then took my hands within his.

His eyes caught mine as he replied in a soft tone, "No matter what happens, I am with you. If indeed you are pregnant, it _is_ mine. You know this."

I nodded slowly. Yes. I knew it was his. And I knew I was with child. Sweet Lord in Heaven, I knew I was expecting. I felt it in my bones to my core.

And with Edward kneeling before me, I knew I would be a wife. A mother.

Someone.

He tucked my hair behind my ears, pulling my lips to his. Within a breath's space, he whispered again, "No matter what happens, I'm with you. Forever."

"Tell me…" I whispered back as his bottom lip gently brushed mine. I closed my eyes in anticipation of his words. Butterflies swarmed my stomach as my ears lay in wait for the three words I loved to hear him say.

"I love you, Bella." Edward's lips caressed mine, his hands leaving my face, dancing their way to my shoulders. The thin satin fabric of the robe shied away from my skin. His touches aroused the semi-dormant flame within my soul.

Light kisses of passion burned their way into my skin as we crumbled back into the bed.

Before the brain function of my mind caught up with my hands, I realized we were naked and I was sitting on top of him.

It was criminal. There ought to have been a law. He was lying underneath me, so perfect. His eyes never faltering from mine. His hands roaming every slope of my body.

Electric sparks began to make my skin quiver in anticipation as his hands expertly fondled my breasts. He sat up, popping one of my pert nipples into his hot, wet mouth. A cry of ecstasy escaped my lips as I felt his teeth graze the sensitive flesh.

His hands supported my back as he continued to suckle one breast then the other.

I was thunderstruck as he made penetration. It was like standing in the midst of Central Station during rush hour within a safe protective bubble. It was a feeling of complete safety. Like nothing could touch us.

He made me feel free.

As my orgasm took over, I felt him shudder within me, his own experience enveloping him. We were sweaty, shaken, and especially content. Our bodies slowed to a harmonious symphony of movements. Both still sitting upright, Edward allowed his head to fall between my breasts.

His tongue sensuously licked at the bead trail of sweat between the two mounds of flesh before him. When he looked into my face, he gave me a wicked grin, "Feel better?"

With a playful smile I replied, "Hmmmm…what do you think? Are you feeling better?"

"After making love to my girl I think I am the happiest guy in the world right now."

I arched my back, still staying connected to him. His hands casually strolled down my sides as I positioned myself on my back between his legs, my head near his feet. I felt him slide out of me as his hands began exploring every exposed piece of skin along my abdomen.

I noticed as Edward's fingers began to trail down to my belly button, his hands beginning to take on a slow torturous crawl, drinking in the flesh as if he were studying a great science experiment. Planting a small delicate kiss along my abdomen, he whispered seriously, "You are expecting. I know it, Isabella."

"How do you know?" I inquired with a half smile, propping myself up on my elbows.

Shrugging he continued never breaking his concentration on the figure eights he was tracing into the skin with his fingertips, "I just know."

"Would you be happy if I was?" I asked not being able to help conceal the genuine eagerness that laced my own voice as I watched his dazed, faraway look.

Not being able to keep his grin contained, Edward's smile broadened, "I couldn't be happier. Nothing in the universe could break my elation."

"So you wouldn't be upset? If I were expecting, that is. You wouldn't be disappointed that it happened so soon? I mean, we should have been careful." I was blithering on and I knew it. That's what I did when I was a nervous mess. I would dither on and on about the same thing never knowing when it was appropriate to stop.

Looking up from his invisible flesh drawings, he replied, "No. Never disappointed or upset. I have waited for you for so long, Bella. I have watched you from a camera lens. My lust has grown into a love so pure only you could understand it. Only you can satiate it. This," Edward placed his hands on my belly, "Only is a confirmation of what the Greeks referred to as destiny-"

"A predetermined course of events." I breathed finishing his sentence.

"From the moment I met you. The moment I introduced myself to you, I knew we were going to be together. Do you remember that day?"

Of course I did. Like it was yesterday.

How could you forget a meeting that was forged in time by some unknown force?

Edward called it fate that day. I called it what it was.

_Destiny._

_

* * *

_

Everyday he would walk in and sit in the corner booth at eleven-thirty in the morning.

And every morning he looked the same.

Wild hair that was never tamed. Intense green eyes. Skin like marble. His suit impeccably pressed. And he always had his camera with him.

He was a reporter or something I had gathered.

I sipped at my chocolate malt seductively. Well, as seductively as I could muster trying to suck thick ice cream through a straw as I attempted to catch up on the book I was reading. I tried my damndest to read at least one book every two weeks. This time I was giving Moby-Dick a go.

Looking up from the pages of one of American literature's greatest escapades, I met eyes with Dewey, the young gentleman behind the counter, smiling at me as he wiped down the already-sanitized bar for the twentieth time. I shuddered inwardly as I returned the gesture. No use making his day poor because I couldn't offer him a smile.

Before I knew it, Dewey stood in front of me slinging the damp towel over his shoulder, "Your hamburger and fries is coming up, Isabella."

"Thanks Dewey," I mumbled flipping to the next page, not paying too much attention to the semi-attractive twenty-something in front of me.

"Hey, would you like to go out Friday night? Maybe to a movie and a burger afterwards?"

I sighed slow and deliberate just so he wouldn't hear me, placed a smile on my face and looked up at him while I closed my book.

His eyes were a crystal blue, bright and expectant. Letting down nice boys was my specialty. And that's what Dewey was. A nice boy. Dewey Johnson was sweet. Decent looking. Just not my type.

_He wasn't a bad boy._

No, he wasn't a bad boy.

_Not like Johnny Delveccio or Sal Alvarado._

No, he was not Johnny or Sal. Thank God.

I smiled sweetly, "I am so sorry Dewey but I already have a prior engagement."

"With who?" Dewey looked hurt. His eyes looked so sad. Like I had just broken his brand new toy.

"With me." A smooth voice replied behind me.

I spun around to meet those eyes. That wild hair. The impeccable suit.

"Mr. Edward Cullen." Tall and handsome replied handing me a crisp white piece of cardstock.

I studied the card in surprise running my finger over the raised black ink.

_Edward Cullen, Photographer_

"Mr. Cullen, how very nice to see you here." I replied crossing my legs. He took my hand delicately into his, shaking it with purpose.

"May I?" he motioned to the empty seat next to me.

"Of course,"

Dewey was forgotten. Sal and Johnny were a distant memory. Edward Cullen was now at the forefront of my thoughts as he made himself comfortable in the seat next to me.

Mr. Cullen's voice dropped to a whisper as his head leaned into mine, "You're not from around here are you?"

"No," I whispered back with a giggle than continued, "Thank you by the way. I thought my number was up with that one."

"You looked like you were shocked he wasn't taking no for an answer," Mr. Cullen chided with a teasing grin.

"I guess I'm losing my touch." I teased back.

Shaking his head, never losing his grin, he took out a pack of cigarettes and shook one out. When he noticed my stare, he replied, "My apologies, would you care for one?"

"Yes, thank you." I acknowledged with a slight nod and a half grin. Mr. Cullen shook out another tube of tobacco.

I took it gingerly between my red-painted lips. With a sense of confidence, Mr. Cullen slid open a silver Zippo and lit my cigarette.

As he put the lighter on the counter he motioned to my thick book, "Moby-Dick?"

"An American classic."

"Herman Melville's highly regarded but also quite misunderstood novel about a whale, a captain, and a sailor named Ishmael."

"Something like that," I chuckled as Dewey set my lunch in front of me. I took another drag off of my smoke, picking up a French fry with my free hand. I continued, "Melville is the classic American author of a wonderful piece of literature."

"Really?" Mr. Cullen took the liberty of picking up a French fry from my plate, popping it into his mouth. Smug little thing, wasn't he?

"He employed stylized language, the use of a metaphor and symbolism to explore complex themes of the human psyche. It's about a journey of one man and what his place is in the universe. His destiny."

"Let's not forget to fully disclose Melville's intricate weaving of narrative through Shakespearean literary devices such as stage directions and extended soliloquies." He responded popping another fried potato into his mouth, grinning. Mr. Cullen flicked his long trail of ash into a nearby ashtray taking another drag in between swallowing his fry.

_What a goddamn sexy grin…_

Finally realizing his teasing tone, I responded, "Are you poking fun at me, Mr. Cullen?"

"Love, I don't even know your name?"

I extended my hand once more, "Isabella. Isabella Swan."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Ms. Swan. Forgive me, but I had somewhat of an ulterior motive this afternoon for introducing myself to you."

"Ulterior motive? You mean you didn't just come over here to talk about a great American classic?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Mr. Cullen chuckled. The sound made my knees buckle. And I wasn't even standing.

He cleared his throat, "As you can see by my card, I'm a photographer. Freelance. I'd like to take your photograph. If I may be so bold, I have been watching you for the past week. You have a natural talent that I would like to see captured on film, if I may."

"This is a line right? A ploy?" I giggled at the thought. I had to give the man credit for the cleverness of his lead in. To be honest, I had never had someone tell me they were a photographer before.

"No, Miss Swan. You can peruse my work in Life magazine, Harper's Bazaar, and so forth. I also take pictures of cheese cake models. Pin-ups are actually my specialty."

I studied Mr. Cullen's face for a full minute before I looked back at the card, "You are not joking are you?"

"No ma'am, I'm not. I can't promise you anything. Just a few pictures. But I think I can sell it. At least to the Sears-Roebuck catalogue."

I hopped off the bar stool, grabbed a nearby pencil, and scrawled my number on the back of the card, handing it back to him.

"Look, if you're serious, tell me where to go. I don't make a whole lot of money and I am coming to realize this is an expensive place to live. My number is on the back of your card."

Mr. Cullen stood up as I bustled around my purse for my gloves, "You know Ms. Swan, I have a distinct feeling this was our fate. Meeting like this."

I shoved my hands into my black wrist length gloves, and then held out my hand, giving him another teasing smile, "Fate's definition is something that unavoidably involves a person. Typically the word fate is associated with words like death and destruction. Destiny on the other hand is a predetermined and quite inevitable course of events."

His lips curved into another sexy half smile, "Then we were _destined_ to meet, Ms. Swan."

"Better." I said smugly, turning on my heel, praying that I didn't trip on the way out. My whole point was to leave the man wanting more. This was a man I wanted to notice me.

As I walked past the open window near his original seat, I watched him shake his head, smile and mouth the word destiny as he looked at the back of the card.

I wanted Edward Cullen, the photographer, to want me.

And indeed, I would make sure of it.

* * *

We stood in front of Seth Clearwater's office door staring at the bold black letters of his name for what was probably a full five minutes.

I was nervous. With valid reason.

As soon as I walked through that door, I knew I had to meet my past demons again. I knew I had to explain the intensity of my relationship with Jacob. And finally, if I was expecting Edward Cullen's child, I knew I would have to do this divorce proceeding as quietly and as quickly as possible.

"Are you going in or are we just going to stand out here all day?" Crystal tapped her foot impatiently.

Edward snapped his head around to face her, "Give her a moment, for Pete's sake?"

I watched Crystal's eyes narrow to slits, but her mouth curled into a smirk, "Who's Pete and why would we be doing any of this for his sake?"

Edward rolled his eyes at her, "Shut up. For once shut up."

It was like watching two children fight. Irritating.

This was the second time Edward and Crystal had been in the same room and it seemed that they had this love/hate relationship.

"I don't shut up, I grow up and when I look at you, I throw up." Crystal replied in a mocking sing-song tone.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Edward shook out a cigarette, then quickly lit it, before he continued in an exasperated tone, "Bella, really? I cannot believe you asked her to come! It's like talking to a child!"

They loved to hate each other.

"Well, I do declare! I think I have stumped Mr. Cullen in the Smart-Ass department!" Crystal replied in a whispery southern drawl that would melt the toes off of an Eskimo in the midst of a blizzard.

_They would come around. _

Through clenched teeth, I turned to both of them, seething, "Please! For the love of God, be quiet!"

Both of them knew I meant business because as if on cue, they both pursed their lips into tight lines. Crystal's mocking behavior ceased as Edward straightened his suit jacket and ran a hand through his wind-tousled hair.

I grabbed the doorknob, turned gently and walked into the obscure office of Seth Clearwater.

The clicking of nails against typewriter keys stopped abruptly as we walked into the small room. A painting of a hillside and flowers adorned the wall behind the shadow of a tiny, somewhat well-endowed secretary dressed in a smart all black Don Loeper. Several dark grey metal filing cabinets lined the opposing wall, while a large window shed a warm beam of sunshine into the room.

The three of us stood there staring at the smiling secretary. I put my own smile in place, extending my hand to her. The woman stood up showing off her beautiful figure with certain warmth exuding from her lips.

"Ms. Swan, I assume?" The short-haired blonde woman replied in a quiet but firm and business-like tone.

"Yes, I have a two o' clock with Mr. Clearwater."

"Let me tell him you're here." She replied politely.

Edward, Crystal and I looked around for a couch, but there wasn't one. We stood there for a moment as the woman, without knocking, walked into Mr. Clearwater's office, mumbling something only he could understand.

Turning her attention back to us, she replied with a wave of her hand, "Mr. Clearwater will see you now, Ms. Swan."

Once out of the cold exterior of the small office, we walked into a larger, warmer atmosphere. No pictures adorned these inner sanctum walls; they were just painted a light hue of beige to accentuate the cherry wood desk a definitively handsome man sat behind.

His smile was enough to light up the room, as he stood, walking from behind the over-sized desk, "Well, I'll be damned! I never thought I would see the day when Edward Cullen would walk through my office door!"

I looked over at Edward who had a large grin on his face as Mr. Clearwater grabbed his hand into a rough handshake.

"How are you doing Seth?" Edward replied. He pulled out of Seth's grasp and motioned to me, "This, my friend, is Isabella Swan."

Mr. Clearwater took my hand into a much gentler handshake, "Pleasure to meet you Ms. Swan."

"Isabella. Please call me Isabella." I replied giving him a genuine smile, "This is a friend of mine, Crystal Parker."

Seth released my hand and politely took Crystal's into his, "Ms. Parker. It is a pleasure."

"Of course it is sugah." Crystal replied smoothly.

Edward looked over, "He's married."

I small childish snort escaped my lips as Crystal shot Edward a dirty look.

Edward looked at me, shrugging, "I know what she's thinking."

Chuckling, Seth sat at his desk, took out a legal pad of paper and a pen from his desk drawer, making himself comfortable in his leather high-backed chair. Motioning for us to sit, he took a deep breath, scratching something on the paper in the top margin.

We sat, and waited for him to begin.

He put his pen down, folded his hands together and started, "My understanding from my sister is that you would like to begin divorce proceedings against Jacob Black. And I was informed that you would like to be legally separated by close of business today. Is this true Isabella?"

I straightened my posture, crossed my legs, and began to take off my white gloves, "Mr. Clearwater-"

"Seth. Please." He interrupted. I blushed crimson when he noticed my slight look of discomfort.

He started again, "Isabella, by the time we are done, first names will not be the only intimate details I will know of you. I feel that starting off this session with first names, number one breaks the ice. Number two, by the end of all this I will know more things about you and your marriage than anyone. It's best to be honest from the beginning."

I cleared my throat, looking at Edward for support. He smiled encouragingly at me, linking his fingers into mine.

"Seth, I don't know where to begin…"

Seth leaned forward. His jet black hair was meticulously combed into a smooth style that reminded me of Jacob. His skin was tanned and cleanly shaven and he had a twinkle in his eye that would put anyone at ease to tell him everything.

And I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to unload the hell that Jacob bestowed on me for six months. I wanted this divorce more than anything.

"Can I be candid? With all of you?" Seth scanned our faces with a knowing eye.

"Of course." Edward replied.

"I have seen Jacob within the past forty-eight hours."

"You…You have seen him? Isn't that a conflict of interest Seth?" I replied in shock.

He had seen Jacob. He already talked to him. Seth Clearwater wasn't going to help me.

Seth must have seen my fear because he held up his hands and immediately chuckled lightly, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Isabella…hang on there…let me explain."

The room was spinning and I was the only thing standing still. I closed my eyes lightly for a half of a second trying to regain my composure.

Seth opened up a large drawer behind his desk, pulling out a large bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey and four glasses. I watched him line them up in a row and pour us all half full glasses.

Crystal picked one up and smiled, "I like him already, Bells. See? A lawyer that serves drinks I can trust. Almost implicitly. And you know I don't trust anyone."

I picked up a glass and took a sip. The liquid strength he had served me was relaxing, if nothing else. Edward followed suit.

Seth drank down half of the alcohol in his glass then continued, "Now that I have been a gentleman, introduced myself and served you a drink to knock out any, if not all nervous behavior, I will continue."

Edward sat forward as if intrigued, "Yes, I'd like to hear why you saw him, when you knew you would be seeing Isabella."

Seth locked eyes with me rather then Edward, "Isabella, Jacob is sorry. He wanted to see me so that hopefully you can resolve this matter and go home to him."

"He's sorry?" I croaked out finding strength in the glass Seth handed to me, "He strangled me. Did he tell you that little pertinent piece of information when he told you he was sorry?"

"He apologized for that first and foremost, Isabella."

"So based on that, she should go running back into the arms of a man she doesn't love?" Edward was obviously highly agitated.

"Edward, please. This is a relationship between a man and his wife. Maybe you and Ms. Parker should step outside while I speak with Isabella?"

"And maybe I should tell you all the things he's done to this woman?" Edward stood up, gripping his glass with white knuckle strength.

I placed my hand on his pulsing forearm, bringing him back into the chair. What Edward knew was only the tip of the iceberg.

Seth cleared his throat once again, "Now that we have that out of our system, we can move on? Isabella, he is a tortured man. He has his own personal demons that he wants to work through with you-"

"Sure. I assume working through them on her neck was a part of the therapy he needs?" Crystal blurted. She stood up in disgust, storming towards the office door. As she gripped the doorknob, she replied, "Unless a lobotomy is scheduled for Jacob, I'll be down at the drugstore on the corner nursing a vanilla shake. I can't take this bullshit any longer."

With that, Crystal walked out.

Edward stood up, frustrated. He ran his hand through his hair, shoving the other hand in his pocket pacing back and forth a few times like a caged lion ready to pounce.

As I watched Edward wear an invisible path into the carpet I realized one thing: I should have never brought them with me. This was something I should have done alone.

Edward puffed on his cigarette, deep in thought, still pacing the short three foot distance between his chair and the door of the office. The only way out.

_Fix this, Swan. Tell Seth about Edward. Tell Seth what Jacob has done to you._

I turned back to Seth, "Seth…I need you to understand something. I love Edward. It's always been him. I don't love Jacob. I never truly did. And he knows that. Why would he want to be with a woman who doesn't love him?"

"Because he has lost so much already. What I saw lying in that hospital bed was a broken man very determined to win you back Isabella. And he is within his right as a husband. And I must say, at some point, you did love him. It wasn't just the child you were expecting. A part of you loved him."

My eye twitched. The mask was beginning to crumble. Slowly.

In a small quiet voice, I replied, "I used to think I loved him. I convinced myself I loved him. Then with the loss of the baby it made it worse and he was drinking all the time and that made our relationship more…more…volatile."

My hands shook slightly as I continued to blurt, "And I am bad for him, Seth. He's even worse for me. And I was pregnant…don't you understand? He told me if I didn't marry him I would be looked at as a whore."

I was babbling uncontrollably. A comforting touch on my shoulder brought me back to reality. Looking up, I saw Edward's jaw lock into its determined stature as he gave me the look I needed to see. His support.

"My relationship with Jacob has dissolved itself. I won't sit here and be told I don't have a right to anything and as a husband he has every right to ask me to come home to him and work things out It's no longer my home, Mr. Clearwater."

Seth cleared his throat, sitting back in his chair as I turned to leave, "Look, Isabella, it is very difficult to grant a divorce. As a matter of fact only about three percent of America is divorced as we speak…"

I stood up, beginning to ready myself to leave, and then continued, "It looks like we won't have a need for your services in the future. I was told you understood matters such as these. It looks to me I was misinformed."

"Isabella, please wait a moment. You mustn't misunderstand me. I know where you are coming from, but if you had seen what I had seen you would know he is…broken."

"He was broken when I met him. He was broken when we were married. To see him broken is not unusual for me, Mr. Clearwater."

Seth sighed heavily. The skin between his eyebrows creased in thought. After a few moments, Seth replied, scratching some notes on his pad of paper, "We have to be able to prove his philandering ways, Isabella. Do you know how difficult that can be?"

I heard Edward's voice behind me, "Extreme cruelty. What he has done to her in the past can be construed as cruelty. That's grounds for divorce."

"Did you take photographs of your neck without the make-up Isabella?"

"I'll take care of that when we get home." Edward replied evenly catching my gaze. He smiled at me reassuringly.

"Adultery can be hard to prove, but I am positive we will be able to accomplish that…especially after I saw Jacob was not alone in the hospital room." Seth replied still writing.

My head snapped up, "What?"

Never leaving his tablet of paper, Seth replied casually, "The dame who was with him. Um…I believe her name was Amy Jo. One of his clients."

"She was with him?" I asked intrigued.

Seth stopped and looked up at me, "Do you know her?"

I shook my head, "No. Never heard of her. I am just surprised is all."

"Why would you be surprised Jacob had a visitor?" Edward inquired with a raised eyebrow.

I looked up sharply at Edward's confused mug, "Because in times of crisis Jacob prefers to be alone with a bottle."

Seth shrugged, "Maybe, just as you have found your new beau, so has Jacob."

"Jacob has no loyalty. Not even to a goddamn dog." I replied dismissing the prospect of Jacob being serious about anything.

"Let's meet in a couple weeks. I will work on this and phone you when I find something. In the meantime, I will inform you that he will be making contact with you. At least that was the impression he gave me when I saw him. So prepare yourselves."

"He has to get through me first." Edward replied tightly.

"Just don't kill anybody, Edward. I saw what you did to him. I'm not defending you in a murder trial." Seth began to chuckle but his eyes told another story. He was serious.

I extended my hand, "It was nice to meet you Seth. And thank you."

"Again, Isabella. The pleasure was mine. I will be contacting you as soon as I know something."

As we left the office of Seth Clearwater, my mind raced with information.

_Divorce can only be granted by proven adultery._

Check. Jacob was guilty of that one.

_Or cruelty._

Check. Check. Guilty of that one too. I had the marks to prove it.

_You were cruel to him too. And he will play that card, Swan. _

As we approached the drugstore that Crystal said she would be at, my mind took me to that pretty countryside hill from my dreams.

It wasn't my mother I was standing with anymore.

Edward looked down at me as he pulled the heavy glass door open for me. He gave me a reassuring smile as I made my way past him into the cool diner.

The impending black clouds were coming. I could see them coloring the horizon of my life.

But this time, I wasn't with someone who would let me go without a fight.

* * *

After a quick lunch and some small talk, the decision was made to go back to the house and have a small get together for the evening. Edward convinced me that surrounding ourselves with family and some close friends and colleagues would be the medicine that was needed to get out of the bad moods we had all acquired.

Excited and full of new hope, the three of us pulled up the driveway to the house, where another stone was thrown creating a chink in my already-damaged armor.

The scene we came home to began to unfold in thin, fragile onion layers.

All I could hear was the pounding of my heart. The endless light-hearted chatter had become muted. It was like sound was sucked out of the atmosphere.

I felt Edward stop the car, throw it into park and sigh, "And so it begins."

On the front porch stood Jacob Black, bruised and broken, dressed in a pair of Levi's and a tight black T-shirt, his motorcycle leaning against a tall white pillar, his face twisted in a pathetic expression.

In his hand: a bushel of daisies, which he knew were my favorite.

The heartstrings of my soul began strangling my heart.

* * *

_**A/N: Favorite lines? Favorite parts? T**__**ell me...**_


	30. Chapter 29

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…always ;) You big-ass LIAR! (And I say that with love, even though you may smell like beef & cheese…BUAHAHAHAHA!)**_

_**My Bunnies: Everybody knows that, on occasion, I write in one of my Bunnies. Those gals who are fucking unbelievable here on the FFFW. So between this week and the last time I posted (Chapter 6), my Bunny List has grown yet again and inspired two wonderful characters….Dazzy & Maimu, welcome, my sweet things. ;) **_

_**Dazzy was my inspiration for "Amy Jo Jacobson" who made her solid appearance in Chapter 28 & Maimu was my inspiration for "Maimu", Bella's fashion aficionado & one of Alice's good friends and colleagues. **_

_**I am so fucking excited about these two new characters and I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed writing them. ;)**_

_**And you know, life would be incomplete without a Playlist ;)**_

_**The Beatles – Oh! Darlin' (A song from Jacob's POV)**_

_**Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals – Lifeline (A song from Jacob's POV)**_

_**Jack Johnson – Sexy Plexi**_

_**The Fratelli's – Chelsea Dagger**_

_**~Chapter 29 (BPOV)~  
**_

I'm not sure how long I sat there gawking at Jacob's pitiful stature, but Crystal and Edward soon gave me the scissors I needed to release the invisible noose strings that were suffocating me.

_WHAP!_

My head went flying into the hard dashboard, sending me careening back into reality.

"Son-of-a-bitch! Can you hold your horses, Crystal? Jesus! I'm recovering from being strangled to death. Now I have to see Dr. Cullen for the damn goose egg you just put on my head!" I rubbed at the spot where the hard dash had made contact with my skin.

Ascertaining the situation, Crystal replied hotly, "I thought knocking some sense into that noggin of yours was necessary since Mr. Wonderful over here was just staring at your reaction instead of actually _doing _something about it."

Edward turned around swiftly, "Your dulled sense of humor astounds me, Ms. Parker. It's a wonder you're not married."

"Your dulled senses astound me, period, Mr. Cullen! She's looking like tree sap running its way down the bark of a great oak tree in the middle of a winter snowstorm and you just sit there waiting for something to happen."

"What am I supposed to do?" Edward yelled.

"Hello? I'm still in the car?" I was annoyed that they were talking about me like I wasn't even there.

"Really! Both of you are sitting there like fools!" Crystal yelled as she attempted to push the front seat further forward so she could get out of the car. As her hand gripped the handle of the door, I placed my hand over hers. If Crystal had her way with Jake he'd be dead on the sidewalk in a matter of minutes.

"Give me five minutes," I replied delicately, looking over at Edward's tightened jaw.

Looking back to Crystal I repeated myself in the same slow stern voice that was barely a whisper, "Just five minutes."

Crystal's hand pulled away from my touch, "I'll give you five seconds."

"You've got three minutes to get rid of him Bella. You don't get rid of him, you better call Seth," Edward responded in a tight tone, his eyes never leaving Jake's dilapidated figure in front of the house.

I brought my attention back to him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Edward's intense eyes could have burned holes into my soul as he turned to face me, replying in a stony whisper, "I'll need a defense attorney."

"For two," Crystal whispered in an equally frosty tone, sitting back in the seat and crossing her arms.

I shook my head and opened the passenger side door with a slight smile, "You two are cracked, you know that?"

Edward leaned over the front seat as I stepped out of the car, "Those three minutes start now."

"And don't think I ain't timin' him!" Crystal bellowed as I slammed the door in their faces.

I sighed, pulled myself up to my full height, and walked with purpose towards Jake.

_Three minutes Swan. You better work this out._

I could do this. I could talk to him. Get him to give me what I wanted. I had always been able to do that with men.

Jacob caught my glance and rushed towards me, nearly tripping over his own two feet as he shoved the blooms in my face.

I stopped short as the dainty white petals brushed the tip of my nose.

Before I could get a word out Jacob rushed, "Bells, I've been waiting here for an hour and I've been thinking about what happened a couple nights ago…and well, we need to talk and I need you to hear me out, sweetheart."

"Jacob, please…don't attempt to do this."

"Bells, come on. You know when I drink and when you drink…things just…happen."

I took a step back from him, fussing around in my clutch for my handkerchief. Something to grip onto so I wouldn't slap him. I gave a sour laugh, "Is that what you called the other night Jacob? Something that _just happened_?"

The flowers slipped from my eye level down to his side, sending the unwrapped stems to the ground next to him. Jacob's voice softened once more, "Isabella, I am so very sorry."

I looked up sharply, narrowing my eyes at him, "Would you have been even sorrier if I were dead? You almost killed me the other night! Please excuse me if I am not as forgiving as you would like me to be."

My hands were shaking. Where in the hell was that handkerchief?

_Cigarettes will do too, Swan._

I felt the hard box of Chesterfield's under my grasp when Jacob's large hands covered my clumsy ones in a gentleman's maneuver. My hands calmed immediately at his touch. His hands were warm and rough with callous. The way I remembered them. The sign of a working man. The sign of hard work.

_And irrevocable pain.  
_

I took a deep breath, feeling the air rush into my lungs. Lilac was blooming somewhere in the distance. Suddenly lost in the rich fragrance, I felt his rough fingertips leave my hands and touch the skin of my cheekbone. The faint scent of motor oil intertwined with the flowers. The aura reminded me of what Jacob and I once were. Two very different forces of nature bound to each other by an implication of circumstance.

He whispered once more, "Please Isabella. We can make this work. You and me. Come home with me. Jump on this bike and come home to me."

Looking over at his bike made me remember the good things about Jacob. The gentleness he was capable of. The tenderness he could muster when he wasn't drinking.

_His hands were still hot, even in the freezing February downpour. _

_My hair was plastered down the side of my face, my dress was a mess and he still looked at me with those puppy dog eyes as we danced slow and sensuously under the overbearing oak tree._

"_All I need is to love you, Bells. You have taken a broken man and fixed him. You've put the pieces back together and I love you for that."_

_The rain dripped mercilessly from his ebony locks down his cheeks. I didn't know if he was crying or if it was just the rain. _

_I traced his cheeks with my thumbs. I wanted him to kiss me. In the rain. _

_I pulled his head close to mine, "Jacob?"_

"_Yes, Isabella?" His voice was low and rough as we continued to move to the only sound in the world at that moment. Our heartbeats._

"_Kiss me."_

_I closed my eyes as Jacob leaned in slowly, brushing his tender lips against mine. They were so soft and so warm. It was an invitation into his world. _

_And I accepted._

_Our kiss deepened into a languorous dance of passion. And the deeper it got, the more of him I needed._

_And that's what he was. A need, not a want. I needed Jacob to fill the void in my heart. I needed him for his emotional band-aids and his attention. I needed him for his generous love that he was so willing to give me._

_A love no one else was willing to give me. _

_A love that I wanted._

I shook myself out of a myriad of memories as I heard the door to Edward's car swing open. I was unsure if it were Crystal or Edward. It didn't matter. Three minutes were up.

I shook my head as Edward's familiar scent engulfed my senses, bringing me back to where I wanted to be.

_Safe._

"I can't. I'm in love with him Jake. I always will be. He's my angel. My destiny." I looked up at Jake's torn face. It was like I had sucker punched him in the stomach. Twice.

His deep brown pools of chocolate snapped shut in a pained expression of torment. His fingertips clenched into a fist by my cheekbone, and then fell lazily to his side.

Bringing his head up and opening his eyes, he looked at me with tears running down his cheeks, "You're my wife, Isabella. _My wife_. When I said till death do us part, I meant it. I will love you until my death."

Jacob's hands cupped my face forcing me to look at him as he continued, "I have lost everything Bells. I can't lose you too. You're my lifeline. You keep me sane, babydoll. In my world of insanity, you're my calm. The thing that keeps me together."

Crystal-like tears dripped off of his cheeks like snow melting off of a polar icecap in the middle of Antarctica.

I closed my eyes. Jacob had never cried in front of me. Ever. And if I looked at him now, I would crumble. Because when all is said and done, at the end of the day, he still owned a piece of my heart.

_But Edward owns even that piece. He has made it his, Swan._

Jacob was nothing more than a weigh station in my love life. Just like the others. A place to hang my hat until my train came in.

"I am not your 'calm' Jake. I am the fuel to the flame. Nothing more."

He shook his head vehemently, "No. You and I…we're more than that. What we have is so goddamn special…I just can't lose you. I can't."

I knew this would hurt the most, but I was hoping it would drive the point home, "You lost me before you had me Jacob. My heart has always belonged to Edward."

"I told you in the beginning I would change that. I would show you how great we could be together."

"Jake, you were trying to force something-"

"You said it was fate, Bells!"

I pulled out of his grasp, retrieving my cigarettes from my black bag, "I never said that Jake. You said that. You said that when I was expecting. You said fate brought us the child, that it was fate speaking to us."

"That's right. Why would God bring a baby into our lives-"

I shook out a cigarette, balancing it between my index and middle finger.

Flicking the end nervously with my thumb I replied in a calm tone of conviction, "Because sometimes God brings people into your life to make you see things you didn't want to see. To make you believe things you didn't want to believe, and to make you trust no one so you can learn to trust yourself. And maybe, just maybe…" I looked down at the unlit tube of tobacco while I continued, "…maybe Edward and I didn't do what we should have done months ago. Maybe the loss of our child brought Edward and I closer together. Maybe that was its destiny, Jacob."

Jacob's eyes narrowed as I felt Edward's arm wrap around my shoulders into a protective stance. He backed away from us, nearly stumbling into the first step of Edward's porch.

"Then what was the baby's purpose for me?" Jacob's voice elevated with each word.

I shrugged, "Maybe it was a sign for you to get help…"

"You were my help, Isabella. YOU. I need you, don't you see that?"

"It's time to go Jacob." Edward's voice was rigid and intense. I could only imagine the glare he was giving Jacob.

"You're my wife, Bells."

Edward took my cigarette from my hand, lit it, and gave it back to me. I puffed at the thin paper with little remorse, allowing the thick smoke to filter through my lungs and send a calming sensation through my body.

"You want to win your wife back, Black?"

"Shut your damn mouth, Cullen! This doesn't concern you," Jacob shot out.

Edward's voice was laced in a sardonic sneer, "Who was in the room with you when Seth came to see you?"

My head spun to look at Edward. He was looking for a fight.

Jacob stammered, "What? Who?"

"Did I stutter?"

As though a lightning bolt had jolted Jake's brain stem, his lips turned into a knowing half-smile, "Amy Jo Jacobson. She felt someone needed to look after me. She was there for me."

I looked back at Jacob. His half smile turned villainous and antagonistic as he straightened his stance, bowing out his chest like a peacock ready for a fight.

The Jake I had known for the past six months had returned.

"Since when do _clients_ take it upon themselves to look in on their agents, Black? Is this a new menu of services that your clients provide for you?"

"Bella knows that Amy Jo's a nobody."

Any warm and fuzzy feeling Jacob had tried to instill in me fizzled out. Quickly.

"Just like the others, right Jacob? They were all _clients_…and they were all _nobodies,_" I retorted, pushing past him with Edward following one step behind me.

"Compared to you, they _are_ all nobody," Jacob replied. His voice drew close as he stuck a single flower in front of my face as I attempted to walk towards the front door. I felt Edward's body stiffen at the closeness of Jacob to me. I reached behind me and placed a gentle hand on Edward's upper thigh, attempting to soothe him.

I turned to meet Jacob's stare as he continued in a soft voice, obviously not playing into Edward's taunting, "Take a ride with me Bells. Just a ride. Like we used to."

"If I go with you, will you give me what I want?"

Jacob pressed his body closer to mine, continuing his hushed tone in a smooth delivery, a smile playing the corner of his mouth, "You know I'll give you the world, Bells. I love you."

I turned my face to his, our lips inches from each other, my voice turning cold and distant, "Then love me enough to set me free."

Another professional hit had been thrown. Jacob stumbled backwards, daisy in hand, looking dejected and torn.

I threw my smoke onto the patio, sighing, "Jacob, it's over. We're through. We were through before we even started."

Jacob began shaking his head in disagreement, "No, this is not over. _We_ are not over. You'll see Bells. We were meant to be together and I will show you how much I love you."

"Just like you showed her on her neck?" Crystal called out slowly, taking a drag. I hadn't heard her click her way from the car to the scenario that had unfolded.

_Oh Lord! First Edward, now Crystal._

This isn't what I needed. I just wanted Jacob gone.

But here she was. Cigarette hanging from her painted mouth, she stopped by Jacob's side, pulling the smoke from her lips and blowing it into his face.

"Crystal" Jacob acknowledged.

In a very calm even voice, without looking at him, Crystal replied, "Jacob next time you hit any woman, I want you to remember one thing."

"And what's that Crystal?"

Without an ounce of hesitation, Crystal's purse side-swiped the side of Jacob's face as she screamed, "Remember the ass-whoopin' you're getting' from me right now buddy-boy!"

In an instant Edward had scrambled around me and was restraining Crystal. Jacob's hand flew to his already-torn face, ducking another swing of Crystal's black tote.

"Are you crazy, woman!" Jacob yelled gripping his face. He straightened up, watching Crystal.

Struggling against Edward's marble frame, Crystal yelled, "Damn skippy I'm crazy, you fool! Crazy enough to whoop your smug ass from here to Tallahassee! I told you when you married her, you hurt her and I'll hurt you!"

I watched as Edward pulled her into a bear hug, "He's not worth it, Crystal."

"I'm fine," Crystal said after a moment, common sense regaining strength within her. As Edward released her, Crystal smoothed out her dress and primped her hair demurely, then continued looking at Jacob, "You are a giant peckah-wood, Jacob Black."

While Crystal and Edward began walking towards me, Jacob called out, "Bells, please?"

He wasn't giving up.

As I turned my back to Jacob, Edward responded, "Pick up the flowers on your way out, Black. They're dirtying up my driveway."

"Pick 'em up your damn self, Cullen!"

I heard the motorcycle roar to life as Edward led me into the entryway of the house.

"Hey Bells!" Jacob yelled over the growling motor.

I turned around to see his smug smile. The one I fell in love with. The one that caught my eye the first night we met.

"I _will_ win you back, Babydoll! I promise."

"I don't think so, Jacob!" I called back.

His smile grew wider as he maneuvered the motorcycle a few feet from the column, "You know that was always your problem, sweets! You think too much."

With that, Jacob rolled out of the driveway.

He wasn't going to give me what I wanted without a fight.

That was Jacob.

A fighter till the end.

* * *

I allowed Heidi and Alice take over our evening. I had some apprehension at first about Heidi's involvement, but without her Alice wouldn't be able to accomplish the tasks she had to do.

Besides, my head was not in the regard of planning of any event, even if it were just for close friends and family, and Alice promised me she would watch Heidi at all times.

"Bella, everything will be perfect and I'll watch her. Everything she does will need my personal approval." Alice's voice trilled through the phone line excitedly.

"Keep it to thirty people. Close friends, some family, a few key industry folks. Nothing too fancy. Cocktails, small dinner affair. Again, nothing fancy."

"Don't you worry your pretty little head over this. Everything will be perfect. Eight o' clock sharp. I'll send over Maimu to dress you."

"Alice…" I warned.

She sighed with exaggeration into the telephone's mouthpiece, "Maimu is just coming to take my place. Besides, you love her."

Maimu was phenomenal. She was considered one of fashion's best commodities, right next to Coco Chanel and Don Loeper. I got goosebumps just at the mere mention of her name, but I could see that Alice was already getting a little overzealous with her party planning by including Maimu.

"I _adore_ her, but I can already see that you may be going a bit overboard with this little get-together…"

"There is no such thing as 'going overboard' honey. Now go to work. You only have a few hours before I get there. Don't worry. I have everything under my implicit control."

"Thank you, Alice. For everything," I replied.

"You're quite welcome honey." With that, Alice hung up.

Now I had work to do.

I was hoping with our newfound free time, I could coerce Edward into taking some pictures of me in my Christmas outfit for our December cover of Wink magazine. It was June and I knew we had an appointment to discuss the December cover while Edward planned for us to be away, but if we had the photographs and they loved it, we were one step ahead of the game.

And convincing Edward to take a photograph of me was not exactly a large feat to overcome anyhow.

_Besides, if I am indeed pregnant, no one will want to see a bulging belly in place of a nice flat abdomen on the cover of a Christmas issue…well, maybe if I were dressed like Mary? _

I peeked in on Edward's whereabouts, only to find him deep in thought, pining over the Life shoot photos, a cigarette in one hand and a photo in the other, while a half of a glass of Scotch sat on the table next to him.

_That's it, Swan…have Edward take a blasphemous picture of Mother with Child. Nice._

He didn't even look up as I shut the door as quietly as I had opened it, stifling a small giggle at the thought of me in a blue sheet with a huge stomach in front of me.

_Get your head out of the remnants of your twisted sense of religion for the moment and get back to the task at hand._

Quickly dismissing my reckless fantasies of blue sheets and pregnant women, I dressed my sleek gams into a pair of black hosiery and poured my body into a Christmas red satin long sleeved body suit. The white fur trim around the neckline plunged deep to show off my lovely little assets.

After a few more minutes of make-up and primping, I took a deep breath, taking one final look in the mirror to admire my handiwork.

_Dust off those dirty halos and broken wings, Swan. _

My chestnut brown locks were pulled up into a partial up-do while the rest of my hair spilled over my right shoulder into a waterfall of carefully sculpted curls. Max Factor's Red 2 pulled my lips into a lovely pout, while my brown eyes dazzled in clear glittery frost eye shadow, framed in a thick array of black painted lashes.

_You are truly a vixen._

Slipping on my custom-made Christian Dior patent leather red stilettos, I seductively took a step back, admiring myself in the full-length mirror Edward had in the guest room.

_And he would definitely approve._

The way the beautiful satin clung to my hips and torso as I walked down the hallway towards the study began to make my insides boil. I loved this part of my shoots. The butterflies would appear as soon as I put the clothes on. Now, knowing Edward was just down the hall from where I stood sent my insides into chaos. I felt like my whole body was on fire and he was the only thing that could extinguish it.

I pushed the study door open slowly, seductively propping my hand into the doorjamb, while I leaned the length of my body sensuously into the wood, crossing my legs at the ankles.

"You know, if we're going to Palm Springs…we better get this shoot done now," I cooed, pulling the right corner of my mouth into a snarl.

Edward's eyes caught mine. His mouth curved into a villain's wicked sneer. The photo he had in his hand dropped to the floor, the glass of Scotch he had in the other, he placed on the table.

"What have I done to deserve such an early Christmas present?" Edward leaned back into the couch, the playfulness in his eyes returning.

"I gave a list of honey-do's to Alice and Heidi for this evening and I thought since you and I were alone, we could do some actual work and quite possibly get ahead of ourselves for once."

"Sweetheart, we always seem to be getting ahead of ourselves."

I ran my hand down the jamb of the door with a coy expression, "Well, I guess that all depends on what you're talking about Mr. Cullen, our personal relationship or our business relationship."

It was getting hot in the room. Really, really hot.

Edward ran his hand through his hair and gave me a boyish grin, "Which relationship are you speaking of, Ms. Swan?"

"Business. Always business." My voice dropped to a whisper. That grin made my body betray me. And through a leotard, you could see everything. Including rock-hard nipples.

Peeling himself off of the leather couch, he walked over to my awaiting figure in the doorway, wrapped his hands around my face, and pulled me towards his lips.

"Business, huh? These," Edward fingered the pert little bud gently, "do not look like business at all, Ms. Swan."

I smiled his smile and whispered, "If you're a good boy and take my picture, I will give you…Exactly. What. You. Want."

"Want and need are two completely different things, Ms. Swan. And right now, it seems that I need you to quash the want," his voice hushed to a low guttural whisper, "and you know you need me to do the same for you."

Trying to muster up whatever self-control I had left, I played my fingers through his, attempting to take away from his fondling, "Work first, Mr. Cullen."

"Sure. Work first," he whispered back, closing in on my lips, unlinking my fingers from his.

How could I fight it? What was the point? The man had me. Owned me. Every part of me.

His smile never left his mouth as his breath blew hot over my lips. I ran my hands from his shoulders down his chest. His nipples hardened immediately at my touch while his cock pulsed feverishly beneath his trousers.

"Just one kiss?" Edward asked me, his eyes sparkling in lust and desire.

"Not a one because you know that once we start, we'll never stop," I murmured, still fighting but all the while falling into his trance of seduction.

"Just one?" His fingers began to knead the hairline of my neck. His small manipulations began to arouse every synapse in my core.

"No," I said in a whisper so light that I couldn't even hear it myself. His top lip barely brushed my bottom lip. We would never get anything done if he pushed this.

"What about if I did…this." Ducking his head into my neck, I felt his lips pass over my jawline. The scent of his hair tickled my olfactory senses. A spicy scent of musk danced its way through my nostrils sending my girl parts into an erotic frenzy.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

_But it always does, Swan. Edward does these things to you. He just has to give you a look and a whisper and he could get you to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge for him._

I had almost no willpower against the man. Anything he wanted, he just needed to ask and I would oblige.

Unconsciously, my hands began to twirl through his hair. I could rub my hands through his hair all day, every day if I were permitted.

"Why are you doing this?" I giggled as he nipped and licked the silhouette of my throat, and then continued, "You know you're torturing me."

"And you coming in here in this little Christmas frock in the midst of a heat spell isn't torture? Come on, love, what am I supposed to do? I am only human. I can't control myself all the time." His laugh sent a smooth set of vibrations down my hot skin causing me to physically shiver in anticipation.

My hands continued to explore as I replied, "It's only eighty degrees outside, sweetheart."

Edward ran his right hand down the length of the satin leotard, "The heat spell is in my pants, love. By the way, a question for you…"

"Mmmhmmm?" My hands yanked his blue linen shirt from his slacks. Feeling his skin against mine was euphoric as my hands began their own exploration adventure, from his abdomen to his lower back, under the rim of his trousers. The skin was so soft and engaging.

I pulled his body against mine, feeling the throb of his armored cock through his pants. It was strong and rock hard. Ready for me. Waiting, almost impatiently, to do with it what I wanted.

"How do you get this confounded thing off?" he growled in frustration. His frenzied hands demanded flesh. His body screamed ecstasy.

And I couldn't blame him. I wanted and needed all the things he did: Love. Flesh. Emotional bond.

Laughing, I slipped my arms out of the contraption, and then disrobed in front of him. Completely nude now, I stood in silence. He just stared, taking in every curve of body with his eyes, never touching me.

Goddamn the man didn't even have to touch me to make me irrational.

It was like small electrical impulses ran from his eyes to my body. I pushed the back of my head into the doorjamb, letting my eyes close, imagining his hands curving the slopes of my waist. But it wasn't his hands touching my body. In their place were my own.

I sighed in erotic malfunction as I began to touch myself in wicked, tantalizing ways. My fingers trailed past my belly button down to my folds. I plunged two fingers deep inside of me, spearing me to the core as I thought of Edward's tongue plunging deeper and deeper.

"Oh, Jesus, Bella, don't stop," Edward breathed. His lips made contact with mine, spiraling me into heaven. I brought my wet fingers to his mouth, finally opening my eyes.

His intense pools of emerald gem stones were a myriad of emotion: Lust. Love. Desire. Fear. Elation.

Tracing my fingers along his lips, I got lost in his eyes. I felt drunk as I slipped his shirt from his body. He continued to suckle my fingers as if they were his pacifier.

"Tastes good doesn't it?" I murmured, not comprehending anything except what his eyes told me.

His long fingers plunged deep into my core. Once. Twice. Three times.

"You're turn." Edward's slick fingers began to mark a trail along my lower lip. He whispered, urgency lacing his tone, "Try it for me."

Happily I obliged, taking his soaked fingers into my mouth, sucking with vehement force. Edward groaned, beginning to push his pelvis into mine.

I didn't know how much more I could take. No matter where he touched me, I was a mess. My nerves were live wires of passion.

We slid our way to the floor, Edward shedding his trousers in the process.

As he made his entrance, he groaned thankfully, "I love you…I love you so much, Bella."

Wrapping my legs around his waist, I pulled him closer. I couldn't get close enough to him. His smell. His touch. His love.

With every thrust, I would moan my gratitude in response. It was the most animalistic thing in the world, but there were no words to describe how he made me feel.

The sun turned from bright yellow to orange through the curtains of the room as I released everything I had within me around Edward.

"I love you. I adore you. Always," I replied as he poured himself into me with a shuddering climax.

"I love you too, Bella. Forever." Edward propped himself up on his elbow, scanned the room and continued, "You own everything in me, love."

Sighing with a contented smile, I replied, "You know Edward, this is all that I have."

"What's all you have?"

"What is left of my heart I have given to you, so please, take what's left and use only what you really need. I have so little left, I can't afford to lose anymore."

My insecurities were getting the better of me and I didn't like that. Anytime I was in Edward's arms, I felt like I had to explain myself. But the funny thing was, he liked it. He liked it when I told him things. Big or small, Edward seemed to enjoy when I told him every thought I was having. He never shied away from anything that came out of my mouth.

This instance was like every other. Kissing my nose, Edward's smile grew broader, "Let me take what's left and mend it."

"I think you already started that," I replied, snuggling deeper into his arms.

We watched the sun immerse itself in its nightly cocoon before we untangled ourselves from each other.

A party was about to commence.

And I was curious to see who would arrive first.

* * *

She went by one name.

Maimu.

She was fashion's hottest commodity, Alice's friend, and my fashion aficionado.

Maimu was a twenty-five year old fashion designer out of Estonia. She was the youngest Einstein of creativity to do well, ranking as high as Coco Chanel, which was a feat she had accomplished all on her own in her five short years in the industry.

Most loved her. Including Alice and I.

Others despised her. Like her old mentor, Edith Head.

But at least that particular relationship was a mutual one.

A slender strawberry-haired beauty, standing about five foot nine, full of spit and vinegar, she was one of Alice's friends that I adored.

What I loved about her? She spoke her mind. Always. The woman never had an issue with telling people how she felt. Ever.

"You have just been fucked, no?"

And now was no exception.

A cute little smirk played at the woman's lips as she looked up at me from her seat on the floor. Maimu was hemming an original of hers while I stood on a chair in the middle of the bedroom.

My shocked expression must have given my answer away because Maimu went back to her needle and thread, shaking with laughter, "That must mean yes, you have. If I were being fucked by Edward Cullen, I would tape a sign to my forehead, Isabella."

She had a beautiful accent that was thick and rich and matched her full-of-life exuberance to a tee.

As she bit through the thin red thread she was sewing with, she stood, putting her hands on her hips, admiring her work.

"Magnificent!"

Stepping off of the chair, I turned once at Maimu's direction, "How does it look, darling?" I breathed.

The crimson fabric was exquisite, the jigsaw back was tantalizing and the full organza underneath it all took my breath away.

"I would not have anyone else wear it…now give me a big hug." Maimu wrapped her long arms around me, taking me into her Chanel No. 5 embrace.

Pushing me away after a moment, she scrutinized the dress with her eyes once more, then gave me a large hundred-watt smile, "I am…what's the word, Isabella?"

"Genius?"

"Genius! Yes! I am a genius and you are positively radiant! And when the wedding approaches, I make the dress. Yes?"

"Maimu! What wedding are you talking about?" I tried to act surprised but there was one thing about Maimu. She, like Alice, knew everything. How she knew, I had no idea.

"Don't be coy Isabella. Everyone knows you have been Edward's since the beginning."

_Since the beginning?_

She began to pick up her makeshift workplace. As she threw a pack of needles in her small sewing basket, she turned to me as I slipped on my signature stilettos, picking up on my silence, "You did know this, yes?"

"No. If I had known, maybe…"

The thing was, I didn't know Edward wanted me from the beginning. He never showed any interest in any type of relationship other than a business relationship.

_Hindsight is twenty-twenty._

Hindsight might have been twenty-twenty, but it would have saved me a whole bunch of heartache.

Interrupting my thoughts, the door to the room swung open scaring both Maimu and I. Alice, looking radiant as usual, gave Maimu a quick hug and then began her nervous twittering, "Edward's waiting for you. I'm waiting for you. Jesus Bella, what are iyou/i waiting for?"

Grabbing my hand, she yanked me into the hallway where Edward stood looking dapper as usual in a three-piece grey flannel suit and tie ensemble, his eyes dancing in playfulness as I approached.

With a peck on the cheek Edward whispered in my ear, "Who did you invite that has Alice in a tizzy?"

I shrugged, "I left the list up to Alice, I didn't think-"

A shrill, over the top laugh reverberated through our living room, disrupting my thought. It was not one I recognized, but as I turned to Edward, he seemed to identify it with uneasiness.

His head spun towards his sister, "Who did you invite?"

With wide eyes, she looked back at her brother, obviously pulling the mental invitee list from her memory bank, "Dad, Mom, Em, Rose, Jasper, Betty White, Crystal, Maimu, Carolyn, Hef…oh yes, some kid Crystal is bringing named Elvis Prescott or something of the sort, maybe it's Presley….yes, that's it Elvis Presley… Karen Chandler, Richard Brooks, Frank Sinatra …"

The woman's laugh resounded once more. Edward looked as though he inwardly cringed.

"You invited Frank?"

As if puzzle pieces fell into place for Alice, she gave the same look Edward did. She cringed.

"And Frank is married to?" Edward asked cynically.

"Ava," Alice stated plainly.

"Ava? Ava Gardner?" I questioned incredulously.

To make matters worse, bringing me out of my anger rather quickly was another familiar loud laugh. One we all recognized immediately.

"Awww, Heidi! You're so sweet you're giving me a toothache darling!" Jacob chuckled.

Edward and I exchanged a mutual look of disgust, and then looked at Alice.

"I didn't…I didn't invite him-" she stammered.

"Yet, he's here. In my house! So someone invited him." Edward went to pull his fingers through his hair but thought better of it. Instead he made a fist with his free hand, yet he kept it at his side.

I stopped them both, putting my hand up to silence any bickering that would eventually ensue as to who did what. I replied, "Smiles. Large, over-the-top smiles. Fake it until you feel it, folks. The show is about to begin," I replied, grabbing Edward's hand, for support if for no other reason.

Honestly, I didn't know whether or not I was going to lunge at Jacob's ridiculous face or kill Alice for allowing the whole debacle to happen to begin with. Either way, we had a party to put on. And I had to pull it together.

Alice and Maimu followed as Edward and I made our entrance into the living area.

All eyes focused on us.

I scanned the room with that familiar idiotic smile plastered to my face, "Good evening everyone."

Then my eyes didn't need to go any further.

"We are so glad you accepted our invitation on such short notice," I continued with the same smile, my eyes locking on Jacob.

With a drink and a cigarette in one hand, Jacob smiled idiotically as Heidi laughed at one of his ridiculous lines.

_Fucking Heidi._

"Son. Of. A. Bitch," I breathed.

Edward gripped my hand and replied under his breath, "My sentiment exactly, love."

I looked up at Edward, confusion peppering my smile.

I followed his stony stare, because it wasn't on Jacob.

Suddenly I wanted to vomit.

Because to make matters worse than they already were, sitting on the couch, cozying up to none other then Frank Sinatra, was the all too popular, Ava Gardner. Frank's wife.

And Edward's ex-lover.

_Son. Of. A. Fucking. Bitch. It's going to be a long night._

* * *

**_A/N: Hi there Readers! I just wanted to pop in and say thank you for supporting PUG with subscribing or adding to your Favorites collection. You make my heart swoon when you welcome this story into your hearts like that._**

_**Please remember that I do read each and every one of your reviews, and I love and cherish each and every one of them. Don't stop. Keep tellin' me ;) It is very encouraging to hear your reactions to the story chapters as they go along. **_

**_I love you. Thank you. Smooches & Stars, loves! XOXOX_**

~_**Cozzy**_


	31. Chapter 30

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…always ;) **_

_**More Love: **_

_**To my readers, thank you so much for the love. I have 100 reviews and I am tickled to death! For that, I am humbled and honored that you are enjoying this story. I have put my heart and soul into it and I appreciate every single one of you for taking the time to write and letting me know how much each chapter affects you. **_

_**And to all my readers at FFFW, my home. I love you dearly and I have missed you. **_

_**Secondly, and most importantly, to my Gal Pals who can totally talk me off a cliff or throw me a rope, any time, day or night, whenever I need them: Carolyn, love you BIG TIME girl—you make me have sense in my world of crazy and keep me somewhat focused; and of course, my CLP Supah-Stah, I love you more then you know, what doesn't kill us has made us stronger and I think it has ;)**_

_**~Chapter Thirty (BPOV) ~**_

Just the sight of Ava made my stomach turn into a jumble of chaotic nerves.

She was the most beautiful screen siren that the industry put on a pedestal, and my Edward had been with her. Slept in her bed. Made her scream in mad, passionate ecstasy.

At least I thought he did. He did it to me, why could he not bring other women to their knees in unscrupulous pleasure?

And there was absolutely no basis for my fears. Edward told me so. Every day and every night.

_There's no other like you, Bella. Not now, not ever._

Ava was happily married to Frank Sinatra. The most famous crooner of the time.

She could have given a fine rat's ass about Edward.

That comforting thought only held my inner jealousy at bay. Nothing more.

Felix handed me a Cosmopolitan.

And damn did I need it.

Edward took his glass of Scotch, sipping at it with what seemed to be very little interest, watching Ava with one eye and Jacob with the other.

I, on the other hand, tossed back the smooth concoction in one gulp, feeling the alcohol burn the delicate lining of my throat and leaving a fiery wake of gratitude from my insides. Watching a person internally going mad was interesting, if nothing else.

And I was sure Edward thought the same about me.

"Drinking may not be the best option," Edward whispered as I put my glass atop a passing tray.

Ava gave a flirtatious giggle at something Frank whispered in her ear. In the corner of my eye I watched Edward's stance stiffen.

_Was he jealous?_

I drew my stare away from the couple, smiling delicately at Edward, "It may not be the best option, but it's the only option."

Another one of Alice's finely dressed waiters passed us by with a full tray of champagne. I grabbed a crystal flute with elegant grace. In great anticipation, I brought the chilled glass to my lips.

And that's when I heard a very stern voice in my ear, "Isabella, it may not be a wise option drinking at this juncture. Wouldn't you think?"

It was my future father-in-law.

His cool hands graced over mine as I lowered the flute from my lips. He replaced it with a short crystal glass filled with a clear concoction which I thought was vodka.

Carlisle smiled at me, encouraging me to take a drink. As I brought the glass to my lips, I noticed there was no smell to it. Cool, clear liquid coated the back of my throat.

_No such luck, Swan. _

It was water.

_Cool. Crisp. Refreshing._

Over ice cubes.

_Water._

When I pulled the glass away from my mouth, I gave Carlisle a smirk.

"Smooth. Very smooth, Carlisle."

He smiled, tipping his beverage at me, "I only recommend the best, Isabella."

In my peripheral vision, I noticed Edward gloating in pleasure at his victory over the drink.

Jacob's loud guffaw reverberated through our high ceilinged home, drawing our attention from my non-alcoholic beverage.

I winced inwardly as Edward's hand gripped at his Scotch with white-knuckle strength. It was the Brown Derby all over again.

Watching his internal struggle was the hint that I needed to deal with Ava first. She seemed to be the less strenuous situation at the moment. For both of us.

"Would you excuse Edward and me, Carlisle?"

"Of course, my dear. You seem to have more…pressing matters to handle. While I," Carlisle looked up at the front door as Esme made a grand entrance as usual. He continued never breaking his gaze from hers, "have a standing appointment with the most beautiful woman here."

Edward and I smiled at him in understanding, nodded and made our way towards _her_.

The glamour goddess.

The screen siren.

The fucking beauty queen of Hollywood.

Ava Gardner.

My approach was nothing but cordial.

_A smile. _

_A head nod. _

_And then…_

"Frank, you are looking mighty dapper this evening." Smiling broadly, I held my hand out towards him.

I had met Mr. Frank Sinatra when he sang at mine and Jacob's engagement party. He was a wonderfully smooth man with a voice that could melt butter.

"You are looking wonderful tonight Isabella," Frank crooned, his lips caressing the back of my hand in a suave and delicate move of gentility.

_He is a gentleman._

His crystal blue eyes were like pools of liquid fantasy within a beautifully illustrated illusion.

"Take a lesson, Cullen," Ava piped in, grandly holding out her hand to me, disrupting my obvious gawk. She nearly yanked my arm out of its socket as she shook it with a boisterous grip, continuing, "Nice to meet you doll…by the way, I'm Ava. Ava Gardner."

Her beauty was even more striking up close.

And as I took in her beauty, I now knew what Edward saw in her.

Stunning maple brown locks cropped to her neckline, a smile dipped in warmth and the most perfect skin anyone could have. The apples of her cheeks looked rouged in sun-kissed roses, but in fact, it seemed to be a natural attribute she possessed.

If the woman's beauty didn't knock your socks off, her boisterous personality would have. In the ten seconds it took me to shake hands with her, Ava had sized me up and determined she wanted to be nice to me. Maybe it was because she knew I had no interest in her husband.

_Or it could be because she actually had no preconceived notions of you. Did you think she would be a complete and total bitch, Swan?_

I just stood staring at her incredulously with my mouth partially open. I probably looked like a fish.

_Yes, I did. I thought she would be a complete tyrant._

Ava laughed easily with Frank as she let go of my hand, looking over at Edward, "Is the dame always like this? Or does she talk?"

_You're looking like a square, Swan. _

Her delicate words mixed with her brash demeanor, shook me out of my haze, "Oh my, excuse me, Ava. My apologies for being so rude," I flustered.

"Think nothing of it, dollface. Ava's used to being shunned, especially by beautiful women such as yourself," Frank replied lightly, taking another swig of his drink.

Shocked by Frank's bold statement, I stood there stone-still watching Ava's response. She laughed largely, striking her husband with her small red clutch, "Don't be an ass, Frankie darling! At least not in front of our host and hostess."

I looked over at Edward who rolled his eyes with dramatic poise as he took another sip of his drink, and then glanced over nonchalantly at Jacob. He replied with a controlled tone, "I think you're being a big enough ass for both of you, darling."

"Ahhh, my Edward. You've always been such a square, darling. You wouldn't know a good time if it bit you in the ass."

"I see you have not changed one bit, Ava. Still the same brash, ego-driven little tart you always have been."

There was a light twinkle in Edward's emerald eyes and a twinge of a smile pulling at the left corner of his mouth. He was genuinely teasing her.

"And I see you're the same pompous, self-loathing pain in my ass you have always been. Are you still learning how to be a man in the sack, darling, or did you actually learn something when we were together?"

I nearly choked on my water, coughing once in a gentle fashion. Edward looked over at me with a semi-concerned eye, placing his hand into the small of my back, giving me an obvious eyeroll at the comment.

Ava looked over at Frank and laughed again, "He was terrible in bed when I met him. Poor boy needed a lesson."

Edward chuckled, now turning a slight shad of pink, obviously at a loss for words, as Ava's eyes never left Frank's.

Frank replied bluntly, "And you, my dear, were the only one who could teach him?"

"It was my duty, baby. I couldn't let the young lad out into the harsh, cruel world of Hollywood without knowing how to dip his wick." She pushed herself playfully into Frank. His eyes never left hers as she spoke to him.

Hell, she could have been reciting a Shakespearean play in a gorilla suit and Frank would have held onto every word she said like it was gold.

Edward cleared his throat, "I never needed a lesson."

Obviously ignoring him, Frank's voice dropped to a whisper, "Maybe I need a lesson."

A little louder, Edward restated his claim, clearing his throat, "I never needed a lesson."

Both Ava and Frank looked flustered and out of sorts as they broke free of the magnetic pull they seemed to allow.

Flushed, Ava replied, "I'm sorry honey, were we ignoring you? Did you say something?"

Again Edward rolled his eyes, then changed the subject, "How are things Ava?"

"I guess I should be asking you the same thing. How are things, Edward? Finally got the girl of your dreams?"

"Yes, finally. Well, almost." Edward grinned pulling me a tad closer, then shifted his gaze to Jacob.

"Ahh, yes. I am hearing things." Ava sipped at her drink coyly.

"What things?" I asked almost too quickly.

"The fight at the Grove was all over the rags, darling, not to mention the unintentional whisperings that have been rumbling through the studios for the past few weeks."

"But I'm not an actress, Ava. I'm just a pinup girl."

"Keep telling yourself that, darling. They'll have you by the colored roots of your lovely locks before too long. Just you wait. Your agent over there was making sure of that."

_An actress? Me? I couldn't lie my way out of a gasoline-soaked paper bag set aflame, let alone act. In front of a camera._

"Oh anyone can act, sweetheart. Pretty face. Gorgeous body. Very well put together. You'll make it far in this business."

"Ava knows these things, Isabella," Frank interjected.

"And what if she doesn't want that?" Edward replied swirling his drink around absently looking at Jacob. Well, not really looking at him, more like looking through him.

Ava raised a curious eyebrow at Edward and then looked at me, "She's not a child Edward. I think she can speak for herself."

I gave a slight snicker, "I have never been approached about a movie, Ava. Besides, I just got offered the first cover of Playboy magazine. I don't think I will have time for acting."

"And you have this press mess to handle now, right?" Ava replied with almost a sad tone.

"Yes," I said, almost too quickly. That would have to be dealt with accordingly. And even Ava-fucking-Gardner knew it.

Seeing my change in demeanor, Ava smiled warmly, brushing her hand against mine.

"It'll be a bitch," Ava began, and then dropped her voice to a low whisper, "The good thing is that you're not pregnant. And you're not with a studio yet. If that were the case, you'd have everyone from the Catholic church to Louella Parsons telling you what a goddamn harlot you are and the studio would make you get rid of it. Or they would get rid of you."

I inwardly gasped, gripping the water glass with force, terror seizing my insides. I felt Edward's hand begin to rub small circular ministrations in the small of my back attempting to calm me.

_No one would make me get rid of my baby. No one._

The more I concentrated on the motion of his hand, the more I found a certain peace settle within my being. Like a warm bed on a snowy day.

"And you would know about that?" I asked in defense, raising my well-manicured eyebrow to the ceiling allowing his touch to consume me.

They all looked at me and chuckled uncomfortably. Ava's gaze dropped down to her drink and she gave a sardonic chuckle.

Frank finally cleared his throat and through a fake smile, chuckled again, "I left my wife Nancy for Ava."

"Which they raked _me_ over the coals for. Stupid bastards," Ava took a long swig of her drink and then continued with an almost vehement fury, "Could you imagine, Isabella? Mr. Happy Pants here leaves his wife and they blame me for it. They ruined my Frankie's career for a while. Remember that Edward?"

I looked over at Edward, who looked bored with the conversation.

_Or like he had heard it before. _

I would ask him about it later though. How much he knew. How much he wasn't telling me.

"That entire cluster fuck taught me that no matter how famous you are, how famous you get…they own you."

"They?"

Ava's boisterous smile was gone and replaced abruptly by a pensive, faraway look. One of sadness. One of lost hope. A look that spoke in large magnitudes of wisdom, if nothing else.

And her response sent a chill down my spine.

"The vultures. The press. The studio. The fans. You're nothing without them. Even though we hate them. We also love them. Need them. It's just the nature of the beast, dollface."

Everything she had said in a two-second lapse of time was woven in a tapestry of pure truth.

The press held your destiny in their hands.

In their lens.

Capturing every life-changing moment of your real life on film and publicizing it in black and white for people to feed on.

And your fans? They were your judge, jury and executioner. In that order.

Edward's voiced fears from previous weeks played on a continuous reel in my mind's eye.

"_Subterfuge."_

Frank cleared his throat again, sighed and swirled his almost-empty drink absently, "I need another drink. Ava stop being dramatic."

"_We have to play this right, Bella. Keep our friends close, our enemies closer."_

"Dramatic? No. I'm not. I'm a realist, Frank."

"_You're twenty-three years old, Isabella. Stop being so goddamn naïve. You're not a kid anymore for Christ's sake."_

"Ava is a realist," I heard Edward agree.

Looking over at Jacob, I recollected what Heidi had mentioned in the beginning.

"_All of our careers…gone. You'll have to live on that love you two have, Isabella, darling. And I'll say it again, love doesn't pay the bills. Especially the way the two of you spend money."_

"See? Cullen agrees with me."

"Cullen is also the one who coined you Snowdrop, my darling."

Heidi's strong cackle made my ears ring_. _

Ava switched gears, throwing me head-first back into the present. I felt her hand grip onto mine encouragingly, "You're strong. You're beautiful. And you will be alright. Don't let them have you, darling. That's all there is to it. Believe me my career has flourished thanks to them and their meddling."

"Are you sure?" I whispered, looking at Edward.

"Of course I'm sure. Edward and his family know this business better than anybody. So you couldn't be with a better group of people right now. Look, the only piece of advice I can give you is to get divorced quickly. Quietly."

Edward nodded in agreement.

Frank interjected, catching my smile within his, "And think of the press like quicksand. The more you struggle, the more they pull you down and try to drown you. Don't struggle and they won't fight as hard. They'll release you after a while."

I smiled back. Finally. Genuinely.

And then I heard it again.

Heidi's cackle.

It was like the wicked witch of the west. I half expected a puff of green smoke to envelope her and a half a dozen flying monkeys begin to dance around her.

"I see Heidi has hooked her talons into your almost ex-husband, Isabella. Would you like me to scratch her eyes out or throw my Scotch down her dress?"

I laughed a little too loudly. I was beginning to like Ava.

A lot.

"Neither. If she would like him, she can have him," I replied dismissively.

But as I looked up at Edward's cold stare and rigid stance, I realized three things.

One.

I was the only one willing to let go of the relationship with Jacob.

Two.

Edward was still hanging onto his anger.

And three.

Jacob was still hanging onto me.

As our little group watched Heidi and Jacob, I sipped at my water and thought about whether or not any of it mattered.

_My career. Playboy. A possible movie.  
_

Because no matter how hard I tried to think about the current tasks at hand…

_Divorce. Getting away from Jacob._

…my thoughts were consumed by one thing…

_Baby._

_

* * *

_

_**Thanks for reading, guys & dolls! I love you and thank you all for the support with my little endeavor. Yes, my Bella can (and is) very frustrating. But trust me, there is a method to my madness. Keep reading. As I have told some of you, I will take you to the edge, let you dangle for a while, then bring you back and make you feel secure and safe. When you are comforted, I will take you back to that precarious edge of reason and push you off, head first. ;) But I do it because reading a story should consume you. Make you believe the world exists. And hopefully, I have done that for you. I know when I read a story that is exactly the place I like to be taken by the author. Right. Off. The. Damn. Cliff. ;)**_

_**Smooches & Stars, my lovelies! XOXOX**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	32. Chapter 31

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Pin-up Girl, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…always xoxoxox**_

_**More Love: To my gal pals…CLP & Caro…without you in my life, I would go insane in my already crazy world. Seriously, JS…**_

_**Notes & Such: I have to give credit where credit is due…always….Please Please Please…READ THIS SECTION FOLLOWING THE CHAPTER…thank you ;)**_

_**The Playlist for Chapter 31 was heavily inspired by Concrete Blonde, Bloodletting. If you listen to the CD while reading this, you'll know where I was at...**_

_**~Chapter Thirty-one (BPOV)~  
**_

_The butterflies in my stomach weren't as prevalent as the night before on the dance floor, but I knew that as soon as I saw his beautiful face that would change. _

_Jacob was a nice man. A wonderful dancer. Congenial. And especially handsome. _

_I looked down at the clock face. _

_Six o' clock. _

_He would be here any minute._

_And I wasn't even near being ready._

_My hands shook like leaves on a tree in the midst of a windstorm as I picked up the gold tube of lip color. The date would go fine. What was there to be nervous about?_

He's beautiful. Engaging. Enticing. Successful.

_I painted my lips with as much precision as I could muster. If I hadn't been so pissed at Crystal, she would be helping me._

And why shouldn't I be angry? She said no good can come of this relationship. How would she know?

_And it wasn't even a relationship yet. I was going on one date. Dinner. That was all. I wasn't marrying the man for Christ's sake._

_I swept my hair into a meticulous French twist, securing it with bobby pins. When all was set, I sprayed it lightly with hairspray, combing a few stray hairs into place._

"_He'll think you look beautiful, Bells." Crystal stood in the doorway of our bedroom, her arms crossed. _

_I scowled at her through the mirrored glass, "Are you coming in here to lecture me once more before I go out the door?"_

"_No. You're my best friend Bell-sy. The bestest. And I'm just looking out for you. I don't want him to hurt you." She crossed our room and sat on her twin-sized bed. She began picking non-existent lint off of her black petal pushers before she continued, "You know, you're in love with him, sugah."_

_I turned to her, "I'm not sure what you mean, Crystal. You are acting like I am running out and eloping with Jacob Black after one night on a dance floor. Like I have fallen head-over-heels for a man I barely know."_

_Sighing, Crystal replied, "I wasn't talking about Jacob, Bells."/i_

She couldn't have meant…

"_Edward Cullen," Crystal simply stated, finishing my own thought and looking me square in the eye. We sat there staring at each other, neither one of us wanting to back down._

_I conceded._

_Breaking my gaze first, I went back to my reflection. As I stared at myself, I made a feeble attempt to convince myself that I didn't want or need to pine after Edward every minute of every day. He would never see me as anything but a cheese cake model. And he had too many of those in his hip pocket. What would make him want me compared to the rest? I was a nobody. Besides, why should I be wasting my time making goo-goo eyes at a man that didn't pay attention to me?_

Because Edward Cullen sure as hell didn't pine over me.

_I wanted someone who actually wanted me._

_Crystal remained silent as I applied a tad of rogue to the apples of my already-pink cheeks._

_As I double-checked my face and my hair for the final time I let out a forced breath, clearing out my lungs._

_Crystal cleared her throat, "You are beautiful, Bells. And as always, like every other man who has ever encountered you, Jacob Black will fall in love with you."_

_Every man but the one I wanted._

_The door bell buzzed._

_Obviously frustrated, she continued to sit on the bed, making no move to open the front door, her scowl deepening, "Tell him how you feel about him."_

_The walls to our small apartment began to close in on me. I needed to get out. Fast. _

_Because if I didn't I would have to come to the realization that Edward didn't want me. And I knew he didn't want me, just by the way he looked at me._

_I had tried to get him just to gaze at me with that smile of his. _

_The one that the man of your dreams looks at you with. The look that said, regardless of what you do or who you are, I love you. It was a look my father used to get when he would stare at my mother. _

_And Edward never looked at me that way. Ever.  
_

"_I have no idea what you are talking about Crystal and if you don't mind, get the door."_

_She didn't budge off of her spot on the bed. Not one inch._

Stubborn as a fucking mule!

_Pursing my lips into a thin, hard line, I began tossing my lipstick and mirror into my small hand bag, "Anything else you want to talk about before I leave? Because I am going tonight. And dammit, I will have a fabulous time."_

"_I don't doubt that. I have heard Jacob is a 'fabulous time'." The thickness of her drawl deepened the more frustrated she was getting, "But I am telling you, Bells…"_

_Continuing to toss incidentals into the black handbag, I replied without looking at her, "What?"_

_The bed creaked as she stood, my rummaging hands suddenly caught within hers, "I know you are in love with him, Bells. Don't give up on him."_

_We sat there for a few seconds. I didn't want to look at her. I didn't want to think about the 'what if's'. It was thinking like that that prevented my mother from seeing what was right in front of her._

_And I wasn't going to be my mother._

_I pulled away from my best friend as the doorbell buzzed a second time, "Door bell. Date."_

_Straightening, I walked towards the front door with Crystal in tow, "You give up way too easily, Bells."_

_I spun around on my heel, shocking her backwards a step, "It will never happen. Edward and I will never happen." My voice dropped to a seething hush as I turned the doorknob, "Besides, he didn't even look at me last night Crystal. Not once."_

_Practically yanking the front door open, I slathered a smile across my face. I loved that I could do that. Turn on and off like a goddamn light bulb. It was truly a gift from God._

_A gust of fragranced air wafted through my doorway. _

_Woodsy. Musky. Manly. _

_The smell I remembered from the night before. _

_Regaining my inner composure, the muscles in my face began to relax as I noticed I might have been overly dressed in my red floral Paul Sachs number._

_Jacob was just as ravishing as he had been the night before. _

_Except he was wearing a pair of Levi's, a tight black cotton T-shirt, and a pair of boots that were obviously military issued.  
_

_His muscular arms were brimming with goodies. In one hand a bottle of wine, while the other donned a red rose and a picnic basket._

_To add insult to injury, the look on his face was priceless. Soft. Beckoning. Sexy as hell. His deep brown eyes dripped with boyish charm._

_Behind me, Crystal replied under her breath, "Well, I'll be damned."_

_Ignoring her, I placed my left hand on my hip and my right hand in the door jamb, "Well, Mr. Black, dare I say that you're looking quite…what's the word I'm looking for…unconventional. Especially for dinner."_

_Jacob's bold assurance turned into a smug half grin that made me melt on the inside. _

_Actually, it was the most arousing half grin I had ever seen on a man._

With the exception of Edward.

"_Last night you had mentioned that you were tired of the archetypical date. That you had wished someone would do something spontaneous and out of the ordinary. Something surprising and unusual."_

"_I believe the word I used was extraordinary."_

"_Yes, I believe that was the word you used. Which, by definition, means, beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular or established? Am I correct?"_

_Nodding slowly, still grinning, I replied, "Mmhmm…"_

_After my conversation with Crystal, I was damn-near incorrigible._

"_And so what is the plan for the evening?" I cocked a manicured eyebrow to the sky and gave him one of my smiles. The one that knocked most men off of their chairs and onto their asses._

"_Would you happen to have a pair of Levi's?"_

_Crystal cleared her throat, "Going out in Levi's? How uncouth. Especially for a first date."_

_Jacob broke his intense stare with me, acknowledging Crystal with a more distanced grin, "You must be her roommate. Crystal, right?"  
_

_Feeling the blood rise to my cheeks, I moved out of Jacob's way and motioned for him to come into the small apartment, "I am so sorry. Jacob, this is Crystal Parker."_

_Jacob placed the wine under his muscular arm, took her hand into his, and kissed the back of it gently. As he pulled away, Crystal smiled demurely while fanning herself playfully, "Why Mr. Black, don't you know how to treat a lady…"_

_She was such an actress. It was almost disgusting. _

_As Crystal turned her back towards Jacob, she caught my eye and made an obvious dramatic eye roll as if to say, "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, sweetheart." _

_That was her favorite line._

_I recovered pleasantly, giving Jacob another smile, "Now that you have successfully swept my girlfriend off of her feet, would you like to tell me what you had planned for such a cool evening? Being the middle of February and all."_

_Jacob smiled and asked once more, "Would you happen to have Levi's, Isabella?"_

_I looked from Crystal to Jacob, "Sure. Let me change."_

"_And don't forget a sweater…it is chilly out this evening." He called back after me as I shut the door to my bedroom._

_Jacob Black was a nice man. A decent man._

_One that could be the man of my dreams.  
_

_After ten minutes, I emerged donning almost an identical outfit._

"_Is this better?" I asked slipping a cherry red sweater over a red rhinestone-trimmed blouse._

_Looking over at Crystal, I noticed she was giving Jacob a disgusted glare._

"_You are stunning, Bells," he replied._

"_Hey! That's what Crystal calls me all the time."_

_Blushing bright red through his caramel colored skin, Jacob replied with a sheepish grin, "Do you mind? I'm sorry, that seems a bit forward for a first date, doesn't it?"_

"_Not at all Jacob." I replied, grabbing my purse off of the small coffee table._

"_This is for you by the way." He handed me the beautiful rose he was holding._

_Putting it to my nose, I inhaled its fragrant petals, "Beautiful," I replied, watching as Crystal stuck her index finger into her open mouth, imitating a repulsive gag._

_Taking him by the arm, leading him out of the front door, I said, "Thank you, Jacob. That was so sweet of you."_

_Almost making a clean getaway, Crystal grabbed the top of my arm at the last moment and whispered in my ear, "I have known Mr. Black for exactly fifteen minutes and I hate him."_

_I pulled my arm from Crystal's grasp, sensing her urgency. Instead of heeding the warning though, it infuriated me._

"_Dully noted."_

"_One date, right Bells?"_

_I gave a snarky chuckle, readjusting the shoulder of my sweater, "When did you become my mother?"_

"_When you stepped off that bus, sweetheart," she seethed, and then put on a contagious smile that would melt the wax off an unlit candle, calling out a little too loudly after us, "Y'all have fun now…ya hear?" _

"_Don't wait up!" I called, catching up to Jacob and slinking my arm through his. _

"_Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she called back. All she needed was a white laced handkerchief and a forlorn look and anyone would have thought I was leaving forever._

"_Or anything you would!" I shouted back._

_The door of our apartment slammed shut with a sharp thud._

_She was pissed._

_

* * *

_

Crystal and I leaned into the bar in Edward's living room. Alice had dragged him to another side of the room against his will, thinking it would make for a better appearance if we separated for a while.

_Was twenty minutes long enough?_

I felt like I was missing a piece of me when Edward and I were apart. It just didn't feel right.

Watching Heidi and Jacob play the room was almost nauseating.

I wanted to drag Heidi by the hair and toss her on her tiny ass.

And Jacob?

Well, the urgency to punch him in the face was about to consume me.

"Do you want me to scratch his eyes out, sugah?" Crystal interrupted.

"I should have listened to you," I murmured.

"You should have, but you didn't," Crystal replied, going back to her drink.

"You don't need to rub it in."

"You don't need to be quite so innocent in all this either. You knew what you were getting yourself into."

"Maybe if you hadn't made me so damn angry, I wouldn't have gone out with him."

Placing her hand over her heart, Crystal replied, "Don't blame this on me, sweetie. It's not my fault _you_ were the incorrigible one."

I swiped a box of someone's cigarettes off of the bar, shook one out then placed it between my lips. Before I could reach for the silver Zippo lighter that lay complacently next to its counterpart, there was a dancing blue flame in front of the tube of tobacco.

Without thinking twice, I closed my eyes and inhaled seductively. Edward was always there.

A warm gust of sweet breath blew across my ear, "You look ravishing tonight, Bells."

My eyes flew open, for it wasn't Edward standing on the left of me, but Jacob.

I exhaled the cigarette smoke slowly into his face, "After a whopping six months of marriage, you decide to pay me a compliment? How sweet. Crystal, hand me a tissue so I can wipe the tear from the corner of my eye."

Turning my back to him, Crystal covered her mouth with a black gloved hand to stifle a small giggle.

Noticing my agitation, Jacob shimmied between me and Crystal so he was facing me, "Just take a walk with me, Bells. Hear me out. Let me explain myself. Jesus! You can't imagine what I'm going through right now. You've cut me off and I can't stand it, Bells…Bella…Isabella, _please_?"

Crystal shoved him away, "Go piss up a flagpole you twit."

Jacob peered over his shoulder, "So eloquent, as usual, Crystal...If you don't mind, I am trying to have a conversation with my _wife_."

Crystal rolled her eyes at him, "You use that term as if it means something to you."

He turned back to me, "It means _everything_ to me. Isabella, you have never given me that chance. Just to talk. Sober."

And then he looked at me with those eyes. Those damn sweet puppy dog eyes. The look my father used to give my mother every minute of the day.

The look that meant one thing.

That he still loved me.

A long red nail tapped Jacob on his overbearing shoulder, "Excuse me? Am I invisible here? Uh…Mr. Wonderful, go sniff around another tree. This one is taken."

Ignoring her, Jacob proceeded, "Bells, listen…I didn't mean to hurt you. You know me. Deep down in your soul, you know who I am. And deep down I know who you are. And you may not be in love with me anymore, but I deserve one conversation. One walk. Just us. Don't I deserve that?"

I was terrified to look into his face, but I needed to because he did deserve an explanation. To be left in the cold with no answers to unresolved half-truths was not alright.

_Because that happened to you. To him. It made you both untrusting and suspicious. _

So even though I didn't want to, I looked up.

Into those expression-filled eyes that gave him away every time. As smug as he could be, his eyes always told a different story. They owned his pain, his happiness, his sadness, his love….everything. Including me.

And my fear was finally warranted because I did still have a pulse for him.

A part of my heart still beat for him.

And a part of my soul still longed to be in his arms.

It was like a tormented sadist was in charge of my heart, allowing it to heal and then turning around and tearing it open with his bare hands just to watch it bleed again.

"Alright, I have had enough of this-" Crystal began in a tart tone, her voice ripping through me as if to say, 'wake up stupid!'.

But she didn't get to finish for we were interrupted by a very dreamy, dark haired, obviously Southern gentleman.

"Crystal? What's goin' on darlin'?" His voice was like caramel. Smooth and inviting.

Sighing, Crystal replied, "Elvis, sweetheart, this is Isabella Swan and her…her…_husband.._.Jacob Black."

In a gentleman's maneuver, Elvis gave my hand a soft squeeze, "Nice to meet you, ma'am. I have several of your pictures hanging in my guitar case. Mr. Black is mighty lucky to have a girl as beautiful as you on his arm tonight." He held out his hand to Jacob, who shook it in return as well.

"I am the luckiest man in the room, aren't I?" Jacob gave me those damn eyes again, the structure of his face softening substantially.

"Why thank you Elvis," I cordially forced through my plastic smile while taking another drag off of the half-smoked cigarette to calm my nerves.

Jacob placed his hand in the small of my back. Tensing immediately, I cleared my throat, smashed the dying tube of tobacco into a nearby ashtray and looked at Crystal.

I wanted to feel hatred for this man, but I couldn't. We had shared a life together.

My body inadvertently betrayed me and relaxed under his hand as he began to make small circles with his fingertips.

"Elvis here is going to be the next big deal in this town," Crystal switched gears, quickly taking in what was happening and then continued, "He has the voice of an angel and a swagger that would make any woman blush."

That was my cue to take one small step away from Jacob, but I didn't. I stood there allowing him to keep his warm hand in my back. Allowing my husband to hold me. Gently. The way he used to.

"Aww, thank you ma'am," Elvis continued to drawl as Crystal doted on him.

Jacob bent his head towards my ear as they droned on about music, "Do you remember the night I took you to the hill? Our first date?"

I smiled. Of course I remembered. How could I forget?

Indiscreetly, I nodded my yes. Crystal watched me with scrutiny through her peripheral vision, Elvis still retaining most of her attention.

Under his breath, obviously not wanting to draw attention to us, Jacob whispered, "I am so sorry my precious angel. So very sorry."

I looked up at him, "Did you call me…angel?"

Now it was his turn to nod.

Jacob hadn't called me angel since the night I lost the baby.

And he knew that by the look of surprise that peppered his face.

"Let's go for a walk," I said finally. He did deserve to talk. Just once more.

As we started away from the bar without a word to our current company, Crystal caught my arm. Like the night of our first date.

"Don't go," Crystal said, in a tone that meant business. Pulling away from her, I looked at Elvis who stood with a befuddled expression on his face.

"I have to. I owe him that."

Jacob must have realized I was no longer following him, because he stopped at Edward's sliding glass back door, caught my glance, then continued to walk outside.

"You don't owe him squat, Bells." Crystal shot me a murderous glare, attempting to hold my gaze with hers.

I stepped away slightly, pleading with my eyes for her not to make a scene, "Crystal, please."

An incredulous look spread across her face, like ink spilling slowly and spreading across a page, "You're joking? You must be joking…right Bells?"

I shook my head from side-to-side deliberately. I was sure I wasn't joking.

"It's something I have to do. For Christ's sake you wouldn't understand anyway. You're not married," I replied lamely.

"You're right. I am not married because I won't settle."

"That was below the belt." Anger began to boil in my chest like a festering wound.

"Honey, that was below the skirt," Crystal retorted with a sigh, a V-shape burrowing between her eyebrows. She continued after a long pause, "Look, baby girl, I am an objective opinion. I'm the one who is constantly on the outside looking in. I am the one who saw the bruises on your cheek. On your neck. On your wrists. Your arms. I'm the one nursed your wounds after he did those things to you. Do you remember that?"

I looked down at my hands, replying softly, "And I appreciate that, sweetie. I do. I really do-"

Suddenly, she interrupted me, "Edward Cullen. That man standing in a corner looking miserable? He adores you, Isabella. He worships the ground you walk on. He would _die_ for you."

"I know…that's why I have to explain it to Jacob. Explain to him that we're through-"

A deeper scowl penetrated her features, "You weren't there. You didn't see his face Bells. Edward…he was a lost man. I had never seen anyone look like that before. Ever. He loves you so much…"

She was beginning to infuriate me. I knew what I was doing. And Edward had to understand this wasn't just about him and me.

"Do you think Jake loves me any less?"

Crystal scoffed, "He loves you just about as much as the dirt on the bottom of his shoe, darlin'."

"No, that's not true. You don't know him like I do."

"You sound like a broken record: 'You don't know him like I do'," she mocked.

"Do not mock me! You don't know him. You've always hated him. From the beginning."

"Because he is a sham, sweetheart. He's fake. Everything is a goddamn show with that boy," Crystal seethed through clenched teeth.

Tears started to well in my eyes, but I pushed them back as hard and as fast as I could.

Taking a calmer approach, I tried again, "And what am I supposed to do? Ignore my husband? Look, you don't seem to understand that this is not only about me and Edward. This is about me and Jake. Jake looked like a lost man this afternoon. Jake looked like…like…like he did when I met him. Lost. But if I talk to him…convince him…"

"Convince who of what?" she returned sharply, looking around once to see what heads she might have turned. When she was finished with her quick assessment, Crystal turned back to me and then continued in a hurried whisper as if she knew she didn't have much time, "The only person I see trying to convince anyone of anything is you trying to convince yourself that what you're doing is the right thing. If leaving Jacob is really the right thing to do."

"And why shouldn't I? I am a married woman!"

"In an unhealthy, volatile relationship who initiated another relationship with another man. All. On. Her. Own."

That was the professional hit.

"End it by not going with him, Bells."

"Why? Why are you hell bent on me not going with him?"

"Because if you walk out that door with him, he will suck you in. He's a smooth talker. He has this hold on you that even I can't explain."

To a certain degree, Jacob did have a certain hold over me. Crystal didn't understand it because she didn't know him like I did. And as trite as that sounded, it was the truth.

There was something about him. Something that inexplicably held us together.

But, where I was concerned, she didn't have to know the details. She just had to trust me.

And so did Edward.

Jutting my chin out, I defiantly replied, "I am going with Jacob. And I am coming back to Edward."

Edward would understand. He always understood.

Dumbfounded, Crystal scoffed, "You have built this glass house, Isabella Marie Swan…a glass fucking house that will shatter with one stone, baby girl. You do this, you run the risk of losing _everything_."

"Edward will understand," I stated, with more confidence than I had.

Unwavering, Crystal repeated, "This one act of stupidity. This is your stone. You are running the risk of losing him. You walk out the door with Jacob Black and…and…you know what will happen."

"Edward loves me. He knows I would never hurt him."

With a swish of my skirt, I made my way across the semi-crowded living room to the garden where Jacob stood staring at the roses, smoking a cigarette.

* * *

_After jogging a good half a mile, Jacob stopped in the midst of a small clearing. The lush carpet and all of its foliage glistened under the waterfall of moonlight that spilled graciously through the shroud of black sky._

__

He dropped the basket and bottle of wine into the unkempt blades of grass and collapsed like a little kid, "No one would ever think that something this beautiful was hidden behind the hills of all the Los Angeles hustle and bustle, huh?"

"It's gorgeous Jacob. Absolutely gorgeous. How did you find this place?" I murmured, trying to catch my breath and backing my way into the tiny clearing. It was almost a perfect square of twenty feet by twenty feet. As if God Himself gave us a small window to realize what beauty truly was.

"My dad. He used to take me and my mom up here when we were kids."

"Where is your family? Did you grow up here?" I asked, still taking in the magnificence of the clearing .

"Born, bred, and raised. My sisters live in Pasadena. My dad…he's...around."

"And your mom?"

"Dead. That's when we stopped coming here. When she died, the allure was no longer here for my dad. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I've been here in a while."

I turned towards his sitting figure. He had begun to play with a stray piece of straw that stuck out of the wicker picnic basket nervously.

"I'm sorry…about your mom. I didn't mean…." I stammered.

A small smile escaped the side of his mouth as he began to pick at blades of grass, "It's not a big deal, Isabella. She's been gone a few years."

He said the words, but I knew he didn't really mean them.

Obviously he wasn't comfortable talking about his family, so I attempted to change the subject, "What's your favorite color?"

Shocked by the sudden change in conversation, Jacob looked up at me and smiled, "Red."

Through the thick blades of grass I saw the white petals of a daisy. "Why red?"

"Because you look beautiful in it."

I picked the daisy from it's bed and brought it to my nose. The smell was delicious and sweet.

"You like daisies?"

"I love them," I replied a little too quickly.

"Why? It seems like such a plain Jane type of flower." Jacob uncorked the bottle of wine, brought two glasses out of the picnic basket, and poured me a large glass. I walked over and took it from him, taking a sip and sinking into the grass patch beside him.

"Because it's just that. Plain. Ordinary. Like me."

"There is nothing ordinary about you, Bells. You are so…so…"

I turned to face him and smiled, "I'm what?"

It was then that everything seemed to stop. The cool breeze. The chirping crickets. The rustle of leaves. It was like the world waited on bated breath for him to say it.

"Extraordinary."

I began to give him a coy smile and turn my head and tell him that he was nuttier than a fruitcake, but instead, I felt his warm hand on my cheek, guiding my face back to his. My heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly.

"I haven't known you for very long, Isabella, so forgive me for being forward," he began, his thumb gently tracing my bottom lip.

I could swear he could hear my heart, beating so fast it was ready to pop out of my chest.

_His face was inches from mine, his breath blowing across my face like a sweet aphrodisiac, "There's something about you…that I haven't seen in any other woman…"_

_Mesmerized by the soft beckoning of his eyes, I fell for him._

__

Right then.

"Promise me something?" I said softly.

"I would promise you the world, angel."

"Don't fall for me."

Through the shy beam of soft white light, I saw Jacob's rigid face soften into a wide grin, "Too late. I fell for you the moment you looked at me."

_And with mouths purely incapable of lies, hearts not willing to foresee the bad, and with eyes still full of hope, we kissed._

_His kiss was not what I had anticipated it would be. Not over-wrought with confidence and brimming with bold passion. Not like what I had known of Jacob Black at all._

_It was instead the exact opposite._

_The kiss was soft, tender and almost…_

_Vulnerable._

_His hand rested gently against my cheek as we continued a kiss that was on such a different level of gentility that I was used to, it nearly took my breath away._

_And as soon as it began, it ended. Jacob pulled his warm lips from mine, looking at the ground, an expression of guilt tampering with his devastatingly handsome good looks._

"_I'm…I'm sorry, Bells. That was not…really…supposed to happen."_

_Confused, I gave him a half-smile, "Why are you sorry?"_

"_That was forward of me. I've never kissed a girl on the first date before like that…" he trailed off almost befuddled by his actions. _

"_I don't quite understand, Jacob." And to be honest, I was still confused._

"_I haven't…I never…"_

_His face turned from guilt to confusion._

"_You never what?" I pressed, placing my hand over his, catching his gaze._

_Finally, Jacob looked up at me, the light of the moon catching a glint in his eye, "I've never met a woman quite like you. Not since…"_

_The incoming storm clouds matched only a fraction of the hurt on Jacob's face. A look I had never seen in a man before. One I wanted to take away so badly._

"_Not since what?"_

_I wanted to take away that sad face. I needed to make everything all right for him. To take an eraser and scrub away anything and everything the man had seen in the past few years to make him hurt so._

_What could possibly make a man so confident and secure a wretched mess on the inside?_

_Still remaining silent, staring at each other, almost in understanding, I lifted my finger to his stubborn jaw to trace the hard etching of his chiseled features. Every line I passed over was like erasing a hard hand drawn pencil mark._

_Slowly, he was relaxing. _

_Softening._

_He closed his eyes after a few moments, our faces just inches apart. Intrigued, I kept moving my finger over the lines of his face. _

_One after another._

"_You're not as confident when you're out here," I said as I withdrew my touch._

_Jacob's eyes fluttered open, "It's you. You have this way of breaking down a well-built barricade."_

"_Are you telling me you are surrounded?" I chided playfully, sitting my bottom on the back of my calves. _

_Without an ounce of playfulness, he replied, "My heart is." _

_Looking down at my hands, Jacob unfolded my fist. I didn't realize I had put a strangle hold on the poor daisy I found only moments ago. _

_The pathetic flower drooped and looked ragged after being within my overzealous fingers._

"_When you picked this little flower, it was vibrant and relishing in its life, ready to weather the incoming storm. It stood on a strong stem while its petals were full and ready for the rain so it could continue to thrive. Then you picked it. After a few moments in your hand it became withered and ragged, right?"_

"_Are you attempting to make me feel bad for picking the damn flower?" I joked._

_Jacob gave me another amused looked, "I don't ever want to make you feel bad for anything, angel. But I am saying all it took was a few moments. Just like my heart."_

_My smile faded into a look of concern as his face fell to the ground, right along with the daisy in his hand._

_He continued, his jaw going back to its original state of rigidity, "When my mother died, my father died with her. And my sisters and I…well, we got replaced by a bottle of Johnnie Walker and a glass."_

_It was then that I realized his pain was so much like my own. Losing a parent wasn't easy in any form. Abandonment was always what it was: The act of surrendering a claim to, or interest in, a particular asset. In essence, leaving behind the person you love to fight the battles that should have been fought together. _

_At that very moment, I decided he wouldn't be alone. He didn't have to be anymore. _

_I laid the flower in my palm, watching his expression through my lashes, "Pain has a way of bringing about beautiful things, Jacob."_

_Suddenly, that charming smile was back, "You must think I am a total drag, don't you angel?"_

_His change in demeanor through me off-kilter for a moment; Jacob's smile was like a light switch. _

_Stumbling through my words like a teenager, I replied, "Of course not. I like you….I mean…I like the fact that you can confide in me like this….I like it."_

He's just like you...Covering up the pain, never fixing it…just dealing with it. Learning to live with it.

"_After all that, you still like me?" His grin widened with each word that passed his lips, but his eyes spoke a different story. Even in the moonlight, I could tell he was nervous of what my response would be._

Once again, just like you, on…and off. The smile is the mask.

_The words spilled forth in a rush, "What's not to like? I mean you're a very handsome, smart, and witty man. What girl wouldn't love to have you on their arm?" _

That's being sensitive, Swan. Would you like to tell him how he's making you pool your panties right now, too?

_In the darkness, I watched as one of his ebony eyebrows shot to the sky in amusement, "The question isn't posed to just any girl… the question is, would /i_youi _love to have me on your arm?"_

Would. Love. To.

_I felt the rush of blood invade my cheeks as he began to inch his face closer to mine, "Well…if you would be so inclined to offer your arm to me…in fact, if the offer was made…I…I would love the pleasure of your company any day of the week, Jacob."_

Kiss me…please…

"_Would it be unusually forward of me to ask you what you are doing tomorrow night? Or the next night? What about the night after that?" _

_His breath became intoxicating. I wanted to be with this man. To fix him. To love him.  
_

Or maybe…the rest of my life?

_I leaned into his lips a little more, almost begging to be kissed, "It would be unusually forward, Jacob. As a matter of fact, it would be downright bold of you to ask, but it couldn't hurt. To ask, I mean…" I paused as he leaned in even closer to my lips, and then continued breathlessly, "To ask me. Out. On another evening. Out."_

_I had lost all train of thought as his hot breath blew ragged and shallow across my lips._

"_So, is that a yes, angel?"_

_I nodded once. Slowly._

Yes. Without a doubt. Be mine. Let me be your angel.

_Without a brush of his lips against mine, he playfully pushed away from me, stood, and helped me off the ground in the process. Our wine glasses left sitting on top of the picnic basket._

_Our lips never meeting. _

_He was a tease._

Or scared. Very, very scared.

_Taking only a few steps, I stopped in the midst of the small clearing. Realizing I wasn't going anywhere, he asked, "You okay? Are you cold?"_

_I nodded once with a small smile, "Mmhmm…"_

_Jacob delicately wrapped me into his strong arms, pulling me close," Better?"_

_His bicep muscles flexed as a cool breeze peppered his arms in gooseflesh, as I nodded once more, "Much better."_

_For once in a long time, I felt secure. _

Safe.

_I could have died in those arms that night. _

_If it were Edward Cullen, instead of Jacob Black.  
_

_

* * *

_

Unexpected tears were washing down my cheeks as those memories had the audacity to come back and haunt me.

It was a different time. A different place. Two very different people.

Yearning for the safety net Jacob used to provide me with, I allowed him to pull me into his arms again.

Once I was in his arms again, I felt it. The sense of security of his cage-like embrace that I remembered.

The tears kept flowing. For someone who had not cried in years, I seemed to be shedding a lot of them as of late. Jacob patted the back of my hair as we stood there holding each other in the rose garden, his lips pressed into the top of my head.

It was the most endearing thing the man had done in a long time.

"Baby, come home to me." His voice was almost pleading, his grip tightening as if I was going to run from him.

"I can't, Jake. I just can't." I shook my head into his chest.

"Yes…yes, you can."

I looked up into his baby brown eyes, "No, I cannot. Us? Together? We don't work."

Jacob pushed away from me, taking a step back, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets, "I'll be different Bells…Angel, baby, please…we'll be different…"

"Jacob, listen to me…I'm in love with him."

A pained look crossed his crestfallen face as he kicked at a loose clod of dirt, "You can keep telling me that. Over and over and over again until you are blue in the face but you cannot tell my heart that. My heart doesn't understand, Bells. My mind? It comprehends that you have fallen out of love with me. But my heart doesn't. My heart…it hurts. And every time I see you…with him…I die a little. My heart dies."

"Jacob…what do you want?" I was at a loss. He was breaking me. I hated seeing him miserable. And it was never my intent to make him more wretched on the inside than he was in the beginning. I wanted to fix him. To make him better.

_The road to hell is paved with good intentions._

Suddenly as if hit by a brilliant idea, Jacob looked up, brought me back into his embrace, looking at me through his long ebony lashes, "Isabella Swan, I love you. I loved you the moment I saw you. And when I took you on that first date, after we went on the motorcycle ride, what did you say to me?"

That's when I smiled. I knew what I said to him. I knew I meant it. To a certain degree. And it might have been a little too presumptuous, but Jacob and I were on the same page in our lives at the time.

We both needed someone.

Because that night, after he took me for a ride, standing along the rim of Los Angeles, staring at all the beautiful city lights, he said that he knew he was in love with me. And when I asked him how he could know something like that so soon, his reply was one word.

_Destiny._

"What did you say?" he pressed.

"I said, like a fog around a mountain, we were meant to be together." Another tear escaped my eye.

Jacob pressed his forehead gently to mine, and whispered, "And so softly, I said to you…forever. We would be together forever. Not six months. Not a year. Forever. Through anything and everything the world tossed at us. I gave you my word, Isabella. When I slipped that ring on your precious finger, I swore I would love you until my death."

I closed my eyes, taking in his words as if they were a sweet lullaby.

He continued, the caring lips I remembered kissing away my tears, all the while, whispering over and over like a mantra, "I said forever, angel."

Before I could shake off the resurrection of memories he had brought to me, Jacob's lips were pressed against mine in a deep amorous kiss.

And for a half a second, I was lost in it. Lost in my memories of us. Me and Jacob. Our life together. Any anger that I was harboring had suddenly dissipated like an L.A. rain storm.

Jacob pulled away from me, a smile on his lips, "Come home, Isabella."

That's when I heard someone clear their throat.

It wasn't me.

Nor was it Jacob.

Looking over my shoulder to see who was behind me, I caught a vivid glimpse of what anger, disappointment, and shame truly looked like.

And it was right then that Crystal's words hit me like a ton of bricks.

_One stone, Bells. This is your stone._

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," Edward spat sucking on a cigarette.

I swallowed. Hard.

The stone was cast. The house was broken. Shattered.

In desperation, I tried to think of something. Anything.

And for once, I couldn't.

Instead, I looked like a kid with her hands caught in the cookie jar.

One step away from Jacob turned into two. And three. And four. Until I was in between both of them.

I looked up at Jacob who gave Edward a sinister smile.

Then to Edward, who was glaring at me.

And there I was.

Lost.

Breaking the silence, Jacob said in a smug tone, 'Since when is it not alright to kiss my wife, Cullen?"

Edward looked right at me, "Isabella, would you mind explaining…this…_this shit?"_

After a moment, he continued in a thunderous voice, "You end up in a fucking hospital bed at the hand of this man, and the first time we're separated by more then a few feet, you run back to him? What in the hell is wrong with you?"

Shocked by his harsh words, I stumbled back once as if his words physically jolted me, "Don't yell at me, Edward! If you let me explain—"

"Let you explain? There's nothing to explain. I saw everything. You in his arms! You pushing your lips to his. It's painfully obvious!"

A pang of terror lassoed my heart, "Edward, please…"

But the truth was, I didn't know how to explain it.

"She still loves me, Cullen," I heard Jacob reply.

Stunned, I found myself not saying anything.

Edward clenched his fist, stalked his way over to me, took a heavy drag of his smoke, and then threw it on the ground. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he stood over me, "Is that true, Bella? Do you still love him?"

For in fact, I would always be in love with Jacob. Somehow, some way, we did have a bond. It was far from what Edward and I had, but it was different, and I had no idea how to respond to it.

I was confused.

And getting somewhat defensive in the process.

I looked over at Jake, "We've had this conversation before Edward. And if you don't get it yet, maybe you won't ever get it."

"You'll always love him? Him? Then where does that leave me, Bella? Where does that leave us?"

"Out on your ass, it looks like," Jacob replied.

"Shut your goddamn mouth, Black!" Edward spat in an icy tone that could have pummeled a brick wall.

Shaking my head I turned my full attention back to Edward, "No that's not what I meant. I love you. More than anything in this world. And I always will, but you have to understand-"

Edward stepped away from me, taking his hands out of his pockets, waving them from me to Jacob, "No! Not acceptable, Isabella! I don't have to understand this. I don't have to understand a certain bond you two may share."

That's when I lost. Everything.

My voice became a ball of tension, "This is not about just you and me! This is about Jacob too!"

"When is it not about him? You know, Bella, when you came to me a few weeks ago, you knew what you wanted. Or you seemed to. You said you had always wanted me. And I told you, I wanted you from the beginning. Since the day in the soda shop, I wanted you. And this," his fingers motioning between the two of us while he continued, "is about us! Not him. Not Crystal. Not my sister. Not my family or yours. Us! You and me, love. Just you and me."

I looked over at Jacob who had started smoking another Chesterfield, cool as a cucumber.

"Don't look at him, Bella," Edward demanded, bringing my attention back to him.

"It's a free country last time I checked, Cullen. Besides, I think my wife has a mind of her own."

Edward grabbed me by the shoulders ignoring Jacob, "Look at me, dammit! You have a choice to make, love. Me or him?"

I pulled out of his grasp.

How dare he give me an ultimatum? Edward knew how I felt.

"I can't be here…I have to leave." I started to back up towards the backyard gates that lead to the front of the house.

Jacob and Edward both started to walk towards me. I put my hands up, "Without you two. I'm leaving."

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Edward replied, obvious panic settling into his voice.

Flustered, I turned on my heel, replying, "Goodbye."

"Goodbye? What do you mean goodbye?" Desperation had returned to Jacob's voice.

"I mean goodbye, Jacob. Until I can clear the garbage out of my head. It's goodbye. Not goodnight or see you tomorrow. It's goodbye."

The sound of the layers of fabric of my dress rustled as I turned to Edward, "Know this Edward Cullen, in my heart I have always loved you. From the beginning. And for you as well, it's goodbye."

"And what about me?" Jacob called out as I darted through the double gates towards the row of cars that populated the driveway in the front yard.

I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

Not yet.

* * *

I checked into the Chateau Marmont and got a simple cottage at the back of the hotel. I didn't want to be bothered and was told this was the most secluded place in the hotel, next to the suite that was given to Edward and me.

From what I was ambiguously told at check-in, Howard Hughes may have been the current tenant.

Throwing my overnight case on the bed, I stood in the middle of the bedroom and for the first time felt the loneliness of the moment.

For once in a very long time, there were no arms to run to.

It was just me, in an empty room, left to think about what I wanted. No one to tell me what I could and could not do. No one to deliver ultimatums.

No one to love. And no one to love me back.

And for that, I became despairingly sad.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I sank into the feather bed. I thought a long hot shower and some sleep would be the best thing. I could be alone.

I was alone when I came to this city. I could be alone now.

It was a simple thing. I needed to be away from the Hollywood hustle and bustle for a while. Clear my head so I could love Edward with my whole heart.

_What if you lose him in the process, Swan?_

That was a chance I had to take.

_And what about this baby? Are you going to take care of this baby? Alone?_

I hugged myself a little tighter. Another round of tears overcoming me.

_If need be. Alone._

Remembering the hurt look on Edward's face terrified me. I had hurt him. Caused him pain and anguish over the past few days.

_Just like you hurt Jacob. Just like you hurt your mother. _

I deserved everything I got when I walked outside with Jacob.

Crystal was right. As usual.

It almost made me sick that I let Edward go.

_You had to. You had to walk away. From both of them. You don't know what you want. Hell, you can barely make up your mind when you order at the local café._

The pain in my heart throbbed uncontrollably.

_You deserve it. All the pain you caused, Swan. You deserve it._

I did. As well as anything else Edward thought was merited.

I unzipped my overnight bag. It was close to midnight and I had a trip to ready myself for. Alice would meet me at the Greyhound bus depot with my clothes and such for my stay in Forks.

A place I hadn't been back to in a year.

It was time to face the skeletons.

It was time to go home.

* * *

As I was towel drying my long locks after my shower, there was a soft knock at the door. I scowled. I had told the bellboy, no disruptions the rest of the night.

No exceptions.

The knock came again, just as soft as the first time.

_Mental note…Next time, slip him a twenty. His hearing may be better._

I pulled my silk robe tighter around me, took a glance in the mirror noticing I still had my mascara on from the evening, and opened the front door.

Like an angel of light, there he stood.

Hands stuffed mercilessly into his khaki trouser pockets, a cigarette hanging lazily from his lips. A wrinkled grey cotton shirt thrown on in a haphazard fashion. His hair was a tousled sexy mess while his stubble had grown in a little deeper. There was no way around things; this man could arouse any woman in any state of mind.

We stood staring at each other for a long minute, both of us obviously trying to determine who should speak first.

Instead, Edward took a long drag of his cigarette, and then flicked the butt into the wet bushes. As he exhaled he said in a hurried tone, "I only came by for a minute, so you can stand there and listen or you can invite me in. Either way, it's up to you."

I stepped aside, "Please come in."

As he walked in and I closed the door, he said, "Alice said you were going away for a while. That you needed to get away."

I crossed my arms, walked over to the vanity and leaned my weight against it, "Yes, that's right."

The longer he stayed, the harder it would be for me to leave. And I knew that.

"I deserve more than three word answers! Goddammit!"

"Jacob deserved more than what I was giving him too, Edward."

"Fuck, Bella! The bastard deserved nothing after what he did to you. Especially after what he did to you a few nights ago!" Edward ran a frustrated hand through his locks. Then I heard a large growl begin to resonate from his chest. His fists curled and before I knew it, he pulled back and let loose into the wall behind him.

"What are you doing?" I screamed, infuriated.

Within a few long strides, Edward was behind me, spinning me to face the vanity's mirror. He secured his left arm around my waist so I couldn't move and placed his right arm half way around my chest, pressing his hand across my forehead, stretching my neck out for me to see my own reflection.

Through clenched teeth, he seethed, "Look at your neck. Look at what he's done to you!"

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see. Because what Edward didn't realize, what he didn't want to see was that those marks were remnants of pain I deserved from Jacob.

Pain I had caused him that he gave back to me.

"Goddammit look at them, Isabella!" His strained voice raised two octaves.

Through blind tears, my eyelids fluttered open. The bruises were yellowed with small tufts of purple and blue still prevalent behind them.

"I instigated that! When are you going to see that?" I screamed.

His voice dropped to a hush in my ear, "When are you going to see that love and pain do not exist in the same equation?"

Edward removed his secure grasp from my body, and my flight or fight intuition kicked in. Immediately, I turned around and slapped him across the face. Hard.

A look of disgust crossed my features, "Love, beauty, fame, wealth…it all comes from pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something."

A flash of mental torment played his sensitive eyes as he rubbed the obvious sting from his cheek, "Is that what you think, Isabella? Or is that Jacob talking?"

In a reckless act of anger, I slung my hand back to slap him a second time, but instead he caught my wrist, pushing me into the wall next to the hole he created. His body pressed roughly against mine as he pinned me there.

My breathing was ragged and raspy as I screamed, "What do you want from me?"

"Do you love me?" Edward hissed through clenched teeth.

"What do you want from me?" I repeated, still yelling.

"I want you to see how much you're hurting me." The look in Edward's eyes was almost like a pained madman.

Wild.

Crazy.

Spastic spurts of breath ran low and rough from my lungs as he pushed himself off of me and took a step back, releasing me.

In a sadistic way, I wanted to hurt him. Stab him in the heart and make him suffer as much as he had made me suffer over the past year. For allowing me to marry Jacob when he knew what a bastard he truly was. For making this situation what it was.

And, most importantly, just so he would hurt me back and give me what I rightfully deserved.

_Pain…my punishment…my source of redemption._

The only way I knew how to make Edward do what I wanted was to antagonize him. Provoke him to wrath…just like I used to with Jacob.

_It's the only way you'll get away. You need to get away. Edward won't leave if you don't…_

It's what I used to do to Jacob.

I smiled a sinister snarl, walked over to the vanity and pulled out a cigarette from my box of Chesterfield's. As I lit it, I saw the mess in the mirror. Mascara lines dripped down my face in hard black streaks from my tears.

I knew what it took to drive a man away.

_Provocation. _

And that's exactly what I was good at.

After I lit the tube of tobacco, my antagonistic grin still plastered to my face like a demented clown, I said, "You're weak. Jacob was right all along. Maybe you're not right for me…maybe my place _is _next to Jacob."

And that was it.

Sucking on the life of the cigarette, I began walking back to Edward, who looked angrier than I had ever seen him. I just wanted him to slap me. Just once. So I could feel his pain.

_You're a masochist._

When he failed to respond, I blew smoke in his face and said again, slowly, "You are a weak, arrogant fool who is nothing like the man I married."

Before the last word left my lips, Edward had my body pinned once more against the wall. The cigarette lay loosely between my fingertips.

With a strong hand, he took it from me, placed it between his own lips, took a drag and blew it in my face, "Is this what you want? You want me to be cruel like him? Will that make you_ love_ me like you love him?"

"Yes," I spat through clenched teeth. I wanted to feel his pain. I wanted him to give me what I deserved. Everything I had done to him, I wanted in return ten-fold.

_Because you are a masochist, Swan. _

Edward pressed his body closer to me, as he continued in a low raspy voice, "You want to know what pain is? You want to know what you've put me through. How crazy you've made me?"

Whimpering, I replied almost quietly, "Yes…."

He tore the half extinguished cigarette butt from his lips, throwing it onto the wooden floor of the room and stomping on it with his boot. He secured both of my wrists with his right hand while his left hand tugged at his trousers until they were around his knees. His cock sprang free from his shorts as he shimmied them down to his ankles.

"I am _not_ Jacob. I am not him. Do you understand that?" he fermented lividly.

His body was tense and rigid against mine; pulsating in anger.

And for a brief moment, our eyes connected as I said with disdain, "That's right, Edward…you will _never_ be him."

His left hand slid down the curve of my body roughly grabbing at the flimsy silk.

Nestling his mouth into my neck, shielding his eyes from me, he whispered in a hoarse voice, "Tell me…"

I felt the fabric tug around his clenched fist.

"No," I whispered angrily.

I just wanted to be connected with him. To feel something.

Anything.

Pain. Pleasure. Love. Hate. Anger. Frustration. Joy.

Anything.

It didn't matter anymore.

I just wanted to be physically connected to the man I truly loved.

Releasing the expensive fabric, his fist hit the wall once more in frustration, "Tell me, dammit!"

Flinching, I swallowed hard. What I was about to do would hurt the most.

I caught his gaze, begging him with my eyes to understand, but knowing he never would. The word came out in a harsh breath, "No."

Without any warning he ripped the silk gown I was wearing from my body, sending it to the floor. He craved the three words we both loved to hear, "Please, Isabella, tell me…tell me that you love me. Tell me you're mine…"

I shook my head for the last time, willing my own tears not to fall as his came down his face in a rush.

I wanted to hold him. To tell him I loved him more than my own life. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Instead, I looked at him disgusted.

"Make me yours!" I replied in a fiery tone.

It was at that moment he thrust himself into me, filling my body with his length.

I gasped as he pummeled hard and fast. My head hit the wall, sending a shrill pain down my neck.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he cried.

_Because I am no good for you…I'm sorry, Edward. _

Hoisting my legs around his waist, I pulled myself around him as best as I could considering he still held my wrists shackled above us in a death grip.

Sweat and tears ran down his face. I felt his body tense dramatically. He was almost there.

I didn't care about my release. Just feeling him inside of me was enough. Just the sheer fact that he wanted me…_needed_ me… was all I wanted.

Within a moment, he shuddered within me; both of us panting like we had run a thousand miles.

He pulled his face from the curve of my neck, stopped for a moment as if he were going to say something, and then released my wrists from his prison of flesh. My arms drooped to his shoulders. I shied my arms from his as if I had been burned; I didn't deserve to even touch the skin of his shoulders.

Slowly, he set me down. My legs were rubbery and weak.

Without a word, he pulled up his pants from around his ankles and turned, swiping his black leather belt from the floor.

I didn't know what to say or do, so I just stood there lamely against the wall.

Beginning to wipe the teary mascara from my cheeks, he ran a hand through his hair, lit up a cigarette, and started out the door.

I wanted to run after him. Tell him I was sorry. Tell him how much I loved him.

_If I did that, I would never leave. I would stay and I would hurt him. _

Again.

_Never fixing me._

No words were spoken between us as he walked slowly to the door of the room. Looking over his shoulder as he was halfway through the doorway, he exhaled a fog of tobacco smoke around himself. For a second, he looked like an apparition of sorts. Unreal. A figment of my imagination.

And then he spoke.

In an almost inaudible hush, he asked, "Why did you make me do that, Isabella?"

"I…I…"

He never waited for my response.

The door clicked shut before I could finish.

_I'm sorry._

And like a ghost, he was gone.

All was silent.

Hugging my arms around my naked stomach, the pangs of terror and dread came like waves in a tsunami.

_What have you done? _

I slid my flesh down the wall until I hit the floor.

_He doesn't operate like Jake…he's not him._

Curling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs, holding tight.

"_You'll never be him…"_

Trying to keep myself from falling apart.

I was alone.

Scared.

_You're Jacob's deteriorated daisy. Your heart picked and left._

I really was the daisy.

_Withered._

My body began to shake uncontrollably.

_What have I done?_

Heaving sobs overcame me.

_I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry, Edward._

I was bruised.

_Broken._

Almost unfixable.

_Almost._

But there was always room for redemption.

For everyone_._

Including me.

* * *

_**A/N: Please don't throw stones….I know you're hating me right now, but please don't. I swear the next chapter is already brewing (Scout's Honor)…chapter thirty-two will be coming by the weekend's end, you won't have to wait long. So, if you loved it, hated it, whatever…tell me…well, and if you hate it, at least just be nice about it LOL…Smooches & Stars, Dah-lings! XOXOXOXOX ~Cozzy**_

_**Notes & Such:  
**_

_**I watch a lot of movies (over 900 line my DVD shelves, so yea…I watch movies), with that being said, there are writers of scripts who shine in brilliance as much as the actors who play their characters. **_

_**There are two movies I quote from in this chapter. One is from **_**The Princess Bride**_**...the line from the movie is, "Love is pain, highness and anyone who says different is selling something" (Carey Elwes to Robin Wright-Penn). I have skewed the line to make it Bella's, but just so you know, the movie was my inspiration. The second line is from the movie **_**Mermaids**_**, when Cher is yelling to Winona Ryder as she is leaving on a fishing trip with the guy of her dreams. Cher yells out, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" and then whispers quietly to herself, "Or anything I would…".**_

_**Also, this chapter was heavily charged and dripping with music. That's how I write and on occasion, just like movies, I will perhaps pull a line from a song in the story because it inspires me so damn much. **_

_**With that being said, Concrete Blonde heavily inspired the 2**__**nd**__** part of this chapter. Johnette Napolitano is a fucking genius and I love her. When Bella says to Jacob, "Like a fog around a mountain, we were meant to be together"…that is a direct quote from their song, Lullaby. **_


	33. Chapter 32

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…you're right…only we find certain things funny…I wonder why…love you & thank you. :)**_

_**More Love: To my gal pals, by now you know your names…thank you so much, you mean the world to me…there are more Darby-isms to come…just wait…**_

___**Please take a listen to Skillet's song, Monster…**_

_**~Chapter Thirty-two (BPOV)~**_

Grief.

_The keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret._

Misery.

_Great mental or emotional distress; extreme unhappiness._

Sadness.

_Affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful._

I was connected to each one, or rather; each one was strapped to me like pieces of explosive ready to ignite the remains of my already-damaged heart.

_The dynamite had been set ablaze._

The black hole of loneliness began to deepen with every passing minute that I lay on the cold wooden floor of my hotel room.

Naked, alone, and crying.

"_Fire in the hole!"_

The ache of despair had spread from my heart to my belly, piercing me to the core. It was the same feeling I had when my mother left me.

_And each stick of TNT blew up the decimated remains of my insides. _

It was a feeling of consuming affliction through the shattered pieces of a broken heart.

Somewhere in the distance the bells of a church groaned four times.

And just as a woman who had lost her way in a dark forest of agony, I began to laugh with senseless abandon into the throes of my suffering.

_You drove him away..._

Through pain and agony at the ludicrous imagery I played over and over in my head, like a cartoon.

…_just like her…_

I laughed because my tears had dried up. My chest hurt from sobbing.

…_just like Jacob._

And I was desperate. So fucking desperate.

For his touch.

_His hands roamed my body, memorizing each curve as if his life depended on it. As if he would lose me._

His love.

"_I want you. Just you. Not the cheese cake model. Not the woman everyone sees on a poster. Just you."_

And his words.

"_Tell me…"_

"_I love you, Edward."_

But after a while, even the pitiful laugh subsided and my tearful anguish began to overtake me once more.

The minutes that passed turned into hours and before long, the sun began to peek its way through the butter yellow curtains of the room. To most people it would be the breaking of a new day; what some would call a new dawn.

_Edward's long muscular legs were wrapped around my waist, while his arms clung to me lazily like a cage formed out of pure unadulterated love and affection. _

_The sun hit the stark white sheets, caressing our toes. As the rays of the rising sun kissed our naked bodies, we talked about everything and anything: Work, what we wanted in life, children, places we wanted to visit…everything….almost. _

_We didn't speak of the one thing he wanted to ask but never did. _

_My mother. My past._

_He placed his lips along the curve of my neck sending a small shiver through me as he spoke, "I love mornings."_

_I chuckled softly, turning my mouth towards his, "Why?"_

"_My mother always used to tell us, another morning means a new day. A time to start over. A time to have a fresh start. No matter what happened the night before, you always had tomorrow." He continued to speckle soft kisses down my neck to my shoulder, the rough stubble of his facial hair gently grazing the sensitive skin. _

_Our lips barely touched as I replied, "Live like you don't have tomorrow… that's what my mother used to say."_

_His eyes fluttered shut as a smile graced his lips, "We'll always have tomorrow, love."_

_Instead of pushing the argument, I caressed my lips against his. Softly. Tenderly. Seductively._

_Because I knew tomorrow was promised to no man._

_And we were no different._

To me, it meant nothing. The world could have imploded and it didn't matter to me.

All I knew was he never came back for me.

_He may never come back._

He didn't turn around.

_And don't count on it, either._

I took the risk.

_And lost._

The day's rays burned bright and I still hadn't moved one inch from my spot on the floor. I didn't have the energy to get up. Not for myself. Not even for the life that resided inside of me.

In the distance the telephone rang.

But it didn't matter. Nothing did.

Internal suffering wasn't enough; penance was to be paid.

My face was numb, my left foot was asleep, and my eyelids felt like heavy plates of steel, but I stayed on that floor going through every conceivable memory of Edward.

My mind was my own personal picture show. Every frame reminding me of what I had.

Each snapshot was like rubbing a piece of broken glass over my forearm in the same spot over and over again, cutting through the sinewy flesh and exposing the muscle fibers and the veins until finally exposing the bone.

It was a manifestation of the truth.

One image after another.

The coy smile he would get after I would tell him what a beautiful job he did on our shoots. The way he dragged his hand through his hair. The mischievous twinkle in his eye he would acquire when he would surprise me with something. His faraway look as he took my picture.

The way his lips moved and his face lit up when I would tell him I loved him.

And the way he looked when I didn't tell him.

When I refused to tell him.

"_Tell me, dammit!"_

_I caught his gaze, begging him with my eyes to understand, but knowing he never would. The word came out in a harsh breath, "No."_

The look of a defeated madman.

"_Why did you make me do that, Isabella?"  
_

His pain was now mine.

And as much as I wanted to rid myself of the torment, I hung onto it like a child with its security blanket. It was the only tangible thing that I owned that was once Edward's. Something that belonged to him that I now possessed.

In a strange, contorted way, it was comforting.

_"We are maladjusted misfits, Edward."_

The warm orange light that bled through the room turned to beautiful hues of dark blues and majestic purples. Night had come again.

And the floor became my best friend.

I wasn't quite sure how many hours had passed; I didn't care. My mind was only concerned about one person.

Edward Cullen.

_Why did you hurt him? Why did you make him leave? He was more than willing to take you for who you were._

_I needed to think. They were both confusing me._

_What's the confusion? He loves you. For whom you are. Not what you are._

_Jacob was that perfect man. Once._

_No he wasn't. You attempted to mold him into what Edward was._

No, Jacob was never the perfect man. I knew that now. Seeing that pained expression on Edward's face was proof enough that I was wrong.

_Chances are he's gone. _

_But you never know…_

Chances are I was right for once. My good intentions were paving the road to hell for me.

_But what if there was a chance he still loved me after this? _

_Then what's after this? Telling him about my mother? Telling him how I drove her to leave as well?_

Regret-ridden sobs began to break my chest open once again as my mother's lovely face began to haunt me. But seeing her face in my mind's eye unleashed yet another set of memories.

All the people I hurt.

The ones I drove away.

The two men I loved.

The one I cared about.

_Jacob…_

And the one I most desired and would love for the rest of my life.

_Edward._

"What have I done? I just wanted love. That's it…" I croaked, the familiar sound of my voice echoing off the emptiness.

_You had love. You had your everything._

I did.

Past tense.

Like everything I loved. They ended up in my past.

"_Don't ever be like me, my sweet Isabella…my darling…"_

It was far easier for me to curl up in a ball and drift in and out of lucid consciousness with my memories than it was to get up.

Just me and my memories.

Of Edward…

_The warmth of his hands glided over my body as the words of Sarah Vaughan dripped through the speaker of his phonograph._

"_Goddamn, you are beautiful. You are mine. You are loved, my sweet Bella."_

Of Jacob…

_Under a thick blanket on the living room couch, sitting in front of our large fireplace, Jacob pulled me closer, hugging me to his thick body, tenderly stroking the tips of my chestnut locks with his fingers, "You are my angel. Forever."_

_I buried my head into his chest, "Do you promise?"_

"_No, do you promise?" I could hear his smile burn through his words. _

"_I promise."_

"_Don't ever leave me, Bells," he murmured kissing the top of my head._

Slowly but surely things began to melt together, including the rings of the telephone that joined hands with the ringing of the church bells.

Just like my memories of Edward.

Melting.

One memory into another.

I turned back onto my side and curled up into a ball, waiting for sleep to overcome my being once again. It was the only semblance of peace I had.

Closing my eyes, allowing the lids to pass over my dry eyes, I heard a sharp noise. Like flesh rapping against wood.

Ignoring it, I turned my body away from the noise, pulling my knees to my chest, closing my eyes once more in hopes of succumbing to the darkness.

Instead I heard the door crash open.

And then the rush of voices. Familiar voices.

Alice and Emmett. And someone I didn't recognize.

Someone I didn't give a rat's ass about.

"She's been in here for only twenty-four hours, Mrs. Whitlock. We didn't think of checking on her." The shaky unfamiliar voice made a plea-driven attempt to get on Alice's good side.

"I know _how long_ she's been here, but what I want to know is has she been out, you twit? Ordered food? Asked for new towels? Shit in the woods? Anything? Anything at all? Work with me!"

After a few short moments, I heard Alice cry out in frustration, "Ugh! Never mind. Here's a twenty to leave us alone…and another forty to find something to do that has nothing to do with this room. Understood?"

"Yes, Mrs. Whitlock. Whatever you would like…You know at the Château, we pride ourselves on discretion."

"Yes, I know. Thank you. Now make yourself scarce."

"Have a nice day ma'am," the nervous voice seemed happy to be done with us.

I heard the door click shut. The room was dark again.

_Thank God._

Alice's flowery fragrance hung over me like a warm cocoon.

I felt a set of small warm hands grasp my shoulder with a gentle hand, "Isabella? Sweetheart? Emmett, grab the blanket off of the bed."

"She's naked…you know she's naked right?" I heard Emmett reply in a thoughtful tone.

"Really, Sherlock Holmes? Why do you think I asked for the blanket? I'm not cold, you twit! It's to cover her! Besides, this woman's private parts have been flashed from here to Kingdom Come over the course of the past year, I don't think she cares that her naked behind is exposed in an empty hotel room."

Like feathers falling from heaven, warmth hit my skin as I was covered and lifted from the floor into arms of steel. My head felt like a bowling ball as I snuggled deeper into Emmett's chest. He smelled good. Almost like Edward.

"She's a mess, Alice…we should call him-"

"No!" The sharpness in Alice's voice made me cringe back into the humongous force that held me close, "Look at the room, Emmett…Isabella, sweetheart…are you hurt?"

_In my heart…I hurt in my heart, Alice._

I shook my head slightly. I heard her words, but I didn't care to answer her out loud. If I let words escape, I would end up in hysterics.

Was I hurt? Yes, I was beyond hurt. I was dead on the inside.

"She's shivering," Emmett's voice echoed in his chest.

"She's almost…catatonic," Alice said in a contemplative tone.

"Should we get Dad? I mean, don't you think she needs a doctor?" He paused for a brief moment, lowering his voice to a whisper, "Maybe we should call Crystal?"

"Are you nuts?" Alice gave a seething hiss, continuing, "She'll rip Edward's balls off. Again, did you look around, Em? This is the work of Edward and Bella."

"How do you know it wasn't Jake? He and Edward left the party at the same time."

Without a moment of hesitation Alice replied in a soft voice, placing her hand on my cheek, "Because Jacob would have used her face, not the wall." Pausing, her thumb made a gentle motion around my cheek before she continued with a slow sigh of what seemed like relief, "She doesn't have a mark on her, thank goodness."

_My heart is torn in two…don't you see it?_

Emmett made a feeble attempt at humor with a trace of a smile in his voice, "Want me to go rough him up a little? You know they say I am actually good at what I do."

Showing a small sign of life, I looked up at Alice as she said, "Do I look like I am in a humorous mood? Look, let's get her in the tub. I'll clean her up and get her…together. She'll go to Forks for a week or two…or three. She'll get herself together and come back a better person. That was her plan anyway, and to be honest with you, I think it's the right thing to do."

She pushed a stray strand of hair from my face and smiled delicately, "I'm going to go run a hot bath for you, honey. Okay?"

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said in a monotonous tone.

"It's alright….Everything is going to be alright," she cooed.

For a brief moment, I believed her.

* * *

With Alice's supportive hand, I stepped into the porcelain Queen Victoria tub and allowed the warm rose- fragranced bath water to consume my aching body.

After a few moments of silence, I watched Alice begin to fuss with a lush robe and some new lace undergarments, and then she began to meticulously lay out all of my toiletries, all without saying a word.

I could only imagine what she was thinking.

_It's your fault. For driving him away from you.  
_

Finally, I broke the silence, my tone dead and unattached, "I need a cigarette."

Within seconds, a lit tube of tobacco rested between my dry lips. I inhaled deeply allowing the nicotine to work its magic.

I heard her sigh, "A penny for your thoughts?"

My eyes fluttered shut as I rested my head against the wet porcelain. I didn't want to talk about it.

"What time does my bus leave?"

"Eight o'clock. You have plenty of time, honey." There was a slight hesitation before she continued, "What happened last night?"

"Where did Emmett go?" I tried to ignore her, keeping the conversation light.

Besides, I was in no mood to fuck around with any probing questions. Especially from Alice.

Irritation laced her normal twitter, "He went home. You know, Isabella, if you ever want to talk…"

The lids of my eyes popped open and for no apparent reason my defense mechanism began its evil reign, "I don't want to talk. And quite frankly, if you're _that_ interested maybe you should talk to _your_ brother."

Her face fell into a scrunched frown, a mixture of hurt and anger speckling her pristine porcelain skin.

I wasn't sure why I snapped. It was Alice, for Christ's sake. She was like my sister.

_You're defensive because you were, and are, entirely at fault for this mess. You. Not Edward. _

But because it was Alice, she snapped back, "I am not talking to my brother because he can be a self-loathing pain in the ass and no matter what happened here last night, he will find himself at fault."

I leaned my head back again, taking another drag, "So what are you saying? This was entirely my fault?"

"Grow up Isabella. Did I say that it was entirely your fault?"

"No, but you obviously insinuated it." I made smoke rings to entertain myself. The conversation was going nowhere fast and I wasn't going to tolerate being blamed for the current debacle.

_Edward made me do those things. _

_He would have never left if I hadn't. _

Alice gave a sarcastic sneer, "I don't have to insinuate anything. You do a wonderful job at ousting yourself, honey." She turned to walk out the door, and then hesitated, "Get _yourself _on the bus. Maybe if you start doing things on your own instead of always having someone do them for you, you'll finally grow up to be a well rounded adult."

"Grow up? Me? You have no idea, my sweet little Alice…" I replied in a condescending tone, my lip curling into a sarcastic snarl.

Abruptly turning from the doorway to me, she shot back, "Don't be a tart! I'm just trying to help and all you're doing is shutting me out!"

Water sloshed over the sides of the tub as I bolted upright, tossing my cigarette in the water with me, "Alright, you want to help me? You want to 'fix me' just like Jacob and your brother and Crystal? You can't! When are all of you going to realize that? You know," I stepped out of the tub, wrapping myself with a large white towel before I continued, "I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Not like you and your brothers. I had to _grow up_ long before you three had to. So don't you fucking dare tell me to grow up when you have no idea how much growing up I've had to do in the past ten years."

Alice's mouth went agape, "Is that what you think? Do you think we've had it easy? That we never have had to stand up and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions? You arrogant little fool!"

I lit up another cigarette, tucking the towel's corner under my arm to secure it in place. I scoffed, "You have no idea what I've been through."

"Enlighten me. What could you have possibly gone through in your young twenty-three years of life to make you such a rancid bitch?"

_People leave me._

I held fast to her haughty gaze, "I have loved more than you _ever _will. I have lost bigger than you _ever _have. And I have hurt more than anyone should in their lifetime. I would _never_ wish any of the things I have seen or heard or done on even my biggest enemy. You can call me what you want, but until you have walked in my shoes, don't ever pass judgment on me."

Storming past the little pixie-like woman, I walked into the bedroom and sat down in front of the vanity.

I picked up the wooden brush, and began pulling out the tangles. The pain was sweet compared to the feral anguish that scraped mercilessly inside my heart like a caged beast.

As I yanked the wet tendrils through the coarse bristles, I felt Alice's small hands taking the brush from me.

She began brushing my hair with a tender touch, "You and Edward are so very much alike, Isabella…so oblivious to the obvious."

"What does that mean?" I replied catching her gaze with mine, in the mirror. I wanted someone to tell me what to do. Someone to take the hurt away.

Alice looked around the room once, and then brought her gaze back to mine. She wanted to say something, but she didn't.

And all I could do was breathe two little words I was so familiar with, "I'm sorry."

She sighed again, "I can't be mad at you. It would serve no purpose. And I love you too much."

Placing the brush next to me she pulled me into a hug. As I watched her through the looking glass, I saw tears seep through her closed eyelids.

I wanted to tell her everything.

_About my mother, the baby, Jacob, my love for Edward…_

But I couldn't.

_She'll leave you too…_

And she knew that.

The gatekeeper of my heart shackled my memories, keeping them to myself.

Pulling away from her grasp, I said quietly, "You can't tell him where I'm going, Alice."

She nodded her head slowly in understanding. "I won't."

Pushing the fear and anger into the pits of my dark soul, I gave Alice a smile as if to tell her everything would be fine, including the love Edward and I had shared. "I have a bus to catch. Please take care of the hotel charge."

_Business as usual?_

I pulled a tissue from its box, dabbed my eyes and picked up a make-up brush, handing it to Alice, "Make-up maestro."

Slowly, she took it from me, "Hotel bill. Clothing is packed in the suitcase, enough for a month…"

_Business as usual._

She continued to tick off her list of tasks as I sat there watching her controlled hand paint on my mask.

_The mask of a monster._

I would get on the bus to Forks. No matter how much it hurt me.

_Revisit my demons. _

Allow the skeletons in my closet to dance.

_My mother. _

Let the monster inside me bask in the darkness of my heart.

Alice stepped back, admiring her work. It was like a new woman had emerged. Eyes painted in vixen, lips dipped in sin and sexuality. A smile that could melt any man's knees.

Ed Sullivan's voice called out…

"_There she is, folks. The Monster."_

It was time to go home.

_And let the monster come out and play for a while._

* * *

_**Hi Guys & Dolls,**_

_**As of next week The Pin-up Girl will be taking a turn…you will finally get to see things through Jacob's eyes. PUGward has also voiced that he would like to be heard once again, so he will return to give you his take on things. **_

_**I love your comments. Every. Single. One. They make my toes curl and my heart melt. Let me know how you're feeling…tell me…**_


	34. Chapter 33

_**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become iThe Photographer/i, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **_

_**Much Love: To my Kiki…always xoxoxox**_

_**More Love: To my friends and family here on fanfiction (dot) net…I love you…thank you.**_

_**Dedication: Chapter thirty-three is dedicated to every single one of my readers. I cannot thank you enough for being there and supporting this little piece of fanfiction. You are what drives me every day to write. I could have given this up months ago, but it was you who spurred me on, been my cheer section, and told me I could do this even when I thought I couldn't.**_

_**It has always been you…even though I can never thank you enough…Thank you. **_

_**Of course, the Chapter Thirty-three playlist…check out these songs while you read:  
**_

_**blink 182 – Always**_

_**blink 182 featuring Robert Smith – All of This**_

_**Johnny Cash – Walk the Line**_

_**Johnny Cash & June Carter – It Ain't Me, Babe  
**_

_**~Chapter Thirty-three ~ Jacob's POV~**_

I hated her.

And loved her.

It was madness.

_Madness: The act of repetitive behavior with the expectation of a different result._

I was insane.

_Insanely in love with a woman I could never have._

Even though I was married to her.

Made love to her.

Had her.

She would never be mine.

_She was always his._

Not now.

_Possibly not ever._

But it won't keep me from fighting for her. Because what if?

_Your life has been based on what ifs._

We were meant to be. I sincerely believed that. With all my heart. Believed in it. Held it close. She had said that to me from the moment we started going together.

"_We belong together, Jacob. Like a fog around a mountain."_

We were meant to be together. Our passion was what drove our marriage. Sure, we fought. Every married couple fought. My parents fought all the time.

But we always made up.

Because she needed me as much as I needed her. For what it was worth, all the fighting and the bad days never outweighed our good ones.

And the most important thing was that, contrary to popular belief, I loved her. With all my heart and soul and being, I loved her. It's what I promised to do forever.

_Promises were made to be broken…._

Not this one. This one I would keep. We would keep it together.

_Because you promised? You both promised each other a lot of things. Things the both of you couldn't deliver on. _

We would deliver on this.

_You're maladjusted. She's maladjusted and beautiful. Did you think she would stay with you? She's an extraordinary, passionate woman…you only got half of that right.  
_

Isabella was beyond extraordinary. She was my world, my hopes, my dreams...someone I would spend the rest of my life loving.

_Did she ever love you with the same unrequited passion? _

She did. She swore to me. She promised.

_Case in point…who was she running from…you or him?  
_

I let a slow breath slip through my lungs.

She was a unique woman. Full of life and exuberance. Passionate.

_Just like me._

In her happiness, her madness, her sensuality, her anger…in everything, she was passionate. Loving with her whole heart; never holding back an ounce of herself.

_Just like my own family._

Knowing how Bells was, I let her go. I let her run.

She was like that. A little flighty when things went awry. Its how she dealt with things. I understood that.

But Edward, on the other hand, he had no clue.

I looked over at him as he stood there, watching her leave like a kicked dog.

_Poor bastard. That's what she does my friend. Do you see why the two of you would never work? You couldn't handle that. You would suffocate her. If not now, eventually._

Shaking my head as I began walking to my car, I tapped a Chesterfield out of its cardboard box.

"Hey, Black!"

_Hell-fucking-fire!_

Lighting the cigarette, I turned around to face my nemesis, exhaling slowly, loving the dull burn of smoke as it filtered through my nostrils. There was always something about the first puff of a cigarette. The sense of calm and exhilaration that seemed to walk hand-in-hand as the silver fog of nicotine surrounded you like clouds in a dream. It was a feeling I enjoyed.

Most of the time.

I gave my ex-best friend a hard-lined smile, "What do you want?"

"Just give us what we want. What she wants."

"_She_ doesn't know what she wants." I pointed after the flash of crimson that disappeared behind a row of cars.

"Because _you're_ confusing her!" Edward stormed the thirty feet between us with no hesitation. My muscles twitched. I wanted to hit him for thinking he could take my wife from me without a fight.

"Are you that fucking arrogant to think she wouldn't be confused? I am, after all, her husband."

_Who loves her more than the world. More then you ever will, Cullen._

When he refused to answer I continued, relaxing my fist, "Do you really think I would give up on my wife that easily?"

"I think you're being selfish. As usual. You know, I think you've always been that way. Since we were kids."

"Well, since we were kids you have always been an arrogant ass. And I don't have to think about that one. Besides, aren't you being a wee bit presumptuous to think a husband would give up his wife because they had sex with another?"

"Aren't you being presumptuous to think she would choose you over me?"

"Considering she did choose me over you in the beginning, no, I don't think so. I am being realistic."

Edward backed up two steps, lit up his own cigarette, and then replied in a tight tone, "I understand her better than you do."

I shook my index finger at him, "See, Cullen, this is where I have to disagree. You don't know what she's like. You don't know what she needs and to be honest, you don't have it in you to be strong for her. Shit Cullen! You didn't have the strength to ask her to dinner when you met her!"

"You seem to use your brute strength for everything in your relationship with Bella. We saw what kind of strength you had when you took it out on her neck."

Inwardly, I cringed. That was an accident.

_That was the alcohol. _

One that would never be repeated. Ever. Again.

"That's between Bella and me. What most would call a family affair, to you would mean none of your goddamn business." I curled my fingers into a fist, and then gave him a half-smile.

"It is all my business, you horse's ass. She has become my business." Edward's scowled brow deepened.

"Until a lawyer tells me otherwise, she's none of your fucking business, you got that?" I seethed.

_What right did he have? She was my wife. _

_MY. WIFE._

Edward's scowl was exchanged for an arrogant villain's grin, "Bella has made me her business, Jakey-boy. So lawyer or not, her heart has and always will belong to me."

_But she also still holds onto that love for me. That's what keeps her coming around. The memories. The good times past and the good times she could have with me._

Taking two steps backward, I gave him a self-assured grin, "If I could take her from you once…I can do it again. And you know that. That's why you're scared. You're the reason I know that she'll come home to me. She always does."

Without waiting for a response, I turned on my heel in a soldier's retreat, walking towards the front of the house to my car.

It was late.

I had a date.

_With a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass…well, maybe I'll forego the glass._

* * *

It had been several hours since the party. I didn't know what time it was. To hell if I cared. Time was no longer existent.

Because life didn't matter.

Not without her.

I was sitting along the concrete edge of my kidney-shaped pool with my feet hanging lazily into the cool water, a handful of pennies to my left, the bottle of Jack Daniels on my right. The glass was in the pool.

Somewhere.

I looked down at the half-empty container.

Or was that half-full?

_Awww, who gives a shit…_

Picking up the bottle, I threw another shot down my throat. The conscious burn was no longer a factor; that feeling had melted away two to three drinks ago.

_Or three or four…maybe five or six…shit, who's counting?  
_

I missed her.

_Her smile. Her laugh. Those beautiful velvet-brown eyes._

Needed her.

_Her arms keeping me safe. Always safe._

So goddamn bad.

"_Jake, baby…I love you."_

"_Do you promise?" _

"_Always."_

Just to hear her voice whisper to me it was all going to be alright. To hear that _we_ were going to be alright. Even if I knew in my heart that we may never be okay, as long as she would tell me those things, I was fine. We were fine.

Taking a long unadulterated swig from the bottle, I picked up a penny, feeling the peaks and valleys of the etchings under my thumb and forefinger. I tossed it into the pool, watching it sink to the bottom.

Another penny made its way into my hand and another swallow of alcohol made it down my throat.

Bella loved to skip rocks across beds of water. She said it reminded her of Forks, a time when her parents would take her down to the water's edge for picnics when she was a kid. She said she always felt safe then.

That was before her mother left her.

I wanted to recreate that safety net for her when we moved into the house. Considering the pool man didn't appreciate the small pebbles in the filter at the end of the week, the rocks turned to pennies, and we breathed new life into an old game, developing that safety net she longed for.

After all, she had been through so much. Given so much. To everyone, including me.

She used to tell me it was better to throw pennies than it was to throw stones. It hurt less to make a wish, she would say. And when we would have a fight, she and I would end up by the pool, coins in one hand, and a bottle of beer in another. We would sit on opposite sides and start pitching pennies. Each of us not saying a word.

Because in the end, with each coin that sank, it was like another one of our problems would disappear.

Like a contorted wishing well.

After apologies were said, and a handful of copper would end up in the bottom of the pool, we would wrap ourselves in a blanket and bask in the safe haven of our admissions until the sun came up.

I placed the Jack bottle back to my left and began twirling my last penny over the tops of my fingers.

_My last wish._

I missed those days. I missed my little piece of heaven.

_My only wish._

Closing my eyes, I longed for nothing else but redemption. Well, and another chance.

_Just for her. Please…don't let me be too late. Heal her heart. Give her room to love me once more._

The insignificant talisman gently left my thick fingers. The water rippled delicately under the weight of the falling element as it floated to the cement bottom.

_Don't let me be too late…_

Opening my eyes, I stared at the languid motion in the pool as if it held certain significance. The full moon's beams began to paint a beautiful portrait.

_My Bella…_

Her face was beginning to mold itself out of the soft fluid movements of the water, and the gentle slope of her neck carved its way through the delicate wake.

The seductive prowess of her beckoning became clear and unusually crisp.

_My beautiful Bella…my love…_

Maybe it was the pain.

_Maybe it's the alcohol? _

It was probably a combination of both.

I didn't know.

_Or care. _

At. All.

Because I needed her to be there with me.

_Just once more._

To look at me from the other side of our wishing well.

Watching her in an impassioned rage, screaming at me and telling me I was a loser. A big fathead of a loser, as she would say when we often fought.

That's when I would yell back that I was only a loser without her. With her, anything was a possibility. We could do anything.

Were capable of everything.

_Together. _

_As long as we were together._

Then she would pitch a penny, watch it float to the bottom, and begin to smile again. I would walk up to her after about ten coins, wrap my arms around her, kiss her neck, and tell her I was nothing without her.

And she would say those four simple words:

"_I love you. Always."_

I would pay with my life to hear her whisper those words again.

_Just once more._

The water shimmered like glass as the artist in the moon finished its painting.

_My angel…my savior…my Bella._

I wanted her with me…right then and there.

Her taste, her smell, her infallible beauty and the way she used to hold me.

_Her everything._

Goddamn, I wanted her to hold me again. To tell me that none of the bullshit mattered. That everything was a farce and the only thing that remained real and true was us.

_Were we a beautiful mistake?_

I set the bottle down onto the concrete, still staring into the cool waters' distorted imagery. I began unbuttoning my white button down suit shirt, wishing it was her.

_No, we weren't a mistake.  
_

Goddamn I missed her so much it made me physically hurt.

_We were meant to be together._

I wanted her back. If she would only give me the time of day. Just give me that one. Last. Chance.

_Only if she'd have me._

Her smile danced behind my lids as I slipped the shirt from my shoulders. The cool breeze kissed the tops of my forearms as I imagined her with me.

_Her hands outstretched to me, whispering…  
_

The ground was unsteady as I stood to my feet, peeling my undershirt from my hard body.

"_No regrets, Jacob."_

No, we weren't a mistake. We had no regrets. We promised…no regrets…

_Like the first night I made love to her._

* * *

"_Jacob Black! You are a jackass! If you think that I didn't see the way you looked at that other woman, you're sadly mistaken! I saw everything!"_

"_Bella, I swear-"_

*SMACK*

_The slap across my cheek stung. Badly. The girl had a mean right._

_My hand instinctively went to my now throbbing cheek. I looked over at her as she fruitlessly yanked at the handle. _

"_Let me out of the car Jake!" she screamed._

"_Goddamn woman, I am not holding you against your will! The door's locked! Besides, it's pouring out there! What do you plan on doing? Running around the goddamn woods at night in a storm!"_

"_I would rather walk through a damn blizzard in high heels and a bikini than stay in this car with you right now!" she hollered as she pulled the small lock out of place. The passenger-side door got caught in a wind pocket and flew open._

_The rain outside was coming down hard and to have her get stuck in the woods was not something I had on the agenda._

Neither was the fight.

_The thing was, I didn't do anything. With anybody. _

_Bella and I had dinner at Chasens. Nothing more. _

The flirty waitress could have had something to do with it…

_The waitress had a beautiful innocence to her that I thought people would adore. Bella needed to understand that unless I had the clients, I wouldn't be making money. No money meant I couldn't take my best girl out. It was really simple._

"_Isabella! Dammit! You need to-" I yelled as she slammed the passenger's side door into my face. I continued, frustrated slamming my palm against the steering wheel, "—just listen! FUCK!"_

Go after her.

_I hopped out of the car into the storm. A streak of lightning cut through the ebony sky as I watched her light blue dress swish through the bushes._

Fucking hell! You need to listen to me, dammit!

"_Isabella! Stop! Please!" The mud under my feet sloshed as I attempted to retain my balance through the brush. Running in wingtips was not meant to be. Not in any lifetime._

_And I proved that when I slipped, landing right on my ass in an ankle-deep puddle of water and God only knew what else.  
_

_I grabbed a handful of mud and slung it towards an unsuspecting tree, "Dammit! Will you stop?"_

_Even in the black of night I could tell she was enraged as she turned back to face me, her maniacal eyes shooting bullets right through my soul. _

"_What in the hell are you angry about?" I yelled through the thunderous ka-booms that surrounded us._

_That's when she charged me. I didn't know how anyone could traipse across mud and brush as fast as she had in high heels, but she did because before I knew it, she was hovering over me, "You were making eyes at that woman. On purpose! How dare you disrespect me like that?"_

"_That's my job! I am an agent for crying out loud!" I screamed as another beam of light tore through the sky, like God Himself was cracking through His universe with a hammer and chisel. _

_She crossed her arms and looked at me disgusted, the rain pelting her face mercilessly, "Really? It's your job to be nice to beautiful, well-endowed women?"_

_Another cacophony of thunder echoed through the trees._

"_YES! I have four fucking clients, Bells! Four! You are one of the four!"_

"_And they're all beautiful! How do I know you're not having sex with any of them? How do I know your heart doesn't belong to someone else?" _

_I looked up at her to tell her to trust me, but instead she took my breath away with this raw passion and energy that rolled off of her in huge torrential waves. _

_It was nothing short of infectious._

_Her chest heaved up and down as if she had run a thousand miles. Her long locks were plastered to the side of her face. The luscious lashes I was familiar with drew heavy black streaks down her cheeks. The new dress I bought her was a sopping, irreparable mess. _

_And the fire within her soul was insatiable. _

_No matter what I said, she would fight me back. No holds barred. _

_For some maladjusted reason, it was downright irresistible. _

"_Are you going to just sit there in the mud or are you going to answer me, Jacob?"_

"_I thought I would sit here in the goddamn mud and get rained on all night!" I challenged. I could be as stubborn as her._

_She scoffed, "Don't you think being a smart ass is going to get you out of answering my question. How do I know you aren't in love with one of them? How do I know you're not going to fall in love with one of them? Especially the way you make those damn puppy-dog eyes! Those stupid goddamn puppy dog eyes!"_

_She was ranting._

Because I only have eyes for you.

"_Are you jealous?" I yelled over the harsh splattering of rain._

_She pulled her hard stare from mine, looked over her shoulder and shook her head, sticking out her chin like a petulant child. _

Now who was refusing to answer questions?

"_Are. You. Jealous?" I yelled again._

Say it, Isabella…please say yes…because if you say yes, I know you love me. I know you care. And I need to know you care, baby. I need to know that everything I do for you is not in vain.

_We were both panting like overheated bulls and at the same time trying not to drown in the downpour. She had goose bumps running the gamut of her exposed forearms. _

_Suddenly, she broke into a sprint, side-stepping my overgrown heap laying in the midst of a mud puddle._

"_ARGH!" I yelled, attempting to scramble to my feet to chase her. _

_I always felt like I was chasing her._

_Glancing over her left shoulder for a split second proved to not be in her favor for she slipped on a slick spot in the mud beside my driver's side door, lost her footing and fell into a pastel blue puddle. I slowed to a stop about a foot from her._

_Holding out my hand to her, I yelled over the raindrops, "Serves you right for running!"_

"_Oh, shut your goddamn mouth!" She slapped my hand away, obviously not wanting my assistance. I was going to give it to her anyway, dammit. The woman could be as stubborn as a fucking mule._

_I grabbed her tender forearms within my bear claws and dragged her to her feet; she was literally kicking and screaming. One of her kitten heels hit me in the shin, sending a shrill pain through my body, "Dammit, Isabella! Quit acting like a child!"_

"_Then leave me alone!" _

_Before she could storm off again, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, "NO! I WON'T!"_

_Through blind rain, I managed to pull open the door to my car, tossing her into the front seat, hoping to hell I didn't hurt her in the process._

_I got into the car with her, pushed her into the passenger seat, closing the door behind me. I shook out the rain from my hair. Not only was I soaked from head to toe, but I was muddy too._

_Placing the key in its ignition, I started the car's heating system, and then shimmied out of the soaked suit jacket, throwing it in the back seat. I looked over at Bella as I began to unbutton my shirt, "Are you going to say anything or just look like a wet, pissed-off cat?"_

_Her arms were crossed, her nostrils continued to flare, and her beautiful lips pressed into an even thinner line. She was bound and determined not to speak; hell, she seemed bound and determined not to move. _

_I shook my head, rolled my eyes and tore my soaked shirt from my body, throwing it into the backseat. I peeled off the white undershirt I had on as well._

"_This is ruined," I said to no one in particular._

_Through my peripheral vision I could tell she was getting uncomfortable. I had assumed it was from her mud-caked self beginning to harden under the constant blowing of the hot air that was being emitted from the car vents._

_I sighed as we sat in dead silence sans the pelting rain hitting the car's exterior._

_Finally in a tight tone she replied, "You are a complete jackass."_

"_The only jackass that seems to be sitting here is you. We wouldn't be in this little predicament if you hadn't gone traipsing off into the wet brush." I lit up a cigarette and cracked my window allowing the smoke to filter out of the car.  
_

_She shot me an incredulous look laced in aggravation, "ME? You think this is my fault? Let me tell you something Mister Smooth, I wasn't the one flittering on so about that dame in the restaurant!"_

"_If you were I'd be worried," I shot back infuriated. _

_In a demented way, I found her strikingly beautiful covered from head to toe in red rage. I couldn't resist poking some fun to get her riled a little more._

"_Oh! You make me so mad Jacob! You make me crazy!" Her voice was so shrill it made my ears ring._

_It was my turn to look incredulous, "Me? I make you crazy? Why would I make you crazy?"_

_My own voice was beginning to elevate. We seemed to be like piranhas feeding and frenzied from the same flesh and bone we picked at. _

_Each other. _

"_Because…Because…!"_

_She was flustered and angry and had a gorgeous hue to her cheeks._

"_Spit it out!" I boomed._

"_Because I am fucking jealous!" Her chest choked out huge, frustrated gasps.  
_

"_Why?" My voice filled the entire car._

"_Because I love you, dammit!" she yelled._

"_Don't lie to me!" I shouted._

_Her gasps turned to heart-wrenching sobs, "I do! I love you! With every ounce of my heart, I love you!"_

_The muscles in my face twisted into a lopsided grin. I couldn't help it._

She loves me. She truly loves me.

_I attempted to grab for her hand. Sinking back into the door's wall, she gave me an obvious glare stating she was still furious with me._

"_You're a jackass, do you know that?" she yelled._

"_I know!" I shouted, my grin getting larger with each passing second. _

_Bella seemed surprised by my response, her arms dropping to her sides in surrender. Pushing out a huge breath from her lungs, she propped her elbow in the frame of the passenger side window, leaning her head into her open palm. _

_She gave me a defeated smirk, "You really are a jackass, do you know that?"_

_I took her hand gently within mine, "I know. But if I'm a jackass, you're in love with a jackass. You know that right?"  
_

_Her smile broadened, "Yes, I know."_

_After a momentary pause, she said it again, her words singing to me, "I love you."_

_The world around us no longer mattered. It all melted away like a piece of ice in the Nevada desert on a summer day._

_I grabbed her porcelain, mascara streaked cheeks between my large mud-covered hands, "I love you too, Isabella. You are carved into my heart and in my soul. No matter what happens, ever, you will always be the one. Do you understand?"_

_She shook her head giving me a small bewildered expression, "What does that mean, Jacob?"_

"_That means I am scared to death that I am going to mess this up." An ominous boom reverberated through our eardrums. The storm was getting stronger. _

_Closer._

_She gave me her smile, closing the gap between her and I. Goose flesh peppered my pectoral muscles as she inched her lips towards mine._

_In a low hush, she replied, "We'll be scared together, Jake. We can do anything as long as we're together."_

_Our lips were a breath apart. _

"_I love you… I will always love you," I sighed. My angel was lovely. As disheveled as she may have been, her beauty was unsurpassed._

"_Do you promise? No matter what happens?" she breathed back over the sound of the relentless storm. Her hands shook as she slid them down my naked chest._

_Her fingers caressing my skin were making my brain into butter. _

"_I promise." I wanted her so badly. _

_I couldn't take it anymore. And it was obvious, neither could she._

_Our lips came crashing together like waves fighting to be the first to the beachfront. _

_A feeling of raw, tumultuous energy shocked us both. It was either the adrenaline from the fight or from our words of spoken love. I don't think either of us cared. The waves of passion in the car rolled off of us as if it were something we could see, touch, and hear. As if it was tangible._

_Her hands immediately tangled themselves into my wet hair as I brought my lips to the sensuous curve of her neck. I couldn't help myself, murmuring every few seconds over the rain, "I love you….I love you so very much, Isabella."_

_With every pass of her hands and with every groan that would reverberate from her throat, I was getting harmoniously aroused. _

_God, we were so good together. She was right, as long as we were together, we could do anything. We could be a driving force of unbridled energy. Together we could be anything we wanted. _

_I wasn't sure how long we went on like that. Kissing, entangled in each other's embrace, exploring every facet of each other, but I found her hands beginning to unbutton my trousers as I cupped her breasts, my lips never leaving her neck._

_A part of me didn't want her to stop, but another part of me…_

_I pulled back. Her eyes were wild and intense. So fucking beautiful. So goddamn vibrant. _

_And yet, scared. Unsure. Nervous._

_Not that same over-confident sex kitten Edward Cullen plastered all over Wink magazine. The golden goddess that lived and breathed a sense of assurance most women only dreamed of._

_But right now she was…innocent. _

_She unlocked her gaze from mine, bit at her bottom lip and looked away, "Jacob…I'm scared. I'm scared of how I'm feeling about you; of what I'm feeling." _

_The rain began to come down in torrential sheets, like we were sitting underneath a waterfall. After listening to the deluge for a few moments, I replied, "I'll take you home." _

_I felt her put a hand on my bare bicep, "I don't want to go home."_

_Confusion crossed my chiseled jaw, "What do you want from me, then?"_

_Those beautiful brown eyes met mine as she simply stated, "I don't want you to take me home tonight. I want you to make love to me." _

_The air in my lungs began to suffocate me. _

_I had had women. Several._

_But none like her. No one was like her._

_Her eyes were expectant as she searched my face for an answer, "Please?" _

"_Isabella…you don't know what you want…" I said in a shallow breath, still panting as another round of thunder echoed through the dancing trees._

_Her hands began to tremble as she turned towards me, beginning to fumble for the zipper on her dress, her eyes never leaving mine. _

_What was she thinking?_

She's probably asking herself why you have yet to make a move.

"_I know what I want, Jake. I want you to just love me," she whispered._

I haven't made a move because she…because I…because _we're_ not ready.

I wanted nothing else but to be inside of her, making her mine forever, but what prevented me from loving her was not because we weren't ready. It was really quite simpler than that.

Fear.

_Fear and I shared a summer romance. And that worked for me. I typically went into things by the seat of my pants, never thinking twice about the danger involved. That's why I joined the armed forces and went to war. It was a new adventure. _

__Until you got there. Then you were pissing your pants with seven other men holding their guns like it was their favorite stuffed animal, hoping the boogeyman would go away while you sat in a foxhole praying that the explosions would stop.

_After the first couple of weeks, the explosions were like lullabies cooing me to sleep. _

_But this was different. _

The explosions stopped, the battle wounds healed.

_But the scars were still there. They were still painful._

_Besides, love and war were two different things. _

Are they? Does either of them make you any less scared?

_Not less. Not ever less. _

_Love scared me more then anything. When you loved someone, you did anything for them. Hell, you would die for them. _

I would die for her.

_And that scared the ever-loving shit out of me. _

_Why? Because love scars as well. Worse even. The wounds go twice as deep and take twice the time to heal. If she loved him more then me…if I were a regret in the end…what then? She could break me. She would shatter me. _

Forever.

_The fact of the matter was they were both one and the same, love and war. Love could scar just as much as a battle wound. _

_The difference though was that you could overcome the fear with love. You may never overcome a fear of a grenade exploding near your head at two o' clock in the morning, or become accustomed to the sound of shrapnel hitting skin or the explosion of a Japanese fighter pilot above you, but if you loved someone…and if they loved you…that fear would become a distant memory.  
_

Fear prevented Edward from asking her for a dance.

_The longer I sat there staring at her, the more my apprehensions were becoming apparent to me: It wasn't the fear of falling in love that plagued me; it was the fear that she didn't love me at all. The fear that she loved him, the fear that she wanted me to get to him and the fear of me just being a regret to her in the end. _

_I didn't want that pain._

_I couldn't go through that again. _

_My heart had healed over twice, already. Once when my mother passed away and once when _that girl _broke my heart. _

After all these years, you still can't bring yourself to say her name.

_Saying her name was never a problem._

Amy Jo Jacobson.

_I grabbed Isabella's doll-like features between my large, mud-ridden hands and looked her square in the eye, jarring myself back to the where we were at now, "What are you asking me?"_

"_I'm asking you to make love to me, dammit!" Her voice was quivering; her eyes were intent with trepidation._

She's not Amy Jo….

_Far from Amy Jo, but Isabella was… different._

How is she different?

_It wasn't how much the two women were different. _

_It was how much Isabella and I were the same. _

_Beneath the mask of self-confidence was a certain vulnerability we only shared with one another. _

_Like now._

_She was definitely far from what Edward made her out to be. _

_How did I know? Because I knew that look she was giving me. I had seen it before. _

The first time you made love to Amy Jo. It was that same look.

_It was the look of a girl who wanted so badly to become a woman._

What if she wants it to be Edward?

_No…no she didn't. She would be with Edward if she wanted him. She wanted me. Only me._

But do you want her? Only her?

"_I don't want to be a regret to you, Isabella." _

_Her small hands covered mine, a slow smile spreading across her lips, melting my heart, "You'll never be my regret, Jacob. Not ever." _

She doesn't want him. She won't ever want him. Not ever again.

_I tucked a stray clump of hair behind her ear, "You are so very beautiful, Isabella."_

_I began to stroke her cheek with my thumb. I didn't want to be her regret. _

Are you going to regret her?

"_Bells…" I began, but she gazed up at me with this look. The look of a determined woman. _

If this happens, Amy Jo will be a memory. A distant memory.

_It was that moment I had made up my mind. I would make love to her. Fear wasn't going to win this one. For once, I was going to be happy. I was going to make her happy. _

_Isabella and I deserved happiness. _

_We deserved each other._

_Bella's inclined hands began to glide down my chest. She was trembling so badly I placed my hands over hers, attempting to help her relax. _

_With each second my flesh passed underneath her fingers, the more confidence she seemed to gain, until her hands settled at the rim of my trousers. Very slowly, her hands popped the top button. My abdominal muscles quivered slightly. _

_Her pale cheeks turned a beautiful hue of crimson. _

_I gave her a half grin. I wanted her to have complete control. She was a woman who needed to be in control. _

_The curve of her neck gently dipped as she swallowed hard, obviously battling with whether or not she had the gumption to through with what she was about to do._

_Helping her to some degree, I kicked off the muddy shoes from my feet. She removed her hands from the trouser's edge and mirrored what I did, kicking her heels, caked in mud, to the floor._

_I rested my thick fingers at the zipper that hugged the dress close to her body, right under her left arm. _

_Afraid to pull the zipper, I whispered, "Are you sure?"_

"_I've never been surer of anything in my whole life, Jake."_

_I stood stone-still. I couldn't even breathe. This was it. This was the moment that would change us forever._

"_You're shaking. Are you scared?" she asked with a slightly concerned - yet amused - tone._

_I chuckled, "Nah…not scared…I'm never scared with you."_

_It was a lie. I was terrified. Anytime I was near her, I was scared. Scared it was a dream. Scared I would lose her._

Scared you will lose her like you lost Amy Jo?

"_Good…I don't ever want you to be scared. Not with me. Not ever." Her eyes drew me into her world. It was so easy to fall into her world._

Amy Jo didn't know how to deal with me after I came back from the war in the Pacific. She wasn't strong like Isabella. Isabella could deal with the nightmares. She had dealt with them since she was a kid, herself. She knew fear. She almost embraced it.

"_I love you," I said, looking past her soul, bringing myself back once more from the dark place I no longer wanted to be._

"_I love you. Adore you, Jacob. More than you know."_

_Those words that slipped from Bella's lips were the lock and key I needed to force Amy Jo back into the bird cage of my heart. A place where I stored all of my painful, unwanted memories.  
_

_As my fingers caressed the skin of Isabella's arm, I realized we had both stopped shaking. _

_Amy Jo Jacobson faded away…just like the other dames. She was just another one lost._

_I loved Isabella now. And she loved me. This was the affirmation. _

_This night._

_Isabella's fingers trailed over the shadowed lines of my bare muscles making my erection begin to get the best of me. Making me think and do erratic things. _

_The woman made me crazy as a goddamn fox. _

_The touches. The words. _

_Maybe it was a culmination of her whispers of warmth, the heat from the car, and the comforting pitter-patter of raindrops hitting the body of the vehicle that relaxed us and at the same time, spurred us to become more impassioned with each passing moment. _

_I was unsure. I didn't care._

_It was just blissful torture._

_Her eyes cast down at the crotch of my tented pants. With her newly gained confidence, she unzipped them with a sly grin inking its way across her face. Without a word spoken, she stuck her hand down my pants, grabbing my cock, almost gingerly. It pulsed at her touch as if it had been woken from a long winter's slumber. _

_Sighing, my head dropped back against the driver's side window as she began to massage the shaft with slow hands._

_I had just gotten so lost in my own twisted forest I could no longer see the trees._

_She was driving me mad, working her hand up and down, getting faster with each pass._

Oh. My. Fucking. Hell.

_I couldn't take it anymore. She would be mine. Now._

"_Come here," I almost growled, pulling her tiny waist to me. Quickly, I unzipped the side of her dress, peeling it from her wet body, sending it to the floorboard next to the heels. I wasn't thinking anymore. I couldn't think about anything but her and I in the car. _

_Her beautiful white bra and garter set looked amazing against her alabaster skin. The pearls I gave her last week were set snugly around her slender neck._

"_You are…amazing," I breathed. Not being able to withstand anymore, I pushed my lips to hers, devouring her skin within mine. _

_She threw her head back, "Oh my God, Jake."_

"_Bells…please…" I was begging. I knew it. But I wanted her to say it. To tell me she wanted it. To tell me she wanted me to give it to her. Not Edward._

_With quick hands, I began to shed my pants._

_Fingers glided down the muscles of my back as I shimmied out of my muddy trousers. Garters snapped under the tug of my fingers, hosiery was ripped from her body. I couldn't help it. It was as if she had unleashed a madman._

_But I had to stop. She wasn't ready for it._

_She wasn't ready…_

…_and neither was I. _

_So my pace slowed._

_I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes once more. She was excited and frightened at the same time._

"_What do you want from me Isabella?" I asked panting, my cock hardening with each passing moment. It was almost unbearably painful._

"_I want this. I want you. Only you." Her smile wreaked havoc on my soul. The smile she saved for him was on her lips. _

_The one that I owned now. _

_The one she allowed me to have._

_Laying her across the front seat, I carefully positioned myself at her wet entrance, rubbing the tip of my cock against the doorway to her luscious garden. Underneath me, I felt her hips push into mine impatiently._

_I pushed another wet tendril from her face with my freehand, "I love you." _

_Her eyes went wide for a moment, but her gaze held steady with mine as I pushed the tip of my cock into her wet entrance. _

_In a breathless tone she replied, "I love you, Jacob." _

_She was extraordinarily tight as I worked it in slowly. I didn't want to hurt her. I just wanted to love her._

_After a few moments, she began to move her small hips with mine, keeping in time with me, still watching my face, as I was in awe of hers._

_She was breathtaking. _

_Her cheeks were flush. Her eyes were filled with excitement instead of nervousness and fear. A small bead of sweat began to form at her temple. _

_Her legs tightened around my waist as I moved faster. I couldn't hold it anymore. She felt so right. So good._

_Nestling my mouth into her neck, I whispered in a hoarse tone, "God, I love you, Isabella Marie."_

"_Jacob…Jacob…I love you. I will always love you," she gasped, gripping me within her firm embrace._

_Lightning streaked across the black sky illuminating the raindrops as if they were glass spheres of light as I poured my seed into her._

_She was now mine. _

_My angel. My savior. _

_My Isabella._

* * *

The sun's early morning rays began to beat at my eyelids with unrestrained force.

I had fallen asleep once again, by my pool; the alcohol and the memories of Isabella keeping me warm.

The click of steel-tipped heels against concrete caught my attention, and like a moth to a flame every synapse in me gravitated towards it. My consciousness wanted it to be Isabella.

_She's come back._

With my lids still closed, I smiled up at the shadowed face and brought my hand to the woman's bare calf. "I knew you would come back, angel."

My throat was dry and raspy from the all night drinking binge I had partaken in.

I squinted through the blinding sunrays, trying to focus on the figure's face that knelt beside me. Instead of Isabella's vanilla and strawberry scent I was so accustomed to, I smelled a beautiful bed of roses.

Wanting to believe so badly it was her, I croaked her name, "Bells?"

A soft yet iron-tough set of hands slipped my hands from her calf. I blinked twice propping myself up on my elbows.

No, it definitely wasn't Isabella kneeling beside me.

As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with my free hand, I dragged my other hand from the familiar grip.

"Jacob, get up."

There it was. The disappointment I was so familiar with.

A voice I had known for years.

A voice that knew me better than I knew myself.

The woman continued in nearly a whisper, but her voice dripped in exasperation, "You drank yourself into some god-awful stupor over Isabella again, didn't you?"

Groaning, I hoisted myself into a sitting position.

"Headache?" she asked, holding in the palm of her hand two aspirin. A glass of water appeared in her other hand.

She was good at that. Like a goddamn Mary Poppins, pulling magical cure-alls out of her magic carpet bag.

"Amy, baby, did we have an appointment this morning?" It was my failed attempt at hiding the obvious.

Taking the two white pills from her open palm, becoming more focused, I peeked at her with a nitwit attempt at a boyish half-grin. The bright light of the sun burned at my retinas, damn near blinding me.

I heard her sigh as she plopped down next to me, her spring yellow dress flowing all around her, "Jacob, in the many years I've known you we have _never_ had an appointment."

My eyes finally adjusting to the light, I focused on the beautiful girl in front of me.

Dark brown hair with sun-kissed lighter brown undertones only visible with the help of the sun; her eyes a warm cocoa color that seeped in understanding, framed in long lashes. She had a nose that fit her face, strong and defined, yet again understated, while her lips were full and pouty and her most perfect feature.

She wasn't a pin-up or an actress; she had no desire to be.

She was my girl since we were kids.

My untold secret, not just from Isabella, but from everyone else as well.

_Almost everyone._

My one saving grace.

Coming to rescue the unsalvageable.

Again.

_Amy Jo Jacobson._

She opened up a brand new pack of Chesterfields, took two out, and gave me one. I lit mine, handing her a small book of matches. Sitting in silence for a moment, I finally broke our comfortable silence, "Thanks for coming."

Through her pouty red lips, she replied, "When you need me, you know I'm always there for you."

_Yes. Yes you are._

* * *

**A/N: Are any of you coming to the dark side yet? Does Jacob have your girly bits in a tizzy? Know who to root for yet? Confused as to which side you should take? **

**Tell me…**


	35. Chapter 34

**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become, The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **

**Much Love: To my Kiki-kins…you know the drill by now… ;)**

**I probably should have said this in my author's notes from the beginning but I failed to clarify something…Please note, this is 1952. Not present day. It was a different time with different obstacles. Women smoked and drank while pregnant because they thought the placenta "filtered" out any and all toxins. People were scrutinized and judged by the color of their skin. If you were depressed, you could be committed with shock therapy and a lobotomy (extreme circumstance). Doctors did commercials for cigarettes. Again, a different time, a different way. Please keep these things in mind while reading. **

**Thank you **

**The playlist this week is a simple one…Eddie Vedder, You've Got To Hide Your Love Away**

_**~ Chapter Thirty-four (Edward's POV) ~**_

Three weeks.

Three weeks since I had left my house.

Three weeks had passed since I had seen her, smelled her, touched her, or heard her voice.

Three weeks since I had fucked her.

Not made love to her…_fucked her. _

_In a slightly demented way the two of you enjoyed that little tryst and you know it, Cullen._

That…incident…

…hurt me.

Scarred me, in fact.

Someone could have carved out my heart with a dull blade and it would have hurt far less than what happened in her hotel room that night.

_But it was something you wanted…something you needed…something she needed. You saw it in her eyes.  
_

In aggravation I rolled into a sitting position, lighting up one of my Kools and eyeing the almost-empty bottle of alcohol in front of me.

_Another day to get gassed._

Letting the cigarette dangle precariously between my lips, I poured myself another shot of bourbon.

For three weeks I hadn't done much of anything other than drink, smoke, and think about what she was doing…who she was with…how she was…

…_how our baby was_.

A deep pang of sorrow filled my now empty heart as I thought of her.

Of us.

About the three fucking weeks that I had allowed to pass without a word to anyone.

Not even my family.

I took a short drag of my cigarette then threw the alcohol down my throat to the pit of my empty stomach.

_Breakfast in bed._

Running my hand over the five-day stubble that was slowly but surely turning into a mountain-man beard, I contemplated whether or not I should shower today. Taking a deep sniff of my armpit, I thought I could stand one more day of unhealthy hygiene. Who in the hell was coming for me? And even if they did, would it matter?

_Nothing mattered without her._

Jacob was right all along.

Isabella did make me crazy. She made me do things that were never in my nature to do.

_Like pin her up against a wall in a hotel room as you fucked her senseless?_

Yeah, like pinning her against a wall and fucking her senseless.

I poured myself another drink, throwing it down my throat quickly. I wanted nothing more than to feel the numbness that Jack Daniels brought on after four or five swallows.

_Four or five swallows won't burn that memory from your brain, moron._

I was ashamed of myself. How could I relinquish all self-control and resign myself to a sense of deranged animalistic behavior without any remorse? How could I do that to her?

_Because on the inside she mirrors you, Cullen. Everything you internalize, she wears it on her sleeve like a public display of affection. That night, everything she wanted and desired you served to her on a silver platter with all the trimmings. _

And because I lived and died for the woman, I gave her what she wanted. Even though it killed me, I gave it to her.

_She could ask you for the goddamn world and you would find a way to provide it._

With the exception of now.

She needed to be shown I wasn't some sap that she could throw around whenever she wanted. That's what set me apart from Jacob.

_Yeah, sure Cullen…you're showing her who wears the pants in this relationship right now, aren't you? _

I let out a slow deliberate breath, my lungs filtering out the cigarette smoke. Who was I kidding?

_Be a man, dammit!_

Smashing out my almost extinguished smoke, I conceded to the fact that I quite possibly couldn't live without her.

_It is now confirmed. You are truly a pathetic ass._

Not pathetic, just in love with my soul mate.

_Your soul mate that left you? Shall I repeat it? Alright, I will anyway: Pathetic ass. Stop wallowing._

Needless to say, I couldn't stop wallowing. I reached for the crystal glass again, but instead snatched the neck of the Jack bottle, making my way to my top-of-the-line RCA record player.

As I took another swig, I ran the fingers of my free hand through the dust-ridden cover of the player. Goddamn, I missed her. As my lids passed over my dry eyes, the hurt she inflicted upon me began to grow instead of subside; her memory infiltrating like an infectious disease.

_Isabella walked over to the phonograph, wine glass in hand, a half-grin playing over her mouth as her forefinger grazed the spines of my records._

It had been three weeks since I had allowed the maid to come in and clean. Maybe it was because, on occasion, I could still smell Bella's strawberry scent floating through the halls. Or because maybe I wanted to believe that she was still here. With me.

_That she still wanted me._

I opened the blonde wood cover to the player, carelessly placing Billie Holiday's album on the turntable, just like we had that night.

"_Music, Mr. Cullen?"_

"_What are you doing Isabella?"_

That seemed to be the proverbial question that hung in our relationship like a dead man on a noose in the middle of a crowded room: What are you doing Isabella?

Maybe the question should have been what was she doing to me? Or rather, what were we doing to each other?

Another drink made it down my throat. My face was beginning to numb. The void within my heart was slowly but surely being filled.

_Filled with what?_

Finally.

_It doesn't matter with what…a bird could have shit in it for all I care, as long as it was filled._

Just as it did that night, a comforting crackle of dust bled through the speakers, tainting the tender yet sultry melody of Billie Holiday as she engorged my brain. I closed my eyes and leaned my body weight against my racks of albums, allowing the music to enrapture my heart, my mind, and my memories.

"_I thought since you had that unfortunate accident at the restaurant today and lunch ended on such a sour note, that I would bring the Derby to you. Is that a crime, Edward?"  
_

_Isabella swallowed the rest of her red wine, set down the glass next to the phonograph, and looked at me with a dreamy, provocative look that I knew only too well._

Goddamn, why did I let her go? Why did I let her leave me? Why did I practically sprint from the room that night?

_She made you feel things you've never felt for a woman. You were scared. _

_Hurt. _

_Angry. _

_Jealous. _

_She made you feel more than love for her. She made you feel hate and passion, so raw and distinct; it scared the shit out of you._

Before a new song began, I threw back four more large swallows, my thoughts taking me back to what happened in the cottage that night.

_Pressing my rigid body closer to hers as I continued in a harsh whisper, challenging her, "You want to know what pain is? You want to know what you've put me through. How crazy you've made me?"_

_Bella's eyes went wide, then narrowed. In a dark, low half-hiss, she replied, "Yes…."_

_Tearing the cigarette butt from my lips, I threw it to the floor not giving a damn if I set the whole place ablaze. I secured her fragile wrists above her head, pinning them to the wall. For a split second, before true insanity set in, our eyes locked._

_What I saw sent me careening over the precarious edge of reason. Her raw passion was so tangible and moldable that anyone could have seen it._

_She wanted this. _

_We stood together, neither one of us wanting to give in until, lo and behold, my cock grew a mind of its own._

_Through my anger and bitterness, I found Bella inexplicably erotic as she pleaded with me to take her. Not with words or actions, but with pure, unadulterated emotion. Her body was wrought with tension and filled to the brim with desire. _

_And damn me to hell, that's when I gave in. As much as I didn't want to, I did. I couldn't help it. There was no way I would ever deny Bella._

_But she had to understand the one thing I would never tolerate. _

_The one thing I would never do. _

_I would never hurt her. Not physically. Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not like Jacob. Because I wasn't him and I would never be him._

"_I am not Jacob. I am not him. Do you understand that?" _

_Through her tear-streaked, mascara-painted face, she replied in a thick, disappointed tone, "That's right, Edward…you will never be him."_

I rubbed my hand over my face feeling my anguished tears drip down without shame at the remembrance of her words. Replaying them over and over again, like a skip-scratch in a piece of vinyl.

It wasn't what she said that broke me; it was the way she said them.

With conscious remorse, as if it was a moment of clarity for her.

"_Edward…you will never be him." _

As if she _wanted_ me to be him.

"_Edward…you will never be him."_

Like I was a simple regret she wanted to wipe away forever.

"_Edward…you will never be him."_

No, I wasn't Jacob. I could never be. And if that's what she sought in the end…maybe I wasn't her man.

_Don't try to lie to yourself, Cullen. It never works. They are as good together as oil and water.  
_

Sniffling like a small child, I lit up another cigarette, making a feeble attempt at rubbing out the obvious affliction from my face.

How could she have ever wanted Jacob? I had seen the truth in her face. The eyes don't lie. The camera lies less.

"_Tell me, Edward…"_

"_Isabella, I will love you forever."_

"_Do you promise? Do you swear?" Her eyes were searching, pleading almost. Needing to hear me say it out loud. Like she needed the spoken validation._

_The only noise we could hear was the sound of our breath flowing in and out, almost as if we were one body, as I replied, "On my life. I swear on my own life, I will love you forever."_

_She_ said it. She made _me_ say it, dammit! That meant something, right?

I heard Felix begin pushing the mower around the back lawn. At least I knew it was Thursday. Felix only mowed the lawn on Thursdays.

_What if it was all a lie to get back at Jacob for his infidelities?_

What if it wasn't?

_What if she is a better actress than Ava? It wouldn't be the first time a woman lied to get what she wanted._

After a few passes, the push-mower outside stopped. My yard was bigger than a few passes; as drunk as I was I remembered that much.

_Bella wasn't like that. The camera lies even less. _

The photographs of us. In bed. Together.

_The camera never lies. Ever.  
_

Metal scratching against metal with a scraping sound of determination and authority within the key hole of the front door interrupted my maniacal internal argument. My eyes vehemently opposed the intrusion of white light that flowed through my dank living room.

"Oh my word! You people need to call on me sooner! Felix, have you been in here?"

I knew that snarky twitter anywhere.

"No, Mrs. Whitlock. He said no disruptions. When he tells me not to disturb, I don't. It's not my place," I heard Felix drone in a detached tone.

"And if he were dead would you simply say, 'I'm sorry Mrs. Whitlock, he said no disruptions.'" Alice was unusually annoyed and that made me chuckle a little. She deserved it for disturbing me.

"Yes, ma'am, I would. Now, if you will allow me to go back to my daily chores, it would be much obliged. And if Mr. Cullen has kicked the bucket, please notify me so I may put in my credentials with the agency."

A slow-spread half-drunk grin began to seep across my face. That's exactly why I loved Felix.

Like a blind mole, I made my way to the couch and lay face down into the cushions, the empty glass bottle permanently attached to my hand. Alice could piss off.

Obviously exasperated, she shooed Felix back to his duties, shutting the front door.

_Thank God. Keep that damn door shut. No one comes in and no one goes out._

Her silence was deafening as I knew she was more than likely surveying the damage I had done to myself. Shit, the damage I had done to the house itself.

Confirming that notion, I heard her whisper, more to herself than to me, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph…what is that horrid smell? And what on God's green earth have you done?"

My house was dark and musty. I had smoked at least a hundred packs of cigarettes and had drunk more than my weight in alcohol. Eating had become an afterthought, only foraging when I needed to, hence two empty boxes of Fig Newtons and one take-out box from Mr. Wong's that sat on the coffee table next to my endless array of tobacco boxes. Three holes in various walls signified I had been alive at one point.

Currently, the record on the player was the only affirmation that I was still, in fact, alive.

The living room lamp near my head clicked on.

I squinted at my baby sister's scowled face.

"Light off!" I growled in a half-drunken slur.

Throwing my head back into the couch cushion, turning onto my side away from the soft beam of light, I heard her walk to the kitchen, stop, and then walk back. I gripped the glass bottle between my hands like a security blanket, holding it close to my chest.

_Damn Alice. Go away. Please, let me wallow on my own. Well, me, Jim, and Jack._

I could feel her presence hovering over me as if she were debating what to do next. Her fragrance began to fade as she walked away for a moment, then it reappeared once more as she came back to my side.

Keeping my eyes shut, I just lay there like a bump on a log, silently sending a prayer that she would leave me the hell alone like any other decent sister would. Instead, she roughly yanked the empty bottle from my hand, hitting my jaw with the mouth of the bottle.

"Fuck, Alice!" I shouted, rubbing at my chin, but still not opening my eyes.

I heard it hit the bottom of a trash can with a hard thud. "You have a shoot tomorrow, Edward."

"I do not! Shut the goddamn light off!" I threw one of the stiff throw pillows over my head. The pain in my spine from sleeping on the floor and the couch for the past few weeks was beginning to travel to my head.

_It could be just a really bad hangover too…you ever think of that one?_

"Her name is Marilyn Monroe. She's the hottest commodity on the market right now next to Isabella. Her photographer cancelled and you're the best in the business." Another slew of empty containers hit the trash bin. The cigarette boxes I presumed.

I diligently tried to ignore her, a solid hunger pang beginning to transpire in the pit of my stomach. When did I eat last?

_You ate two days ago…I think the main course was comprised of a half of a Fig Newton with a side of vodka and your delectable dessert was some whipping cream and a pack of menthol cigarettes. _

"Edward? Are you listening to me? You need this. You need this cover." Her voice was almost shrill as she threw down the trash can and began shaking my bare shoulder.

I yanked it away from her grasp roughly, "Leave me alone, dammit!"

The numbness in my face was beginning to subside. I started thinking that I was becoming immune to the true effects of alcohol.

_That's what happens when you binge for three weeks._

"Fine! You want to play this childish game? Then I will treat you like a goddamn child!" Before I knew it, the curtains flung open. Harsh rays of sunshine burst through the room, encompassing me in a blinding spherical fireball. I couldn't even open my eyes. It hurt too goddamn bad.

_Fuck! She's blinded me for life! _

My eyes hadn't seen the light of day in three fucking weeks. I already felt scar tissue forming behind my sensitive lids. To add insult to injury, I heard nothing and if I knew Alice, that meant she was up to no good, which scared the shit out of me.

I forced myself to blink when I heard a faucet running.

_Nothing good can come from running water._

But I was paralyzed in my couch. My foot had regrettably fallen asleep which could prove to be a hindrance when sprinting to get away from her, if the moment called for it.

I heard her heels tap their way through my kitchen and back to my side once more.

Suddenly my fears were realized when I felt cold liquid hit the top of my head followed by four cubes of ice. I shot straight upright as if someone hit me with a jolt of electricity. While I attempted to gather half of my wits, another round of ice cubes hit me over the head once again with a short waterfall cascading down my back and neck.

Two glasses of ice water? Damn her!

_Like the first glass wasn't enough?_

I was going to kill her.

"Wakey-wakey, my dearest brother! Come on out Mary-Sunshine and face the goddamn day! It's time to get up and face life again!"

"DAMMIT ALICE!"

With my vision slowly being restored to normalcy, I grabbed one of the water glasses from her hand in anger and threw it against the window, shattering both into a million pieces.

Not even disturbed by my sudden outburst, and the havoc of shattering glass, Alice began to shout at me over the thrum of lawnmower blades, "She's gone! I don't know when she'll be back. I don't know if she'll _ever _be back for fuck's sake, but I do know that your career is hanging by a very thin, very fragile thread. You have not answered your telephone calls or the numerous telegrams. Mr. Hugh Hefner? He has dropped Isabella like an ex-nun would shed her habit for the inaugural cover of Playboy and replaced her with this Marilyn Monroe and Jenks? Let's talk about Jenks, shall we? He has phoned me _five times_ within the hour telling me he is thinking of pulling the plug. And do you know why? Because number one, Jacob has informed them of her being _missing in action_. Telling people she has flown the goddamn coop or something! And number two, because that has been confirmed by you not answering any correspondence at all, you _both _have gone missing! No one wants to work with irresponsible people!"

Pulling my hand through my hair to squeegee some of the drops from my head, I replied in a defeated tone, "Shut up Alice. Just shut the hell up and leave me alone."

I didn't give a rat's ass about my career.

_You're always lying to yourself. You care about her. You care about your life together. And you care about the fact that if she does come back to your sorry ass, you will need to support her. _

_And your new family._

"Get up, dammit! I will not tolerate this kind of belligerence!"

"And I won't tolerate you standing here telling me how I should live my life!" I challenged with fury.

Alice stood over me with a concerned scowl, hands on her hips like a mother hen scolding her chick. She really was worried.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, massaging the cool water into the exhausted pores of my skin. A summer breeze began to ink its way through the hole in my living room window.

The Jack Daniels was wearing off.

_Dammit._

Sighing, Alice plopped herself into the couch next to me, picked up my pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. As it dangled between her bright red lips she let out another slow breath before lighting it, "Edward, you have to do this cover."

I took the lighter out of her pixie-like hand and lit the smoke for her, "No. I don't."

She took off her oversized red hat and threw it on the arm of the couch, "I can't do this anymore. The two of you drive me mad. _Absolutely batty_. You know, when I took this job, I thought it would somewhat easy." She took the cigarette from her lips and shook her fingers and the smoke at me, continuing, "Boy, was I wrong."

I lit up my own cigarette, slumping into the cushions. We sat shoulder-to-shoulder. The comfort my sister provided was like a warm motherly cocoon. I sighed, taking another drag, "I drove her away, didn't I? Things were better when I admired her from my lens, wasn't it?"

"Oh stop it. She's as maladjusted as you are. You can't blame yourself for something you both partook in. Shit, you can't even blame Jacob. The poor bastard has had his fair share of bad hands."

"Are you taking his side?" I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice.

Alice gave me a raised eyebrow and a twisted grimace, "Have I ever taken his side?"

"No," I said simply.

"Well, then, that was a stupid question. All I am saying is that all of you are at fault. You all just don't get it."

"What's there to understand?"

"I told Isabella on her wedding day to cool her jets…to not get married in such a hasty fashion." Alice took a final drag from her half-burned cigarette and put it out in the overflowing ashtray next to her, then continued, "Instead, she ran right into the arms of a man that wasn't right for her."

"She was pregnant." It slipped. Like diarrhea of the mouth.

Without even a hiccup in the conversation, Alice quickly retorted, "I know. I'm not as stupid as you all think I am, brother. I knew she was pregnant. But that didn't mean she had to settle. No woman should ever have to settle."

_Why does that not surprise me? Alice tends to know anything and everything before it happens._

"So what was she supposed to do? She had no family here, no one to turn to…"

Alice took another deep breath, "Edward, I don't have all the answers."

I sat up, grabbed the remains of another bottle of Jack Daniels that sat glumly by the couch, and took a swig. Alice watched me with intent eyes, snatched the bottle from my hands, wiped the mouth with her gloved hand and took a swig of the liquid herself.

As if having an internal battle, she cleared her throat handing the glass container back to me, "Do the cover. You need the money."

I didn't want to take any other woman's picture. I wasn't ready. I just wanted Bella. Attempting to switch gears in the conversation, I took another drink, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and said, "I think Jacob is seeing Amy Jo again."

Alice's eyebrows hit the ceiling, "Since when?"

"You know she's been hanging around."

"Hanging around doesn't constitute someone is seeing someone else. It could have meant she was just visiting him."

"Well, I think she has the intention to stay for a while."

"What would make you say that?" My sister seemed vaguely intrigued.

"She visited him in the hospital. When I took Bella to see Seth Clearwater, he had made mention that she went to see him."

"But that doesn't mean that Amy Jo would be dumb enough to start seeing him again. For all we know, she's just visiting."

"She was at the Grove. Working as a cigarette girl. I bought cigarettes from her, for Christ's sake." The curtains shifted slightly as the breeze picked up. I continued, "I couldn't place her at first because she looked different…I don't know, maybe it was the hair…but then when we were sitting in Seth's office and he brought her up…I knew. She's come back to stay."

We sat together in silence for a few moments, both puffing away at our respective cigarettes like two chimneys in the winter.

"I loved Amy Jo. She was Jacob's better half. She always had been, since we were kids…" My sister trailed off, obviously getting lost again in her thoughts.

I shrugged, indifferent with the whole thing. The relationship that Jacob had with Amy Jo was…complicated, at best.

_Her family was complicated._

Amy Jo grew up with the rest of us. She was a wonderful girl. She loved Jacob with all of her heart and soul. And when he left for the Pacific, she died a little.

The moment he came home, she anticipated the same man who left the train station; someone who was vibrant and witty; someone who was ready to face the world, head-on.

Instead, she got a new man.

An angry man.

One who didn't want help.

_He didn't want her help…or her money._

And so she left. With her family. All the way across the country. Never communicating with Jacob again. No letters, no phone calls, no telegrams. Shit, not even a goddamn smoke-signal.

_Until now._

And Jacob? He pretended as if she had never existed, forbidding anyone to speak of her.

_At least those who knew he was seeing her._

But we all knew why Amy Jo and Jacob didn't speak of the relationship.

_Her family. Her prominent fucking family. _

Amy Jo's dad, Jack Jacobson, was a high ranking official in political office; a role model to the people.

_Role model my ass…he was fucking every starlet he could get his cock into._

Jacob came from the wrong side of the tracks, from a disabled drunk father, and a dead mother. Not to mention he lived in a haphazard clapboard of a house, working on motorcycles half of the time for extra money to help out his dad. To add to the debauchery, Jacob was a shade darker then Amy Jo's father would have liked him to be.

_Racist pig._

Oh, it was alright that they were friends. The family welcomed him into their home since they were knee-high to grasshoppers, but that was different. Being friends with someone was far different than dating.

If her father knew that Jacob was holding her, kissing her, and God forbid, sleeping with her, Jacob would never see her again. She would have been shipped off to the nearest convent with the highest walls and the poor girl would never be seen again.

But as fate would have it, Jacob ruined that one as well. It should have been the foreshadowing of his future relationships.

"Why would she come back?" Alice asked in a contemplative tone, interrupting my thoughts.

Again, I shrugged and shook my head, giving her a half-smirk, "What does it matter? He has Isabella now."

_Nothing can be done. For all I know, she would much rather have him than me._

"Is that what you think? Do you think a woman can just turn herself on and off like a goddamn light switch? Do you think that Isabella has left _only_ because of you?"

"She said she was confused."

Alice shook her head and lit up another cigarette. The girl was becoming a chain smoker. She replied, "Isabella has a lot of …baggage. Don't flatter yourself thinking you were the sole reason she left. Besides, the both of you share this sense self-loathing and self-deprecation like it was a chocolate malted on a Sunday afternoon. It's sickening."

"Don't be overly dramatic."

Alice gave me a twisted look as if to say, 'Really? Are you going to argue with the point?'

_And yes, I would argue the point. Just for the sake of argument._

Chuckling lightly, she gave me a well-manicured cocked brow, "You two are cut from the same cloth. Take this incident. Both of you live in tormented malice. It's a vicious cycle that has been going on for the past year. You would think that the two of you would get it by now. I told her that when I found her in the hotel room a few weeks back…"

Suddenly Alice looked as though she had said too much.

_Give the girl enough rope and she hangs herself eventually._

Which she had.

Without missing my opportunity to pounce, I curled my lip into a knowing half-grin, "Where is she, Alice?"

With the look of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, Alice's eyes went wide.

_Go ahead baby sister, hang yourself from the world's tallest tree with the hangman's shortest rope._

"Where is she?" I asked once more, attempting to keep my hope guarded. If I just went to her…

_Don't. She doesn't want company. She didn't ask for it. If she wanted you, she would have called you._

"I—I don't know, Edward." She stood up and paced towards to the broken window, sucking the life out of her tube of tobacco. Alice never smoked unless she was under duress.

_She might have called. Those numerous calls to the house that I never answered? One of them could have been her. What if one of those telephone calls was her?_

I repeated my question using her birth name, "Where did she go Mary Alice?"

_And what if none of them were her? You'd look like a fool._

She shook her head making her way to the front door. Extinguishing her cigarette, placing her hat back on her head, "I promised her I wouldn't tell you."

_FUCK! She did see her! She knew. Alice fucking knew!_

I knew I wouldn't be able to get any information out of my sister. When Alice made a promise, come hell or high water, she kept it.

_And again, what if Bella really didn't want you in her life anymore? You would look like a disturbed little man chasing after her. They would call the sanitarium and have you put away. For life._

Alice placed her hand on my front door knob, "Stay here. Do the spread for Ms. Monroe. Make your name reputable again."

"I'm not ready. I can't…" The hole in my heart was throbbing in agony. I could never take a picture of a woman without thinking of Bella. I slumped back into my couch.

_She doesn't understand. I need Bella like a person needed air to survive. I needed her…_

Alice fussed with something in her purse, her voice turning rigid and tight, "Eventually, the money will run out." Another flick of her hand and a new cigarette appeared as she continued in a softer tone, "Get cleaned up. For God's sake, shower. The day will look brighter as soon as you get yourself together. I will call Monroe's people and tell them you will be there at eleven o' clock tomorrow morning. I'll find out their restaurant of choice and let Heidi know. So expect a call."

But the more I thought about the sense Alice was making, I conceded that maybe it was the right thing to do.

_Maybe…_

"Before you go, Alice. Tell me one thing."

"I won't tell you where, Edward, so don't ask me."

"Did she love me?"

With a smirk, Alice paused, readjusting her gloves, "Does a fat kid love cake?"

"I take that as a yes."

"Take that as a she did love you. I can't speak for her now."

I stood and walked over to my sister, pulling her tiny frame into a giant hug, planting a brotherly kiss onto her forehead. After a moment, she took a step back out of my embrace, "You smell. Shower. Eat. Get yourself together."

Nodding, I scratched my head and opened the front door, "Thank you, Alice."

"What's family for? Remember, Heidi will call you later so pick up the telephone. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear," I gave her my best half-smile, leaning against the jamb of the front door, shoving my hands in my trouser pockets, and then continued, "Will you take care of Jenks? For Isabella? She needs the exposure and the positive publicity."

_It's always about her, isn't it?  
_

She kept walking to her car, calling out, "Already done. Isabella's photos are fabulous. He would be a fool to pass the opportunity. By the way, Jenks wants you in New York in eight weeks."

"Why?" I called lighting up another smoke.

"You start in August. You are the newest on-staff photographer for Life magazine." Alice tossed me a brilliant smile; seemingly quite proud of herself.

_On-staff? August? New York? Wait a minute, here…_

I sprinted down the steps, nearly tackling my sister's petite frame. Breathless, I shot out, "What are you talking about? I never said yes. I never told him yes. My life is here. In Los Angeles."

Startled Alice replied quickly, "Edward, please! Control yourself! You're acting like a lunatic! This is the best thing for you. You don't—you haven't-" She jerked out of my tight grip, smoothing her coat down, as she spoke in an authoritative voice, "You don't know if and when she's coming back. And if she does, that does not mean things will go back to what they once were for you and her. I just want what's best for you and right now I think the best thing is for you to leave for a while. Get your head cleared up."

_Alice wasn't always right and Alice didn't always know better. _

How in the hell would she know what was best for me right now? She didn't know anything about my life right now. And besides, who was she to tell me what I could and could not do; what I should and should not do?

I held my hands up, backing up to my front door, "Just because she doesn't want me now, and in fact, may never want me again, doesn't mean I am disappearing. Do you understand me? She's not driving me away from my life here. And not to mention, you don't know what's best for me! So just butt out Alice! Do you understand? BUTT. OUT!"

Without waiting for a response, I stormed back into the house, locking the door behind me. Locking myself away from the outside world.

_No one comes in. No one goes out. _

In a huff, I swiped the bottle off of the table and sat back on my couch. After a few moments, I looked at the glass container as it caught a glint of sunshine and threw it into the remains of the broken window. Another half of a million little pieces shattered to the ground as Felix passed by with the mower.

He stopped, looked through the hole and shook his head, before replying, "Sir, may I interject for a moment?"

I gave Felix a shrug. Why in the hell would I care?

"Proceed." I ran my hand through my disgusting hair and took another drag off of my almost-extinguished cigarette.

"Sometimes you need to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, be a man, and carry on." He glanced at the glass and back to me, and then continued, "This is one of those times."

The shattered glass mocked me. The shards sparkling in the fading sunlight reminded me of my heart.

A million broken little pieces.

But the longer I sat there staring at them, the more Felix and Alice began to make sense. Maybe it was time to get the glue out and start piecing my heart back together.

_Quite possibly without her?_

With or without her.

_Stop lying to yourself, Cullen._

_

* * *

_Over the course of an hour, I had swept up the shattered glass, groomed myself to the point of feeling like half of a man again and thrown a load of clothes into my automatic washing machine without the help of my housekeeper, Mary. Feeling quite proud, I sat on my couch in my boxers watching the newest episode of _I Love Lucy_, while shoving large mouthfuls of fried rice into my mouth.

Lucille Ball was a riot.

But even though I had a wonderful comedic distraction, I did nothing but think about Isabella Swan.

_Her mouth. Her voice. Her beautiful soul._

Could I move on without her?

_Her laugh. Her wicked wit. Her unabashed way of knocking me down and lifting me up in a way no other woman could.  
_

No, I couldn't.

_Quite possibly, you'll have to move on…without her… _

The seed of doubt began to embed itself into my being once again. Even though Felix and Alice said it in such a way that even the common caveman could understand, I didn't know if my heart would.

I leaned over, setting my take-out box next to the stack of photos from the hotel. The ones she and I took. The ones she had to have.

Laughing.

Carrying on as if we were newlyweds.

Our expressions captured and engraved on a piece of photo paper, captivating us in time. Freezing our emotions as they actually were.

_Suspending our emotions as they are._

My fingertips grazed the definition of her two-dimensional jaw. I wanted to feel her supple skin underneath my hands once more.

_To hold her again…one more time…._

The telephone rang shrilly, shaking me out of her intoxicating memory. Absently, I picked up the hand receiver, "Hello?"

"Your boy just got on a train to see his wife."

_What? Who in the hell?_

A train whistle screeched unremorsefully in the background.

_What in the hell?_

I raised my voice one octave, "Heidi? Is that you?"

"Of course it's Heidi, who'd you think it was? The tooth fairy?"

_Of course. The woman was the bane of my existence. _

It took a minute before it dawned on me what she said.

I set the picture down in front of me on the cluttered table, "What do you mean, 'my boy just got on a train'? What in the hell do I care? The man could take a flying leap off of the Golden Gate Bridge and I wouldn't give a shit at this point."

Her voice was subtle and unassuming, as if she were being smug without being too condescending, "I just thought you'd like to know, Mister Boss-man."

"Heidi, I'm sitting here scratching my head-"

She interrupted me, "You may want to see a doctor for that. Lord only knows what you've been infected with. When you are as tragically dejected as you were, who knows what kinds of distractions were afforded to your liking. I mean this week could be a blonde bombshell while the next week could be a fiery redhead. You tend to be flighty after a break-up."

The bitch was almost thoughtful in her remarks.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring her smart-alecky quips, "You know, I seem to have a tendency to wonder why I keep you around considering you are constantly riding both sides of the hobby horse. On one token, you seem to be so far up Jacob's ass that you can smell what he had for lunch, while at other times, you say and do things for me and my benefit. What in the hell is in it for you at the end of all this?"

For once, the dame was silent.

_Someone notify the goddamn newspapers!  
_

For a full three seconds.

"Edward, you know me well enough to know that I take care of one person: Me. Not you or Jacob or that little tart Isabella, or even that annoying little sister of yours. Just me. _Only me_."

Though she couldn't see me, I gave a smirk into the telephone, making no real effort to disguise the acerbic tone in my voice, "Really? I would have never noticed with all of your philanthropic efforts. I mean, you're such a giving and loving person that I couldn't imagine you only thinking of yourself."

Obviously ignoring me, Heidi continued in mock surprise, "Well, Edward Cullen, that is not true. I take that statement back. I _do_ think of something else. My pocketbook! Which, by the way, between you and Jacob, has been kept filled quite nicely the past couple of months."

Damn, the woman made my blood curdle. She was the wicked witch of the east incarnate.

Finally having had enough, I shouted, "That's it, dammit! You're fired!"

As cool as a goddamn cucumber, she replied, "Sure I am. You have fired me almost daily since I started working for you."

"I'm as serious as a fucking heart attack. You're finished. Done," I spat.

"No…no, I'm not. And you want to know why?"

"Why don't you enlighten me?" I lit up a cigarette, throwing the lighter across the room. I heard it chink against something glass which meant I broke one more thing in my house. The housekeeper was going to shoot me.

"Because quite frankly, I do a damn good job for you, Edward. You don't pay me to look pretty and file my nails all day. You pay me to settle your debts with the hounds and vultures. You use me because I can talk my way out of anything."

_Goddamn me if she wasn't right._

"Yeah, you're as slick as a wet snake in a rainstorm. Look, I am in the midst of something. What do you want?" I swear I sucked on that tube of tobacco like my life depended on it, and as much as I wanted to end the call with the stupid bitch, I hung on for dear life. Why? For the sheer fact that I wanted to know about Bella's whereabouts.

"Oh, well, me oh my, excuse me for interrupting your self-loathing and wallowing. Would you like to get back to your regularly scheduled programming or can I be the emergency broadcasting center and interrupt just once to give you a breaking news bulletin?"

"Jesus, stop with the theatrics and get on with it already!" I shouted. She was annoying the ever-loving shit out of me.

"Aren't you in the least bit interested in where Isabella is keeping herself these days? Or where I sent Jacob?" Her smug voice was like pouring lemon juice into a paper cut.

"What is in it for you?" I asked with hesitation. Did I want to know where Bella was?

_Of course you do. _

"Very simply put, it's always been about the money, Edward. Do you think I actually give a rat's ass about you? Or Isabella?"

"No, you've already clarified that point, sweetheart."

"That's right. No. But I do care about the money. And if you're not working, then I don't get paid. And as it stands right now, you are not working. You're miserable. Jacob? Well, he's just as miserable, believe it or not. The bastard actually gives a shit about her, too. And even though Jacob has enough money to make Rockefeller twitch, that money will run out eventually with the way he spends it." She gave a small snicker, and then continued, "You two are more alike than you think, Edward…anyway, the bottom line is that _I_ am not getting paid…and mama needs a new pair of shoes, dollface, so I did a little digging. Something you know damn well that I am good at, and I found out our elusive Miss Swan is staying in her hometown for a spell…hiding out, if you will."

She seemed quite proud of her dirt-digging, and I couldn't say I blamed her. She was tenacious and smooth as silk when it came to her demeanor. People had a false sense of trust in Heidi. Me, on the other hand…I trusted her deviant snake-like behavior. Hence, why I hired her to begin with.

But what was the broad doing now? Putting Jacob on a train and then telling me? What in the hell was she trying to accomplish?

"It still escapes me as to why you're doing this because what you just said and what you just did are contradictory. You sent Jacob on a train to his wife and now you're telling me so I can go after her? It doesn't make any sense."

She forced out a frustrated breath, "Have I been speaking in Greek? Were you not listening to me? I go where the money is. And this way I benefit from both you and Jacob. I needed to find out where she was and the only two people who knew that little tidbit of information were Jacob and Alice. Your sister is tighter than Howard Hughes' paddock, while Jacob is too stupid to put his thinking cap on. After a few pertinent questions, I found out what I needed to know and put two and two together. I called up to the Forks switchboard and spoke to the operator, who knows everyone and their business, and figured out she was indeed, there. In Forks! Let's leave it at that. Now, you keep me on as your trusty assistant and maybe grease my little palm with a couple of hundred dollars on top of a fat raise and we all win. It's a win-win."

"A win-win for who? For you?"

"Wow, it didn't take long for you to catch on at all, did it Sherlock Holmes?" Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard dripping in sarcasm.

Again, I gave an eyeroll to no one. She was a whore. A pit-viper whore.

_A pit-viper whore who was right on the money, Cullen. Pay the girl. She did her job. Regardless of whether or not you asked her, she still did it._

I threw my cigarette butt out of the broken window.

_Fuck, dammit!_

"What if I don't care about whether or not Bella is in Forks? What if I was over her?" I spat out.

"You will never be 'over her', Edward. Since the day you met her, you have been in love with that woman."

It was my turn to scoff at her sudden influx of romanticism, "You wouldn't know what love was even if it bit you in the ass."

"I'm not entirely heartless. At one point, I believed in something as trite as love, honey."

I found this notion hard to swallow, "I find that hard to believe."

"What I find hard to believe is that you are _that_ clueless. Do you know how many shoots I have been to where I choke down the vomit in my mouth? Watching the way the two of you banter back and forth is sickening…Jesus." She paused a moment, then very slowly, Heidi continued, enunciating each word as if it were tattooed on my forehead by a Philippine fisherman, "You. Need. Her."

_Yes. Yes, I do need her.  
_

"I need her." I repeated under my breath to myself. I did need her. My heart wasn't complete without Bella. The hole in my heart was as big as the Grand Canyon. I couldn't even fool Heidi, for God's sake.

"Are we in a tunnel or did you take on a job as a parrot while you were out of commission? Jesus, go after her. I mean, really? Silver platter. Isabella Swan. I just served her up for you. What more do you want?"

_I want a guarantee that she will want me and I am not on some fool's errand if I go after her._

"Is a promise too much to ask for?" I chuckled.

"I told you when you hired me Edward, I don't make guarantees and I never ever make promises."

"Because you're heartless." I said, my snarky tone returning.

Heidi sighed into the telephone, repeating her earlier statement in a more solemn tone, "I am far from heartless."

"Could have fooled me."

Again, she sighed, "Look, I am a realist…or a cynic…whatever way you want to perceive me, I don't care…but I will tell you I believe love is a choice. Any emotion is a choice, dammit. And anyone who tells you differently…well, they're lying. Once you choose to love someone, well, you love them even when you don't feel like loving them."

I had to sit down because no matter how I felt about Heidi, she had a point.

I loved Bella for Bella. Not for the girl on the cover, but for the girl who looked disheveled in the morning. I loved her when she didn't want my love and I loved her when she reveled in it.

_A solid fucking point._

I ran my hand through my hair. I wanted Bella. My heart reached for her.

_You know where to find her, Cullen._

I knew where to find her. I knew I had a chance to speak my piece. To say all the things I've wanted to tell her for three weeks.

"Hello? Edward?"

With a new found sense of assurance from the most unlikely place, I spoke after a moment, "Yeah…yeah, I'm here."

The condescending tone I was used to reappeared; the moment I shared with Heidi had disappeared into thin air, "Thought it was taking you a minute to catch up, Einstein. Jesus, sometimes I wonder if you share the same stupidity cap that Jacob owns…anyway, pretend that true love exists. Live happily ever after. I don't care, just keep me paid. If you want her, she's in Forks, Washington. I bought you a ticket on the eight o' clock train. It will be at window number thirteen."

Bitchier than fucking ever.

"Hey Heidi?" I said after a moment.

"What? Do I have to send you a telegram to remind you what window your ticket is at? I thought I made it clear?"

Shit, she was going to make it difficult to thank her sarcastic ass, wasn't she?

Before she could interject anything more, I replied, "Thank you. I owe you."

"Of course you do. That's my plan, Sherlock."

_Of course it is. You're where the money is._

"It's always about the money." A smile played at my lips. This is why I hired her.

"Money makes the world go 'round. Especially in Hollywood, dollface. Didn't your mommy tell you that?"

A dial tone buzzed. She had hung up.

_Window thirteen._

It was time to go after my love.

_Eight o' clock._

Something I should have done a year ago.

* * *

_**Hi Guys & Dolls,**_

**_From this point on, NEW chapters will be released. Stay tuned. Tell your friends. And keep leaving those reviews. I ADORE REVIEWS! Don't be shy! I want to hear from you ;)_**

_**Thank you so much for reading this week.**_

_**Smooches & Stars!**_

_**~Cozzy**_


	36. Chapter 35

**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become, The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **

**Much Love: To my Kiki-kins…**

**A/N: This chapter killed me. It took me two months to write (give or take) and another month pining over it. It can be disturbing. You were forewarned. This is Bella's story, her past finally revealed. You can hate her. You can love her. You can be indifferent. Obviously, it doesn't matter. These are fictitious characters used as a medium for me to sort through a life lesson. A journey you all have taken with me.**

**The lesson? Unless you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, you will never know what they have been through to make them heartless, cold, indifferent, or bitchy…you just don't know. What I have learned through this: Never judge. You don't have a right. This is why I wrote this story. To be able to say unless you see the many sides to a story, you can't make an informed decision of right and wrong. And what may be wrong in your eyes may not necessarily be wrong to someone else.**

**Thank you for reading. I appreciate every review. Every thought. Every reaction these characters have brought and will bring to you in the future. **

**Now, onto the new chapters….(yes, there will be more than this one – LOL)**

**Love you bunches! ~Cozzy**

**SONGLIST: **

**Tegan & Sara – Days and Days**

**Tegan & Sara - Hell**

**_~ Chapter Thirty-five (Bella's POV) ~_**

I had been away for three weeks and four days.

Hiding.

Mourning as a widow would her dead husband.

In my case, I was in an emotional coffin for two relationships: My failing marriage and my failing affair.

How ironic…I had lost them both.

The edges of my sheer lace curtains gently flittered in the early morning breeze. Shifting my gaze towards the gentle tick of my Big Ben, I took note of the time. Six o' clock. As of late, I had been going to bed early and rising with the chickens. It was relaxing. No parties. No ten o' clock dinners. No confining dresses or late night meetings. Everything was as it had been before I left.

_If it weren't for the memories of her, I would have stayed. Maybe._

Upon my arrival, my father had seemed a little shocked, but he never let on to his surprise. He took my bag, kissed me on the cheek and made it as if I had never left.

_Safe._

My dad was the local sheriff in Forks, Washington. He was a stoic individual, non-committed in his demeanor. A simple man with simple views, set in his own simple ways.

That's why it was easy to be with him. That's why I was still here. No one bothered me.

Not even my own father.

"Bells? You want breakfast?" he asked through my closed bedroom door. I hadn't even heard him walk down the hall. Day or night.

My stomach growled in response.

I stretched like a cat and placed my hands over my still-flat belly. Tracing imaginary figure eights around my belly-button, I gave a small smile. I had vomited at least two to three times a day for the past month and I was still hungry as a damn horse. This, coupled with the fact that I hadn't had my menstrual cycle, was the definitive: I was pregnant.

With Edward's child.

By my rough calculation, I was approximately seven weeks along. Almost eight weeks to the day that Edward and I made love for the first time. Close to seven weeks to the day, we went to the Chateau Marmont.

"Bells? You awake? You want breakfast?" my father repeated through the door. I hadn't answered him yet.

"Breakfast would be lovely," I called propping myself onto my elbows.

"Alright."

Man of very little words. Simple. To the point.

Before long I could smell the heavenly aroma of bacon wafting down the hallway of my father's small home. The scent drew me out of my comfortable bed.

I stood in front of my open closet. After a moment or two of indecision, I finally decided on a high-waisted secretary's dress and some simple Mary Jane heels.

Quickly I brushed my teeth and threw my hair into a French twist, applying a simple sweep of rogue to the apples of my cheeks and a touch of red lipstick.

My heels made a stifled clopping sound as I made my way to the kitchen where the bacon smell originated. I stopped at the tiled countertop and poured myself some orange juice from the glass container that my father had set out.

He looked up from his cast iron skillet of fried meat, surveying my appearance as I sipped.

Taking his eyes from me back to the pan, he said in a soft tone, "You goin' somewhere today?"

"Like where?"

Charlie didn't answer me. He went back to turning his slices of pork.

Where was I supposed to be going? This was my home. At least for now. Besides, there was no place to go in Forks. It truly was a one-horse town.

And my dad owned the goddamn horse.

I took the newspaper that was sitting neatly folded on the countertop and my juice glass and sat at the small round kitchen table. Unfolding the newspaper, I scanned all six pages for any entertainment industry news. I wasn't surprised when I found nothing but the show times for a new production hitting the local playhouse in a two inch by two inch corner of page five. Tickets were thirty-five cents.

Chuckling, I took another sip of my juice and set down the paper.

My father was a handsome man for his age. He didn't drink, unless the occasion called for it, and only smoked after dinner while he picked at his guitar on the front porch. He was a good man. A loving husband. A wonderful father.

_So is Edward.  
_

Edward was the exact same way. He would be a loving husband. A doting father. To someone.

_Why did you let him go?_

I had to. I wasn't any good for anyone. Not now anyway.

_Are you going to hide? Here in Forks?_

I would stay until it felt right to go back to Los Angeles. Right now just wasn't the appropriate time.

_When will it be appropriate? When you have this baby? When the baby is eighteen years old? When you're old and grey? When?_

He turned the fire off from underneath the pan and began plating up a sizeable portion of bacon and eggs for me. "I suspect you should be getting back to Los Angeles. You've been here for almost a month."

I took another small sip of juice as he placed the large blue plate in front of me, "Don't you like me being here, Charlie?"

I always called him by his first name. People in town thought that was odd.

"I think you are doing exactly what your mother did before…"

I held up my hand, "Stop right there. We don't need to bring her into this."

Taking a large breath of air, he dropped his plate with a clang onto the table. "I think we do."

"I don't. I think you should sit down and eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

"Missy, don't you disrespect me. In my house."

"Charlie-"

"Isabella, you're going to listen to me, right now. I have kept quiet for the duration of your stay. Listening to your cries in the middle of the night isn't a treat for me, dammit."

My father had never cursed at me. Ever.

I placed my hands in my lap and sat as straight as a ruler.

"You're doing the same thing she did. Except opposite. It's strange, Bells. You want everything she didn't and she wanted everything you have now."

"I am nothing like her," I said in a tight tone. I picked up the fork and began pushing at the steaming pile of soft eggs. With every movement of the utensil, a puff of fresh steam would escape. Playing with my food allowed me to keep my mouth shut.

Seconds seemed like hours as we sat there in a vacuum tube with only the sound of metal hitting the ceramic plate to fill the deafening silence. It was a sound that made my skin crawl, like nails against a chalk board, but I would be damned if we continued the conversation. I rarely spoke about my mother.

Not since she left.

So, what came next left me in a wake of shock and awe.

"You are everything like her!" Charlie shouted swiping at my plate, sending it careening to the floor. My fork still dangled between my fingers as he sat down in a huff across from me.

He looked distraught. Tormented. Aggravated.

_Tired._

Tears began to well in the pockets of my eyes, while a jumbled knot of consciousness tangled itself around my insides.

I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to talk about her. Or her leaving.

Forcing down my feelings of despair and ineptitude, I sat a little more erect, delicately placing the fork on the table. Softly I replied, "I don't want to pursue this conversation, Charlie."

Ignoring me, he rubbed at his eyes, "You are just as beautiful…"

My voice began to tense, "Don't."

Again, he disregarded my plea, "…just as kind…I see it in your eyes…"

"Dad, I mean it." My vocal chords locked. I looked to the ceiling as if looking for assistance from somewhere. Anywhere. Wishing God would open up the ground and swallow me whole. Something.

But I wasn't that lucky. I was never that lucky.

"Goddamn Bells…and just as much of a dreamer. It's what I loved the most about your mother. The way she was able to hope upon hope…" He pulled his hand away from his eyes; his saddened faraway look began to focus on me as he continued, "There is one thing that separates you from her though."

I narrowed my eyes at him, concentrating on his graying mustache so I would lose myself to anger rather than grief, "What's that?"

My tone could have cut ice in a snowstorm.

"You're not dead!" he shouted, slamming his fist into the white tabletop.

I recoiled. The knife that was in my heart twisted until you could see the other side of the aorta wall.

The room was spinning.

I shook my head back and forth slowly, "She left us! My mother left us, daddy!"

Within an instant, my father was kneeling before me, my hands tucked safely within his, "Darlin', she didn't do this to you. She didn't know…didn't know it would be you who found her."

My father's shoulders slumped. He released my hands, stood, and walked to the kitchen window. The only sound was my muffled torment and the ticking of the second hand on the kitchen wall clock as he stared into the warmth of the new day.

The last time I saw him look that way was the day we buried her in Forks Cemetery. The day I died a little. The day I would lock away in my heart as the day she got on a one-way bus to nowhere.

A collage of memories from that fateful day rushed back to me like a freight train.

My mother thought I would be spending the evening with my friend, Jessie Lynn. Little did she suspect that I would come home because I forgot my toothbrush.

"Why are you always defending her? Protecting her?" I finally said, studying my neatly folded hands. The lines, the indentations and the way the delicate skin folded and creased at the knuckles.

"Why are you always pretending like it didn't happen? No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that she _left_ Forks, it just doesn't change the fact that she is still _dead,_" he said in a monotonous tone.

_She had slit her own wrists with my father's straight edge while I was at Jessie Lynn's house and my father was at work._

"She just left…and you did nothing to stop her…" I sniffled like a small child who had lost her way home.

_She didn't know I forgot my toothbrush._

My father made his way back to me and kneeled once more. His calloused hands came to my face, wiping away my stray tears. Forcing my face to focus on him, our eyes connected. His kind eyes. Eyes of a man that understood what I was going through, "I defend her because…because if I don't…it means she didn't love me…she didn't love our _family_. So I have to…."

_The sheets were red with blood. The razor set precariously on the edge of her nightstand. _

"That doesn't make sense." My voice was a hoarse fragment of what it had been minutes before.

"Love doesn't make sense. We do things for people because we love them, unconditionally. Sometimes we love the people we shouldn't…your mother and I…we didn't make sense. We were extraordinarily different, yet exactly the same."

"Why didn't you protect me?" I sobbed, "Why, daddy…why did you spend all your time protecting _her memory _when you should've been more worried about me?"

My father pulled his hands from my face and stood, walking to the cupboard where he kept his good Scotch. He took a swig straight from the bottle, and then stared once more at the gorgeous day that sat waiting outside.

"You protect those that need protecting. Your mother was always fragile. Like porcelain. You're not like that Bella…you're strong. But lately…since you've been here…"

_Her body lay still. Her baby blue night dress soiled in crimson. Her mane of lovely light brown locks tangled around her beautiful facial features. Her eyes void of life. _

_And her hands. The hands that wiped away my tears. The hands that bandaged my scrapes and made everything alright were sullied. They were like a surreal nightmare as her life force flowed from the cuts on her wrists, and dripped mercilessly over her hands into the sheets of her bed._

My fingers began to trace the lines in my palms.

_The blood had pooled in the creases of her palms like angry rivers of deep depression._

And that's when I realized I didn't want to be her. I couldn't be her.

My father's voice clawed its way through the thickness in the room,"… you sit in your room day in and day out, pining away for something you _will_ have someday," My father said in a strained voice.

"Why do I push people away?" I croaked.

_She was dead._

Sighing, my father turned to face me, leaning his weight against the counter. He grabbed an open box of Lucky Strike cigarettes from a small tin bread box that sat beside a pastel pink cookie jar, "Because you don't trust anyone. Your mother broke that trust in you the day she died."

He lit up a cigarette with a wooden match, and continued as he tossed the extinguished stick into the basin, "I never knew how to deal with that. You pushed everyone and everything away from you. You pushed away your friends, me, and eventually Forks…I thought if you moved, things would be better for you."

I gave him a small smile. The truest sliver of happiness I had exuded in a month.

"Look, Bells, there is one thing I have always carried from your mother that you need right now."

The smile dipped immediately into a frown and scowl, "What's that?"

My father gave me a boyish grin that I hadn't seen in years, "Your mother always used to tell me how risky life was and how tomorrow was promised to no one."

"I know. She used to say that all the time." My tone was solemn. It was the same thing Edward and I talked about. But Edward's perspective was much more optimistic.

"But, unless you take risks, your life isn't worth living. She stopped allowing people to help her. She was too scared to take risks…terrified to trust someone else to help her. And you can't live without people, Bells. You can't live without friends, or family or love…she proved it was impossible to live a life alone. It was too much for her poor soul to bear." My father paused, took a drag from his cigarette, and then continued, "I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore. I can't watch it happen to the most precious thing that was ever given to me next to your mother. I can't…and I won't."

He was right. My father whom I trusted implicitly.

Was right.

I needed people.

Suddenly, I heard a car door slam in the midst of our sleepy little town.

I needed Edward.

My heart began to flutter as I heard footsteps traipse up my father's front porch.

"You need people. You need someone who cares for you more than anything in this world."

_He called Edward._

My heart was now in a full-fledged pound as knuckles rapped against the old wood door of the house.

Before Charlie could say anymore, I swung open the front door and threw myself into the strong arms I thought I belonged in. Pressing my face to his chest for that one brief moment where my brain was too infatuated with listening to my heart before realization hit me with a strong dose of reality.

_Jacob._

Charlie wasn't always right.

* * *

As I pulled away to greet the man in front of me, my senses came back in the flooding of an instant.

"Hey beautiful…" Jacob breathed.

I pulled back instinctively, as if burned by a hot stove, "What are you doing here?"

"He's your husband. Why else would he be here?" I heard the hiss of Charlie's beer can, then a slurp before he shut the front door, as if he wanted to allow us a moment.

_A goldfish had more privacy._

Breaking away from Jacob's gaze, I leaned on the worn rails of the front porch, "Why did he phone you?"

Jacob took a few apprehensive steps towards me, gauging my reaction, "Maybe because I am your husband."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I quickly gave my nails a once-over to seem every bit as disinterested as I felt.

Instead of advancing the last twelve inches of space towards me, Jacob walked back to the old rocking chair my father normally sat in on Sunday evenings, and sat down, leaning his elbows on the tops of his knees, interlacing his fingers together, "Why do you keep denying it? Why do you keep denying _me_?"

"Because you left me before you even married me," I spat, remembering Edward's tale of Jacob's drunken advances on Rosalie and the numerous women he had relations with after we were married.

"But I've changed. If you'd just give me half of a chance to show you that I could be a good husband… you wouldn't be disappointed."

_Sure…and UFO's really do exist…_

"You disappointed me the second you decided to make love to someone else."

"I always made love to you. I had sex with the others."

My face scrunched as if I had sucked on a lemon too hard. It was a cross between irritation and frustration, "That's a comforting thought."

Jacob sat up straighter, raising an eyebrow at me, "It should be. All things considered, I would expect _you_ to know the difference."

"What in the hell does that mean?" I shot back at him with vehemence. A tunnel of red impaired my vision as I practically jumped from the porch into a confrontational stance before him. The man made me nuts. What in the hell was I doing explaining myself to him? He didn't deserve an explanation of any kind. He had left me long before I left him.

_Did he? Or did your heart always belong to Edward?_

"What do you think it means? Christ Almighty, you couldn't even refrain from crying out his name while _we_ were having sex! After that night, I knew you were only _fucking_ me…so don't act appalled! Your wide-eyed innocence has waned, although I have to say, you are very good at it."

"I don't have to stand here and listen to you make accusations, especially after the hell you've put me through!" I yelled, walking towards the front door ready to immerse myself back into my cocoon.

Without warning, Jacob jumped from the chair, and grabbed my arm, spinning me around, "Yes you do! You will stand here and listen to me, goddammit! Our relationship was tumultuous from the beginning. You _denied _me from the beginning. You would beg me for attention and then continuously deny any affection I gave you. Hell, I had no intent of making love to you and surely I didn't want to fall _in _love with you. But I am guilty on both counts!"

"Why? Why did you do it? Was it for another notch in your belt?" I cried. His iron-clad grip began to bite into the sensitive flesh of my forearm.

"Aren't you listening to me? Goddamn, Isabella! It was because I loved you! Because I thought we were the same! Because I thought you loved me enough to erase all the pain and all the torment that I felt in here!" For emphasis, he pounded a riled fist into his heart continuing, "I thought we could be whole together! You told me…I never…thought…" The intense and powerful look in his eyes turned suddenly sad and forlorn.

Jacob looked down at his white-knuckle hold around my upper forearm and released me, setting his ridged body back in the chair, before continuing in a softer tone, "Did you ever love me?"

The question threw me for a brief moment.

There was no doubt.

I loved Jacob from the very first moment he twirled me on the dance floor. He was so sure of himself. And when he used to hold me in his arms, I had felt safe. Secure. He was my protector.

In a whispered hush, I replied, "I explained this to you before. I will always love you. A piece of me will always belong to you."

"Then stop this nonsense and come home, Bells. No one else could love us like we love each other." He paused, looking at me with his large, beautiful eyes and continued softly, "Let's face it; no one else could salvage the unsalvageable…only us. Just us."

And that was almost the truth.

The both of us could overreact and be unreasonable. We were both filled with a twisted cacophony of rage and jealousy and passion and unfortunately, that combination of traits made us volatile, unstable.

_But not unsalvageable._

After a moment, his forehead wrinkled as he stared through the railing once more. Two kids, a boy and a girl no older than maybe ten years old, were running in the street with a bright red bouncy ball.

"I'm not sure I can come home, Jake."

For a brief spell, there was a glint in his eyes at the failure of my wavering resolve, "But we can try, can't we? We can just try. Bells, what do you want me to do?"

I wanted to go home. I wanted to be able to just go back to a time when things were far less complicated.

But there was a part of me that couldn't.

"Whatever it should have been… should have been done long ago. Not now. Not after the things you have already done. I don't think you understand that." I stated simply, following the track of his gaze. The two children continued to laugh and giggle as they tossed the ball between each other.

He hung his head for a moment and sighed, "If we could turn back, what would you have wanted me to do differently?"

I crossed my arms and leaned my head against the wooden frame that held up the porch. For once, I wanted something to hold me up that didn't require a commitment. "Not proposed. Not made love to me. Not asked me out on a date. Not confided in me. Not danced with me."

"Never met you?" Jacob shook his head, then continued, "You were always an all or nothing type of gal, weren't you?"

"Just like you." I closed my eyes wanting the world to disappear. Maybe Jacob was right. Maybe my father was right. Maybe I just needed to go home. Sleep in my own bed. With my own husband.

"I want to try. We never tried." I heard him sigh heavily. Goddamn him, he was trying. And didn't he deserve someone who tried? Didn't he deserve just one chance?

_Try to love the man for _who_ he is. It's your place. As a wife. Don't you owe that to him?_

But on the other side of that coin was my happiness. And my heart. I mean who was I fooling? My heart had belonged to one person.

"My heart isn't yours."

"You never gave it a chance to be."

I closed my eyes taking in the harmonious sound of children's laughter. No, I never gave him a chance to make me happy. I never gave us a chance.

Fate has a way with my life. It always had. Because as soon as I was driving myself to the brink, I heard gravel crunching under tires. It could have been the neighbor.

But it wasn't.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I can never have a goddamn moment, can I?" Jacob's surly tone was all I needed to know who was coming.

Opening my eyes, a black sedan rambled down the street sending the kids back to the sidewalk with their ball.

It was him. It was really him.

No doubt.

No joke.

I felt it with every muscle fiber my body possessed.

But…

Something kept me from rushing into his arms as he emerged from the vehicle dressed in a wrinkled light blue soft-cool cotton dress shirt and khakis. His hair was disheveled, as usual. Slowly, almost painfully for me, he removed his signature Aviator sunglasses from his face exposing a very tired and much worn man.

Even though he looked as though he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks, I wanted to jump in his arms and plant kisses up and down his face. I missed him terribly. So much so in fact, that my heart seem to writhe in torment just at the sight of him.

And yet…

I stood there.

Maybe it was Jacob's presence, or perhaps that we were in the middle of Forks, or just maybe because I had caused him enough pain to last a thousand lifetimes and didn't have the audacity to think he would take me back…whatever the reason, I just stood like an old oak tree. Grounded. Solid. Stoic. My arms crossed as if to protect myself from the pain that I knew could come of this.

It could have been just a few seconds or thirty minutes that we stood there staring at each other. Finally, he lit up a cigarette, and gave a throaty chuckle while running a hand through his hair.

God, I missed that.

A feeble attempt at a half-smile curved the left corner of his mouth, "I thought up a million reasons why I shouldn't come here," Edward started in a rough voice, his eyes never leaving mine.

Taking another drag, he slowly began to walk towards me, taking each step deliberately, "I kept telling myself you didn't want me."

_One…two…_

"Then when we stopped in San Francisco, I had myself convinced that _I _was no good for you."

_Three…four…._

With every continued step, I was trying like hell to memorize every line etched into his face that I may have missed. And the closer he got to me, the more I wanted to reach for him and hold him and tell him I was sorry.

_Five…Six…_

"After another five hours and well into Oregon, I figured a million ways that _you_ were not good for me. Gave every excuse imaginable…my head produced some doozies, too."

A small smile played at my lips, but tears began to run down my face. I could only imagine what he was thinking.

Within three more steps, Edward stood toe-to-toe with me, "By the time I hit the train station, I didn't care if Jacob was here. I didn't care if your father came out with a shotgun. Goddamn, I didn't care if you had gained fifty pounds and grown hair on your chin. "

His breath smelled of the familiar: Jack Daniels and a Kool cigarette.

Gently, my fingers caressed the side of his now-bearded cheek, "Is this a new beatnik look you're trying on for size?"

A tormented smile finished the curve in his beautiful mouth as he wrapped his arms around my waist, "This is the look of a man who has been to hell and back and survived. This is the look of a man who has run out of excuses. This is a man who is telling you he loves you."

"Did you have a speech for her husband as well?" Jacob interjected suddenly, reaching into my soul and ripping out a small part of me.

Ignoring him, Edward's eyes never left mine, "Tell me."

"In front of the world and everyone in it?" I questioned with a playful snarl and a raised eyebrow, famously failing at my act to be coy and brave just so I could cover up my sense of nervous flittering that reigned in every piece of me.

His brows furrowed slightly, obviously unsure of what I was about to say, so he repeated himself, searching my face for an answer, "In front of the world and everyone in it…including him…tell me."

I didn't like the insecure look in Edward's eyes.

And I never wanted to see it again.

Ever.

There wouldn't be a repeat of the last time we were together because I vowed from that moment on until the last breath left my lungs, I would always tell him…

"I love you, Edward."

A waterfall of comfort blanketed his emerald eyes as he brought his lips to mine. For one enraptured moment, we were blissfully connected in an ethereal bubble that I had been dreaming of for a month.

And dammit, we could have lived and died in that moment.

But of course, not everyone in the vicinity could have that. Oh, no.

Jacob cleared his throat roughly, "Excuse me, I'm not trying to be unreasonable…Christ Almighty, what am I saying? She's my fucking wife, Cullen!"

Grudgingly pulling away from me, Edward gave me a devious smile, never taking his eyes away from mine, "As usual, Black, you are so easy to ignore…I forgot you were sharing the same air as me."

That's when Jacob became irrational. As usual.

Suddenly, Jacob had closed the gap between him and us, bowing out his chest as a peacock would, his fist clenched at his sides.

"Edward-" I began, but it was already too late.

"I don't share well!" Jacob replied angrily, his rigid fist of steel pummeled Edward in the side of the jaw sending spatters of blood across my father's porch.

And that's when all hell broke loose.

* * *

**Again, thank you so much for reviewing and taking the time to read. There is plenty more to come ;) Leave me some good lovin'...let's see if we can make it to 200 reviews with this chapter. Since it's new, you may have lots to say :)**

**Much love, smooches & stars,**

**~Cozzy XOXOX**


	37. Chapter 36

**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become, The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **

**Much Love: To my Kiki-kins…still love you.**

**A/N: This is it. After 36 chapters (and one epilogue to follow immediately after this), the journey for me, as well as for the characters, is over. We have had a fabulous ride, and you have made it so. Thank you, once again, for reading.**

**I will be adding a short note as a single chapter following the epilogue. My ending credits, if you will.**

**Again, I thank you with my whole heart. I will love you eternally.**

**Smooches & Stars,  
~Cozmedic XOXOX**

_**~Chapter 36 (Jacob's POV)~**_

All I saw was red.

Crimson.

Blood-letting red.

The kind that makes you crazy. The hue that makes you do stupid, unreasonable things. The color that makes you irrational .

The kind that makes you strike your wife out of compulsion.

It was the color of my insane anger.

But who could blame me? Cullen was speaking to my wife. Not my girlfriend or even my fiancée, but my goddamn wife. To add insult to injury, he proclaimed his undying love for her, and made me watch. It was as if someone tied me up naked, poured gasoline all over my flesh and set me on fire.

What they were doing was unacceptable yet, they thought their love was pure and unsullied, when in fact it was tainted and forged in my agony.

And she had no idea how much it killed me.

On the inside I was dying. My heart was being torn to pieces like tissue paper within the eye of a tornado. With each of Edward's passing words to my wife, for a single mismanaged second, I wanted to be him.

For once, I wanted to be the man who told her I had no more excuses and that I was the beaten one.

But I was a coward. Like that night I left her. That night I took her on the motorcycle with me. I chickened out. I left without telling her I was sorry.

_Left without telling her how much you loved her; how much you would die for her._

It was goddamn excruciating to watch him fall for her because I knew how easy it was. Just to go careening head-first into her eyes did it for me…but it was also more than that.

I understood her spider web of complexities. Not only had she told me about her hopes and dreams, but also about her tormented past and nightmares. That's why it was so easy for me to fall in love with her. She wasn't the plastic doll everyone wanted her to be, she was real.

Solid.

The anchor in our world of chaotic dysfunctional flurries.

Even when her world was exploding…

_She was disheveled; her hair plastered to her face as the rain plummeted from the night sky. _

_We had had a hard few months. Losing our baby was devastating enough for both of us and with the stress of her newly found fame and my endless commitments I wanted to do something for her. Something only she would appreciate. _

_Something we hadn't done in a long time…_

_A motorcycle ride._

_At first, she didn't want to go, but Bella being who she was, she could never resist dancing in the rain with me._

_The beautiful Los Angeles skyline lay hidden under the cloud cover and light drizzle as the April moon beams made their attempt to penetrate the haze. The slick pavement dangerously slipped under the tires as I took each turn with expertise. I could feel the rise and fall of her excitement through the worn leather of my jacket. Her arms tightened slightly around my waist as I took another precarious turn around a bend of road. As soon as we were on the straight-away her arms loosened from my waist. I felt her thighs secure themselves around me. _

_I felt like a whole man with her. Finally._

_I turned to watch her in my peripheral vision for a single moment and what I was blessed to see was magical: She put her arms out like she was flying, turned her head upwards to the rain and just smiled. _

_This is what I had wanted for her. Just to be able to let go. Even if I couldn't, my hope was for her to be able to. _

_Just as quickly as she had let go, she once again grasped at my waist, pressing her cheek into my back, strengthening her grip on me. _

_Pulling my bike to the side of the road, I killed the engine. The rain was beginning to progressively lighten to almost a mist. I hopped off, pulling her into my arms with me._

_She gave me a smirk, "You know how to woo me, don't you?"_

_I moved her wet locks from her face, looking past her beauty, into her soul, "I didn't bring you out here to woo you or to sweep you off of your feet, Bells. I…I wanted to bring you out here tonight to show you life goes on. The rain still falls, the sun still rises in the morning, and the air still moves. Life goes on."_

_Her eyes narrowed immediately and her brow furrowed, the darkness of the sky looming in her eyes. She jerked away from my grasp, "Why can't you let it go, Jake? Every time I think we are past it, you bring up the subject."_

_Throwing up my hands to the sky, I began yelling, "I just want to fix this, Bells! I want us to move on! Things happen!"_

"_Our baby was _**not **_'a thing' that just happened!" She suddenly yelled. Shaking her head slowly, she began to turn from me, but never broke her stare from mine as she began moving her feet in the opposite direction of us. The flight-or-fight look was in her eyes. _

_And she was going to run. _

_Again._

_The damn girl was always running._

"_That's not what I meant! Bells, please!" I grabbed her shoulder to stop her, ripping the green satin under my rough fingertips, "Stop running away from me, dammit!"_

_Looking mortified at what I had done to her dress, she screeched, "Then stop chasing me! You don't need to lord over me all the time. If you're not showing up to my shoots with Edward unannounced or calling Alice fifty times a day to make sure I am where I am supposed to be, you're checking my reservations at restaurants or calling ahead to other agents and newspaper boys slipping them twenty dollars to keep an eye out for me! It's insane and ridiculous! All I want is to be left alone!"_

"_You can't grieve alone! When are you going to realize that? We have to work through this together!"_

"_I don't want to work through this with you!" She yelled back at me. Like a slap in the face, the burn of her words branded my heart._

"_You don't mean that." My booming voice trembled, not from the cold biting wind paired with the drizzle, but from the terror of losing her._

"_The hell I don't! You're not trying to work this out with me. You're trying to validate your own transgressions. If I forgive you, all is right with the world. _Life goes on, _right Jake? This has nothing to do with our unborn child. This has everything to do with your known affairs with multiple women. Humiliating me every chance you get."_

"_Isabella, you know that's not true." And it wasn't. Not entirely._

"_LIAR! You sleep with every floozy and has-been that walks upright on two legs! I see you stealing kisses…kisses that are supposed to be for me!"_

_I was beginning to get irritated. No woman was going to tell me how to live my life. And Isabella of all people knew that. _

"_Don't call me a liar! You knew what you were getting involved with when we met! And by the way, let's clarify something. You drove me to sleep with that other woman! You keep your goddamn legs tied together at the fucking knees. You are locked up tighter than Fort Knox, for Christ's sake!"_

"_Lovely! Wonderful! Fucking fabulous! Now you just confirmed to me what I suspected all along! You're sleeping around!"_

"_It was only ONE WOMAN! Not MANY! And I was drunk! Really. Very. Drunk! And why do you insist on rehashing this? You want to constantly throw in my face how you just want to move on, but you can't yourself! You're a goddamn hypocrite!" I screamed pulling at my hair by the roots. The woman drove me mad._

"_And what about that woman who calls the house? You don't talk to her either, do you? What was her name? Amy?"_

"_Amy Jo," I corrected without thinking, "You know she started calling me when she came back to town-" I began, but Bella had started down the wet asphalt. A car zoomed by, giving no notice to my wife in the torn green dress._

_I sighed as she threw me a disgusted look as she planted herself on the side of the road, waiting for the next car to pass. _

"_Are you going to stand there in the rain until someone picks you up?" I called._

_Even in the dark, I could tell she was shooting knives at my chest with her glare of death, "Why don't you hop on your little motorcycle and go find someone else to irritate Jacob Black! Maybe one of your disgusting little tarts."_

_A low guttural sound resounded through my chest. The frustration that rocked me made me cry out into the night sky with a howling he-man snarl, "You are fucking aggravating!" _

"_I'm aggravating?" She asked incredulously. She jerked her thumb out as a cherry red Cadillac sped by, ignoring her. As soon as it zoomed by, Bella's thumb turned into her middle finger._

"_That's a sure fire way of getting them to stop. And mighty lady-like, I might add!"_

"_As lady- like as the trollops you're sleeping with, I'm sure!" She yelled back. _

_I shook my head, putting my hands on my hips. She didn't get it. It was always her. Since the moment I saw her. It was always her,"Stop saying that! You know that you are the only one who means _something _to me! The only one I will ever love!"_

_Without looking at me, she held up her hand to me and gave me the bird._

_That was the last straw. I had had enough of her bullshit. _

_I sprinted the twenty feet between us, spinning her around to face me once more, "It was always you, dammit! I only show up to your shoots because I miss your face. I miss your goddamn smile! I miss you! I call Alice because I know that you've had a hard time and I just want to check on you! And when it comes to what happened in the past for us, we said, let's start over. Let's pretend it didn't happen. Why can't we go back to that? Why can't we pretend it didn't happen?"_

"_Because it's already been done, Jacob! I can't pretend as well as you can! You can't change who we have become! When will you understand that?"_

"We_ haven't changed, Isabella….you have. You close yourself up to the world even when you are in the world. When you get home, you crawl into bed and stay there with a bottle and a carton of cigarettes. Almost as if you are condemning yourself for something you had no control over. When are you going to see, you cannot control life? It just fucking happens. With. Or without you."_

_She shrugged out of my grasp, "Goddamn, do you hear yourself? Take your own advice, will you? Before you try to fix me, fix yourself."_

"_You fixed me!"_

"_No, I didn't! I put a band aid on the problem! It's all smoke and mirrors, Jake baby. And when that woman that calls all the time….Amy Jo…it's because she perceives you as a happier person. I know she's someone from your past. I know you have _something_ with her."_

_I looked at her incredulously. Amy Jo and I were complicated, at best, but there was one thing I knew for certain, Amy Jo and I could _never_ be._

_Not ever._

"_What do you want me to do? Are you going to rake me over coals every time I talk to a woman?"_

_Without hesitation, she slapped me, "Well, then I guess this is where you learn your lesson that perception is everything. When you walk around with an advertised erection, you're going to start getting takers." Her voice dripped in heavy sarcasm. _

_I gripped her shoulders, "What's it going to take?"_

"_Stop messing around!"_

_In frustration, I yelled at the almost clear night sky, "I am not fucking around! Why won't you believe me?"_

"_Because you're a liar! You said we were meant to be and we aren't! Fate wouldn't put two people together who were this toxic!"_

"_We are not toxic! We are just two very dysfunctional people who fell in love! We can work through this, Bells!" I began to shake her shoulders in the midst of my emotional torrent. I just wanted her to finally understand how I felt. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and why I was so frustrated. _

_Bella's head lolled like a ragdoll, her eyes wide with trepidation. _

"_Stop it!" She screamed, "Jacob! Take your hands off of me!"_

_I didn't realize how hard I had been gripping both of her shoulders. Dropping my hands from her small frame, I took a half a step back, my voice softening,"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry…so, so sorry. I didn't mean that, Bells. I don't know what came over me. I just want you to understand, baby. You're my girl. And…and I just love you…so much."_

_Slowly, I approached her as if she would spook and bolt. Rubbing her left shoulder she took one contemplative step towards me, her eyes half hooded in sympathetic remorse; as if she understood. "Me too, Jake. I don't know what comes over me. I get so crazy-jealous. It consumes me." _

_She _did _understand._

_As she lay within an arm's reach, I pulled her closer to me and began to massage her shoulder, "I'm sorry. So sorry, Bells." _

_Her arms circled my waist, as I pressed my forehead to hers, "Jacob, I just love you…I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. You're all I have."_

"_Shh…baby, I'll always be here." Patting her hair gently, I pulled away, continuing, "Let's go home."_

"_Giving a small smile as we walked towards the bike, she replied, "Maybe Fort Knox will allow its walls to be crashed."_

_Her eyes were playful, yet apologetic, "I'll see if I can talk to the wardens."_

We _were going to be alright. We were going to be okay. _

_As I started the cycle's monstrous engine, Bella hopped on the seat behind me, then pulled me close between her thighs. She whispered in my ear, "I love you…and I'm sorry."_

_Her reassuring words said it all._

Within the walls of our relationship, we were right.

Indeed, we said and did things to each other that could be unforgivable to anyone else…but not to us. To us, we were normal. And in the public eye, we were the epitome of goddamn perfection.

And here that bastard Cullen stood toe-to-toe with her. Wanting to take it all from me. Wanting her to believe she would be better off with him.

_A fucking photographer? Pfft!_

I wouldn't have it. Wouldn't _tolerate _it. Did he not understand the commandment: _You shall not covet thy neighbor's wife?_ Or was he absent that day of Sunday school?

It didn't matter. When she allowed me to place that simple gold ring on her finger, she chose me. Isabella was _my_ love.

My_ everything. _

And he had no right in the goddamn free world to take her from me. What Cullen failed to understand was that you didn't just take someone's wife and not anticipate a fight on your hands. In my case, a goddamn war of epic proportions.

His skin making hard contact with my fist was liberating. The sight of his blood streaming through his veins onto the ground was invigorating.

Someone needed to show him right from wrong. Someone needed to show the whelp you didn't fuck with someone else's woman.

Period.

But his response was not what I expected.

At.

All.

Cullen recovered, almost slowly, his lips turning into a villainous half-moon as he wiped the back of his hand against the blood trickle on his bottom lip, "I hate to admit it Jake, but under the current pretenses I guess I somewhat deserve that."

He hadn't called me Jake since we were kids and telling me he _deserved_ it? It was Cullen's own twisted way of attempting to rectify any and all compromises he made with my wife. In essence, he was full of shit which infuriated me into a bigger frenzy.

Without thinking, I knocked his skinny ass down the three short porch steps onto the pavement of the walkway below us.

"You son-of-a-bitch! She's my wife!" I yelled as I planted another short jab into his pompous jaw.

After about three seconds of tussling, I heard a front door open and slam shut and shotgun cock, "Enough boys!"

It was Charlie.

Without thinking we both popped up off the ground like two kids who just got caught making a makeshift Tower of Babel to an out-of-reach cookie jar.

Charlie shoved the tip of the barrel under Cullen's nose first, "Who are you? And why are you messin' with my son-in-law?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he backed up about two steps and cleared his throat, "Sir, I'm Edward. Edward Cullen."

I almost snickered, but Isabella shot me a murderous glare before I could. Cullen swiped at the trickle of blood underneath his nose.

"Charlie…put the gun down." Bella replied slowly. Coming to Cullen's goddamn rescue once more, although I didn't have a shotgun barrel pointed at me either.

"Not until I get to the bottom of this little altercation." Charlie voice was tight as he continued never taking his eyes off of Cullen, "Bella…you come here, you stay here. You're my daughter. It's expected. Jake, here, he's your husband. He belongs here. This fella…I don't know who he is, but he has no business being in this equation."

"Charlie…Dad…he's the one I'm in love with. He's the one I want to marry."

In my head, a piece of fresh vinyl skipped on its imaginary record player, "What?"

Bella looked at me with those goddamn apologetic eyes. It was then I realized they were lying eyes. The eyes of an actress. The eyes of Hollywood.

Charlie pulled his incredulous gaze from Cullen to his daughter, repeating me, "What? Come again?"

A small smile graced her beautiful mouth as she looked at him, "I love him….Edward…always have…always will."

She always had.

Since the beginning.

My heart imploded. And it hurt like hell.

Charlie cleared his throat, the gun still pointed at Cullen's face, "Jacob is your husband, Isabella! It's a little late to be making that decision."

"Dad…he's my everything."

"Stop being stupid, Bells! He didn't have enough backbone to ask you to dance, for Christ's sake!" I blurted.

"But he's asking me now, Jake!"

"He should've asked you a year ago!"

"But he didn't!"

"So what makes it okay now?" I shouted, ignoring the gun barrel, yelling over it at her as if it were a cinder block wall.

"I'm pregnant! With Edward's child!"

As if it were literal, I reeled backwards like a boxer who had just been professionally hit in the gut. The world I once had control over was in a cyclonic vortex of insanity and the sad part was, I was no longer the driver at the helm.

_You were the never driver, were you Jacob?_

Suddenly, I looked to Edward, who didn't seem as shocked as one would have expected. He looked….guilty.

"Did you know about this?" My voice was sharp. Penetrating.

Edward shrugged, shaking his head back and forth slowly, "There was no doubt in my mind. She had symptoms…"

He voice became a faint whisper of nothing.

She was pregnant.

Those full lips and enlarged bosom. Her radiant glow to her porcelain skin. They were all green-light indicators that she was pregnant.

And not by me.

"…my father checked her…" Edward was rambling. As usual.

"Just shut-up." My voice was steely and cold. Unattached. My fist grabbed the long cool barrel of the gun.

Why wasn't it mine? Why couldn't I just have been the man she was looking for in the beginning? Why couldn't I just have been what she wanted?

"Jacob, I never meant for this to happen…" She began. Her voice that was once so pure and innocent to me, the voice I knew to be loving and encouraging even in times of our trouble was laced in lies and deceit. I looked up at her ruby red lips. They were moving, but I couldn't hear anything. Not anymore.

"You're lying." I simply stated. The whites of my knuckles began to shake around the dark barrel. I looked over at Charlie's eyes. When he looked at me before, he looked at me as a father would a son. Now, his eyes were like hers: Lying and distrustful.

Edward spoke again, slow and deliberate as though he thought he was talking to a moron, "Black….let it go."

I had allowed Amy Jo's father to take Amy Jo from me. I wasn't going to allow that with Isabella Swan. She was my wife. My love.

Suddenly, the world was clear. Edward to my left. Charlie to my right. My Bella right in front of me.

The pieces fell into place. One-by-one.

"Did you mean any of it?" I barked, suddenly yanking the gun from Charlie with ease.

I could never let her go.

She took two steps backwards.

I took one step forward.

"Black!" Edward yelled, grabbing at the gun. Swinging the nose at him, I cocked it. The cold steel moved smoothly in my hands. He backed away two feet. In my peripheral vision, Charlie grabbed Bella by the hand, yanking her behind him.

Turning so all three of them were within my line of sight, I focused my attention on Bella once more, "That night I spun you around the dance floor?" My voice was harsh like sandpaper being scratched against a wall."The night you told me you loved me so much it hurt? Was it all for _him_? Was I always second best?"

"Jake….please?" She whimpered.

Fresh tears of loss poured down my cheeks.

My heart.

My soul.

They were held together by one bright shining star.

The girl everyone wanted. The one I would never have. The one who loved another.

My pin-up girl.

My Bella.

_Mine._

My finger hugged the trigger and with an ever-so-gentle squeeze, a shot rang out.

The shot heard around the world.


	38. Epilogue

**A/N: First & foremost, the Twilight characters don't belong to me, they belong to the very lovely, Stephenie Meyer. I just like stepping into their skins and playing with them in my alternate universe that has become, The Photographer, but the alternate universe and its supporting characters, like Crystal, Maimu, Amy Jo and the others…belong to me, Cozmedic. ;) **

**Thank you Rob & Kristen….without your faces, where would we be?**

**Dedication: To the young Hollywood…I love and adore you as much as the old Hollywood…. Maybe a tad more…**

**Much Love: Kiki. Love you. Still. **

_**~*EPILOGUE*~**_

My eyelids flew open with a start.

A shot rang outside of the window of our hotel room jerking me out of my already restless sleep. A backfiring car, no doubt.

The rain had subsided from the night before, but the chill still hung in the air.

I could tell by the breaking dawn's early light, it was around five o' clock in the morning. We had just gone to bed only a few short hours ago.

A delicate snore resonated through her body as she shifted next to me. She was tired. Especially after the evening we had.

I was dying to read the last letter he wrote, so carefully I stood and walked through the quiet suite of Chateau Marmont.

Gently, I picked up the weathered copy of Wink magazine from the hotel's dining room table, and began to flip through the pages. After a few moments, my fingers rested on the centerfold, staring at a very extraordinary woman.

Setting down the old periodical, I picked up a weathered box of his Kool cigarettes and a worn Zippo. I sat at the table, took out one of the cigarettes that was his and lit it with the silver lighter that must have been thrown across rooms, lost and then found, and given to him by someone he loved. As the menthol smoke filtered through my lungs, I opened the blue sealed envelope with care, daring not rip its contents.

The low orange hue of the day radiated the room slowly as I read:

_My dearest Isabella,_

_This is the first and last time in fifty-eight very wonderful years that I will be here, at our Chateau Marmont, without you. _

_I sit here, with a full bottle of Scotch Whiskey and a carton of Kool cigarettes wrapped in my unadulterated thoughts of our lives together. Pictures of our family make me smile while I have come to one true realization in my life: Our love has survived the test of time. _

_We have endured bruised, battered, and failed friendships, false accusations, financial duress and even the death of a child. Nothing has ever and will ever separate us. Death included._

_And one day, my love, God will see me home to you._

_With this, please know, I will always be your Edward as you will always be my Bella._

_Forever, with love,_

_Edward Anthony Cullen_

"He died a year after she did. To the day," Her voice spoke softly behind me as I folded the paper back up and placed it gently within the confines of whence it came.

I took a long drag from the almost-extinguished cigarette and ran a hand through my hair, "How do you know?"

Kristen sighed, grabbed the box of Kools from in front of me and lit up her own cigarette, "I spoke to the old guy downstairs last night after you passed out. He said that Edward Cullen died in his bed from natural causes. He was holding her picture. A very provocative one, I might add, repeating 'death was only the beginning'."

Absently turning the Zippo in my hand, I replied, "Jacob's suicide was only their beginning."

"It sounds as though Jacob was a very lost cause. He was the epitome of greed and deception." Kristen smirked, "This god-forsaken town hasn't changed in over 60 years, I guess."

"No, I think Jacob was a victim of circumstance, right?"

She shrugged, "We can play 'what if?' all day long, Rob. I wasn't there. I'm going off of a pile of letters, an old man, and a few leftover magazine and newspaper clippings."

I smiled at Kris' devilish smirk as she hoisted her own scantily clad bottom onto the table next to me, "They lived a crazy life for the 1950's. Don't you agree?"

She picked up a black and white 8" x 10" photo from the table. The one Isabella took of her and Edward when they were locked up in this very room over fifty years ago.

"She was an extraordinary woman, just as much as he was an extraordinary man. As a matter of fact, the man was brilliance in a bottle. He took photos of the most famous people up until the year he died."

I placed my hands on her bare knee and gave her the best fuck-me eyes I could muster this early in the morning. She leaned in close to me. Close enough so I could smell that she had already brushed her teeth with cinnamon toothpaste.

"Tell me…" I whispered running my bottom lip along her jawline.

I felt her smile as she whispered back, "I love you, Rob."

Picking up Kris, I headed to the bedroom.

The room Edward confessed his unrequited love for Isabella. The room they conceived their first child. The room they came to every year since the day Jacob committed suicide. Not in celebration, but in memorial.

The room where he would pass into the next world in unwavering silence with his letter, his bottle of Scotch and a cigarette, surrounded by his memories.

They were extraordinary.

The pin-up girl, the photographer, and the agent.

They were the epitome of Hollywood.

Forever...

…Always…

… Eternally.


	39. Thank You

Dear Readers,

I started this fanfic endeavor two years ago, never knowing the impact it would make on me or anyone else. I have given my heart, my soul and predominantly my life to this story. Whenever I get a review (good or bad) it truly makes me smile. It shows that I have evoked enough emotion to justify a response. And for that, I am thankful.

When I write, I typically write to music. My music library consists of over 40,000 songs of all genres. My iPod is always full. Some of you have asked me what bands I listen to and what has inspired me throughout this story. I won't lie, there are a lot, so I will only name a few…(about 20)…this list is in no particular order, just what I thought of that stuck out to me. If I could thank each one of them personally, I would.

The Everly Brothers

Sarah Vaughan

The Beatles

Johnny Cash

Elvis

Otis Redding

The Raveonettes

Christina Aguilera (the Back to Basics album was phenomenal)

Mumford & Sons

Sick of Sarah

Tegan & Sara

Skillet

P!nk

Band of Horses

Coldplay

Moby

Great Northern

Concrete Blonde

Hole

The Kills

There are so many more, but it would take pages and pages before I got through them all.

To my sister….I want to take this time to thank my sister who has stuck with me and my mood swings and my creative escapades and treks into unchartered waters. She is my Kiki. She is wonderful. I love her so much, regardless of what I may do to push her away at times. I am so glad she chose to take the journey with me. Without her love, this would've never happened.

To Carolyn…you have been there to push me from the beginning, even when I didn't know you. Over the course of this process I can safely say you are one of the greatest gifts this story has brought me.

To Crystal…you may know her as CLPSuperstar. She has been my soundboard, my biggest cheerleader, and my friend. Thank you, girlie. You are a shining star in my darkness. Thank you so much for making me laugh and keeping me sane in my world of insanity.

And last, but not least, to my husband, my best friend, my Edward…simply speaking, I will love you forever.


End file.
